New Mom Imposter Syndrome: Is It Real or Fake?

In today's episode, we're tackling a topic that resonates with countless new moms around the world - the phenomenon known as "New Mom Imposter Syndrome." 


This psychological experience, marked by feelings of overwhelm and self-doubt, is a common yet often unspoken struggle that many women face as they navigate the transformational journey of motherhood.

Becoming a mother is undoubtedly one of life's most significant transitions, filled with joy, love, and an abundance of new responsibilities. 

However, alongside the joy, many new moms find themselves grappling with a nagging sense that they are not measuring up, that they are somehow not cut out for this monumental role. 

This internal struggle is what many now refer to as New Mom Imposter Syndrome.

But is it a real phenomena or is it a story we tell ourselves that keep us stuck?

In today's episode, I aim to shed light on the importance of acknowledging and addressing this phenomenon head-on. 

I explore why it's crucial for new moms to take proactive steps to mitigate these feelings and build a foundation of confidence in their parenting journey. 

Parenthood is a learning curve for everyone, and it's essential to understand that every mom, regardless of experience or background, faces moments of doubt.

So, whether you're a new mom tuning in for guidance or someone supporting a mom in your life, join us as we explore the nuances of New Mom Imposter Syndrome and discover actionable ways to foster resilience, confidence, and joy in the incredible journey of motherhood.

CLICK HERE - JOIN THE WAITLIST

CLICK HERE - Building Vocabulary: Single Words to 2-Word Phrases Guide

Book I mentioned in this episode:

Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad: The Perspective Shift That Could Completely Change the Way You Mother,  by Abbie Halberstadt

QUESTIONS??
contact@HyerLearning.com

Transcript

Erin: 0:00

So the response time is off, right? If they're still wiring their system up. there's minimal understanding with our words, Hopefully. By 16, 18, 20 months. They understand. No. And stop. But their response time is off because one, they're not able to express themselves in any form or fashion that is reasonable. and they're simply intrigued by everything. And almost everyone again, with very little judgment because they don't have that cognitive wherewithal. And so they're predominantly impulsive and reactive. There's no real cognitive skill that they can rely on. Right. They can't really stop and think, oh, could this hurt me? Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity. Because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. this week's episode, we're tackling a topic that resonates with countless new moms around the world. The phenomenon known as quote, new mom imposter syndrome. This psychological experience marked by feelings of overwhelm and self doubt. Is a common yet often unspoken struggle that many women face as they navigate the transformational journey into motherhood. Becoming a mother is undoubtedly one of life's most significant transitions it's filled with joy and love and an abundance of new responsibilities. However, Alongside the joy many, many moms just like yourself. Grapple with this nagging sense that you're, you're messing up. That you're not enough and that somehow you're not cut out for this monumental role. This internal struggle is what many now refer to as the new mom imposter syndrome. So like often on these episodes, I like to just take a step back and really look at where this term or this label came from what's the history. And how are we using it today to actually help us move forward? Or perhaps is it keeping us. In that stuck feeling. So, you know, my idea is to really shed some light on what's current and what we can do to navigate and be more. Purposeful intentional with our parenting, especially in these early, early years. So the term, and I have some history, you know, again, being, in this, working world of motherhood and parenthood and early child development for 35 years, I have some different kind of history with the term imposter syndrome. if you look back historically, it refers to an individual's persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of their competence or success. So the term was first introduced back in 1978 by two psychologists named Pauline Clance and Suzanne IMEs. Times, and they wrote a paper called the imposter phenomenon in high achieving women. And the study primarily focused on high-achieving women, because let's think back in the seventies and eighties, When we women we're really moving toward corporate world, right. To getting a degree that meant something other than motherhood, ironically. But then the research expanded the concept because high achieving men had the same issues thinking of themselves as a fraud or an imposter. So the concept. Feeling like, you're a fake and experiencing this overwhelming sense of self doubt is not exclusive to any specific group. And it's become kind of widely recognized over the decades. I originally not as a high achieving woman per se, but I was first introduced to it. In my late twenties, Around the concept of adult children of alcoholics. So it was used in the psychological realm. Helping us, 20 something, 30 something. build a better self image. If you were raised in a dysfunctional alcoholic family, which I was good, bad or indifferent, that was who I was. I think it served me well. and we can talk about that in another time, but my therapist at the time I was, I had just finished graduate school. I had actually lost both my parents in one month period. I was 26 years old. And I was going out into the professional arena. I just finished my, we have a clinical fellowship year after our graduate work. And I had moved into. working in psychiatric hospitals on the adolescent unit. And I was part of this very extensive diagnostic team and I was overwhelmed. And man, did I feel like a fraud? I mean, I couldn't find. my footing at all. we also were kind of, of the mindset. You fake it till you make it. And, there were these conflicting voices underneath everything, I, what kind of identity was I, I, I had a great loving relationship with both my parents. I truly loved them and knew. That they had their trials and tribulations. Right. I, and I've shared with you all before in the past that I, one of nine children. It was in the era where many, many. Irish Catholic and Italian Catholic families had a number of children. Right. We were part of military crowd, all of that. And so there were many elements going into feeling like a fraud feeling like somebody's going to figure out that I didn't really earn this position in this clinical hospital nor did I really even earn my degree. I, Uh, classic dream is that. They're going to take my degree away that I didn't really finish all the coursework that I didn't defend my thesis, that blah, blah, blah, blah. And again, it's it's this. Huge transition. Into this next chapter, this next season of your life. And you're just filled with uncertainty, self doubt. That critical inner voice is just nonstop. And we do fake it during, daylight hours. And then you're in the dark at night in bed or you're up early in the morning and you're just like, oh my gosh, I have to fake it again. So now moving forward. You know, 35 years later. This term imposter syndrome is being used in multiple modalities, right? The new entrepreneur. The the new, Author the new actor, whatever. And new mom syndrome, right? So let's think honestly about other scenarios where we as human beings. Perhaps felt like an imposter, right? As think about those first days when you first went to high school, that was a nightmare. Talk about imposter again, growing up in an alcoholic family, I really felt like an imposter. I'd go to school. I would fake it. That was kind of my safety zone. I pretended I was quote unquote smart or capable. I pretended that I had my shit together and I didn't, everybody, was going to find out that, My family was highly dysfunctional. even though we all pretended everything was cool. Um, And then going off to college again, that, that feeling like a fraud, like. did they really accept me? Can I really do the work? am I going to be, accepted and finding my new friends, right. And then as I shared, stepping into that, that professional job, whether it's at a hospital or a corporate office or whatever, We all have this panic that we're not good enough that we can't. That we're going to be found out that, that we're just simply not good enough. Right. And so it makes sense that this huge transition into motherhood that we. As women. Especially. Really really feel. Overwhelmed. And then we feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. And then we know that we really don't know what the heck we're doing. so then the cycle, just that whole catch 22. You feel bad, ashamed, and guilty and uncertain, and then you feel bad for having those feelings. And it becomes kind of a, nightmare. Um, but. in the current day, it's really popping up. Like I said, in a number of areas. And, I'm careful with the words that I choose. And, and so I think using the term syndrome can be misleading and can. Sometimes hold us back because we think. Like, oh, I'll never get beyond this. I'll never learn how to. Navigate this, this. Inner voice of mine. And, and my purpose today is to, to acknowledge those feelings and that those feelings are real. When we're stepping into this new. arena motherhood, or perhaps that first. Professional job or moving onto to college. All of those feelings are really, really real. And yet at the same time, they're just that they're just feelings. It's just that inner voice, that little girl inside of you saying, wait a second. Wait a second. You don't know. What you don't know, and this is scary. And feeling uncomfortable, incompetent and, oh my gosh, you have this precious little baby who's depending on you to figure it out. And am I supposed to really know this naturally? Subconsciously, am I really wired to do this? And. As I prepared for this particular episode, I keep going back to something that I heard Tony Robbins, and many of you might be familiar with him, but he talks about this whole imposter syndrome as just a bunch of stories that we tell ourselves based on our life experience, based on this this overwhelming. sense of how do I move beyond this? And. I think it's, it's exponentially more trying as a new mom, because we have the hormones. We have the sleep deprivation we have. some support, right. Even if you're in a loving marriage and, uh, and your husband. Is is totally in it with you and is excited and doing everything he can. Breastfeeding is still on you literally and figuratively, right? And perhaps you're thousands of miles away from your own mom. And so there are many, many variables that we cannot ignore and that we have to. on a daily basis, remind ourselves that we can, Walk through this and get better each and every day. And so while I validate those feelings, I also want to help you broaden your perspective and put him in a healthier mindset. So. this is my perspective, this is my experience, both as a professional and as a mom. I believe that God gave each and every one of us moms, this beautiful, innocent, helpless baby for a reason, because of my Christian faith and because of my experience in this world When I look at mothers and babies and especially those first three to five to six years. I really think it's all designed for a reason, right? Your baby, your toddler was a gift. From our creator and that you. Are his or her steward that I am my daughter's steward. And what that means to me as a Christian person. Is that. I believe God owns everything in this world, right. That, and I use the term owns in quotes because that's another conversation, but he created all of this to live through us. Right. And that God owns the land and the waters and the buildings and the animals, everything. And he wants us to step up. And be stewards of all of it, including our children. And, that's what I believe as we're all on borrowed time. We're all in it together. And that we need to take care of each other, our children, the planet, all of this. I am not advocating or even sharing, to be a Christian, I'm just sharing my perspective I'm not here to preach or judge or any of that, but my perspective after all of these years, Through my childhood, right. That was. loving and wonderful and yet incredibly dysfunctional and unhealthy at the same time. I often question why the heck God, did you put me in with this family? And yet, as soon as I say that, I think of beautiful memories and beautiful moments. And I also think of pain and agony and, and stress. But. I think it's all designed for a reason. So just bear with me. Through this, this process, because I've been thinking a lot about this over the last several years, But my entire adult life, I think once I kind of started to think beyond, the struggling teenager, and I started to study biology and neuroscience and all of this. I am in complete awe. With nature with, with human nature and the planet nature. Uh, the sun and the moon cycles, the forest, the oceans, the seasonal changes, the landscapes, from. Texas to Alaska, to Asia, to Europe. All of it. And yet. I most. Blown away by watching a newborn and a baby grow and develop from conception. I mean those nine months in our womb, I mean, we have to acknowledge the miracle that that is. And then to watch the baby, the infant figure this out through our guidance and our love and our encouragement. That my 35 years of studying human development, how the brain learns to learn how we as humans acquire speech and language. Which then provides the platform, the possibility for us to think. To reason to contemplate, to problem solve, to build, to create, I mean, I'm blown away by. hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years of the architecture throughout this world. Just the pyramids alone, let alone, the Eiffel tower. How the heck did we humans do that? And so. I cannot look at this and study this and contemplate this day in and day out. And not believe that there's a higher power that created all of this, that we're connected. I to me, it's it can't be by chance because it's two stunning. And that's my personal take. That's, that's my perspective and where I stand in my truth. That's where my faith. Falls. And so with that in mind, Just consider the hundreds and thousands and millions of new moms. That have stood in your shoes, stood in your place long before us, right? That felt the same. Panic and overwhelm and joy and self doubt. And, and guilt for not knowing. That's how I always feel. It's like, oh my gosh. I should know this. But now, we can even simplify it and we can just look back a hundred years or 150 years ago where the vast majority of us lived in smaller villages, closer proximity of your mom and your aunts and your sisters and your grandmothers. Where there are a bunch of women or at least a good strong handful. Who were open and available to help and guide and direct you. And you didn't have. To figure it out on your own. You weren't literally and figuratively alone. when you had questions, you had someone directly. to ask or that you yourself. Grew up as a young, developing women finding and watching and helping other women. So you had a plethora of experience. We don't necessarily have that. Today in 2024. Currently. I didn't babysit because babies and toddlers and children. Scared me one. also what annoyed me. Right. And so, when we think back just a couple of hundred years ago where we had these smaller villages, but we could even go back further and say, wow. What about before that? Where we were literally nomads, right? We were all on survival mode. And how the heck. Did we know what to do then when perhaps our mothers. died early or in childbirth or any of that. And again, For me, I go back to, that's why I believe. In a higher design that our creator designed our babies. With some hardwired system. To help us. The two of us learn that dance that it doesn't take too, too long that the first several months is a lot of trial and error. And, and yet the baby is, is pretty pliable. Then. Right. I mean, unless we, you know, do something really, really stupid, like walk off a cliff or something. We survived. And so part of that ha hardwired system, then I've shared this. In the past, are those primal reflexes, right? That, that the baby, your newborn knows how to route. To help figure out how in the heck can I get nutrients, because we're in shock. After our delivery. but just the simple fact that if you touch your newborns cheek, he or she knows. Or the body knows what to do. That's hardwired. And, I've talked a lot about these reflexes and we're certainly going to talk more about them. I have a dear friend and colleague, uh, a chiropractor who. We'll come in the future and help. Answer some of those questions. but this hardwire system of the baby. And then our higher R our hardwire system to nurture and love and protect our baby. Then means that we can both finish the job outside of the womb. Right. We're both on survival mode in the very beginning. But it doesn't take a lot of this trial and error. To find the rhythm to this new dance, to this new role that we walked into. Right. And that's why I say I'm careful with my words, because I do know that babies and humans in general are very malleable. And yet I caution when people use the term oh, babies or children, or they're so resilient. Yeah. They are because at the end of the day, we're wired to survive. My goal here is to help all of us. Thrive. To grow into the best version of ourselves. And that doesn't mean that we're all equal in the same. And. An identical with strengths or weakness or interests or styles or temperaments or any of that, it just means. That we're wired to be. Our best selves. Given the opportunities and the experience and the love and the nurture and the, and the guidance through each and every one of these, these stages. So. I think God gave us this kind of flexibility in those first several years, honestly, to make some mistakes, right. if your baby misses a meal because of whatever. he's not necessarily going to just, fade away. there's going to be moments where we have to. create a different plan. but at the same time, it doesn't mean, and I talk about this a lot here. To just wing it or to wait and see, or that your baby will figure it out because they're malleable and they're resilient and all of these things. No, I think. As your baby's primary caretaker. Primary influencer the steward of his or her life. Then we have to step up and play our role. Right. And I think once us mamas once we've kind of recovered from that the birth experience and the, it can be from ease to, you know, total complications. I know that. But it means that. We. Rely on others for those first several weeks or whatnot, however long it takes us to physically recover. But it means that we then really learn how over time, because all of this is new. To show up to be intentional, to take and develop proactive steps. So that little one that beautiful bundle of joy, that gift from God. I can be his or her best. Now. Perfect. I'm never, ever suggesting. And there's no perfect answer. We just know by studying. Human development over the last, ever since we've been at least recording at the last couple of hundred years. That we know what can serve a healthy development. Better. Than other things, right. And so. My goal here is to always be honest and open and to step back and gain that 30,000 foot perspective. That our modern lifestyle. Because so many kids are struggling. So many families are on, to use a. Proverbial term on life support. Right. We're we're just making it from day to day, no matter what walk of life that this modern lifestyle has given us challenges that I don't think we are always honest with right. That I think it's better to be. more intentional with the roles that we play. And to perhaps go back to the basics. Let's think. Where were we? A hundred years ago. 150 years ago. Not that I want outhouses and no plumbing and no vacuum cleaners or. No, I love, love, love the advances that we've made, but I also think that. That we must be honest with. what's helping us. What's giving us some freedom, like the vacuum cleaner or the dishwasher, Or the washing machine and dryer and all of those things. But also what, what's. Interfering with our health and our wellbeing, our emotional growth. And our ability to connect and learn and use language and all of that. So one way that we can do that is by arming yourself with knowledge. Right. What's. What's healthy knowledge and what's kind of distorted knowledge, right? And how can we create over time? A healthy home rhythm, a healthy home environment and set. Realistic expectations. Both for yourself. As a new mom. And your little one. It means. How can we stay ahead? Before we get too close to the cliff, that proverbial cliff that I talk about that. That's what I saw decade after decade, more and more kids and families falling off that cliff. And then they're caught downstream, struggling to keep their head above water. Or perhaps we were competent enough as, as a culture and society to throw him some life jackets or to build them, you know, a lifeboat, but. We want those kids never to fall off that cliff or to perhaps fall and skin your knee. And that's it. So. my point behind all of this is that when we take on terms such as new mom imposter syndrome, That we can hide behind some of those labels. And. I want all of us moms, no matter what stage you're at to embrace this beautiful life transition. And I think it's probably one of the biggest ones that women have a privilege of stepping into. And I know in this modern day we have choices, but I'm speaking to the moms that, that whether you purposely or consciously chose your now a new mom, And that nothing to me is a mistake. And that it's important for all of us. To acknowledge that we don't know. What we're doing that first year and that you're learning on the job and it's okay to those feelings are incredibly valid. But I want to remain cognizant of them. Each and every day practically. so we don't let them weigh us down. So we don't take a more wait and see approach that we don't hand over our power literally, to the pediatrician who dismisses your gut instinct or to your friend down the street who, you know, Child didn't talk until they were three. and I've shared here before I've seen thousands of children. I've never met one of those. Never, there was always an underlying glitch in the system. Not to say that, you don't know one of those, but I've never met one. So the interesting thing is that. As I speak about how stepping into motherhood for the first time is probably the most dynamic transition will ever experience. The current. Research I E science. Suggest that it only takes four months and 23 days to adjust to motherhood. And when I read that in numerous citations, by the way, I just thought that that was so dang funny. Really. For months and 23 days, I think I was just barely. seeing the light of day at that time. And my, my baby, she was pretty easy going in the scheme of things, especially in that for 6, 8, 10, 12 months. But research also suggests that the hardest weeks for us moms are the first six to eight weeks. And then it implies that you should be good to go, right. That. The baby's figured out breastfeeding. Or perhaps there were glitches in the system and y'all decided that you needed to use a bottle and, you know, you figured it out, the baby is growing well enough, right. That. you're finding your quote unquote, new rhythm. But. In my opinion, that's just the beginning, those first three or four months. And I've, I've shared a lot here that those first three months is really when the baby, our babies. The way that they're designed. Is totally helpless. And really does Rely on us a thousand percent. And at the same time, the way that they come into this world. Is that it gives the us humans a lot of wiggle room to make mistakes. Whether it's, figuring out what he or she doesn't like about bathing and what, where, how they like to sleep and all of those millions and millions of questions that we're figuring out literally. Day by day by day. So. I think, the research is somewhat. Distorted or skewed when it says, those first six to eight weeks is the hardest period. Maybe for. the transition. I think the shock of it all. the reality, I, none of us really knew. Even if you babysat a thousand little babies as a teenager or a young adult until your child. That. Came into this world because of you. Is placed in your hands. You have no idea the overwhelm, right? you feel this, I know you feel this. And I've treated, worked with familiarized, myself with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of families throughout the year. The years and talked to, Hundreds more In, in conferences and workshops and all of this. And what I hear most often. 65 70 5% of the time. Is that the hardest season of being a mom? His toddlerhood that one year old to that three-year-old. Give or take of course. It's even more challenging than teens or pre-teens. For the vast majority of us, not all of us, you know, I, there are no absolutes in this life. But. I think we can figure out I mean, we're reasonable people. We can guess why those one to three years of age is the most difficult, right? Your baby is just beginning to be fully mobile. Right. They found their feet in some form or fashion. But they're completely ignorant of danger. They have no judgment, zero nada. And they're still incredibly unsteady of those feet that they found because the feet literally are growing and, To get feedback or neuro data from your feet to your head. That's a long way, even in a little baby. So the response time is off, right? If they're still wiring their system up. there's minimal understanding with our words, right? Hopefully. By 16, 18, 20 months. They understand. No. And stop. But their response time is off because one, they're not able to express themselves in any form or fashion that is reasonable. and they're simply intrigued by everything. And almost everyone again, with very little judgment because they don't have that cognitive wherewithal. And so they're predominantly impulsive and reactive. There's no real cognitive skill that they can rely on. Right. They can't really stop and think, oh, could this hurt me? If I play with this, Candle. Or if I stick this. Whatever in this light socket, or if I throw this glass down, can any of that, you know, I don't know. Cause trouble. They can't plan. The reason we can't reason with them, you know, this, they can't organize. Right. They're just curious. Reactive. And interested. And that's kind of a dangerous combination. Is exhausting. And yet there are elements if you really dig deep, like I have, because this is my. jam for the last 35, 40 years. Um, To understand how God wired us up. If we give our children the right opportunities and the right guidance with a little freedom. At the same time with a lots of supervision. And modeling and shaping. Then they could continue to grow and learn and buy 3, 4, 5, be a reasonable little person. And I say reasonable because it's, defined differently in different contexts, but a four year old. Can learn enough through your guidance to have some self-regulation, to be interesting and interested in his or her peer group, and then build friendships. To be. Um, understanding of other adults and how to change and modify their behavior, whether they're on the playground with peers and friends and classmates, or if there, ad. Uh, family party and they know how to navigate. Differently with the adults. A four year old given the right opportunity can do that. And so I'm always thinking about what are some of these hard wired things. That God gave us our, gave our toddlers to do that. That gives them the wherewithal to continue to grow and learn. To explore first through their mouth, right? Your best, what your baby and your young one-year-old does because their fine motor skills are underdeveloped. They can't really hold anything. Except with a big fat. Grip. They don't have the fine motor dexterity with their fingers to do fine motor things. So they put it in their mouth and they feel it. does it have any flavor? What's it feel like what's the shape. And getting data through that mouth, that tongue. And. They're also wired to be incredibly okay. With repetitive, boring actions so they can build those neurons. Right. Let's think about your kids when they're learning how to go up and down stairs. I remember my daughter going up and down the same two stairs. In our home. Uh, thousands of time till she figured out how to alternate her legs, her footing. Or opening and closing cupboard doors over and over again, or turning the lights on or off hundreds. If not thousands of times, it drives us crazy after the first 30 seconds. But with them. They're they're wired to do that, to build the automaticity, to build mastery. To build curiosity to explore. That's why we have to set up our environments to give them freedom, to explore without hurting themselves. and I've talked about here before, and I've shared about how, when your baby reaches six, seven months of age, that they're given by our creator. This flavor window that they're really, really open and receptive. If we give them the opportunities. Between six months and 1820, even all the way up to 24 months. That they'll try any old new food, right? It might take up to 15 trials to get them to say, oh, it's not that bad. I kinda like these carrots. Or I kind of like this chicken. But we have to give them a lot of opportunities to explore those, to taste them, but that flavor window is designed to help them. Transition from. The the bottle or the breast milk. To a healthy eating lifestyle. And then they're wired what to turn that off around 20, 24 months to protect them because that's when they become incredibly mobile. As we talked about. And that could be more dangerous if they start, eating shiny. Red berries or blueberries that could be poisonous where they start putting things that are more dangerous in their mouth. Because they don't have that. Discrimination. They don't understand danger. Or health or choking or any of those terms that we try to teach them? But at that time, so we're around their second birthday. they begin to to be not necessarily a picky eater. But a selective eater. And so given them that time to say, oh, okay, well, let me give you the choices that I know is healthy for you and good for you. And then you get to pick. And I've talked a lot about. Those stages and early development and how it's correlated with, social communication, right? Sharing the family meal together, as well as building oral motor skills. And you can look back. I'll have a link down below I'm in the previous episodes that I dive deep into those areas. But my main point here today is to remind us, to remind you. That becoming a new mom for the first time is naturally overwhelming. And I know this isn't mind-boggling news for you, but I want. I want you to embrace that uncertainty, right? To, to question your skills or, or thinking that you're ill equipped. Could be. Empowering. Because at the same time, your given that mother instinct. Which I think is very, very purposeful, very real. Especially during those first. Three to five years. But I think unfortunately, Our modern world hashes that, you know, dismisses your intuitive voice, that, that intuition is a God given gift. So you can stay in alignment in attunement, you can read your baby's needs. Right. So your baby and toddler comes pre-wired and you then. Are wired to him or her. And yeah, there's some wiggle room, right? Again, It's pretty. Lovely to know that. We can make mistakes, hundreds of mistakes and not do detrimental damage. But at the same time, give us grace to learn on the job. So it's not so much feeling like a fraud or an imposter, but it's just that overwhelming sense. Even when my child looks, happy or capable, Say you're going to a friend's house and your eight month old is. open to try new foods and they're all like, oh wow, that's so great. That Johnny is such a good eater. And you're thinking, oh my gosh, We have been having complete meltdowns each and every day. This is just a good day. Right. And that's where you feel like a fraud, like an imposter like this. he's putting. His best self forward out for you all to see. But day after day after day, I've been struggling. But I think the self doubt, this questioning can be a good thing. Because that's where you do seek advice. That's where you do hone your own skills to show up differently to try new things. And not just to cave into some modern conveniences, what I'm encouraging you to, do some, some soul searching here, rice. I said that self doubt can motivate you to take. Action right. To not just appease the moment, but to say, you know, I'm in this for the long haul. I'm not in it just to get out of diapers. We know that these next, three years, five years are constantly going to be coming at us. But I think it's important that wherever you are in this stage, that is not just about seeking information and to say, oh gosh, Aaron, that's nice, but it's about opening your heart, your soul, your mind, your spirit. To try new things. To say, yeah, this is uncomfortable. This is hard. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad. I can't remember. I think I just ordered this book, but I'll have the link down below. Cause I saw some really good reviews on motherhood about this book that hard doesn't mean that it's bad or something to that effect, but I'll have the link below, but I loved that. That concept. It's hard. Motherhood is hard. It's also joyful and loving and. Just mind-boggling, Breathtaking at times. I know this is, this is my personal take on a lot of this, but I want to share. What I've learned. Both as a mother and as a therapist, working with lots and lots of different moms and lots of, lots of different situations. If we are open to admitting that becoming a new mom means that your life will never be the same and that's okay. That it doesn't mean that your old self. gets thrown out in the trash. that's not what happened when you went off to college, right? You D you took that 18 year old. And you continue to grow and learn. And hone her, Uniqueness, her beauty. Whose soul her spirit. Her consciousness. And when you stepped into a new job for the first time. That you felt unqualified for doing that didn't mean that, the 20 something. Or even the 30 something. Didn't show up. Wasn't important. and I've shared this a lot with, with young adults or teenagers over the years is that, When we get a promotion in any reasonable job situation, it's not because you already have the skills to do the job. It's because your supervisor sees the potential of you learning. And building and honing those skills to rise above it. So I think it's really important that we take those mindsets, those concepts. And apply it to motherhood because I think that's one, the most important job any of us could have and to the biggest transitional experience life force that we also. Are blessed and privileged to experience. And to bring this all back home. I just want you to understand that. You're not inadequate for not knowing a whole heck of a lot, those first couple of years, I'm always encouraging new moms and. Moms even, the second or third time around, but that third child is different than that first two. To really. Arm yourself with knowledge, continue to ask questions, to seek multiple opinions. And then, like I said, To discern that or to filter that against your own. Intuition. This journey is a process and you will make mistakes. We're supposed to make mistakes. Because that's where true learning happens. That's how the brain that I've studied for umpteen years. Learns. When we do. The same thing. Well, over and over again, we're just reinforcing that we're building automaticity, we're building mastery, but when we make mistakes, that's when the brain adapts that's when they're changes that literally the neurons. Kind of wake up and say, oh, that's something different. Is that good, bad or indifferent? And you adjust. And so when we make mistakes, that's when real learning occurs. So the takeaway here is to focus on where you are on this journey today. Now. And where your next step is not, 18 months from now or three years from now, or even six months ago. Where are you? Today. And where's the next best step you're heading. And by the way, I hope you understand that no one expects new moms or any mom for that matter to memorize all of these milestones and what your child needs and when he, or she needs it. I still reference books and notes and my papers and my journals. All the time. And so keep that in mind that. None of this is supposed to be stored in your, brain forever. it's where you are today. And what's most important today. So for this week, I want you to check in with yourself. How are you truly, truly feeling? Do you feel like a fraud and imposter? Do you feel like you're just winging it and you're going by with your fingers crossed. Or. Are you listening to your mother's intuition? Don't deny it. I want you to really listen. That voice is whispering. More than you're always willing to hear. I think. But that's the best place to start. And you might not have the answers. But it will help you focus on what's important from, what's not so important. I believe. That God gave us that intuition for lots of reasons, right. That intuition, when we're walking down the street and a car drives by and it's getting kind of dark and there's not a lot of people and you're like, Hmm, this doesn't feel safe. Listen to that voice to. Right. But that intuition is a gift to protect yourself and your baby, your relationship. You were picked to be his or her steward. Primary love and guide. First influencer first teacher. You're it. And I know sometimes we feel like. I don't want this power. I don't, I don't want that much responsibility. But we stepped into it. Uh, whether it was conscious or subconscious, we have it, we can do it. You can do it. And so for 2024, Just as a reminder, I'm doing kind of the toe, right? The T O E one. What's your time together, everyday activities. And then all of those purposeful play are you building engagement, building connection. Building curiosity, no matter where you are in these first three years. Time spend quality time together. The oh, to get outside. Change of environments are huge. Nature is huge. Get out from our modern indoor living. And, and take a break, go outside, play in the grass, get dirty, play in the snow. Go for a walk, go for a swim. Wherever you live in this world. Five minutes, 10 minutes. Change the environment. And then. The E is to eat together, To help them no matter where they are on this continuum to exploring their first foods, to helping them expand their chewing capabilities, to learning how to drink from an open cup and not a sippy cup, that's in the future too. But to really look at the quality time together, getting outside and then really building. Shared meals and a healthy relationship with food. That's our 2024. mantra. So God bless you. and thanks for spending time with me. I know that your little one is so excited to see what's in store, right. Have fun.