Christine Ko: [00:00:00] Welcome back to SEE HEAR FEEL. Today I have a compilation of episodes 101 to 119. In high stress, high stakes professions, like teaching doctoring, public service, et cetera, burnout is high. As Dr. Art Papier said in episode 116:
Art Papier: One of the great problems right now is how burned out physicians are and how much stress they're under.
Christine Ko: It's difficult to combat burnout, which is a system problem, as I discussed with Dr. Michi Shinohara in a past episode. But one thing that can help is emotional intelligence. We are all leaders in various situations in our lives as friends, parents, mentors, teachers, doctors, and on and on. Dr. Dean Gianakos emphasizes in episode 119:
Dean Gianakos: I don't know how you can possibly be a successful leader without having emotional intelligence, meaning, being able to identify the emotions that you're experiencing.
Christine Ko: Interestingly, although [00:01:00] love is not one of the original basic emotions described by Dr. Paul Ekman, I do think love is important. Dr. Angelina Hong wrote a beautiful poem about love and medicine which I think applies to life in general. She talked about it in episode 101.
Angelina Hong: And Yet, a poem I wrote about love and medicine, the mixed emotions that we have during medicine. It's not always this perfect, romantic, love story, so to speak. For me, I think love in the field of medicine, it's interesting to me because just by nature of the craft of being in the hospital, there's so many different levels of interactions and relationships that can happen, not just with patients, but also between doctors, between residents to students, and so on. There's a lot of opportunities for relationships and communication there. On the other hand, this is something I tried to convey in my poem and my other writings. It's definitely not always easy to maintain those relationships and also [00:02:00] to work with a mindset of joy and peace. It's a journey to find this kind of healthy balance between love in your medical career, but also having peace in other spheres of your life, your personal life, your identity as well. We have our limitations as part of being human. To balance our humanity with this very heavy responsibility to care for ill, complicated people over very long periods of time can be very exhausting. It can bleed into our personal lives as well. There can be conflicting emotions.
Christine Ko: So, what can you do as a human being, trying to do your best in whatever sphere of life, as stress ebbs and flows? As Cass Sunstein asks in episode 102, how do we make life re sparkle? How do we combat habituation to the good things that surround us? Here are Cass Sunstein's comments on habituation versus dishabituation.
Cass Sunstein: So habituation is decreasing [00:03:00] sensitivity to stimuli. And it's something we share with cats and dogs and rats and horses and much smaller and more primitive organisms where changes are very noticed. Whether they're fantastic; the first year of marriage, people see a vault in their well being; afterwards, they tend to return to where they were before. People habituate to the fact that they're married to someone amazing. And they don't notice it as much. Dishabituation happens when something to which we have gotten used to suddenly re sparkles. It has a surprise signal associated with it, whether it's something fantastic or something terrible.
Christine Ko: Here are six tips, in no particular order, to get life to resparkle. One, set goals and defaults. Two, generate self-awareness. Three, recognize the narrative you create is really just the narrative you created. [00:04:00] Four, cultivate your relationships. Five, admit your limitations. Six, seek beauty. We'll go through them one by one.
First off, number one, set goals and defaults. Or in other words, manage your calendar. Dr. Mitesh Patel says in episode 103.
Mitesh Patel: I try to do a couple of things. I try to set goals. I think carefully about the defaults. What makes it easier or less easier for me to do. I try to set certain reminders and calendar things in so that I'm forced to make decisions about things that I otherwise might put off.
Christine Ko: Number two, look within. Self-awareness. Pay attention. Dr. Ron Stott says in episode 104.
Ron Stotts: I think you have to notice that something isn't working. I think you have to notice that there's pain points in your life that just are holding you back, keeping you from having the life that you want, from even seeing what you really want. That pain point is really the first thing people have to recognize. In other words, I'm not happy, or my life's not [00:05:00] working the way that I want it to, or I don't know what I'm feeling, I'm not breathing. And so you have to pay enough attention. You have to slow down enough to notice, I'm not breathing. You have to recognize, I want more. And that's when they begin to open up to, what is it you really want? What's most important to you? What are your values? What are your directions in life? Learning to pay attention, learning to take care of yourself. Becoming more self-aware. It's from that higher level of self-awareness that you become more aware of others. And in that connection and awareness of others, you discover that your relationship with yourself is really reflected in your relationship with others. The more healed and whole and self-accepting and loving you are, the more that is mirrored with others, the more patient you are, the more supportive.
Christine Ko: Number three, realize your narrative is really just your own narrative. Dr. Richard Carr says in episode 105.
Richard Carr: Unrelenting standards makes you [00:06:00] very critical person. So if I'm suddenly being very critical, I have to remember that thought in my head is just electrical activity. It's not real. I'm making up a judgment on something that doesn't exist. Shakespeare said, there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so. I could give an example. For example, let's say I'm walking down the street, and I see a baby run over by a car. Yes, quite dramatic example. And I would have an immediate visceral response, with an immediate physical response. And then I run up to the baby to do resuscitation or try and help. And I see that it's just a rubber doll and not a baby. Immediately, I'm going to experience a whole different wave of emotions, instantaneously. But what happened before the emotional response? My eyes were open, I saw something and I made a judgment that a bad thing had happened. If you can train yourself when you're in a situation where you're judging it as good or bad: it's an electrical activity in your head, and you're then having a [00:07:00] visceral, physical response. You're panicking, all because of electrical activity in your head. And then you will say to yourself, why would I be silly enough to let electrical impulses in my head cause me to panic? When we get wrapped up by the stories that we tell in our head, we then express emotion. And all you've got going on in your head is electrical activity. It's interesting, isn't it?
Christine Ko: And scientist, Dr. Duje Tadin confirms this saying in episode 111.
Duje Tadin: The brain has to do a lot of guessing what is actually in front of us. And that's why we have a lot of different visual illusions, because these are all the cases where the strategies that our brain uses fail. Illusions are really example of showing how the brain does something really well, and it is one rare case things don't work out. And this is because our perception is messy. Going back to the original comment, it's messy. Different people see the world in different ways. Even identical twins, because they're going to have different experiences into their lifetime, are going to see things differently. So to me, that messiness could then be harnessed. By having multiple [00:08:00] opinions, get a better, more robust.
Christine Ko: Number four cultivate relationships. Dr. Thomas Brenn says in episode 106.
Thomas Brenn: To me, the most important thing is really mentorship. I wish I had known, really, to maybe seek mentorship, if that's even possible. Mentorship is something that's very organic. You can't do it for everybody. There's only certain people who will be amenable, with you at least. So you're not a mentor for everybody, but when it clicks, I think it's something really important, and it has made my career. I've had the most amazing mentors that I could imagine. And I feel very fortunate for having met them. And to me, I have to say, these are the individuals that have shaped my career, my path, the way I think, the way I do things. And, I think to me, really, this is the most important part of my training. I don't think mentorship starts with training. It continues. It's a [00:09:00] lifelong thing.
Christine Ko: A mentor or others can help with answering these questions as suggested by Dr. Susan Ko in episode 112.
Susan Ko: Sometimes an easier way to ask that question is, What do you think I could do more of or less of? If you're not in a culture and environment where feedback is part of the process, people might feel awkward or uncomfortable asking for feedback, receiving feedback. It takes practice to feel comfortable giving feedback, feeling the vulnerability to be open to feedback. That all takes practice. Take the time to reflect, just even on your own, what are my strengths? How much am I being able to leverage that in the things that I do? What do I wish I was better at and what would I need to get better at it?
Christine Ko: We can better set an example and have conversations with our kids and others around us. Self-awareness helps, but tools and props, like something as simple as a picture book can help. Dr. Krista Aronson says in episode 113.
Krista Aronson: If you're a parent and you're [00:10:00] starting to think about this, or maybe you're far along in thinking about it, remember that your children, they're forming their own internalized maps and ideas about the world, regardless. You may as well be part of that conversation because if you're not, children, childhood egocentrism, they think you're thinking what they're thinking, and the only way to disrupt that is to talk to them.
Christine Ko: We are all egocentric in the sense that we all have a relatively limited narrow view that is our own perspective. In addition to cultivating mentoring relationships and friendships with others, interdisciplinary collaboration across fields is also a tool to help us flourish. Dr. Todd Horowitz says an episode 114.
Todd Horowitz: Be open to understand that you don't have all the answers. You have your blind spots, other people have their blind spots. And, maybe if you work together, you can cover some of these blind spots. Another aspect is translation. Every discipline has its own special jargon that people from outside the discipline aren't going to understand. [00:11:00] Sometimes words have different or even opposite meanings across two different disciplines. Learning how to translate between disciplines is very important. And really, I think one of the most important things is to be in the same place. We really need to have some kind of intellectual mixer where you get people together of different strengths and different disciplines to just talk.
Christine Ko: And here's the number five tip. Be able to admit what you can't do or you don't know. Dr. Bruce Smoller says in episode 107.
Bruce Smoller: I know when I'm coaching my trainees to give a talk at the ASDP or the USCAP or whatever, I always tell them, so why are you so nervous? You're probably not going to forget how to speak English in the next 10 or 12 minutes. The first 10 or 12 minutes are easy. You've got the floor, you've got the microphone, and you know how to speak English. There's no big deal there. So what are you afraid of? You're afraid of the questions at the end. You know what takes away all of the fear? There are three phenomenal words that make it, you don't have to be afraid. I [00:12:00] don't know. Thank them for the question, say, that's a really good question. Honestly, I don't know the answer to that. I'd be happy to take it offline and discuss it with you. I'd be happy to go home and look it up and get you an answer. I don't know. What's wrong with, "I don't know"? As soon as you take your ego out, and you accept the fact that nobody on earth knows everything, be comfortable about what you do know. And be comfortable about what you don't know and just accept it.
Christine Ko: And lastly, number six, recognize beauty as Dr. Ricardo Nuila says in episode 109.
Ricardo Nuila: Arts and humanities are geared toward beauty. They look at different slices and depths of life. How do I put this? An example that I would say is that if you're a musician, and you trained your ear, you'll hear a certain like rhythm caused by a truck driving around, then you'll be like, that's really interesting, and you'll start to think about how that can shape your own music. You'll hear those rhythms and those sounds everywhere. What the humanities does is it [00:13:00] just decorates your mind. For instance, masterful works written by like Cormac McCarthy. The Passenger. It's about a physicist in New Orleans and also about diving, but you just get tuned to some of the things that person sees. It puts a little depth to your mind where you can recognize things. And maybe you start to bring that into your own personal interactions, and you start to look through your eyes in a different way. You start to see things a little bit more, the relationships a bit more, start to see the beauty. That's the architecture that I'm talking about, that the humanities gives you this architecture for meaning that you can grasp and you can tap into. It's a hard life out there, I feel, but it's also a beautiful life. And we have to see those and balance those.
Christine Ko: I hope listening to this can give you ideas on how to better flourish in your life. Whether at work or away from work, many of these tips tie into having meaning in life and relate to Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, in which I think he suggested [00:14:00] that major ways to find meaning include work, love of others -or in other words, relationships!- and beauty. Thank you for listening and please do follow this podcast, rate it and share it with others if you are willing.