121: How to build unstoppable confidence and live your best carefree life - with Shelly Horton

Want to feel more confident and learn how to deal with online negativity? 

This episode is your guide, featuring the incredible Shelley Horton, who shares her confidence-transforming strategy. 

Shelley talks about facing harsh online criticism about her appearance, opens up about her journey with body image and how dressing in a way that made her feel good helped her confidence. From overcoming setbacks, like being kept off-air because of her size, to embracing "dopamine dressing," Shelley's story is truly inspiring.

Improving how you present yourself can really change things, especially in business. Shelley gives practical tips for building self-confidence based on her experiences and emphasises the importance of being kind to yourself along the way. Whether you're a business owner, professional, or in a trade, Shelley's Speak with Impact Workshop is perfect for sharpening your on-camera skills and communication.

Get ready to laugh and be inspired to ignite your confidence. This is an episode you won't want to miss.

Speaking of confidence... learn to recreate looks with items you already own and fall in love with your body with my Confidence Cure  Course 💗

Want to feel more in control around food? Check out my Stop Struggling With Food Guide, currently on sale for 40% off.
You’ll also find 50 of my favourite recipes to get you inspired!

Get my Free 5 Day Course to help you stop binge and emotional eating. 

Looking for more support to feel in control around food? I'd love to support you in my Binge Free Academy. 

If you don't already - come follow me on the gram at @nude_nutritionist (no nude pics, sorry).

Want to share some feedback or have an idea for an episode, I'd LOVE to hear from you - hit me up at hello@lyndicohen.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

He said. So what you need to do is you need to make a list of 10 people whose opinions really matter to you and you put that in your phone in the notes section and then when you get a negative you know troll comment, you look at the comment and go. Douche canoe 69 says I'm too fat to be on TV. Douche canoe 69. Are you on my list? Oh my God, I'm too fat to be on TV. Douche Canoe 69, are you on my list? Oh my God, you're not on my list of people who matter. Sorry, sorry, douche Canoe, your opinion doesn't matter. Mr Douche Canoe, for me it was one session with a psychologist was all I needed to get my head back into the game.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Shelley Shelley, thank you for coming on the podcast, so nice to see you.

Speaker 1: 1:26

I mean, I wish I was there in person so we could cuddle, but this is the next best thing because that's what we used to do.

Speaker 2: 1:31

We'd run into each other on channel nine and be like hello how are you looking very? Glamorous in the green room, and the green room was not glamorous at all. Was, was it?

Speaker 1: 1:39

No, no, like bits of carpet missing and a louver broken. But you know the magic of TV, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:47

So what matters is what is in front of the camera, and you are excellent at being, I mean, in front of the camera. That is your thing, in fact. I think I've always looked at you and thought you are someone who is innately confident, and the way that you come across on TV is just that you know yourself and you like yourself, although I kind of also know that that's not always the case. Right, we don't always know ourselves?

Speaker 1: 2:10

No, and, to be fair, I don't know anyone who's confident 100% of the time. I think if you were confident 100% of the time, it would mean you're off your meds and you probably need to seek some treatment. So for me, I think that confidence you get peaks and troughs, but the thing is what I have learned and what I now teach is, when you're not feeling confident, how to get yourself back up off the ground and make sure that you can perform when you need to, but also to go. Sometimes it's okay to just have a day where you've got to pull the doona over your head, like let's not be on all the time.

Speaker 2: 2:49

What do you do on those days where you wake up and you're going shit. Just don't love what I look like today. I don't like how I'm feeling in myself. What do you do?

Speaker 1: 2:58

I'm 50 now. I'm 50 now. I'm an old tart and I don't really have days where I don't like how I look, which is kind of nice, which is, I think, a part of getting older and giving less fucks. Not sure if I'm allowed to swear, but that's what it is. I think that I was much, much more self-conscious when I was younger and I used to get trolled on TV for my weight and things like that. What do you mean?

Speaker 2: 3:27

People would write to the TV station.

Speaker 1: 3:30

No, no, no. They would troll me on social media or on Channel 9 social media and say get that fat hag off TV or I can't listen to her because there's too much shit running down her double chins, you know really always attacking me and how I look, not attacking what I'm saying, which is always I'm just like you idiots, and that took some time to actually realise that that's their issue, not my issue.

Speaker 2: 4:02

On the note of trolls, I often think anytime I've gotten a troll, it is always about my appearance. It is almost always from a man. It is very rarely that I'm going to get cut down from a woman and they all attack me about things that just my physical appearance. It almost feels like it's an easy win for them Realizing that they're the insecure ones. That kind of sounds like that's the journey you've been on here. Kind of go fuck it. Who really cares what they think?

Speaker 1: 4:28

So I had a great session with I don't know if you know Dr Tim Sharp. He's also known as Dr Happy. Anyway, I had been using him as a contact in a lot of my stories and using him as a resource, and then I had a time where I got trolled horribly because I criticized Eddie Maguire and the way that he speaks about women and treats women, which I, to this day, stand by. I think he treats women really badly. However, it went to air on Today Show and they put it up on their social media and then all the Collingwood supporters and people like that jumped on board and I got about 500 death threats, rape threats, and I was talking about how he was treating women poorly. So even in that, I'm like this is just, I guess. Yeah, I just felt like showing the Twitter account and going your honor, you know, like this, this is exactly the problem. But I had some really horrible ones that were like don't walk alone at night, cause I'm going to be hiding in the shadows to rape you. Like just stuff that is very hard to get out of your head. And then all of it became about my weight and how fat I was, and we shouldn't have someone as fat as you on TV and I even had someone call me unrapeable, like even that sort of stuff. So of course, on the flip side, I had hundreds of positive stories from women and positive comments and saying thank you for standing up for us and thank you for speaking out. I can't quote them to you. It's something about the human psychology. You remember the really negative ones.

Speaker 1: 6:07

Anyway, I knew I wasn't coping on that day and this was about geez now it's about seven or eight years ago because I was making a cup of tea and I accidentally made Earl Grey instead of English breakfast and that made me burst into tears. So I figured I wasn't coping that well. So anyway, I rang Dr Happy and I'm just like Tim, this feels like a bit of an emergency. I need to get in and see you. He's like come in straight away. And I showed him all of the comments and he was brilliant. These days I would report them to the police. But back then we didn't really have that knowledge about reporting people. So Tim said you know, are you afraid for your life? Because I will go to the police station with you. But I was like, not really, these guys are just keyboard warriors. Like it's not that important. He said okay, you need to ask yourself this Are you happy with what you said? Yes, is your employer happy with what you said? Yes, are your friends and family happy with what you said? Yes, he said so.

Speaker 1: 7:07

What you need to do is you need to make a list of 10 people whose opinions really matter to you and you put that in your phone in the notes section and then when you get a negative troll comment, you look at the comment and go douche canoe 69 says I'm too fat to be on TV. Douche canoe 69, are you on my list? Oh, my God, you're not on my list of people who matter. Sorry, sorry, douche canoe.

Speaker 1: 7:33

Your opinion doesn't matter, mr Douche Canoe, and it just sounds like such a simple exercise, but you know what? It is so effective and sometimes it just takes that to get you out of the spiral and to come back to making sure that you are not taking it personally. But again, I strongly recommend to anyone who is out there in the media and they might have some controversial views if you are not coping with people who are trolling you, please get some help. Like there are so many things you can do these days, and for me it was. One session with a psychologist was all I needed to get my head back into the game.

Speaker 2: 8:10

So when you're not feeling that confident, it's kind of part of it's going I'm not feeling so confident, and then let me do something proactive that I can do, and it could just be a session with someone. It could be speaking to someone, but just don't stay alone in it.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Right, absolutely, and share how you're feeling, because I think that's when you can spiral. So I'll go back to when you said what do I do when I'm not feeling confident? When I wake up, I run three businesses Like I'm ridiculous.

Speaker 2: 8:37

You are ridiculous, I am ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 8:42

But what I have now learned is I need at least one zero day, that's what I call it. It's a zero day where I've got no commitments. I don't even have to go and do the food shopping or anything like that, and it is just. I take the dogs for a walk on the beach, I catch up on like Grey's Anatomy and all of my trashy TV that I love, and it's just whatever fills my cup up. You know I might have a massage. I honestly okay, I've done that like twice this year, but it sounds good to say. But I find by trying to have a zero day once a week or once a fortnight, that is what maintains my mental health, my confidence, everything, because I'm not running on empty and I think that that's really important. You really need to have some self-care, look after yourself and know that if you're not feeling confident, you're probably tired, you're probably overworked. There are probably a lot of other factors that are playing into it.

Speaker 2: 9:45

I'm always amazed by how much more I can like myself after a really good night's sleep. It's tricky to find sometimes, or even just the power of five minutes to clean my face. I mean, I don't know, it's not about looking prettier. Sometimes it's just about feeling a little bit freshened up. It makes a difference for me. So you talked a bit about the pressure you felt in the media from trolls. Have you felt pressure from working on TV as a woman generally? Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 10:17

I mean, I've now been in the media for 30 years, so imagine what it was like 30 years ago. There was no one on TV over a size 10, not even a 10. There were probably eight, and so it was really hard for me to. You can't be what you can't see, and so I was always very hard on myself and wouldn't even verbalize to other people that I wanted to be on TV, because I thought I would be judged. They're like well, you're not the right look for TV, and so that really did play into things, and I and I did have a horrible experience. I'm going to sound like I'm slamming Channel 9. I work there now. I love you, channel 9.

Speaker 1: 11:02

However, in 1999, I was taken off air for being too fat and I was size 10.

Speaker 1: 11:10

Whoa, yeah, and not even just that.

Speaker 1: 11:14

So I one time because I was working for the Australian version of Entertainment Tonight and I was the red carpet reporter and the you know out in the field, and one time and this is how long ago it was I was interviewing Mickey Rooney traveling around Australia and me being me, I was wearing some grey slacks and I sat on my red lipstick and got this big waxy red mark, which is not ideal.

Speaker 1: 11:40

So I ran up to Channel 9 wardrobe and I'm just like guys, I just need a pair of pants because I can't wear these. I'm a size 10. And the wardrobe stylist just looked at me and like even they blushed, and they were like we might have something in the men's section Wow. So the fact that they didn't even have clothes of that size shows how much it was just ingrained. Now can I say, though, I'm a size 16 to 18 now, and I'm on TV and I feel great about myself. So thank you, channel 9, for you know probably you know reassuring me that people do change, companies do change, and I think these days, women want to see all sizes and shapes on TV, they want to see themselves reflected and they want to see that you can be a confident, smart woman and you don't have to be a size zero.

Speaker 2: 12:36

Nothing inspires me more when I see a woman who is confident in herself, and it reminds me that I do not need to shrink my body in order to feel confident. I can't tell you how much that content matters to me, how much I need to see it, and you're one of those people who does that for me, one of the things I've been loving recently by following you and if you don't already follow Shelly, please do everyone, please, please do. I'm really, really Shelly Horton one. Please follow her Number one, cause she's the best in the description. I'll leave a link so you can find her, but you've been doing a whole bunch of dopamine dressing, little posts.

Speaker 2: 13:43

Yes so you're kind of going listen, I like this look and it's a confident look and you look great and I look at those and I go oh, I just love what you're doing. Tell me about dopamine dressing.

Speaker 1: 13:55

So there's actually science behind this and it shows that if you're wearing bright colours and it could, it could be bright block colors, or it could be bright patterns or bright floral patterns it makes you feel happier. And so I was in Melbourne recently, where everyone's in black, like no one wears color down there, and of course me, I was wearing like electric blue or maybe red, and you know what I felt like I was a movie star walking down the street because I'm like you guys are fading into the background and I think for so many years I would wear black and it was exactly that to make myself smaller, so that I didn't draw attention to myself. And now I'm like hell. No, this is actually about.

Speaker 1: 14:40

Sometimes you may not be feeling confident, but by putting on a bright yellow top or something, it's almost like your coat of armor and you're like look out, world. I am here and I'm not making any excuses for myself. So I use that as a bit of a trick all the time and you know what it just works. It just makes me feel happy and the number of people who comment or just like I will be walking down the street and someone will go great jacket. I'm like. Thanks so much. You don't get that if you're wearing black.

Speaker 2: 15:11

No, you don't. Oh, my goodness, I am all about this, I love this. I. My mom says this to me. She says, lindy, have you noticed the main character in a rom-com, main character in any film? They don't wear black, they don't just watch, they don't because they are the main character.

Speaker 2: 15:27

And if you've got main character energy, you're not wearing boring bland colors. And if you've got a wardrobe where you open it and you go, it just doesn't feel like me. Getting dressed feels like a chore, a pain. You feel like you've got a wardrobe stuffed full of stuff yet nothing to wear. Perhaps it is because you've been sold that 90s idea around if you're an apple or a pear or whatever, like what a fucking fruit you are, that you have to dress to shape that instead of just going. Okay, I'm not going to build an entire wardrobe, that's just slimming. I'm going to build a wardrobe that feels like me, that helps me feel confident in myself. This is what's exciting me at the moment is this idea of women going actually clothes shopping doesn't have to be a nightmare.

Speaker 2: 16:09

It can be enjoyable and can make our lives a whole lot more fun.

Speaker 1: 16:13

So I've just become an ambassador for Motto Fashions M-O-T-T-O, and they are a Melbourne duo, mother and daughter. Faye is 70 and Lauren, her daughter's, in her thirties, and they are amazing and they are all about the bright colors and clashing colors and all that sort of stuff. And they have actually just released a range called we're In Our Fuck it Era and I'm just like, oh, I could not have a better match with a group of people and it was just fantastic. I went down to Melbourne recently and they were just like bring an empty suitcase and they just piled all of these clothes in and we are talking neon pinks and royal blues and hot reds and I'm just like this is exactly what it's about. Don't dress for what other people might think. Dress for what makes you feel happy and feel confident and style is confidence.

Speaker 2: 17:07

It really is more than the same. Sometimes we look at someone and go, oh, that's so cool, but I wouldn't have the confidence to wear that. So it is about building up that little confidence to kind of go maybe one of the things. I've got a new program coming out called Confidence Cure. It's all about how to style, create a wardrobe that you freaking love, that you don't have to lose weight to feel good in and that's kind of the thing, so helping you shop better and not make so many silly purchasing mistakes Cause, gee, we do a lot of them, oh my God, yes.

Speaker 2: 17:35

And so if what you, one of the things I want you to do is to find the regulars, the stuff that you often, always have, and then add in that personality piece, even if it's just one little pop of color Because I know if you're a Melbourneite and you just wear black, you might be a bit scared by us in our dopamine dressing Just a little hint of color can help you feel more confident.

Speaker 1: 17:56

A hint of color or also just maybe a bit of a sequin Like I love sequins in daytime because it's a little bit unexpected, it's a little bit fun. And the other thing is I bought these ridiculously cheap silver sequin shoes and you know, when you're just like, they make me feel happy. I feel like I wish as an adult I could have those shoes that toddlers have that light up when you walk, because I would wear them. I would rock that on stage.

Speaker 2: 18:27

My son has colour-changing shoes. His shoes change colour in the sun and I'm thinking this is bloody great, it's exciting, I love it. I could talk to you forever about style. I mean, I think you very much help people feel more confident in themselves. Do you have any tips and tricks for us? Helping us fake? Is it about faking confidence? What is it? Of course you can?

Speaker 1: 18:49

I mean, I think my thing is. So I have a workshop that I do called speak with impact, and the thing that I teach people is don't just wing it, like if you've got to give an important talk at work, or even if you've got to give an important talk at work, or even if it's just speaking up in a meeting at work, or if you've got to give a speech at a wedding, the reason that you will be wanting to vomit with nerves and worrying is because you're not prepared. So for me I've got some exercises that you do, that sort of wake up your face and get your breathing organized so you get your nerves under control. But then if you've got a couple of dot points and you know it doesn't matter how it comes out, as long as I get to these dot points, I'm in control then it is so much easier. So I think so many of us expect that you can just wing it and expect that you don't have to do a preparation. I still do prep for every single time I'm on TV, and I've been doing it for 30 years. So for me it's kind of it gives you the base and then you can, you know, bloom from there and I think you can use that in any situation. Just have a. Have a little prep. I also teach people any situation. Just have a little prep.

Speaker 1: 20:02

I also teach people. Record yourself on your iPhone no-transcript, watch it back with the sound down and just look at you and then you'll see if your face is like you're saying I'm so happy to be here, and your face is saying I want to run away, I hate everything. Or you'll see if you do a nervous thing where you're tucking your hair behind your ear or something, or you're fiddling with your clothes. You'll see all of that body language and the way you communicate with your body. Then the next thing to do is get the same clip press play but turn the phone over so you can't see yourself, and then just listen. And when you've taken the visual away, then you can see if you've got that excitement in your voice or if you're telling a story where you might slow down a bit for a little bit of drama, and then you bring your voice up and then you get really excited and then you come to a crescendo. You can then see that you are entertaining people with your voice.

Speaker 1: 21:02

So I was given this advice. I swear it had to be like 2002 and it was from the executive producer of Australian Story, which I still think is one of the best shows on TV. And she said to me when you are happy with the audio and happy with the visual, then you're nailing your presenting, you are presenting with confidence. And she taught me that in one afternoon. And I then ran into her maybe five years later. I was working at Channel 7 then and I'm like Helen Shelley, you know, you changed my life in one afternoon and she didn't remember me so that was awkward.

Speaker 2: 21:41

But I gotta say you don't know what she looks like. She's a red.

Speaker 1: 21:46

No, never look. It's one of those great things where Helen Graswell just decided that she would help younger female journos on their journey and she would give up her time to do it. So she did it all the time. The great thing was because we then reconnected and I bought her dinner. We stayed in contact for years so it was all good. But I think it's hilarious when you can say you changed my life and they're like I have no idea.

Speaker 2: 22:13

I think this is such good advice for anyone who's sitting on the sideline right now, who we know that social media is a huge part of promoting a business. It's such a big thing to put yourself out there to post your silly little reels on Instagram can feel really scary, and so what you're saying is it practice right, Like practice filming yourself and also.

Speaker 1: 22:36

I recommend like, people don't buy a product, they buy from you, so they want to see the owner of the business, they want to see that you care about it.

Speaker 1: 22:45

So I think it's important that you do get on camera and for me, I think batch filming is a great way to do it. So don't just try and do one every day, because that is exhausting. Get yourself in a couple of outfits, you know, make sure that you're feeling good, the lighting's great, and then film 10 of them, and then you might only want to put up one a week, or two a week, but then you've got five weeks worth of content there. So I think it's about being a bit more organized and just also, if you're a bit nervous, put it onto stories, because that disappears in 24 hours, you know. Like, get the confidence up. But just get into that habit of presenting and speaking to your audience. And then the more you do it, the easier it gets, and you'll know that. I mean, I've looked at your social media for years and it just gets better and better and better and better, because you learn as you go.

Speaker 2: 23:38

Yeah, but if you look back at my social media, I sucked. I sucked in the beginning. You know I was so bad.

Speaker 1: 23:44

It's okay to suck, though Like we can't expect that we're perfect at everything, because I think then there's a huge amount of responsibility that you're putting on yourself and a huge amount of pressure. So just say, guess what, I'm going to suck for a bit, but I'm going to do this with a bit of a twinkle in my eye and go come on, come on the ride, people. It could be bumpy, but let's do it.

Speaker 2: 24:08

I wonder if that's also another problem that people experience when they're going to present is over-preparing, being the perfectionist of kind of going no, I have to get everything right. I can't post this until I am perfect. So what you're saying is embrace the suck. You're going to suck a little. You're not going to be where you know. Shelley's been doing this for 30 years. You're not going to be at Shelley level. You're just going to have to like practice again and again, and again to be at Shelley level.

Speaker 1: 24:34

You're just going to have to like practice again and again and again. And that's why I always recommend people have dot points, not scripts. If you have everything written out, word, perfect, you're not an actor. You're not going to deliver it perfectly. I can't do it with all of my experience. But if you have dot points, you just have a structure and the rest can be you chatting, and that's really what helps people.

Speaker 2: 24:56

I adore this. Shelley, you are divine. Is there any other tips you'd like to give anyone to feeling more at peace with their bodies, with themselves, and feeling more confident?

Speaker 1: 25:08

Look, I think that I have battled with my body image for most of my life and I'm just so happy. Also, gratitude for your book, which I still. I actually have a physical copy, but I also love Audible, so it's like you read it to me, which?

Speaker 2: 25:25

I love I'm going to sleep.

Speaker 1: 25:27

And I've done some of the things like crowding in veggies and trying to be more intuitive with my eating. But I think I've also just given myself a bit of a break and I think one of the biggest things I found is I remember once I decided to join a gym and I was almost in tears because I was the largest girl in the class and they were, all you know, fabulous at it and I wasn't. And then I had in and I just it was. I think it was like one of those pump classes or something, so I didn't even know how to put the weights on all of that sort of thing. But I had another woman in the class and she just said, hey, just follow what I do, and it was so kind. And then afterwards I realized I was obsessing about how I looked and no one was looking at me. They were looking at themselves in the mirror and they all have their own things going on.

Speaker 1: 26:21

So maybe just run your own race and don't be hypercritical, because there will be other people going. I look at someone and say, oh my God, she's got the most incredible body. They look at me and go I love her red hair. Like there's always something that someone else is picking up about you, that it's never your insecurities. And I also think try to be kinder in the way you speak to yourself, because if I'm in a funk and I can hear my negative self-talk, I would never say that to another human being.

Speaker 1: 26:56

So I've tried to flip it and think of it as if I was my best friend in this situation. What would I say to her? I'd be like you've got this. You're amazing. I love you. I can't believe what you're doing. Like it would be so hype girl, but we just don't do that to ourselves. We are the ones who'll be like picking ourselves to pieces in the mirror. So try and be your own hype girl, but we just don't do that to ourselves. We are the ones who'll be like picking ourselves to pieces in the mirror. So try and be your own hype girl. Give yourself a bloody break.

Speaker 2: 27:19

You're doing great. I love that. I mean, I feel better already after that little pep talk you just gave us. Shelley Horton, you are divine. I would encourage everyone to go and do your workshop. Your workshop is happening. There's a few dates happening for the end of this year, right, yes?

Speaker 1: 27:36

I know I'm sold out until September, which I'm a little bit excited about, I know, and they're on the Gold Coast, so look out. I kind of sort of set some boundaries, because I get on planes a lot and my husband has built a studio in our house. So I'm like, no, come to the Goldie. So I make them on a Friday afternoon. So I'm like invest in yourself, have a half day with me working on getting better at presenting on camera and how to promote your business, and then have the weekend on the Gold Coast, have a little mini break, and it's working perfectly. I've got people coming up from Tasmania, from Melbourne, from Sydney, and I actually think now I should be an ambassador for the Gold Coast. I think I'm bringing all of you Southerners up here. Gold Coast tourism are you listening?

Speaker 2: 28:28

Yeah, exactly, but who is this for? Who would be ideal, I'm thinking small business owners.

Speaker 1: 28:34

Small business owners is mainly what I'm getting. So I've got mainly women who are running their own business. I've got a couple of women who've come along who just get really tongue tied but they have to speak up at work. And one came to see me because she got a promotion and now she's in charge of 20 staff and she said I get that nervous red rash goes up my neck just speaking to 20 people. But I also get blokes.

Speaker 1: 29:00

I've got a bloke who I'm training, on Saturday actually, and he is a tradie, and he just said I know I just don't communicate what I'm going to create for people very well and I need to work on that. And he's only in his twenties and so he's like I need to do this now and I'm like, wow, if only I had that much insight when I was in my twenties. So yeah, so it's. It's for people who need to step up in front of camera and and they want to do a good job or step up in front of people and speak and make an impact with how they speak.

Speaker 2: 29:33

I love that. If you want to come across as confident, and even if you have to fake it for a little bit, then Shelley is such a good person to speak to. Shelley, thank you for coming on the podcast. I will leave links so everyone can follow you, find you and come to one of your workshops.

Speaker 1: 29:48

Thanks so much, honey. It was so nice to catch up with you. Let's do it again. Bye, bye, bye.