Sex Talk with Shiloh Hobby A-Z From SkitzoKitty in Palm Desert... D ... for DILDOS!!

Are you ready to strip away the shame and step into a world where your sexuality is celebrated? This isn't just another chat about the birds and the bees; it's a groundbreaking journey with us, Stephanie and Shiloh, as we unravel the intricacies of sex education and empowerment. We're tearing down taboos and handing you the keys to a treasure trove of knowledge, from the nitty-gritty of adult toys to the transformative power of sexual wellness. Whether you're navigating the waters of self-love, spicing up the bedroom dynamics, or simply seeking clarity on hygiene practices, we've got you covered with our candid conversations and expert advice.  

This episode isn't shy about getting into the juicy details as we discuss D for DILDO. I, Stephanie, share the wisdom gleaned from pioneering a condom business during a health crisis, and Shiloh, with a wealth of experience as a sex coach, provides profound insights into the crucial role of emotional connection and communication in relationships. We're here to guide you through the challenges, such as reigniting the spark in a dead bedroom, and to celebrate the joys of discovering your desires without guilt. So, if you're looking for a blend of heart-to-hearts and how-tos on elevating your intimate experiences, join us for a rollercoaster ride of laughter, learning, and a whole lot of love.

12/30/23

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:49

Hello, hello and welcome, hi Shiloh.

Speaker 2: 0:54

Hi Stephanie, how are you today?

Speaker 1: 0:56

I am great. Welcome to Sex Talk A to Z with Shiloh and Steph. We are here every Tuesday at Schizokitty 11 am live for our podcast and we wanted to do this for educational purposes, to teach people honestly about different types of things A to Z in sex. It's not to make you uncomfortable, it's to actually teach you something. We welcome you and this week we are doing the for dildos, which is why I have my dildos here and the good thing is also I want to talk about that we are now going to be raffling off shiloh every week. Something. Here's one of our gift baskets that we have that we're going to start raffling off starting next week yay, that's exciting it has lots of.

Speaker 1: 1:49

It has a rabbit, it has a dildo, it has a vibrator, it has a butt plug Everything you name it. So we're going to have a downloadable form next week for everyone that they can fill out, and then the following week Shiloh is so amazing Came up with this like a wheel of fortune with everyone's name, and the next week we'll throw everyone's name in it. Do the wheel of fortune and pick the next week, and it'll get mailed out the following day. So we're excited to be able to provide stuff for you as while you're listening to us. So thank you. You know, doing lives is this is not my forte, but I like talking about sex, so I believe that we need to be less shameful about it. As Dr Tina Schirmer-Seller says, sex is better without shame and it is All right. So, shiloh, introduce yourself, please to the audience and let them know why we are doing this together.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Absolutely so. My name is Shiloh Harvey and I am a sex coach, with Love your O, and basically I'm an educator. I've been in the sex education field for well over a decade and it is my passion to help women to live their best lives. And you know, I think that sexual wellness has a huge, huge component of that and it's kind of overlooked in in, well, the US for sure. We know that. We know that shame is our number one word when it comes to sex.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Yeah, it is, it kills it, just kills it.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Shame kills it. Yeah, that's right, and you even helped me because you've given me some tools and some techniques that you do with your. You know the people that you coach and I have done that for myself and I love that. So, cause I I asked you, coach me, tell me what do you do? Cause I wanted to know and, um, it was really cool because I hadn't heard of those and I've been in the sex industry for a long time, and so you, you have a nice fresh new idea and a different way of looking at things and I love that. So, and for all my females out there, she will help you overcome some of those inhibitions, and we all have had them over the years.

Speaker 1: 4:14

So my background I've been doing sex since I was 18. My first business was coin-operated condom machines in the AIDS epidemic, because I believed that we needed to help protect them, and so that's been kind of my journey and it's been multiple, multiple businesses over the years, with my primary focus in healthcare, which is why my line is sex is better when you're healthy, and it is. It is better when you feel healthy and you feel good and you look good, because then you're like your ambitions. Oh, I mean just, things can happen in a good way. And when I say sex is better when you're healthy, it doesn't mean you have to be thin, or oh, I can't have a glass of wine, or I can't have a hamburger, I'm a hamburger, not talking about that. I'm talking about taking good care of yourself and loving yourself, and that is one thing that, shiloh, you had talked about that you teach, you get women going through in the beginning of your coaching sessions before you even get into the sex point, and I love that. Thank you, and I'm glad that you were the one who's like, let's do sex A to Z. And I'm like, oh, my God, okay, and here we go. So now we're on D, and thank you, cause I'm getting more and more comfortable.

Speaker 1: 5:36

The panic attacks are subsiding, the anxiety, the stomach oh, I'm doing, this is gone, it's getting gone. So that's a little bit. So let me just talk to you that we're going to spice up your educational for whatever you already know, we're just going to spice it up a little bit, give you a little bit more information that you probably didn't know. It's not to force you into doing anything, making you want to do anything, it's just teaching you. And so if you have any other educational conversations that you want to have, you can talk to Shiloh.

Speaker 1: 6:07

The girls at Schizo Kitty are all trained. In fact, I get to go through the training. I'm super excited about that, so I will learn about that today. But they've all been through sexual health training and so that, yeah, so it's super cool that it is becoming the new thing. And let's just say, as I don't know who else went through 2008, but I did. I lost everything and I'm going to tell you, when we go through recession, alcohol and sex sex are the number one topic, so we might as well talk about it and get a little comfortable. So let's do it.

Speaker 2: 6:43

Today's conversation is deeper, jesse may I say really like how awesome is it? The sex toy store that you're working, that you're at, is trains their people on sexual health, like. I think back to that first like encounter that I had when I was 18 and going into a sex store, which I just want to say it was in Green Bay, wisconsin. So anybody out there that lives Wisconsin I don't know what I'm talking about because I got a hardcore, I feel like, when I moved to Wisconsin. First of all, I grew up in Illinois, in the Chicago area, where you know you would think that you know like sex stores would be a thing, but I just want to tell you they were not.

Speaker 2: 7:22

And when I moved to Wisconsin, like the very first thing that I noticed, like driving up the highway, their sex stores, their sex toy stores on the side of the road are there, like you just pull off and you go, like this was a Wisconsin thing, right? So, anyway, my first voyage into a sex store. I mean it was dark for real. It was a little bit like I don't know what people are doing behind that curtain, but I know that if they put in some money or whatever, they got to watch shows, so 18 year old me might have been a little bit wow by yes yes she dare you and most of the sex stores, for these sex toy stores that are coming you know and really becoming educated and being able to help their customers and you know, yes, what they need to know, so that's cool, so yeah we're coming.

Speaker 1: 8:06

Yes, it. That is so cool that you say that, because you are right. I think that a lot of people have a misconception about what adult stores are about, and this particular store is not only about the sex toys, but it also has lingerie. It has integrative toys for you to play with, not only for yourself with partners. It has things for yourself with partners. It has things for yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:28

You know you are a single person and you want to have a motor bunny or a female. You know there's the gamma is crazy. So, and it is interesting that you say that, because back in the day it was dark, it was dingy, he used to have rooms where you could put the quarter in and you could have a little room. Well, and people do still come in here and ask for those things, and the ladies have told me that and so and I've seen people come in looking for what's behind those curtains there's no bathroom and there is no bathroom. You know those things. You probably will find them in the major metropolitan cities like LA, san Francisco, things like that. I mean, when I used to visit them in San Francisco, they had stairs going down, they had different rooms, they had dungeons. I mean, the gamma is just. It's crazy what you can see. What you can see.

Speaker 1: 9:34

But sex store, adult stores that sell product is strictly about selling product and helping people connect at a higher level in their relationship. And the cool thing about here is that what I'm learning, because this is new for me but these ladies are all educated. They all went through a class, a course. I mean it was so cool to watch how they work with people, a 23-year-old talking to a 70-year-old about anal sex and everyone, being comfortable, loved it Like, oh my gosh, seriously. So let's go on and talk about the big D, d, d D. Her delos, her heels. Oh, I was going to try and do that.

Speaker 2: 10:06

Twain, I'm not going up. We didn't have any of the clothes he's flexing down he is this one's good section?

Speaker 1: 10:14

yeah, oh, and, by the way, you can get car dents out of these. You can put these on the car dents.

Speaker 2: 10:18

I've seen that video. Yep, I mean, I've never tried it, but I have seen it.

Speaker 1: 10:25

They were let's talk about some myths about the dildos, because people think it's just for a personal use, just for me.

Speaker 2: 10:34

So I mean you know that's not necessarily true. I mean you know when you look at dildos, I mean like any toy, I mean they're going to be. You know they're toys for everyone. You know both. You know you can use them together with a partner, you can use it by yourself. Just depends on you know what you want to do.

Speaker 1: 10:53

Or you could do it for double penetration, which I love. Somebody came in this weekend. That was really cool to watch my, the 23 year old. I just loved watching that. Just, you know her very comfortable talking, and that's what I love is that it's a safe place to go into the adult stores and talk about it. So, um, but the double penetration that's a good one. So if your man is a little too big and you want a smaller dildo to go inside your anus, you can do that as well. So just a smaller dildo, you know? Okay, so now I. So they say that, um, it's only used by females. Now we know that's not the truth.

Speaker 2: 11:32

It's not true. Like I just said, it's used by you know, it's used by everyone you can use. You can both use them together.

Speaker 1: 11:39

And I want to be clear I don't care if you're gay or straight. Even straight men use so it's not manners.

Speaker 1: 11:47

Exactly and again when. I just want you to know if you're making comments. I certainly appreciate it. Thank you so much, but I'm assuming that we probably are not going to be able to see them, so we will respond after. But thank you, I can see people watching us. It's just, our topic is something that's uncomfortable for a lot of people. Okay, anyway, with regards to the dildos, they're not just for gay men, they're not just for females, for straight females or gay females, they're for straight men too, and having a female have a strap on and do that to a male, it could be a turn on, because the male anus has a lot of sensitivity down there, both anuses are. I know we already talked about anal sex, but using the dildo for those purposes is certainly important. Good is awesome, but with that, I want you to talk about lubrication.

Speaker 2: 12:39

Oh yes, Well, definitely need it. Lubrication is always a must. I mean, you know, and especially when it comes to anal play, you definitely want to have lubricant. I mean, if you're playing with a toy, you want to have it properly lubricated.

Speaker 1: 12:51

You know, you need to remember that.

Speaker 2: 12:52

So just remember, when it comes to anal play, you want to have a silicone lubricant that's not absorbed in tissues, so more. Otherwise, a water-based lubricant is fantastic to use and you know it's okay to use a lubricant. It doesn't mean that your partner's not turned on if they're using a lubricant just because you need that. Women, we have all kinds of stuff going on with us.

Speaker 1: 13:11

You know our partners need to realize that yes, exactly, we're precious little flowers is really kind of what we are yeah, yes as you said, monica from friends says calls her little thing a flower, and it is. Each petal is very delicate and very special and can do a lot of amazing things.

Speaker 2: 13:32

Tell us more about the dildo first of all, dildo and a vibrator are two separate things, Because a vibrator is a vibrator and it vibrates. A dildo does not mean that it vibrates. So a dildo generally is going to mean that it does not vibrate. It can be created with different you know different substances. I want to bring up the last one, because this one where you know it's kind of interesting, You're like, oh, but when it breaks, you know it's kind of interesting. You're like, oh, I want to break. You know it's not going to break at all, they're safe, they're made so that they can stand.

Speaker 1: 14:03

They're usually made out of Pyrex material so you can eat them and all that and they don't. They're really not breakable.

Speaker 2: 14:11

You're right and, like you just mentioned, you know. So the nice thing about glass is that you can. You can heat it up, you can cool it off so you can go in the freezer. You know you can have those extra sensations with the glass and I have a lot of clients who absolutely love the glass, you know, and are, like you know, love glass, like bring them back. So glass is always good.

Speaker 1: 14:30

You can also let me stay right there right now. Hold on one second. Let's stay with the glass. Um, they have an amazing selection and glass vibrator dildos here sorry, dildos. Amazing selection. Also about plants as well.

Speaker 1: 14:45

Um, that was a business that I did do back in the day when I was 30, so like 25 years ago. Sorry, there's a fly. It is going to be super hot here today. It's going to be like 95 degrees, but the glass dildo stuff is super fun. People think, oh, that looks it's so hard. It is hard, but it's supposed to be, it's not supposed to be painful. So you can get all different kinds of sizes. Cooling them and heating them are awesome. It adds a different flair to your sexual experience.

Speaker 1: 15:17

They are dishwasher safe, by the way, and I only know this because when I was selling I have to tell a story when I was selling my glass dildos, we used to give them out to people or test right To test, and then they give them back clean. I'd still boil them, wash them, and then I'd throw them in the dishwasher. And so I had my former mother-in-law come she goes what would you like me to do? Not clean, I'd still boil them, wash them, and then I'd throw them in the dishwasher. And so I had my former mother-in-law come. She goes, what would you like me to do? And I said, oh, could you please empty the dishwasher? That would be awesome. And so I come home and the dishwasher is not emptied and I'm like, damn, that's the only thing I asked her to do, like I mean, she did a lot of other things, but I opened the top. That's why she didn't open it. She didn't put the dishes away because the whole top level was full of glass.

Speaker 2: 16:05

Yes, and no, I wasn't Not wanting to put them in the dishwasher. There are toy cleaners that you can use that are absolutely fantastic for use.

Speaker 1: 16:16

Well, we were reusing them and we were having to give them back out to other people and and because we were testing them. So everyone knew we were testing. And are you kidding everyone? Okay, because they got a free one. Um, yeah, it was awesome, but my point is that, um, don't be scared to try things. Even though they may look scary, you'll find that they actually can be super fun. You know to try and you know you can get most of them anywhere from under 75, and you were up to 500 bucks it could just anywhere, but to get one to have is super fun. So, yeah, definitely Okay. So now we talked about the glass ones and now you were talking about the silicone. So there is also silicone, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 16:59

So there is also silicone. So similar to the one that she's batting around behind her, that's such in there. It's going to be a silicone. Those are going to be nice. They're going to be what you're probably most used to when it comes to a vibrator, because most of your vibrators are going to be made of a silicone material. Don't throw those ones in the dishwasher. Um, also, we're talking 25 years ago, that's one thing to know.

Speaker 2: 17:21

I know, but people are gonna get stuck on that, for, like, I can throw it in the dishwasher, don't throw your dishwasher, y'all. It's not a good plan. They learn that just because they used to do that. That's why the joke is there shame on me.

Speaker 2: 17:34

Bad habits okay you know what you didn't know, what you didn't know 25 years ago. Oh, we learn. You know what you didn't know, what you didn't know 25 years ago. Oh, we learn, we learn. Oh, and you know what I'm pointing out about your silicone, your silicone dildos, is store them together, please, if you don't want them touching. You always want to keep them apart. They do create, like toy toy, little toy bags. You can separate them with a towel, but you don't want them touching together Because if they touch together you could come fall into your drawer and look and see, can you have one fly instead of two? Because they became melons together and you don't want that.

Speaker 1: 18:08

Yeah, and you probably want to clean them after the use and not leave.

Speaker 2: 18:12

You want to make sure that you're cleaning them before and after each use.

Speaker 1: 18:15

Yes, yes, definitely. People need to realize, especially women and men may not understand, but if they're not cleaned well, we easily can get a bladder infection, a yeast infection or kind of a back, any kind of infection, Back infections.

Speaker 2: 18:29

Yes.

Speaker 1: 18:31

Yeah, we're super sensitive down there to all that. So, making sure all the whatever you wipe it off with, whatever toy cleaner you use, that you definitely make sure it's all done gone before you insert and whatnot.

Speaker 2: 18:44

Be sensitive to that and think of it with your hands. Y'all Like wash your hands, I'm big on.

Speaker 1: 18:49

I got to tell you I'm big on the shower or bath before the sex stuff because the genitals carry so much bacteria before the sex stuff, because the genitals carry so much bacteria and I found over the years that that has worked the best. Where I have the least amount of infections is by doing that particular process before sex. And I think that if people could have a good cleanliness I mean, I know ravaged sex after going out and having fun Okay, cool, you're not going to probably help in the shower but take a towel, wipe yourself off we just carry a lot of gooky stuff around all day, and men can get infections too from women's stuff, so it goes back and forth. So it is important to stay hygiene and clean and all that. So, yeah, yes, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 19:39

Definitely so. Other options for your dildos you can also get them in a stainless steel. So, again, like the glass, the metal can be cooled and warmed up. Yay, you know they're going to stay firm, you know. So that's always a nice thing. And then, last but not least, stone dildos. So these ones made of granite or marble, and a hard, smooth sensation. I have never seen this on one. I just want to say I've never actually seen that. Awesome, I haven't either, but I can say, under the same, you know, you can definitely warm them up, cool them off, kind of thing as well. I also have that same theme and category there.

Speaker 1: 20:22

Yeah, that's really fun why we're talking about this and talking about the different types of products to put inside your and play with. Please, please, do not put in. I know people like to just try other items out there in the world vegetables, other products at home, whatnot, and cucumber and cucumbers, carrots, I've heard but the problem with these things is that they can split off and actually create an issue inside of your vaginas. Putting any types of products other than products that are clear to be safe to go into your vagina you probably don't want to do. Otherwise it will go to death. I have, unfortunately, seen a female. I was very shocked about it, but she died from that, wow. So, yeah, that was pretty shocking, yeah, and so I just wanted to say, as we're talking about putting products in our vaginas, don't put things that are not safe in your vagina, you know.

Speaker 2: 21:20

And also, yeah, and I mean with the food. You know one thing that sugars create can create urinary tract infections, all those fun bacteria infections. So you know, you want to make sure. You know whipped cream sounds like fun, but keep it up, up top, not below, because those sugars can cause infections.

Speaker 1: 21:39

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:41

So keep it on the nipple If you want to yep, put it on the nipple. If you want to Lick it off there, but don't take it downstairs y'all, that goes both ways. Don't put it on his either, because if y'all are going to have sex afterwards, that sugar that was on his, you know, it's kind of still there's traces.

Speaker 1: 21:56

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2: 21:58

Keep it high. You know, don't do sugars y'all, it's not good. Yeah, Get the safe products for all of those edible fun times.

Speaker 1: 22:09

Yes, and, by the way, they have a lot of edible fun products here that are safe for you to use down under, and they have a lot of heating oils, a lot of different types of lubes and play stuff. So go out and experiment. But go to your local adult store, call us. We could get you guys all set up. Whoever wants to get a little packet of goodies sent to them, so the ladies are happy to help as well, all right. Well, anything else about our dildos that we want to talk about?

Speaker 2: 22:39

Well, let's just talk about you know, I guess one question that always comes up is how do I talk to my partner about this?

Speaker 2: 22:45

how do I bring this up like how do we talk about this? I don't know why sex is scary to talk about. It goes back to that shame thing y'all. We don't talk about it because we're shamed of it. And then we think that, oh my gosh, if I ask to add a toy to the bedroom, like he's gonna think that I'm trying to replace him. I mean, there's so many misconceptions about toys and I just want you to know that the vibrator was invented by because women used to go to the doctor to get treatments and these treatments that poor doctor eat, that carpal tunnel and the vibrator would form as a result of that. Just want to say this used to be a medical practice for the vibrator. Now, obviously, dildos have been around for a lot longer. But you know, when you're getting around to introducing a toy, you know think of your sexy time or time with your partner. You know that's your playtime. So why not introduce toys? But you can reassure them that it's not there to replace them. You're never replacing them, you're letting them play different.

Speaker 1: 23:50

It's just an integration To me. You got to bring toys in to build better connection. And if she does end up having a different type of orgasm when she has a dildo in her, it will be probably different when there's penicentery. And that doesn't mean that your penicentery isn't what she does, she's going to replace that. No, they're just different orgasms and if you go to our clitoral podcast or live stream that we did, the woman's clitoris and down under is so there's so many facets and we have so many different types of orgasms. I mean I can't even tell you. I mean I wouldn't even tell you how many different types I have. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 24:37

I keep on still experiencing, especially as I get older. I experience them even differently. So, and I still, to this day, use integration of a dildo and vibrator combo and even with partners, I still do, and I think it's healthy, it's super healthy and it's not replacing the partner, it's just a different feel. And I know the big one fell down. But you know, I'll tell you, when you have a big, when a female can put a child through their or through their vagina Okay, I know men don't like to think like that, but when you have a bigger dildo inside of you. Your, your body can stretch to that and that orgasm can be super amazing. So trying all kinds of different sizes and all that is super, not shameful in a relationship when you're trying to connect with your partner. It's healthy, yeah, Super healthy.

Speaker 2: 25:36

Can't be ashamed of what makes you come, just run out of it. Oh yeah, any. You don't have fun. You don't take your, take your significant other over to the sex toy store. You know there are those helpful people that can help you with shopping. But also it's just helpful, like look at the website with your, with your partner, like see what they're thinking about things. Like you don't even know what they're thinking about things until you actually have a conversation about it. So you know, open up. I learned.

Speaker 1: 26:06

Some people talked about some things this weekend. This weekend I was like, wow, cool, never tried that before, awesome, you know. So you know we had a bride group come in and, um, she got a little bridal outfit and she paired it with a butterfly for the remote to her man. I mean, what a better. I mean, come on, have fun. You know, just playing around is really key to in a relationship and I know we did our series of dead bedrooms last year and it's like it's just, it's crazy, dead bedrooms. It's called we got to talk, it's time to have a talk, and they're difficult to have. They're really difficult. And if you're not comfortable with your partner, meaning like you don't have a good relationship already, that's got to be worked on first. People to understand, you know you got to fix those things first before you can really have a good sexual relationship. But working on those will build a better sex relationship because that means you're connecting emotionally and physically and that's what women want.

Speaker 2: 27:15

So that's right, absolutely Women like that. Women need the emotional connection.

Speaker 1: 27:21

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2: 27:22

Yes, Women definitely are emotional. We are emotional creatures, y'all All 85 different personalities that we have like we're emotional.

Speaker 1: 27:31

Yes, we are, yes, okay. Well, let me just say a couple more things. What we're doing here, shiloh and I, with that, with Schizo Kitty, we're doing our raffles. We're going to have events. That's the reason why I'm dressed in my muumuu today. I'll take a picture with, have the gals take a picture of me in my Mrs Roper costume. So we'll do little events. That's a big deal here in Southern California is Mrs Roper events and everyone dresses as Mrs Roper. We have them across the country.

Speaker 2: 28:04

Is it? Is it good over there too? Yeah, good over there too. I heard of, actually, a friend of mine not too long ago was just talking about doing that I'm in Austin.

Speaker 1: 28:08

I just got accepted to do Mrs Roper in the Huntington Beach 4th of July parade. If you've never been to 4th of July parade in Huntington Beach, it's like one of the best 4th of July parties ever. And so I just got accepted to be a Miss Roper in the 4th of July, Huntington Beach Congratulations. So we will be representing Schizo Kitty and the Gilston. Let's talk about sex with me, Stephanie Smith. So that will be super fun. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to do events and more lives, and as we get more comfortable, we'll do even more things. So it's super fun teaching everyone about A to Z about sex. So I'm going to do. You have anything else to say? My love.

Speaker 2: 28:59

You know I'm here. I'm here as a coach to you know, help the ladies. You know I'm here to help you feel better about yourself. If you have a goal that you've been trying to figure out, like why you can't get there and you need that extra support, I'm here for you. You want to talk about your sexuality and discover what it is that you actually like and figure out how to come out about what it is that you want and release that shame, let out about what it is that you want and release that shame.

Speaker 1: 29:22

Let's talk. Let's talk, all right. Well, that's great. Okay, so we've reached the end of another exhilarating episode of Sex Talk A to Z with Steph and Shiloh. If you have managed to stick with us to the end, give yourself a pat on the back and we do. We have people at the end. Thank you so much. You are officially a certified sex ed warrior. We you are officially a certified sex ed warrior. We can't thank you enough for tuning in, laughing with us and hopefully learning a thing or two along the way. Your support keeps us going, so don't forget to subscribe, like, follow, comment and spread the word like Conspetti. Until next time, stay curious, stay safe and remember it's all about the ABCs Always be curious. See you next time. All right, thanks, shiloh for joining me. Have a great one. Thanks, abby. Bye, everyone, bye.