Today, we're tearing open the envelope that often gets sealed shut - money and relationships. We guarantee you'll find some fascinating insights as we dissect the pros and cons of joint versus separate bank accounts for couples. This isn't just a theoretical chat, we're also spilling our personal stories -yes, it's story time, folks!- navigating finances with our spouses. From the comfort of unified finances to the independence individual accounts offer, we're balancing both sides of the equation.
But we don't stop there, we also delve deep into the potential tension that financial disagreements can bring into relationships, highlighting the critical role of open conversations and transparency. We explore the hurdles of merging funds with a partner who has a different spending style and assure you that it's absolutely alright to choose separate accounts if it suits you better. Also, we're launching a fun segment - random queries from a deck meant for couples, and we're sharing our favorite compliments. Buckle up for a journey that could transform how you view your finances and relationships. Plus, discover the magic a simple compliment can wield and the power of communal gratitude.
Today, we're tearing open the envelope that often gets sealed shut - money and relationships. We guarantee you'll find some fascinating insights as we dissect the pros and cons of joint versus separate bank accounts for couples. This isn't just a theoretical chat, we're also spilling our personal stories -yes, it's story time, folks!- navigating finances with our spouses. From the comfort of unified finances to the independence individual accounts offer, we're balancing both sides of the equation.
But we don't stop there, we also delve deep into the potential tension that financial disagreements can bring into relationships, highlighting the critical role of open conversations and transparency. We explore the hurdles of merging funds with a partner who has a different spending style and assure you that it's absolutely alright to choose separate accounts if it suits you better. Also, we're launching a fun segment - random queries from a deck meant for couples, and we're sharing our favorite compliments. Buckle up for a journey that could transform how you view your finances and relationships. Plus, discover the magic a simple compliment can wield and the power of communal gratitude.
If you enjoyed this show, please share or leave a review. You can also email us directly at hello@brazenwomen.com or send us a message on Instagram.
If you’re interested in monthly group coaching with Calley for just a few dollars a month, check it out here.
If you’re interested in private business or career coaching with Valerie, visit valeriekingmallar.com.
Speaker 1:
Welcome to Brazen, a weekly podcast where we get down and dirty on how we can live a more bold, curious and vibrant life. We are your hosts, Kali Hughes, a self-care coach and nurse practitioner, and Valerie King-Mowler, a business growth and mindset coach. In this podcast, we are helping women stop people pleasing and perfectionism, awaken their inner badass and discover what can happen when we take the lead in our own life. Join us as we explore everything available to us when we brazenly take accountability for our life and well-being. Let's get started.
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to another episode of the Brazen podcast. We are your hosts, Kali and Valerie, and today we are going to be talking about money again, because that is such a big and important topic, especially for women who are working on being independent and autonomous and in charge of their own lives. Today, specifically, we're going to be discussing whether you and your partner should have joint bank accounts or separate bank accounts. We're going to break down the pros and cons of each and talk about our own personal experiences with that question. Yeah, Valerie, you want to get us started with some cool facts.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, we took a look at the breakdown of how many people do you have separate finances. It does get a little bit tricky because there are a lot of people who have completely separate finances and then we have people that are combining a couple different accounts and then having their own personal accounts. These numbers are based on people who have completely separate finances, so no shared bank accounts. Basically, 18% of baby boomers, 19% of Gen X, 31% of millennials and 43% of Gen Z. Finally, it is trending towards more and more people having separate bank accounts. We'll talk a little bit about that, but before we get deep into the pros and cons of having separate bank accounts, Kelly, what is your personal situation? What do you and Garrett do?
Speaker 1:
We have joint accounts. Obviously, before we got married, we had our own, separate stuff and we combined all of our accounts just because, honestly, the interest rates and everything on my accounts were so much better than what he got at his different bank, we just moved his name onto all of my accounts and combined our finances that way. How about you, val?
Speaker 2:
We have completely separate finances. As we've mentioned in previous episodes, we got married later in life and, honestly, the idea of just combining everything seemed like a headache to me. And I don't even know what the process is like, because I've never combined bank accounts with someone. It just feels better to keep it separate. But I do think that it is easier to keep it separate when you don't have kids and we separate our bills out so that we're each paying the equivalent each month or an equitable amount per month. But we don't even really share bills. We each take care of something separate. But I think if we had childcare or that joint thing we have doggie daycare, but we figure that into our bills.
Speaker 2:
I think if you're getting into children and stuff like that it might be a little more complicated, but in our case it has worked really well for us. We are pretty open about how much we're spending and we do have to periodically check in because obviously things like insurance and stuff like that and just like groceries and stuff kind of go up a lot each year. We check it and make sure we're still paying an equitable amount.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, well, I can tell you that the process of joining bank accounts is not nearly as much of a headache as changing your name.
Speaker 2:
Like after you get married.
Speaker 1:
That was a pain in the ass.
Speaker 2:
I also didn't do that Clearly. I'm just lazy when it comes to marital things.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's kind of funny because we're so opposite on so many things, because Garrett and I, my husband, got married really young. We were 22, 23 years old. So at that point again, we kind of talk about this at different points in other episodes, but it was one of those things that we didn't really give any thought to. It was kind of just like oh yeah, well, when you get married, everything just gets combined. That's normal and everybody does that, and so that's what we did, and it honestly didn't even occur to me until years and years later that not everybody does, and sometimes it makes more sense not to in certain situations. And so, yeah, I'm loving that we're having this conversation, because we're coming from two different angles and experiences and everything, and so I think it'll be a good discussion.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's funny that you say that you kind of just fell into combining things, because I feel like I fell into not combining things because we just, I think, have been adults for so long that we I mean not that long, but long enough that we had just function with our own bank account, so we didn't really think about combining them.
Speaker 2:
We're like we can share bills or we can do other things without having to actually combine all of our money together. I mean, I have my own reasons for doing it, but what do you think is the reason why it's trending towards more and more people having separate bank accounts?
Speaker 1:
So I think that one of the things that comes to mind for me with the separate bank account thing is sort of having your own money and not having to ask permission to spend money on something that you want or you know feel guilty about being the one who's always getting takeout or going through the drive-through or whatever and feeling you know guilty about spending your joint money on things that are, you know, maybe frivolous or unnecessary or whatever. I think that's a big benefit of having a separate account with your own money, because it's like, after all, the bills and stuff are paid. What's left over is yours to spend however you want.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean I think we know from all the episodes we've recorded that like freedom is really important to me, and so I gravitate towards that kind of thing like not having to answer for like my spending habits or you know that kind of thing and I think because women have only gotten financial freedom relatively recently like 1970s or more to me, I'm like I'm gonna grab all the financial freedom I possibly can have.
Speaker 2:
But you know, I do like I have read a lot of articles about it because it honestly isn't something I thought a ton about when I did like when we kind of ultimately didn't combine resources, but kind of in talking with friends or just reading things like there is a lot of sort of pros to joining your accounts and I don't know if you want to speak to that, because I mean I'm guessing like there's a lot of more freedom, I mean a lot more ease, I guess, in running your day. But are there other like kind of benefits that you see?
Speaker 1:
Well, one of the benefits that we've found is that, honestly, like paying the bills is a lot easier because, it's all just coming from our joint checking account and so I'm the one who, you know, usually is paying the monthly bills and whatever in our home, and so it's nice to not have to have, you know, the back and forth every single month of like, depending on how you do it. I guess you know some people take some of their own money and put it into a joint checking account and pay their bills from that. Others, just like you know, do what you do where it's like. You know I'll cover this bill, you cover that bill. They're pretty comparable prices each month, whatever. So just not having to like worry about making sure that the other person has paid that bill, because you know it's always. You know, a lot of times the credit and stuff can be affected if your partner doesn't pay their bills and you're married and it can affect your credit score.
Speaker 1:
So you know, just not having the hassle of having to repeat conversations like that every month and just like get it done, that's a pro that I've had, I guess.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think you know a lot of the articles are like couples who have joint bank accounts are happier and I just I feel like that might be true, but I also I'm like I feel like that's a weird thing to like pin happiness.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I was like I think it's more about like where you are financially then it is about, like, whether you have a joint bank account or not, because I'm like I feel like I'd fight more if I had a joint bank account. Probably because I'm like I'd fight more if I had a joint bank account, probably because I'd have to justify my spending.
Speaker 1:
I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:
You know, to me it seems like a lot of liability, like from whatever, and like if you're someone who makes a lot more than your partner, and I think that can bring up some weird things. You know, I mentioned in the beginning like equitable versus equal, because like I make more than my partner, Like take on a little bit more of our bills and so like I'm just curious, you know, and I think that the reverse sort of argument is like if you're paying for someone to go through school and you're helping to take care of them, and like you have a joint bank account, or if someone you know is a stay at home parent or and you have a joint bank account, like that does seem fair because they're obviously like their job is taking care of the kids or you know whatever like there are those pieces of it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean I don't know it just seems like hard to rectify, kind of having unequal salaries but like joint bank accounts, and maybe that's just like really selfish of me, but I don't know. I think it just brings up a lot of questions about like that piece too.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean, I definitely think if you are going to combine accounts with somebody, you need to be 100% on the same page.
Speaker 1:
And you know, that was never an issue for my husband and I, because neither of us are really like impulsive spenders, like we don't go out and make like really big financial purchases without really like talking about them, and so it's worked for us because we both have really similar money mindsets, I guess you would say.
Speaker 1:
But as I was thinking about the topic of this episode before we started recording, I was thinking that in partnerships where there's maybe one person who's a lot more frugal and another who's more prone to you know, wanting to like treat themselves to stuff or like make big purchases, that you know maybe it's kind of an impulsive purchase like oh, I just saw this new speaker system and I was like that would be awesome to have and even though it's like you know, $800, like I'm going to buy it because I think that would be really nice to have.
Speaker 1:
Like I don't think that it's gonna be easy for partners who are like that to join bank accounts. I think in that case it might make more sense to have, you know, a joint account where you pay your bills from and then separate accounts for your own stuff, so that it's like, okay, if you want to pay $800 for a sound system for our living room, you've got it, and I am going to Be over here saving my money and limiting myself to one coffee from Starbucks a week or something like that, you know, because I think it can create a lot of tension if there's a lot of discrepancies and like how people Feel that money should be handled, you know, and they're not on a hundred percent the same page with that.
Speaker 2:
I was interested to hear like neither one of us do this, but like how people who have kind of both separate and the same bank account like how they do that, because I'm like, do you just each like contribute a certain amount each month and, you know, do you figure it out based on like percentage of your money earned, or something like that? Because I could get behind Having a joint bank account for our bills, if that's what we did, as long as I could also have my own separate bank account. And it is true, my husband and I have very similar spending Styles. But I think that you know, I still just like like maintaining my own freedom to not have to like Be like going through the credit card statements or the debit card statements every month and being like that's what I spent that on and that's what I spent that on.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I think that too. So I am a little bit of an An impulsive spender, but not for like big purchases. Like it'll be, you know, if I'm I don't know homesick with the kids for a couple days, chances are there's gonna be some Amazon boxes showing up later that week now. So but the difference is, like my husband and I have really Open communication about stuff like that and honestly, neither of us I mean we have the privilege of having a little bit of a financial cushion with the money that we're making versus the money that we're spending, and so money isn't like super, super tight all the time. We're not pinching pennies all the time, but you know where I might, you know, stop at the drive-thru and grab myself like a, a coffee and a donut from Duncan, like when I'm running errands.
Speaker 1:
You know my husband doesn't do that, but I think at a certain point, you know, he's kind of resigned himself, I guess, to the fact that like this is just an expense that comes along with Cali.
Speaker 1:
It's like, you know, maybe a couple times a week she's gonna get a latte from Duncan, and so like I think that just having like some flexibility and understanding and not being that person who's like going through the statement and like Interrogating the other person on every single purchase that you see as maybe being frivolous or unnecessary or whatever, like you know, assuming that you can afford it.
Speaker 1:
That's, I think, where a lot of the money, disagreements and the stress in Relationships around money you know can come from if you're not financially stressed, where you're like really having a hard time making ends me and whatever. But money is like one of the big contributors to marital issues and separation and divorce and all of that. So you know, I think it's just really important to keep that in mind and sort of have an idea when you're going into the discussion with your partner on, like, how you're going to handle finances, whether you're about to get married or you've been married for a long time. I mean, no one says that you have to continue having a joint account if you think that it might be better to separate things out a little bit. So just kind of, I think honesty and like having those tough discussions is really important and being transparent, all that good stuff.
Speaker 2:
And I should be very clear, like I don't think that my partner would ever sit there and be like what did you spend this money?
Speaker 2:
on like he isn't like that at all. I think I always have this sort of thing that women have kind of made advances in what they have power over now. And for me it's something where I'm like I do not want to give any control up on my financial life because you just never know. And I think that's like both sometimes a smart way to think and also kind of like a little bit of a jaded way to think. But I, you know, there are so many horror stories of women not being able to leave a marriage or not ever knowing anything about their finances because her husband handled all of it and then he dies.
Speaker 2:
Or, you know, like I just I think that for me, like financial knowledge and just freedom is really important, and there is, you know, something called financial infidelity, and so you're to your point you really need to trust your partner if you are combining anything, because you know, if you do have a partner who makes huge purchases or has a gambling problem or has any type of like sort of, you know, financial issue there, they have the potential to hurt you as well.
Speaker 2:
And I think you know, just kind of keeping that in mind and that is one of a big, as you mentioned, a big contributor to divorces, like financial infidelity or not being on the same page with your finances.
Speaker 2:
So, as we kind of always end every podcast with, just make sure you're having these discussions and that you are, you know, you know what you're getting into with your partner and their finances and your own finances and what's your exit strategy. I hate thinking that way but you know I was reading all these financial articles before we jumped on and a bunch were written by, like financial advisors and their thing is like always plan to get divorced. You know, plan what it's going to look like for you to get divorced, because the reality is, you know about half of couples do so. You know you should have an, a plan, and so I think just you know, being very clear and like from start to finish, what you're hoping to accomplish by having either separate or joint or a combination of both types of bank accounts, and you know what it looks like through your whole marriage.
Speaker 1:
Before we wrap up, can you explain a little bit for people who might not have ever heard the term? Can you explain financial infidelity a little bit?
Speaker 2:
So it is pretty much like regular infidelity where a partner is I mean basically eroding trust by doing something that's not agreed upon, like you kept talking about. Like I don't make any huge impulse purchases and I don't even do that with my own bank account. But if you had a partner who you know, let's say you've agreed to kind of follow a certain path, or basically like each contribute a certain amount to the bank account or whatever, and like you have an understanding in place that any big purchases over X amount of money will be agreed upon or whatever, if you have a partner who's like either basically siphoning off money and or making purchases that you only find out about, you know, after the fact. Or I do think of things like a gambling problem where all of a sudden you realize like you're in massive amounts of debt that you didn't know about, and so I think financial infidelity sort of encompasses that whole breach of trust that can happen and just not being really super honest and open about your spending habits or anything like that.
Speaker 1:
So yeah, that makes a lot of sense and I think it just really kind of drives the point home of you know, make sure that you're having these open and vulnerable conversations and don't be afraid to rock the boat, even if you suspect that your partner is not going to be happy hearing that you would like to discuss separating out your accounts. You know, maybe you've had joint accounts for like 10 years and all of a sudden you're asking to separate things out more, like they might get kind of pissed about that or whatever. Like, don't be afraid to go there and like have that conversation, especially if you think that it's in your best interest because, like we talked about, 50% of marriages do and then divorce, and it's always best to plan for the worst, hope for the best and make sure that, in the event that anything would happen that would impact your financial stability, that you're going to be okay. So make sure that you're kind of comparing that and having those conversations with your partner. It's really important.
Speaker 2:
So we are really excited to introduce a new segment that we're going to do at the end of every episode and we definitely encourage you to play along. Ask your friends and family these questions, but we're basically picking a random question from a deck meant for couples, or friends and couples, and we are going to ask each other to answer this, so neither of us will know what the question is going in, so you might get some interesting or spicy answers. But so today's first question is what is the best compliment you've ever received?
Speaker 1:
Oh, okay, I was actually just talking to my husband about this. I don't know why, I don't remember the situation, but the best compliment I have ever received, that I still remember and think back to when I'm having one of those days where I'm just not feeling good about myself. So let me paint a picture for you first. I am like eight months pregnant. I am like in my 11 and a half hours into a 12 hour shift floor nursing, so like I'm thinking I really look like a hot mess, right.
Speaker 1:
Like it's just not good, and so I was like doing that really pregnant lady waddle to the bathroom for like the umpteenth time that shift and there was somebody coming down the hall from an entirely different unit, Like I think they were a visitor or something. They weren't a hospital employee and they stopped me and they were like I just want to tell you you are the cutest pregnant person I have ever seen and I was like Thank you you don't know how much I needed to hear that.
Speaker 1:
I love that. That was like the best compliment I've ever received because it was like just perfect timing. I needed it and it was just so nice, like completely random stranger just complimenting you is so great I love that.
Speaker 2:
So mine happened actually kind of recently and or maybe like a year ago, and I've always struggled with the idea of coaching, like I love it and I've like loved being a coach and I think I've sort of like underhandedly been a coach for like most of my life, because I love championing women who are like business owners, are about to start their own business. But I've always just been like okay, coaching has some like weird connotation and like is it a real thing or not? And so I was having one of those moments where I'm like is this really valuable? Am I actually adding stuff to people's lives or like am I helping people?
Speaker 2:
And this woman who I was coaching just kind of stopped in the middle of our session. She's like I need to talk to you about this and I'm like, okay, like what's happening? And she's like you've changed my life, like you have totally changed my life, and she's like I think you're magic and I was like just like what you just said it's like the perfectly timed compliment, because I was already like okay, like you know, what impact am I having on the world right now? And for her to just do that it was such perfect timing and it just like really sort of just changed my own life. I was like I don't even know how to respond to this, because it was the most perfect thing you could have said to me, and so I think about that a lot and it has kept me coaching, so I really appreciate that compliment.
Speaker 1:
I love that so much. That's so great.
Speaker 2:
So never underestimate how much what may seem like a minor compliment has for an impact on someone's day, because we obviously remember this that many years later. And so, yeah, thank you to everyone that does give compliments.
Speaker 1:
That's something that I've actually been working on more lately is, you know, because I was thinking about how nice it is to get those random compliments from strangers on something that's like just totally not on my radar, but someone noticed it, and so I've been trying to do that more often and just like if I'm, you know, out shopping or something and I see someone who has a really nice I don't know handbag or I love their hair color or they have a really cool tattoo that I noticed I have been so much more intentional lately about making a compliment on that to the person and it's honestly one of those things that, like it makes them feel good and it makes you feel good and it's just drawing attention to more happy, positive things during your day. I mean, you can't go wrong with that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's almost like community gratitude or something. The more that you're like forcing yourself to do that, the more you're going to notice it throughout the day, and then you're like just you know, it becomes like a natural part of your day to like appreciate the people around you and your community. So I love that so much. So we would love to hear your favorite compliments. So if you're listening to this, feel free to DM us or we'll post this question on our Instagram. So feel free to comment, but we would love to hear your most favorite and memorable compliment.
Speaker 1:
I would love, honestly, to just have a whole list of comments under our Instagram post that's just people sharing the best compliments they've ever received. Like that would be so awesome to see. Yeah, so help us out with that, let make it happen Awesome.
Speaker 2:
Well, that wraps up this episode of the Brazen podcast. We are here every Tuesday, so make sure to tune in and share these episodes with all of your favorite people so we can make sure to get the word out. But we will see you next time and in the meantime, keep being brazen. See you later. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Brazen podcast. We'd love to hear more about your parenthood or child-free journey, so please feel free to email us at hello at brazenwomencom. If you liked this episode. Please rate, review and share the episode so we can get the word out there. We'll be back here next Tuesday, but in the meantime, keep being brazen.