Fussy Babies & Pacifiers (Part 2) Ep 64

Fussy babies, pacifiers, self-soothing, and self-regulation… 

We continue the conversation in this week’s episode as there seems to be a lot of nuances we can’t overlook.

• oral motor development (how your baby’s mouth is shaped)
• speech sounds and eating skills
• breathing and upper respiratory health
• sleep, rest and recovery

Remember, my purpose is to demonstrate how EVERYTHING is related - especially in those first three years …

Our PRIMARY GOAL - help your baby / toddler develop into a happy, healthy, engaged and curious 7 year old.

This episode, I cover 5 Tips To Help Settle Your Baby (only one small part is using a pacifier).

Although there are periods where it may feel like we won’t last … I promise the more we focus on the moment, trying different strategies - the more you’ll both find  peace.

Enjoy this episode and don’t forget to share.

EAT. TALK. PLAY.

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Transcript

Erin 0:00

is that research shows that babies who sleep on their tummies, sleep longer, and don't react to the noise in the environment. The problem is, as we all know now, because I keep talking about this, is that putting your baby to sleep on their stomach or their side is pretty dangerous because of the whole sudden infant death syndrome research we know that there's a strong correlation, or puts them in a different risk group. But what Dr. Karp strongly recommends Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity. Because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Welcome back to talking toddlers. This episode, we will continue the discussion on fussy babies, pacifiers, and when we can wean them off those pacifiers with great success. Last episode, if you haven't heard it, please go back and take a listen because I cover a lot of background information. Pacifier is just one element to the first six to 12 months. I cover what is responsive settling, also known as co- regulators, mamas and our babies, we co-regulate, we teach them through our every day experience with them. I also discuss what are possible side effects with extensive use or overuse of the pacifier. And then how can we make a plan, a strategic plan that we can introduce the pacifier, knowing that there's an exit route, I talk also about how to read your baby's tired signs, much of which you've heard before in the past, But it's important to understand that we get in sync with our babies and that we learn how to pick up on what are they communicating through their nonverbal language and their verbal language, right their cries and their fussiness. They look different in different times of the day. But I cover a lot of other background information that's really, really important to listen to and put in your broad horizon of what do we do with these one, two and three year olds? And how can we help build their self-regulation not just with a pacifier and not just with, holding them, but what is it telling us where they are on this developmental journey. So part two, let us start here. These strategies can be used at any age. And I'm primarily focusing on the zero to three, but if you have an older child, you can put this in to your, plan of action as well. And just think of them as good baby practice. So there, I'm going to cover FIVE TIPS TO HELP SETTLE YOUR BABY, of which there is a piece to using a pacifier. But I want you to understand that I think over the years that the pacifiers overuse has just become kind of second nature to all of us. But there are side effects; there are complications to it. And perhaps we're interfering with a baby's natural growth and development of learning how to self, self sooth. Right? So these five tips will cover the FIRST one is BABY WEARING, and I think that that's actually become more and more popular over the last 10, 15 years or so. It's been used hundreds of years, you can go back into other cultures where a baby-wear can be up until a child is two or three, depending on the culture, depending on what's the norm there. Right? What science, what research has showed us is that babywearing can really help with postpartum, not necessarily postpartum depression, that can be part of the puzzle. But what I'm referring to is more getting our as the new mama, our strength back and baby wearing is sort of like a mini workout. And so it's helping us on different levels. the simple act of wearing our baby. On her body with a little extra. Wait can really build our recovery plan, build our core, rebuild our pelvic floor, all of those kinds of things. At the same time, your baby is also benefiting, staying close to home, right. He just left or she just left your womb. And listening to your heart, smelling you, hearing your breath your vibration and your chest, all of that can really help them transition into this big wild world of ours, right? And a lot of people in, in some of these research articles, regard it to kind of a squat workout. But you're just sitting on your couch or walking in your kitchen or, doing laundry or slowly getting your strength back in your home with your baby. You can do it gently and you don't have to go to the gym, but that's a big perk. That's a great strategy. The second one. Is that baby wearing helps to reduce any kind of flat head issues. Right. The whole back to sleep issue in the 1994 where we have to put our babies on their backs and there's a lot of flat head going on. And so that can help compensate or balance out by wearing them or, baby wearing with you close to your body. the third thing about baby wearing is that it strengthens on the baby the same core muscles that you and I are striving for for tummy time. Remember the back to sleep issue where we have to then do structured, strategic tummy time. But because the baby is being exposed to that upright position. well supported with your baby wearer, it helps strengthen that posture for them. And then tell me, time is more enjoyable. So there's a lot of good research with occupational therapists indicating that. The fourth perk to babywearing is that it as I kind of alluded earlier, it increases the emotional regulation because they're so secure, that it helps you and them begin that stage of co regulators. Our babies are born under developed they're looking to us to build that intrinsic regulator. And so they need us us to build that with them. That's what that co-regulation actually means. Okay. So now NUMBER TWO of these five strategies T. To help alleviate your fussy baby is the SKIN-TO-SKIN CONTACT and I think most of us know this, I know, it's part of that, early love that you have for your child. And they're so comfortable and it doesn't have to be just with you. It could be with your partner or, grandma If the baby's really, really fussy, but skin to skin really. more primal level. Helps with that. Co-regulation. It's very similar to babywearing. I guess you could wear the baby and it could be skin to skin that would, take it to a novel nother level. But, The newborns and the fussy babies really respond to the skin to skin, especially if you've tried some other strategies and it's just not working. And your baby isn't calming down and they've crossed that threshold. The skin to skin is pretty dynamic. And many of you, again, I have tried this I'm sure. But, um, even with a slightly older baby, don't be afraid to just bring it back to that mother nature, that human nature, right. some research with the skin to skin does suggest again, if you want another layer of quality and depth is that you could take your baby in the bath with you and do skin to skin, the warm air, the warm water you have to make sure that you're very careful, the big caveat here is that don't ever do that alone. Make sure that your partner's there or your, friend or mother or sister or somebody, because that can be very dangerous safety first. But if a child is really having a bad time, and you can't pull it together then skin to skin in a warm bath can really help both of you, but have some supervision, someone to help you get in and out of the bath and hand you the baby and all of that. Okay, so the THIRD TECHNIQUE his MOTION, So you can baby, where you can do skin to skin. And number three would be motion again. I think all of these are common pieces of knowledge, but to be able to put them all together. I just want moms and grandparents and dads. To remind you that there are different forms of motion, Every baby will respond differently. So some babies just like babywearing and that whole kind of walking about your house or sitting down, standing up all of that It is enough for them to self-regulate. Bouncing on the corner of the bed. This was a big one that my daughter liked. I didn't do a lot of babywearing 23 years ago wasn't necessarily a big part of our culture at that time think that it's come back in, in Vogue. And I think it's brilliant. Some children like the infamous car ride. My daughter hated car rides. I know it's hard to believe, it's true. For the first whole year, I think, it was not a pleasant experience. but I often caution with parents be careful of that one because, you know, it can get into a routine. and. maybe if you tried other things is in the evening, you're alone, your partner's out of town or something, and you just need your child has settled down, then the car ride could be a choice for you. the main point in all of this is that gentle motion has been shown in a lot of research to activate the same part of the brain that responds to the sensation of being rocked in the womb. And it makes sense again, if you have one, two, or three month old. but. in that second chunk From 3, 4, 5, 6 months. That a lot of babies will stop crying just simply when you stand up, if you're holding them. And there's something about that gravitational pull that being secluded, in the sitting posture with you. Or even bouncing, it's just not enough, but there's something about the whole gravitation and just simply to stand up helps. and again, that was our big one with our daughter that, I remember being fatigued in the middle of the night and I had to stand up. But that's when you tap your partner and say, come help. But research does demonstrate that there's this component to all mammals with the mother and infant interactions and that just picking the infant up and carrying them really reduces the physiological responses to being over stimulated and helps calm and soothe the baby. So it's not just the humans that other mammals have been shown to do this as well. So in a nutshell, don't give up, listen to your instincts. Most of all breathe. Right. Regulate your breathing because your baby's going to follow that. Take your lead. Bring your heart rate down. Breathe in five counts, exhale, 6, 8, 10 counts to help get the groove, the mood, right. Okay, NUMBER FOUR of these strategies to help a fussy baby is to switch environments. And I've, again, talked a lot about this with slightly older kids, right. But to go outside and it's really, really important because we forget in those first several months, especially, we kind of, hunker down in the house and feel claustrophobic and they feel that too. So all of these strategies can start to be weaved into your whole sleep. Bedtime routine, right to go outside in the late afternoon, even if it's just for a few minutes, what research shows. Is that it startles there a level of awareness, right. They can kind of get stuck in this fussiness. And with this switch, switch of air, switch of smells and sound all of their sensory systems shift just by simply going outside. And. This positive distraction changes their mood, right? It's like, they're more aware like, oh, there's birds. Or even if there's automobiles going by or the coolness on their cheek, or the sun beginning to set, right. Even if you go on a porch, or a patio backyard even at night time, just the coolness can help bring their level of awareness and distract them enough to take your lead and breathe into it. Right. And I think I spoke on this about taking it outside. I think that was the name of the episode Actually it was episode 51. So if you want to go back and look at that. Our modern life has brought us inside so much that we forget, oh gosh, I haven't gone outside in 48 hours or my baby hasn't gone outside and we think you know, it's a baby, it doesn't matter. It does. and in the last episode, when I talked about fussiness and helping build that self regulation, that self soothing it's about that circadian rhythm. So that's really key. And if, especially the morning light, and then the evening sunset, if you can let the baby your baby, even if it's like two minutes, See how the sun is changing. The light rays are changing. And we're shifting to a new phase of the day, You can take a quick little walk up and down your driveway. Pick some weeds. I always say that. sit on the grass, get the mail. Just a couple of minutes, two to five minutes, you both will benefit. I assure you. So whatever tools you start to try out, right? It's going to help both of you. And maybe if you have a list, you can just print it up and put it on your, your refrigerator and you can really take a look at what are these strategies that are at my disposal that I can try to help. Co-regulate with my little one, right? So NUMBER FIVE of these five steps. Is a big one it actually refers to FIVE S's and this FIVE S's was coined by a Dr. Harvey Karp and you can look him up, K A R P. But, he is, an older gentleman now, but a very famous pediatrician who really took all of this data that we have this research and professional experience and put them together for these Five S's just a simple way for you, mom, dad, grandparents. To, to keep in your mind, right? How to soothe your baby. And, the first one, the first ass would be SWADDLE. And like I've said before, that's a personal choice. Some babies like it, some babies don't I always say give it a try, especially when they're very young, under three months. especially if your baby's really, really fussy, maybe they just need that. number two of the S would be the even though it starts with an S H but that whole white noise there's a lot of, good articles on how the frequency of that, no matter what your voice is, the rhythm it again, it co-regulate you put it in, maybe with the motion, right? Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. It really helps I think most babies. But there's something very, very consistently helpful with that one. The third S would be the side or a stomach position. And you're like, Hmm, I can't put my baby on my stomach, right? Or even on a side when they're just a couple of months old because the interesting thing and why Dr. Karp strongly suggest this is that research shows that babies who sleep on their tummies, sleep longer, and don't react to the noise in the environment. The problem is, as we all know now, because I keep talking about this, is that putting your baby to sleep on their stomach or their side is pretty dangerous because of the whole sudden infant death syndrome research we know that there's a strong correlation, or puts them in a different risk group. But what Dr. Karp strongly recommends is holding your baby in that supine position because that will then activate the calming mechanism have, debt pressure on there. On their chest, the pressure on their abdomen and that sues their internal system as well as yours. You're holding the baby. They start to calm down. You start to calm down. So the whole idea is to hold your baby on their tummy. So it could be that skin to skin. Again. you're sitting up a little bit. It could be on the forearm with their head is nestled in your hand. This is a good time to give it to your partner. And you take a break. But lay them over your shoulder. I know a lot of dads would do that cause their shoulders tend to be a little bit bigger and a little bit more robust. And. We need a break, right? Lay them, like I said, on your lap, You stay awake, but let them have that tummy time And, and then the key, and this is a subtle nuance thing, is that you let your fussy baby begin to calm down. And then enter a drowsy state. And then hopefully you can then place them back in their crib or their bassinet in that drowsy state. If you let them completely fall asleep then transitioning might be tricky. But I think we all do it and as they get a little bit older and a little bit more mature in their internal neurological wiring and that's what's happening in those first three or four months, then that smoothness of putting them back in their bassinet or in their crib, won't be so jarring for them. And so again, it's trial and error. You're learning on the job, right. But number four of these S's would be to swing. And, earlier I talked about motion in general, but go back and listen. To your mother instinct. See what feels good to you and see what they Jive with right. Um, But swinging motion. I know there's a lot of contraptions out there you know, baby bouncers and vibrating equipment and all of this. It's a little window, right? It's three months, six months and then if we've played our cards, right and if we're strategic about this, Then that, that six month mark really should be helping them use their inner skills to self sooth, right? And then number five of these five S's from Dr. Karp is to suck. And that's where the pacifier comes in. Right. So we finally get to that, but we can use all of these other techniques before we get to the pacifier. or you can use these things in combination, but don't look at the pacifier or I encourage you not to look at the pacifier as this quick fix that easy peasy just put something in his mouth. Right. Look at the environment. Look at the timing. How long has he or she been awake? Keep in mind. It's our responsibility to co-regulate with them. And that's the way that they build their internal clock over time over six months. Right? And that's, that's key here because we don't want a, three-year old to have sleep issues. We don't want a four year old to have meltdowns every time. He's a little bit extra tired. We want to build this for, for longterm, it's not an immediate gratification kind of thing. Sometimes it is. And, and I get that, but it's really important that if we go into this with a strategic plan with tools at our disposal that we can try then it's only going to build a more stable, emotional regulation system as they move into, preschool, age and kindergarten, age and school age. There's a direct correlation to this. I've taken probably thousands of histories before when we have a three-year-old who has complete meltdown in the speech and language is delayed and they have difficulty interfacing with their peers in the classroom, because sleep has been so poor and perhaps they're bad eaters, are picky eaters and this just, this uh, bad. cluster of errors. And so I'm always looking at what were those, especially that first year of life, how well were you able to get in sync with one another and then build finished building his neurological system on the outside of the womb right in this very, very busy, noisy, rambunctious world that we live in. So, as you can tell, there's a lot of detail to cover on this topic, fussy babies and pacifiers. And I think you're all pretty much aware that mothering newborns, infants, toddlers, it's very nuanced. And one of my biggest clinical impressions over the years has been that our modern culture, our modern lifestyle style has lost some of the finesse to understand those nuances. And I think it's mainly because we're driven for this immediate gratification or perhaps we're rushing toward the next big thing. And I know many of us feel like we're pulled in so many different directions that we lose our sense of focus, that we get distracted. That's what this modern world is all about. Right? And because of that, one of my primary Focal points has always been to try to encourage all of us, but especially moms of newborns to slow down, to be present and to spend more time in the moment. So, I will Wrap this series up with a bonus episode to be released on Friday the 27th and I will also have there the link to the guide that I promised called LEARN TO SELF SOOTHE FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY and it will have all of this information that I've covered in the last episode several episodes. And so if you haven't already, please subscribe. So then you'll be the first to know when that bonus episode is released. Thanks again for spending time with me. I'm so, so grateful and excited to be on this journey with you and to be part of your inner circle. I know it's not easy, but If we sometimes just take that big breath, slow it down, it's not as complicated as the world would like to make it sound. So God bless. Have a great week. Don't forget to sign up and you'll get that bonus right away on Friday. Take care. See you next time. Bye.