The meaning of strength

What is real strength? Is it just about toughening up as we were told when we were kids, suppressing our feelings and our emotions? Or it's about using our feelings to create a deeper, more balanced, more meaningful level of strength that can lead us to a fulfilling life?

In this episode we explore what it takes to reach real strength.

Transcript

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Episode 8 – The meaning of strength

Welcome to the Mindy Movement, the thought-provoking podcast by Soulful Soundwaves. Conversations inspired by real life events, lessons and learnings, gifted to us while traveling across Australia in a tiny home on wheels. Welcome aboard.

We would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners, custodians and ancestors of the land and country we walk on, and their connection to the land, waters and community. We pay our deepest respect to the elders, past, present and emerging, and extend that respect to all Indigenous people across the world.

Maeve:

Hello hello everyone! 

Lorenzo:

Welcome everybody! 

Maeve:

Welcome back onto the sofa with Maeve and Lorenzo.

Lorenzo:

…love the sofa. 

Maeve:

So today we're going to talk about a topic that has bubbled up for many years now. We were traveling in western New South Wales reading what has become one of our favorite books. 

Lorenzo:

And then he came up again in Queensland. 

Maeve:

Yeah, it just keeps on bubbling up and it's coming up again recently. So the book that brought this to life in the reflection was “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. 

Lorenzo:

Great book, very easy to read. 

Maeve:

And the topic we're going to discuss today is the real meaning of strength and softness.

Lorenzo:

Very good. 

Maeve:

So let's start with strength.

Lorenzo:

Strength is a word that has two meanings. One is the cultural meaning that is basically the meaning that we've been taught, that society implies. And the other one is the essential meaning, which means that it’s the meaning that is strictly related to the word, the essence of the word. 

Maeve:

Yeah, I see. So how does society depict strength? 

Lorenzo:

Society depicts strength as “tough”. Like someone who is strong is someone who is supposed to be tough, is supposed to be big, is supposed to be… 

Maeve:

Got it all together. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah, got it all sorted out. And to be stiff. 

Maeve:

Maybe a bit rigid. Yeah. 

Lorenzo:

Which is a paradox because the true meaning goes absolutely the opposite way. 

Maeve:

What's the true meaning of strength? 

Lorenzo:

I think it has to do with with the natural meaning of strength, which is, if we look at nature, something that is really strong is something that has to be able to bend.

Maeve:

Yeah. 

Lorenzo:

It has to be able to be flexible in order to withstand the storm. 

Maeve:

Yeah, for sure. And actually, you know, looking at the definition that we have in the dictionary of strength also aligns to how society has molded what strength looks like, because it is “the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.” 

Lorenzo:

Which is, by the way, it's correct. 

Maeve:

Yeah. 

Lorenzo:

It's not about being stiff in order to withstand the cataclysm. It's about everything has different ways to adapt. The cultural meaning implies that we have not to be led by our emotions. Right? “Men up, Don't cry. Don't show your tears, don't show your emotions.”

Maeve:

And be consistent within that. 

Lorenzo:

“Sort it out.” 

Maeve:

Yeah, yeah. Which I think we've probably all… 

Lorenzo:

“Grow a pair.”

Maeve:

Yep. I think we've all been at the end of some kind of comment like that, growing up or in society, or… Maybe it's from parents, maybe it's from wider field but, you know, “come on, man up, strengthen up…”   

Lorenzo:

Everybody came across this thing growing up. 

Maeve:

Or the derogatory sense of it, “Stop being so soft.” 

Lorenzo:

Exactly. Because, culturally speaking, the word soft is used in a negative way. 

Maeve:

Yes, to describe a weakness.

Lorenzo:

To describe a weakness so it's like “You're soft in the head. You are a softy. “

Maeve:

Yeah, yeah. Let's go into what softness mean. So the definition is “The quality of being easy to mold, cut, compress or fold.” 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. Being soft means being adaptable, being fluid, being, you know, able to withstand the elements. And therefore, if we apply these to our brain, it means that we are able to cope with our feelings and what our feelings are actually giving birth to. 

Maeve:

Yeah, for sure. I think in order to find real strength we need to be okay in our softness. And even to adapt to change. If we are rigid, so say for example, we are embodying the society's view of strength. And we're rigid. We're controlling in that strength, as in not allowing ourselves to show our vulnerability or show our softness. If we're rigid, change is excruciating. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah. And more often than not change is going to break us. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Like in nature. As you mentioned the storm, a big storm comes through. And if we're rigid with the forces of life, we're going to get knocked down. We're going to tumble and fall. 

Lorenzo:

Every single time. 

Maeve:

Yeah. Whereas if we allow ourselves to embrace our softer side, that doesn't mean a weakness. 

Lorenzo:

No. 

Maeve:

That means we're actually embodying fluidity. And becoming supple so we can actually adapt and move aside and grow as each day is different. 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. There's a metaphor of a body of water. And when you throw a stone into the body of water, the first thing that you see is the ripple effect. Yeah. But as the stone gets into the water, the water opens up, closes on top of the stone, and after a while, after a minute, the surface is still again, 

Maeve:

Goes back to its calm. 

Lorenzo:

So the stone represent the emotion. And we are the water. So if we, culturally speaking, feel like we need to be a block of ice in order to deal with emotions…what happens when a rock goes onto ice? 

Maeve:

It bounces, or cracks it. 

Lorenzo:

It cracks it, right? So every time that an emotion comes to us, and we try to react making a wall, it’s going to create a crack in us. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. A bruise. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah. And not only that is going to affect us in terms of our mental health, but also is going to create a situation where every bruise is going to top up all the others. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. 

Lorenzo:

And at a certain point, we're going to be like a boiling pot. We are going to have to explode. 

Maeve:

Yeah. And what we see in society is when we have lived many years trying to suppress our emotions to become strong in the eyes of society. Not strong in ourselves, but being seen as strong from others. 

Lorenzo:

Being referred as strong. 

Maeve:

Yeah, we actually have suppressed all that feeling that we've had over many years, many, many years. And the longer we suppress it, the harder it becomes. Those bruises, as you mentioned, become sorer actually, we numb ourselves in some ways. We're holding on to those rocks and those burdens for so long that we've actually lost the feeling. We've forgotten how to engage emotion. And that isn't true strength. True strength, what we're trying to explain here today is actually when we're okay with being strong in our softness, when we can clearly articulate how we feel why we feel it and allow it to pass through. Because emotion, each and every one of us feels every single day, emotion is simply energy in motion. If we stop that flow, it doesn't mean it's not there. It's just stuck. 

Lorenzo:

One of the quotes that are more popular about Bruce Lee is “Be like water.” And his mastery comes from the fact that he doesn't try to oppose the force coming to him. He's basically opening up and letting that force go through and adapt and regroup.  You know? Which is exactly what water does. 

Maeve:

Yeah, and we are 70% water. We need to be more fluid and adapting. Everything needs to flow. Everything needs to move. Nothing needs to be stagnant or stationary, because nothing is stationary. 

Lorenzo:

Nothing. 

Maeve:

And I think if you start to think of yourself as being more a moving object, we're different to what we were yesterday, and we're also different to what we're going to be tomorrow. 

Lorenzo:

We are never going to be a concrete block. We are never going to be more like a leaf in the wind. And so, as far as we can see, the only way to withstand the wind is to bend and keep moving. 

Maeve:

Yeah, keep dancing. 

Lorenzo:

And keep growing. Yeah. Growing not just physically growing emotionally also, it means that we are going to reach a higher point of strength into ourselves. We're going to start sitting in our power. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. As you touched on something really important, I think. Which is when we talk about strength, you say not just growing physically. When we think about becoming strong, sometimes we think going to the gym and making our muscles bigger. That's, of course I suppose, growing in a physical form, making our body structure stronger. However, we're not taught how to be emotionally strong. 

Lorenzo:

It's because it's more difficult. It's because we can't see that. We can see a muscle grow, but we can't see our inner strength grow. Not with our own eyes. We can feel it, but if you're not used to that kind of feeling we cannot witness it. So we need to be able to feel things in order to assess how much we are growing inside. 

Maeve:

Yeah, and the only way to get to your inner strength is through that soft, supple feeling. With emotions, with mental health, with wellness of an energetic side, even your spiritual wellness. It doesn't come from force. Quite the opposite. It's one of patience. It's one of expansion and openness and often comes with silence and contemplation, or having the space to allow whatever it is to be felt and processed. 

Lorenzo:

I absolutely agree. Having said that, though, it doesn't mean that we have to become a Buddhist monk in order to understand what our inner strength is. I think it has more…you said it before. He has more to do with recognizing our emotions, being aware of the fact that we are just about to get hit by these emotions and let them through. What does he mean when you say “let them through?” It means that even without dwelling in emotions, but we have to be present in ourselves when we feel these things. 

Maeve:

And be mature enough to be able to flag them. Especially in relationships. If someone has said something to you, that you can recognize is starting to bubble up emotion within you, for whatever reason, we have to be mature enough to go “So I'm just going to stop you there. I've just recognized what you've said has hurt me. it's not what you've said. Maybe it's reminded me of something…”

Lorenzo:

“Maybe it’s the way you have said it.” 

Maeve:

But it's not really the person who said it. It's the emotion within me, for example, but being mature enough to be able to flag it and go “Sorry”, or even if you've said something emotional in response to someone and go “You know what, I'm sorry, that was a trigger for me. You've pressed an old bruise on my inner psyche. I apologize for the emotional outburst. But I hope you can recognize I'm coming to you to say… ” because this is where we mend relationships. When we can bridge it with communication rather than emotional outbursts. 

Lorenzo:

I think this is very true. However these represent the second step, because if we cannot do this kind of thing firstly with ourselves, we're not going to be able to do it in a relationship. It's easier to deal only with ourselves, in terms of discovery. And then to bring it out to the external world. 

Maeve:

For sure. Well, once you've become aware of those emotions, you're already on the path to your own strength. Just reflecting back on personal journey, I felt very vulnerable when I wasn't in tune with my emotions, because I never really knew what was going to happen or what I'd be faced with. And because I was trying to hold it together so strongly, but ultimately, I wasn't. I was controlling. I was controlling myself so rigidly that I could have broken at any time. And unfortunately, it did have to come to a break for me to realize what's going on. What am I trying to hold together here? And why don't I just let it out? 

Lorenzo:

I think facing this kind of hardship it's more or less like facing a journey without a compass. You don't have any point of reference. You know what to do with this force. Right? It comes at you and you don't know how to react. You know what people told you to do, which is not the right thing. And so the more you do that, the more you become uncomfortable in a situation that you don't know how to deal with. So it's difficult. It's difficult to deal with what people are actually telling you to do, which is the wrong thing to do. To man up. Not knowing how to really deal with emotions yourself. That's why I'm saying that it's like a journey without a compass in unchartered waters. So when an emotion is coming at you, it doesn't matter what kind of emotion. It could be sadness, it could be anger, it could be frustration, it could be anxiety, it could be any kind of emotion. The most important thing is for us to recognize this emotion. To name it. This is anger. I'm feeling like this. This is anger. And then close yourself into a wardrobe and let it out. Let it out, because you have to feel it fully. If it's a cry that you need, just cry your eyes off. But you need to be able to feel fully that emotion in order for that emotion to pass through you for you to let it go. 

Maeve:

Yeah, the wave is important. When it comes up, we often just close it out. When we start to feel it “Oh, it's not appropriate to do that now.” Maybe it might not be. But we need to make sure at some point in that given day that there is the opportunity for that wave to pass through us. Because, exactly, just as you said, the quicker we address it, we say “Yep, you're there. I'm not pushing you aside because you are coming out for a reason. I'm going to sit here with you. I'm going to befriend you.” It's not ideal, often, but the reality is it's there and it needs to be heard and felt. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah, and the more we do this, the more we are going to grow. Let's remember one thing, every growth comes with a bit of suffering. So while we are into this process, we have to think that is supposed to be this way. It's for our own good. 

Maeve:

Yeah. And ultimately walking into your softness brings your true strength. True, true strength, deep in you, deep in us. And that's what we're all about. When we can depend on ourselves, to be strong, to be adaptable with change, because change is inevitable, and to be able to gracefully dance as things come our way but remain strong, is where we all aspire to be. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah. As a branch in the wind. 

Maeve:

Exactly. 

Lorenzo:

As a leaf in the wind. 

Maeve:

So let's all embody our softness. It is not a place of weakness. It is a place of growth and a great teacher. 

Lorenzo:

It is a place of grace. 

Maeve:

So let's do it. Let's become soft like big bodies. of water, which is exactly what we are 70%. Flowing. Allow the taps to run. 

Lorenzo:

And with this, guys, I think we're going to have to say goodbye for today. 

Maeve:

We thank you so much for listening to another podcast episode and we cannot wait to do it all again soon. 

Lorenzo:

Thank you so much for listening. 

Maeve:

Thank you. 

Lorenzo:

Namaste.

Maeve:

Namaste.

Thanks for listening to the Mindy Movement Podcast. You can find more content, free meditations, brain entraining music and much much more over on our website, at www.soulfulsoundwaves.com. 

You can also be a part of our journey on Instagram and Facebook, and we look forward to our next time together. Thank you for flying Soulful Soundwaves.