TTM #8 DREAM WITH DISCIPLINE

Watch here the intro to this episode.

In this week's episode, I take a look at the importance of discipline in different aspects of our lives and how by practicing it, we can achieve freedom, transform the relationship we have with ourselves,  and how we can get started today.

TTM#8 - SELF ENQUIRY

Pick an area in your life you want to create discipline around.

Set your minimum baseline. 

Commit to showing up no matter what.

What are your obstacles (thoughts, emotions) that might keep you from honoring your commitments?
What are your strategies?
Plan ahead of time how you will overcome those obstacles.


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Transcript

TTM#8 DREAM WITH DISCIPLINE by Eleonora Gendelman

You are listening to me talking to myself. Welcome to the podcast where I share some useful tools, insights, and questions to make us feel more peaceful, more present, more connected, and empowered to create.

If you are a self-disciplined person, you probably have a very wonderful existence with yourself. If you are disciplined when it comes to food choices, you probably have more freedom than if you aren't. disciplined with your diet means that you know which kind of food is good for your health, recovery, energy levels, physical goals, good for your mental clarity, focus, which foods do not cause any inflammation, which food does not make you feel sick, bloated, tired, which food is your fuel food, you know how to deal with any cravings, urges for foods you want by probably do not need. You know the amount of food that you need in a day according to your activity levels. You know what times are the best for you to eat or not to eat and what kind of foods that will support whatever you do throughout the day. You know when to stop when it's been enough. You know how to take care of your future self by planning and preparing your meals ahead of time and planning time for cooking or being present with food. you do not use food for entertainment or to avoid feeling any uncomfortable emotion. You have a lot of energy to do and create whatever you want. You have a healthy body. And these are all the results you create if you're disciplined with your food choices. so discipline means freedom.

Same with your workout. you set goals you're disciplined with following all the steps, you achieve your goals, you feel stronger, you feel more confident, you feel more energized, you feel more empowered, which gives you freedom.

if you're disciplined with your sleep, you have more freedom during the day in terms of being awake, energized, having fun, and enjoying what you do in your day. Discipline gives us freedom.

Discipline is the ability to have self-control and restraint against our primitive desires and survival instincts: self-preservation which means avoiding pain and moving towards pleasure. Do whatever is comfortable, Do not exert too much energy, and stay away from the unknown and uncertainty.

self-discipline is the ability to recognize and manage our impulses, emotions, and behaviors to support our values and a vision of the best version of ourselves. If you do not have discipline and you want to work on your goals or build habits, you will need a lot of willpower. self-discipline is planned ahead of time and consistent while willpower is used in the moment when making healthier and better choices. For example, if you notice that urge to eat chocolate or drink something or stay in bed longer in the morning instead of working out you will need a lot of willpower to resist that temptation. If your long-term goal is to build a healthy lifestyle. What we resist persists, we have a limited amount of willpower, and especially if we are tired, sleep deprived, or stressed, we might give in to that temptation because there's not much willpower left. This is where the power of discipline comes in. The power of noticing temptations, allowing urges, and not reacting to impulses. Discipline is when we decide ahead of time how we will and want to show up, so we eliminate the use of willpower in the moment. We make a decision we commit to that decision. We keep showing up in that way until it becomes part of our identity. You have decided ahead of time that you brush your teeth every morning. You do not need to use your willpower for that. It's just something you do.

From my personal example, I have decided ahead of time for myself that I go to bed at 9pm, that I do not eat after 6 pm, that I practice every day, that I work out six times a week, that I meditate every day, that I take cold showers every day, that I do handstands every day. I have decided ahead of time what I will eat tomorrow. And I show up for myself every day until it's part of my identity and who I am and want to become. so I have so much freedom around not making decisions in the moment, but just following my plan and doing what I said I will do. Decide for yourself who you are and how you want to show up. honor those commitments you gave to yourself and they will give you an increased amount of discipline, self-control, and restraint in every area of your life. And practice, as always, is what makes it stronger.

Working on your self-discipline is like building muscle. It is a practice. When you're telling yourself I am going to the gym every morning when I wake up and then you go and exercise every day, you develop that discipline. The more that you do that, the more powerful it is. But if you tell yourself I want to go tomorrow morning, but you have not made the plan, you have not prepared your gym bag, you have not set the alarm and actually have not created the time for that, you will need a lot of willpower to fall through and resist all the temptations to stay in bed. and you have given yourself the option of not going. then in that moment, you will have to make that decision which again requires a lot of willpower. Should I go or should I not go? I could go but I can also go tomorrow, but also who cares? And then you have a whole dialogue with your brain that just wants to avoid any kind of discomfort and is looking for pleasure all day every day. But if you set yourself up so that there is no option, you make that commitment to yourself no matter what. And then you honor that commitment to yourself by not giving yourself the option. That's what discipline is.

so planning ahead of time and committing no matter what to eliminate the making decision in the moment and needing a lot of willpower to overcome all the temptations. decisions in the moment come from that primitive brain that is reactive and usually chooses that instant gratification and at some point, you have used up all the willpower and all the decisions made in the moments from this place will not be beneficial long term.

Plan ahead of time what you will eat, and when you will train, practice, and work on that project. So you do not waste time and have to make the decision in the moment of what would be a healthier and better choice. Planning ahead of time and committing to following the plan is building that discipline with yourself. The more you practice doing the things on your plan no matter what, the easier it is and at some point, it becomes part of your identity.

in some areas of your life you already have this strict discipline with yourself when you say ‘no, this is just something I do’ or ‘this is just someone who I am'.

like, for me I do not drink alcohol. it is just not an option. I don't care how many times somebody offers it to me. I don't care who else is doing it. it is not something I do or even plan to do ever. I don't have to make that decision for myself, that's already been decided. I don't have to spend a lot of time wasting decision-making energy on that because I have already decided that for myself.

The more you set up all your decisions ahead of time, the less reactive you will be in the moment, the fewer temptations you will have to deal with, the less willpower you will need in the moment. You will not have to have that negotiation with yourself. It's just not an option. And it's so much freedom. when you decide if you wake up and go work out no matter what, that's it, it's not something that you can negotiate. It's freedom.

When you honor that decision to yourself, you get better at it. You've practiced it, and if you do it in one area of your life, you get better at all the areas in your life. If you're more disciplined because you're exercising every day, then you're going to show up differently everywhere, at work, with your food choices, in your relationships. Discipline in one area applies to every area.

using discipline by making a plan for yourself ahead of time and then honoring that. That relationship that you develop with yourself, with your future self will be a relationship of integrity and honor. The more integrity you have with yourself, the better the relationship will be. Which means the more you'll be able to ask of yourself and the more you'll be willing to do, the bigger goals you can set and the more you will be able to accomplish. Because you know that you will deliver and do whatever you said you will do and you can rely on yourself.

planning decisions ahead of time, eliminating any need for negotiation, following through and honouring my commitments to myself has made my discipline, my willpower and my self-control much stronger and it's also increased the relationship I have with myself. Professional athletes start training from a very early age. This is just what they do. They have been doing it their whole life every day. They have the discipline to show up for their training every day and not question that.

So how is meditation a tool to build self-discipline?

One of the reasons why meditation seems so difficult and people struggle with meditating consistently or even starting to meditate is that it requires a lot of self-discipline, showing up consistently without any expectations. Being still, being with yourself, with all the noises in between the ears, being with that discomfort. The practice of meditation is a useful tool to practice discipline. It feels uncomfortable, your mind brings you all possible suggestions of what you should be doing instead, what is more interesting and entertaining than this present moment. Meditation is a practice of noticing, accepting and letting go of thoughts, temptations, urges and sensations. you distance yourself from all of that. And this is exactly what we need when we are building a habit and our discipline around a habit.

In the first episode, I was talking about the 10-day Vipassana silent meditation course and my mind wandering. Do I really need 10 days of this? I'm already meditating. I got the point what it’s about, do i really need 10 days? It is the discipline of managing those thoughts, your mind talking you out of doing something that does not sound fun. and the practice is to observe, to watch the mind talking to you without becoming those thoughts and without reacting to those urges and impulses. It is a useful tool to build discipline in every area. 

When you're working on something, creating a new habit, or working on a project, the mind will bring all possible suggestions why doing something else instead is a good idea, or why this goal does not make sense anyway and you should not even start. Do not exert any energy and do whatever is comfortable instead. See and notice all those suggestions and you keep going towards your goal. Spending time with our mind intentionally is what strengthens our awareness and compassion for ourselves. We start paying better attention to what we think and feel. And the way we show up for ourselves when we meditate is a good indicator of how we will show up for other things in life where practice and repetition is involved. Meditation is a powerful tool that allows us to practice how to be with all that noise, all the thoughts in your head, noticing uncomfortable emotions that come up while building that discipline, and creating that space between you and those thoughts and emotions. We become less reactive to those urges and more focused on the goal and the destination, and on the journey itself. The practice of showing up and the non-attachment to the outcome. The practice of showing up for yourself and doing something small consistently for a bigger purpose. And also the benefits of meditation make it easier for us to be with challenging and uncomfortable emotions and thoughts. If we feel less stressed, less tired, rested, calm, peaceful, focused, grounded and present, we will have more mental energy to stay disciplined and not react to temptations in the moment.

For more information about meditation and all the reasons why and how check out episodes one through five.

When talking about Asana, the physical practice of yoga, we discipline ourselves to stay in uncomfortable poses, to show up on the max no matter what, to observe thoughts and feelings, judgments about the poses and ourselves, and observe our attachments and expectations. self-discipline is a commitment to show up for yourself. If you're tired, if you're bored, if you feel energised, if you feel uninspired, if you would rather do other things. If you're at home if you're on vacation, showing up on the mat and committing to that inner work, committing to the journey, committing to building a relationship with ourselves. This is consistency and determination in practice.

I wake up, I go to the gym or I practice and it's not something a question ever, because I believe so much in the benefits of that practice and the consistency of it and how it affects the rest of my day and my life. It's just what I do every day.

So you might be someone who is disciplined to you show up on time, maybe walk your dog every morning or water your plants. So in some areas, you have the discipline and in some areas, you might need to put in some work.

So how to build that self-discipline, starting small with a minimum baseline.

A minimum baseline is the minimal amount of effort you could commit to long term. If you want to start exercising, what is the minimum you would be able to commit to? it could be just packing your bag, putting on your workout gear, maybe going to the gym, maybe five minutes of movement. If your long-term goal and vision of yourself is being someone who works out five times a week for an hour, and it seems impossible for now, think about all the steps you need to take to get there and take one step at a time. And those small steps consistently accumulate to big results. It's not spending five hours in the gym once a month that will make a big difference. It's all those five minutes together will build the habit and change your identity over time. If you start working on your sleep, can you start with going five minutes earlier every day, maybe just once a week, until it becomes part of your routine. If you're changing your eating habits, maybe plan your meals ahead of time, once a week. If you start meditating, maybe it's just sitting down being still for a minute

two minutes of brushing teeth every day makes a huge difference over time, huh?

When I decided to work on handstands, I decided to start with 15 minutes every day, which in the beginning seems super long and you check the clock if the time is over and after some time through consistent practice, you get better it becomes more fun you do not care about the time. And now it's just part of my daily training routine and part of my identity. I practice handstands every day. From my experience, no one-off workshop or class is as effective as consistent practice and small improvements over time. Obviously, you need some guidance from time to time, but consistent work and showing up even if it's just for five minutes is the secret.

When I decided to incorporate intermittent fasting into my routine I started with 12 hours, it turned into 16, 18, and then 20 over six months, which I kept for the last couple of years. Especially the first couple of weeks, it was challenging and there was a lot of noise in between the ears why it is not a good idea and why I should eat because I will die. So it was fun to listen to my brain. I decided I will do 20 hours for a year doesn't matter what kind of day I had - training, no training, working, not working, rest days. for a lot of different reasons, and one of them was creating discipline with my eating habits and disciplining the brain to accept the fact that I am the manager of my life and it's not my primal instinct to survive and be comfortable all the time.

The reason why a minimum baseline is so important is that it's just as easy not to do as it is to do. you are doing this minimum baseline just for the sake of honouring your commitments to yourself, just for the sake of doing what you said you are going to do, which switches the emphasis from doing it because of the results of the activity like gaining a lot of muscles from those five minutes, to building that discipline with yourself. This is the first step, this is the foundation, setting a minimum baseline, planning, honouring your plan, keeping commitments to yourself, building that trust, integrity, and discipline, and then you can add more to it. But do not be in a rush and practice patience. The motivation comes not from that exercise, it comes from your commitment to keeping showing up. not from the exercise and its results. You might not see any results for a long time in terms of losing fat or gaining muscle, but this is not the goal and focus in this case. You are the one creating motivation for yourself without expecting that exercise or something else outside of you to do it for you. 

Building new habits and doing something new will not feel great and will not be comfortable in the beginning, changing your eating habits, waking up earlier, going to bed earlier, and maybe starting to meditate. with that minimum baseline and working on our self-discipline, we want to learn how to overcome our own discomfort, honour our own word to ourselves, and learn how to follow through when nobody is watching. While listening to that noise in between the ears that it's ridiculous, I should not even start, it will not work anyway. And actually, it doesn't matter. Well, if there's something in your life you want to improve, there's a reason for that. And you do matter.

This has been always the biggest motivation for me. exploring what is possible for me without expecting somebody's approval or pat on my back. And this is why so many of us struggle with our own discipline and our own follow through and our own integrity is because many of us have been conditioned to work for reward from something or someone, whoever it is, parents, teachers, work colleagues, family. Many of us have not been conditioned to show up for ourselves first.

So think about something you would like to work on, improve in your life, create a habit.

maybe it's exercise, maybe meditation, maybe sleep, maybe working on a project. Pick your minimum baseline. especially, if it's not existent right now, make it very easy to set yourself up for success. Something you can easily commit to even if it sounds ridiculous and honour your commitment just because there's nothing more important than your word to yourself. You have to meet yourself where you are right now. And be honest with yourself. There is no point in setting a minimum baseline that sounds good, but it's not sustainable for you yet. And many times those five minutes will turn into 10, 20, maybe 30. But first, commit to that minimum baseline and if it's more, than great, increase it only when you start feeling comfortable with the current one. which means your ability to honour your commitments will increase as well. And you do not have to tell people about this because people will offer you all possible opinions why it's not worth it, why it's ridiculous and why you should not do it. And it all sounds like good reasons not to. especially people who are not self-disciplined themselves.

Again, you're not doing it for people. You're doing it for yourself. And if your minimum baseline is one minute then that's what it is right now. and you keep working on your discipline, on keeping commitments to yourself, on showing up for yourself while other people will find all possible reasons not to. There is nothing more important than the relationship you have with yourself. Think about yourself as this person that you want to become. For example, I am somebody who works out every day. Even if it's just five minutes a day. I am somebody who does not eat after 6 pm. Even if it's just once a week. I am somebody who meditates. even if it's just one minute a day. it seems ridiculous but small habits accumulated create big results. Again, brushing teeth for two minutes every day makes a huge difference over time.

So do not worry about your brain making fun of you, do not worry about other people's opinions. This is your date with yourself. It's none of their business. and you celebrate small wins when you honour your commitments.

So in some areas, you might have this discipline already, and in some other areas you might want to improve. And this is where that minimum baseline is useful. Pick what that minimum is, and make sure that you are not doing it for the results you think it will create. You're doing it simply to honour that commitment to yourself. You're not exercising for five minutes a day to gain a lot of muscles, but to build discipline with yourself. This is the foundation. and even if you did that minimum for a whole year, at the end of the year, you will be a different person. Not because you have built a lot of muscle, but because you have transformed your relationship with yourself. You will develop that skill of listening to that noise in your head about why it's nonsense and you should not do it and you will have the tools to do it anyway. To be with the discomfort to delay gratification, to not believe everything your brain tells you. And from that integrity and trust in yourself, you can make bigger commitments.

So how do you stay consistently determined to chase your dreams and your goals? The answer is self-discipline. Professional athletes, musicians, and dancers start building a discipline from a very early age, spending hours every day, year after year. Consistent determination is not creating motivation every time, it's discipline. You do things until they become part of your identity. You just do them without overthinking and questioning. It is a consistent discipline with yourself, showing up for the things you do not want to do in the moment for long-term results, when nobody is watching. Showing up for yourself even if you do not feel like doing it. You do not have to create motivation every time and every moment, your self-discipline is doing it for you. You do not have to negotiate with yourself every time because this is just part of your identity. because you have practised it so many times that there is no other option.

Usually, we practice discipline through parenting, education, school, university, work, having deadlines, planning projects, being on time, and showing up for subjects, and things we maybe do not like. but what if some of us didn't have that education? unlike intelligence, self-discipline can be practiced and developed. Discipline gives us consistency and habits. Consistency creates results. Results give us that internal motivation to keep going. success is not creating something big at once. It's not sustainable. It’s doing small steps consistently, building that foundation. So if you take a step back, it does not throw you off center because your foundation is strong and you can stand up easily. doing small things that seem insignificant but consistently, is what creates long-term results.

Discipline is not something we force upon ourselves. It is something to have developed and to work on. That will give us a lot of results we want and freedom in life.

Everybody can brush their teeth for two minutes a day. What else?

have an amazing week. Dream with discipline.

Thank you for being curious. if you enjoyed listening, rate, review, subscribe, share and join the conversation. Do not miss out on yourself.