What Envy and Jealousy is Trying to Tell You

You know that gross feeling of ENVY and JEALOUSY???

Whenever I would feel them - I would get so frustrated!   First of all, I don't like that feeling - but second of all, it brings shame.

But here is the real deal - Jealousy and Envy are emotions that are just trying to TELL You something.

Use these signals as rocket fuel to uncover your next big success! 

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Transcript

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Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt that that pain of envy, when you see someone else doing something just amazing and you wish it could be, you. You know, like you see your friend from high school or college posting pictures of her and her husband at some magnificent resort in the Maldives with an over-water bungalow. She's looking all cute. She's got the outfit. She's got the. You know, the fruity beverage in her and she looks relaxed and she's got just flawless skin. And you're just like, Ugh. Or maybe you've experienced jealousy when appear, gets that promotion that you were hoping for. But what if I told you that these emotions you are experiencing these, these paintings of envy and jealousy? Are actually trying to tell you something really important. Have you ever thought about that? Yup. Envy and jealousy are not just some negative, no good feelings that you should shove to the side and bottle way down. They are actually signals that are pointing you towards your deepest desires and aspirations. And today I'm going to unpack this science behind it because y'all know I love the science. And I am going to share with you where I recently felt these pings of envy and jealousy. And then of course, I'm going to walk you through my tried and true snap method to help you turn your emotions into fuel for growth. You are listening to the glass ceiling and sticky floor podcast. The podcast that will empower you to shatter limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors to uncover infinite possibilities. So you can live your best life. I'm Erica Rooney and I'm on a mission to bring more women into positions of power and keep them there. I'm obsessed with all things, growth and abundance. And I'm here to talk you through the tried and true secrets to get you to level up your career and your life. We talk about the hard stuff here. Imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear and burnout. So pull up busy popping in ear, bud. And let's dive in. All right. I'm kicking off today's episode with understanding what envy and jealousy really are. Now, according to a study published in the journal of personality and social psychology, envy occurs. When you lack something that someone else has while jealousy involves the fear of losing something valuable to arrival. Now both emotions are deeply rooted in what we value and what we aspire to achieve. But now I don't know about you, but when I started researching envy and jealousy, it was because I was feeling my own pings of what felt like both. And I've always lumped them together. Envy and jealousy. But understanding the difference between envy and jealousy was really eye-opening for me. So I want to break it down with some examples, because I think it's really helpful to understand what's going on here. But let's take envy. Andy has to do with you having a lack of something that someone else has. And you either want that for yourself, or you feel resentful that you don't have it. Now. A good example would be if a Colleen gets a promotion or a raise that you felt you really deserved, you might feel envious because you want that level of pay. You want that financial security, or maybe you want the recognition and the success for yourself. Whereas jealousy. Is more about the feelings of insecurity, the feelings of fear and anxiety, and it often highlights our fears of loss and vulnerability. So looking at that same example of your colleague, getting a promotion or a pay raise. If you were deep rooted feelings about the situation are grounded in you feeling insecure or not enough it's jealousy, rearing its ugly head, not so much of envy or maybe you feel like that was the only promotion out there and you'll never be able to get it again. Dare again, is that feeling of loss? But another example of jealousy might be, if your friend is spending a lot of time with someone who isn't you and you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm being replaced are, you know, special bond. What we have, like that relationship it's being diminished. Jealousy rearing its ugly head. Okay. Envy really highlights what we are missing in our lives. So, if you're seeing someone else who has that really special bond and you're feeling envious, it might be because really deep down, you want that in your life and you feel like you don't have it. So for me, I'll give you a recent example where envy was just running rampant in my world, but I was scrolling through my Instagram and there was apparently some sort of opportunity that I either missed or was just not included on, which is fine, but the opportunity was so many of my speaker friends were able to be featured on a New York times square. Bulletin board, electronic bulletin board. I don't know what you call them. But I started seeing. Just Instagram post after Instagram posts of all of my speaker friends. On times square billboards. And at first, like the first couple I saw, I thought, oh, my gosh. That's so cool for them. That's so exciting. But then I started seeing more and more of my speaker friends, and I started to feel these pings of jealousy and envy and jealousy, because I felt like, oh my gosh, I missed out on this opportunity and it is never going to come again. And they're going to get all these spin and amazing accolades for being on this billboard and then envy, because like, I want to be at that level. I want to be able to say, look at me, I'm doing the damn thing. I'm on that billboard. I want those markers of success. So really I was feeling both. And to be honest, like I haven't felt these pings of jealousy or envy in quite some time. So this event we'll call. It was very eyeopening for me. And it's why I started digging into the research. But, you know, I love my sticky floors and I love what they are trying to tell me. So I really wanted to peel back the onion on this one and examine the sticky floor of jealousy and envy. And then of course apply my snap method to it. And I would love for you to join me on this exercise. So little background for those of you who are a first time listener, or you are new to the concept of sticky floors and the snap method, I'm going to walk you through it at a high level, but you can always go back to the episode that dropped on April 22nd, called. Snap out of it. But sticky floors are the limiting beliefs and toxic behaviors that keep you stuck and jealousy and envy, they fit right on in there. But the snap method is my unique four-step framework that will pull you out of any sticky floor or situation that you find yourself in. And it stands for stop and take note of what your body's trying to tell you. Name that sticky floor, ask an answer some really deep and personal questions. And then finally pivot. So do this with me, but think back to a time where you felt really envious or jealous about something. Whether it's personal or professional and let's break it down together. So the first step stop and take note of the physical sensations in your body. And then objectively look at where are your thoughts going? So for me, while I'm scrolling through Instagram and I'm realizing that it wasn't just one or two of my speaker friends on these billboards, it was 6, 7, 8 of them. I just felt this pole in my gut, like this unsettling poll, it was heavy. I felt just kind of, Ugh. I can't quite explain it, but you know, when they were all posting and I kept seeing more and more, it kept getting deeper and deeper and stronger, this feeling of being unsettled and of just being envious and jealous. And again, that second step naming the sticky floor. I did just that jealousy and envy. And I want to tell you, like, this is so important because when we put words to our feelings and our emotions, we can start to understand it. We can start to take back the power that these sticky floors have over us. So naming that floor of jealousy and envy one or the other, or both, honestly. And I want you to just know that in recognizing those physical sensations and then naming that sticky floor, we can then take a moment and sit with those emotions and sit with those feelings instead of pushing them away. And while you are sitting with those emotions, You move on to step three, ask and answer some really deep questions because the real question that we want to get to the bottom of is why do I feel these feelings of envy and jealousy and w what is going on here? Because if we understand the why. We can understand how to pull ourselves out of this sticky floors. So I want you to ask yourself what is specifically triggering these feelings. So for me, It was this triggering moment of seeing all my friends on the billboard and I wasn't there. Right. But then I had to ask myself, Did I feel like if I am not on this time square billboard, it means I'm not successful. Does it mean that I'll never be successful? Does it mean I'll never be on another billboard? You know, did I think that because I missed this opportunity, which I clearly did did it would never come back again. You see, understanding the answer to all of these questions and really getting to that root cause it is so crucial. Because when I got deep and I asked myself, Why was I feeling this way? I was able to uncover that while I've been working really hard on my speaking business, I'm nowhere near where some of my speaker friends are with their success and their business. But, you know, why. It's because I started my journey after they did. It's because I'm also, full-time employed as a C-level leader and I have two little kids. I've got a lot of other stuff going on in my life. And I realized through asking myself these deep questions. That I do want that level of success. And I do want to be known as the next Mel Robbins. You know, in fact, I'm going to start calling myself a budget friendly, Mel Robin. So like, if you can't afford her call me, cause you can probably afford me. But anyways, it was a real eye opener that I was comparing my day one to someone else's day 862. And you can't do that. It's just not fair to you. Now these emotions and underlying feelings, they were pointing me directly to the fact that being known as a speaker and a damn amazing one in my space. It's something that I want, but I feel like I lack it. So be as honest as you can with yourself here and really do that deep introspection. And I want you to take your scenario. Were you last felt this jealousy and envy, and I want you to ask yourself, what does this thing. That is sparking jealousy and envy represent to you. Is it success? Is it love recognition? Or maybe it's something else, but what is that? Something else? And then my friends, you can head on over to the final step, which is the most powerful one. And that is the pivot. But the pivot is the reframe. Simple concept. Not always easy. It's from, I'm not successful enough to be on a billboard in times square too. This wasn't my time yet, but it's coming. Or this opportunity wasn't for me, but a greater one out there is. And the truth is I do believe in myself and I trust myself to do the work, but just saying those positive affirmations. Y'all that ain't enough. So then you have to take those emotions and while holding on tightly to that pivot. Use them to transform your emotions of jealousy and envy into actionable steps towards those goals. So instead of letting envy and jealousy consume you. Use them as fuel, use them as motivation and create a plan to achieve the goal you desire or even something greater than that. Maybe it means having a discussion with your boss about your career path, talking to a partner about saving money and all of your PTO days. So you can take a two week extravaganza to the Maldives. Or maybe just invest in your own personal growth, but do it figure out those action plans and the steps that you need to take to get started. Now here's another little science tidbit for you, but research from positive psychology suggests that when you reframe, when you pivot. Envy to act as a motivator, it can lead to personal growth and achievement. Dr. Richard Smith, a leading researcher on envy highlights and these emotions can signal what we truly value and what we want to work towards. And y'all when I heard that. I recognize so quickly that I was envious because I'm on this path and I have this dream to create long lasting impact and change women's lives. And that billboard in times square that I was not on. It was a tangible sign, literally a sign. That has a speaker. You can, and you get to make an impact. And that's where I want to be. But using this pivot of I'm not there yet. And a better opportunity is coming my way for me. That's why I wasn't on that Dean billboard that empowers me to recognize that I am just where I need to be on my journey. And also seeing that my friends have that kind of success, you know what else it does for me, it gives me real, tangible proof that it can be done because other people are already doing the damn thing. So, if you are Johns and over your friends two week vacation, don't say it can't be done because it really can. Your friend just showed you. And instead of living in this space of lack, remember your friend proved to you that it can be done. So you just have to get that action plan in place. And you've got to go after it. So to recap. Stop and recognize the physical sensations that you are feeling that pull in your gut, the increased heart rate, the sweaty palms, whatever it is, stop and take note. And then name that sticky floor, call it out for what it really is, jealousy or envy or any other emotion. And then ask yourself and answer the deep and personal questions about why you might be feeling those pains of jealousy and envy. And then the final step, the pivot, the reframe. Take those thoughts and take your emotions and think about how you can flip the script from lack and scarcity to one of empowerment and abundance. Y'all envy and jealousy do not have to be negative drivers. No, no, no. But when you recognize and acknowledge these feelings in sticky floors, the underlying desires you have, and you transform your thoughts and emotions through the pivot. You can take these feelings of jealousy and envy and you can turn it into freaking rocket fuel for your personal growth. Remember, y'all these emotions. They are just signals. They are signals and nothing more, and they are guiding you towards what you really want in life, what you want out of life. And I want you to embrace them. Thank them. Give them gratitude and learn from them. Let them propel you towards you. Living your best goddamn life. All right. Y'all thank you for joining me on this episode of the glass ceilings and sticky floor podcast. I hope you found this discussion, both empowering and insightful. And if you enjoyed it, please rate, review and subscribe because it truly helps it land in the hands of the woman that needs to hear it most. Now until next time. Remember the only ceilings that exist are the ones we place over ourselves. Let's smash through them together.