Adelaide Saywell: ADHD & Autism - AuDHD AF

Trigger Warning: There are some very triggering topics mentioned from the very start of this episode, including: depression, anxiety, ED, alcoholism, addiction, chronic pain, BPD, mental health struggles, suicide, suicidal ideation, misdiagnosis and bullying. Also contains swearing. 

That said, this interview with the LEGENDARY Adelaide Saywell, much like the Content Creator themself,is an absolute joy! I am incredibly grateful to Adelaide for giving me their time,sharing their lived experiences & enlightening me on Autism and AuDHD; neither of which I have any lived experience nor much knowledge about.  Adelaide uses their enormous platforms on Instagram, YouTube and Tik Tok to support others with similar struggles. Their vulnerability, positivity, tips and reminders are invaluable and inspirational. 

Adlelaide severely struggled with their mental health from the age of 14, which led to them being sectioned under the mental health act at 21.  Having received a Misdiagnoses of EUPD Previously known as BPD; through their own research she identified ADHD and Autism and was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 28... and after some serious self advocacy for Right To Choose(!) they received their Autism diagnosis. Adelaide is currently training to become an ADHD Coach. WHAT A LEGEND! 

THANK YOU SO MUCH ADELAIDE! 

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Transcript

This is very surreal  because although this won't be the last interview that you hear, which is recorded in this little village on Aberdeen beach in Northeast Scotland, as I've been recording for months on end, so I've got a backlog. It is the very last time I will be recording these intros and outros.

Because we are leaving our quirky little dream home in just two days time. And I have got a couple of corkers of most ADHD thing moving house stories, which I'll be sharing at the end of this episode. Also at the end, there will be a cameo video. From another very special guest who has something very exciting to tell you about.

But before all of that, I'm very excited to finally share this interview with the amazing Adelaide Saywell. If you don't already follow at Adelaide Saywell, you really need to get on board because she is an absolute dream. Their content is so informative, inspirational, helpful. joyful and just an absolute feast for the eyes with their glorious pastel palette and creations.

I shared at the end of season two that Adelaide would be a guest this season and then alongside the enormous backlog and events and everything else, including, well, as any of you who have listened to the self sabotage episode with Kim Pierpoint will know, yeah, that too.  So, as you'll hear from the timings discussed, This interview has been a long time coming.

I was in touch with Adelaide last week and in their own words, she said, this year has been a blink. And it truly has. But then again, I feel like this first half of 2024 has been both eight minutes and eight bloody lifetimes.  Adelaide has both ADHD and autism, also known as ADHD. So I really tried to get as much information about both and how they present together for Adelaide.

Neurodivergence presents differently in every single individual and how these conditions are experienced can change over the course of our lifetimes due to life circumstances and even hormones. As I've said many times on this podcast and in the live shows, autism and ADHD. Are the most commonly co occurring neurodivergent conditions.

And though this podcast is called ADHD AF, and though I myself do not identify as autistic, and this podcast generally being since doing it on my own, my experiences, whilst I invite others along for the late discovery rollercoaster ride, I have tried to share the unique experiences of many.  Now, if you remember at the start of Amy Polly's interview in season two, we shared how as neither Dawn nor myself were raising families of our own, despite the listenership demographic denoting that likely the majority of you will be parents, that it did not feel like our place to focus on an area that was not our lived experience and therefore not our lane. 

We then went on to share all of the episodes up to that point where parenting was covered so that anybody looking for ADHD and parenting content could find our best efforts to cover that area. So similarly, though, all DHD isn't a focus of this podcast.  It has been discussed many times. In the very little time I've had before moving to look back over the 120 something episodes, these are the main interviews in which the guest talks about autism.

So way back in October 22, Forever Yours Betty, ADHD, Autism and Orange. In September 23, Kate Osborne, our Katie Osaurus, who also talks about intimacy. In the same month, we had Kit Waring, who discovered her neurodivergence at 70 and self diagnosed or DHD. In November 23, Riyad Khalif, who also shared self support advice amidst the medication shortage.

In December 23, fuck Christmas, with the legendary lady of the ADHD adults, who now goes by the name of Mrs. or DHD. And this year, myself and Lucy of Lucy and Yak discussed our limited and second hand understanding. And although co occurring conditions such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcoholism, addiction, dyspraxia, chronic pain, and many more have all been discussed on this platform, autism isn't only the most commonly co occurring condition of ADHD, it is also the most commonly reoccurring topic discussed on this platform.

ADHD focused platform. Aside from of course ADHD. At the end I will also signpost to some other platforms which are able to give their lived experience and knowledge of autism and or DHD because I do not have lived experience and only very limited knowledge. But I want everybody to be able to access the support that they need.

As does the absolutely legendary, the one and only Adelaide.  Say it well. Enjoy! 

So blatantly obvious, the late discovery, diagnosis and treatment at 38 for severe combined type ADHD in 2022 not only improved, but genuinely saved my life, which I have since dedicated to fighting for change amidst the global ADHD crisis. As the acronym suggests, I swear like a sailor. And each episode will contain sensitive subject matter.

So please always read the description before diving in, where you will also find a link to resources for support. These crucial conversations with experts by lived experience are shared to inform, validate, shame, eradicate, and unite the ADHD community with a fair few laughs along the way. I've been labelled too much all my life, but finally I celebrate my too muchness and use my justice sensitivity to let the world know that ADHD presents differently in each individual.

Self diagnosis is valid and that ADHD is not a trend, ADHD is real. And I want all ADHDers of all genders to know, you are not alone. The leopard is a symbol of Aberdeen, Scotland, where this podcast began. It also symbolises bravery, the reclaiming of power, and I'm a total hun. So Leopard Printers become the uniform of the ADHD AF community, uniting to support each other and push for change, which together we can make happen.

We are the Leopard. Hi, I'm Laura and I am ADHD AF. 

Hello. Hi. How are you doing? I'm okay, how are you?  Good, thank you so much for this. Of course. I'm so excited to speak to you. I'm going to start with some quickfire questions. Name. Adelaide.  Pronouns. Okay. Uh, she, they. She, they. What would you prefer?  I'm happy with either. Happy with either, okay. Location?

Manchester. Are you from Manchester?  Technically, yeah. More Bolton, but no one knows where that is. I've got an auntie in Bolton. Oh, really?  Probably like the only person that's ever like, known where Bolton is.  Yeah, love a bit of Bolton. Your occupation? Technically social media, I guess. A content creator. 

It's a funny title, isn't it? Because it feels a bit empty for what you're actually doing because you're giving so much to people, like actually you're like pearls of wisdom giver. I am training to be an ADHD coach though. Are you? I'm starting my own like business as an artistic ADHD coach. So that will be my occupation eventually.

Oh, I love it. It's going so well. I genuinely feel like I've found my calling. It's amazing. Oh my god, I'm so happy for you, that's so cool!  Okay, so, favourite film?  Scream. Scream? Oh, the original? Yeah, Our Promising Young Woman is like, up there as well. Oh my god, how good is that?  I sobbed. Honestly, I've actually just got goosebumps even thinking about it, that you've just reminded me about that film, it is phenomenal.

It's so good, like, there's so many like, I could talk about that film forever.  Yeah. Honestly. Okay. Another time. Yeah. Okay. Favorite animal?  A cow.  A cow?  Yeah. Cows and sharks. Cows and sharks. Mostly cows. Sharks. Me too. Me too.  Dopamine dresser or calming neutrals? I'm gonna go with dopamine dresser. Dopamine dresser.

Always cooler.  What was your childhood nickname? Oh I don't think I had one. Oh I don't know. I used to get called like, it wasn't so much a nickname, but I used to work in this cafe when I was like 15 and they had a little notebook and I legally changed my name to Adelaide, it used to be Jade, and she had a book and it was called The Book of Jadisms and it was just a jadism and it was anytime I said something or did something that was like not normal I was like It's so odd to be like, right, we're going to write that in the book, like, It's going in the book!

Yeah. In jest though, in jest, for fun. Yeah, for fun, like, it wasn't like, bullying me. It was like, a fun little, I think it was anyway, but I hope so. What city in the world are you most like? I'm gonna go with Venice. Like, I love Venice. It's very colourful and it's very, There's like a lot to do and there's a lot underneath the surface, like it's not just what you think it is, like you look at pictures of Venice and you think oh it's just that place with loads of water, but like you go there and it's just like there's so much culture and so much, there's so much there and it's just amazing and I feel like I'd be Venice.

That's a great answer. Yeah. Planning, love it or loathe it? I love it, I'm not very good at it. But I love it. I plan ever, like I get so much dopamine from the plan that I can then not follow through with the thing that I was planning.  ADHD diagnosis status. So obviously self diagnosis is valid. Diagnosed professionally.

Early or late? Late diagnosed. I was diagnosed when I was 28. And was that an easy or traumatic process? No.  It wasn't traumatic, it was long, and it was a lot of different assessments and phone calls and just a lot of waiting, um, yeah, but just very valuable process. So, we'd probably say, not very accessible.

Oh yeah, no, not accessible at all, and you get no help while you're waiting, and then you don't get any help after you've got your diagnosis either, so. No, absolutely. Off you go, there you go. Um, what led you to suspect you have ADHD? ADHD. So my brother actually is diagnosed with ADHD. He was diagnosed when he was a child.

Of course! We're very different but I always knew that I wasn't the same as everyone else. I just never knew why and I always felt like I just, I was trying so much harder to do the bare minimum than, like, and everyone else seemed to just be able to, like, grasp things and it wasn't until I was maybe in my early 20s  that I started thinking I feel like this could be ADHD.

Because of some research that I'd done like online and seeing like videos of people. And I was like, I do that, but I'm not the same as my brother. So it's not ADHD. Yes. And I ended up being diagnosed with EUPD,  which is emotionally unstable personality disorder. It was used to be known as BPD, which is borderline personality disorder.

And I went away and they said like, we don't help people. with this like there's no treatment for this in the UK at the time because I think I was only like 21 and they just sent me on my way and I was like okay so I went and did all this research I was like I don't have any of these symptoms other than emotional dysregulation yeah other than like anger at first and feeling overly sensitive and I then just like started piecing things together and realized it was ADHD and I thought that it might be autism as well.

And I was like, yeah, I think it's both. And then it, it was. Yeah, then it was. So when you were sort of, you knew in yourself, but you kind of went on this quest for answers because you needed support, I'm guessing you were struggling. Yeah. Yeah. So like I struggled a lot, but like I struggled a lot. Kind of by myself because I became a people pleaser and I didn't like burdening people with my problems Because that's what it felt like I was doing other people be like, oh, you know I just get on with it get over it all of this and it became so much that I  I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act when I was 21 because I just was like I can't I just not doing this anymore like I'm taking the leaves like I'm going yeah, and  I suffered with mental health since I was like quite young, I think I was like 14 when I really started struggling and then I was 18 when I got put on antidepressants and was in and out of therapy and it just never worked.

I would try so hard to put the effort in and they'd give me like homework and I'd just not do it and it would infuriate me that I wouldn't do it because it's like, I don't want to live like this anymore.  But I'm, I don't know how to not do things. Like, I don't know how to do the homework. I just come home and don't do it or I forget or all of these like little things.

And I would end up people pleasing my way through therapy and be like, yeah, done it. Yeah. I'm, I'm great. I'm cured. So, yeah. Yeah. Cause it was like. I don't know what's wrong with me and I would just constantly be told like oh you're so self aware you know exactly what's going on and I'm like I feel like that's the problem. 

I'm too self aware and I can't fix it but yeah I spent my life struggling but trying to struggle in private which just led to a whole host of mental illnesses and in and out of hospitals and stuff. Yeah I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry and I'm You know, I'm going to do the ADHD thing, which if you don't know about it, it looks like I'm being selfish and talking about myself, but what I'm saying is I really relate, I really  relate.

So it's the same age, 14, and then by 18, antidepressants, and it's the same. And the thing that is really heartbreaking about that is how common that is.  And that's why it's so completely unacceptable. Awareness is raising, but acceptance of ADHD is still not so much everywhere. And the training for GPs, the gatekeeping, the accessibility of the system is criminal at this point.

It really is. We are both very lucky to be here.  Yeah, I, I did not think I'd make it to 21, if I'm being completely honest, I did not. I don't have like a plan for my life because I didn't think I would be here. And it's sad that you could go, like, I was at my GP, so my, one of my GPs actually gave me his personal mobile number. 

Because I was there every week, in tears, just saying there's something wrong with me. I don't know what to do. And he was honestly like, he was really lovely. And he was like, it's just anxiety and panic attacks. And I proper took him at his word because I've never felt so heard and so listened to. And I was like, this must just be what it is.

Anxiety, depression, panic attacks. But the panic attacks were actually like meltdowns. Yeah. Because when I started explaining what I would do during a panic attack, they were like, Yeah, it's not, I've not really heard many people do that, but you know, it can happen and then that would make me panic even more because it's like, I would just, I felt like I needed to take my skin off.

Like, I just felt suffocated by my own skin and I had another GP after he left, I was devastated. Every single week I was back in like, There's just something wrong. I need help. I need help. And it wasn't until, I think it might have been early last year, I was speaking to her and I was like, yeah, I think I'm autistic and ADHD.

And she was like, yeah, that makes sense.  And I was like, I've been coming to you every week for like 10 years, what do you mean? And she was like, yeah, like told me a story about how she now has more awareness about it because she knows someone. Yeah. And it was like, I wish that you had that awareness when I came to you when I was younger.

Yeah. And she said like, it makes so much sense. She said everything, like everything just made sense for that diagnosis. That was very validating. But also at the same time, it was just kind of like, I don't understand how I was missed. Like, I really don't. It doesn't, in my head, it doesn't make any sense.

That's one of my next questions. Why do you think it was missed, with all of the signs there?  I don't want to say this to sound mean, I love my parents to pieces, I really do, but I think it's a little bit of ignorance.  I understand it's a lack of education, and obviously I'm 30 years old, the education for ADHD and autism was not as available 20 years ago, and I understand that and I get that, and my mum and dad did their very best, and I wholeheartedly appreciate them and I love them so much.

I never went without. But emotionally I kind of did,  because I never felt like I could really express how I was feeling, because all of the attention kind of was on my brother, because he was diagnosed. So it was, you should know better, you need to set an example, you need to be doing more. I really took everything to heart, and everything that they would say to me, like those little things  were just passing comments, but they are still in my brain today, like 20 years later.

Yeah. And. I think it is just, they didn't want to see it a lot of the time, they just thought, she's a teenager, yeah, and I do think it was a lot of that, because even now if I ask my mum like, oh, do you remember when I did this, she's like, yeah, and I'm like, yeah, that was an ADHD thing, or yeah, that was an autism thing, she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that now, and it's like, so they did see it, it just, Yeah, they didn't see it as an issue because I wasn't misbehaving and I wasn't being an inconvenience to them, so they didn't see it as much of a problem, if that makes sense.

Do you know, it's so funny, you are the second person who I've interviewed that said exactly that. It's because I wasn't really trouble, I wasn't really causing anybody any trouble. And yeah, again, I really, really relate. So. With regards to autism, have you had an assessment? Yeah, so I was diagnosed, it'll be a year in May.

Oh wow, okay. Yeah. And how do you feel? Because there's no, like, are you on medication for ADHD or what is your treatment plan? If you're happy to share it, you don't have to. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So I have ADHD  meds, I'm on Concerta.  And, there is no treatment for it, autism, it's just, you just go by. It's more about having a support network, really, which I don't really have.

I do have now with friends, like, I've made friends who, like, genuinely get it. I've never had friends before, like, who genuinely loved me for me, and now I do, and it's incredible. And I have a support network in that. that sense. I'm currently waiting for an appointment to have a support worker who's gonna come by like every week just to like help me with managing like day to day activities and keep it on top of things because I do struggle with that quite a lot.

That's fantastic. Yeah, but I had to like, I didn't get told about that. I had to just google what is available and there was basically nothing and I went on to my, like, on the government bit you can apply for support workers and you have to meet like a certain criteria and I was like I'm just gonna try, like, what is the harm in trying?

So I did and I get, I've got, I think my assessment is gonna be this month but I'm not, I'm not sure when. Okay. But at some point, I'm just waiting for my date, but yeah, there's not really anything else. I didn't get. So you just found out, you went onto the government website and applied for that because you found out you could be entitled to that and then they're going to assess you to see what you need.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's fantastic. That's so good. Was the diagnostic process for autism very different to ADHD? Was it any better or worse, or what was that? Um, it was different. So I went through the right to choose for my autism assessment. I tried to go through the right to choose for my ADHD, but my GP just refused.

Was like, no, we don't do that. I'm like, pretty sure you do. Yes, you do. But okay. Okay. And I did a lot of working on myself, and a lot of trying to not be a people pleaser anymore, and I'm still working on it, but I'm better. I think it's daily work, okay? It's daily work. It is. It's so hard. I find myself really slipping into old habits, and then it's like, wait, no, I'm like, no, okay, I'm not gonna do it, but then I feel so guilty.

Yes, yeah!  I asked my GP for a referral for an ADHD assessment and an autism assessment at the same time. Right. And  I was under the impression when I was going to have my ADHD assessment that I was having an autism assessment as well. Like that was what I thought, and I waited two years for my ADHD assessment. 

And I had my assessment and after it I was like, so do I do my autism assessment? And they're like, you've not been referred for that.  I was like, I've been waiting for two years. What do you mean? And they were like, no, you'll have to go back to your GP. I was like, okay. So then I went back to my GP and they were like, oh, do you still want that?

Oh my God. Kinda, a little bit. Yeah. Just, so they had to put me back on the waiting list. I was like, I am not waiting another two years. I'm not doing it. So I was like, you're going to do it for the right to choose. Yeah. So I said, I want you for the right to choose. I emailed them. I was like, all you have to do is literally sign this letter.

Like that's it. You have to do. It's so simple. That's all you have to do. Do you think that that was the barrier the first time to the right to choose was because they just didn't know about it and didn't know how to do it, do you think?  I'm not sure because I did tell them multiple times and they just was like, no, we don't offer it.

We don't offer that service. So I was like, okay. But it was never the GP that said it. It was always the receptionist. Right. And I rang the receptionist again for my autism one, and I was like, right, I want it through the right to choose, and she was like, no, we don't do that. I thought, do you know what, I'm not, I'm not accepting this.

I was like, okay, can I have that in writing then? Yes! Yeah! And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, can I have it in writing, that you're refusing my right to choose? You will not, yeah. And she was like, no, we're not refusing. And I was like, are you going to refer me through the right to choose?

And they were like, no, I was like, so you're refusing, that's a refusal. Can I have that in writing, please? And she's like, no, we're not, we're not refusing. We just, I was like, you are refusing. Please don't interrupt me. Can I have it in writing? And she's like, just a second. I'll put you on hold. And I was like, okay, I'm sweating.

I was like, honestly, I was like  shaking. I, my face was shaking. I was like, can't have done this. Oh my God, I'm gonna go to prison. They're gonna do something terrible to me. I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have done this. I've panicking.  I get it.  . I, I honestly, I was like, oh my God, what have I done?

I'm gonna be a people pleaser for the rest of my life. And when they came back, I was gonna apologize, but she was like. Okay, we've actually, um, we've had a look and we'll do it for you this once.  Do you know what,  it's so funny you say that because right at the beginning of starting this podcast, somebody messaged, they're a lawyer of some sort and they used to tackle medical negligence.

And she said to me, if anybody has refused anything, say that line. Yeah. Where you put that in writing, yes. And then they change their tune and it works! It does. That's amazing. It literally works. But yeah, so then they sent that off and I did it through the right to choose. They said it was like a 12 week wait, it was not, it was like six months.

Oh wow. But it was better than two years. Oh good, Gem.  And I, like, stood my ground again because I rang up for an appointment because they'd forgotten about me. Because they rang me to give me an appointment, but I don't answer on non numbers. And so I just let it ring. And then when I rang them back, they were like, Oh, we'll ring you back tomorrow and give you an appointment.

I was like, okay. And then they just didn't.  And so I waited like another month and I was like, Oh, come on! So I rang them back and they were like, Oh my goodness, someone should have rang you.  They gave me an appointment with this person for an assessment. And on the right to choose with Psychiatry UK, they've got the list of all the, like, psychiatrists and stuff, so you can like, look them up.

Yeah. And I looked mine up and I was like, He doesn't do autism assessments, he does ADHD assessments. Oh, fuck. And I was like, oh my goodness. So then I rang back, I was like,  just a question. Does this guy do autism assessments? Because it doesn't say anywhere, like, in his credentials that he's even done one.

Like, he just does ADHD. Like, I'm already diagnosed with ADHD. Like, this is not an ADHD assessment, is it? They were like, no. No, no, it should be autism. Uh, just a second. And they were like, yeah, you're right. He doesn't say that he does do that. Uh, do you want someone else? I was like, yes, please.  And then I got like, I need to be able to admin.

I was like, can I have your job? Like is, do you want me to do your job for you? So then they ended up pairing me with this other gentleman and I did research and he was like the top one for the whole like company. And I was like, Yeah. That's exciting.  And then he says that was actually fine. He didn't make eye contact with me.

He didn't ask me a lot of unnecessary questions. He was very straightforward and very literal. It was beautiful. How great! That's so good! He gave me my diagnosis there and then. Because sometimes they go away, they think, talk to their like, they go for like supervision and stuff. And then come back and say, yeah, we're going to diagnose you.

But no, he just gave it to me there. And then he was like, yeah, okay. Very obvious.  That's amazing. That's really, really good. And how do you feel like what has changed for you since you have your, both of your diagnosis, like, um, I suppose, cause you were expecting to have the two in one go. So you would have had the disappointment that you then had to wait longer, but now you've got both. 

I was expecting to be really happy. And I honestly just got really sad. I felt, I think I started to like grieve a little bit for the person that I could have been and the life I could have had.  And it just, it was like a little grieving process, but then after that, it was like, well, I know now I can't change the past and I've been able to make accommodations for myself.

I haven't had panic attacks since I've had my diagnosis. I think I've only had like two. That's amazing. And it's like, I went from 17 to maybe 24, 25, having them constantly, like every single day. And then making. Just small changes and actually accommodating for myself has made such a huge difference. I'm a lot happier.

I feel more myself.  It's just, it's honestly saved my life. Getting the diagnosis has saved my life. I say that as well. Yeah, it really has. It's not just life changing, it's life saving. I'm so happy for you. Although we've just gone on a happy note, can I ask you, what do you feel undiagnosed or DHD has cost you? 

Oh god, almost my life. I grew up isolated. I didn't have friends. I felt really alone all the time. So I didn't really develop proper skills to engage socially. I wasn't able to like maintain like relationships with people and It just gave me a lot of self esteem issues and self doubt and never really appreciated or, like, I never loved or even liked myself.

Like, I genuinely spent my life hating who I was and not knowing what was wrong with me. It did take my life, essentially. It took the happiness out of it and it took away what life was meant to be. And I was just like a shell of a person, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so, so sorry. And that grief that you felt in the beginning, because a late diagnosis has been likened to going through the grief cycle, Elizabeth Kubler Ross's grief cycle, but like, I feel that it just changes all the time.

It's more like a rollercoaster. Like where would you say you're at now? Do you feel you're at acceptance or are you somewhere else or? I feel like I've not fully accepted. Like sometimes I still hold myself to a neurotypical standard and I don't really fully accept that I'm a disabled person. But  I feel happier.

I feel content. Like I feel Okay. Yeah, I think, yeah. That's, that's, that's amazing. That's amazing. Yeah. It's funny that you say that because quite a lot of people don't like referring to Neurodivergence as like a, a disability, but obviously it is a disability under the equality of 2010. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. . And I think it's really important that people do know that, whether they like the term or not. 

Yeah, I think there's some negative connotations with the word disabled, like disabled is not a bad word. And it doesn't mean that you're any less. It doesn't mean that you can't do anything at all. It's just you have a difference that other people don't have. Yeah. Like, that's it. It's. Yeah.  Yeah, it's not bad, it's not good, it's just, it's just, it's neutral.

And identifying it and managing it is going to give you the best quality of life that you can have. Yeah, exactly. What would you like the world to know about ADHD? So the wider world, if you could bust a misconception. That it's not a behavioural disorder. Yeah, that is the biggest. I get so frustrated when people say that, oh, it's just a behavior thing.

It's just naughty boys. It's so much more than that. And it affects every aspect of our lives because it affects our executive functioning, which affects our emotional regulation. It affects our motivation. It affects everything. And it's not a case of being naughty. Like that's not a thing. Not everyone who has ADHD is naughty.

Like that's not a thing. Yeah. And most of the time, they're not even naughty boys. They're just. unregulated. It's like, they're not naughty, they're just, you are seeing them as an inconvenience because they're not acting the way you want them to, like. Yeah, a hundred percent. So ADHD rarely occurs alone.

We've got co occurring conditions and autism and ADHD are the most commonly co occurring. with a lot of overlapping symptoms in between. If you could express what all DHD is for you, because we're all different, right? No two people are going to present in the same way, but what does that mean? How does it look for you?

Having both, it's kind of like you've got two.  people. You've got one person who is very excited, very loves color, loves different, love adventure. And then you've got another person who likes sameness and routine and structure and doesn't really like change. And then you like mold them into like one person.

And it's just a battle constantly of who gets to win, I guess, like who gets to be at the forefront. It's exhausting. Because, it's like I need structure and sameness to function, but I also can't function in structure and sameness because I constantly need something new and different. And so it's finding a balance between the two.

It's tiring. It is tiring. It's kind of like being in a rainstorm, but it's scorching hot. Like, it's such polar opposites. Yeah.  So how do you find that balance? What, what, what helps you regulate and what helps you? Depending on the mood I'm in on the day, because sometimes, like, if I take my ADHD meds, for example, I find that my autistic traits are a lot more prominent.

And if I don't take my ADHD meds, then my ADHD is a lot more, like, prominent and to the front. And I find I'm constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated, as well as understimulated and underwhelmed all of the time. For example, like, something that I would do is, I like watching horror movies.  Because it's a great way for me to be still and relaxed and chill in a safe, same environment, but still feed in the ADHD with the dopamine and the adrenaline from watching the horror movie, if that, if that makes sense.

So if I watch like the same horror movie over and over and over again, it still gives me the dopamine for the ADHD, but it still helps the sameness. for the autism. I don't know if that makes sense. No, it does.  It's like finding activities that tick boxes in both counts. Yeah.  Or if you need to be social for your ADHD but you're not really in a social mood because of your autism, first time in a friend and just being in silence and doing your own thing.

So you're still getting the social aspect for your ADHD but you're still having the like a long time.  for the autism as well. It's just finding the balance. It's really difficult to do and it takes a lot of work, but yeah. No, that's so, so good. Really, really interesting and so helpful. I've had a couple of people on the online community on Discord.

They're even saying today that they feel nervous about taking ADHD medication because they feel that their autistic traits will come out more. Like, what would you say to them? Like, what do you Um, well, I mean You don't have to. I just thought of it. No, it's fine. Like, everyone's different. And for me, my autistic traits did become a lot more prominent when I took my meds.

But it's a lot easier to accommodate them traits. Um, yes. When I'm medicated because I have the capacity to think about ways to accommodate them. Whereas when I'm not on meds, I don't have the capacity to think about how to accommodate that because there's too many things going on in my head. But I can't form like a coherent sentence to figure that out.

And so when I've taken the medication I'm in an easier place to actually think about ways to accommodate that. And so I have. Like, I'm really sensitive to sounds and I, I get really overwhelmed with a lot of sound and being like in really busy places. I wear ear defenders all the time. Usually I'll either have like noise cancelling in ear ones and if I'm really overwhelmed I'll put my over ear ones but I never thought about doing that before because I'm like, I don't know if that's an issue or not.

But having, being medicated helps you actually see where you need to like, assess things and what you'll need, because it gives you more capacity to do that. So it's scary when you don't know that you'll have that capacity, if that makes sense. Like if you don't know you'll feel that way, but you do, because you don't realise how much is going on in your brain when you've never taken meds.

Like, when I first took them I was like, oh my goodness, is this what people live like? And they were still like, no, people still have it quieter, and I'm like, that is not right. Like, what do you mean people don't just constantly have like 15, 000 thoughts in their head at one time? Like,  that's odd to me, like, how boring. 

It's so true though, isn't it? It's like the thing with the meds is like, it isn't that magic pill, unfortunately, but it is, it's about turning the volume down, isn't it? It's like a quietening of the mind and less of the thoughts. Yeah, it's just like you're still there, but you're able to like pick them out more.

And like, some of them are more like bold, like it's all in like Arial 11. And then sometimes it's like Arial 12 bold.  And you get to pick it out. That's great. You are so good with the analogies. I tell you, what would you like the listeners to know? So have you got a pearl of wisdom that we could treasure?

Like, if you think about it. Most people that would be listening to this podcast are likely on a waiting list. Waiting sucks, it does. And you don't need to have a diagnosis to accommodate yourself. Like, you don't need to have that person sat in a room going, Yep, you've got ADHD,  to then move forward. You can move forward now. 

and still accommodate yourself. You can still make time to make sure that you're in a good place. You can still do like a lot of things that other ADHD people do that help them. There is no rule to say that you can't use these things. Like, you still have access needs and you're allowed to accommodate them regardless of whether you're on a waiting list or not.

Nobody knows you better than you, right? Yeah, exactly.  And even if the person assessing you says you don't have it,  That doesn't mean that you don't.  You have no idea, like, you might be masking, you might not be able to articulate yourself like, as well as you would hope, you might panic, like, you don't know like, how the assessment's gonna go, and even if they say, we don't think you have.

That doesn't mean you don't, and it doesn't mean that you're not allowed to still accommodate yourself. If things work for you, they work for you. Adelaide, that's such a good point. I've literally, like, nobody has even ever said that before, and it is such a good point. What if you, never mind all the times that we've been, well, not misdiagnosed, but treated for the comorbidities, what if you actually go to an assessment, and the person, for whatever reason, misses it in you, what then?

Yeah. Yeah, if you know that you have it, self diagnosis is valid, even in the face of a professional saying that you don't have it, of course. Exactly. Like, they're going to see you for an hour, and you know you for your entire life, and if they've already got a bias, like, because a lot of them do, like a lot of the people assessing you have biases and don't really understand.

the nuances with ADHD and autism and the education and stuff and the research is still all geared towards young boys, they might not see it and that doesn't make you any less bullied. It doesn't mean that you don't have it, it just means that right now the person assessing you doesn't have enough information and you're still allowed to go forward and help yourself and coffee.

It's about identifying your own struggles, right? And then, and then finding what you can that works for you, because we are all different, so you don't need a diagnosis to do that, absolutely. No, and you, you have access to the same help, other than medication, obviously, but you have access to the same help that diagnosed people have.

Like, the only difference is we have access to medication, but not every person diagnosed wants medication. Yeah, or can take it, even. Yeah, it affects people differently, and not so much anymore, but I used to drink a lot of coffee, because coffee works the same way medication does, because it's a stimulant, so it helps kind of relax you a lot.

Like people would say, like, how can you drink coffee at like nine o'clock at night? I'm like, this is going to help me sleep. I literally had four cups today. I'm like that. And I said, it's really crept up on me. I hadn't realized I was doing it. And I keep drinking coffee all day. And normally I would have like two in a day, but it's going up.

I'm just like six. It's like, Laura, stop it with the coffee.  But it helps relax you because it's a stimulant.  Gosh, it's a funny old thing, isn't it? Obviously, I know you love horror, and I've seen a lot of your amazing creative makeup that you do. If you are listening and not watching, Adelaide has incredible pink eyebrows right now. 

You know, I'm guessing that that is one of the main ways that you get your dopamine, is like, we have lower levels of dopamine.  to attend to due to those pesky receptors, whatever it is, and so we need to find ways, and would you say that is your way? Is this artistic? Yeah, I feel like, so I have an art degree as well, like I went to uni and did art at uni,  and being creative really, It's just really fun, it helps me regulate as well, because I need to like, be calm and focused in the moment and I get to just rest myself and be creative.

So it's a really, really good way for me to kind of regulate both the autistic side of me and the ADHD side of me. I find it helps me concentrate, it helps me stay focused, it helps me relax, it gets my creative juices flowing, like, I love it. Sometimes it doesn't work out, sometimes I'll do a makeup look and I think, what?

What the f k is that on my face? I don't know if I should take it off. But other times I'm like, that looks really good. I did one that was ghost face and a knife. And that's probably been my favourite one that I've done. Like, it looks so good. I was so proud of that. After I'd done it, I was like, I don't even believe that I just did 

that. It's so funny isn't it? Because here you are, sat here with your lovely like, pastel palette in front of me. Just this like, raging horror movie fiend. And I love it.  Yes, the more go the better.  Like, I watch horror to relax, I don't know, like,  I think it's because it gets me, like, because it stimulates you, doesn't it?

It gets you excited, so to me it's just like, oh, I'm going to go to sleep watching The Exorcist, like. Yeah, I like that, but quite a lot of the time it's turned in, I was always like that with horror. So, But the last few years, it's been more crime, but true crime. What I think it is, is because I'm like, I'm going to crack the case.

And so that means that I have to pay attention because otherwise my mind wanders and my mind will still wander. And I'll be like, hang on. What did they say? What did I miss? You have to tell me. But, it's like, that is relaxing to me, because it switches off the rest of my brain, because I have to know what happens. 

Isn't it so weird that being stimulated and like concentrating relaxes ADHDs?  It's why like so many of us can't do easy things, because it's too easy. So we can't do it because we try and overcomplicate it too much, that we just can't do it. So like, it's easier to do more complicated things. And it is to do easier things, I find anyway, that might just be me.

That's so interesting. I don't know. I need to think about that because nobody's ever said that to me before. And I feel like one of the things I've always said, my brain, and again, I wouldn't use this word now, but in the past I would have said lazy, right? That I want to find the easiest way to do anything.

I'm just like, you know, even I do it now I get hello fresh because if my brain has had enough for the day, I just need instructions. I couldn't even boil an egg. Do you know what I mean? Just tell me how to do it right. But sometimes I'll read it and I'll be like,  Overcomplicate it. Hello, fresh. No, thank you.

I'm going to find the easy route there. I'm going to do this. I'm the same. I'm the same, but I feel like more with like hobbies. Yeah. For example, I, like, drawing. I can't draw, like, simple things. I just can't. It's so difficult. Like, a circle? Absolutely not. Can't do it. Can't do it at all. But I can, like, create, like, weird, intricate pieces of things.

And I'm like, that's easy though.  Because it doesn't, like, my brain just doesn't see it as, like, when it's easier, my brain's like, no, this is too easy. Like, there's something missing. Like, and I over, yeah. So I used to make hats. I mean, I still do sometimes make hats, but from about a million years ago, festival hats and like the thing that I liked about that realm of creativity is that I couldn't do it wrong. 

Yeah. I'm so used to doing things wrong. And so I would hate it when people would say to me, can you make me this hat, but can you make it like this? I'd be like, Oh no, I can't do it like that. Can I just do it though? I promise you it'd be really good, but please don't tell me how you want it because now you've made it so I could get it wrong.

And now I don't want to do it. Yeah.  It's like now you've got too much pressure on it and I'm not doing it.  But do you know what? The other day I was at my friend's Galentine's, Galentine's do. And I painted something and I realized that I hadn't painted apart from a wall, but like actually made a picture for the first time since I was about 10.

So that's like 30 years. I was like, Oh, I like painting. And I just thought, I just thought I would share that because I think so often. We tell ourselves, Oh, that's not something I would do. Well, that's not something I could do because I was in the situation and she'd gone to all this trouble to get crafty things.

I was like, okay, I'm painting a picture. And I loved it. It was really good. I think a lot of times with art, especially painting and stuff, we put so much pressure on being good at it. Yeah, like, if someone said to you like, Oh, what's your hobby? And you go, painting. They go, Oh, what about any good? Can I see some of your paintings?

It's like, they don't say that about any other hobby. Like, why do I need to be good at it for it to be a hobby? Why can't I just enjoy it? Like, why does it need to look  like a masterpiece? It doesn't. Like, as long as you're having fun, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you enjoy it. It doesn't matter what it looks like.

That is so true.  That is so, so true. I love that. Talking about things that bring us joy, I've been trying to really be more present and mindful of like the micro joys. So those glimmers, what is your glimmer of today or this week or? Oh, that's hard. I don't know. Oh, I made a really lovely porridge for my breakfast the other day and like I didn't even think about it I literally just got up.

I was like i'm gonna make this porridge and it was baked apple with uh cinnamon and brown sugar and banana all like mixed together and it was just Just was so nice. And I just sat on the sofa and watched like Etik while I was watching YouTube. And it was just, yeah, it was just a nice moment. Like that is perfect.

That is the perfect glimmer. I made my coffee really well this morning. For some reason I can never make coffee the same way twice, but today it was really good. And I was like, Oh  yes. So  I will wrap it up because I realized I've been rabbiting on too long, but. You can do it however you want to do it. You can do ADHD, you can do autism, or you can do both together, or you can do all three.

If they were a song, what song would start out? Okay, I still have to write this, right?  If my ADHD was a song, it would be Long View by Green Day. Ooh!  Have you heard it? Yeah! That's a good one! The lyrics are just ADHD,  and for, I couldn't think of one specifically for autism, but for like, ADHD and autism together, I'd go with Snail by Cavetown.

Oh, I didn't know that one. If anyone does know it, Yeah, it's not sad, it's sad. It's a sad song. It's a sad song, I'm so sorry. But it, it doesn't have like a particular, it can mean anything to whoever's listening to it, but I just feel like it's about like not really fitting in and just feeling like you were born wrong. 

And I think that that is like the perfect song that describes being, for me, describes being like autistic and ADHD. Aw, Thank you for sharing that. And what is the most ADHD thing you've done this week?  So, on  Tuesday, I got up at 6am, Got ready and got the bus to my counselling session that was at 8 a. m.

Takes me 40 minutes to get there and I got there and I sat down and I waited and I was like God My counsellor's late. This is ridiculous I'm like fuming because I've been here since like quarter to eight because I'm like I was on time and I went over to the Receptionist I was like, can you tell me like he's running late what's going on?

And they're like Your appointment's tomorrow. I was a whole day early. I was a whole day early. Gets worse. Gets worse. I'm like, okay, yeah, that's cool. Whatever. I only got up at six o'clock. It's fine. I'll do the same thing tomorrow as well. And then on Wednesday, my alarm went off to get up at 6am, and my silly little brain was like, No, you've already been.

Because I remembered going. No! And so I turned my alarm off. So you thought, oh I haven't, I've got the same alarm from yesterday. Yeah. You just went, oh no! And so I didn't go to my appointment,  and I got a call from the counsellor, like, Hi, where are you? I was like, I'm  so sorry, I came yesterday. And then my brain just thought that I'd already been.

because i'd already been  even though i hadn't been so i actually missed my appointment because i was a day early  oh that's such a shame did they let you do it online could you have done it no 

bloody hell what time to have a session though that early i know so early i was like but yeah i thought i'd already been because i had  But, I just, I hadn't actually had the session, so Oh, bless you! Is there anything else that you would like to share? Nothing that we haven't covered. I just feel like, to anyone listening, to know that there's nothing wrong with them.

You're not broken, you're not damaged, you're not a random, odd, weird person from a different planet. You just function differently, and that's okay. Like, you're allowed to accommodate yourself, and you will find your people, who will love and respect you for who you are. And you won't need to mask and change anything about yourself for the right people.

Now I'm sucking in through the eyeballs.  Thank you and thank you for everything you do Adelaide, your platform is incredible. And I'm so happy that you got all your answers and you're doing so well. It's so, so wonderful. So thank you so much. I just want to say one more thing. So it's actually my wonderful friend, Rach.

She's in the community. She is the one that showed me your platform and she's a big fan. So please will you say hello to Rach? Oh my God, of course Rach. I hope you're okay and I hope you have a super good day.  Wonderful. Thank you ever so much. All right. Lovely. Thank you. Bye. How much do you love Adelaide?

What an absolute legend. Thank you so much Adelaide. I absolutely loved our chat and I love your content. So Adelaide's content will be tagged in the episode description, but now I have some recommendations from community legends. So, Clara Thornville, her book, The Autists, Women on the Spectrum. On  YouTube, we've had recommended Purple Ella and Yo!

Sam D. Sam. The incredible Ellie Middleton, of course, both her amazing content and book, Unmasked, The Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence. Attitude has a piece recommended called, Could I Be Autistic Too? Signs of Autism in Women. A podcast, My Friend Autism, with Orian Kelly. On the Embrace Autism website, there are fantastic online screening tests.

And of course, the wonderful work of comedian Fern Brady. Now there will be many, many more people that focus their entire platform on Autism. on autism and or DHD. These are just a handful, but I've also found a fantastic list created by Bristol Autism Support, which is of autistic bloggers and YouTubers, which I'll also share in the blurb of this episode.

You're probably already aware of all of these legends and and loads more as ever. I'm just sharing the little that I know. So, I will shut up in a minute, but firstly, my most ADHD moving house stories. Thank you, firstly, to everyone who shared all of the lovely feedback about the most ADHD things of June and July episode with Nicole Nadler.

If you've not already listened to that, go and have a listen. I believe Nicole only has five minutes. Four shows left of her run. She is selling out. She was award nominated. She is absolutely smashing it because of course she does. So well done to Nicole. If you are anywhere near Edinburgh and you get a chance to catch one of her last shows, I cannot recommend why am I still like this enough?

And I do believe you might still be able to watch it online. So check it out if you can.  But here are my most ADHD moving stories. So firstly, a very obvious point, which was only pointed out to me today, because obviously it probably didn't need pointing out, is that I could have just taken a break from ADHD AF to literally uproot my life, as it is one of the most stressful things you can do.

Most people that are able to, would have some time off to move house.  Literally didn't occur to me. People have been telling me for the longest time to have a break. Now really would have been the perfect time yet. Here we are.  Secondly, I have been trying to be ruthless with my possessions to downsize donating and essential belongings, et cetera.

But not only do I struggle to figure out what is and isn't essential.  It's far worse than that. Seemingly, even the most mundane and inanimate of objects hold extreme sentimental value to me. And I'm talking about a flyer from a shit night out in 1999. Even right down to a friggin pencil. Honest to God.

And it's not just the dilemma of, is it or isn't it essential? I know! Each object takes me on a magical mystery tour of my mind into the depths of nostalgia, making every single box take 10 times longer to pack, and often ending up in tears. That said, I have found some absolute treasures, including a newspaper from the day I was born,  illustrations and notes passed in math class, and a borderline creepy amount of Take That paraphernalia from the early 90s.

But, by far my most ADHD thing moving story is, having said that we move just two days from now, where we are going from here changed drastically just four days ago. So how is that? for last minute chaos. A slight, in inverted commas, oversight meant that we had both missed a couple of crucial and rather enormous details just for a change, which meant our original plan didn't work at all.

And we only figured that out at the very last minute. Seemingly.  No matter how hard I try to plan and organize and troubleshoot all eventualities, I am literally always missing at least one very crucial step.  No matter how hard I try, or how enormous and obvious it is, it's pretty much guaranteed I'll be the last to know.

Hey ho!  Onwards we push. Adventure awaits. And speaking of which, I will leave you with the words of this legendary adventurer.  Hi, my name's Darren and last year myself and my wife done an ADHD fundraising event to raise money for ADHD Adult UK. We cycled from Bristol to London as part of ADHD Awareness Month. 

ADHD Adult UK have really helped me out in the past and, um, the likes of James, Alex and Sam, their information they've provided. given me has changed the way I live my life. So I wanted to give something back  earlier this year. I was sort of thinking about what we could do for this year because we would love to make it an annual event.

And, um, Sam reached out to me and introduced me to Rosie Turner from ADHD Untangled. Uh, she was thinking about doing London to Amsterdam bike ride and, uh, that sounded perfect to be honest with you. So yeah, we linked up and we've been working hard, uh, to get people on the ride and. Do all the organization behind the scenes.

So there's going to be a group of ADHD is setting off on the 27th of September at 9am from Buckingham palace. And we'll be cycling for three days, a 180 miles. Um, and hopefully ending up in the middle of Amsterdam on the 29th, around about one o'clock ish. Obviously we've all got ADHD, so there could be a few things that could go wrong,  like mind wandering and going the wrong way, for instance.

Like last year, not maybe not drinking and getting totally dehydrated and end up sitting at the side of the road, who knows, but hopefully not, uh, hopefully we can all be there to support each other.  Uh, so say 180 miles over three days and this whole event is organized and it's going to be completed by people with ADHD.

It shows that if you've got the right support, you've got the right people around you and if it's possible and you know, we're doing so well on the fundraising at the moment as well. At the moment our, our team page shows around about 5, 000 is just, I think just about the tip over that now. Uh, but we've got a lot of pledges coming in and we've got a lot of sponsors on board.

So,  in reality, um, our total probably sits around about 10, 000 to 13, 000 so far raised. Uh, once all that comes in, we've got a support vehicle that's being sign written. We have all the sponsors, uh, logos on it, which will be following us all the way through.  So, obviously, if we get a bit of a problem, uh, you know, we got, uh, some transport there for people to jump in and recover and, uh, hopefully, you know, get back onto the ride with us.

Yeah, we would love people to get involved by supporting us and donating money, uh, because The two charities we're doing it for are absolutely amazing.  ADHD Adult UK and ADHD Liberty do some fantastic work out there. So why not come down and join us on the first day. Say hi to us in London or possibly even meet us over in Amsterdam on the last day on the 29th.

So yeah, it'd be great to see anyone  and please just support.