Goals, Systems and Identity

Episode 32: Goals, Systems and Identity. Stepping into the New Year.

Goals are the targets you want to achieve. Systems keep the behaviors going that get you to your goals. The last piece of the puzzle is to decide on your identity and live it. This takes out the battles you seem to have with yourself and it's not willpower either.  Build on what you learned last week about making a paradigm shift. Learn how to drop your end of the rope in the tug of war you seem to always be having between what you want and the behaviors you have.  This episode will walk you through goals, systems and identity so you can find success.

1:11.       Thank you
1:30.       Personal Story
3:18.       Goals
9:10.        Systems
18:16.     Identity
25:12.     This week's ACTIONABLE COACHING ADVICE
26:48.     This week's Valuable Offer
28:14.      Episode 33, coming up

LINKS:
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Book
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Course
This week's Valuable Offer: MAGIC
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Facebook page
Roadmap To Diet Success Instagram
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Transcript

Episode #: 32.    Goals, Systems and Identity 

You’re Listening to the Roadmap to Diet Success, Episode #: 32.    Goals, Systems and Identity - Stepping into a new year

 Introduction

 Did you know that you don't have to spend money on a diet program or weigh, measure and track your food? What if you could learn to have success by following an easy roadmap that takes you on adventures from learning how to change your mindset so that you can believe in yourself, to learning about what foods work best in your body and why? Join me, Miriam Hatoum, health coach, course creator and author of Breaking Free From Diet Prison, as I give you actionable coaching advice that is sure to empower you so that you will finally find peace with food and learn to trust your body’s signals. You’ve got this, girl! 

 Oh, and before we start, I want to let you know that the primary purpose of this podcast is to educate and does not constitute medical advice or services, and I’m keeping up with the science as fast as I can so I can share with you the latest breaking research in this area to help you achieve your dreams!

1:11       Thank You

First of all, I want to welcome you all to Season 2 of Roadmap to Diet Success, and to wish you a healthy and happy new year. Thank you for welcoming me into your space, and I hope that everything you learn on this podcast will help your goals to come true. 

1:30     Personal Story 

This last season of podcasting has presented me with new choices in how I eat and great steppingstones to get there. I have listened to so many specialists in various areas, have devoured many scientific articles, and have added to my personal library. These have not all been in the diet and nutrition arena. In fact, some of my best takeaways have been from people who do not write on these topics. Instead, a lot of the focus has been on personal growth, establishing systems and habits, and developing new identities. 

In my last episode I talked about making a paradigm shift. I asked you to not spend time finding another diet, but to find ways to make diets unnecessary. That full paradigm shift makes you a person who sees this. 

I want to go more into this paradigm shift today by talking about the difference between goals and systems, and how to solidify your identity as someone who sees diets as unnecessary. The caveat though, is that you will not be throwing all things out the window. We will still respect chosen eating styles that get you away from the Standard American Diet, which is loaded with processed and high carbohydrate foods, bad oils, and not nearly enough good fats and oils, protein, and fresh produce. Developing your goals, systems, and identity will start to get this paradigm shift going in your favor. 

 3:18    Goals

Goals are the targets you want to achieve. They provide direction and, as James Clear, author of Atomic Habits says, they can “even push you forward in the short-term.”

Using our roadmap metaphor, it’s important to know where you are going, and figure out a route so that you are not driving in circles – even if it is filled with detours and adventures. In Episode 6 on setting goals, I showed you how important it is that these goals be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Compatible, and made in a way such that you could Keep the behaviors going. 

 Often the mistake in setting goals is making them too lofty or not breaking them into manageable chunks. You might say, “I want to drive from Boston to Los Angeles.” Okay – do you think driving straight through, without figuring out fuel needs or sleep needs will get you there in the best and safest way? Do you think not even looking at a map and just facing your car west will get you there? Your goal is to get from Boston to Los Angeles. We get it. But HOW are you going to get there? You can break it into manageable chunks, say 500 to 800 miles a day. But what is your system for getting there? Will you stop every 2 hours, maybe driving 8-10 hours a day? Will you fill up or charge your car at every opportunity within every 4 hours or so? Will you find out where that many hours or miles will take you so that you can see if there are places to stay overnight? Will you pack a cooler in case there are miles and miles with no stops – which can happen as you hit the Midwest? Looking ahead and answering these questions provide a good system for making the trip.  It keeps the trip going in a safe and organized way.

 What about weight loss goals? Your goal might be to lose 50 pounds this year. That is one pound per week with some wiggle room. Does it still sound impossible? That is 4.2 pounds a month, give or take. How many of you feel so defeated if you lose “only” one pound in a week? Even 2 pounds a week can get you to the same 50 pounds by summer. Entirely do-able. When you look at 50 pounds in six months it looks unattainable. But it might be do-able. The problem is you look at the destination, which would be 50 pounds, and you have no roadmap for getting there. No system for getting there. You give up and turn around before you even get to the first gas station. 

 What you need is a system. You might have decided on an eating style. Mine for the next few months is very low-carb paleo. But that eating style is just the vehicle. It’s still not the system. You and I both know that we have set dozens – even hundreds of goals over the years – and I am just talking about losing weight. It is the rare bird who reaches a weight loss goal AND stays there. The goals come and go as does each diet attempt. I have been successful at small goals in weight loss, but I never had a real system for sticking to what I was doing to keep them going. 

 What I needed to really get me going was the paradigm shift I have been talking about – that the magic is within me, not outside of myself. What I really need to establish is a new identity and the system to get me there. I never really believed – until now – that dieting is unnecessary. I have begun to identify as a healthy person. With every choice I make – whether it is eating or exercising, I ask myself, what choice would a healthy person make? That answer, my friends, is in me and my systems. 

 Let me give you my personal example of exercise, goals and systems. My goal is to get back to walking 5 miles a day like I used to – before two knee replacements, a hip replacement, and a myriad of other issues. I can break that down to smaller goals. My goal last month was to just start walking. This past week, my goal was to double the walk, going from one mile to two. I will work at that for a month until it is no longer daunting and uncomfortable. The month after that, my goal is to add a mile so I am at three miles. That should take two months to be comfortable. By then we are in the dead of winter, and I cannot predict how much I will walk – but my goal is to not stop, even if it is to go back to the one mile on days when the weather is below freezing or snowing. My goal is to stay for another two months at the mileage I have been doing. In the Spring, I plan to go to 4 miles. In the summer, my goal is to be able to walk 5 miles.  

9:10     Systems

A system keeps the behaviors going. They are the processes you put in place to help you achieve your goals. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, while speaking of goals goes on to say, “… a well-designed system will always win.”

 With my walking example, my system would be:  Every night I will check the weather report for the next day so that I can prepare to be dressed appropriately. Then, I will check it again in the morning because things do change here quickly in New England. I will go to bed at relatively the same time each night so that I can get up early to walk. I will plug in my phone and earbuds so that they are fully charged in the morning. Another part of the system is, when I get home, I check in with my walking buddy – who lives miles away. She is my accountability partner with this goal of walking. You may have seen my picture with her on Facebook in September on my birthday. We even check in together on days we don’t walk. The check-in is part of our system.

 The trick is to set up a repeatable set of actions that bring you to your goal. The actions should be easy. If I keep to my system of dressing well for a walk, sleeping enough to recover from the extra activity, keeping my walk pleasant by having my phone and earbuds, having accountability to a friend with similar goals, then there should be no reason not to advance toward my goal of walking 5 miles. The point is to establish a routine that is second nature and does not require a lot of thought or motivation. Go through the actions and the results will follow. Other moving parts of the system are what days to go out. I am swayed a bit by the weather – but my goal is to walk 4-5 days a week. Another part of my system is the time of day to go out. I find that if I do not go first thing in the morning, or at least after my first cup of coffee, then I probably won’t go out at all. That is why my system includes a reasonable bedtime. 

 Systems replace motivation with routine. When the blush of your goals and New Year’s resolutions fades away, the systems you have put into practice will keep you going. Motivation is way overrated. If you have a system in place, you will keep putting one foot in front of the other to get you to where you want to go. Determination and commitment to myself, more than motivation, is what drives this. For instance, speaking for myself, I will go walking because it is time to go walking. I will listen to the weather forecast before bed because I don’t want to be caught unawares with the walking conditions. I don’t need any mental energy to decide whether to do it. I’m caught up in the system so to speak.

 It's easy to pull this apart: Walking almost every day is the goal. What I do to make the walk possible – the clothing, the earphones, the energy – are the systems to reach the goal.

 Let’s talk about our weight loss efforts. Setting your goal is the easy part. Breaking down a goal can make it sound even easier. Remember that 50 pounds in 6 months? About 2 pounds a week? Yeah, that goal. Here it is January, and we are all full of vim and vigor for reaching our weight loss goal. You will pick your way of eating, or even diet if you must, but then what? You can have the goal to stick to your intentions every day. But, HOW will you do this? That’s your system.

 This is where prep comes in and why I told you in an earlier episode to not dive right in. Learn the bones of the program. Figure out some meal plans. Go grocery shopping. Get rid of what you are not going to eat and stock up on what you will eat. This is part of the system for reaching your goal. 

 Here is a good time to talk about making home base your default for on-program eating. That means take care of the systems at home so staying on your plan is a no-brainer situation. You don’t have to rely on motivation. Have the foods available that you are going to eat, have some meals planned, and reduce what you are not going to eat. It’s hard with a partner or children in the house who do not eat the way you want to. Have a system here. Look over your kitchen and pantry, if you have one. Find where you can put off-plan non-perishables for everyone else, preferably out of your line of sight.

 I have one cabinet devoted to all the cookies and candies we have in the house. I know that is not my cabinet, and I do not go into it. On one shelf of my pantry, I keep the instant macaroni and cheese for my grandson, boxes of crackers, and the cereals and pancake mix that I use when the kids come over. This is my system. I will cover more about your home-base default eating in a later episode.

 Think of your goals, figure out what systems will work for you. Your systems must be realistic and flexible. If we have ice cream for the kids and a loaf of raisin bread to make French toast, it might be alongside the frozen fish and shrimp that I use for myself. This is an example of reality and flexibility. I don’t have separate freezers, or a large enough pantry that my food doesn’t pick up calorie cooties from their food. 

 Also, it wouldn’t be realistic, and certainly not flexible, if I banned things from the house that I do not eat. I have a system for not eating bread – my husband is welcome to have it. Even willpower doesn’t have to show up here. I have a place where he keeps his bread – in a space in the kitchen where I have no reason to be. When I set the table for dinner, I ask him to keep his bread on his left side, while I sit on his right side. If we sat opposite from each other, I would just ask him to put the bread arm’s length –– so that it wouldn’t be easy for me to reach it. Systems my friend!

 Another thing about systems is that they are ongoing and constantly rewarding. With a goal, you reach it, or you don’t. And, while you are working toward it, there is sometimes very little payoff until the needle really starts moving. With systems, every time you do something, no matter how little it is, it is an accomplishment. You might get frustrated with a goal, but less so with a unit of your system. The beauty of that is, if something in the system isn’t working for you, you can change it without changing all the other parts of the system or having to revise your goal. For instance, if part of my system is to go to bed on the early side so that I can get up early and walk, there is not a huge change in everything else if I decided that walking at the crack of dawn is not for me, and I would rather adjust things to walk during lunch. 

 Another characteristic of a system is that it is adaptable. Let’s say we have a spell of very cold and snowy weather. I can still reach my walking goal – why not just follow a walking video? There are dozens set at all different mileage, so if I am working on 3 miles for the month, I just pop in a 3-mile walking video. Voila! System adapted.

 A system keeps you focused on the journey. Yes, your destination might be Los Angeles, but the journey is how you get there from Boston!

 18:16   Identity

One last piece of this particular puzzle is to decide on your identity and live it. I gave the example earlier of seeing yourself as a healthy eater, and asking yourself, “What would a healthy eater choose to eat right now?”

 Let me explain it this way. There are two people being offered a cigarette. One person says “No thank you. I am trying to quit” and the other person (who has recently stopped smoking) says, “No thank you. I’m not a smoker.”  Think about that. How much easier will it be for the person who identifies as a non-smoker? There is no battle, no tug-of-war, no willpower, no regret, no hankering. Just, “No thank you, I’m not a smoker.” 

 It is the same concept with dieting or following an eating plan. I’ll take myself and my husband’s bread, for instance. Yes, I have the system of not putting it in front of me, but also, I identify as someone who mostly doesn’t eat bread. There will be times that I do – if it is fresh and hot from the local bakery, or there is a croissant in front of me from the French bakery. But mostly I am someone who does not eat bread. The same for dairy, sugar and any foods that have dairy, sugar or wheat. I identify as that person. 

 It’s not willpower, it’s not a battle. Just as the person turning down the cigarette because he is not a smoker, I have the same nonchalance with bread. Most of the time I don’t even see the bread, croissants, cookies or candy. When we have dinner, the grandkids ask if they can make a dessert plate – usually using all those candies and cookies hiding in the cabinet. There is plenty and I would be in deep trouble if I relied on willpower. Instead, my identity is that I don’t eat those things.

 This could be for anything you want to become. I say that I am a walker. The other day, with all my being, I did not want to go walking. But I am a walker, so I put on my shoes and that’s what I did.

 I say that I am a writer. It is not easy to sit down and stare at a blank screen to come up with blogs and podcasts every week or work on another book. But I sit down and do it. And sometimes only one or two pages in a sitting. But I do it because I am a writer.

 A little tougher, because it’s newer, I am a person who meditates. I started with just one or two minutes of quieting my mind and focusing on my breath. I don’t have to go to a week-long meditation retreat, or even take a one-hour class. No. A minute is enough. A page is enough. A quarter mile is enough. Start small and as you take on an identity and believe it, small things will become larger things. Rather painlessly, I might add. 

Circling back to how I started this episode, with your paradigm shift: Once you set your goals, the systems to achieve them, and your identity to live them, you will indeed find the magic that is in you. Yes, you can follow a prescribed diet with weighing and measuring and tracking your food. You can decide on an eating style, such as Paleo or Mediterranean and pick your foods from those yes/no lists. You can even make them into diets with weighing, measuring and tracking if you want to. 

 Or, you can make this paradigm shift and find the that the prison bars of dieting are not necessary. Here is my personal statement: I am someone who makes healthy choices, listens to my hunger scale and I mostly do not eat wheat, sugar or dairy. BAM. That’s it. I am that person. Changing my identity from “I am someone who is always on a diet and trying to lose weight” to “I am someone who makes healthy choices” is more powerful than you can imagine. It might not take hold immediately, but say it often and repeat it as an affirmation many times during your day, and you will see how powerful it is for you.

 I want you to notice the word mostly. This means that I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions. If I eat birthday cake, bread with butter, a bagel with cream cheese or a piece of cheesecake, I am not a bad person. I did not do anything morally wrong there. My chosen eating plan without those foods and following my hunger scale are things that I mostly do. My stomachache the following day is punishment enough. I don’t have to beat myself up over my food choices. And, don’t you do it either. 

 Don’t box yourself in, the way you would with a prescribed diet that has you weighing and measuring your foods, and perhaps has a very stringent NO list. Have a system to set boundaries, such as “I mostly don’t eat wheat and pasta, but when I go to my favorite Italian restaurant, I will have a side of their homemade pasta, but I won’t also have bread.” Or, “I am going to have a slice of my favorite cake at my birthday, but I won’t also have the other desserts that I know will be there.” Or, “I am going to have a little bit of everything but I absolutely will stop at a 6, which means I have eaten enough.” You don’t want to give yourself enough rope to hang yourself. But do learn where you can give yourself a little leeway. The new paradigm is that you are in charge, and you make the decisions. You own the magic. The diet does not own the magic or you.

 25:12   THIS WEEK’S ACTIONABLE COACHING ADVICE

This is a new year, and I want you to start by making some identity statements. Define your identity. Then define your goals and get your systems in place and goals in place. 

 For instance: 

·       Your identity might be, “I am a healthy eater.” 

·       “My goal is to be at least 30 pounds lighter by summer which breaks down to 5 pounds a month.” 

·       ”My system to get there will be to: 

o   Drink 2 glasses of water for every other type of beverage I drink. 

o   Walk every morning before my first cup of coffee.

o   Make my homebase foods safe and healthy.

o   Use the speed-bump method to slow down my eating.

o   Say my affirmations straight into the mirror in the morning and before I go to bed.

 This week spend time defining and refining your identity. To set your goals and systems, you might find it best to work backwards using either the Massive Action Plan or the Kaisen system I gave you in Episode 18. Refine your course of action by making the goals and systems reasonable and doable. 

 If you need to review anything from last season, go to the show notes and transcript for Episode 31. That will give you the full roadmap for Season 1. 

 26:48  This week’s Valuable Offer

Okay friends, I have been working on this all through Season 1, and I have something very special to offer you. It is my brand-new course, “7 Steps to Your Diet Success – Make Your Own Magic.” This is not a diet plan. Let me repeat: THIS IS NOT A DIET PLAN. They are the strategies you need to make any diet or eating style work for you. It has nothing to do with foods, but everything to do with your mindset and habits. This is your game plan to define your systems and achieve your goals.

 I have taken the science behind the mental game of weight loss. I have picked the top 7 strategies and habits that will put you in charge of your identity of how you want to eat and be in this world as a person at whatever may be a healthy weight for you.

 Find it at miriamhatoum.com/magic. When you use the coupon code PODCAST you will receive a special savings. The direct link to find out more about this course and make the purchase is in the show notes and transcript.

 28:14  Next week’s episode

 Next week I am going to talk about how a food diary can be a useful tool in the process of losing weight or even finding your way in a new eating lifestyle. A food journal – done the way I am going to teach you – can help you understand your eating habits and patterns, and help you identify the foods you eat on a regular basis. Research has shown that keeping a journal can be a very effective tool to help change behavior. It is going to be food journaling like you have probably never done before. We are NOT going to put in quantities of food or any measurements. Just the food folks, and a few other helpful markers.

 So go share the show with your friends, let them know that’s coming up in the next episode, and invite them to tune in with you and learn how to become free from diet prison with my Roadmap to Diet Success.

 And, if you like what you hear, please like and subscribe, and remember to leave a review wherever you listen to your podcast. It helps other people find the show. Also, don’t be a stranger. Come on over to my Facebook page, Breaking Free From Diet Prison, and let me know if there is anything you would like to hear on the show. Better yet, join my Facebook group page, Roadmap to Diet Success, that I set up especially for podcast listeners.  You can also email me directly … miriam@miriamhatoum.com. 

 Until then, go live free from diet worry — I’ll see you back here next time. 

 LINKS:
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Book
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Course
This week's Valuable Offer: MAGIC
Breaking Free From Diet Prison Facebook page
Roadmap To Diet Success Instagram