Rethinking Sleep Arrangements and Exploring Love Languages in Relationships

You might think that sharing a bed with your partner is an essential part of a romantic relationship, but what if I told you otherwise? What if I told you that many couples sleep separately, and it doesn't negatively impact their relationship? That's just what we're discussing in this week's episode of Brazen. We - Kali and me - bring our personal experiences to the table, examining the stigmatized topic of sleeping separately from your partner. We go beyond the societal norms and explore how it can actually be beneficial for your relationship and your sleep health.

We don't just stop there. We dig deeper into the dynamics of sleeping arrangements within relationships, analyzing the pros and cons of sharing a bed. We touch upon situations when separate bedrooms become a necessity, like when your partner is working night shifts or is unwell. We even open up about our own sleeping conditions, such as room temperature and the weight of the duvet, revealing how these personal preferences might influence your decision to have separate bedrooms.

But this episode isn't all about sleep. We also take a fascinating dive into the world of romance and love languages, sharing our personal interpretations and experiences. We discuss why small acts of kindness often mean more to us than grand displays of affection and how this connects with our love languages. Whether you're curious about separate bedrooms, intrigued by love languages, or both, we promise you a stimulating and enlightening discussion. So, tune in and let's stir up some fascinating conversation together on Brazen.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Brazen, a weekly podcast where we get down and dirty on how we can live a more bold, curious and vibrant life. We are your hosts Kali Hughes, a self-care coach and nurse practitioner, and Valerie King-Mowler, a business growth and mindset coach. In this podcast, we are helping women stop people pleasing and perfectionism, awaken their inner badass and discover what can happen when we take the lead in our own life. Join us as we explore everything available to us when we brazenly take accountability for our life and well-being. Let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Welcome to another episode of the Brazen podcast. I'm your host, valerie, and I'm here with Kali, and today we are answering the question of whether you should be sleeping separately from your partner. But before we get started, we are introducing a new segment to the podcast, and it is two truths and a lie. So each week, one of us will create the two truths and a lie, and the other one will have to guess it. So today I have the pleasure of quizzing Kali, and this one is related to sleep. So these are the topics, or these are the items. Mariah Carey sleeps with 20 humidifiers and gets 15 hours of sleep at night for the sake of her voice.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Number two that sounds like the dream. I'm not going to lie, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:29

All I can think about is how moldy her bedroom would be. That just seems really great. That's a lot of humidity. How many?

Speaker 1: 1:35

humidifiers. Did you say 20? Yes, okay, that seems excessive. That's a red flag. All right, give me number two.

Speaker 2: 1:45

Number two Charles Dickens slept facing north because he believed it helped his creativity. And number three Martha Stewart smokes weed or has a custom made gummy each night and sleeps 10 hours or more.

Speaker 1: 2:02

All right. Well, I've heard that Martha Stewart does not partake in the marijuana.

Speaker 2: 2:14

I did hear that Snoop said that she rolls a very tight joint.

Speaker 1: 2:21

Oh well then I don't know, because I feel like I read something a while back. Maybe it's not true anymore, who knows, but I feel like I read something a while back that was like kind of surprising because I mean, we all know that Snoop partakes, and finding out that they're such good friends and she hadn't at the time of that article or whatever, I was like, wow, interesting way to hold up to peer pressure, martha. So I guess in Mariah Carey seems like she is extra enough to actually do the 15 hours in 20 humidifiers. I'm going to say C is the lie.

Speaker 2: 3:11

You got it. That is a lie. So good job on that one. And I do think that humidifier thing sounds really gross to me.

Speaker 1: 3:21

But yeah, that's like how wet?

Speaker 2: 3:23

would your bed be Like? From like the mist, I don't know. It just sounds really gross to me.

Speaker 1: 3:29

Yeah, it seems like that. Well, how big is her bedroom? I feel like that factures into it too. Yeah, I feel like her bedroom would be massive yeah probably Right, yeah, yeah. But also 15 hours.

Speaker 2: 3:44

I don't think I could even stay asleep for 15 hours oh.

Speaker 1: 3:48

I could.

Speaker 2: 3:49

I don't know.

Speaker 1: 3:50

For sure, I was like is that even medically?

Speaker 2: 3:52

possible if you're not like 18?.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Well, I have been diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia, which is basically just I need an F ton of sleep, and they don't know why. So it's like well, tell me something I don't know. Take my credit card and I'll pay you for that valuable knowledge.

Speaker 2: 4:14

That's crazy. I like yeah, I don't know that the last time if I've ever slept that much I don't know, Maybe like if I was sick, but yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Yeah, I mean not having a dry horse while you're sleeping. Dry throat, yeah, I mean you could sleep for 24 hours.

Speaker 2: 4:38

You should try it. You should like be your little test case and try sleeping in your room with like 10 humidifiers and sleep for 15 hours Like sorry, garrett, I have to like do this.

Speaker 1: 4:52

You know I cast honey. Don't worry about the 15 humidifiers that are being delivered today. It's for an experiment for the podcast. Oh my God, trying to see how much I can sleep. He'd be like oh my God, are you serious? You can sleep forever probably mystery solved.

Speaker 2: 5:10

I also want to know why Charles Dickens thought that sleeping facing north. I think he wrote facing north too, Like he always had a compass with him. But I need to dive deeper into that topic because I'm like where did that come from? But anyway, that's so interesting.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Yeah yeah, chi, yeah Hockras.

Speaker 2: 5:33

That doesn't seem Dickinson to me, dickinsonian or whatever it is Dickinsonian, I don't know Like.

Speaker 1: 5:45

I feel like so many of those old timey folks were like. That's unexpectedly woo-woo about all of that.

Speaker 2: 5:54

Yeah, no, you're right. You're right about that and I think that's what I get about that.

Speaker 1: 5:58

And yeah, he had like ghosts in all of his stories. Einstein had a lot of weird habits and practices too.

Speaker 2: 6:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:06

I mean obviously, like it must have worked for him. Yeah, and Charles.

Speaker 2: 6:11

Dickens. We're still talking about them, however, many years later, so they must have been doing something right. I'll try that as my experiment for the podcast. I'll sleep facing north for the next couple of weeks. I think this isn't really good. I think, it's a good lead in my yeah no, true.

Speaker 2: 6:28

I feel like this is a really good lead into the podcast topic today, because I think that we're going to be talking about whether you should sleep in separate bedrooms or not, and also I think the reason why this is a fascinating topic for me is I actually did an anthropology project in college on sleep habits, because I feel like people's sleep habits are kind of bizarre. Everyone has very specialized and very particular sleep habits, and I'm like the majority of partners who I've slept in the same bed with have not had similar bedtime habits or sleep preferences, and so it is an interesting topic to kind of dive into, like why do we sleep together when preferences might be completely different? So, first off, kali, what is the state of your bedroom? Situation with Garrett.

Speaker 1: 7:28

So we share a bed. We've always shared a bed. That's our situation, yeah, and I think we're both happy with it. Oh good, yeah, I mean you should ask Garrett. Yeah, I'm speaking for him too.

Speaker 2: 7:43

So Izzy and I don't share a bed and he and I probably in theory still shared a bedroom until about like three years ago. But like a lot of times, maybe for the two years previous to that, like one of us would always fall asleep on the couch or like there were times where we were sort of secretly like not sleeping in the same bed. Yeah, part of that was because, like he snores a lot and I move around a lot and that drives him crazy and the starring like made it so that for a long time I had to go to bed before him in order to because I'm also a lighter sleeper, so I would need to like go to bed and be like asleep before he came to bed in order for me to like be able to fall asleep, and I'm usually someone that falls asleep super quickly.

Speaker 2: 8:31

So that's kind of how we ended up in this situation that we are in with separate bedrooms. But we did kind of do some research, of course, on this topic, and it said in 2017, which is the last data that I could find 25% of couples said they sleep separately, and that's according to the National Sleep Foundation. So did that number surprise you or did you think that seemed accurate?

Speaker 1: 8:59

I guess. To me it sounded surprisingly high, like I kind of assumed, I guess, because I mean it's not really something that you talk to people about, but I kind of just assumed that most people slept in the same bed as their partner. So yeah, at first 25% was like kind of high to me, but then when I thought about it like it kind of it made sense.

Speaker 2: 9:25

And I don't know if it's just because of my unique perspective, but I actually thought that number was lower than what I think it actually is, and I think it's.

Speaker 2: 9:33

we can talk about this, because I think this is a big deal and big part of it, but I don't think that. I think that people don't admit to it and I have to admit that I didn't admit to it. You know, probably for the first year, that we were sleeping separately because there is so much judgment about it and I yeah, it is kind of a taboo thing. Yeah, no, I mean like literally anytime I would tell someone like about it, they would just ask you know, are you guys okay?

Speaker 1: 10:01

You know, are you?

Speaker 2: 10:02

having sex and like all this stuff, and you're wow, okay, yeah, no, actually I think we're better than ever because I'm getting enough sleep, so, and there's much more fun places to have sex than the bedroom.

Speaker 1: 10:15

So yes, we are fine.

Speaker 2: 10:18

I think that it is something that is just like awkward to talk about and I think that it's become something that like especially in the last it actually may be say since COVID too that people have been a little more open about it, at least in my circles, and I think it is kind of becoming a little bit more trendy to have separate bedrooms and like now I hear about it from like a design standpoint where women are like I can, you know, decorate it however I want and like it can appeal to me and be my sleep sanctuary, and my husband can do the same or my partner can do the same, and, you know, that way you can kind of embrace the things that are really valuable to you, like in terms of if you like it really dark or you like sound, you know, or you don't like sound, or like you need it to be completely, you know, quiet and cool, you know, whatever your kind of preferences are, I think it allows you to embrace those.

Speaker 2: 11:13

So I think that it's kind of turned the conversation on its head to talk more about like let's talk about the whole sort of discussion of sleep and everything like that, and I really like love that it's become a bigger discussion, of course, so yeah, yeah, and sleep really is super important to your overall physical health, your mental health, I mean everything, and it's kind of it's not given the priority that it probably should be given, especially in our Western culture.

Speaker 1: 11:52

There's kind of that, you know, pervasive mentality of I'll sleep when I'm dead. And you know prioritizing staying up late. You know whether it's to get more work done or to just have some time alone to yourself during the day. I know that you know my husband and I tend to fall into each of those categories Like I stay up late so that I can have more of time. That's just for me, and he typically, you know, needs to get some extra work in the office done and he goes up after the kids are in bed and works for several hours.

Speaker 1: 12:37

But it's so important to prioritize sleep and that's actually something that I have been embracing. I mean I just told everybody that I have this, like I just have this natural need for a ton of sleep and I have been embracing that over the last couple of years as just like a fact about me and so you know there's less shame that I'm probably like putting on myself. I don't really think anybody has been shaming me for like needing a ton of sleep, but I was always like, ah, I feel like such a lame-o, like going to bed at 8 PM and everybody else is staying up, but like that's when I get tired. And so you know, just, I've been getting better at listening to my own body and like going to bed when I'm tired and you know, preparing myself for like waking up whenever I need to wake up, like usually it's around five o'clock with the kids or whatever.

Speaker 2: 13:47

So yeah, yeah, no, I think it's actually become a lot more trendy to get enough sleep, like before. Like you were saying, it used to be like I'll sleep when I'm dead or whatever Like. I think now and I used to be pretty judgy about people that went to bed at 8 PM, but now I'm like, oh good for you, I am also. Some of that stays up pretty late. But I do think that, like the trend is like how can you have a better night's sleep?

Speaker 2: 14:12

And you know, as you said just all these scientific studies on performance, and I think you know just in general just how much healthier and happier you're gonna be if you get a good night's sleep. So that brings up the question why are people sleeping together? Because, like, are you getting a good night's sleep? Like I assume so, and like I feel like when Izzy and I first got together, like I felt like I did sleep better with him there but I felt like, as we like live together longer and longer.

Speaker 2: 14:42

I'm like snoring isn't so cute anymore, I don't know yeah, I just got to the point where I couldn't fall asleep, but I do know that they do say that you know, sleeping together boosts immunity and I don't know how scientific all of this is but like lowers blood pressure, it makes you feel safer, so you tend to fall asleep faster. Like there are some like sort of things that benefits, and obviously the relationship stuff, like the intimacy, and I do think that's something where not so much the sex part of it, but like the tuddling and all of that, like we've had to make a conscious effort, or not even that conscious. We kind of have always just used the time before bed to be like cozy and snuggly with each other, Snuggly yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:30

So we still have that and then, honestly, I fall asleep right away anyway. So, like when I'm going to bed I'm just like I just want to go to bed, like it's not. You know, I'm not there to like hang out and stuff like that. Or I'm reading, and which case that's also a solitary activity and don't need him to hang out.

Speaker 1: 15:47

I just want to read.

Speaker 2: 15:49

Which is funny, because he would probably argue that I am there to hang out. That might be another reason why we have separate bedrooms, because I used to talk a lot, but yeah, but you know, just in general, like yeah, I'm always curious, you know, if people are truly just making it work because of the stigma of having separate bedrooms, or they don't have the option to have a second bedroom. But is that at the expense of their, like, actual good night sleep? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 16:18

In our situation. We don't have an extra bedroom. So even if we wanted to, you know, have separate bedrooms, we'd have to wait until our kids are moved out and we've got some extra space. But I know that personally, like from my own perspective, I do sleep better when I am, you know, sharing a bed with my partner, and can the لا요 Bye be good to you? Like there's something for me, like I really enjoy. We're kind of like that couple that's like we sleep back to back and like have, like our feet are touching or like

Speaker 1: 17:02

like my butt is touching his butt and like that's the only physical contact. But there's something about just having the physical contact that helps me fall asleep faster, it seems. Yeah, but then there is also the like. You know, I'm the one who snores in our relationship, and so it's like sometimes I'll wake him up. Sometimes, you know, he'll get back in late, like if he's been in the office working and that'll wake me up at, like, you know, 11 o'clock or midnight. So there are definitely downsides to it, but ours is a situation out of necessity, but also like I think if we did have the space, we'd probably just, you know, keep the same bedroom.

Speaker 2: 17:52

Yeah, I was wondering too. Like you know, prior to you having kids, and also you were a nurse, like you know.

Speaker 2: 17:59

did you ever have shifts where you were coming in Like especially late, or you know, I feel like I hear more about people ending up with separate bedrooms because of situational circumstances. Like you know, one person is working nights or something, and so you know they kind of do that for that reason, or one of them is like yeah, I don't know, just like those kind of situational things that ultimately maybe either lead to separate bedrooms forever or people just end up back in the same bedroom when the schedules change. But I didn't know if you ever had a time, or like when you were pregnant or something, where you ever like I need to sleep separately.

Speaker 1: 18:40

So one of the things that I think has like really helped our sleeping situation stick is the fact that both of us are really deep sleepers. Yeah, that helps, and so you know, back in the day when I was doing floor nursing and I was working like second shift. I wouldn't get home until midnight, 12, 30 am, and so it would be like I'm getting in bed really late or early, depending on how you think about it and then I usually like had to stay up and like read or something for a while to like wind down and get to the point where I could fall asleep, and so I think and that was all before kids, no-transcript it did disturb him.

Speaker 1: 19:31

I probably would have just, you know, opted to go into a separate bedroom when I got home late the only time really that you know. Usually it's him deciding like I'm not sleeping in here tonight, it's like when I have a cold and I'm like it's like that incessant coughing and that really keeps him awake, and so sometimes, if that's the case, he'll, you know, go sleep in the kid's room or on the couch or something like that, but other than that he's usually we're right next to each other, yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:10

Have you guys had to compromise a lot like on you know, do you like it really warm and he likes it cold, or like anything like that, or have you guys always just been sort of in sync with that?

Speaker 1: 20:21

Well, I think I'm the one who has a lot more particular taste about things. He's pretty go with the flow. Oh, that's awesome.

Speaker 1: 20:30

Lucky to have him. But yeah, like I need a cool environment and it's like very weird, but I need my feet to be cool. Like if my feet are too hot, I cannot sleep. Oh, so sometimes, like we have a wood stove and so this time of year when it's kind of that in between temperature and it's not really cold, but we have the fire going and it's like a freaking inferno up in our bedroom, which is upstairs, like I'll just, I'll turn the fan on just so that I have some like airflow and like be able to cool my feet off. And he's like, yeah, whatever, and then he just like falls asleep in.02 anyway.

Speaker 2: 21:18

So yeah, just you talking about that? I have recently been following this woman who lives on an island in Norway and she was talking about the Scandinavian sleep method, which is when you have separate duvet, so like if one partner likes a really heavy one you can have like you have your own and then they have their own.

Speaker 2: 21:41

And I think that works really well if, like, one of the partners is a covers hog and, like I mean, it's still you're in the same bed, but you can have kind of like some climate control a little bit. And so I thought that was like a pretty creative idea, because I do think that temperature is a big dissenting factor in a lot of like sleeping. You know, do you sleep with the window open? Do? You not, you know and I think this is something where you can kind of like compromise.

Speaker 1: 22:06

So I thought that was interesting. That is interesting. I'm curious about your sleep arrangement. So do you and Izzy ever share a bed? We do All night long or no, we do occasionally.

Speaker 2: 22:22

Yeah, no, we do. Occasionally we also have a dog that likes to come in if we're both in the bed, so it is. Sometimes it ends up being that we fall asleep together, but then usually in my bed, like, and then he'll be like, no like.

Speaker 1: 22:33

I'm going to go down.

Speaker 2: 22:34

But I think part of the reason why we ultimately just embrace the separate bedrooms is because we have two bathrooms and he like naturally has a one downstairs and I have the one upstairs and so like his bedroom like is like across the hall from that bathroom and mine is near this bathroom. So we like kind of just naturally were like oh, it just kind of works out well that you have like all of your stuff. It's like separate apartments almost at this point.

Speaker 2: 22:59

But I think that like that kind of like precipitated it, but sometimes we'll switch for like a little holiday and so he'll sleep in my bed and I'll sleep in his bed, like, which is so bizarre, but it's just like kind of a fun, like you're staying in a hotel or something. So I try to make it like nice for him to like, you know, to like I spray a little like linen spray on the bed and make it like so special night for him. So little chocolate on the pillow.

Speaker 1: 23:27

Yeah, exactly, I've done that before too.

Speaker 2: 23:31

And you know the bathroom like really pretty and all that so we do have for you.

Speaker 1: 23:37

Does he like? Yeah, the ambiance.

Speaker 2: 23:39

Oh, that's not as much as I do, but like he tried to make it like nice and stuff. So we do kind of try to have fun with it. And you know we are mindful of what you're losing by not sleeping together because we did for so many years. So we do make a point of like making sure that certain things you know that we are like having the cuddle time before and you know like all this stuff that goes around that. But as always, like how we talk about in every podcast, like having an honest conversation with your partner about it, and you know what works for you now might not work for you in five years or when you're having kids or when you you know, if one of you changes a job or whatever, like you may have to kind of change like the circumstances as you go, but just really like noticing what it is that you and your partner both need.

Speaker 1: 24:31

Yeah, I have a friend. She has several young children and they do the bed sharing thing and they actually got like an extra mattress for their room. So usually it's my friend, the mom, who is like sleeping on the big floor mattress with like all the kids.

Speaker 1: 24:58

And then you know her husband is, like you know, up separate because he needs that space and not being disturbed by the kids where she doesn't. It doesn't bother her, phase her to have kids crawling all over her all night and she likes that. So I thought that was kind of an interesting compromise, especially when you have kids who like to like climb up in your bed and stuff like that, like a nice middle ground almost, to have like just a separate mattress that you can go to or you know, people just normally gravitate towards or whatever, does she ever like sort of consider having like a separate bedroom at that point?

Speaker 2: 25:41

Like I feel like I would be, like I just want my own bedroom at that point with the kids? Because I want to make it nice and not like yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:48

I don't know. I mean I think as some of the kids have gotten older, they've moved into their own room. And so I think eventually like it's just gonna be their bedroom again. Yeah, true, it's just. You know the season of little kids and you know nightmares and needing to share a bed and getting kidney punched, you know by a toddler?

Speaker 2: 26:14

Yeah, but no, I think it's. You know I like they have like shown that having like your dog sleep in bed with you is actually not a good idea. But I really like it. But I definitely don't get a good night's sleep, but I see why people like sacrifice. You know, I mean, a dog isn't quite the same as a kid, but I see why people sacrifice like sleep to have that sort of cozy family you know, stop, so I get it yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:41

I have to say, you know, with my kids, when my husband is gone, like if he's on a weekend trip or, you know, a vacation or something like that, and I'm home alone with the kids, it's actually really funny because I have this arrangement with my oldest, who's six I'm like, oh, when dad is gone this weekend, you can share the bed with me, because she is the kind of kid who just like like I think physical touch is her love language, like she just loves snuggles and close time, and so we both love that. But it's funny because when it's flipped and like I'm the one who's not home, he's like nope, you're sleeping in your bed. I need space. Oh my God, I love that. So, yeah, it's just funny how people have like such different preferences.

Speaker 2: 27:35

And yeah, yeah, so we are gonna wrap up that topic and we are now going to go into our final segment, which is our question of the day. And, just as a reminder, neither one of us are gonna see these questions. We definitely recommend you asking yourself this and kind of talking to your partner or your friends about these questions. So today's question is what does romance look like to you?

Speaker 1: 28:03

Oh, Well, I feel like this question is what's your love language?

Speaker 2: 28:12

I know I was just thinking that you just said that Charlie's love languages.

Speaker 1: 28:16

Yeah, I guess romance to me is kind of more along the lines of like making time and those little personal touches, like getting a little gift just randomly because they're like, oh, I saw this and I thought of you. Those types of things are really sweet and romantic to me. So I'd say that quality time and personal touches I love that.

Speaker 2: 28:50

Are you someone that is like, likes rose petals on the bed? Like you know, flowers, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 28:59

No rose petals on the bed. The first thing that makes me think of it is like, first of all, that would be like the first thing that I'm like sweeping off and it seems excessive and like pointless to me. But that's just me. I mean, I've never had flower petals on the bed, so maybe I just don't know what I'm missing. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 29:23

I'm pretty practical and I'm getting less practical, I guess, as I get older. But for the longest time I was like I don't need flowers, they just die. It's a waste of money. But now I'm like, hey, if someone wants to buy me a bouquet of flowers, like I'll take it because that seems really nice, and like I don't necessarily think that it would be like a little chintzy gift kind of thing. That wouldn't be as romantic to me as like I don't know, I heard you talking about how you're all out of. You know, like those purple pens that you like and I saw these and I grabbed them for you because I thought that you could use them. Like yeah, that's so sweet. I mean you know that I am an office supply girlie, but like that would be so sweet, I think, like for anyone to just be like oh, you were listening and then you like noticed that item was right there and you chose to get it for me and that's so sweet and thoughtful, like that's kind of what I think, yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:40

I love that. I think that mine is kind of similar and I know I always sound like really cold on the podcast, but I think mine I am kind of a practical romantic. I you know Izzy makes me coffee every morning, which is like amazing. I think that kind of thing is huge and so I would say like little acts of service is just really sweet and just, yeah, amazing.

Speaker 2: 31:03

But I think also just I think yeah, I've never been like a rose petal or you know any sort of like gift kind of things, but what I really like is when we do like shared experiences, like especially unusual ones, or like kind of fun, like having dinner in one of the outdoor igloos and stuff like that, you know, like just really fun, kind of unique experiences that we spend together, I think, is like romance to me.

Speaker 1: 31:31

Ooh, I love that. Yeah, and one thing that I kind of was thinking as you were talking is like it sounds like both of us are kind of more the small acts of kindness versus like grand gestures kind of people.

Speaker 2: 31:48

Yeah, I think that they feel too staged to me. When it's like like our proposal wasn't. Like him on one knee in a restaurant, like it was just like sitting on the couch, you know like, but that to me was good enough, like I didn't get anything else, seems too much. And I also think, like going back to our last podcast about you know, bank accounts. Like, usually if I want something like a gift, wise, I usually just buy it for myself, as bratty as that sounds and so like having like those little things.

Speaker 2: 32:18

Are that people are like I was thinking of you or you know it's just. I think that's way more meaningful than something expensive.

Speaker 1: 32:27

So yes we're on the same page there for sure.

Speaker 2: 32:31

Well, we would love to hear what you all say to this question, what your answers are. So we will post it on our Instagram and feel free to comment your answers or, if you want, you can DM us, but definitely ask your partner to see if you're on the same page. It is interesting. I did ask is he recently? Not this particular question, but the love language one, because it's like my love language is giving gifts, which is funny because I don't necessarily like to receive them, but his is receiving gifts. So it's like good to know if you're like on the same page on.

Speaker 2: 33:02

You guys are made for each other. Yeah, so cute. But I think that you know paying attention to that and having that conversation with your partners really helpful, but also your friends, because it's really fun to hear what they have to say about this.

Speaker 1: 33:16

So make sure to answer that as well. One of the things that I have been learning about in my like trauma informed parenting class is the importance of asking specifically for like what makes people feel loved and appreciated, and so it's kind of funny that you brought that up, because it made me think of that.

Speaker 1: 33:40

And so, like there is no shame in just coming right out and being like, hey, I want to make sure that I am showing you appreciation and giving you the romance that you know, want and would like and need, and so how would that look for you? Like, how do you experience romance Like you know the most, or whatever? And asking those direct questions is a great way to get a direct answer, so give that a shot.

Speaker 2: 34:16

Yeah, no, when you were saying that, I was thinking that, like Izzy and I have those conversations a lot in the car. So now it's almost like the Pavlov response or Pavlonian or whatever it's called where, like, when we get in the car, it's suddenly like we have those kind of conversations because we're just used to doing that. So I love that.

Speaker 1: 34:34

Nice. I love that we've talked about Pavlovian and also.

Speaker 2: 34:39

Dicksonia, dicksonia. In this episode I'm making up words here. Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 1: 34:45

I think Pavlovian is a real word. Yeah, I'm not sure about Dicksonian, though, but I like it and I'm going to use it wherever I can. I don't know when that situation will arise, but I will use it, oh my God.

Speaker 2: 35:01

Well, this wraps up another episode, and we want to hear what you have to think about shared bedrooms or separate sleeping spaces. So feel free to hit us up, and we are here every Tuesday, so check us out and make sure to share these episodes with your friends and family so we can get the word out. And, in the meantime, keep being brazen. We'll see you later. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Brazen podcast. We'd love to hear more about your parenthood or child-free journey, so please feel free to email us at hello at brazenwomencom. If you liked this episode. Please rate, review and share the episode so we can get the word out there. We'll be back here next Tuesday, but in the meantime, keep being brazen.