Navigating the Seas of Fatherhood, Relationships, and Travel

Byron and Josh fresh from their adventures in Puerto Vallarta and Galveston, sit down to compare notes about their travels, culture, and some unexpected experiences? Welcome to a conversation that takes you from the warm waters of Mexico to the chilling tides of California. We paint a vivid picture of our recent vacations, share the surreal experience of being searched for drugs in Mexico, and delve into the magic of Carlos Santana's exclusive free concert. 

Ever wondered how the dynamics of relationships evolve over time? We have an honest discussion about our childhood, the influence of having (or not having) a father figure, and reflect on how crucial family vacations are in shaping our perspectives. As our children grow older, we find ourselves trying to strike a balance - creating new experiences and cherishing old memories. We also explore the significance of financial stability, the stress it can induce in a relationship, and the importance of putting each other first.

Teamwork makes the dream work, especially in marriages. We take a deep dive into the different stages of a relationship, the importance of respect and transparency, and how your dynamic as a couple can influence your children's expectations from their future partners. We also touch upon the nitty-gritty of planning a successful vacation, the value of effective communication, and the joy of shared experiences. Lastly, we delve into the complexities of father-child relationships, the importance of treating all children equally, and the role of communication and financial stability in nurturing these relationships. Join us as we navigate these uncharted territories together!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrock. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives.

Speaker 2: 0:25

It take more than names to be a man oh yeah. It take more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to be the bad oh yeah, it take more than Okay here we go One more time.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Byron, at the mic with my co-host, josh man, how you doing, I'm doing well. So here we are again in this hot, hot, hot, hot country. Okay, just a hot state, hot country. And it seems like these temperatures throughout the United States is just burning everyone up. And we talked about Hawaii last time and that's just such a tragedy. And you know, back east the heat, just pick a state. You know I am glad to be here, man. You know I just got back.

Speaker 1: 1:24

I want to talk a little bit about my vacation and I know you and I both just got back on vacation and you go to an interesting place for your vacation, but I'm gonna. My wife and I, we just got back from Port of Arata and I've never been to Port of Arata and I had a great time. I hadn't had a vacation like that in a long time and just she and I and no COVID. It was a beautiful thing, I gotta tell you, as I went to Mexico and I'm in the airport in Mexico and they have drug dogs sniffing my luggage and I'm just thinking why would I snake drugs into Mexico? I just found that ironic, you know. And then drugs are illegal in Mexico and there was irony in that you know All the drugs that come out and yet there are searching people who come in with drugs, who would bring drugs to Mexico, right, right, right. So I just thought that was crazy.

Speaker 3: 2:32

You usually find what you want cheaper in Mexico.

Speaker 1: 2:36

You know what? Mexico again, drugs are illegal in Port of Arata. I learned that Carlos Santana lives there in Port of Arata, and I think it's October the 15th. You might want to check me on this, but I think they said every October the 15th, down on the waterfront he gives a free concert and that day marijuana is legal for one day. Can you imagine the scene down there? Oh, man, and Carlos is my guy man. I love me some, carlos Santana, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:14

And I love the beach. Now, it doesn't have the beaches of a cancun, but it does have the mountains that are beautiful and the water is just beautiful. But you know, I noticed the water was warm and, having lived in Southern California, I remember the water was always cold, so this water was like a sauna.

Speaker 3: 3:36

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:38

So, and I tell you, we saw a show like Cirque de los Soleil. It wasn't that, but it was in that vein, on one of the islands there. I'm not one to remember everything where we've been and the names of it, but we've been all over Europe in the castles and my wife can tell you every country, every castle. I just say it was a castle, every castle looking like to me.

Speaker 3: 4:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:01

We were in Mexico, I don't know, but we did go in the mountains and we went to a native village where there's a tribe there that still lives there and they mixed native Indian and Hispanic or Mexicans and they I don't even remember what they called them. I should I should look that up while we're on the show. But it was just a fun time and I had some of the best fish special lobster bass and I was just just laying out, doing nothing. My view was spectacular.

Speaker 1: 4:32

You know, if those that follow me on Facebook or Instagram, I've gotten a lot of comments on some of the pictures I posted of the view from the balcony of our hotel and the oceans and, man, it was a beautiful, people were great, it was just a great time. And I know you just got back to from vacation somewhere you go every year that for the life of me I don't know why anyone would go there. But, that said, I've met a half a dozen people or so who love to go there, and that is a place in our great state of Texas.

Speaker 3: 5:08

Oh yeah, and we go to Galveston every year, even if we go else, other places. You know we've been to Cali, love LA, don't get me wrong, love it, but that water is cold. You said it earlier. You know we showed up for a summertime vacation in Cali and that water felt like wintertime.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Yeah, we lived there 14 years.

Speaker 3: 5:30

It is my son he played in it but he even he was kind of like you know, this is, this is cold.

Speaker 1: 5:36

But why would you even get in the water in Galveston? Well, galveston, it's like sewer water.

Speaker 3: 5:41

No, not even. What do you mean? It's not. You know, it's sandy. It's not dirty, it's sandy, and that's the thing is that there's a lot of people talk about Galveston and the water, but if you go and look at every beach in America, they find the same same same fecal content in most cases, but I don't get it, galveston. It's shallow, it's very sandy, it's a sandy water and it's not always that color. It can be clear. The water change is based on tide and season.

Speaker 1: 6:17

That makes sense. That makes sense, I guess. No, I guess I have never been to Galveston when the water was clear.

Speaker 3: 6:26

Yeah, and that's I mean, for me it's.

Speaker 1: 6:28

But then I've only been there twice.

Speaker 3: 6:29

And first, it's not even really about the water. I love the water. I love the sound, the smell. I love the ocean. Now is it the clearest, prettiest water now. But for us we can go anywhere, but we always find relaxation in Galveston. No matter where we go, we have great time, we have fun, but Galveston is something about the relaxation, the food. You know I'm a foodie and I know where all the hot food is and there's few places I've traveled to that I can. Just I know I can eat every single meal and not be disappointed. Both foodies, yes.

Speaker 1: 7:05

So in fact I found a new taco spot, but I'm not going to digress. We are talking about our vacations and that leads us into vacation, family vacations, and I know that me, growing up in the situation I did latchkey kids, single parent welfare I remember my first vacation was my mother sent me to Alabama for a vacation and I remember my uncle, my, my, my Auntie's husband had a farm. Uncle Joe had a farm. Oh, macdonald had, and at any rate we were.

Speaker 1: 7:50

I was playing with my cousins and we get the call Uncle Joe needs us, uncle Joe needs us and they take all the kids visiting, kids, the kids that live there, and we go to Uncle Joe's farm and what he needed us for was to help him harvest potatoes. And he has this mule and he's a go mule, let's go mule. And the mule's gone and with the what you call that thing, the mule pulls it. I can't Wagon, no, it's not a wagon, it's got a sharp edge on it and the mule pulls it and it takes up and it pulls up the dirt and then the potatoes are under there and you got to follow them and you got to pick up potatoes, you know, and that's vacation.

Speaker 1: 8:39

And I told my mother. I said I don't need no more vacations. But you know, the fact of the matter is Children that grow up in fatherless homes are less likely to have vacations than children who don't. Because even those children that grew up in fatherless homes I'm sorry, homes with fathers. They may not have extravagant vacations, but they will always drive somewhere. You throw those kids in the car and they'll pack a lunch and they'll go somewhere and they enjoy vacation. That didn't happen for me. How about for you as a kid?

Speaker 3: 9:18

Man? Not really. I've been on vacation as a kid a couple of times. I know my grandparents took me to Washington DC as a kid which I think that was a waste of their money, because I didn't appreciate it at all. My grandma liked museums and I was a little I was like nine, ten years old had no interest in seeing the Washington monument going through. Only place I remember I liked the most was I liked all the people selling stuff in the street.

Speaker 3: 9:52

And I liked the street vendors and the what do you call it? The Airplane Museum. So they took me to Disney World as well, and that again I was young, but as far as like my mom taking me somewhere no, not really. White dad, we'd gone to Galveston before and White dad yes white.

Speaker 1: 10:17

His fault. You hooked on Galveston.

Speaker 3: 10:20

And maybe he's not a big fan, but it's the taking some, taking the kids somewhere. I've been.

Speaker 1: 10:29

And that's what I was going to ask you, because I know that you take your whole family on vacation. You, your wife, both your kids go on vacation California. We extended to and in fact, the pictures that that Aaron posted in Galveston. You guys like you having a great time. Oh yeah, you know you were giving your kids some great memories. You know, and I was kind of even though I dog on Galveston a little bit, I hate on Galveston a little bit I was like I wish I was there.

Speaker 3: 11:02

Oh yeah, no, it's, it's. A lot of people joke on it, but I mean, for me it's there's a lot to Galveston to unpack in the sense of that's why I took a little bit of time to get there and I think it's a lot of people who are doing it. When we broke, broke, when we moved to Texas, we had nothing. We tagged along right with someone and it was dollar menu every day. Right, we find a way to McDonald's and get that dollar menu, but we was at the beach. She didn't know no different.

Speaker 3: 11:32

So Galveston for me has also been a progression of success. Ok, because each time we go back we have, you know, we get to do something we weren't able to do the last time, like, for example, the the pier. They got something called Pleasure Pier. It's got a theme park. It's kind of like Santa Monica has a theme park on the pier, right. So you know, we've never, you know, really took Jordan to the pier. He was young, expensive, whatever. We tired, whatever the case was. But each year we go back we try to do something we've not done before, try something we've not tried before. So I just leave one you know restaurant that I'm not trying before, which I'll take a risk on. You know, we found a Mexican restaurant that was terrible. You know what I'm saying. We won't go back. But we also found another new restaurant that was amazing.

Speaker 3: 12:14

But the point is, as we went from dollar menu, coming out there with her, so she remembers Galveston when we broke Window shopping right through the strand, because strands right by the, the port, you know, they got nothing but shops and some cafes, stuff like that. They also do the largest, second largest, mardi Gras next to New Orleans, really, because there's a lot of Cajun folks out there. You know Juneteenth was birthed in Galveston. It's the last place to gain its independence or freedom from slavery, right? Wow? So there's just a lot of stuff historically that goes on there. The flavors are crazy, but it's really the evolution of, I guess, income and maturity, the ability to take the kids to do things. They're getting older now they don't want to do the same things like moody gardens. They don't care less about that, they'd rather go turn up my daughter, you know, she's a senior in high school now. She wants to shop. She wants to go.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Look at the little jewelry you don't want to go to the water park, right, you don't want the water park?

Speaker 3: 13:12

My son. It's kind of the same thing. He wants to go fishing, he wants to go to the water, he wants to go hit the shops. So it's as they get older we can see more and more, and it's just that the memories have been there so so many years now that I think that they look at it as almost like a second home. So we can go anywhere in the world and we can have a great time, but there's a peace that we get there and that was something.

Speaker 1: 13:36

Yeah, and that's great. That's great. I appreciate that, and you actually are making me want to give it another experience, though I don't know if I'm able to convince the wife, because she just I'm not going back to God.

Speaker 1: 13:54

But again, I have heard other people say the same thing. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, the guy he works at the bank that I bank in and he said it, my wife and I we're going to go to Galveston. He was so excited and that's why I thought well, I'm missing something there. Now, speaking of, I want to shift gears a little bit here. We've had a guest on earlier and his book was Killing the Code. Killing the Code, and his premise is that he grew up and men, a lot of men, grow up, and there's this man code, and this man code is that if I am the head of the household, if I am the Brit winner, if I'm keeping a roof over my family's head and clothes on their back and food on the table, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, then that gives me carte blanche to do anything I want outside of that without repercussions, and no one should care, because I'm taking care of the most important things, which all tends to be. If you, if you look at this in the financial realm, you know and I find it interesting that about this financial piece, because you and I talked about this before when a gentleman, a friend of ours, had lost his job and he had been the Brit winner and then also he had been the contributor.

Speaker 1: 15:26

And I get really frustrated with the term Brit winner in this day and age myself, just because of how employment and jobs and careers and education has evolved. You know, you can have many women to the day that make more money than their husbands. It's just, it's not uncommon, Mm-hmm. But that said, are they partners and is he contributing and is she contributing, both financially, emotionally, physically, etc. Etc. And that, in my mind, is what makes up a good relationship, a healthy relationship.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Both husband and wife have to contribute on all levels. Now, not necessarily contributing equally on all levels, but yet contribute what you can on all levels. And I think too often we put a lot of weight on the financial piece, and I'm not saying weight shouldn't be put on that piece, but we put a whole lot of weight on that piece. And so now the guy is not working, but he has been, he's at home, he's picking up the kids, he's making sure the house is clean, he's repairing what's broken and he's looking for work. He has resumes out there, but yet when the wife comes home he is not given the respect he deserves because right now he's not working.

Speaker 3: 16:57

So there's no security. Right, there's supposed to be security and that's man. That's common, unfortunately, because, again, I said all the time, we're told. A lot of times women are told how a man's supposed to treat them. Right, they're supposed to provide for you, they're supposed to protect you, All of that right. But what are we? We're told how to treat them as well, but we're not told, taught, how to be treated. And we're also not taught how to lead a woman. We know how to treat a woman, but we don't know how to lead her Leader. That's just what I said.

Speaker 1: 17:31

So when it comes, unless you're dancing. I took a dancing lesson last night and they kept talking about men leading and showing me how to hold my hands and if I do this and whatever I would do, the gestures she would follow. And I remember saying that only works in dance, yeah.

Speaker 3: 17:46

Well, I mean it's unfortunate because we're supposed to lead our wives and our wives are supposed to lead us too, right. That's where that balance I mean. It's not about equality, it's about balance, right. And like I've said before, if I put you first and you put me first, we both first, right. But if I put me first and you put you first, you know we really first, we're fighting for pole position.

Speaker 3: 18:11

Right. And then that's the thing is. You know, let me put you first, you put me first. So, when it comes to finance, that's a slippery slope, because you are now threatening the home, the stability, the comfort that we've created, right? So one thing I look at, though, is my wife. You know, I can be.

Speaker 3: 18:39

I'm more fussy, like, hey, you know the kids, you know this ain't done and I'm done, get this cleaned up. I'm over it. My wife is more tolerant until she's had enough, and so we have a good balance, because, you know, I'll make sure the kids get their stuff done, but it's boom, quick over. Mom is more lenient. Unless it's been a bad day, she's frustrated, something's going on, so it's a matter of okay. At that time, I'm trying to step in and help. I hate to say shield the kids, but step in, because mom's, you know, tripping a little bit, but the same thing goes, and whenever I'm tripping, she steps in. We trip at different times.

Speaker 3: 19:26

There's, there's, there's a component there. I wash the cars, get gas, you know, make sure they get serviced. All of that stuff, spray for bugs If I need to kill a bug, if I got to change out light bulbs, you know. You see my house. I got some. It's not changing the light bulb, but the stairs. You know you can't use a ladder. So there's a lot of things that I do for the household that she doesn't see. But there's a lot of stuff she does for the household that I see. But I don't acknowledge because and it's not because I'm like I'm not going to acknowledge it, it's just because it's common, right? Right, she's used to a clean car. So now if the car's not clean, she can be like hey, what's going on? Right, because she's used to it.

Speaker 1: 20:07

But this, this finance thing, and it's huge because it dictates how your wife treats you. You know, I have seen and it's funny thing too, because I've seen in the know of successful men I mean millionaire men, multi-millionaire men and their wives are not happy. And their wives can shop anywhere they want to shop, but they're not happy. And when you peel back the onion skin they are not happy because though they have now the finance, they still don't have the romance, they still don't have the intimate time and I'm not just talking about sexually, I mean hanging out with them time because this husband will play golf all day, saturday, you know, and you know my wife be looking, let's go shopping girl, let him go play golf. The more time he, he, he's golfing, the more time I have to shop.

Speaker 1: 21:17

But this person who now is used to that lifestyle once you, so you can only have so much and at some point you crave human touch, human interaction, you want to be loved, you want to be acknowledged and money in itself, like what my friend Ziggler used to say, money can buy you a mattress, but it can't buy you a good night's sleep, you know. And so somewhere and somehow in our relationships we have to be able to balance this money thing. This finance thing, absolutely, is needed. I'm not saying it's not, but what I am saying that it's not to do all be all and end all to a relationship. Mortgage must be paid, rent must be paid, food must be put on the table, but I've seen people have all of that and they're still unhappy because they don't have that balance.

Speaker 3: 22:13

Right, and that's the word. Balance. Right, that's that's truly the magic word. I think it's balance because when you talk about workload, you know we. That's why I've told them my wife. I said I'm an early riser. Most of the stuff I do for the house I'm doing between the 5.30 am and 7. 8 am.

Speaker 1: 22:30

Yeah, and then you wake up, let's grab something. What do you want to do? Breakfast, lunch and the breakfast? Yeah, you always want to do. I'm gonna have to ask him because I yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:41

I'm a morning person. You're a morning guy, I love I. Just I naturally wake up around four. Good, that's great. Usually I 50-50 if I go back to sleep or not. You wake up around four.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Just naturally, I can't help it. I. I'm gonna let you get right back to your point. But one of the reasons I want to get out of Air Force because I had to wake up before every morning.

Speaker 3: 22:59

Hey, don't blame me.

Speaker 3: 23:02

It's not my choosing, it seems like that's when the law awake me up, okay, but sometimes I go back to sleep till you know 5, 5.30, you know. But uh, so you were talking about balance, but that balance is that's the thing is because not everything that we do is seen, right? So dad goes to work and I work hard, so I deserve to play this golf or whatever, right? Well, we're not seeing what's mom doing, whether she works too or she's at home. There's still work being done that is unseen, and she should have the balance to have. Like your wife, they go shopping and all that.

Speaker 3: 23:35

So, when it comes down to that balance, what happens when finances are threatened or challenged and security is, you know, now you can only survive versus thrive. You know, is dad still playing golf? Is dad still trying to do what he wants to do and wife can't? Right, is this a a true matter of a matter of security threat? Because one thing I've come across as women are quick to use the finance or the security aspect against us. Right? Well, I should have security, I should have this, I should have the, the, the about me, right, and men have the same desire. It's a little different what women crave and security, a lot of times we crave in attention and touch sex too, of course. But you know, touch in general, and when the finances are threatened, often times the physical touch to the man is threatened too, and maybe not verbally. I like the way you put that.

Speaker 3: 24:42

Maybe not verbally.

Speaker 1: 24:43

The finances are threatened. You have to sleep on the couch. You sleep on the couch.

Speaker 3: 24:47

You ain't getting your back rubbed. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 24:51

No, we can't take a shower together.

Speaker 3: 24:53

Yeah, no, no, no, no. You know now the young generation. You know there's that song, you know that Cardi B says something you know about if you broke. But so there's a lot of minds that I won't fit it. Filled in for those that get it, they'll get it. But the point is is that if we're not bringing forth the financial security, then we don't get credit for a lot of the others. But there's also the flip side to that. What we're talking about with the code is if I am providing, let's say, even above than average financial security, does that mean that I should not be at my kids games? Does that mean that I should not be taking care of them? Does that mean I shouldn't wash a dish? Does that mean that I shouldn't hang up some clothes if they need to be hung up? I don't think so, you know. I think that it's a matter of just because I make good money doesn't mean that now you serve me.

Speaker 1: 25:46

I agree. I agree You've got to have balance around everything. That entails making that relationship work and making that relationship healthy. One of the things that our author said, truman, was that he grew up in a dysfunctional home but yet his parents got along great. You remember not questioning him on that and they were divorced. I thought it was a beautiful thing that they could get along, because a lot of what we talk about in the father factor on the father factor podcast is parents of children who don't get along, who don't have the balance, who don't have the respect for each other. We talked about the angry mama drama. If you don't pay your child support, you can't see your kids. Yet the kid is waiting for the dad to pick them up.

Speaker 1: 26:40

So that's why I believe in today's world this is Byron talking in the day's world we have to look at relationships as a partnership, not so much as the man above the woman or the woman above the man and, yes, I still think the man is supposed to be the leader and head of the household and do all the things around that but when you look at it as a team the one of the things I look at and you look at the teams. You look at the Lakers, you look at the Bulls, you look at the Celtics any of the championship teams, you look at the Boston Patriots any of the championship in the dynasties what you find is that they have a unity. They have a team unity. Everyone has a role. They all are not talented or gifted the same way, but they all have a role. I remember the Chicago Bulls a lot. I grew up there and Jordan is Jordan heir. That's the man. But think about this Jordan got two, three shots, sometimes four shots sometimes because Rotman got two, three, four more rebounds than they were getting before Rotman. So Rotman played his role. You look at Pippin Pippin, defense. Pippin paid his role. Paxton Pippin, paxton point guard In fact so much trusted that in one of the last games game seven Jordan has the ball. He passed the ball to Paxton because he believed in his teammate and his teammate hit that.

Speaker 1: 28:21

Men and women, wives, husbands we got to begin to look at what we are as teammates and we're not going to be equally talented, we're not going to be equally skilled, we're not going to have equal or the same experiences, but we can take those diverse talents and skills and experiences and put them together to form this team team. Husband, team, wife and now kids have a role to play and then, all of a sudden, we, we become this one operating unit. It reminds me of team building. You know, you form a team, you call it, you call it forming, storming, norming and performing. So you get married, you form that relationship and then there's the storm. What is the storm? The storm is you and I figuring each other out, my little idio secrecies and your little idio secrecies. You want to watch something I don't want to watch. I want to watch something you don't want to watch Now. You like music, I don't like Now. When we were dating, I lied.

Speaker 3: 29:31

Oh yeah, I love that I lied.

Speaker 1: 29:35

You know we talked about transparency earlier and here it is. I said I like that genre. You know what I really don't. I said I like that particular sitcom or series that you know I don't want to watch that right now. So now here we are, we are in the home and we have TV here and a TV there and we're watching different things, you know.

Speaker 1: 29:58

So you storm, we have conflict. Do you pick up after yourself? Do you wash the dishes? Do we have a dish? I mean all of those things. How do we, how do we discipline the kids when the storm stage of their relationship, you go to church. You don't want to go to church. What type of church Are you? Catholic or your baffling? You know you move on. What are you? What do you believe? That's the storm stage. But if you can get through the storm stage of a relationship, then you go to that normal stage. And that normal stage is in a relationship where someone can say you know, josh, I saw Aaron, or Aaron said this or Aaron said that, and you sit back and go.

Speaker 1: 30:41

No, that doesn't sound like Aaron, that's not normative behavior for Aaron or for even one of the kids. You know. And once you get to that normal stage where you both are equals, you both are contributing, you both are learning to apologize, you both are not going below the belt in an argument. You're not bringing stuff back for 30 years. That happened you know even before you got married. You know when you're not doing those things, when you are respecting each other. You know when you respect in each other. Then guess what happens? That trickles down to the kids and the kids see mom and dad argue. But the kids also see dad apologize to mom and mom apologized to dad and mom and I'm sorry. And the kids see that love that trickles down. Kids see how mom is embraced by dad and it's a loving embrace. Dad and mom have good conversations and they re they exhort each other, they compliment each other and that trickles down to the kids. And now what happens is that daughter says you know, I want a man who's gonna treat me like my dad treats my mother. That son says you know what I want? A wife that's gonna take care of me like my mom takes care of my dad.

Speaker 1: 32:12

When we looked at this as a teamwork, well, how about the finances burry? My wife and I have a joint bank account, but then she has a bank account and I have a bank account and we have an agreement around those accounts. Ie, she can do whatever she wants within that bank account. I can do whatever I need to in mine. But let's just say a relative comes and says I need to borrow five hundred dollars, and though I may have that five hundred dollars in my account, I go to her and say look, this is the situation and the same vice versa. There, when it comes to us loaning money out, we have a rule. We got to have a conversation about that, you know. But if I just want to go spend five hundred dollars on myself, I can. Now some of you say that doesn't make any sense. No, it don't make any sense for you, right, right right.

Speaker 3: 33:12

Well, I mean, that's the. So we say all these things right, we started on vacation and we're talking about balance and bringing it full circle. I believe is a lot of times people say go, you need, you need a vacation because of the balance. You get rest, you get this, you got that. But let's think about what a family vacation looks like, oftentimes Like I love one thing I do. I hate the drive, but I like the car ride because it forces us in a close proximity for multiple hours and force to talk.

Speaker 3: 33:48

So, yeah, we can fly to Houston easily, wait wait do you take the phones, we let them have it, but there's also phone downtime. It just because it really also depends on move, what's going on traffic flow, because you know, I'd be real, I got flaws and I got traffic I just leave, but bad kids, right, and then it's like all right.

Speaker 3: 34:13

But ultimately we communicate. We have to rely on each other. You know, especially husband and wife, if I'm driving, hey, look this up, can you look? Where are we eating? What are we doing? There's constant communication required on vacation because you're in a unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, right. So you're having to rely on communication. If you look at a husband and wife on vacation together Communication, working together Right, it's team building. Family vacation is secret team building, Right. It's also intentional time devoted to rest. It's intentional time devoted to spouse. It's intentional time devoted to children.

Speaker 1: 34:55

I'm gonna put a caveat.

Speaker 3: 34:57

It can be it can be, it can be Right. So I try to take the kids something in the morning. My son will get up once or twice during vacation with me and we'll go do some, have some breakfast, whatever. Great bonding time Two of us, same thing with my daughter, and but there's constant communicate. What are we doing today? What's can we go here? I would like to go do this and we're taking all as a team. We're taking in what everybody wants to do and trying to decide.

Speaker 1: 35:25

And that's the, that's the key right as a team, right Taking everything everyone wants to do and we try to figure out how to get all those needs met Right. It breaks down when you have one person just does not want to do Right, whatever that other thing is. I'll give you an example. I had my grandchildren over last weekend and they spent the night and I always cook them breakfast, pancakes and and at any rate, I was going to do, I was going to do hamburgers. I said breakfast, but even before that, that, the night before the grill, and I said y'all want hamburgers, we're going to do that morning. We're going to do hot dogs, we're going to do hot dogs.

Speaker 1: 36:14

So the two girls says hot dogs, and then my grandson says, well, I want a hamburger. Just because they wanted a hot dog, he want a hamburger. He can upset the apple cart, right, right, right. So I now have to override that and say you know what it's a democracy? They voted on hot dogs. You've got to eat a hot dog. I don't eat hot dog. Now prepare the hot dog anyway. What do you think you did? He ate it?

Speaker 3: 36:42

He ate the hot dog, and that's I mean, and that's that's the thing, is communication teamwork and we're going out. I mean you're you're forced to think about man and woman on vacation that went together. He's not looking around and talking to other women because he's there with her. Maybe he's not, maybe. I mean it's unlikely. We hope that he's we hope. I mean if you flew all the way out there or drove out there with her.

Speaker 1: 37:06

I've seen some people fighting on vacation. Oh, I have too. I've been one of those people before you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 37:12

But but if you really look at overall, you're going out there with the intent to have a good time, oh yes, and so your mind is set Right. The mindset is mind is set to good time, mind is set to good time. The only time that you don't is when that expectation that you set is not met, whether that's he was looking at her, she slept in, whatever the case is.

Speaker 3: 37:35

But if you really look at the intimacy, that can, can be achieved can be achieved when you vacation with the spouse or with your full family unit, it's there's something special that takes place because you are truly dependent on each other. There's one car. If you have a car on vacation, right, there's one. We got to come to an agreement because we only got one car. There's just a lot of we got to eat together, so where are we eating? It forces that comodery that we typically get. We're able to fall into flow with work, but not always at home.

Speaker 1: 38:07

But you know, speaking of getting vacations and teamwork, when Flo and I had kids and we would go on vacation, even sometimes without the kids, she would always want to do something I just absolutely didn't want to do. Oh yeah, that's normal, you know, and I'd go there with reluctantly and I'd be upset about it and I'd be pouting and I just would not have a good time. Then, in turn, she wouldn't have a good time because I, you know, acting the way I was a vice versa, and one thing that we came up with. We concluded I tell you what, when we're going on vacation, let's list all the things that we want to do. Okay, and she listed all the things she wanted to do, and I listed all the things that I wanted to do, and then we said, okay, we can do this together, we can do these things together.

Speaker 1: 39:01

And now we set that aside. Now we got these other things, and then we said, okay, of these things, which ones do you absolutely don't want to do? And that's why I really don't want to do that. And she'll say, well, I really don't want to do that. So we said those Okay. So now we are left with a couple activities and what you're saying is, then what we're saying is that these activities here, we ain't that fund of them, but we can tolerate them. We won't have attitudes and we can do them together and compromise Ooh, what about that word?

Speaker 3: 39:35

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 39:36

Compromise takes a lot of that in these relationships, and so we've learned to do that, we learned to compromise, and there was no, no fussing or fighting. I already knew she was going to go do whatever and I wasn't going with her, and vice versa. And then those things that we agreed not to do, we didn't do them. Those things were agreed to do together.

Speaker 3: 39:56

It's like what Brandon said as we wrap up offline, we're talking. Does it add value? So I guess a takeaway is for those that are going on vacations or maybe you haven't had the greatest vacation, and these are some of the reasons as to why let's take these away. You know, is it set up with the right expectation and anticipation? Are you looking at it as an opportunity to to build that comodery between you and your family? In addition to that is if you know that there's contention, things right, there's certain things that I know I don't want to do, she don't want to do Then if we add this to our list, is it going to bring the value to the vacation that we're looking you?

Speaker 1: 40:43

have been listening to the father factor. Why? Because fathers count. Remember that's. All your children are equally yours. Hey, thank you. This is Byron the father factor podcast. Thank you for listening. If you'd like what you heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show until the fathers out there Remember all your children are equally yours.