The gift of change

Is "normality" just a perception of reality? Why do we consciously and unconsciously  resist everything that modifies our "regular" life? Is the concept of change good or bad for us? And how do we perceive it? 

In today's episode we explore these question and shed a light on how these concepts affected us during the recent pandemic.

Transcript

Episode 9 – The gift of change

Welcome to the Mindy Movement, the thought-provoking podcast by Soulful Soundwaves. Conversations inspired by real life events, lessons and learnings, gifted to us while traveling across Australia in a tiny home on wheels. Welcome aboard.

We would like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners, custodians and ancestors of the land and country we walk on, and their connection to the land, waters and community. We pay our deepest respect to the elders, past, present and emerging, and extend that respect to all Indigenous people across the world.

 Maeve:

Hello hello guys. 

Lorenzo:

Hello! Welcome to the sofa. 

Maeve:

Another episode of the Mindy movement. Welcome aboard. 

Lorenzo:

There is not much movement on the sofa. 

Maeve:

There's movement in conversation and thought provoking conversation at that. So today we talk about change something that can be quite unnerving, yet I think we've got quite good at change over the last couple of years. 

Lorenzo:

Change is always challenging, but it's also a very good thing to have because change is fundamental for growth. 

Maeve:

Yeah, this conversation that we're about to have actually came out of the pandemic. It was the use of the term “We can't wait for things to go back to normal”. And it got us reflecting and thinking about that very sentence, that very phrase that was used quite a lot and whatever means, press, conversations… 

Lorenzo:

 “Our new normal” 

Maeve:

“Our new normal”, or the “post COVID normality”, and you go “But what is normal?” So this is today's podcast episode, 

Lorenzo:

Exactly. What is normal? Or what do we consider as normal? 

Maeve:

Normal, I would say is something that we are familiar with, that we know well enough because we've done it many times, so we're familiar with it. 

Lorenzo:

So basically the whole concept of normal is about repetition. It is about routine. 

Maeve:

Yeah. 

Lorenzo:

When we are confident and comfortable enough to know that that something doesn't have secret for us. 

Maeve:

Yeah, we know all the parameters of it. We know the edges of it. We know the shapes of it. We know when we need to do things what comes back from what we need to do… 

Lorenzo:

Then it becomes normal. 

Maeve:

Yeah. 

Lorenzo:

So nothing is really normal. It's our perspective that makes it normal. 

Maeve:

Of course, our experience, and our being comfortable. When we do something once it's always unnerving. When we do it a second time. It's less unnerving. Third time it's more comfortable. Fourth time, fifth time into the 55th time. We've got it. We're very comfortable. So I think there's comfort that comes with normality. 

Lorenzo:

There is. And also repetition, routine, is very very useful when we are learning something. So it allows us to get more and more proficient in what we are doing. But when we learn all the tricks and traps of that particular thing, it just stays as a routine. It doesn't add anything to our personal growth. 

Maeve:

No. Well, we've become so comfortable in it that we just stay in that cycle. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah. So at this point is where change brings growth. Cyclically, we have to change things in order to allow growth to come in. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. And also fulfillment is tied to change as well. Because if you find yourself in a routine that has been come so comfortable, it's nearly boring our fulfillment in that cycle diminishes radically, 

Lorenzo:

Exponentially. 

Maeve:

Exactly. We don't feel fulfilled because we're not learning anything new. We're not interacting with anything new. We're not sharing anything new. And our boredom escalates. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah. Change can bring a gift. Because every time there's a change, that is a new challenge to face and new routine to put in place. And therefore we learn something every time not just about our routine, but about ourselves as well, right? So in order to understand and to appreciate the gift, the change brings, we have to be brave enough to embrace that challenge. They change. The problem is that culturally, we are brought to think that change brings loss, because…and here I'm going to hold you on the tip of your toes for a second because there is an Italian way of saying that says exactly this: “Chi lascia la via vecchia per la nuova sa quel che lascia ma non sa quel che trova”. Which literally means that whoever leaves the old way for the new knows what's left behind, but he doesn't know what he's going to go to. Right? It's true. The old is what we are comfortable with, we know that he's there. When we leave what we know for the unknown that is seen as a loss. So we have to be brave enough - that's why I'm saying “brave” - to take a leap of faith and to go forward towards something that we don't know what it is but surely is going to bring some gifts. 

Maeve:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's so unnerving. When you've been so familiar. And actually, the longer you've been in a routine of familiarity, the harder it is to leave it. Y Because you just don't know what's around the next corner. And I think that's definitely something that came to us all this last two and a half years was the change that we were faced with the pandemic. And even the language we associated with that was all loss. It was all bad. Negative loss, hardship, all the language associated. Definitely not saying it was easy. But when we start to see change in a negative perspective, it starts to push us back into our comfort zone. We start to see it as too hard. But exactly what you've said Lorenzo, the growth is in the unknown. Because we're learning new things. We're learning to navigate a new environment. 

Lorenzo:

And I think another thing that COVID brought us as a gift is that the challenge was great. The challenge was massive. 

Maeve:

It was huge.

Lorenzo:

 And to step up to this challenge what we should have done was to being strong in ourselves, like being unified… 

Maeve:

Collectively. 

Lorenzo:

Collectively, to support each other. And what we saw instead, was that we divided ourselves mainly into factions, and we started pointing fingers at the others, which is not the way you face a challenge successfully. 

Maeve:

But is that because of the fear of the change? 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. 

Maeve:

So the fingers are pointed in either direction because of fear. 

Lorenzo:

Yes. 

Maeve:

So being able to see that yes, we could have definitely helped ourselves navigate a colossal change as what it was in an easier and more supportive way. But the mentality when we get stuck in our comfort zone of either side, one saying, you know, “How dare you? We need to get back to normality.” Normality has already passed us by, we need to become familiar with our new normality. Together.

Lorenzo:

Yeah, but normality anyway, as we established before, is a relative concept. 

Maeve:

Exactly. So when we point the fingers at people, it's purely from a fear based perspective. 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. And every time we do that, we draw a line in the sand. We are on one side, and on the other side, there's someone else. Every time we do that, independently from the topic, we see that time and time again. It could have been Covid, it could have been gay marriage, it could have been… 

Maeve:

Abortion.

Lorenzo:

Race, abortion, the topics are never ending. But every time we face one of these topics, we divide ourselves and we start fighting each other instead of coming together and say, “Look, I understand your position. Or maybe I don't understand your position, but I respect it.” 

Maeve:

Yeah, we're never going to help each other sustainably and long term when we fight each other on opinions. It's never going to get to the end. And it hasn't so far got to the end, we are centuries down the line and we still argue on some of exactly the same topics we've been seeing for many, many years. 

Lorenzo:

We are pushed by the same things and we are fighting on the same dynamics. That is where change is going to come and help us. 

Maeve:

I know, I know. So change is definitely something that no doubt feels uncomfortable. I think every single one of us can resonate with first day in a new job or a new school. Oh, it's so awkward. 

Lorenzo:

Yeah, it is. 

Maeve:

However, the things we learn that day, compared to the last day in our previous role, is huge. We've just helped ourselves take a few steps in growth. And in doing so, at the end of our first or second new day in a new role, we feel really good. We might be exhausted, but you feel good that you're learning something new. 

Lorenzo:

You're learning a lot. You're learning something about your job, or your school and you're meeting new people and you learn something about yourself. You learn something about how to cope with these things 

Maeve:

And how you fit in into that environment. And that's really crucial. And I think as we go through our life  we don't have to change our jobs or our roles every year or what have you, but it is welcoming in change in our day to day life. Recognizing how much a routine we live. Do you walk the same way home? 

Lorenzo:

Small things. 

Maeve:

Do you go out for your walk at the same time? 

Lorenzo:

Do you eat Wetabix all the time? Try cornflakes. 

Maeve:

But just changing, because it does help the brain, the elasticity of the brain. If we keep strengthening the same pattern, the same routine, our brain becomes rigid. We need to ensure that that elasticity within the mind continues because that helps us well into our later years. 

Lorenzo:

Oh yeah, for sure. 

Maeve:

And you can see that in elderly that have embraced change throughout their life. You can see that elasticity. 

Lorenzo:

You can see their eyes are still sparkly as. When we are embracing change, when we are finding the challenge as a way to grow, we are not sitting in pity, asking ourselves “Oh why this is happening to me?” But we are actually telling ourselves like “Bring it on because this is going to take me a step up.”

Maeve:

Yeah, for sure. And meeting change as it comes to us also allows us to ask the question “What's it here to teach me?” 

Lorenzo:

Exactly. “What does this mean?” 

Maeve:

“What does this mean? Why is this coming forward right now?” There's meaning to all of this change, nothing is by chance. 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. 

Maeve:

“Why is it appearing to me right now?” 

Lorenzo:

And that brings another thing. When we are sitting on our negative seat we very much think that things happen by coincidence. When we embrace change we see everything as a potential way to grow, we see also that there's no such a thing as coincidences. Everything has a meaning. 

Maeve:

And it's linked and every time past that change, it's been beautiful. It might have been hard at the first instance to teach ourselves skills to get through that change. But on the other side of that change, we feel better. We feel bigger, we feel stronger. We feel more mature because we've learned something. 

Lorenzo:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Maeve:

And I suppose we can even reflect back on the huge change we've all been through in the last two and a half years. Do you feel like you're changed, changed for the better? Yeah. Were  we in a victim mentality that it was awful? Or did we go “You know what, as this changes, I too will change. I too will mould. I too will become strong. I will learn things that also feel uncomfortable, but on the other side, I feel bigger and better.” 

Lorenzo:

And this doesn't mean that we don't have to grieve or we don't have to be saddened by what happened. But everything has a double value. There is a part of what happened that is very sad, and there is another part of what happened that is a potential stimulus for our personal growth, which we have to consider in the right way. Otherwise we fail to embrace a chance to grow, to become a better person. 

Maeve:

Beautiful. Thank you so much for listening to today's podcast. Embrace the change. Every day is new, we all know that. Some days it is as planned and some days it's not. 

Lorenzo:

Most days is not. 

Maeve:

And that doesn't mean that the days that aren't planned are also not beautiful. They are, it’s just a change of perspective. 

Lorenzo:

Thanks for listening, guys. 

Maeve:

Thank you and we look forward to… 

Lorenzo:

…the next one. 

Maeve:

Namaste. 

Lorenzo:

Namaste.

Thanks for listening to the Mindy Movement Podcast. You can find more content, free meditations, brain entraining music and much much more over on our website, at www.soulfulsoundwaves.com. 

You can also be a part of our journey on Instagram and Facebook, and we look forward to our next time together. Thank you for flying Soulful Soundwaves.