Your Ego Is Stopping You

What if the very essence of who you are gets lost amidst societal pressures and judgment? Join Kirstie and Deja as they tackle this thought-provoking question by exploring the theme of authenticity and self-expression. We share personal stories from individuals in the hood aspiring to be artists, but who face the fear of judgment, and discuss how staying true to oneself can be transformative. We also touch on the profound impact of changing our appearances and how it shifts others' perceptions, emphasizing the importance of maintaining our core identities.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

take the mask off facts take the mask off.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Take that mask right now. Take it off right now.

Speaker 1: 0:09

Trot away you know how much hood niggas is out there in the hood and they want to be artists, not just rappers, but actual painters and stuff and sculptors. And they're scared because they don't want to be judged by their friends and their neighbors and people they grew up with and they don't want to step out the green and they don't want to be different, they don't want to stand out. So they just doing a bunch of hood rat activities just to fit in.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Yep, what she said. What she said. Thank you, it's tea time. It's tea time. It's tea time. That shit is not hot.

Speaker 1: 1:38

It's tea time today we're sipping on lavender chamomile lavender and chamomile.

Speaker 2: 1:51

It's very them. You want to cheers that cheers tea time. That was pretty good data. It's pretty good. Yeah, I think we're at that place now where our tea time it's just becoming this amazing routine. It is it is.

Speaker 1: 2:18

It's just like a way to unwind, and if you're listening to this and just make yourself a cup of tea, unwind and just enjoy yourself.

Speaker 2: 2:29

Enjoy yourself, I think, kick back, relax, you know, grab a blanket, grab a blanket, literally grab a blanket. Girl, whether you're listening to this in your airpods, your headphones, or you just listen to it on your laptop or on your tv and youtube, it's just amazing to listen and be present with us.

Speaker 1: 2:49

Yeah, that's all we're asking. Like it's such a chaotic world right now, so many distractions, and we're not telling you what to do, but we're encouraging you to just be present with us in this moment and just be grateful for, like, where you are right now. Today, we're going to be talking about authenticity.

Speaker 2: 3:06

We're going to be talking about being yourself in a world that promotes us not to be ourselves in a world correct, I think, in a world that's suffering with an identity crisis, when it's telling you to be something that you're you're not, and taking on identities that has nothing to do with you, because it's what's being pushed in every direction so, yeah, I spoke about this before.

Speaker 1: 3:33

Authenticity, back with um kamal x, and I think this is going to be a whole new perspective because it's us, it's tea time, it's tea time. So, yeah, I just I love this sisterhood that we've built, that we're building and we've built so far, because I feel like we can truly be ourselves around each other, and not a lot of people could say that yeah. Some people are not even themselves around people they've known for 10 plus years, that's true.

Speaker 2: 4:10

I think what happens with that is there's a fear of whether is this person going to accept me, and when you're not delivered from the fear of man or the fear of people, it's going to be very hard for you to go into a room and be yourself.

Speaker 2: 4:25

Yes, and because you know, obviously life is about perception and you know all of those things and how you show yourself in the world, which I think, to a certain degree, because we talked about, like, when you go out in public being dressed a certain way, you know.

Speaker 2: 4:41

So there is perception, right, there is certain things that we do have to be mindful of and you say, okay, you know you have rules, because it can't just be a free for all and, oh yeah, just do whatever you want. Um, no, like, there is still rules in the world, there's still things that we follow by and the, the system that the world operates under, it's still gonna judge you if you go out there and wear something absolutely off compared to what you would normally wear and I'm not talking just about fashion statement, I'm talking about, for example, like, if you're going for a job interview, you're gonna want to pull out the best in your wardrobe, you're gonna want to show up the best, so that's what I mean. I'm not talking about just like a casual day to the supermarket or whatever the case may be, yeah, but I'm just talking about like something like that you want to dress your best, so that's a perception that they'll have of you.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Okay, we're getting into perceptions. I think that perception is everything in this day and age. I think that's how people are going to interact with you is based off the perception they have with you. People are going to interact with you is based off the perception they have with you there. If you aren't dressed well, people aren't going to treat you and like as compared to as if you're dressed in sweats or you're dressed in a suit and tie or you're dressed in a nice dress, the way people interact with you is going to be very different and I think that has been heightened due to social media and other people constantly having that ability to perceive you. Perception is really can make or break you in this day and age.

Speaker 2: 6:17

I I 100% agree with you that it can make or break you. I think there's some people, though, that go against the grain. Um, I would say there was a period in's some people, though, that go against the grain. Um, I would see there was a period in my life where I completely went against the green. I um dyed my hair hot pink. I um kind of wore whatever I wanted to wear, and in the middle of that it changed.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Like people's attitude towards me changed, their perception of me changed. People thought that I was probably going crazy. You know, there was a lot of things when it there. There's still a correlation with mood when a woman starts to change things up, right, but I'm not crazy, I'm still sane. But the perception that that gave off of me was, oh my gosh, she's losing it, you know, and it was just so amazing for that time to see, kind of, what people feel in that moment. And then, as well as, like with the tattoos, I get judged um based off of them, like I get judged heavily for them. So what I've kind of done is I've made a name for myself and I've accepted who I am and, whether people like me or not, I still show up.

Speaker 1: 7:27

First impressions right. When you first meet somebody, they don't show you their true colors until two to three months down the line you can't really like. When they are truly themselves, they have to basically manipulate themselves into like a more likable version of themselves to be perceived A chameleon. Is that even authenticity if you have to constantly go into thinking about how other people are going to perceive you?

Speaker 2: 8:12

to address that question. I think I'll kind of do it in two parts. I'll do it in a part of know your audience as in, obviously, an interview, work social, there's certain rules for certain places that you go. I wouldn't like, let me not use the rules. There are certain things that you just know common sense, that you just know Out of work function. You don't get blasted drunk because your boss is there, right. You don't do certain things or behave a certain way there is there, right. You don't do certain things or behave a certain way there if you're like very goofy or over the top or certain jokes, or you love politics or other things like that you just know that that's not an environment that you bring it up.

Speaker 2: 8:53

That's a part of who you are, because there's a lot of things that you um do, but you know that it's discernment. It's discernment. It's not an environment that's safe for you to share it versus likable now is I'm not someone that likes to interact with certain people, but because it's a work event, I'm gonna go over there and pretend like me and this person are friends and like strike up conversations with them. I'm not gonna do that because I don't need to be likable, because then, for example, like where I used to work, um, they used to complain for with some of the persons and be like well, you know, you guys came to the social and you weren't like trying to like you know um interact with the higher ups or you weren't trying to. You know market yourself and do all the other

Speaker 2: 9:35

stuff, network, when it's like okay, um, I work here. I'm comfortable not to say that I need to like, I weigh things out like do I really need to do this? Will like, for example, if I'm in a marketing position, yeah, I need to go and do it, but if it's something that not, that's not who I am. I'm not someone that go and try to like, make friends with people that I I don't really how can I say it? Like I don't have shallow talk. So I don't know how to go and have shallow talk with someone just to be likable.

Speaker 2: 10:07

There's people that will go and have those shallow talks and build those relationships, which is great, but deep down inside, if that person was to ever know who they really were, they're not going to like them, right? So they've gone over there to talk to this person trying to be likable and it's like they don't even like you. They're not even you know you and them have nothing in common, all in the sake of oh, I've built a connection, and it's like is that connection really real? Or is that connection like a LinkedIn connection? Because LinkedIn connections it's yeah. Yeah, they're a bit it's shallow.

Speaker 1: 10:46

It is, yeah, shallow, it is, yeah, it is.

Speaker 2: 10:47

it's like what can you get me? What can you give me, yeah, what can you give me? And it's okay, it's a linkedin connection and that's what I like to call. Certain type of connections in life I'd be like oh yeah, that's just a linkedin connection that's a good yeah, I never thought about it like that.

Speaker 1: 11:00

But okay, I want to get into social media too. Perception is like the main component of social media right now how people are seeing you, how you are putting yourself out to others and I think a lot of people don't give social media enough credit for the way that these people have studied psychology. They have mastered how to psychologically manipulate people. For instance, when you think about, like, the whole cycle of perception, we perceive things based on what we've been through. We perceive things through the lens of our past experiences and how far we've gotten in life, really, how much healed we are compared to how damaged we are. That's how we perceive things from a lens of, and social media understands. Something that a lot of people don't aren't even conscious of is that these algorithms are basically repeating back to you what you want to perceive.

Speaker 2: 12:18

Yeah, and it's feeding things to you. Yeah, it's like feeding your mind and you're like, oh my gosh, how did it know?

Speaker 1: 12:27

And this age of over analysis of being perceived. How do you think that plays a role into our mental health?

Speaker 2: 12:37

Wow, that is just. That's a superb question, like over analysis, because I have been doing that since social media. I have been over analyzing almost everything. I don't know if you've ever seen like this. It's a real, like a meme type of thing where, like it shows a woman and she's like computing, like you see all these algebra and all these other stuff, and she's competing I know she's putting two and two together and I think yeah, like that's, that's another thing.

Speaker 2: 13:04

Again, social media, right, and you start to add things up and it's like why don't you just kind of let a situation be? So I would say social media has caused people to overanalyze things, obviously in the context of their own lives. Um, a mom that goes to work obviously I transitioned out to being a stay-at-home mom. Yeah, a mom that goes to work may see my content, because I'm home with my son now and she may feel like she's not adequate and she's not doing the right things. Um, and she may feel like she's failing and because she feels like she's failing, she may, um, feel some type of way towards me and that haven't actually done her anything you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 13:45

That goes back to past experiences and traumas insecurities even plays into that how you perceive things, then that's a complete insecurity right there.

Speaker 2: 13:54

But I'm cognizant of the fact that posting something like that on social media will spark admiration for some and be for others, and it will spark insecurities in persons who may not be able to afford to do certain things social media first started right, people weren't didn't really care about how they were being perceived on social media.

Speaker 1: 14:15

Therefore, they were doing what truly made their soul happy, what truly made them, what they wanted to post. They wanted to post a food, they was posting a food. If they wanted to post a silly, they was posting a food. If they wanted to post a silly face, they was posting a silly face.

Speaker 1: 14:26

What I find now, 2024, social media people delete and stuff. People delete and stuff. They don't want others to see their cycle, analyzing themselves and others, and it's draining. It's no longer fun anymore. It feels as if everybody's just scared to be themselves and if they're showing too much personality and they don't obtain the image that they want their audience to have of them, it kind of makes them anxious and like oh my god, let me delete this. I don't want nobody to think I'm this. I don't want nobody to think like that. And it has shifted this fun, lighthearted social media into a culture where everybody is just very superficial one and nobody wants to be themselves. It doesn't encourage people to be authentic social media. Social media has become a space where authenticity because authenticity isn't rewarded as much as superficial stuff everybody becomes a carbon copy of each other, and they're trying to play with the algorithm in a way where they just sound like something they heard and it's trendy.

Speaker 2: 15:38

A hundred percent, and it's like it goes back to your values and your beliefs. What are your values and your beliefs? And that is going to drive your behavior, and what we're seeing now is a lot of people are throwing their beliefs and values through the door. And because they're throwing their beliefs and their values through the door and they don't have a foundation to stand on, they're going to go on sinking sand. And when they go on sinking sand, what are they going to do? They're going to sink. So, in other words words, anything that comes around that looks good, anything that catches the eye, they're gonna jump for it. And that's the same thing with your algorithm, your content. Whatever you start to search up the most of, or whatever you start to like more of, that's what's gonna come in your feed.

Speaker 2: 16:20

I like traditional mom stuff. That's something that inspired me, and I can say that Instagram was what really helped me make the jump, and that's because I started to see other moms that were stressed out make the leap as well. As. Obviously, I'm not married. These, a lot of these women are married and, like one of the conservative commentators, he was like listen, traditional wife has always been a thing. You know, there's this trend now trad wives and all every woman wants to do it now, even women that were all big miss, independent. They're like, oh my gosh, maybe you could do that.

Speaker 2: 16:56

So that is the power of media. That is the power of, um, people latching on to an idea because social media has pushed it out there, whereas now you may be a mom that you're an awesome mom, you're great, but you love to work. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to work and you know, maybe you choose a nanny or however you balance your time with your kids and for that mom, it can make her feel some type of way, yeah, and then she may start to push off, you know, maybe her career and all that stuff, when it's like, um, sweetheart, this is a real big task if you want to jump into that just because you saw it on social media, when your true authentic says you like being a lawyer or you like doing this or you like being a fashion designer, you like traveling for work and all of that stuff and it's like who are we living to please?

Speaker 1: 17:50

you know what I mean 100. Who are we really living to please, like if something genuinely makes you happy, if you like making silly faces all day and you want to post it and it's not trending. It's like we've built this climate where people don't even want to make silly faces anymore and post it.

Speaker 2: 18:14

A hundred percent and it go back to, but that's what goes viral. That's what goes viral, but it's not what goes viral, but it's what people gravitate towards.

Speaker 1: 18:24

I'm not going to say it goes viral.

Speaker 2: 18:25

Because it's happy. It shows happiness in a picture. It shows joy in a picture. It shows I don't care, I can be silly too.

Speaker 1: 18:32

And people could detect when you're being fake.

Speaker 2: 18:35

They can. Yeah, because you're normally more manipulative when you're being fake, because it's like what do you want? But I feel like in this day and age, a lot of people have become better at deceiving and deception I completely agree that deception has increased, and I think that that's why, as deception increased, discernment should increase just as much. Yeah you're good at discernment oh, thank you, I think it's a gift I'm not, I'm just, I'll be like falling for anything.

Speaker 1: 19:06

And she'll be like do you not see like that's a fake page hanging you up right now? And I'll be like it is.

Speaker 2: 19:12

I think it'll come with time and experience. I think, for myself, the discernment has come with experience. For me, um, as the time goes by and as years go by, you know, as you get older and just experiencing certain like stuff, you become more discerning, um, you become more careful of your choices, as well as you become more careful of where you invest your time and who you invest your time in. Um, so that's where my discernment start to, like, pick up. And you know another thing I'm going say we talked about psychoanalyzing. Because of social media and scrutiny, everyone has now think they have their PhD in psychology because you can't tell me that.

Speaker 2: 19:52

I don't have a PhD in psychology, so I say that, to say that everyone is psychoanalyzing. So I psychoanalyze people. I don't do it purposefully, it's natural. It's just natural for me.

Speaker 1: 20:06

And social media played a huge part, of course yeah, I feel like we've all, like you said, have become our own, our own renowned, just psycho, psychologist, because that's what the climate has forced us to become. Yeah, it's forced us to just oh my god, he's cute girl. Tell me if he look like he a serial killer or not. You know what?

Speaker 2: 20:33

I mean so funny, it's so true, but in a way it's very dangerous because what you'll do is there'll be it's good and bad. Right, because there's certain things that you can pick up on. But, for example, if someone was to psychoanalyze me based on how I look, they would miss out on a very awesome woman. Yeah, that's true, they would miss out on a sorry, I just gotta toot my horn, but they would miss like. I like. I like traditional men, toot it, I like traditional men Toot, toot, toot, toot Tea time.

Speaker 2: 21:03

I like traditional men, men that have traditional values, and a traditional guy would probably see me and say she looks wild. She does not look like she would want to stay home. She does not look like if I tell her to do this, this, this and this, she'll take it as orders rather than a way to you know, please. Yeah, so they would stereotype. And again, social media psychoanalyzing. Just, you know, programming, the way we've been taught.

Speaker 2: 21:35

So I say that to say we can miss out on some people sometime, but with that type of, if our discernment isn't wise, if we don't give people a chance because I think sometimes we can cut people off before we've actually given them a chance and it's like once you have boundaries you shouldn't worry, like this person isn't coming into my house, this person isn't around my child or this person isn't in my space, so you set up boundaries on okay, you can't come here until you almost like pass a test type of thing, until you've checked certain boxes to say I can trust you enough to let you in on this side of my life yeah, this, this moment, keeps like popping up in my mind, when we were coming from that concert the Christian concert, brandon Lake concert and we were coming back home in the Uber and I felt, I felt very comforted when I stepped in that Uber because they were playing gospel music and it was, like you know, like Victor Victor Thompson type kind of gospel.

Speaker 1: 22:40

So it was like, like you know, a lot of affirmation. I felt at peace when I walked into Uber and the guy immediately changes it to hip hop station, talking about just sexy, red and stuff, and it was like he stereotyped us, right, that's basically what he did. He perceived us to be young Black women that liked hip-hop and I know Kirstie shocked him because she was like no, you got to turn, like can you change your back? Can you change your back? And he felt comfortable to be himself. And I feel like that is just a focal point of where we've got gotten as a society, where people are just trying to like test the waters and hide who they really are and like change and manipulate themselves to try to please others. It's rare you find somebody that will keep that christian song on because they genuinely like it Exactly.

Speaker 2: 23:42

And it's like I don't care what you like, this is the music that I'm going to play and this is what I like. So if you come up in here and you want to listen to your boom, boom, boom, this is my Uber and I ain't playing no, boom, boom, boom for you. You're going to listen to some Jesus music because you probably need it, right. So sorry, this music because you probably need it, right. So sorry, just no, that's true. I um, I really think that you also create an atmosphere anywhere you go, and one of the things that I have learned to be pro at is creating atmospheres and creating safe spaces. And I say that to say immediately, because I'm very attuned to my environment. Immediately I picked up that he stereotyped us. Yeah, for sure, and instead of being like obviously, like rude or whatever the case may be, because there was no need to be rude at all, no, you know, but I'm just saying so that's what he thought we like.

Speaker 1: 24:36

He thought it was a friday night. He thought we were ready to shake some.

Speaker 2: 24:41

Exactly, he was thinking that for sure. And we shocked him because we were like no, please put that back on. And even at a moment in the drive he started to sing along to some of the song and I was like, yes, that's beautiful. Worship God. Listen to your music. We're here just talking and enjoying, know, enjoying the uber but it takes courage.

Speaker 1: 25:04

We can't, we can't deny it takes a lot of courage to even set the atmosphere, because some people see that, see that as a threat. Like who are you to command a room the way you do? I don't have the courage to do that, so now I'm gonna make you feel scared to be yourself cause I'm insecure.

Speaker 2: 25:28

Deja thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying that you're welcome. It's tea time.

Speaker 2: 25:35

It's tea time cause I'm about to go in so to address that the who are you it's tea time because I'm about to go in so to address that, the who are you? When I became comfortable with myself and when I became comfortable with God and who I am in him, I will literally get up on a platform in front of the entire world and say jesus christ is lord, even if it's like, literally, to a group of satanists that's about to behead me. After saying that and that's why I am unapologetic I will walk into a room and command the atmosphere because, at the end of the day, I do believe that you carry the holy Spirit with you, you carry peace with you wherever you go. So if I go into an environment that's very chaotic, whether it's a home, whether it's anything that's very chaotic and I've been given the authority to do so, I'm not. You know, I'm learning authority and I'm learning not to overstep people's boundary. But when I see a situation, it can either be diffused, like when it's escalated, and it can be diffused and it's with someone that I love. I'm not just going to be some superhero, but I say that to say In that moment it was an opportunity in that car and I used that to set the atmosphere and was like look, you already had a wonderful atmosphere.

Speaker 2: 27:02

On your drive to us to pick us up, you were playing your gospel music and put it back, because I don't want to hear this foolishness though. I just want peace on the drive home, because we already were coming out of a very amazing worship atmosphere. We wanted to continue worshiping straight home and for him this is late at night, right?

Speaker 1: 27:25

on a friday. Yeah, it's late at night on a saturday.

Speaker 2: 27:28

I think yeah, you already know what's going on on weekend nights. Yeah all my ubers yeah at that time because like minutes to midnight yeah most ubers booty call, dropping them out to the club, picking them up from the club to drop them back somewhere, yeah, you know. So he was like I'm working, probably wife home, with the kids whatever the kids may be, we don't know, we're just trying it out there and he would just listen to his worship music. So it's kind of sad to know that. I guess it's because it's new york.

Speaker 2: 28:02

He'd have been like oh, these are two girls two young girls, two young girls, who knows what he was thinking in his head, that we were, you know, and he was like, oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 28:12

And then he changed it right, because he didn't have much conversations and when we left, you know, we told him god bless you, and so forth, when we left the uber.

Speaker 2: 28:20

And it's like other christians need to know that you do not have to be afraid of your faith, you do not have to be afraid to blast your worship music, you do not have to be afraid to read your Bible or even quote your Bible verses, because we're in the last days, and I shared this on the first one and I'll share it again If you deny me, jesus said, said if you deny me before men, I will deny you before the father, and I think that's a very powerful statement that I've always held to and as a result of that, I am very courageous and bold and I believe that everyone can be courageous and bold once they walk in authenticity. And courageous and bold doesn't mean loud. I want to clarify that because loud and boy stress or whatever it may be, that's just my personality. You are courageous and bold, deja, in your way, in the way that you are right.

Speaker 1: 29:15

You shared about playing um worship music yeah, I play worship music at my job. Yeah, out loud on the speakers, and I do it like every morning I'll come in and you think I care. I can care less. I've had customers come up to me like can you please turn that down, can you please turn that off? Even Wow. And it's like, first of all that whole, it's a black owned establishment, the way they perceive that establishment alone. They feel comfortable to even say that to me. That is the honest truth, because if there was a white establishment, a five star establishment, they would have never felt comfortable to approach me in that manner. They would have listened to whatever played out those speakers. It's just because I'm young and I know myself, people try to test it, they try to test it, and especially when you're playing worship music, that caused a lot of people to have mixed feelings about it, because some people aren't comfortable with their faith. They're not and they reflect it and they're not comfortable with your faith as well as they are.

Speaker 2: 30:31

To be honest, let's just be clear. I feel like it. It starts to route demons in them, yeah, and they just start to want to manifest and want to attack you for it, and I think you cannot go to a halal store, or you cannot. You can't mess with the Muslims, so leave the Christians alone.

Speaker 1: 30:47

That's what I'm saying, you know, and I respect them If they're playing their. Don't cancel me Exactly.

Speaker 2: 30:54

Y'all not telling them to turn it down Exactly and rightfully so, because it's like, even as a christian I have a lot of respect for them. If I go in their store, or whatever case may be, I'm not gonna go in there and pick an argument and say, oh yeah, jesus, is this muhammad, is that?

Speaker 1: 31:08

yeah, I'm not gonna do that because that's disrespectful why do? You think people have found have become so comfortable with bashing christianity because it's?

Speaker 2: 31:19

the times that we're in and I know that that is a very high-level way of putting it, I think because, okay, if it's been everyone, it's given Sodom and Gomorrah. No, I wouldn't say Sodom and Gomorrah, because Sodom and Gomorrah is a little bit more of more to do with like sexuality and all that stuff.

Speaker 1: 31:37

No but no, but it came.

Speaker 2: 31:43

It had to do with him setting a city on fire because they were just doing whatever. That's what it has to do, yeah, but I would say I would describe it more of the days of noah okay, okay, yeah, yeah the days of noah, when, when he did the flood, because that was things like sodom and gomorrah, plus more. Yeah, yeah, right, and I would say it's an era where they hate anything that has to do with structure and order and positivity and light and betterment light is very important to say.

Speaker 2: 32:16

They hate the light right. And Jesus said that the world never liked me. So why do you expect that they're gonna like you like? Why do you think that life is gonna be so hunker door for you? And they didn't like me? And that's the true walk of a christian. It is not rainbows and butterflies, it's knowing that you have this reward, this amazing reward, from him in eternity as well, as you're going to spend that time with him and you know what he has done for you. So, regardless of what is thrown at you, continue to be who he needs you to be, and that's where you have no fear to walk in authenticity.

Speaker 1: 32:56

And it's not easy walking in authenticity. That's why so many people don't do it. It's actually easier to be well, it depends on what lens you look from it. It depends, it depends. But I see why people don't walk in authenticity Because I've been, my character has been, I've been attacked for walking in my authenticity, questioned about my sanity. Even because people have become so, they have normalized average right to the point where I'm doing something that I will consider average and then somebody's like oh no, you're doing too much. You know, like I want to record my podcast, I'm doing too much. You know what I mean. Like some people, their average isn't your average isn't your average and they try to dim your light when they see you doing things that are above average. So it's like it's threatening to them. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 34:12

It's 100% threatening to them and I think, like I said, it goes back to when God delivers you from the fear of man, you start to not care. Like, literally, literally they will. They will label you as a narcissist when you stop caring.

Speaker 1: 34:29

And that's why it's so interesting to analyze kanye west also, because I remember he was on this interview with jimmy fallon. Yeah, he was on the interview with Jimmy Fallon and he says something along the lines like society will clap and cheer or even laugh if they see a child get on a table and say something like I'm the greatest ever. Get on a coffee table and say I'm the greatest ever. Get on a coffee table and say I'm the greatest ever. But if a grown person does the same thing, you're going to get shunned and ridiculed and told to be quiet. So I genuinely believe we have been socially engineered to, as we get older, to leave our authenticity in our childhood Completely.

Speaker 2: 35:29

Completely, completely, and I like that analogy and I thank you for bringing that up, because that ties in perfectly with what we're saying Because there are some people that they want to go skydiving, they want to do all of this stuff, and they will speak fair into your plans, knowing well that they would love to be given that opportunity to do all of this stuff.

Speaker 2: 35:47

And they will speak fair into your plans, knowing well that they would love to be given that opportunity to do the same thing too, or they would love to move away, but because of whatever reason, they can't. So they're gonna project their fear on you and it's like they want to do a lot of things and it's like, okay then. Well, I sat down at one point in time and wanted to do all these things and I didn't do it, but now I got up and I did it. Right, it's like you can do it too. And instead of looking at other people as encouragement, a lot of people are looking at people with envy, rather than saying, oh my gosh, that person is so inspiring. There's going to be people that, trust me, you're even inspiring your haters. I can tell you that.

Speaker 1: 36:24

That's why they're watching you.

Speaker 2: 36:32

And your haters.

Speaker 2: 36:33

I can tell you that that's why they're watching you and that's why they're acting like you're not doing what you're doing too exactly.

Speaker 2: 36:35

And once you're, once you get to a place where, like you genuinely don't care and you just have tunnel vision, you start to move super fast. Yeah, because you're focused like a laser sharp focus on what you have to do, as well as like how I do it, and I think it's maybe a way to protect my brain, because what I experienced back home was like severe character assassination, and when I experienced character assassination in a very small island, it affected the way that I perceived myself, because I kept feeling like every person that looked at me, um was looking at me through the lens of what was posted about me on social media, and I had to recover from that. Like I had to put down my social media pages for some time. And when I recovered from that, I am thriving now and, best believe me, I'm never going back into isolation and I don't care what I'll say sheep. I don't care what sheep has to say about me, because lions don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Speaker 1: 37:34

It's crazy, because that can really make you lose yourself. Defamation of character is what the legal system calls it. Defamation of character is what the legal system calls it. Yeah, it's when you are lied about and your whole persona is manipulated and people start to look at you as the villain. Yeah, and you kind of walk around with a wounded sense of self, yeah, and you feel like everybody around you is looking at that wounded version of you.

Speaker 1: 38:08

Yeah, and it feel like everybody around you is looking at that wounded version of you yeah, and it's all in your head and it really kind of trips you out sometimes because it's like you don't know how to even. Well, you do know. But it's harder now for you to hold on to that authentic self, because your reality is now manifesting, based off the way people are perceiving you, because everything in your mind manifests and in your mind you're thinking oh my god, I'm wounded, everybody looking at me like I'm this and I'm that, and everybody believe in the comments, and then you're moving off of that now a hundred percent and you literally give in to what they try to accomplish exactly give in to what they want by doing that.

Speaker 2: 38:57

And I think the most power that you can get in a situation like that and it's going to be the hardest thing to say, but the most power that you can get in a situation like that is to completely ignore and pretend like they don't even exist, yeah, and you just continue moving and living and when people bring it up to be like, oh, oh, my goodness, that water off my back and you just keep going and I think that's how I've moved forward as well, as I can say that there's still a lot of hurt there because it was so personal in nature. But for me now it has motivated me. It has given me so much motivation to achieve and to do everything that I want to do. And I am more authentic now than I was before because of that experience. Authentic now than I was before.

Speaker 1: 39:52

Because of that experience I'm like oh yeah, there is nothing you can do to me that can break me after that it's to the point where I don't know if you feel like this, but like as people perceive me in a negative light, I don't even argue with them, yeah it's like I'm like yep you right and then keep moving like, because it's a waste of energy, it's a waste of breath and they have already set in their mind how they want to perceive you and interact with you, so let them have it, let that.

Speaker 2: 40:20

That's not your job to fix it that is it, and how I look at it is like, okay, okay. Does this person pay my bill? Does this person lay down next to me at night? Is this person within my circle of friends and family? No, so okay. And even with friends and family, because there are some times that you know friends and family can have certain perceptions, or you find out certain things that are not the greatest and you're just like, well, I, I am, we all have flaws.

Speaker 1: 40:52

they have flaws too, and I'm working on mine, you guys, anybody doing teas, they wanna, they wanna you know anyone that's doing teas, have mugs?

Speaker 2: 41:03

any of the above, please do let us know. We will definitely promote your stuff on tea time. It's tea time, it's tea time, it's tea time. Deja, any last words?

Speaker 1: 41:15

um, thank you. Thank you for anyone who's out there who's watching this and they feel like they really freely need to just realign themselves and get back to who they were. This is just a confirmation that you are on the right track. You listen to the end of the episode and listen to the end of this episode. You could have been doing anything right now and you listen to the end of this episode. It's just confirmation that you are doing what everything you need to do right now to get better, because this is not just for purely entertainment.

Speaker 2: 42:07

This is also for enlightenment yeah, I, I agree with you, deja, on that, and I'll end by saying that thank you for being authentic and I'm speaking it into being, even if you're not and I hope that you're convicted after this video, if you're not and I hope that it will give you some form of inspiration to do that thing that you want to do. You used to ride bike and used to like riding bicycle, but you may feel now you may be a guy and you may feel like I'm a dad, I'm busy, I'm this, I'm not make the time go ride a bicycle.

Speaker 1: 42:44

Go ride a bicycle with your kid you know, it doesn't matter what your friends are doing and what everybody around, exactly do it because it makes you happy. Exactly it's cool to be you so cool to be, yeah, bring back being yourself, that's bring it back.

Speaker 2: 43:00

Bring it back. It is super cool and I think it's needed. Right, it's needed. And not only that, you will be feeling so much better. You'll be like, wow, I haven't done that in so long. Take the mask off. Facts Take the mask off, take that mask.

Speaker 1: 43:20

Take it off right now.

Speaker 2: 43:21

Take it off right now. Throw it away.

Speaker 1: 43:23

You know how much hood niggas is out there in the hood and they want to be artists, not just rappers, but actual painters and stuff and sculptors. And they're scared because they don't want to be judged by their friends and their neighbors and people they grew up with and they don't want to step out the green and they don't want to be different, they don't want to stand out so they just doing a bunch of hood rat activities just to fit in yeah, what she said, what she said, she just went off, but yeah, that's, that's needed.

Speaker 2: 43:50

I hope y'all take that and make that something, because the world is waiting on you to show up, because there's someone in the world that you're gonna change their life. I'm telling you just by, and you'll be amazed by one little action, because we posted one little video riding in the park and that impacted a lot of people that saw it and they're like, wow, I wish I could do that and that's very simple and very simple. Yep, be yourself, be yours. Everybody else is taken, everybody else has taken, and love who God created you to be, not who anyone else wants you to be, and, as well as the confusion of this world, allow yourself to be who god created you and designed you to be. This is tea time with deja and christine on mind over matter podcast.