You are listening to me talking to myself. Welcome to the podcast where I share useful tools to create more space, more freedom, peace, connection, and life on purpose.
I want to be happy. What does it mean? Do you want to feel happy all the time? Most of us would agree that's something that we would all want. We love the idea of being happy. In this episode, I will talk about being happy, but also about all of the other feelings that go along with being human and living a life.
We talk about happiness as being something that comes upon us. Some of us say things like ‘my job doesn't make me happy. It was a very unhappy day. My partner does not make me happy. My children make me happy. I just didn't have a happy life’, referring to our emotions as something outside of us. So we need to go back and remind ourselves where emotions come from, how emotions are created, what it means to be happy, and if this is the goal of life.
Our thoughts create our feelings. Our feelings drive our actions and our actions create results. To review how our thoughts create our results, go back to episode number nine.
It is completely within our control to think how we want to think therefore it is completely within our control to feel whatever we want to feel.
It has nothing to do with outside objects like what kind of job we have or whether we have a house, partner, money, kids, etc. All of our emotions, including happiness, are created in our own minds with our thinking.
External objects are circumstances, circumstances are always neutral. We have a thought about those circumstances and those thoughts create our emotions.
Unfortunately, nobody teaches us in school that this is how it works. Media, TV, school, uni, and even our upbringing teach us the opposite. Find a partner that will make you happy. Find a job that will make you happy, get married, it will make you happy, get chocolate it will make you feel better. Drink something it will make everything more fun. Buy this house, buy that car, it will make you feel powerful. get six pack, and consume all possible things that will make you happy. No external objects can bring us long-term happiness and fulfillment. It just covers up the uncomfortable emotions we do not want to feel in the moment.
There is nothing wrong with buying houses, cars, and having six pack. I'm all about setting goals and seeing what's possible, just those do not determine our happiness.
And so many of us are literally brainwashed by the idea of believing we have to chase something external outside of us in order to change the way we feel. And the world around us tells us that this is the way, so we consume more of what will never make us happy.
Ask yourself, 'Would you rather be rich, famous, thin, (insert whatever it is for you) or happy?' if you were happy, would you care so much about being rich, famous, thin (insert whatever it is for you).
In fact, are those two things different or do you believe that being rich/ famous/ thin means you would be happy?
Slow down and listen to what you really want.
Maybe you have some of the things now that you thought would make you happy.
So are you happy now?
And if so, are you happy because of those things?
Ask yourself, what's going to be different when you have this thing that you think will make you happy? And what will be exactly the same?
We set goals because we think when we achieve those goals, they will make us feel a certain way.
What will be different when you achieve that goal and what will be exactly the same?
Whatever we want in life is because of the feeling we think we will have when we get it.
Usually, it's some version of happiness and contentment or some other positive feeling that will make us feel better.
So first, identify how is it that you really want to feel.
Is it happiness? What is it for you?
How do you want to feel? Maybe it's peaceful, exciting, free, proud, powerful, determined, confident, strong?
What is it that you want to feel?
Then ask yourself what do you think would give you that feeling? And are you focused on something externally or something that you think you need to achieve first? Or are you believing that you can create whatever emotion it is that you want? Now?
Our thinking is what creates our feelings. This is all we need to do to have anything we want.
Because if what we really want in our lives is just to feel a certain way, that's why we want all those external things, and the only way that we can really feel that way is by controlling the thoughts that we're having in our minds and deciding to think what we want to think on purpose, then we can create any emotion that we want.
So why are we distracting ourselves and wasting time, energy, and money on all that external stuff?
What we need to do is to focus on how we want to feel. whatever it is - happiness, Joy, excitement, whatever feeling you most want to feel. So think about that feeling. Feelings are vibrations in our bodies. So maybe close your eyes, allow yourself to be still, and focus on those vibrations. Where do you feel them? Maybe its lightness, any kind of shape? Or colour? Focus on the experience of having an emotion.
Describe that emotion in your body and how it feels.
You can go back to Episode Five for meditation on sensations that could be helpful.
That emotions are just vibrations in our body is true for negative feelings too. it is very useful to know how to feel any emotion and to be able to process it. Being with it, observing it, describing it, staying with it.
Because if we are willing to feel any emotion there is nothing we're not willing to do. Because just like everything you want to do in your life and everything you want to have in your life is because how it will make you feel, the same is true for everything you do not want to do in your life. Everything you avoid in your life is because you are afraid of how it will make you feel.
So if you're willing to feel any emotion, and really get good at feeling your emotions, then you can go into any situation with no fear. Because there is no feeling you're afraid of that you're unwilling to feel, because you have all the tools to be with it.
And you also know how to create positive emotions and therefore feel positive emotions whenever you want.
So here's how you feel the emotions that you want to feel.
You think about that emotion. So if that emotion is happiness and you really identify what happiness feels like in your body and you really understand why you want to feel it, then you have to go back to that truth that all emotions are created by thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings, feelings drive our actions, and actions produce results. Once again, check out episodes 9-12 on thoughts and beliefs if you'd like to explore more on that topic.
So then ask yourself, what would I be thinking if I was feeling happy?
What would I be thinking if I was feeling excited, joyful, peaceful, or proud? Whatever it is for you, and you trace it backward.
You might be like, I don't really know what I'm thinking when I'm happy. Well, then think about what do you think would make you happy? A job, a house, a car, your ideal body, a partner, maybe you have a business or money goal. If somebody would tell you right now that you have that thing that you want, you won a lottery, you got the house you met your ideal partner, you're completely healthy, how would you feel?
And the only reason why you're experiencing that emotion is because of a thought.
You might say, well in order for the emotion to be real and to truly be felt, the thing has to be real. And that is not true. The excitement for Christmas before it's there and the excitement for holidays before we even go there is something we experience before we have it.
A thought is true for you if you believe it.
If you believe a thought, it will create an emotion. when you think about for you what would make you the happiest. Then think about what thoughts you are thinking when you imagine that and that thought is something you could choose to think now.
Maybe when you have achieved that goal, you think ‘my life is amazing. I am going to be able to do all the fun things I always wanted to do. Everything is possible for me now. I'm capable of anything. I will never have to worry again.’
If you take one of those thoughts, if you believe those thoughts, you're going to feel free, proud, capable, and excited. You're going to feel positive emotions. Pick one of those thoughts or choose one of your thoughts and think that thought right now.
Example, ‘I'm going to be able to do all the fun things I always wanted to do.’ And the truth is, you can do all the fun things right now too. So look around and find evidence for all the fun things you're already doing. Maybe all the fun things that seemed impossible a couple of years ago.
So do I just think happy thoughts and then I feel happy?
It sounds simple, but the truth is you can think happy thoughts if you do not believe them and feel better or happy. But you can think happy thoughts and feel happy if you believe those thoughts. That is the secret to the universe. That is the secret to everything in our life, to feeling amazing. You have to think thoughts that are amazing, feel those thoughts, and truly believe them.
Every emotion that you ever experience is because of the thought you are thinking consciously or unconsciously.
This is the practice.
This is the choice.
Alright, is the goal of life to be happy all of the time?
Well, what about when somebody dies? The feeling does not come from the person dying. The feeling comes from the thought you have about the person dying. And that's why everybody's death doesn't have the same experience for every person because everybody's thoughts about that person dying are different.
Different religions and cultures view the end of life differently. Some cry some celebrate. Same circumstance, different thoughts, different feelings, different actions.
How you decide to think about something determines how you feel about something. How you decide to think about your job or your partner will determine how you feel about your job or your partner. You may think that your job or your partner determines how you feel about them, but they do not. You are the one in charge of how you feel about them. Despite what they do or do not do.
Whatever you decide to think about them will determine how you feel about them. And that's the same with anything that happens in our life. How you decide to think about it will determine how you feel. And that's why people of very different means and very different family and social situations can be equally as happy because it has nothing to do with any of that.
What determines your level of happiness, what determines any emotion that you're having is how you are thinking, not something external outside of you.
If you're thinking that you're an amazing person with a beautiful life and that you're lucky and that you're grateful for everything that you have, you're going to have a certain level of happiness and gratitude and appreciation in your life. You could have that exact same life with very different thoughts about not being lucky not being valued, not having enough, not having the people that you want in your life, and with the exact same life be miserable. check out episode 11 on the story that we create about our life.
The only thing that determines the difference is how we decide to think. How you think is going to determine how you feel, because all of our thoughts create feelings.
If you want to know why you're feeling anything you're feeling, all you have to do, is ask yourself what is the thought that I'm currently having that is causing this feeling? If you're feeling excited, is because you're having a thought that's exciting you, something like ‘this trip will be amazing.’
If you're feeling sad, is because you're having a thought that's creating sadness for you, something like ‘nobody cares about me’. Ask yourself right now, what am I feeling?
Name that feeling that you are feeling right now. And then ask yourself, what is the thought that I'm having right now that's creating that feeling?
You might notice multiple thoughts that might create different emotions. All those thoughts create different emotions and there are so many shades of happiness.
In show notes, you will find a list of emotions that could be helpful to identify.
And that is one of the most powerful things you can know, knowing that we can have any feeling we want. If you can find a thought you believe will create it.
Any feeling that you are having that you do not want to be having, the good news is, that you're the one creating it. Why is it good news, because if you're creating it, you also have the power to change it.
You have the power within.
If you attach your feelings, your happiness to something external outside of you that you cannot control, and we cannot control whatever happens outside of you, the only thing that we can control is whatever happens within, if you attach your feelings, your happiness to those external objects, you will always be dependent on those external objects to provide you with that feeling. And with that, you give your power away.
If you are the one creating your feelings, then you are also the one that can create a different feeling.
Everything that you feel is a choice. Happiness is a choice. You can feel happy about anything if you want to.
Everything you feel is a choice.
And it doesn't mean that you should feel happy all the time. And in fact, most of us do not want to feel happy all the time. The truth is we do not. When someone dies, we do not want to feel happy. When one of our friends is in pain, we do not really want to feel happy. When somebody steals my bike, I do not want to be happy.
We want to feel sad and we want to feel grief, and we want to feel neutral sometimes. And sometimes we just want to feel calm and peaceful and excited and empowered and motivated and all the things, right?
And sometimes the feeling of happiness is not useful.
When we want to go out and create something, we want to feel excitement. When we set a goal, we want to feel determined. When we did something wrong, we want to apologise, we want to feel sorry and not happy. When we have a job interview, we want to feel confident. when we take part in a competition, we want to feel capable.
We don't always want to feel happy. We don't always want to feel excited, but we get to decide! That's a choice we get to make.
It's something that nobody decides for you.
And it is also something that nobody can take away from you. It is our ability to choose how we want to feel about anything.
Think about your three most dominant emotions.
So what would you say are your top most common feelings?
In show notes, you will find a list of emotions that could be helpful to identify.
So take your time and really think about the three feelings that you have most often during the day. And do not judge yourself if you happen to have three very negative feelings. It doesn't mean anything about it. Be honest about it. You can't change what you are not willing to see.
So write down your top three feelings. Then what you can explore is what are the thoughts that you're having that are creating those top three feelings?
If you're the one that creates your feelings, then what are the top thoughts that you're having that are creating those feelings?
My example: my feelings - gratitude, excitement, equanimity.
feeling: gratitude, thought: I live in an abundant universe. Feeling: excitement, thought: I can't wait to see what I will create today. Feeling: equanimity, thought: Whatever happens to me is neutral.
Then the next question that you ask yourself is what are the three feelings I want to be having? If I could choose what would be the feelings I would like to have. From all the emotions that are available to you, what three do you want to choose? And if you could choose three feelings to have what are your favourites? What would you choose to feel? The three that I mentioned before I create them on purpose every day.
What is it for you? How do you want to feel? Proud, bored, loved, joyful, calm, excited, driven, determined.
For example, one of the ways that you could feel proud is by reminding yourself of your accomplishments, reminding yourself of what you're doing for your family, your work, what you do for yourself, and how you take care of yourself. So take the time to think about it on purpose.
Then you get to experience that feeling of being proud of yourself and also really knowing how it feels, maybe for the first time actually being present with that emotion.
Excitement is something I generate often in my life on purpose. Our brains are lazy, they want to stay comfortable. They want to avoid pain and move towards pleasure, and not exert too much energy. So sometimes I need to think on purpose “This is the most fun thing I will do in my life” and redirect my brain to find evidence. Another one that I tell myself if I do not feel inspired to do something is “I don't have to do this, I get to do this”. It removes the feeling of resentment and creates the feeling of gratitude. For all the opportunities I have in my life. And excitement is an emotion that I generate on purpose quite often, just because I love being excited about life. Deliberately thinking about all the things that I'm excited about and reminding myself that there is nothing in the world we actually have to do. Everything we do, we choose to do it for whatever reason, even if it's paying taxes, even if it's writing invoices, even if it's cleaning your house, you actually want to do it for whatever reason. So reminding myself of all the reasons why I want to do it and that I get the opportunity to do it.
I feel that way about my goals too. When I set goals. I believe that they will come true, that I will create them, and that I will do the work necessary to have the results that I want.
When generating happiness, peace, or contentment, even knowing that the state is always available for us. We don't have to go anywhere. We don't have to achieve anything to feel this way. We can experience those emotions anytime and anywhere. We cannot control whatever happens outside of us, we cannot control circumstances, but we have the power to control what happens within: our thoughts, our emotions, our actions, and our results.
So do not give your power away to external objects, people, or events to make you feel a certain way. Do not spend time, energy, and money on external substances that will never truly make you happy.
They just cover up the uncomfortable emotion we do not want to feel in the moment and you will always be dependent on what they are able to provide you with. And those uncomfortable emotions will not disappear until we are actually present with them and we process them.
It is that instant gratification that pretends to be the solution but never is. True long-term fulfillment, abundance, love, and happiness never come from external objects. It is an inside job.
You do not need a partner to make you feel loved, accepted, and worthy. This is your job.
You do not need a certain job to make you feel valued. You do not need money to make you feel abundant. You do not need chocolate to make you feel comfortable. You do not need coffee to make you feel energised. You do not need alcohol to have fun. You do not need substances to access your potential. Who are you without all of it?
You have your body - movement is free. Emotions are energy in motion. If they're not expressed, the energy is repressed. Whatever emotion we experience, our physical body always remembers everything and through movement, we release that energy and stored negative emotions from our bodies.
When we don't give ourselves the opportunity to release emotional energy, this energy doesn't go away. It often manifests itself in other ways like anxiety, depression, anger, ADHD, or physical symptoms such as headaches or difficulty sleeping.
You have your breath. Breathing is free. You use your breath as a tool to communicate with the nervous system. Every emotion we have has its own breath pattern. You can use your breath to create emotions.
You have your brain thinking and believing is free.
With your beliefs, you can control any result you want to create in your life and make your dreams come true.
You have yourself, being present with yourself, meditation is free.
You do not need to go anywhere.
Check out my meditations on breath, sensations, and thoughts, episodes three, five, and 12. So do not just listen to this podcast and use it as entertainment. Challenge yourself to do the work of identifying your current emotions and emotions you would like to create on purpose, sit down, and actually do the meditation. Knowledge is just potential power until we use it and turn insight into wisdom through our own experience.
We do not learn how to walk by reading a book about how to walk. We practice. Creating awareness about our thoughts and emotions requires practice, requires commitment, willingness to be uncomfortable, to be present with yourself. It requires discipline to show up for yourself. But what can be more powerful than knowing that whatever happens, I can be happy either way. I can feel abundant and fulfilled and peaceful and free because my brain is the tool and I know how to manage it, and nobody can take it away from me.
Whatever happens to me externally, I can create my happiness within. I can be happy either way. Whatever decision I make, I can be happy because I create my happiness within.
Check out the show notes. You'll find links to meditations featured in this podcast. Let me know what your top three feelings are and what you would like them to be. And otherwise, if you want to experience the power of your body, your breath, and your mind, come to a yoga class, see on the mat. Be happy, but also be all the other things on purpose!
Thank you for being curious. If you enjoyed listening, rate, review, subscribe, share and join the conversation. Do not miss out on yourself, your power, and what is possible for you!
