Unleashing Your Potential by Setting and Pursuing Authentic Goals

Valerie King-Mallar talks about the potential and benefits of self-coaching for personal growth. No professional coach? No problem! This episode is your guide to setting goals that resonate with your deepest motivations and overcoming the barriers that have been keeping you from reaching them. Gain insight into the art of affirmations and learn to celebrate your victories, not dwell on defeats. Plus, you won't want to miss the special announcement that just might be the spark for your next great adventure.

As our session wraps up, I extend a heartfelt invitation to remain part of the conversation. Your stories and experiences, whether they revolve around coaching, entrepreneurship, parenthood, or choosing to live childfree, are the lifeblood of this podcast. Reach out, share, and find support through my website or email – your insights are invaluable. Challenge yourself to be bold, and know that I'm grateful for your presence here on the Brazen Podcast. Here's to making 2024 a year of audacity and vibrant growth!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Brazen, a weekly podcast where we get down and dirty on how we can live a more bold, curious and vibrant life. We are your hosts Kali Hughes, a self-care coach and nurse practitioner, and Valerie King-Mowler, a business growth and mindset coach. In this podcast, we are helping women stop people pleasing and perfectionism, awaken their inner badass and discover what can happen when we take the lead in our own life. Join us as we explore everything available to us when we brazenly take accountability for our life and well-being. Let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Brazen podcast. I'm your host, valerie King-Mowler, and I'm here alone today to give you part two on coaching, and today we're going to talk self-coaching. So I'm going to give you some tips, and this is a perfect episode if you're not sure, if you are yet ready to invest in coaching with an actual coach. So these are some tips that can help you self-coach and get a little further in your goals this year. Also, stay tuned for the end of this episode, because we have a little bit of an announcement and so we want to make sure you hear that as well.

Speaker 2: 1:21

So the first thing about self-coaching is anyone can do it. Everyone should do it, whether or not you're working with a coach or not, but a big piece of it is. You have to be really deliberate about the coaching and really be a little bit of a tough love person with yourself, and I think that we have so many stories that we cycle through with why we haven't accomplished a certain goal or why we can't accomplish a certain goal, and you really have to be able to be willing to push yourself outside those stories. So you are going to have to get a little bit outside yourself a little more objective in order for this to work. But the first thing is setting goals, and I think you need to know a little bit about yourself and what motivates you. So if you're someone that loves new beginnings, or if you're someone that is a little bit of a perfectionist, or you're someone that needs kind of smaller goals because you want that instant sort of hit of success, knowing those pieces about yourself means that you can set goals that will be really motivating to you. So, for example, if you are someone that loves new beginnings, it might be good to set monthly goals so that you are at the first of the month you're setting your goals each time. They can be kind of continuations on the same goal, or if you wanted to break down like a bigger goal into month chunks that you can do that. You can also do quarterly goals. So every 12 weeks becomes almost like a new year. As opposed to waiting for January 1st every year, you can embrace that new school vibe in September and set your goals then. So just kind of be really creative about what is going to work for you and once you set those goals, make sure you know the answer to the question, which is what does it mean to successfully achieve this goal?

Speaker 2: 3:19

So if your goal is to lose, like I want to be healthier this year, you're never going to know what that actually means. So you have to set some benchmarks for yourself. Does that mean you lose a certain amount of weight? Does that mean you run a 5k? Does that mean you climb a mountain? What does that actually look like in practice? And so, just having that information, I'd also recommend, if you're someone that tends to set goals and get super excited about the goal setting process and then even sort of forget your goals or basically just dilute the kind of goals in your head and kind of back off you know the set strong goals that you set it's a good idea to write them out every morning and so that you get re-inspired and recommitted to your goals. So just writing it out every morning or having it someplace where you look at it every single day and kind of internalize it.

Speaker 2: 4:14

The second thing is to figure out what your stories are, that you're telling yourself and these limiting beliefs we all have them. I kind of picture it like if you're standing on one side of a rock wall and your goals on the other side, we kind of end up adding a lot of rocks to that wall because we just think we're not able to achieve our goal. And those rocks can be excuses or it can be you kind of digging into your history and saying, well, I've never been able to accomplish this type of goal before, so why would I be able to do it this time? So your goal is to kind of disassemble that rock wall that's preventing you from reaching your goal. And by doing that, this is where you have to be really honest with yourself. I find that free writing or like journaling in the morning or just having a maybe even a partner or friend kind of talk you through some of it.

Speaker 2: 5:09

If you're someone that's a more verbal problem solver, looking for tools like that to kind of figure out what it is that's holding you back. It could be a fear of success, it could be a fear of failure, it could be that, like I said, you look for only the bad instances, when you've not overcome something. And another way to do this kind of exercise is to look back at all the times you were successful, so taking all those times you were not successful and kind of throwing them away and then starting to list all the times you have been able to achieve a goal or how far you've come in the past year or anything that kind of builds up your confidence. Listing out 100 achievements is also a really good one, and then you can kind of pick the ones that are most applicable and keep those really visible, anything that can disprove the story that you're telling yourself.

Speaker 2: 5:59

So if you have a fear of success, it might be that you're scared of being seen or being bullied online is a common thing and you know you can kind of dig into why that is like upsetting to you. I mean, no one really wants to be bullied online but with all the success that you get from that, like, is it worth that sort of negative piece? And truly just kind of digging into what's behind everything and then just writing out things like mantras or anything that can help you overcome that feeling, that lack of confidence. So if you feel like you're not smart enough to achieve your goal, it's like I'm smart, I'm able to achieve this. I have, you know, shown that I've been smart in these ways, whatever you need to do to have some way of disproving it to yourself, and then also anytime you set like a small goal for yourself to achieve your bigger goals.

Speaker 2: 6:53

So, for example, if you were really interested in writing a book this year and one of your steps was to reach out to a well-known author or an author in your area and send them an email, and then you don't do it, like asking yourself why am I not doing it? And really holding yourself accountable, which can be super hard, which is why people hire coaches. But if you can, you know kind of force yourself or partner up with a friend who's also trying to achieve some goals and have them hold you accountable. But you have to stop making excuses and you really have to dig into why you're making that excuse and it's likely a lack of confidence or, once again, if you're afraid of being actually successful or whatever that is. Just keep going back to your reasons and your stories and dismantling them each time and then just really you know I've talked about it a couple times, but I would say the third step is to try to, even if you're not going to actually hire a coach, work with a mentor or someone that can hold you accountable, because no matter how amazing you are at stepping outside of yourself and being able to examine some of your excuses.

Speaker 2: 8:07

Some are so deeply ingrained that it is really helpful to have someone talk you through those excuses or those stories. So having someone that can also, you know daily, hold you accountable or whatever kind of situation that you decide, works best for you, whether it's a group of women who get together once a month and just share their goals or in their progress, or if it's like just a friend or a partner that you talk to kind of regularly to keep you on track. So those are a couple ideas to self coach and I think that those are the things that, as a coach, I work with my clients through, and also just really making sure you're stepping up your progress. So if you are successful in achieving a small goal, that you're setting the next one and also really making sure that your goal is big enough. A big piece of what I do with clients is just keep pushing them until we arrive at a goal that's big enough, and I always say to them like I never want to think in terms of failure, but if you don't achieve that specific goal this year, you're still going to be so much further along than you were when you kind of set that lower end goal. So really making sure you're asking yourself what do I want? What does my life look like? Is my goal big enough? Am I just setting a small goal because I'm not confident in my ability to achieve it, and just making sure you are really pushing yourself.

Speaker 2: 9:41

And that's where a coach a hired coaches you know, really valuable, because they will push you and they will make sure that you are really striving for kind of the best version of yourself. So those are a couple of tips and I would love to hear more. If you have any, you can always reach out to us on social media. But I also wanted to make sure to save some time to make our big announcement, which is Kelly and I are going to be taking a break from podcasting. This was a hard decision, but it's something that we coach our clients on, which is being really mindful of your time and also being protective of kind of your goals, and in some cases you may have to pause or stop something that isn't serving you in that moment and both of us have a ton going on, all good things, but it's just making podcasting really difficult and we realize that we can be more effective if we're using our time towards coaching or towards other sort of business things that we're working on. So we will be taking a break, but stay tuned.

Speaker 2: 10:52

Brayzen will be back and in the meantime, you can still reach out to us on social media.

Speaker 2: 10:57

You can also contact me directly my website's Valerie King Mallor m a l l a r dot com or Valerie King coaching dot com, and you can access me by email at hello at Valerie King Mallor dot com, and so we would love for you to still stay in touch. If you have questions about coaching or self coaching, or you know how to start your business or anything like that, you can feel free to reach out to us. But we wish you the best and we hope you have a super productive 2024. Until we chat with you again, take care and in the meantime, keep being brazen. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the breeze and podcast. We'd love to hear more about your parenthood or child free journey, so please feel free to email us at hello at breeze and womencom. If you liked this episode, please rate, review and share the episode so we can get the word out there. We'll be back here next Tuesday, but in the meantime, keep being brazen.