Rekindling Intimacy: Turning a Dead Bedroom Into a Passionate Partnership

Ever felt like the passion in your bedroom has flatlined, and the intimacy you once cherished has dwindled to a mere ember? You're not alone, and this episode is a beacon of hope for reigniting that flame. I recount a heartening narrative of a couple who, just like you, faced the silence of a dead bedroom. Through a tale of transformation, we uncover the power of communication, the dedication required for a lively love life, and the strategies that breathe new life into a couple's connection. If your nights have been more about counting sheep than savoring sweet moments with your partner, this episode is your guide to a bedroom revival.

This discussion isn't just about fanning the flames of desire; it's a holistic approach to a healthier, richer relationship. As we navigate the sensitive waters of sexual dissatisfaction, be prepared to find practical, actionable insights that transcend the physical realm. By fostering an environment of honesty and vulnerability, we lay the groundwork for not just a more fulfilling sex life, but an overall stronger bond with your significant other. Whether you're in the thick of the struggle or preemptively keen on avoiding it, this episode holds the keys to unlocking a deeper, more intimate partnership.

12/30/23

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

Hello and welcome back to let's Talk About Sex with Stephanie Smith. I am Stephanie Smith, your host, and thank you for joining me again on another podcast that I get to share information to all of you. I intend that all the information that I'm putting out helps at least one person and the good thing is it already has, because I get comments and messages all the time and I just love it, and so that's the reason why I continue to do my icky guy. This is my icky guy helping you have a healthy and satisfying sex life. That's what I want to do. That's what I'm here to do, and I'm also, you know, one of the things that I was sharing with somebody just a couple of days ago. They asked why do I love doing this? And, honestly, I have a. It's a platform where my grandkids, when they're older, get to come and listen to me, share information. That's true and it's out there, and they know that their grandmother, their Mimi, always tells them the truth. So they may not like it, but Mimi always tells them the truth. So that's the reason why I love doing what I'm doing. So thank you for joining me and keep coming back for more, because it'll be fun. I've got some good interviews coming and some little fun things that I've mustered up. So today we're going to talk about one follower's dead bedroom and his success story, and I love talking about these success stories because there are many out there. We just don't hear enough of them. And so dead bedrooms can be changed. You just have to do some work into it.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Relationships take work. They are not oh cool, we're married, okay, we'll do dinner, we do family things and nothing needs to be worked on. That's so not true. Communication weekly needs to happen until you get into the groove where you're really communicating effortlessly, and then it's got to be a sit down meeting once a month and discuss all the important topics of your personal relationship, because each relationship will be different. So, but please, you know, if you're thinking that relationships are super easy, or that if there's an issue that, nope, I don't need to work on it, it is what it is, well, that's not a relationship, and no one's going to want to be in a relationship where you don't work on things. You have to work on things together. It makes you stronger, it makes you committed to the relationship and you build your friendship as well, because the bottom line is, if your relationship doesn't work out, wouldn't it be better if it's just amicably that you split instead of like a chaotic split? I mean, I've seen it, but always I've been there always and honestly I just prefer the whole amicably split relationship and honestly I'll tell you it was my relationship to my boy's father, who was just an absolute gem. We did exactly what we agreed to do and it worked out well.

Speaker 1: 4:09

So unless you have a partner that you can really know that that's going to happen with, it can be tumble. It's just so much more than just a relationship. So start talking. Start talking now. Today is a great day to start, all right.

Speaker 1: 4:25

So let's hear this guy's success story. So they went from having starfish sex once every few months to having sex once per day, sometimes three times per day. So hooray for that. Sex has been good for about three years now. It did not work for their relationship Scented candles, chore play, trying out kinks or BDSM, the love languages, me hitting the gym, porn or erotica and he said that his partner liked it. It helped a little bit, but it was just more like having a scratch in an itch. He said that he was going to have a great night babysitter or nanny therapy both for her and for him, marriage counseling, sex therapy, extravagant trips and getaways, ultimatums suggesting divorce only led to hysterical bonding which tapered off and maintenance sex wanting to have a kid, sex wife getting her thyroid issues treated, and so what finally fixed the issue was me hitting rock bottom and deciding that I will genuinely try to have the best, happiest life possible with my wife, regardless of sex.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Me addressing my untreated ADHD with medication, me using fake it till you make it to convince myself I really appreciate and love my wife, regardless of how much she has sex with me, until I had consistently positive vibes around her, my wife feeling loved and appreciated and not like a vehicle for sex. My wife, being a fundamentally good person who was attracted to me initially, realizes she can be attracted to me again because I am not constantly angry, suffering, moping around her and instead I'm being best partner I can be. Marriage is healthier and now all the solutions listed above have a positive impact on our sex like, no matter how dumb they sound. He says fixing your marriage makes all the attempts at getting more sex easy mode. An unfixed marriage means that all attempts at getting more sex become counterproductive. He is absolutely 100% right.

Speaker 1: 7:09

That was the lesson for me and certainly doesn't apply to all low libido or high libido dynamics, but I just wanted to share for those high libidos who, like me, might be caught in a vicious cycle of unproductive mindset and behaviors. You have to be the one to break the cycle. You have to give and love selflessly, with no expectations. It's incredibly hard, but what do you have to lose? Worst case scenario you are back to square one. Best case scenario it is what happened to me. What a great dead bedroom story. I just love it. I love the fact that he took the time to go back out and find what's really broken and really sitting down and communicating Sounds like it really did help in taking sex completely off the table and not moping around and crying, and really realizing that the relationship needed work.

Speaker 1: 8:14

I hear this a lot from a lot of people. I know it comes from women a lot, but I think that people just don't understand that women need a lot of communication and men need very little. So if we could just find the balance between the two, where maybe women we could find a little more release from our friends and things like that outside positive people, and so that way we're not dumping all of our stuff onto the men, because they don't want that either. We just need to find good balances where we're getting our needs met, we're able to talk about our needs and I really think for healthy relationships and for people to create healthy relationships, moving from the beginning, like what's going to work, what's not going to work, and doing some of these things in the first few months, instead of like all of a sudden you're moving in together after three months and then you don't even know if you guys are compatible. You learn out after the fact, but maybe we should learn ahead of time some things and I think that will really help with some of these number one dead bedrooms, divorces. I think taking a little bit more time getting to know people is really going to be key in our futures with teaching and coaching anyone that's in relationships.

Speaker 1: 9:36

Anyway, I hope this was helpful for any of our dead bedrooms out there. Gives them a little example that there is hope out there. There are people talking about it. My listeners love to hear about these particular dead bedrooms because there are so many and people are living them or they know someone around them that has it. So I can guarantee you everyone has somebody around them that has a dead bedroom. So whatever we can do to help them, let's help them. All right, give them to my podcast. They can start learning about ways to have open discussions, about how to start talking about these uncomfortable topics. All right, thank you for joining me on today's podcast of let's Talk About Sex with Stephanie Smith. I'm your host and I say slant and tante, good health and wealth to all of you.