ADHD Awareness Month '24: Part 9

This mini episode is the finale of a mini-series created for ADHD Awareness Month 2024. This October's theme is 'Awareness is Key', so I'm sharing the 'key' pieces of ADHD awareness the ADHDAF Community need the world to know and amplifying the voices of those that have gone unheard for far too long.  NOTHING ABOUT US WITHOUT US!

Enormous thanks to Micky, Kirsty & Sahra for volunteering their voices and for all of their support!

IT'S ADHDAF DAY TOMORROW! We invite you to join us online THIS FRIDAY: 25th Oct for the THIRD ANNUAL ADHDAF DAY! In which we paint the world leopard print to raise ADHD Awareness. Simply wear at least one leopard print item on 25/10/24 to stand in solidarity with the leopard print army and post a selfie or video on your socials sharing the special message you want the world to know about ADHD, then tag @adhdafpodcast and hashtag: #ADHDAFDay and I will reshare your messages for the world to see and hear us at this desperately needed time of ADHD diagnosis crisis and medication shortages.

Trigger warning: Contains swearing and mentions of sensitive subject matter some may find triggering; mental health struggles, divorce, childhood struggles, ableism, bullying, misdiagnosis, medical negligence, low self esteem, mental health crisis, suicide

If you are in need of support YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is immediate help out there so please REACH OUT
Search the ADHD Medication Directory if you are struggling to access medication during the national medication shortage HERE
Listen to Riyadh Khalaf's self support stratergies for ADHDers HERE
FIND OUT about ADHDAF+ Charity HERE

- Alongside ADHD Awareness month it is also Menopause Awareness Month. Find out more about Menopause HERE and listen to Dr Nighat Arif explain Multi Hormone Sensitivity Theory and how hormones impact ADHD HERE
- It's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I'm in awe of the INCREDIBLE work of the late Kris Hallenga. Sign up for self examination reminders from her charity Coppafeel HERE
- AND it's Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Resources for support curated by @feminist HERE

You can connect with literally likeminded legends and support the continuation of this podcast by joining the Patreon Peer Support Community
Enormous thanks to the Members for keeping this podcast going for over 2 years!

PLEASE SHARE this episode and write a review/hit those stars, because doing so means that these episodes will spread far and wide. Each one contains important information that society NEEDS to know about ADHD and from the very people whose voices have gone unheard for too long!

Let's join forces this ADHD Awareness month
TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE CHANGE HAPPEN!
Myself and the Leopard Print Army thank you so much for your support and hope to see you on socials in Leopard Print this Friday!
Laura x

Transcript

  If you're a first time listener of ADHD AF, this is a mini episode, the final installment of a mid series mini series created for ADHD Awareness Month 2024. So this year's theme is Awareness is Key, and I asked members of the ADHD AF online peer support community to share the key piece of awareness that they feel is essential to raise.

So having always said that ADHD services need to be patient led, nothing about us without us, I've practiced what I preach for now nine mini episodes in amplifying the voices of those that have gone unheard for far too long. So what you're about to hear are segments from crucial conversations held over Zoom.

This isn't studio sound quality. I mean, none of this is, it isn't a studio podcast, but these in particular are informal conversations held over Zoom with the real stars of ADHD AF podcast. The people who listen to and support the ongoing production of this podcast. Those who have received validation from the conversations held over two years on this platform.

The peers supporting each other in the absence of adequate medical support. Please do have a read of the description to avoid hearing topics that you might find triggering before listening on, where you will also find a link to resources for free and immediate support. So if you are struggling, you are not alone.

Please do reach out. Tomorrow is ADHD AF Day and I have a One more bonus for you shared in celebration of our very special day, but I will come back to that and share more information about how you can get involved in the third annual ADHD AF Day to help raise ADHD awareness and to get your key piece of awareness raised this ADHD Awareness Month, but now I will leave you with the words of three Leopard Print Army legends Hi, I'm Mickey.

I'm 42. Uh, I live in, uh, or near Glasgow in Scotland. Uh, I'm currently undiagnosed, but over the last two to three years, I've started to have the awareness and the realization that I do in fact have ADHD. And what I would like the world to know about ADHD is that with the increased awareness and in part understanding about ADHD, particularly that of late diagnosed women and 85 people, society is speaking about it, which is great.

However, we all know about the major issues with diagnosis, availability of help, such as CBT or talking therapy, therapies, and the medication shortage crisis. Hopefully society is understanding of these massive implications on those living with ADHD, but I'm not sure that they do.  ADHD isn't just something to label ourselves with.

It's not just the thing that we can attribute our time blindness or executive functioning difficulties to or blame for these things. For many of us, it's a daily struggle, one that we'll have to, and we already have lived with our whole lives, even if we didn't know it. The comorbidities that many of us have can be debilitating, depression, anxiety, low or no self worth, self doubt, imposter syndrome, rejection sensitive dysphoria, overwhelm, I could go on and on.

For many people with ADHD, these things, and are still very present after diagnosis.  I would argue that for those who have realised that they have ADHD but are still awaiting assessment, these comorbidities become more apparent.  That's been my experience anyway. This could be for a multitude of reasons I'm not going to go into because it could be different for everyone. 

What I would like people to realise is that whether we are diagnosed or not, the things we struggle with are still very much there and affect us every single day. It's not just knowing that we have ADHD but it's trying to understand the parts of it that make our work difficult and it's about working with us.

To get the best out of ourselves, reach our potential, give us that breathing space when we become overwhelmed. And it's about allowing us to do the things that make us valuable members of the workforce or family or society in general. Even if what we need to do to get there looks different than it does for everyone else.

I did see something on Instagram which I thought was really good and it says ADHD is not a learned behavior. ADHD is not a discipline problem. ADHD is not a spoiled child. ADHD is not a temper tantrum. ADHD is not a choice. ADHD is not the easy way out.  ADHD is a medical condition. ADHD is a chemical imbalance.

ADHD is a big deal. ADHD is a battle for self confidence. ADHD is a fight to maintain focus. ADHD is a war between brain and body. ADHD is real, and that's what I'd like to say. My name is Kirsty, I am a secondary school teacher, and I was diagnosed on the NHS,  um, in May 2023 after I got a private diagnosis in  2022 in the December. 

Um, I did think that I would feel validated getting a private diagnosis, but I realised that, um,  yeah, I needed a bit more help and support after that. So, there. I was lucky to get onto the NHS system,  um, and after numerous appointments and quite a trauma, uh, eventually got that diagnosis.  Um, so yeah, fun, fun times.

That was, um, yeah, an interesting experience.  Yeah, everybody is neurodiverse.  Nobody thinks the same. There is no such thing as one way to think about things. So absolutely everybody is on that spectrum, and that spectrum certainly isn't linear either. I struggle sometimes to think of neurotypical,  because that is  I don't even know, like, if I was in a room, who I would point at and say, well, you're neurotypical.

It's a very difficult concept. I feel like neuroaverage might be slightly,  slightly easier to think about it in terms of, you know, there are people that may well think in that midstream area, um, that maybe aren't so black and white and they can see some more grey. Just everybody is different. Which is awesome,  but trying to explain to somebody that  somebody else thinks differently to them can be really challenging.

Um, I think we all accept that we all have different tastes.  We can all see colours maybe a little bit differently. We all like different music. We're absolutely happy to accept that, but the fact that somebody might, you know, have Not see time the same way as you, or that they might not be able to start a project in the same way that you do.

It becomes very difficult because we've all been taught it in the same way. That's the difficulty of getting other people to see what's happening inside your brain, often when you don't understand it yourself. So I spoke to some of my pupils about neurodiversity and one of them said, I just wish people didn't think I was just bad.

And apart from breaking my heart, I wanted to kind of delve into that a bit more and just see what she meant by that. And she said, if I'm talking or I'm not listening and I'm being disruptive or I'm jumping around and stuff like that, it's not, it's not because I'm bad and I'm not, I'm choosing not to listen to you, not even trying to do the opposite to what you tell me, et cetera.

It's just because  I've forgotten what you've asked me to. Something's distracted me. I am, you know, not a bad person who is trying to on purpose sabotage your lessons or a person that doesn't want an education. I want. All of these things just can sometimes make the wrong choices and I just need help and support  to get that right.

And I suppose in some ways We often make a lot of decisions, especially for kids who are younger. We learn coping strategies, but we're not very good at teaching what these coping strategies are. So if you ask, again, a pupil how, what's a good way to revise,  most of them will just be like, oh, I'll read, I'll read a book.

Um, and it goes in one ear and out the other, but have you ever actually taught them a lot of different revision techniques and showed them how to, you know, time themselves, how to break it down  into smaller chunks? And that's actually what we kind of have to do with coping strategies is actually teach them, everybody, these smaller ways to cope with it.

We talk about resilience and, you know, if something goes wrong, this is how we might be able to cope with it, but being able to cope with the idea that you're different and not having to mask it. And come up with these maladaptive approaches, we're very good at maladaptive coping strategies. Actually recognising what the alternatives are.

We kind of don't do that, and actually as most adults, whether they're late diagnosed or they've known all their life, they've still picked up these maladaptive coping strategies and they've spent years trying to break that, which is relentless and it's so damaging to self worth. Yeah, when I'm late to something, when I am flaky, uh, I don't reply back, forget something halfway through, all of these things, it's, it's not because I'm bad, it's not because I don't want to do the things.

I also recognise that in a lot of other people. I still have accountability to try and not just be like, ah, it's fine. You know, I'm already five minutes late. What's another hour? Um, I still have the accountability to show up for people and to try and my do my best and overcome all of these things.  And that self worth and conversation you can have with yourself about afterwards, that reflection, that's where the mindset kind of shifts.

And I recognize that. I'm not bad.  I'm not doing this on purpose, and that makes me feel a lot differently now. And that's taken a very long time, and my self worth is still not, you know, great, and I do bat  compliments back very, very easily, but I am starting to accept that  what I'm doing or trying to do is, is, is what's best for me and, and, and to help other people as best as I can.

I don't feel it's my duty to help other people and, you know, to, it becomes like a job to, to pass on information and stuff, but I just, I find, I'm passionate about helping others and trying to see things in a different way. Um, and also to help those future kids realize that they are not bad as well. So yeah, right now,  um, things are ever changing.

People are trying, working hard to get things going, um, to help us all live together in a happy, wonderful utopia, I suppose, but it's going to take a long time and understanding for it.  So, self acceptance, absolutely. I've got to understand what makes me tick  and lean into it. Like, there's no point of just again saying, Oh, well, you know, my, um, my working memory is terrible, but this time, this time I'm going to remember.

Um, it's like, okay, well, I'm not going to remember this. So I need to put it as a reminder. I need to put it as alarm. I need to set up these things and  some might not work. I I need to learn those coping strategies, pass those coping strategies on, and help other people with that as well. And explain  that to  everybody I can,  so that they can understand just how it feels and works inside my head. 

Hi, my name's Sarah. Um, you could say like a dinosaur in this, um, ADHD AF community. I was diagnosed in December, 2022. ADHD is severe, which means the name is misleading. It's diminishing the severeness of the disability and the consequences of having ADHD. There are so many costs of having ADHD in this society, AKA neurotypical world.

And, um, I think this is the most harmful thing for us ADHD ers. It's like the world is not shaped for us. It's not designed for us. We're basically set off for failure. ADHD has nearly cost my life several times, not just one time. It's hard to say. I was, um, at some point in my life, I really was suicidal.

And to that time, I didn't know it was ADHD causing many issues and problems. Basically, ADHD has cost me a lot of my mental health. I still suffer from anxiety, reoccurring depressions. Um, I have, uh, had an eating disorder as an adolescence.  And, um,  still to this day I'm struggling with addiction because, um, of self medication when I was a teenager.

I just needed so badly to fit into this world and I tried everything to make it work. And, um, this is the funny thing about people telling you to try harder. I tried so hard. I almost killed myself. So there wasn't a way of trying harder.  Um, ADHD has cost me, um, being a mother. I'm not having children. I'm slowly overcoming my self worth issues.

But it takes time and I have been in this progress for about two years now and I'm in Germany lucky to have medication and access to therapy and still it is hard. Also, a big point for me is I basically I'm not trying to fit into the society anymore. I'm not trying to hold myself accountable for neurotypical standards that I can't reach anyways.

And I found. This deep connection. I think humans always long for connection and belonging. And, um, yeah, this is what, what the community gave me. It's really the first time in my life that people got me and understood me and  didn't shame me or told me I'm lazy, but was struggling with the same, same issues.

This amazing community saved my ass. The most part of the suffering was not because I have ADHD. This is not the point about it. It was because I have ADHD in a society that is not designed for me. It is not designed for neurodivergent ones like me. So my point to let the world know is that ableism kills.

It costs us our lives, and it's enough. Enough must be enough. Society should take ADHD really seriously, and I would wish the world to create a life that doesn't set up 5 percent of us for failure.  Our life and well being matters. Please let us help you to educate yourself better. Nothing about us, without us.

And awareness is key.  So thank you very much to those three legends. Thank you, Kirsty, Mickey and Sarah. And thank you again to everyone who have helped me make some serious noise on this platform, this ADHD Awareness Month. I must admit, I was in absolute floods of tears listening to Sarah speak. Every word that she said, I could have said myself.

And actually, it always is when I'm listening to anybody on this late ADHD discovery rollercoaster. It's like I'm listening to myself. This massive plot twist.  Everything that you knew about your life, about yourself and everything that everyone else knows about you. Nothing is what it appears to be  to finally have the answers.

And with the right support, it means that it is the start of a brand new chapter, nevermind new chapter, a whole new book about our lives, where we can actually be the reliable narrator.  I take that quote from the wonderful Nicole Nadler, who talked about being an unreliable narrator when it came to her experiences and her own life in her Edinburgh Fringe show, Why Am I Like This? 

But as has been mentioned many times, not just on the whole podcast, but in this miniseries, we are all so lucky to be here.  We might not feel it with the co occurring conditions like depression and anxiety and carrying all the weight of that shame and addictions and broken relationships and all of the other ways that the wrecking ball of unidentified ADHD can swing in and bash up our lives.

But statistically speaking, we are incredibly lucky to be here. And many of us, like Jody Walsham, Whose story her mother, Jane, allowed me to share earlier this month. We're not so lucky as Sarah said, ableism kills and identified ADHD kills and managed untreated ADHD can kill. We are in the midst.  Of an ADHD diagnosis crisis, where 196, 000 vulnerable people are sat on waiting lists in the UK.

And that is an underestimation as shared by the BBC. People in mental health crisis and in danger could be waiting up to eight years in some parts to be assessed for ADHD. Now I bring as much light as I can to what is a really heavy subject. It's. Just to lighten the load, but this is so serious and people need to take it seriously.

People need to hear us and I would be so incredibly grateful if you could help get the word out there. By sharing this episode, all of the mini episodes, any of the episodes as far and wide as you can, or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, if you could write a review or comment on the Q& A on Spotify or hit those stars, anything you can, widens the reach.

It lets others know that they are not alone in their struggles. They can receive information and validation. There is help out there. And in the absence of adequate medical support. They can receive peer support, which is invaluable in getting a diagnosis later in life, like ADHD.  Now I'm going to share a link in the show notes to the ADHD AF online peer support community.

But if you cannot afford to join that, there are all sorts of support groups out there on Facebook, discord, all sorts. And as I said before, there is also a link to free and immediate support. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD, is not a new medical condition. The first clinical report of ADHD was published in 1775.

ADHD is associated with learning difficulties, school dropout and underachievement at work, chronic fatigue, relationship difficulties and intimate partner violence, increased risk of a variety of addictions, financial problems, increased traffic accidents, an increased number of suicide attempts and self harm and increased criminality.

ADHD is not a trend.  ADHD is real. So it is ADHD AF Day tomorrow, the third annual ADHD AF Day, in which we paint the world leopard print to raise ADHD awareness. I would absolutely love you to join us. All you need to do is is where Leopard Print. As much or as little as you like to stand in solidarity with our Leopard Print army.

Then just post a selfie or video on your social media of you in Leopard Print sharing what you would most like the world to know about ADHD. Then tag ADHD AF podcast hashtag ADHD AF day and I will reshare your posts because if we all join forces we can get the world to listen to us. We can push for systemic change, which is so desperately needed.

Lives depend on it. We are the Leopard Print Army. Hear us roar.