Talking Toddlers
Calm, developmentally grounded guidance for moms of babies and toddlers.
As a mom of a baby or toddler, it can feel like everyone has an opinion - and very few answers that actually make things clearer. The noise is loud. The pressure is real. And the uncertainty can be exhausting.
Talking Toddlers is a podcast for moms who want calm, trustworthy, developmentally grounded guidance - without fear, guilt, or unrealistic expectations.
I’m Erin Hyer, a licensed speech-language pathologist with nearly 35 years of experience supporting young children and their families. I’ve spent my career on the floor with toddlers, partnering with parents, consulting with early educators, and training graduate students to understand how children truly grow, learn, and communicate - through relationships, everyday routines, and meaningful language experiences.
This podcast breaks down how the young brain learns, why certain behaviors or challenges show up, and how parents can gently support development before small concerns become bigger ones. I believe parents are in a powerful position — not to do more, but to understand more.
Each episode offers:
- Practical, real-life strategies you can use during everyday routines
- Gentle explanations of the why behind toddler behavior and development
- Supportive conversations that help you feel less alone and more confident
My goal is simple: to help moms feel empowered and toddlers feel supported - so learning, communication, and connection can grow naturally at home.
New episodes of Talking Toddlers are released weekly.
This is a space for clarity, connection, and courage - where moms come to slow down, trust themselves, and support their child’s development with confidence.
Talking Toddlers
Fussy Babies & Pacifiers: (Part 1) Ep 63
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
It's a common 'go to' and has been around for centuries, so why are there so many questions?
Do ALL babies use pacifiers?
Are there possible risks or side effects?
What can I do INSTEAD to help my fussy baby?
In this episode I cover these questions and strategies to build your understanding, make a plan and create a strategy for each stage of your baby's first year.
All babies are not equal ... you know that, so we have to sometimes step back and look at a variety of possibilities.
While pacifiers have some benefits, there are some downsides. And since many babies often fall in love with theirs, it’s worth considering both sides of the debate before you introduce them.
After listening through to this week's episode, you'll feel much more confident and ready to ease your baby's fussiness ... with and without a pacifier.
Enjoy this episode and don’t forget to share.
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your tongue or your baby's tongue can't rest on the roof of the mouth if the pacifier is there more often than not right. then they practice repetitively, that sucking motion forward thrust, for hours on end. And so the function then is being compromised and that prevents the tongue tip from lifting and propelling saliva backwards to be swallowed. As a result long-term or chronic pacifier use interferes with the shape and the formation of your baby's whole mouth Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity. Because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Welcome back. This episode is about helping your baby, your toddler build self-regulation or self calming skills and like all things baby, it starts from day one and needs to be facilitated with you. I realized babies are known to be fussy sometimes. And I want to assure you that that doesn't need to be your new normal or a regular habit or your family family's lifestyle just because you have a baby or a toddler. Today's episode is highlighting one slightly controversial baby tool. Even though it's been around for centuries, I believe it continues to be misunderstood and therefore, misused. Like most things baby related there tends to be pros and cons So in order for you to make an informed decision. And to create a plan, which I highly recommend. I'll outline some of those pros and cons first and then provide specific guidelines, which makes this process so much easier and Navigatable right. So, although I'm speaking primarily on this one, baby gadget this information seeps across other reasons why babies or toddlers become fussy, become emotionally dysregulated. I don't know if you've heard that term yet, but it's when they seem to melt down easily and cannot calm themselves. So have you guessed what this baby gadget is yet? It does go by several names depending on where you live. And some of them could be dummy Binky. Passy to just name a few, but the pacifier is what we're going to dive into today. And is meant to do just that pacify your baby and the primary purpose is to help him or her learn how to calm and settle down themselves. So think about it. He's new to this big, noisy, disturbing world that we all share. And his nervous system is under developed on purpose. Remember, I've shared in the past, that it was the only way us females could learn or could develop how to walk upright. And then deliver a healthy baby with narrower and narrower hips without killing ourselves literally, or the baby. So that 40 week gestation seemed to be the sweet spot. Where we could survive. Delivery and the baby then could continue it's growth and development on the other side. Outside the womb. So there are many reasons why your baby may be crying or maybe fussy and just can't get to sleep. And our role as the mama, the primary caretaker is to play detective. So let's think of a few, right? She might be wet. She might be too cold or too warm. She might be overstimulated. And that myth where some people believe. let's tire the baby out and then she, or he can sleep through the night that doesn't work so well. Maybe. Your baby is bored or under-stimulated, and then you have to look at your daily life and routine and how you're trying to regulate them during waking hours. Maybe your baby is feeling anxious or insecure, and you're thinking what? A baby doesn't even understand how can they feel anxious is because they pick up on our mama vibes on our energy. Remember, we're in this world together. They came from you and we pass on our energy through hormones through emotional vibes in the room literally. And so we have to become so much more aware of our internal emotions, especially at this time, but you know, that's harder, or much easier said than done. And then some of the other basic, common things. They're hungry. They're gassy. Do they just simply want to be held, keep in mind we can never spoil a newborn or an infant. So go ahead. Hold them and see how they respond. As you are consciously aware that crying is your baby's primary way to one capture your attention, right? That's their only form of communication at this point. And then try his best to TWO communicate his needs. And so you then step in and try to figure out playing detective and they keep continuing to respond to whatever your helping them navigate. So a newborn aged birth to about three months, those first three months. They haven't learned how to settle themselves. Right. They're underdeveloped. And so it's very, very common. For them to be unsettled. Like all things I talk about here, our primary role is to help your baby learn how to self settle. How to build those skills from the outside in, and then they can begin to internalize them. So they wake up often during the night as you're well aware this isn't new information, but their sleep cycles about 40 minutes. And so if they wake up in between those sleep cycles to be fed or changed, and then we take care of their, physical needs, then we need to help them get back to sleep. we called this RESPONSIVE SETTLING, because they don't have that intrinsically yet or wired into their nervous system. It's very typical that we help them build that and hone that wiring system. So, yes, each baby is different and there's a lot of wiring going on in utero. They pick up our energies there as well, and that's for another conversation. But we influence the continued wiring on the outside, at home, through our daily life experiences. So it's important that we stay open to try new things, to be flexible. And like I often say you're learning
on
Erinthe job, so let's take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Your baby's ability to settle comes in two main paths. First, it is their temperament, right? Their basic genetics, which takes up about 50% of this learning how to self-regulate and calm themselves. So some babies are more fussy, other babies, they seem to kind of take this outside world pretty smoothly. Right. But either case our environmental experiences that you and I create as the mom, as the primary caretaker, it continues to wire them. So you can take a sensitive baby and help them build positive responses, positive self-regulation or you can take an easy going baby, and even bring that up a notch. So remember I spoke about EPIGENOME or EPIGENETICS a few weeks back. I think it was episode 60. So if you're new born was born, extra sensitive or perhaps prematurely. And so that even cuts that 40 week gestation down right to 35 weeks or 37 weeks. Or they just, their temperament just seems to be a little off. It's really important that you then put on that detective hat. And implement some of these strategies that we're going to talk about with much more purpose and direction. Before I dive into some of the cons Or side effects of using a pacifier, I need to highlight a side note here. Some babies are extra difficult to settle, and I recognize that this is extremely sensitive and stressful for the family, especially the new moms, right? Your hormones are out of whack. You're exhausted. You're trying to find your rhythm. You're overjoyed and yet scared and exhausted most of the time. Right. So your self care is very, very important. If you need a break. It's okay. Place your baby in the cot or in the bassinet. Walk away for a few minutes. They're going to be fine for a few minutes. Were you. Find your. Center. Again, right. You take a few deep breaths. Meditate. Do some jumping jacks. There's a lot of science behind just getting our nervous system self-regulated by just jumping. it's working with and against gravity. Hum humming helps regulate our Vagus nerve. Relax in a stretching posture, maybe a child's pose or something to help bring your cortisol levels, our body's response hormone. Right? Bring it back to some kind of homeostasis. Call your partner, a friend, a family member. Make sure mom, that your emotional leads and your self care is met to. So remember, the old saying. Put your oxygen mask on first. Alright, now let's talk more specific about the use of a pacifier. And like I said earlier, it is a personal choice and you're going to find professionals, for whatever worth they are, we're going to be on both sides of this fence. And I tend to kind of walk in the middle.'cause I think every situation is unique. I don't want that to sound like a cop out, but I do think that whether you choose to use a pacifier or not, then your plan needs to be structured. and I, and I share this with you because I made a big mistake with my daughter 23 years ago. I took her pacifier away prematurely. So I think it was somewhere between that second and third month of life. And then she found her thumb. And that doesn't necessarily have to be all that harmful, but our daughter had difficulties several years of difficulty dealing with that and trying to rectify that. that way of, calming herself or just putting her self in a state of, peace and balance internally. So. The truth is, I didn't know, 23 years ago, what I know now. And so I want to share what the researchers is suggesting; what real life and clinical experience has shared with me. And then again, Hopefully this will help you make a more informed decision. And no matter where you are on this journey, whether you're just looking at your three month old and say, okay, what do I do? Your six month old or your 18 month. I'll give you some tips and tricks along the way. So the possible risks and before I jump into the risks, you know, there's a little asterisk here that, pacifiers used with breastfed babies. are best served once they really, master latching and breastfeeding. Because there could be nipple confusion and we don't want it deal with that unnecessarily. Right. So specialists in lactation and all of that. Recommend that parents wait two to four weeks to make sure that your newborn is well-established in latching and breastfeeding. and then you can look at other ways of perhaps helping them settle back down if they don't need to feed again. Right. So let's look at the number one con It isn't. Meant to be used longterm because it can cause some serious dental problems, which then snowballs into other issues. So we'll cover what some of the boundaries are of that developmental phase and when and where to use a pacifier strategically. But if that happens to you and say you have a two, two and a half or a three-year-old right now, and they're still using the pacifier, or the thumb or the fingers, The problem is, is that it interferes with the development of that mature swallow pattern. Right? So it's compromised structurally and functionally. Structure is how our oral cavity is formed over those first couple of years. And then. Function is like what? I just did swallow. Right. So let me explain what happens your tongue or your baby's tongue can't rest on the roof of the mouth if the pacifier is there more often than not right. And then they practice repetitively, that sucking motion forward thrust, right for hours on end. And so the function then is being compromised and that prevents the tongue tip from lifting and propelling saliva backwards to be swallowed. Just like I did right there, but As a result long-term or chronic pacifier use interferes with the shape and the formation of your baby's whole mouth our babies develop a mature swallow between nine and 15 months, give or take that's where it's really emerging. And remember if you're introducing solid foods around five or six months, then from six months to 12 months. You're really helping them learn how to bite, chew, and swallow as well. So what's happening is that we're shaping or forming his facial constructs and is the only bone growth pattern that we literally shape. And I've shared before some of the, the facts is that we as human beings swallow about 2000 times a day, it's about. You know, every 30 seconds and every time we swallow. Then. Right. It's five pounds of pressure. So as your baby is growing in that hard and soft palate, is the roof of the mouth, but it becomes more and more narrow. Which is what we don't want. We want it to be the same shape that the width of your tongue. And so then it becomes more narrow you then, depending on whether it's the pacifier going directly in the mouth or the fingers or the thumb on the size, then we create an open or a crossbite. And then there's that infamous malocclusion, which means that the teeth aren't lining up. Back on the molars, And upfront. we've all seen those kids. I was one of them, not that I was a thumb sucker, but I had really bad malocclusion. Which then leads to breathing issues, especially if you have a big gap between your upper teeth and lower teeth or. If your back teeth don't. Line up. Then it's hard to have your lips closed and breathing through your nose. Right? So then this can lead to those breathing issues that I've shared with you in the past. And, recurrent, upper respiratory problems. So all of this. This scenario sets the stage and the research demonstrates this, that children who overused pacifiers present with significantly higher numbers of middle ear infections. And then we have to deal with the whole antibiotic problem, right. So, as I said, this developmental phase, Helped shape the structure of the jaw, the upper and the lower jaw. The teeth alignment, the lip closure, the breathing patterns, right? So both structure and function. If the tongue is constantly going forward. But at six months, we're trying to teach it to go back and rest up against your hard palate, their right behind your upper teeth. but we have all this misalignment. So what can we do right. Like I said it then begins to impact eating, and speech Then it could bleed into becoming a picky eater because it's not comfortable for them, there's jaw discomfort when he goes to bite into something, but if there's a gap between his front teeth, then it's not serving him. Right. Keep in mind that your baby's all of his or her teeth are pretty much in, by their second birthday, except for that second molar, which will come in that year sometime. But all of those front teeth and the first molars are in, hopefully have erupted and they've erupted with your assistance in biting a lot of things, right. Some chew toys, good solid variety of foods. And so what I have seen in my 35 years of practice is that then the toddler or the preschooler, or even the kindergartner can present with speech, which is the physical part of talking, and language issues becomes that domino effect. And so when I take a family's history, I looked deep into. what happened from birth on, was a pacifier or used? Did they find their thumb for how long, blah, blah, blah. Right. So, what I'm trying to lay out here is to look at the risk factors to be mindful of them. Because there can be side effects. If you don't have a plan as specially, if you continue to allow your, your toddler beyond 18 months, but definitely beyond that second year. we can talk about the perfect scenario between helping them wean off at six months and hopefully be done, or at least just use it for bedtime by 12 months. But after the second birthday, it really begins to interfere with their whole oral motor structure and function. So I bet you're saying well, Should I even try to use a pacifier. And with my experience, because I kind of did the wrong thing 23 years ago with my daughter. I say, yes, if you do it with forethought, right. If you know what the other side is going to look like. Let me share what a structured plan would look like. We have to think about. Using it responsibly and purposely. So the number one purpose of a pacifier is to help a newborn or an infant calm down, and usually get back to sleep. That's the key here. Right? And then we can talk about some techniques about weening. Right. And it's always better to have a plan beforehand, but if you don't and if right now you're in the middle of it, you can certainly learn a lot from what I share here. Right. And in part two, I will be more strategic with how to wean your toddler off a pacifier, whether they're 12 months old or 18 or two years old. Right. So let's first look at, when do we use a pacifier? Why would we use a pacifier? And then how do we use it? Right. So the first thing is. When? And like I said, we would introduce it. If you're breastfeeding, then wait three, four weeks. And then we would introduce it to them to help them go to sleep right. To settle down comfortably. And then at five or six months, we seriously look at how do we make steps to wean them off. And like, I I've mentioned a couple of times now. The whole idea about a pacifier. Is to help a baby who's having trouble falling asleep. And it's not just to pacify them or quiet them at any time. That he begins to express discomfort, you know, in the middle of the day or when he supposed to be awake. Right. That's where you put your detective hat on and you tried to figure out, okay, it's not really nap time or it's not really bedtime. The pacifier is pretty much used for sleeping or napping only. And that's a hard thing, I think for modern day mamas and families, and even, childcare settings to wrap their mind around. Because the baby then becomes incredibly dependent on it. And that's not what our goal is. Our goal is to help I use the environment through this developmental phase from birth to three months, and then three months to six months. under three years of age, we look in these three month blocks. And the best way that us mothers and any primary caretaker, but it starts with us is that we need to get in tune or in sync with our baby. a newborn from birth to three cannot soothe themselves. It's just impossible. Right? they don't have the nervous system to do that. If they're under construction, they're still developing that. And the pacifier then is meant to help with this learning process. As their neurological system continues to mature. Beyond the womb. Right. And so keep that in mind when you go to reach for that pacifier? Am I just plugging them up? Right. Or is there another reason why they're fussy that then I could help them better by, Solving that issue, right. And I just wanted to make a side note. There's always side notes in my, in my chats here. Because there's so many nuances, right? There's so many pieces to the puzzle. And because babies can't quite communicate with us, and the research can be interesting to say the least, but there is some research that suggests that a pacifier may reduce the risks of SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome. And I've talked a little bit about that in the past. But this research, the outcomes are not all that consistent. And the numbers are pretty small. And if you care to read the research, they talk about the theories, Or the hypothesis is that the pacifier stops babies from reaching that deepest level of sleep. And that's typically what happens when, when SIDS occurs, unfortunately, is that they're in such a deep level of sleep and their breathing then is compromised. But I look at that and I think, well, if using the pacifier. Doesn't allow your baby to reach the deepest level of sleep, is that something you want? Right. We want them to have deep, full sleep cycles. Right? So that's why we have to be strategic. Now we do know on the other side, and I've shared this, that the biggest factor that really, really has helped SIDS. Is the whole back to sleep campaign back in 1994. And again, I was in the middle of it, right. My practice had been up and running for a number of years and we saw the statistics that SIDS. dropped by nearly 50% and that's pretty remarkable. but the flip side to that, because then in those next two or three years, occupational therapist, my colleagues, really saw a spike in motor delay development, fine and gross motor because the babies were sleeping on the backs, which again, we know that there. Really really helped reduce the numbers of SIDS, but what did occupational therapists have to do? They had a step in. And create this whole tummy time. Tummy Time didn't exist before 1995. I mean, we talked about some babies prefer to sleep on their bellies on the side in the back, but like when I was a kid and. And even in the eighties, right up until 94, 95, you know, it was a personal choice. Right. And so you might want to go back and listen to episode 43, where I talk a lot about tummy time and speech and eating and how they're all interconnected, but I will certainly revisit that. So if your baby. Has had some good consistent days and some good consistent nights you guys are building your new family routines. Then, typically that child begins to self-sooth around four to six months. And again, It's how they're wiring themselves outside of the womb. They're getting used to this three-dimensional world look at your daily activities, which should be including a lot of tummy time, a lot of movement giving them opportunity to get engaged with their limbs, their upper limbs and their their lower limbs. a lot of rich language stimulation. Uh, some good outdoor play. And then some regular feedings, regular nap times. Are you finding that rhythm? So there seems to be you when we look at development across the board that months five or six is magical. Right? So many things are happening. You're going to start to introduce the exploration of solid foods. We've talked a lot about that with baby led weaning, and I'll certainly cover more about that. And then their neurological system, their intrinsic timing machine he is also maturing. And so part of that is that circadian rhythm, which I'm sure most of you have heard. When I peel back some of the developmental markers what's happening between three and six months and then six and nine months, circadian rhythm certainly pops up. Because it's really beginning to mature over time, but it begins to stabilize around six months. And that's when melatonin hormones surges that night as the sun goes down. And then cortisol that stress or wake up attentive hormones surges in the morning when the sun rises. And here's the interesting fact that may sound familiar, may not, but every cell in our body has his very own clock. And the time that these clocks are set is by the rotation of the earth. So we really don't have much control over other than what our external environment allows us. So ideally, what our God? Our creator designed us to do is that our bodies are perfectly aligned with day and night. And that's why nowadays in this modern world, you'll see a lot of people talking about different hacks to how best to use artificial light. Right. And that's for a different conversation, but it's, it's important in here because I know new families or parents of newborns often talk about, he doesn't know the difference between day and night. that's true. They don't in those first several months, but somewhere around five or six months, if you've been able to find routines and build upon that, then their internal clocks. Locks, literally right there. Circadian rhythm, is beginning to mature. So. Keep this in mind, as you look at your newborns who are trying to establish this outside of the womb. It should be gradual thinking the these three month chunks. And while, we might not even be aware of how these clocks exist inside of us. It does I control many, many, if not all aspects of our lives, When we eat or when you and I sleep, if we're able to focus or concentration skills, How we play, how our work habits, all of these are directed by our clocks internally. And if we mess with it, the Earth's rotation, the sun rise and the sun setting by artificially lighting, then we're out of whack, right? You and I have felt that, right. If we stay up too late or for, we get up too early. Think about the negative effects of what the blue lights from all these screens do to us. And I know there's a lot of discussion out there and some hacks, blue light, blockers, and all of this. There's a lot of science behind it. So that's another reason to keep screens away from babies, but. I digress. So this information about circadian rhythm. Is good for all children of all ages and you and me. Right? Full grown folks, full grown children. And you can look at different phases, right? You can look at this newborn, you can look at through your preschooler. And your middle schooler and your high school or in your college at all changes. and it's really based on keeping in sync with your circle, a healthy circadian rhythm, right. So how best do we tap into this? It's about creating sleep routines and then using our environment so that your baby builds upon them. And keep in mind, the whole idea about a pacifier is to help babies get back to sleep, not to pacify them in the middle of the day, right. Or if they're having a complete meltdown in the grocery store, That's an overstimulation kind of thing. And we can talk about different scenarios, but your baby needs a cue to tell him. It's time to go to sleep now. Right. And this usually happens by the external environment that, that we, as the mommas and the, and the parents and the families. Create. So some of the more common ones create a darker room. As the sun is going down, we want the lights inside the house also to be dimmed. Right. And when my daughter was little, I think actually all the way through high school, she may have taken it to college, but we always had a salt light off in the corner. they even make the small ones as a nightlight. They're beautiful because it gives a warm Amber glow. Again, helping the circadian rhythm, the clocks and each and every one of ourselves. Stay in sync with the Earth's rotation. it could sound woo, but it's really, really just basic science that we've known for a long, long time. And so another outside cue could be when you swaddle them or wrap them in a certain method. As long as your baby can't roll over yet, then swaddling or rapping is still a good idea. And that's a personal choice, my daughter. You know, I like to share what my experience was, but my daughter hated being swaddled. So, I've always then recommended a sleep sack. And I think I actually covered this in. Uh, I dunno, five everyday items that we get wrong with babies. I think it was back in episode 37. Right. T you can take a look at that, but another outside cue could be rocking or using your glider chair. We loved that kind of motion, Going back and forth was better than literally rocking. Um, but you get a different sensation with that, right? Humming a tune. Bringing everything down in your environment to help with that transition. So you create the routine together. He or she, your baby is going to respond as you try out different environmental cues, but it's really important that your baby becomes aware of these external cues or habits. Because that's where you move a two or three month old into that five or six, because they've had weeks upon weeks upon weeks of experience. Oh gosh, I get it. Now we're moving on. I'm going to go to sleep right. It's not playtime anymore. It's not feeding time anymore. And so I think it's important. That you, you stay open to trying these kinds of things. Okay. The other piece is that as mamas, as primary caretakers, grandmas, and you share this information with each other, of course, but. To be able to recognize the signs that your baby's tired. So when your baby is tired, they will. Do I give you signs or cues themselves, right. Ah, this isn't working for me anymore, and once you're in sync with this, it will encourage you to help them transition. And the sooner, or the more ahead of it, you stay the. Easier and smoother. The transition is because what happens neurologically. If babies cross that threshold and they really, really break down. Then that's, firing, that's building their neurological system in a fight or flight state, and that's not healthy development, That will happen on occasion. And we'll talk about how to bring it back to a more calm state. So keep in mind that newborns to about three months might start showing, being tired close to 30 minutes after they wake up. Right. So they're waking windows just about 30 minutes or so. But from three months to six months, that really expands. And it could be from 90 minutes all the way up to three hours depending on your child. Right. And there's a big difference between that three and four month old. And that five and six month old. Right? So they're waking window varies. And so if they start with some of these tired cues, then you have to be ready to help them. so some of these cues, again, you're probably very familiar with, let's just punch him out here. Right? Jerky movements, frowning, clenching of the fists. that's a telltale that they're getting, Restless right, yawning. My daughter used to always stare out in the upper left-hand corner or wherever. And we used to think that she was like, talking to go sir, her grandparents who had gone. moved on. Right. But that kind of staring or even poor eye contact and it doesn't. That's not a diagnosable thing. it just means that their system. Is getting tired. And they can't take in data from different sensory points, right. Auditory, visual tactiles two months. So they're going to not look at you because it's on overload, right? There's even that fluttering of eyelids or they rub their eyelids start to suck on things, That self-soothing. And then the more critical ones are like, if they start to arch their back or this term used as grizzling. So it's, it's crying, but it's just like grading crying, right? It's not like screams, like. they're startled. It's just like for long periods that they're just grizzling as it's like a low grade cry. Those happen with our team back in the grizzling are late signs. So you, you want to get to them, as best as you can, before that happens. but some of these signs might also suggest that your baby's bored and they just simply need a change of environment. So take that into consideration. Say, they've only been up for, they're four months old or five months old, and they've only been up for, 30, 40, 50 minutes. And you're like, okay, well maybe you just need a change of pace. And you can try that out. Always do your best to keep your boundaries or what your expectations are. if you have a two or three month old and they've been up for more than 30 minutes, it typically means they're tired. If you have a five or six month old and they've been up for, you know, two hours. It's more likely that they're tired and not bored. So just keep that in mind. So now that we've covered responsive settling issues or the need for responsive settling that co-regulation our babies learn through us. That your baby is born under developed on purpose and needs to build the rest of his neurological system through us and through his daily life experiences with you. we also covered in this episode, the side effects of extensive use of the pacifier. So there are pros and cons. And that extensive use typically means beyond age two. I like to target age one, some families will work through that 18 month period. But if we go beyond age two, then the side effects begin to escalate. when your child's tongue and jaw he is doing that anterior thrust all day, every day, it's not helping them develop that bite, chew and swallow. Which then can lead into eating issues, breathing issues, speech issues, the whole gamut. So the key takeaway is to make a plan and to use the pacifier strategically to help him or her, your baby build those self-soothing skills through his everyday life experiences. So the pacifier needs to be targeted for sleep and bedtime use only, and that's hard in this modern day world. I can't. I can't tell you how many times. I see. Much older kids, two, three, and even four year olds with a pacifier. And that's not serving them. Uh, I know there's a lot of details in this episode, but I, as always, I like to cover the science and the art to mothering, to parenting to these early years. And if we understand what's going on underneath, then we can make better choices. So in the next episode, as I continue this conversation, we'll cover specific ways of how to help them wean off of this pacifier at an appropriate time. And, and to use different techniques, But today, we also talked about How imperative it is for families, mamas, Papas, grandparents, any primary caretaker to learn how to read your baby signs and to figure out, to put that detective hat on, and to not just stick the Passy or the dummy in every time they fuss that it needs to be purposeful. I've always talked about my three PS, right. To be PRESENT as a parent or a mama, or a primary caretaker. To be PURPOSEFUL. What am I doing and why am I doing it? And then to be PLAYFUL. Right. To make sure that you subscribe so you get a notice when part two comes out and when it's released. So in that episode, I cover five tips to help settle your babies. Five very specific tips and how to then use strategies to wean them off the pacifier and the thumb and the fingers it can be used for all of them. It's a bit trickier, as you can imagine with a thumb and the fingers, and trust me, I know from experience, but there are strategies and I learned the hard way. So. don't forget to subscribe, leave a positive review if you're really gaining benefit, because that helps broaden my reach. And that's my goal is to help moms and dads who are in the thick of it, deal with it in real time. So thanks again for spending time with me. I look forward to continuing this conversation. Have a great week. God bless and remember, EAT. TALK. PLAY. with your little ones every single day. All right. God bless bye.