TTM#9 BELIEVING ON PURPOSE by Eleonora Gendelman
You are listening to me talking to myself. Welcome to the podcast where I share some useful
tools, insights, and questions to make us feel more peaceful, more present, more connected
and empowered to create.
Everything starts with a thought. If we do not think on purpose, we will not create anything
purposeful. Everything that has ever been created by humans in the world has been created
with a thought first. The first step is to become aware of what we are thinking. Awareness is
always the first step to change. The next step is to create thoughts on purpose. We create
thoughts and only then do we create things. So once again, how do we create things and
results in our life? First, we have a thought. Second, we believe that thought in the way that
it creates the right feeling. Third, we feel the feeling. Fourth, that feeling drives our action. So
we take action from this feeling, and fifth - actions create results. Once again, thoughts
create feelings, feelings drive our action, actions create results. So the first step is always
awareness. We must become aware of what we think and believe. But just like a fish in
water, it is difficult to recognise the water. It takes the skill of becoming the watcher. This is
where meditation gives us the opportunity to practice being the observer of that space
between the ears, taking a look from the outside, observing our mind, and creating that space
between us and between our thoughts. We detach ourselves from those thoughts because
our thoughts are just suggestions. They are separate from us. We think that we observe the
world factually but in reality, we are constantly making judgments and assumptions about the
world based on what we have learned and believed in the past.
What happens when we have thought a thought so many times we do not even recognise
that it's a thought anymore. We think it's just real. We think it's just true. We do not realise
that it's a belief system and belief systems are 100% optional. When we think it's a beautiful
day, we think we are viewing the world objectively, and everybody thinks so. Some of our
beliefs are so deeply ingrained we do not even realise they are beliefs. We do not realise
they are just thoughts. And we think that they are the truth. These are the thoughts we do
not even question. As Orson Scott Card said we question all of our beliefs except for the
ones that we really believe in and those we never think to question. And what we are not
changing we are choosing.
A human being has approximately 60,000 thoughts per day and 90% of those thoughts are
repetitive, which means if we are not changing them on purpose, we are recreating our past.
That's why it's important to observe our thoughts if we want to create something new and to
change the results in our life. Once again, thoughts create our results.
An important question is what are your thoughts and beliefs about yourself? That’s just who I
am. I am not flexible. I'm not good at yoga. I just can't sit still. I'm just not confident. I just do
not have that self-discipline. I need food for comfort. I do not like exercising. I have always
had a hard time waking up early. Those thoughts are not right or wrong, but they are not
very useful. They indicate observations that we think are true, but they are actually optional
thoughts that we can change if we become aware of them, and make a decision that we
want to believe something different.
Do you believe that your abilities are fixed throughout the rest of your life? Or do you believe
that they can grow and change? Those beliefs shape our motivation. If it's fixed, you do not
have any motivation to work on improving them. And if it's not, you are actually motivated. It
creates a different feeling which would create a different result. If I would believe my abilities are fixed for the rest of my life, I would not be inspired to take any action. I would choose the
discomfort of stagnation. And if I would believe that I can grow even if it's not true, I will take
a different action and try anything to actually improve. and I will grow in any case.
So I have the choice to believe whatever I want. It does not matter if it's true. If this belief is
serving me, I will keep believing it.
All the things we believe about ourselves are based on our past and do not have to
determine what we can create in the future.
So let's talk about our negative beliefs. We also have a lot of negative and limiting beliefs
about ourselves and the world. So how do we become aware of the beliefs that are
negative? Nobody would probably say about themselves. I am a negative person. This is
why paying attention to our feelings is so important. negative feelings are the indicators that
we are thinking negative thoughts. Again, a thought creates a feeling. So from negative
thoughts, we create negative feelings. We think that the feeling is coming from the outside
world from all those circumstances outside of us, but our feelings are always coming from
our thinking. So we need to pay attention to thoughts like ‘that won't work’. It's too hard.
That's impossible. I have never done it before, so it might not work. I'm too busy. I don't have
enough time. It's their fault. I should have. I should be. those thoughts will create
disempowerment and block any new beliefs that require self-empowerment, because we do
not take responsibility for our feelings, but give the power away to somebody or something
outside of us. And we are always the ones creating our feelings with our thoughts not
somebody or something outside of us.
So sometimes we make a judgment or criticism and we think we are just making an
observation by saying that this thing is true. Or the thing is negative and we are just stating
the obvious, but we are not. Nothing is negative until we decide it is and even the things we
want to see as negative we can still focus on the opposite without changing our stance. For
example, instead of talking about how much we don't like something, we can talk about how
much we like its opposite. We can focus on not liking the rain or we can focus on liking the
smell of the rain. Or the fresh air after the rain. We can focus on what we don't want or what
we do want. resisting something is not the same as being for something. one includes
negativity and one includes positivity. Anytime we complain it creates negativity, which
creates more of the problem and less of the solution. And this actually does not reflect on the
object itself. We're complaining about that, it reflects on us as someone who complains.
It's important to remember that the brain is always scanning for evidence of what it believes.
If it believes that the world is bad it will see the bad. if it believes the world is good, it will find
the good. energy flows where focus goes. This is also true in people, days, jobs, and lives.
so first you must be aware of what you are scanning. for positivity, opportunities, solutions,
or negativity and problems.
And the final way to really discover any hidden negativity is to look at the results in our life.
All negative results come from negative thinking. What negative results do I create in my life
and what is my belief that creates them? For example, if you struggle with time management,
what do you think about time? There is never enough time. I have so much to do. I am so
busy.
If you struggle with following through on your commitments, what do you think about your
abilities and about yourself? I'm just not someone who's good with self-discipline. I do not
matter much. I'll start tomorrow. Who cares?
So what makes us believe our current thoughts? It's practice and repetition. Believing is
deciding and accepting that something is true. It doesn't make it true. It just makes us believe it is true. There is a difference. If you want to disbelieve something, you first have to
realise that you have accepted something as true and decide to change your mind about it.
We have learned to believe something by practice and repetition. We will have to accept it as
true and believe something different on purpose. Truth is not something that exists outside of
us, it is a decision. We need to separate truth from facts. Facts are facts. We don't say facts
are truths. Facts are facts whether we believe them or not. Truth is subjective. So the fact is
this is water. Truth - This water is blue, clean, dirty, limitless, peaceful, still mirrored, wavy,
dangerous, deep, low, cold, warm, ice fresh, hydrating, and lifegiving. These things can be true
but they are not facts. truths are our choices. What we believe and focus our mind on is a
choice. Where focus goes energy flows. We can choose whether water is life-giving or water is
dangerous. Both can be true but we get to decide which one we want to believe and focus
on. Which truth do we want to believe on purpose and focus on? Most of us are in default
believing and thinking mode. We are just replaying beliefs that have been programmed and
practised. A belief is a thought we keep on thinking. It's something we have thoughts so
often we do not even realise that we are thinking it. It's a really deep neural pathway in our
brain. How we see ourselves is what we believe about ourselves. How we see the world is
what we believe about the world and all those beliefs are optional. Most of our beliefs are
such a part of us we do not even realise that they are all just thoughts that we choose to
believe. A belief is a thought that we have without questioning it. Our beliefs will determine
our results. So we need to decide what they will be. think about your beliefs by what they will
make you feel, do and create in your life. Think about what are your beliefs about yourself
and your value? What are your beliefs about what you think you're supposed to say and do?
What are your beliefs about the world? What are your beliefs about relationships? your job?
What do you believe about healthy food? It does not taste good. It is disgusting and
depriving? Or do you believe that healthy foods are delicious and indulgent? What do you
think about stress? Is it good or bad? Is it serving us or is it harming us? What do you think
about exercise? Are you moving enough? Too much? too little?
What do you think about sleep and rest? Is it a superpower or is it a waste of time? What do
you believe about failure? Is it a step backward? Or is it an essential stepping stone to
success? What do you believe about happiness as the goal of life? Is it what you want? Or
maybe it is having a full human experience with a whole spectrum of emotions?
So how are our beliefs created? Many of our beliefs come from what we were taught by our
parents and that's not just what they told us but also what they did and how they showed up
in the world, and what we witnessed. Our upbringing, culture, society, religion, school,
media, environment, friends, and conscious choice. Some of the unconscious beliefs that we
learned have been giving us great results in our lives. My mom told me I could do anything I
wanted, and I believe her. We always had a lot of books at home and she told me that our
thoughts are very powerful. She told me that I'm healthy and my body is very intelligent and
can heal itself naturally. She told me that I do not have to follow the rules and can have my
own opinion. And this is something I'm very grateful for. There are some social beliefs that
guide our behaviour unconsciously if we do not question them. When to get married, how
many children do have, what job is the best one and why, what to spend money on, and that
other people are responsible for our feelings. We were taught many things without
questioning them.
Okay, so to sum up, what we currently believe is based on our past. our beliefs create our
results. So if we do not change anything in the way how we think, our past beliefs will create our results. If we want to create a different future, we have to create something that doesn't
exist in our past. This means that all our current thoughts are useless when it comes to
creating a new future. We need to become unavailable to our current life and beliefs, If we
want to create something new. We have to create a new belief to create a new result in the
future. And this requires awareness and consciousness. It requires us to believe something
we have never believed before because if we already believed it, we would have created
that result already. So question your beliefs. Are they helpful or harmful? Some of them are
very obvious immediately and some of them take some time to discover. The best way to
start uncovering what we believe is by looking at how we feel and act. Looking at the results
in our life and questioning the beliefs that have created them. The results in our life come
from our belief system. They do not come from outside. our job, friends, house, the money
we have. we created all that in our minds. Whatever we have in life now is a reflection of our
beliefs.
So what are the rules of believing? We can believe whatever we want to believe. there are
no rules about what we can believe. No matter what anyone says. If someone tells us
something, if we do not question it, we accept it as truth and keep believing it. news, media,
social media, friends, parents. I can believe whatever I want to believe and my beliefs will
determine what I create. So what does it mean? We can create whatever we want to create.
So wait, all I have to do is create thoughts and then believe those thoughts. This sounds fun.
So how do I decide what I want to believe? First, we have to learn how to imagine the future
we want. We have to learn how to visualise the possibility of a dream or goal. The house we
want, the job you want, the partner.
So actually we will visualise the impossibility. because we won’t believe it is possible for us
yet. The key is allowing yourself to imagine it, visualising yourself thinking, feeling, and doing
it or having it.
however there is one thing. old beliefs resist new visions. We cannot believe two opposing
things at the same time without getting very uncomfortable. So most of us stay with our old
beliefs because we already believe them and they are very comfortable. The brain always
chooses the path of least resistance and what is comfortable and familiar. Our past just
keeps repeating if we are not changing our beliefs on purpose.
So how do we believe something we do not believe yet? A belief is just a thought we keep
on thinking. A belief is a thought that is so familiar, we do not even question it. We accept
it. So when we want to believe something new, we have to decide to learn it by practising it,
and thinking it over and over. We have to practice thinking a thought over and over while
accepting it as true until eventually, we believe it. It's like brainwashing ourselves.
to sum up: First, decide what you want to believe by visualising it. Second, create a
sentence or thought that would lead to that result. Third, accept it as true. Fourth, practice
and repeat and be comfortable being uncomfortable. We must become unavailable to our
current life, the way we think, and what we believe right now to create something new.
Sometimes we will want to believe something new but it will be out of our vision because we
have believed the opposite for so long. For example, I just can't meditate. So it is quite
difficult to jump to the opposite, which would be ‘I meditate every day for 20 minutes’. It is
often useful to bridge those beliefs with a sequence of thoughts, practising believing each thought step by step until we get to the final belief. So keep moving through the thoughts
until you start believing the new visualised reality.
here's an example. ‘I can't meditate because I just can't sit still’. The next step would be ‘there
are times when I can sit still during the day’. The next thought is ‘it is possible that one day I will
meditate’. next thought, I will start meditating. Next thought. I meditate once a week for a
minute. Next thought I meditate twice a week for five minutes. Next thought. I meditate every
day for five minutes. Final thought. I meditate every day for 20 minutes. It might take some
weeks or months to get there. It is a practice.
The brain will always go to what it has already believed. Our brain wants to keep on believing
what it's kept on believing. Even when there's evidence for the contrary. Our brains are
programmed for survival. We need to pay very close attention to the things that have kept us
alive and we need to keep rethinking those and questioning them. Our brain will always
choose a belief that will keep us safe and comfortable. It will always go to what it has already
believed, even when there is evidence to the contrary.
Cognitive Dissonance is when we have two conflicting thoughts in our brain at the same
time. when we are working on changing our beliefs at some point we might have two
conflicting thoughts, our old belief and the new belief we are working on. At this point we'll
have the choice between giving up one of the beliefs or keeping practising the new belief,
keeping choosing on purpose the new belief. so sometimes, no actually, not sometimes,
very often I like to talk to my brain every time I am working on believing something new and
notice old beliefs will come up. This is where I talk to my brain and I tell my brain - listen,
thanks for the suggestion, but this is my old belief and this is what I am believing now or what
I'm practising believing. So sometimes you just need to redirect your brain. Our brains are
quite nice. They want to keep us safe. They want to keep us comfortable. So sometimes you
need to tell your brain. Thanks, I am safe and I want to be uncomfortable because this will
serve me long-term. So do not do that to yourself and do not be that person that gives up
believing that new thing because it just feels more comfortable and is obviously much easier
to believe what we have believed our whole life. But this is the question. If you really want to
create something new and something different, it will be always uncomfortable. And that's
okay, this means we are doing it right. so catch yourself whenever you notice that old belief.
Become aware that you are thinking it and deliberately pick the new one. We need to
redirect our brain as it always chooses the path of least resistance and keeps thinking what
it's used to thinking over and over and what is familiar. So we need sometimes to redirect it to
our new belief on purpose.
When coming up with new thoughts, it is very important to use language that generates the
emotions you want to have. Thinking and repetition is the first step but if there is no feeling
behind it, it will not work. That feeling will create our actions so we can show up as the best
version we want to be. rehearsing that future self. So play around with language and words
that create the emotion you want to have. practising your thoughts is kind of like practising
for a part in a play. It might feel awkward and uncomfortable because you will be stepping
into a new way of thinking and feeling and therefore acting. It is simply a new way of being.
so think about that version of yourself you want to become. as that person, how do you think,
feel an act? So every morning I go through the day and I visualise myself. what do I think?
What do I feel? How do I show up and what results do I create by the end of the day? Top
athletes are trained to visualise their goals before a competition. We cannot achieve what we
cannot imagine. it is not just visualising the action. It is visualising the thinking and believing, and then imagining the feeling and the action. Our thought directs our brain. It tells our brain
what to look for and what to focus on. It seeks evidence to support the belief, energy flows
where focus goes. For example, if I believe that the world is beautiful, my brain will scan the
world for examples of beauty. If you believe that the world is dangerous, your brain will scan
the world for danger. If you believe that life is hard, you will look for evidence to make it true.
If you believe that you're incapable your brain will scan for evidence that it's true. and it will
find it. This is why it is so important to choose what you want to believe on purpose and then
start scanning for evidence. So choose your belief, practice thinking, believing, feeling and
acting. Take massive action to prove your belief true. When you start believing something,
and you take action in support of being the person who believes it, that action starts to build
up. So think feel and act as much as possible as this version of yourself you want to become
to create evidence for that new belief. And sometimes the brain is quite slow in accepting the
new belief and the new version of yourself because you believed the old belief for so long,
so the brain can't catch up with a new result. for example, if you changed your diet, you
started exercising and you look different, it is changing your identity. So your brain is like
wait, but you used to be the person who over eats and does not exercise. This feels weird.
People are looking at you and asking questions. It's uncomfortable. Just go back to your old
belief. The brain will always bring back those old beliefs until the new ones will become part
of your new identity. The brain will always bring back those old beliefs just because old
beliefs and old identity feels familiar and comfortable. So this is your practice. Catch yourself
and redirect your brain. The brain doesn't like change. Thinking about the motivational triad.
the brain wants to avoid pain, move towards pleasure, exert limited energy and move away from
the unknown and uncertainty. When we change a belief it goes against comfort. As we think
differently, our brains will resist it. This means we are doing it right. It will feel like a lot of effort
to take massive action to work on new beliefs. Our brains will want to stick with old thoughts
and old evidence. It is just a survival pattern.
This requires us to move towards discomfort on purpose in order to evolve into the next best
version of ourselves. Now that we know the power of thought, and we know that we can
think whatever we want about everything that happens in our life, the question is - do you
really want to think positive thoughts about everything that happens? It would definitely make
us feel better and it is possible but sometimes bad things happen in life - war, death. And we
actually do not want to think positively about them. And it's the awareness that the thoughts
about our circumstances create our feelings. And if the feeling is negative, it means that this
thought creates our suffering and we feel a negative emotion. So the goal is not to try feeling
better and thinking positive about something horrible happening just so we can feel better.
We still want to be human with preferences, likes, and dislikes. But just realising that the only
thing making it negative is our thought about it. Circumstances - whatever happens to us -
are always neutral. Understanding intellectually is always great. but the practice of paying
attention to your thoughts and feelings and their connection is that experience that makes a
difference.
We get to believe anything we want. And there are no rules as to what we can believe or
what we can decide not to believe. That's crazy. Even if we have believed something our
whole life, we can change our minds now about it and about ourselves. And we do not even
have to ask anybody.
What do you believe that you did not even know is a belief? What are other beliefs that you
haven't even questioned? What have you just accepted as being true in your life about yourself?
If you could believe anything you want about yourself, what would you believe? We can believe anything we want. There is no restriction to what we're allowed to believe. No one
can tell us what we can or cannot think. this is freedom.
So to sum up, how do we change our beliefs? The first step as always is awareness. Your
beliefs are not a reflection of reality as it objectively is. They are filtered through our
interpretations. The first step is to realise that we have them, the second step is to question
them and think about how they affect our life. Do you like what results they create? I have
this belief, how does it make me feel? How do I act from that feeling? What results do I
create in my life with that belief? Is it helpful or harmful? It's not about right or wrong, but is it
helpful or harmful for me? And then you can start adopting more useful beliefs.
As human beings, we are the only species that are able to watch our thoughts and our
thoughts about those thoughts, which means we are the only species that are capable of
choosing our thoughts on purpose. Do not believe everything you think. realising that I am
not my thoughts and being the watcher, becoming aware from the outside, detaching
ourselves from our thoughts, and letting go of the judgment, creates the space of equanimity
that gives us the power of choice. What is it I want to believe? What is true for me? All
circumstances are always neutral. We decide what we want to think about them. This is
freedom. We can decide what we want you to think about everything that happens in our life.
Everything that happened in the past and what will happen in the future. I can decide to
believe ahead of time that my future is amazing. And I can direct my brain to find evidence
for that. I mean it's crazy. and fun. What else?
Thank you for being curious. If you enjoyed listening, rate, review, subscribe, share, and join
the conversation. Do not miss out on yourself!
