Winning Begins at Home: Achieving Success in Career and Life Balance with Randy Gravitt

In this episode, we dive deep into the vital yet often neglected aspect of success: winning at home. Join us for an insightful conversation with Randy Gravitt, the visionary founder of Lead Every Day, as he shares his inspiring journey from North Georgia to collaborating with renowned organizations like Chick-fil-A and professional sports teams. Randy unveils the profound insights from his latest book, "Winning Begins at Home," offering actionable strategies not only for professional success but also for finding fulfillment in your personal life.

Discover why achieving greatness in your career while neglecting personal relationships can lead to a hollow victory. Through compelling discussions and reflective questions inspired by Stephen Covey's principles, Randy underscores the necessity of envisioning your ideal family life and taking deliberate actions to realize it. Explore poignant real-life stories, such as that of an NFL assistant coach, highlighting the profound impact that professional success can have on family life, emphasizing the importance of genuine connections over mere physical presence.

Learn how cultivating traits like teachability and positivity can not only make you a leader worth following but also help you strike a harmonious balance between career triumphs and personal contentment.

This episode is a goldmine of actionable wisdom for anyone striving to grow intentionally and lead a life that is both balanced and impactful.

Get 'Winning Begins at Home' & Access Free Leadership Course!
Enhance your leadership journey with Randy Gravitt's latest book, 'Winning Begins at Home.' Purchase the book from your favorite retailer, then visit winningbeginsathome.com to claim your free access to our leadership academy and other valuable resources. 

Transcript

Dr. William Attaway: 0:00

Today's going to be a really special episode. I'm excited to have Randy Gravitt on the podcast. Randy is an author, a speaker and an executive coach who encourages leaders to reach their potential. In 2014, randy founded Lead Every Day, where he currently serves as the CEO. That is, the chief encouragement officer, leading a team of coaches and consultants who work with high-performance leaders, organizations and teams around the world. As a speaker, randy delivers keynotes and training workshops on the topics of leadership, culture, team building, organizational effectiveness and peak performance. He's worked with Chick-fil-A, grand Hyatt, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, kroger and the Windshape Foundation. He's also served as one of the leadership coaches for the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Buffalo Bills. Randy's new book Winning Begins at Home, is what we're going to be talking about today. I was incredibly, incredibly privileged to get to read a pre-release copy of this book and I got to tell you this is one I'm going to be recommending. Often, it's so easy to talk about winning at work, isn't it? But today we're going to talk about winning at home and how much that matters.

Intro / Outro: 1:19

Welcome to Catalytic Leadership, the podcast designed to help leaders intentionally grow and thrive. Here is your host author and leadership and executive coach, Dr William Attaway.

Dr. William Attaway: 1:37

Randy, it is so great to get to meet you and talk with you about your new book, but before we jump into that, I would love for you to share some of your story with our listeners, who may not be familiar with you, particularly around your journey and your development as a leader. How did you get started?

Randy Gravitt: 1:56

I've been around for a while, but thanks for having me on.

Randy Gravitt: 1:58

Let me say first of all, thanks for all you do. I'm grateful for your work. Grateful to be here, but here I've been around for a while, so there's a lot of the journey. The real quick version is I grew up in a little small town in North Georgia. I ended up working in education for about a decade. I coached and taught and then ended up with a nonprofit for about almost 20 years on the south side of Atlanta and then, back in 2014, I just felt like I want to see if I can help more leaders.

Randy Gravitt: 2:33

I've been in the leader development much like you've been in the leader development space for a long time and I thought I'm going to try to help more people if I can. And so we started doing some training and team building and speaking for Chick-fil-A. A lot of people heard of Chick-fil-A was doing that and it just started to grow. And the next thing, you know we're working with all kinds of companies. I said we are. It was just kind of me at that point and and so, yeah, about about a little over a decade ago, we started working with leaders and teams and companies and helping them build culture and engagement and execute their plans and leadership development stuff, and so that's what we've been doing really for the last 10 years, and my transition to that was a little bit of a.

Randy Gravitt: 3:19

It was a moment, really, where I felt like if I don't give this a shot right now, I think I'm going to be an old man someday and probably have some regret that I didn't try it. And I gave myself the little speech. Basically, if I try this and it doesn't work, I'll be disappointed in myself, but I probably won't have any regret because I gave it a shot. And so I mean it literally was. My speech was like I can live with disappointment, I don't want to live with regret. And so that's really how it started. And we've been helping folks for the last really 30 plus years, but the last 10 years specifically with Lead, every Day and the things we have going on there in our company. We've got a team, a fleet of business here with a team of 15, 20 people that are at any given time are involved in what we're doing, and we just got a little troop that we go out and try to help serve leaders and serve organizations. It's a lot of fun and you make a big difference.

Dr. William Attaway: 4:13

You know your podcast, your show Lead Every Day that you just mentioned. This is one that I listen to and watch every week because y'all have some fantastic content there and I love being able to share that and tell other people hey, check these guys out. This is some really great insight. Don't miss this, because you're coming at it not just from a academic perspective.

Randy Gravitt: 4:37

You're living it, you're doing it we mark miller is, uh, my partner and mark was. He was at Chick-fil-A. He was their leadership and development guy executive level there for a long time, nearly 40 years he stayed and so when he left last summer he joined what I'm doing and it's been a lot of fun and so, yeah, we have a lot of fun on the podcast. We call ourselves practitioners, I think.

Randy Gravitt: 5:03

I think it's important to have academic part and theory and all that stuff's great, but we're trying to help owners with tactics and practices. I think you behave your way to high performance and so we're trying to give people stuff all the time that they can do to help get better. So, yeah, mark always says hope's not a strategy, and I think that's really great it's. You know, most people are just out there hoping something will change and we're all about let's, let's have a process that's going to help develop people. So, yeah, that's what we do. It's so cool.

Dr. William Attaway: 5:38

Love it and I love this new book. This is coming out actually the day we're going to release this episode. This is coming out actually the day we're going to release this episode. And when I read this thank you for the pre-release copy of this and the opportunity to read this as I read this, I thought, my goodness, I wish I had read this 20, 30 years ago. I wish I had read this when my kids were young. I wish I had read this. And, of course, you can't go back, you can't walk it back. But, boy, this has so much insight that I would imagine is born from personal experience and the experiences of people that you have worked with, coached, spoken to yeah, what inspired?

Dr. William Attaway: 6:15

you to write this so.

Randy Gravitt: 6:17

So I got I got actually a hard copy here. They came out to come up today, but I got, uh, the pre-release. I was glad to send you one of those, but we things and books are actually out. It's called Winning Begins at Home. And to your question, I'm just we're working with leaders everywhere and, you know, helping them chase high performance and can we build engagement and culture and leadership, like I talked about a moment ago.

Randy Gravitt: 6:40

And yet I started having these conversations with men and women are in executive roles or they own an agency or a business, and they kept, they kept the way I summarize it. They kept telling me, basically things are good at work or could be better. I mean that's why we're usually working with them, we're trying to help them. You know, level up, but but things are not so good outside of work. And basically the way I summarize it is if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose. I mean that's basically what people were telling me.

Randy Gravitt: 7:10

You know, we grew up in a world or I grew up in a world. I mean, again, I've been for a while where everybody talked about nine to five. You know what's going to happen from nine to five, and I think that's. Those days are long gone, probably. But if we use that language here for just a second and ask ourselves what's happening from nine to five in the workplace, yes, that's important. Most of us can measure that. We get paid there, we get promoted there, we get raises there, we get a list of goals there.

Randy Gravitt: 7:37

But I'm more concerned, or equally concerned, with what's going on from five to nine, what happens outside of work, and I think the leaders, the owners, who are telling me that we started focusing on that more, they've realized that actually it builds a better employee. You know, when we were helping them went outside of work. They're actually better at work, and so we just wanted to bring a little bit of balance to the conversation. We create all this content for, you know, for Chick-fil-A and all these other companies that we've used in leader development, and I thought where's the resource to help a leader outside of work?

Randy Gravitt: 8:12

When it comes to family life, it's bigger outside of work than just this book. I mean, the book is more about how to build a great family, but there's fitness and finances and interests and hobbies. All kinds of things happen outside of work and you know we talk about those winning beyond work sometimes too, but specifically, winning Begins at Home is a book that's really tried to help leaders, you know, have a blueprint to thrive in those family relationships which I think, at the end of the day, those are the ones that are so life-giving if we get it right, and if we don't, they're the ones where maybe that's where regret really lies.

Dr. William Attaway: 8:47

You know, as I was reading through this, I use a word all the time with clients that I work with, and it's the word intentional. And as I was reading this book, that is the word that just kept flashing through my mind. This is so intentional, this is so purposeful, because this isn't just going to happen. You're not going to wake up one day without intention and purpose. You're not going to wake up one day and say, oh wow, I've got an amazing family. Everything is happening at home just like I wanted it to. Isn't that something? You've got to be intentional about it?

Randy Gravitt: 9:18

I believe you do. I have a friend. I was talking to him the other day and he made this comment. He was, we were talking about dads and he said I've never known a a bad dad who was trying to be a great dad. I thought that's just so simple. But it's just like he said, all the great dads I know are trying to be great dads. They're not just winging it and hoping they become a great dad, they're.

Randy Gravitt: 9:39

But back to your point there. There is some intent there and I've got a guy on our team who actually illustrated this for me in a pretty profound way His daughter. They live up in Kentucky and his daughter had joined the archery team when she got to high school and he was telling me this story. He said I've never been to a meet before, I didn't know anything about it. But we're in a conference room working with a company. He draws this target basically on a wall and he he said the first time he goes. He said he got all the rings on the target. You know you picture an archery target. And he said if you get the outside ring, you actually get some points. And he said I didn't know that, but you know if you hit inside, that you know the ring, the next ring get more points all the way down to the bullseye. We would all you know that makes pretty good sense that you get a lot of points if you hit the bullseye.

Randy Gravitt: 10:31

I think that's a great reminder for us as moms and dads or brothers and sisters, whatever in a family relationship, you get your parent. I think if we have intent like you're talking about, we do have focus. That's much better to be strategic in that way than it is sporadic. Even with companies, we talk to them. A lot of them do the right thing occasionally, but to, over and over and over, have people that do the right thing, the right way every time, to go home and have a focus on being home when you're home, those kinds of things. I think that intent or intention like you're describing there, to me that is where winning starts. It's like what am I trying to do? And again, I like that simplicity. If I'm going to be a great dad or a great husband or a great wife or a great mom, I'm probably going to need to be intentional about it. That's what I'm trying to be. So it starts with a decision, but then we take those steps, and it's cool how we begin to make progress.

Dr. William Attaway: 11:30

You know, the first thing that I underlined in the book was before you even began the story. You said if you win at work and you lose at home, you still lose. Yeah, that is so insightful and I think there's a lot of, particularly in the entrepreneurial space, but in business leadership as well. There are people who struggle with this. I feel like I'm winning at work, I'm hitting the KPIs, I'm accomplishing what I'm supposed to do, and then there's home. What are the KPIs there? How do you win there? And that's why you wrote this book. How do you translate some of this? How can you be as strategic at home? And you talk about the importance of defining what success looks like, defining what the center of that bullseye is. Can you talk about why that's important to do?

Randy Gravitt: 12:29

Yeah, well, I think if we're not careful, we'll just put it on autopilot and hope, you know. Go back to Mark's statement. Hope is not a strategy. We'll hope things will be OK or maybe somebody will change, or maybe I'll get it right this week. I just think that's dangerous to to think that way and not have some action behind that. Really, almost back to what we're talking about with intention. It's just what is that like you're describing? What is that bullseye that we're? How do we define success? What kind of family do we want we talk about? Why do we want that family? What's our motive? I think when we begin to answer some of those questions, it really does position us to have a different kind of family life I mentioned a minute ago.

Randy Gravitt: 13:16

I think when we go to work, you go back to your KPIs. Or you know I've got a checklist at work, or I've got a list of goals that my boss gave me, or maybe I'm the owner and we're trying to. You know I've got a checklist at work, or I've got a list of goals that my boss gave me, or maybe I'm the owner and we're trying to. You know, profit, we can measure all that stuff. There's stuff to measure at work, and yet when I go home I don't really have a way to measure it, william, and if I'm not careful, I'll just be more comfortable at work because I can count it over there. And then I go home and I'm not really sure what happens. But I think having some ways to think about this, and so I'll give you, your audience, a question here what do you want to be true when you're 80 years old? So that sounds crazy, because, well, not as crazy for me, because I'm probably entering the fourth quarter here of my life, but you have a lot of people that are listening, You're going. What do you want? Is that even relevant? I'm 25. I got a new business. Or I'm 32 and you know, brand new family I don't need to worry about 80.

Randy Gravitt: 14:08

Years ago there was a Stephen Covey wrote a book called the seven habits of highly effective people. A lot of people probably read it, but it's been 30, 40 years when I maybe early nineties or mid nineties, this thing was out. I'm not sure it's been. It's been a while, and one of the things he talked about was getting with the end in mind. That's one of the seven habits Most people really have a picture of where they want to go.

Randy Gravitt: 14:29

And I think vision is all of us. As business owners, we don't have a vision. You can't take people there and you also know, if you're a business owner, that the more your business is going fast I mean a lot of people, your listeners they've got a high-speed business and they're very successful and the faster you go. If we're driving a car down the freeway, we're driving really fast, the signs get fuzzy, we miss our exit. I think the same thing's true in our business. If we're not careful, things will get fuzzy with our vision. And if it's fuzzy to you, it's blurry to the people following you. I always tell people it's like your people are not going to be able to see it if you can't see it and keep it really clear for them. I think that's easier. At work it's still hard, but at home you're going.

Randy Gravitt: 15:11

What is the vision? I'm not even sure that I have a vision. I'm just kind of winging it and hoping nobody's upset with me this week. What if you ask yourself the question what would I need to do to live my life in such a way that the people who know me the best actually love me the most? I think that's just one simple question that we could all start with. And the reality is there's a bunch of people who the people who know them the best actually respect them the least. They don't. They're just like because I'm always at the office or when I'm home I'm not actually at home. I'm tethered to my technology and I've still got my emails coming in, my text messages coming in, all this kind of stuff.

Randy Gravitt: 15:49

And so, as I thought about that Stephen Covey thing, he said begin with the end of mind. He had this exercise in this workshop I attended. He said write out your eulogy. And I didn't want to do. I didn't. I'm like I'm not really interested in my eulogy right now, but I wanted to go to my 80th birthday party. So I would love for your audience to just, in their mind, go, who do you want to be there if you do make it to 80? Who do you want to be there? What do you want them to say? And I'm guessing you're going to want your family there, you're going to want some people that maybe you'll have grandkids those days, or whatever, the people that are closest to you they're going to show up. What do you want them to say? We've heard for years. Nobody's going to say on that day, or even to go to your funeral whatever. Nobody's going to say I wish I'd worked more or I'd done more email.

Randy Gravitt: 16:38

I think the regret is going to come. Go back to our regret word a minute ago. I think the regret is going to come if we've not been intentional about those relationships that we're closest to, and back to the way we're describing it here. If we're not careful, I'll be validated at work and I'm not really sure I am at home, and so I think that question how do I live in such a way that the people who know me the best love me the most? That's one little way to think about that. So we get to that day. You know, down the road and people are like you know that this was a fun family to be a part of. I love the idea of everybody being in a great family. Now, the truth is, we both know there are no perfect families.

Randy Gravitt: 17:16

We're all a mess and it's you know, it's just not easy here, but the truth is, if we can really focus on this, it can be a life-giving place, and when people grow up in a good, stable home, things usually turn out better for them than if they're in a home that there's not a lot of intent going on. It just makes it harder. We've all probably been in families that every family experiences those moments where things are not together and they're not good. Maybe there's people listening that this has never been good for you and you're going I don't, that's not what I want, and so how do we make that shift? And I think that's where our joy in our life comes from. If we get that right outside of work, it makes work even a lot more fun, if you ask me.

Dr. William Attaway: 18:00

I agree. You know this was a hard lesson for me to learn and I say that like I've learned it and I always get it right. Let's be clear we're always important to operate as a leader, trying to do all the things at work that you need to do early in your career and trying to make home. Just as important, if not more, because you're prioritizing what matters most. And that was a real struggle. I think a lot of people listening to what you just shared, a lot of people listening, are going to be like all right, you're reading my mail a little bit here. This has been a massive struggle for me and I don't know what to do.

Dr. William Attaway: 18:49

And that's the book. I mean, the book is a parable. The first part of it it's a parable. It's a story of this guy named John Williams who is in that situation and does not know what to do, and he meets a guy named Willie who is a sage of sorts yeah Right and he begins to offer wisdom and advice. He can see from the outside what John can't see from the inside.

Randy Gravitt: 19:15

Yeah.

Dr. William Attaway: 19:15

Because it's really difficult to see the whole picture when you're in the frame.

Intro / Outro: 19:19

Yeah.

Dr. William Attaway: 19:20

How important do you think finding somebody like that is if you really want to prioritize winning at home?

Randy Gravitt: 19:28

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's. That's a great question. I think it's really important. I know you do a lot of coaching and stuff.

Randy Gravitt: 19:34

I love the idea of having an outside set of eyes who can, can help with perspective. I mean you, you you end up like, if you're not careful, you could feel like this is just there's despair, and am I the only one? And I think that outside perspective sometimes can help us say, hey, this is not as bad as you think, or you could try this. Or here's an example of something that worked for me and I go back to you know once you shared there about yourself way back, I'm a girl dad as well. We've got four daughters and ours are grown now and and and gone actually off the payroll. Thankfully, we've got, we've got eight little grandkids now and I think we're spending more on baby clothes now than we ever have. I don't know my wife we cut her off on the budget but but yeah, they're, they're a lot of fun.

Randy Gravitt: 20:25

But but I remember those days and you probably do too where you're back in the day and and I think it's even harder today but back in the day you'd be home and you're reading bedtime stories. Let's say to these little girls and and you're there and you're not really there, I mean, if you're not careful, you, you can be there, but your, your, your mind is still at the office, or or nowadays it's, it's like your, your phone is just on the bed stand, or or maybe maybe you're at then, maybe they're older, you're not reading to them at. You know, whatever age you got, you got a son who's 12 or 14, and and you see, you see it, I mean you see this all the time you'll see a couple with a couple of kids at a restaurant, and every restaurant I go in, it's almost all four of them will be sitting around a table and they're tethered to those phones and unless they're texting each other across the table, they're together. But they're really not together, they're not inacted. And I don't think proximity equals intimacy. And when I say intimacy, I'm not talking sexual intimacy here, I'm talking connection. I think we can ride in the same car every day, take our kid to soccer practice and never really talk to them, never really listen to them. We're trying to point something out or we have an expectation that's lofty, and yet we're not really connecting with their heart and listening to them and then you know we're wondering why they don't. They don't want to be close to us. I think there's things that we can do here to to have those kinds of conversations. But if we're not following those boundaries and leaving work at work and home at home and again I think it is harder today than it's ever been Most of us I say most of us, a lot of us work from home.

Randy Gravitt: 22:02

I mean, there are people who work in their own home. Now, it's not like you go to the back. The reason I said nine to five was probably cliche. Those days are over. Most people don't punch some clock. You know some people do, but it's you know. You work in your basement or you're in the upstairs attic or you're down the hallway and can you separate? You know, when you walk out that doorway, can that become the trigger point?

Randy Gravitt: 22:27

I'm going to actually move now back home, so to speak, and I just want to remind people that you get to choose how you use your time. We can't give you more time, there's no more time. But if you're not careful, work will take most of your time, and I'm not saying that there is a such. People ask me all the time. You know now, especially now that I've written a book, everybody's like you're the expert on this. I'm like no, I'm not, I'm just trying to help this conversation along, but people want to know about work-life balance.

Randy Gravitt: 22:56

I think that's a myth. I don't. I don't think there, at work probably I mean, depending on you, know the person but you're gonna spend more time probably at work than you are at home. It minus you're waking out or you're you're sleeping hours. You'll be at home, your nose probably.

Randy Gravitt: 23:11

But but I think the key is, when you're home, to be home and and you know, don't don't work all the time and then go home, and when it's time to be home, you're still working. I mean that to me makes it really hard for us to have the family that we want to have, and so we're just trying to remind people that you get to decide what you do with your time and I think, when you're at work, be at work, do great work. I love that. But we're trying to help people chase high performance, right, but when you're home, let's go home and let's build a great family too, and I think you can have both. I mean, I don't, I don't think it's one or the other. A lot of people think, well, you can't have a great home life if you're going to have a great career. And I disagree.

Dr. William Attaway: 23:50

So you know that's something I often get pushed back on when I talk about this topic. You know that, that that you can be successful in both arenas, you know, and focusing on your family is family is something you need to do more of it. And people push back on this. Do you see this? They push back. They're like, oh, if I do that, I'll be living out of my car in no time. I focus on my family. Yeah, it's like they think it's an either or instead of a both, and do you see that?

Randy Gravitt: 24:19

I do and I had a conversation an interesting conversation with a. We've done some work with some professional sports teams and I'm having a conversation with an NFL assistant coach and he had two little girls as well and he asked me a question one day. He had actually played for another organization and won a Super Bowl and he said when he won that Super Bowl, the day that happened the confetti's falling in the stadium and it's a lot of joy there and a lot of fun. They've been chasing this Lombardi trophy and and they, they've won the thing and he said it's just great. But he said truthfully, on TV it looks like the whole place is going nuts. He said there was really a stage kind of the. You know it's not as glamorous as it looks on TV. There's a lot of work that's gone into this and it's the ultimate. I mean, if you're an NFL player, I can only imagine winning the Super Bowl would be great. But he said I'm looking around at our coaches and he said I'm noticing a lot of them. They don't have family there with them and they're because they've lost their family in pursuit of their work. He said we've got players and I know what's going on with some of them Things are not great at home and a lot of them are going through divorce. It's just a lot of hard when I'm looking around at the people there that we've done this with.

Randy Gravitt: 25:37

He said and these are my brothers, but at the same time now, as a dad of two little girls, he asked me the question. He said is it really possible to win a Super Bowl and win at home? Win with his wife and these two kids, because I don't want to miss out either. And so here's what I told him. I said I'm not sure it's possible to win both. I think it is. I really do believe it is. I think you can win in both places. But here's what I would say If it's not possible to win a Super Bowl and to keep your family intact and thriving, actually why do you want to win a Super Bowl? And he looked at me like he's like I don't want that without this.

Randy Gravitt: 26:22

And so I think, at that point, when you start identifying what really is success and I don't want anybody living out of their car, that's not what I'm saying, but I think if you go to your workplace, a lot of you who are listening are owners of your companies. You get to decide what kind of culture you want to create, and I believe the cultures that have the value of the person outside of work as a priority. Again, it may not be even family. All kinds of families look all kinds of ways these days. I'm not saying that you have single people on your team or you've got people that are single parents. I mean, you've got different situations all over the place. But I think when you begin to value people and add value to your employees rather than just extract value, those are the leaders I would want to work for and I think that actually does make for a better employee when they know that that conversation is going to be had.

Randy Gravitt: 27:12

I actually just spoke at an event this morning for a company here and this is kind of an ongoing thing. I've done a few of these events here and this lady who typically is the host, energizes the crowd and all that kind of stuff. She wasn't here this morning, somebody else was doing it and I'm like where is she? And the leader, my host, the leader who basically hired me she said her godson is graduating tonight in North Carolina and I told her you got to go be with. I mean, he's only going to graduate one time. Right, you do that and somebody else can cover your work here.

Randy Gravitt: 27:48

And that's the mindset I have I believe most of us when we think forward to that legacy kind of moment at 80 or even think six months ahead, it doesn't matter. I mean, when you begin to extrapolate it out, there's probably somebody else who can do your job at work. I'm not sure anybody else I know for that coach. Nobody else can be the dad to those two little girls or the husband to that wife, and we don't do that at the expense of living or chasing that Super Bowl trophy. I mean, I get that, that's what you're doing, that's the job. But again, if you win that and you lose this, I think you still lose. And that's most people I've talked to. They're like you're dead on man. Regret is going to lie if I don't do what only I can do. So I hope that's helpful, but that's the way I think about it.

Dr. William Attaway: 28:40

That's so good, randy. I know there are people listening who are struggling right now. They're struggling with this idea. They're struggling with the reality of what their life is today and they wonder have I screwed up for too long? Is it too late? Is there any hope? And they're overwhelmed with regret. They're overwhelmed with the pain of failure so far. What advice would you give somebody who's struggling in that situation?

Randy Gravitt: 29:15

Well, to hear you ask that question, it does immediately make my heart hurt, you know, with empathy for somebody who's going through that. And empathy is when we understand what somebody's going through and we share in that. And so I'm just from. I mean, I don't know your listeners, but I do know a bunch of people who are struggling and I think we all can relate to times when we, it does feel, maybe even hopeless, is going oh my gosh, I've done things I shouldn't do or I haven't done things that I should do, and there's regret. All you know, we all know that we have these places.

Randy Gravitt: 29:50

What I would say to that person is I believe it's never too late to start and I love the fact that we get a new day every day. It's like we get some do-overs. Now we can't undo what we've done. I mean I get that. I mean there are places where we have regret. There also are places where we've done things and we go. I want to learn from that. I mean I'd rather learn from your mistakes, william, than my own, but so you can learn from other people as well. But I think when we go through something and it's hard and it's not good, learn from that. But I think if you have the right heart and you go back and you say I want to try to get this right and I know there are all kinds of circumstances, but I've literally seen people who were their marriage had broken up and they actually ended up back together. That's not always going to happen, but I think if you've got a 12-year-old or a 14-year-old and things are not good today, that doesn't mean they can't be good tomorrow, and so I would just encourage that person to start where you are. You don't have to stay where you are, but you do have to start there. So start where you are. It's the old plant a tree 50 years ago. That's the best thing. I mean, yeah, but if you didn't plant one today, I mean I think there's a reason. That's cliche. I mean it's really true Do what you can with what you have.

Randy Gravitt: 31:15

And I think if our hearts are right in that way and we move forward that way, you know there's one of the cool things is a lot of people have have grace and forgiveness and I mean I mean, depending on the, the issues that led to the regret there's, there's all kind of stuff there that can happen, but I think it. Typically that starts with me I've got to be at the right place for me and if I can do that, then I can. I can probably improve, or the relationships around me can most likely improve. If I just start with dealing with my own stuff and then going, I'm not going to use I mean, let's think about it. Am I going to use that as an excuse forever? It's not. No, I want to make a change if I can, and I can, I mean truthfully we really, we really are in charge of a lot more than we think.

Randy Gravitt: 32:03

Henry Cloud you've probably heard of Henry. He's an author and Henry one of the one of his lines I love he says you are ridiculously in charge, and I love that. We have agency, we have the ability to make choices and you know, there is a, there is a fresh do over, which is which is cool.

Dr. William Attaway: 32:21

One of the things that came through as I was reading this book was what feels like your commitment to never stop learning. It feels like that's on every other page.

Dr. William Attaway: 32:31

Never stop growing, never stop learning. Yeah, that just seems to be part of who you are in so much of what you say, as you speak, as you write. Can I ask you, how do you stay on top of your game, how do you level up in your own life with the new skills that your team is going to need you to have a year from now, three years from now, five years from now?

Randy Gravitt: 32:55

Yeah, I think this is to me, this is the deal. I mean that that that really is the deal. That question is how do we get better individually? How do we keep growing? How do we keep improving?

Randy Gravitt: 33:07

And I'm not, you know, I'm probably not a learner by I've chosen to be a learner. I'd say it that way. I'm not. You know, my parents went to school. I probably could have been a better student. I wouldn't say I'm not a learner. I'd say I probably wasn't a student by nature.

Randy Gravitt: 33:26

But I just have always believed that if I'm going to help people and that's really what we've done, and when you think about leader development, that's not at the end of the day, that's what you're trying to do is help them be their best. And I don't. I don't think you can take people to a place that you haven't been, and I don't think I can ask a client or a person, challenge them to grow, if I'm not growing. And I don't want to. I want, I want to, I want to get better because I'm. You know, when I look myself in the mirror, I know I'm. I have I made progress, certainly, but, man, I've got so far to go and so much to learn, and I keep trying to learn every day, and I think that is the key. It's learning every day. And for the person who's listening I would say you know, is there a way to to make a shift there, if you need to and probably we all will relate to what I'm about to tell you I think about it this way we live in a world of so much noise.

Randy Gravitt: 34:21

Now there's there's noise on your schedule, William, whether you put it there or not, it just it just keeps coming. I mean there's, there's literally. I mean just think email. How much noise comes from email? And so it's good. But sometimes it's like how did I get on this list? And then there's there's media noise and social media noise and there's podcast noise. I mean we're making it, you're making where, like there's just plenty of noise out there. A lot of it again is good, but but if I'm not careful, my my plate will just be full of, or my schedule will be full of these capacity squeezers. And I think the learning part you asked the practice side of it I think quiet doesn't make it onto your schedule unless you schedule it, and so the learning comes informally when I'm in an airport or I'm on an airplane reading a book or whatever Some of that happens on the fly.

Randy Gravitt: 35:20

But I think there needs to be time set aside where I'm saying I want to do what I can to try to win the first hour of the day. What am I going to learn during this hour? What do I need to do to make sure that I'm thinking correctly? Today my heart's right. Maybe I need to walk. I got a buddy. He walks around his neighborhood. It's 20 minutes. He said he does it every morning and he thinks about all the things he's grateful for. Well, this is a really grateful guy, but he's put himself in an environment where he's practicing gratitude.

Randy Gravitt: 35:48

I'm not going to tell somebody what they need to do during the first hour, just decide. But if I just wake up, check my phone, roll into my day, I'm late next thing. You know I'm having a hard time keeping that noise off my schedule. I even have noise in my own head. It's just on and on and on, never ending. But if I will intentionally I can use your word if I will intentionally put quiet, put a place to learn, identify a gap I have.

Randy Gravitt: 36:12

Maybe I'm trying to be better at communicating or better I'm releasing a book today. I'm trying to be a better writer. I've got a book. Right now I'm reading on how do I get better as a writer, cause I'm thinking I'll probably write something else at some point. This won't be my, you know, it's not my first book and hopefully be my last, but, but I'm. But I'm constantly trying to identify these areas where I want to get better.

Randy Gravitt: 36:31

And then the other thing that's kind of a little side road here is I love having other people around me who are, who are learners as well. If you're not a learner, you're a listener and you're not a learner, chances are you've got people around you who aren't learners either and you might want to surround yourself with some people who who are, you know, maybe even a little bit ahead of you. I can't tell you how much I've been blessed by the people who are a little ahead of me. I've learned from them, I've watched them. You know it's amazing. When you start paying attention to people who are growing, it just kind of, you know, rubs off a little bit and the same habits that help them probably will help you. So that first hour of the day thing is a place. I would just encourage people to start.

Dr. William Attaway: 37:14

Just brilliant. You know you mentioned that you are intentionally choosing to learn, and I think that's something anybody can do, anybody listening, whether they think well, I don't like it. You can choose, you make a decision. You have agency, like you said earlier, is there a book that you would recommend that has made a big difference in your journey? If a listener has not read this book, this is one that could really make a difference.

Randy Gravitt: 37:43

Yeah, that's a great question. I mean I read so many books, there's great stuff there. When I start I would say there's a few, I mean I've got a blip there. But I would start, I'd say if a person's going to start and they're going to say I'm just going to take a step here, I'm going to give them a little content suggestion.

Randy Gravitt: 38:06

So, mark Miller, my friend Mark, has written a book called the Heart of Leadership and Mark is a learner as well. Mark's 64 or 65. He'll be 65 this year, I think 64 or 65. I think he's got a birthday coming up, so I need to probably remember that. But he wrote a book years ago called the Heart of Leadership, and this book is a book. We use an iceberg as our picture of leadership and there's two sides to an iceberg. I think it's about 10% only. That's above the waterline, that's the skill side, and then there's an underneath side that really that's the character of a leader. And so he wrote this little parable years ago called the Heart of Leadership and it introduces these five heart habits that are really these are the things that make you a leader that others want to follow. He talks about them also in his new book Uncommon Greatness. I think he talked about Uncommon Greatness on your show those two books, but the heart of leadership is just the first little. If you want to put your toe in the water, if you really want to get serious about it, read Uncommon Greatness and it'll walk you through the fundamentals of leadership and that growth mindset.

Randy Gravitt: 39:19

But I just love this heart of leadership because it focuses on the character of a leader and most of us have never been taught that. We know it's important but we think about vision and building teams and leading meetings and all those skill side. But who's talking about being teachable and helping others win and having a positive attitude and some of those kinds of things? So I think that's a really little lay. I was probably not a three-pointer book, that's just a layup book, it's pretty simple. But that book is so good to help you work on your heart and we believe that if your heart's not right, nobody cares about your skills, and so I think that's a really good place for a leader to start. I mean, I got hundreds of books that I could recommend, that you know.

Randy Gravitt: 40:03

But I just think just starting somewhere, and you know, you know, just just read one book. I mean just read one page, read and think about what you read and make one change every day, and I think if you do that, you'll just keep leveling up, and you know you'll just keep leveling up and you know you'll I mean you'll, you'll be like me. So I'm going to be older and you'll go. I'm not where I was. I've made a lot of progress here, but it just this happened one day, one page, one conversation, one action item at a time, and then you'll also realize, man, I'm not. I mean, the longer I go and the more I grow, the more I realize I'm not where I want to be. And so I'm trying to learn every day, just like everybody else. So it's fun.

Dr. William Attaway: 40:41

You know, what you do every day matters so much more than what you do every once in a while, and I felt that, as I was reading the book, I've heard that in our conversation today, randy, this has been so helpful for me and, I know, for so many of our listeners. People will often walk away from a conversation like this with one big idea, one big takeaway. If you could define what you want their takeaway to be, what would you want that one big idea to be?

Randy Gravitt: 41:08

Yeah, I think it'd be what we talked about earlier. I think I want you to win at work, but I think if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose. I want leaders to remember that when you're 80 and you're at that birthday party, what's going to matter most is not that you provided for everybody All this. I mean like, if they're not there at that moment, I don't care how much you pile up, I think it's not going to matter as much. I mean, it'd be great to have a bunch of money. We're all you, you know that's fine.

Randy Gravitt: 41:39

But but at the end of the day, if you don't have the people around you to enjoy the fruits of your labor with and I'm not sure that's that's what that's not what I want, and so everybody gets to decide what they're going after uh, I think you can have both. I really do. But I don't think you'll have both unless you have an intentional heart, really focus on this idea of I'm going to live in such a way that the people who know me the best really do love me the most, and maybe they even like me at that point. I mean, how cool would that be if the people around you like this is a fun family to be a part of. Perfect? No, there are no perfect families. Is he a mess? Yes, everybody's a mess, but at the end of the day, this is a cool, safe place that we grew up and we're a part of, and now you know they'll have their own families at that point as well. So, yeah, let's win where it matters most.

Dr. William Attaway: 42:33

Randy, thank you for your generosity today in this conversation and sharing so freely and so openly about what you've learned so far in your journey, and thank you for writing this book. I want to encourage every one of our listeners to check this out. You can get it wherever books are sold. Starting today, this is one that's going to resonate deeply. This is one you want to get. Check it out.

Randy Gravitt: 42:57

Yeah, that's good. And if they do get it, William, let me say they can go to. Our team has put a what we filmed, the course to help them activate it. I didn't even say this, but the book is a parable. I mean it's a. It's 120 or so pages but there's a 70 page, basically blueprint in the back to help you activate what we've talked about. And I did a course as well.

Randy Gravitt: 43:18

So if they do buy the book and get it today, it's in the wild today. We're excited about it, it's fun. But if they get that book and get it at Barnes Nobles, Amazon, wherever you get books, but you go to winningbeginsathome. com, you can put your order number or whatever and we'll give you that course for free. So it's plus access to our leadership academy stuff. So we're giving a lot of stuff away for anybody that's finding a book. And then one shameless plug here If you know a dad or somebody that you care about, a man, Father's Day coming up, this will make a great gift If you want to give them to your organization. We've got bulk stuff at winningbeginsathome. com. So yeah, let's make the world better at work. That's great, but let's make sure that we don't forget that there's another side to the thing, we can help encourage people as well.

Dr. William Attaway: 44:05

Randy, thank you. Thank you for being here, thank you for all that you're doing and the impact that you're making on so many of us, including me.

Randy Gravitt: 44:13

Thank you, William. I appreciate all you do and I'm honored to have been on your show.

Dr. William Attaway: 44:20

Thanks for joining me for this episode today. As we wrap up, I'd love for you to do two things. First, subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode, and if you find value here, I'd love it if you would rate it and review it. That really does make a difference in helping other people to discover this podcast. Second, if you don't have a copy of my newest book, catalytic Leadership, I'd love to put a copy in your hands. If you go to catalyticleadershipbookcom, you can get a copy for free. Just pay the shipping so I can get it to you and we'll get one right out.

Dr. William Attaway: 44:56

My goal is to put this into the hands of as many leaders as possible. This book captures principles that I've learned in 20 plus years of coaching leaders in the entrepreneurial space, in business, government, nonprofits, education and the local church. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn to keep up with what I'm currently learning and thinking about. And if you're ready to take a next step with a coach to help you intentionally grow and thrive as a leader, I'd be honored to help you. Just go to catalyticleadershipnet to book a call with me. Stay tuned for our next episode next week. Until then, as always, leaders choose to be catalytic.

Intro / Outro: 45:40

Thanks for listening to Catalytic Leadership with Dr William Attaway. Be sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss the next episode. Want more? Go to catalyticleadershipnet.