115: Why am I good all day and lose control in secret? Here's how to stop raiding the pantry at night.
May 20, 2024
Lyndi Cohen
Ever find yourself in a battle with the snack drawer after a day of 'perfect' eating?
It’s like your self-control vanishes the second you're home alone. Leaving you stuck in the frustrating cycle of being disciplined during the day, and over-eating at night.
If this rings a bell- stick around as we're diving into the effective strategies that'll revolutionise your relationship with both your pantry and your plate.
I'll introduce you to the "three packet principle," and offer practical advice on breaking free from the "last supper mentality" - guiding you toward a more mindful, intentional relationship with food, without the guilt and self-loathing.
Want to feel more in control around food? Check out my Stop Struggling With Food Guide, currently on sale for 40% off. You’ll also find 50 of my favourite recipes to get you inspired!
Looking for more support to feel in control around food? I'd love to support you in my Binge Free Academy.
Ever find yourself in a battle with the snack drawer after a day of 'perfect' eating?
It’s like your self-control vanishes the second you're home alone. Leaving you stuck in the frustrating cycle of being disciplined during the day, and over-eating at night.
If this rings a bell- stick around as we're diving into the effective strategies that'll revolutionise your relationship with both your pantry and your plate.
I'll introduce you to the "three packet principle," and offer practical advice on breaking free from the "last supper mentality" - guiding you toward a more mindful, intentional relationship with food, without the guilt and self-loathing.
Want to feel more in control around food? Check out my Stop Struggling With Food Guide, currently on sale for 40% off. You’ll also find 50 of my favourite recipes to get you inspired!
Looking for more support to feel in control around food? I'd love to support you in my Binge Free Academy.
Want to share some feedback or have an idea for an episode, I'd LOVE to hear from you - hit me up at hello@lyndicohen.com
Speaker 1:
Hey everyone, before you dive into today's episode, let's chat. Do you struggle with overeating or turning to food when big emotions hit? Do you wonder how you will ever stop raiding the pantry when everyone else has retreated to bed? Well, I have something new to share with you. I have created a Stop Struggling With Food Guide to help you let go of the strict diet rules and impulsive eating habits With practical tools to embrace eating more mindfully and intentionally. Plus, it's loaded with 50 of my favorite easy recipes. It will bring you some hope on those days when you feel like a failure. No woo-woo BS, but expert design strategies that work. From me, one of Australia's most renowned nutritionists and dietitians, sounds good. Then check the link in my show notes and let's get started on this journey together.
Speaker 1:
Last night I got home from dinner and no one was in the kitchen. I had the house to myself, which, honestly, that never happens and I love when that happens. But anyway, in the past this situation would have absolutely triggered me to lose control around food. In fact, the cycle I was stuck in is I would be so good with my eating all day. You know I'd follow the meal plan. I would take those low calorie options, those recipes. I'd create them, I'd stick to them all day and then inevitably I would come home in the afternoon and if no one was home I would lose control around eating. And even when it got to dinner time it felt like I couldn't quite fill the hole. I'd lie in bed at night telling myself I was going to do better tomorrow. I felt so guilty and, honestly, a bit pathetic. I thought I really did think that there was something wrong with me and I'd say okay, lindy, today you're going to do better, we're going to start again from scratch. And then that basically meant that I would restrict the next day. And so I was stuck in this pattern of being good all day quote unquote. But then I'd lose control at night.
Speaker 1:
And maybe this is you Do you diet during the day and secret eat at night? Or maybe not even secret eat, but you feel that sense of out of control on this. Perhaps you're restricting your portions during the day or eating plain, boring salads. Perhaps you have rules about what is an acceptable thing to eat, whether it's for your main meals or your snacks. Perhaps you have a calorie amount. You inadvertently think I have to stick within this for my allotted snack. You know I'm allowed fruit or nuts and I'm only allowed this many. And I remember when you read those Cosmo magazines that give you great snack ideas under a hundred calories, great snack ideas under 150 calories, and so the idea of eating something that was meal-sized for a snack was wild and can be a bit of a hard thing. Maybe you feel like you get mid-afternoon hunger cravings and at night you rampage and you feel like you can't be satisfied and then you get that same guilt cycle that I talked about at the beginning.
Speaker 1:
In this episode we're going to be talking about why you feel out of control around food at night. And hint, it's not about willpower or whether or not you're counting calories or not. We're going to talk about how daytime habits can very much affect your nighttime eating and I'm going to be giving you some very key strategies. So we're going to talk about the last supper mentality, the three packet principle. So stick around, it's going to be a goodie.
Speaker 1:
Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the no Wellness Wankery podcast. I am your host and your dietitian and your nutritionist, lindy Cohen, who does not believe that you just need better willpower or that you need to try harder on your diet. In fact, what I think is you've probably spent your entire life dedicated to dieting, and where has it gotten you? It's probably gotten you to the point where you never feel like you're at the right weight and you feel like food is a struggle. Food doesn't have to be a struggle, and when you learn a new approach to eating something we talk about in this podcast, along with the research and very practical tips to help you make it happen, you will become one of those people who feel relaxed and in control around food. Let's get into today's episode.
Speaker 1:
Starting off, let's explore this idea of diet burnout. Have you ever heard of that term? Diet burnout? If you are a frequent flyer dieter, you are probably very familiar with diet burnout, even if you don't know the name. So diet burnout is when you notice that each diet attempt has become less and less effective. When you first started dieting, perhaps you were really good at sticking to your plan, and then the second diet rolled around and you were still pretty good, but maybe you didn't last quite as long before you found yourself feeling a bit out of control with food. And as each diet attempt has come along, you're noticing that your ability to fall off. The bandwagon has become quicker and quicker and quicker. This was very true for me. I was very much deep with diet burnouts, where I would start my fresh diet that day and by afternoon I would be totally out of control and at my worst, the cycle was repeating itself multiple times a day. So if you are stuck in this vicious diet cycle restricting during the day, feeling completely overwhelmed then there is a way out. Remembering this, you gasp for air when you've been holding your breath and youp for air when you've been holding your breath and you binge on food when you've been restricting. Just to repeat that again, you gasp for air when you've been holding your breath and you binge on food when you've been restricting.
Speaker 1:
I talk about this idea of diet burnout in my book your Weight Is Not the Problem and I suggest a solution. So if you have not actually read your Weight Is Not the Problem, please, there are thousands of people who would say please go read that book. I would say please go read that book. It's such a brilliant intro into intuitive eating, into this philosophy and giving you real tools that you can take away to help get out of diet burnout. But just to give you a cliff notes, because I'm not expecting you to have read the book straight away.
Speaker 1:
To get out of diet burnout, you need to clear your headspace of all of these diet rules, diet rules that are making you restrict, and that is what's leading you to binge on food, just like that person holding their breath and then gasping for air. So when you're able to unpeel all these years and all these accumulated diet rules out of your brain, what you find is that you're able to make food choices from a different place, instead of feeling like, oh, I shouldn't be eating this. You might go, I'm going to have a few bites of something and go, I don't really feel like it. For example, I was just making my husband a birthday cake Well, not really a birthday cake. I'm terrible at baking, something I document on my Instagram. If you do not follow me. I'm at nude underscore nutritionist.
Speaker 1:
So instead of baking, I was like, okay, I'm going to make a parfait, which involves me creating a beautifully sweet cream, getting Oreos popping it in. And I was just licking the bowl just before coming to record and you know what I thought nah, this is good, but it's making me feel a little bit full, a little bit rich, I'm good for now. My body communicated with me and it said you know what You're good. This is making me feel a little bit like it's too rich, it's too much and I'm actually good to stop eating now. Now, back in my dieting days, I remember I'd be eating a dessert with my mom and she would say something like oh my goodness, this is so rich, I can barely eat this. That's my impersonation of my mom and I would look at her blank stare, going I don't know what you mean. I'm eating this and it doesn't taste that rich to me. I'm not getting that cue from my body to say this is so filling. Nothing in me is telling me to stop.
Speaker 1:
Because I was restricting, I didn't get the same hunger fullness cues that I was before. So by shedding all of these diet rules and this is something that does take a long time you start to become someone who can eat intuitively, who starts to get those hunger and fullness receptors firing a little bit more accurately, where you might become one of those people who goes this is rich. I understand what everyone was talking about. I can self-moderate because I genuinely don't want any more, but if you feel like you don't even know what something too rich feels like. As I said, I've been there. I know that you're not crazy, you're not delusional. It might be accurate that you genuinely don't even notice if something is rich, because it's like you've been holding your breath and now you're gasping for air. In other words, because you've been restricting, you're now binging on the very foods you haven't allowed yourself to have, and by giving yourself permission to do that, you will get out of diet burnout. You will start to regain that sense of satisfaction and fullness around food, and this is something you learn over time by practicing intuitive eating. And, of course, I teach you more about intuitive eating inside my book. Your Weight Is Not the Problem, so just another reason for you to get your paws on it. I will leave a link in the description so you can go get a copy if you don't already.
Speaker 1:
Now let's talk about the last supper mentality. Now, this is when you feel like, oh, you know what? I've been so bad already. I may as well just finish this bag of chips now so that I don't eat more later. Perhaps you're going. I'm eating my chocolate and oh my goodness, I've been so bad today. I may as well just eat the rest of the ice cream, finish the tub, drink everything that I can eat as much as I possibly can, because the diet starts fresh tomorrow. In other words, you're kind of giving yourself permission to binge on something because you think you'll do better once it's all finished, because then you'll have a clean slate.
Speaker 1:
Now the last supplementality is problematic because it's very much rooted in restriction. In other words, by saying to yourself I'm going to finish it so I can be good tomorrow, you're almost setting yourself up for yet another binge. You're sending the message to your brain that food is restricted, that there isn't plentiful, that you have to hurry up and eat as much as you possibly can before the famine or AKA the diet. Your body can't really tell. The difference is about to start, and so you're kind of creating much more of this huge binge and then the more of a restrictive phase, instead of finding that healthy, balanced middle ground. You're kind of creating much more of this huge binge and then the more of a restrictive phase instead of finding that healthy, balanced middle ground.
Speaker 1:
Now, if this feels like you and you're going, okay, yeah, I'm a last supper mentality person. Yes, I have diet burnout If you haven't yet done my free five-day course. This is a very good place to start. I give you free tips that I don't really share anywhere else, that I would love you to go and learn about. I once again, I will leave the link to that in the description.
Speaker 1:
But let's talk about a simple solution for the last supper mentality, and that is something called the three packet principle. Now, what is that? So nowadays, rather than removing the foods I feel the most out of control with and say, oh no, I'm not allowed to have them in the house, I'm trying to be good, which is very much that last supper mentality and something I very much used to do. I mean, all the time I was professional at it. Now I always have three packets of whatever it is that I feel is my go-to food in the house. So for me, chocolate is. I will be a chocolate lover till the day I die. I used to binge eat on chocolate. I've always had this real thing for chocolate. For some people I know that thing is chips, or maybe it's peanut butter, or Biscoff, or cereal or bread. There's lots of these foods.
Speaker 1:
Very often, the foods we feel a bit out of control with tend to be carbohydrate foods, and I think that is due to the fact that we live in a diet culture world that is currently demonizing carbohydrates, so the very foods we tell ourselves we're not allowed to have we feel the most out of control with. I don't think that's a coincidence. I think that's a very clear link. Now you pick the food that you feel most out of control with, that you want to regain control over whether it's chocolate or chips, and you go all right, I'm going to implement the three packet principle in our house, and that is when I finish the packet, I vow to myself that I will replenish it. What this does is it removes the fear of that last supper mentality, that idea of I will start fresh tomorrow If I finish this packet. It means there'll be a clean slate. It doesn't, because what we know is that that bag will keep reappearing because you have vowed to keep purchasing it.
Speaker 1:
Now, I know this can be a little bit scary and I have to say this isn't just eat whatever you want whenever you want. I do want you to be mindfully eating these foods when you are eating them, and so one thing I want you to do is to start to take the food whatever it is for me chocolate. I'll use that as an example and go and put it onto a plate and go and sit down and go and eat it or at least sit down, because I think so often the out of control eating happens when we are standing in our pantry putting the food in and, all the while feeling guilty and promising ourselves to do better, we're not actually enjoying it and simply saying to ourself there's always more, there's always going to be more. The chocolate is never going to run out. It's always here for me and truly knowing that and truly believing that using this three packet principle can help to, over time, reduce how stimulated you feel by whatever food it is you feel out of control with. So by using the three packet principle, with time you start to feel more immune to these foods. You stop feeling as out of control around them because you truly trust and know that anytime you want more, you can have more. This also really helps with diet burnout, because you're helping to prove to your body that food isn't going to be restricted and therefore there isn't the strong need to binge at night, particularly if secret eating is your thing. I think this is a really good thing to be doing.
Speaker 1:
Now perhaps you're saying, all right, well, I've got a partner who doesn't let me have certain foods in the house, or I'm a child and I live at home and I don't get to choose what foods are in the house. What I would say to you is a really smart way to do this. You can kind of do the three-packet principle in a different way, where you choose to go out to eat the food that you feel a little bit out of control with. Maybe you say to yourself if you're a child, you go okay, every day after school, I'm going to go get myself a piece of chocolate on my way home and I'm going to be able to eat that with enjoyment. And if I finish it, I know that tomorrow I will always be able to come back and have that chocolate if I want to have it. Or maybe you're going into a cafe and you're eating a pan of chocolate, or maybe you're ordering some Nutella on toast and you're eating it mindfully. The key to the three packet principle working is this idea that anytime I want more, I truly am allowed. It is the exact opposite of the last supper mentality, which is once I've finished this, I need to start fresh tomorrow.
Speaker 1:
The second solution is something I'm calling pigeon-sized portions, and this is when you're not eating enough during the day, and this can lead to binging at night. If you go back to episode number 85, why French women don't get fat we're talking about that old school diet book, but we are actually just talking about the things that we can take away from that book that were useful, and one of those things is prioritizing eating, satisfying and filling lunches. If you feel like most of your food is getting consumed at nighttime, it is a very obvious clue that you are not eating enough during the day. Ideally, I'd love you eating your breakfast as according to your hunger, and eating your larger meals during the daytime, so by the time it's getting to nighttime, you can taper off what you're eating and have a few hours without eating before you go to sleep. Of course, this is impossible to do if you are not eating enough during the day. And when you eat, I want to see a mix of macro and micronutrients. What do I mean? I just want to see carbs, I want to see protein and I want to see fat, and I want to see lots of veggies or fruit, whatever's relevant, and eating food that is substantial enough is going to be the key to not feeling out of control around food when it comes to nighttime. And the third solution is to spend calories to save calories. Now, I don't actually ever talk in calorie terms, but for your dieting brain perhaps it makes sense to you.
Speaker 1:
I think that, as I said, we have an idea of how much we are allowed to eat. Sometimes that is tied to something like points or calories. I used to think that I couldn't have a snack that was more than 150 calories, and you know what it used to do to me. It used to mean that I couldn't have a snack that was more than 150 calories, and you know what it used to do to me. It used to mean that I couldn't stop eating when it came to my mealtime because I was so hungry. I'd do something called snowball snacking, which is when I'd start with a handful of nuts, trying to be good, then I'd go oh, I'll just have a few more crackers. Then I'd have a yogurt, then I had an apple, then I crackers, then I'd have a yogurt, then I had an apple, then I'd have some chocolate, then I had some chips, and you know, the snowball would go out of control.
Speaker 1:
Next thing, I know I've eaten about, you know, a thousand calories, all because I wasn't going to allow myself the privilege, not even the privilege, just the basic need of eating enough because I was hungry. So if I had eaten something like a piece of toast with avocado probably more like 250 calories you could see how spending those calories would actually help me save so much more. So what I'm saying is eat more to eat less. If eating food that is more satisfying and, yes, it might have a few more calories in it, or maybe it's got a little bit more sugar, a little bit more salt but if this means you're going to enjoy it, you're going to actually feel full, you're going to feel satisfied then you absolutely win. And if you're going I don't even know how to do this what does a satisfying meal look like? What kind of things am I allowed to eat?
Speaker 1:
Then, of course, my app Back to Basics is a really, really good resource with hundreds of easy recipes, and I've basically done all the calculations and the hard work for you so that you don't have to mull over calories, you don't have to mull over micronutrients or macronutrients or whether or not it's good or it's bad. So by using an app like Back to Basics. It takes the food thoughts out of it. You can just go. Okay, I feel a little bit more relaxed Now.
Speaker 1:
The point of Back to Basics is to teach you a new way of thinking about food. Give you those ideas, that inspiration to get you out of your food rush so that in the future you won't need to rely on an app to eat. You'll have your body, you'll know how to eat intuitively and you'll have those go-to options ready for you. But Back to Basics can play a big role in the relearning how to eat and I think it's a great resource. If you want to try it, free, I'll leave a link in the description down below.
Speaker 1:
And lastly, I just want to leave you with this idea Even if you have been dieting for years, for decades, even if you are so entrenched in this cycle of being so good during the day and overeating at night, you can become someone who eats when they're hungry, who stops when they feel full and doesn't obsess over food. Become someone who eats when they're hungry, who stops when they feel full and doesn't obsess over food. I promise it is possible. I have seen it happen with so many clients and myself. I was binge eating multiple times a day, and now I'm the kind of girl who goes nah, I'm full, that is rich and I can taste it, and that is possible for you too. I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. If you have a topic you would love to hear about, or you've got some feedback, some thoughts or something nice to say, please do reach out. You can find me at hello at lindycohencom and I'd love to hear from you. All right, I'll see you next time on the no Wellness Wankery podcast. Bye.