445. Fear Has Two Meanings, Choose Wisely

On this episode, Nellie discusses the dual meanings of fear, emphasizing the choice between freaking out and running away or facing and rising. She highlights that fear is a normal response to danger but also to challenges that seem overwhelming. She advises against avoiding fears, suggesting that facing them leads to personal growth and success. She suggests a practical exercise to list and confront specific fears, focusing on those that could significantly improve one's life. Nellie shares personal experiences and strategies, such as setting step count goals and leveraging accountability, to illustrate the benefits of facing challenges head-on.

We will touch on:

• Fear Has Two Meanings: Introduction and Context
• Understanding the Trauma Response
• Facing Fears and Learning Lessons
• Practical Exercise for Facing Fears
• The Power of Small Steps and Accountability
• Facing Challenges with Love and Kindness
• The Role of Mentors and Accountability
• The Importance of Progress and Avoiding Heavy Energy
• The Power of Small Wins and Accountability
• The Transformative Power of Facing Challenges
• Final Encouragement and Call to Action

Let's Take Some Action:

• Write down all the fears that are preventing you from creating the life you want.
• Identify the fears that, when faced, could truly help you create a wealthy, healthy, and happy life.
• Reach out to the accountability partner (or Nellie) if you need help facing your fears and rising.

Transcript

Unknown: 1:23

I think one of the hardest things about being a mom, there's a lot, there's a lot, but when bedtime takes so long, and all you're wanting is like, a little bit of peace and quiet, but by the time you get multiple children to bed, or even just one child, you're like, so exhausted that you're like, I'm I might as well just go to bed. You may like, there may be a child that comes through the door. It could, it could happen, but fingers crossed, I can have a moment in peace to talk to somebody out there, because this message is so, so important, and I loved it, and just intuitively think about the message that I want to talk about. So this just landed in me today, and I was like, Okay, this is this is the message. So fear has two meanings, and the first one is a little bit different than maybe what you've heard, but it needs to be said. So the first one is freak out and eventually, like eventually you run away, right? Or you face everything and you rise so you get to choose, are you going to freak out and run away, or are you going to face it and and rise? And they create two different, extremely different realities. And it is your choice, and it is not always easy. And also you can, you can absolutely freak out. It is normal to freak out, depending on what's happening. And the goal, though, is that you don't run away. That is a pattern that I see. I have seen it in myself. I have seen it in other people, also very normal, right? It is a trauma response. If something is too hard, if it is too scary, if it's taking longer, if it's frustrating, if it's overwhelming, right? You know, name so many things it is, it makes perfect sense why we would run away. It is extremely justified. And there are so many situations where it does make sense to run away, to walk away, right, whatever it may be. And also, there are so many situations where it's like, if we just faced it head on and Rose, would it be so magical? Because when we're truly not meant to run away, we're gonna learn the lesson again and again and again until we finally learn it. So we're gonna put the things off the table that, like, you should run away from, like, if there is a bear chasing you, I don't want you to be like, but Nelly told me to face it and I would rise. So we're just gonna, like, have the understanding that, like when you are in true danger. That is, that is why we have fear when you're in true danger, whether it's mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, or whatever it may be, there are times where you should freak out and run away, and that is to protect you, and that's what's tricky. Is there are also a lot of situations where you're not technically in danger, but your brain is freaking out as if a bear is chasing you. But really it's either just harder than we thought. It's taking longer we are facing a lot of rejection or frustration, or, you know, things that like are uncomfortable. And so when we feel those feelings, it feels like a bear is chasing us. And so then when we feel that way, and our brain is like, oh, a bear, right? Air quotes, a bear is chasing us. You get yourself out of there, right? You you you cancel your online software, you cancel, you know, your webinar, you cancel whatever was like going for you, even like health and fitness, cancel that, right? And so when your brain thinks a bear is chasing you, it will respond accordingly. And so your brain only knows what you tell it. And so it's so important that we actually face things head on and rise because then you're going to be so proud of yourself. The the discomfort is very, actually pretty short when you face it, we actually experience more discomfort the more times we have to learn a lesson. Right? Think about it as if like you. Yo. Yo. Diet, right? And you're trying to lose the same 10 pounds over and over and over and over again. You spend more time, more money, more energy, yo, yo dieting, because you're like, you lose weight, and then you run away, right? You lose weight, and then you run away. You lose weight and you run away. And when I say run away, I'm like, talking about like, you stop doing the habits that you know are truly benefiting you, if you are, like, doing a savings challenge, and you're doing so well, but then you stop saving, right? And then you start spending more than you're making, in a way that's you, you know, freaking out, even if it's subconsciously. And then eventually you run away from the habit, and then we're frustrated that, like, we're relearning a pattern again, and then we're like, back at square one. And so you can truly, truly, truly, truly, create such a wealthy life when you decide I'm going to face this, whatever it is. So this is a really practical exercise that you can do. I want you to write down all the things right now that you are fearful of and get really, really honest with yourself. Now, some of those things will probably take off. Maybe you're afraid of heights. That is an okay thing. Like, can you face your fear of heights, for sure, but is it, if you never faced your fear of heights and your whole life, you could still create your happiest, healthiest, wealthiest life, right? If you have a fear of spiders, if you never face your fear with spiders, you're probably going to be okay, right now, can there be power in facing your fear around heights or spiders or whatever. Maybe for sure, but for this extra exercise, I want you to take those type types of things and just put them off to the side. So maybe you're afraid to post on social media, maybe you're afraid to build your own membership. Maybe you're afraid to message people like DM people, maybe you're afraid to speak on stage, so put some things on the list and keep them there that you're like when I face these things, I could truly create a wealthy, healthy, happy life, like you have a hunch, right? Like you have a hunch that if you faced your fear of public speaking, if you faced your fear of reaching out to people in the DMS or creating a membership, or, you know, learning more about finances, or, you know, whatever it may be like, maybe you're so afraid to start a online business, because you don't want to fail, right? Like, it can be as big as that, or as small as, like, putting on makeup, because you're like, I don't know how to do it right. Or, you know, whatever it may be, I want you to really, really, really, really get honest with yourself, of like all of the fears, and keep the ones on the list that you're like. When I face these, I could create a super, happy, healthy, wealthy life. And there's your to do list. There it is, right in front of you. When we stop avoiding the very things, the activities, the habits, right? And we get so honest with ourselves, and one by one, slowly go through the list, you now have the answers like we're searching for the answers everywhere, but they're literally right in front of us. And when you do this exercise, they were, they will truly be right in front of you. Even in just a few days of doing my step count goal, I have learned so much about myself, so much about myself. I am so much more in tuned with being intentional, and I don't want to say pushing myself, but you know, if I couldn't get a hardcore workout in before this month, I just didn't really do anything. And so what I'm learning in just a few days, I'm looking at my Apple watch, what I'm learning in just a few days is like, well, 10,000 steps a day is better than no steps, right? And I love a goal that is so time bound and so urgent, because my brain truly needs that if it's too far away, I will take that long. I just know that about myself. And so I'm seeing some correlations in my business and in my health, that when I like, lean into them and face them, I'm gonna keep rising like and all the boats in the harbor rise when there's more and more like water, right? Like all the boats in the harbor rise. So when you think about all the boats being actually aspects of your life and your business, it's huge. Like, I've been getting automations in. Place I've been, like, really reverse engineering. Like, what else can my team do to help bring in more revenue? So it's not just on me, and then I'm coming to our team meeting prepared and getting, like, very specific, because I don't want anyone doing busy work. Like, I don't want to be busy doing busy work, and I don't want them doing busy work, right. And like, there's always conversations that I get to have with clients and team members and my significant other. Like, I have just learned that it's so much better to face, face it, head on, whatever it may be, big or small. I think you can regulate yourself during the process, but it is so much easier. Truly, it is so much easier to face it head on whatever it is, versus avoiding it. And I hear things like all the time, well, I don't like confrontation. I don't like things to be hard. I don't like them to be difficult. And there's solutions around all of that. I anytime I'm having an uncomfortable conversation with myself or somebody else, I lean into love like I even my kids, like I lean into love as much as I possibly can. I can be firm, but I can be loving like I never want to be the person that's like yelling at somebody so I can have uncomfortable conversations and still be very kind and loving and direct, and so much more powerful than avoiding the conversation and then frustrated about something, right? And so it's just so powerful when we can face it, face it head on, and you don't have to do this all at once. I would highly recommend you not to do it all at once, and to really focus on one thing at a time, and that way your body and your brain have time to regulate so you're not like completely rattling your nervous system. But the more you do it, the more you'll realize, Wow, I just went up up a level. I just went up another level. I just went up another another level. Hanging on to heavy energy, like avoiding like running away, it does weigh on us. We want to finish things as humans. We want to progress as humans. We want to feel good as humans. And so how we can do that is facing everything and rising like the rising is what people want. And so in order, it's like the be do have right? In order to have the success, the rising right, the leveling up, you've got to face it. You've got to face it. And this is where mentors come into place. This is where accountability comes into place. This is where tools and resources and community and collaboration make it so much easier to face everything, because then you're not trying to do it alone. So if I can help in any way, let me know I've spent 1000s and 1000s of hours on the phone, on Zoom, in person, with amazing women and helping them face things head on, and rising in the process, and I promise you, along with habits, this is how you do it, like this is how you create your wealthiest, healthiest, happiest life. Is facing everything, building in habits and having fun doing it. It's like, it's a surprise. There you go. There it is on a silver platter. That's how you do it. And you can have your own spin on it. You can be messy in the process. You can kick and scream and cuss if you need to. At times, I am kicking and screaming and cussing like there was a few days ago that my step count, I was procrastinating. I will not beat around the Butch. I was not on top of my numbers and checking in. And it was like in the 11th hour, and I had quite a bit of steps to do, and I was walking around my living room and rolling my eyes at myself, and I was like, I'm fucking getting this done, like I am not falling off the bandwagon a couple days in, like I am fucking doing this. And I kept walking around, checking my Apple Watch, walking around, and I just, like, kept rolling my eyes as I was moving my body, like I was so annoyed with myself and like I was laughing in the process. So I think it's okay to be annoyed with yourself. I've I've been really striving not to shame myself and beat myself up, but sometimes, see I told you Hi, party crashed. Um. Um, sometimes I'm gonna get annoyed with myself, like, you know, if anyone's gonna get annoyed with me, it's better to be me than someone else. So I say that because we're all human. So it's focusing on what's most important, and facing that right, facing your home and decluttering it, facing your health and fitness, facing your significant other, facing your finances, facing your automation in your business, content creation, getting so effing good at sales and nurturing and finances in your business. Like, imagine if you faced everything in your life, in your business, not all at once, but like, over a year, you would transform your whole entire life and your whole entire business. And you know, I'm right, you know I'm right. And this is where I come in. This is where I come in. Imagine if week after week you were, like, facing a different thing each week, 52 things, right? Or maybe something is carried over to multiple weeks. But this is the power in accountability. This is the power and facing things and rising and I would love to help you in any way that I can. So think about like, that first thing that you're like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna face this, and then let me know what that is in the DMS. Okay, I love you. I.