The Father Factor Podcast
JLove's Journey: From Tangled Family Dynamics to Artful Fatherhood S2 E12
Ever wondered about the intricacies of family dynamics and the roles fathers play in shaping us? Today, we're blessed to be joined by the multitalented JLove, an artist, a father, a husband, and the brilliant mind behind our podcast theme song. He's sharing his captivating life story with us, from navigating complex family structures to his relationship with his biological father and stepfather.
JLove's candid tales of his relationships with his siblings, both full, half and step, reveal a rich tapestry of family life. His contrasting experiences with his biological father and stepfather provide thought-provoking insights into fatherhood. Jay's stepfather, a paragon of support and structure, and his biological father, a more selfish man burdened with instability, both played a significant part in his upbringing.
The conversation takes an emotionally charged turn when Jay narrates his mother's protective instincts and how her intuition deflected him from negative influences. We wrap up with Jay's reflective musings on his stepfather's impact and the critical role of a father in a child's life. Tune in for an intimate discussion full of personal insights, touching stories, and honest dialogues about family, fatherhood, and the bonds that shape who we are.
Keep in touch.
Email: Brm2@fatherfactorpodcast.com
Follow us on Instagram Like us on Facebook
https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Ever wondered about the intricacies of family dynamics and the roles fathers play in shaping us? Today, we're blessed to be joined by the multitalented JLove, an artist, a father, a husband, and the brilliant mind behind our podcast theme song. He's sharing his captivating life story with us, from navigating complex family structures to his relationship with his biological father and stepfather.
JLove's candid tales of his relationships with his siblings, both full, half and step, reveal a rich tapestry of family life. His contrasting experiences with his biological father and stepfather provide thought-provoking insights into fatherhood. Jay's stepfather, a paragon of support and structure, and his biological father, a more selfish man burdened with instability, both played a significant part in his upbringing.
The conversation takes an emotionally charged turn when Jay narrates his mother's protective instincts and how her intuition deflected him from negative influences. We wrap up with Jay's reflective musings on his stepfather's impact and the critical role of a father in a child's life. Tune in for an intimate discussion full of personal insights, touching stories, and honest dialogues about family, fatherhood, and the bonds that shape who we are.
Keep in touch.
Email: Brm2@fatherfactorpodcast.com
Follow us on Instagram Like us on Facebook
https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrod. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives.
Speaker 2:It take more than names to be a man oh yeah. It take more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to be the bad oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more, more.
Speaker 1:Alrighty, hello everyone. Welcome to the Father Factor. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and with me today is my co-host, josh Wombrod. How you doing, Josh? Hey, man, I'm great, you're great. You know, we got a little rain, at least over my way.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, we got a lot of rain our way too.
Speaker 1:I didn't say a lot. I said we got a little rain our way we got a little rain, you got a lot of rain your way it felt like a lot.
Speaker 3:My wife's out of town and the dogs, just they were losing all night last night.
Speaker 2:Oh, what do you mean?
Speaker 3:dogs. You got another dog. Yeah, my wife, you know she felt like the other one needed a friend because he was depressed and had one of his own species.
Speaker 1:So I guess that so she just laid another dog and she popped up with a dog.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the kids I mean they really caught me on vacation. I guess they told me about it, but I was in vacation mode, so you brought a dog. No, no they. I guess they found a deer in vacation and all of that stuff and kind of laid it out for me.
Speaker 1:Okay, wait a minute. You were on vacation and your kids found the dog. Yeah, the kids and the wife like they stole somebody's dog.
Speaker 3:No, they found it online to rescue? No, we didn't just you know, snatch the dog and dip like hey, new dog who did you know what I say that?
Speaker 1:I say that because my wife stole the dog one time, though she claimed she didn't steal that dog, but I'm convinced she stole that dog. It was a little snauzer and she showed up with the dog, her and my daughter talking about look what we found.
Speaker 1:We found it. We found it and it ended up being well. We had the dog about a year and we took the dog to the vet and the vet recognized the dog and the vet said you know what did you guys get this dog? You know, my wife started sweating, and my wife. So I found it, you know. And he said you know what? It's in good shape. It's in a lot better shape than it was when I saw it before, so I'll allow it. So, whatever you guys are doing, however, you got it, I don't care because you taking good care of the dog is your dog.
Speaker 3:See, that's a true animal of it. I'm not sending it where it belonged or who it owned to Y'all taking better care of it.
Speaker 1:so you know, I'll allow it Exactly, and I was like tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her what this dog is.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:thanks, how you gonna buy a dog, find a dog, and yet I'm the one to have to walk the dog.
Speaker 3:So I'm saying we had the thunderstorm last night, the rain, the dogs are scared, barking and it's like man, you gotta go walk the dog. Deal with the dogs. I don't mind the kids, it's just the dogs that bother me. When she's out of town, okay, why. Who's taking care of the dogs? I'm taking care of the dogs when she gone.
Speaker 1:You have two kids. The kids are easy, okay, but why can't the kids take care of the dogs when I'm asking?
Speaker 3:During school day, I do work from home, and all that.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:It's once they're gone, it's me and them, you and the dogs, right, right, right. Or if it's one of those mornings the kids running, you know, woke up late, like the electricity went out last night. So you know, I actually woke my kids up early because the clock showed the time was later than it was and I'm like what are? Y'all doing and I don't know how. Usually when you lose power it goes back. It went 20 minutes forward.
Speaker 1:People love their dogs Too much. They love their dogs. I tell you that right now, jay, you have a dog, I got a dog.
Speaker 4:I'm ready to fight about it. Okay yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I didn't really introduce my guest.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:This is our guest Jay Love. Hey, how you doing, jay, jay? Is the the the? What about the the? Artist, artist artist, author, artist, artist. I can't talk again today.
Speaker 1:That's the author Turn me up Our theme song. It takes more than age to be a man. It takes more than sex to be a dad. It takes more than good to beat the bad. Yeah, he wrote that song for us. We love it. That's our theme song. And you're now listening to the artist that actually wrote that song for us, jay Love. And he is an artist, he's a father, he's a husband, yeah, and he has very, very rich story. I mean, I, I can't wait to have him share his story with you.
Speaker 3:One thing I'll say real quick is uh, we, we use in the song, but he didn't write it for us. Okay, look, don't, don't don't contradict me.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm the host it's it's part of the early. It's part of the story. It's part of the story.
Speaker 3:actually, it actually I think it's a good segue.
Speaker 1:He just busted me out like that.
Speaker 3:He did? He just busted me out like that Good segue into your story, I think.
Speaker 1:Well, actually, actually, well, I don't want to get to. Well, we're going to get to the story. Yeah, and I was guys going to tell you the truth early on. I just felt like saying it was written for me.
Speaker 3:I'm not sure if you knew I was.
Speaker 1:I was in. No, he said earlier it was for you guys and it was unreleased and I took liberties with that statement.
Speaker 3:Oh, there you go.
Speaker 1:But.
Speaker 3:But he did say no, that's right, that's a true salesman, I felt special.
Speaker 1:He did say he had a dog and he was willing to fight over his dogs. I want to hear who you fighting over the dog.
Speaker 4:Well, you told that story about the dogs and I actually had a dog for like two or three years and one day she got out of the backyard and somebody finds her, takes her to the local vet. Pretty much we go up there and the dog has a chip and it belongs to someone else and they give my dog away to someone else.
Speaker 1:And it had a chip.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but I had the dog.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, they were related, they were related.
Speaker 3:Oh really and they and they reproduced.
Speaker 4:And that's neither here nor there. Yes, but yes, so you both.
Speaker 3:It's a dangerous story.
Speaker 1:It's kind of a cautious story. Did you get the dog back, Jay?
Speaker 4:No, no, I didn't get the dog back and that's why I heard it. And you know what makes me more mad. By the way, I negotiate for a living and I didn't even get a chance to negotiate with the lady. It's crazy.
Speaker 3:I got to negotiate with the lady.
Speaker 4:And my man won.
Speaker 3:He's a great negotiator, but there was a it was to text and there was a language barrier and uh, okay, yeah, it was man. The story we got is these dogs was abandoned on the side of the road. We took it to the vet and they supposed to check for microchips, Right, First take them. Right, and so they didn't Right, they didn't. So two years later, all of a sudden, bing Right.
Speaker 1:But I heard, if I remember correctly, I heard you used your children, josh, like your son start crying and your daughter start crying. Oh then people didn't care.
Speaker 3:As he should, then people didn't even care. I thought that's why you You're trying to sell a deal, but we really did it. What really did? It was my wife had got the dog fixed instantly, okay, and once they realized the dog was fixed, they lost interest. Okay, there must be breeders, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Perhaps, Okay, so your dog Jay. You didn't get it back, but they came from the same litter, or?
Speaker 4:something. We got the dogs together.
Speaker 2:Oh, they were bad.
Speaker 4:So originally we got the dogs. They were together, they were in horrible condition and so my wife and I were trying to keep both of the dogs together, but obviously to kids and we had never had dogs before.
Speaker 3:And all the while, my son's praying dear Jesus, bring us a dog. What?
Speaker 1:kind of dogs are we talking about? Shit-sues? Oh Lord, oh, come on.
Speaker 4:They're like a mix. That's not a dog. That's not a dog.
Speaker 1:That's not a dog, that's a little bitty. That's not a dog, it's a train squirrel Close. I thought you guys had real dogs. I'm a man's man. I got real dogs sample.
Speaker 4:Some governments pits lynxers.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something. They're dropping something off too. I don't want to clean up, right after them.
Speaker 3:That's why I don't have one today. Actually I had a rock, but I prefer the bigger dogs. But you know… and now you've got two little dogs. Yeah, my wife, she like what she like.
Speaker 1:You know what, though? We do, what we have to do as husbands, right?
Speaker 3:Indeed I know this, that she can be rather upset and let dog do something cute and it takes some of that edge off. So sometimes I can sick my dog in there as an emotional support.
Speaker 2:That's about all he can do.
Speaker 3:He can't defend nothing but you know go in there and make it feel good. There you go, and then hey, she's upset.
Speaker 1:You just need to take the dog. Push the dog in there.
Speaker 2:Push the dog in there, push the dog in there.
Speaker 4:It's a good play brother.
Speaker 1:That reminds me of a story I talk about in my book, which I'm not gonna talk about now, but with my uncle and that little bitty dog, and he talked about how that little dog made his wife happy. He didn't like small dogs, but it made his wife happy. It's a story I talk about in my book. Okay, we've talked a lot about dogs for some reason.
Speaker 4:Well, dog lovers out there, maybe we'll get some new followers Turn this up Some new ratings, five star reviews for the dog lovers For the dog lovers, that's one way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we have two dog lovers sitting here and that's not that I'm not a dog lover, by the way, because I've had 12 dogs throughout my life, from childhood to adult, and I was challenged on that. Well, maybe I think it was one of the holidays here I was challenged on that and I said I don't want another dog. I've had 12 dogs and I think it must have been my granddaughter and she said 12. I said, yeah, what was their names? And I sit and went through all of them names, boom, one after the other. They were like, wow, I remember them all, every last one of them. Yeah, and to your point, jay, because I always had big dogs, except that little snauzer, which we gave that dog away. That's another story I wish I could tell.
Speaker 3:Statched a dog and then released it.
Speaker 1:No, you know what? No, seriously, my, we lived in Lickin Park in Chicago and Natalie was a neighbor of ours and her husband worked for ABC and he got transferred to Atlanta and she said, oh, I really love that dog. She loved that little snauzer. She said I wish I could take it with me and I said here Wife come home.
Speaker 2:I ain't seen her.
Speaker 1:So every other dog was a large dog. So to your point, you're right, they do leave larger gifts.
Speaker 3:Yes, gifts.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, and so I had gotten to a point where I had picked up enough gifts over time. Oh yes, so that's why I don't have a dog for them, and if you in the hood with a big dog and your cable boxes in your yard free cable.
Speaker 3:That's the same Joker. I love Joker.
Speaker 1:You know recipes. You always have these hood stories and analysis. I mean what?
Speaker 3:Oh, man Joker's patrolled the backyard for the cable man. You see all the cable man pull up. We let him out back and we kept cable for a good year and a half. He caught a slip in one day.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait, wait wait, wait, you used the dog. Yeah to keep from the cable To Jack cable.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got cable. You know, we kept the dog in backyard, didn't pay the bill. The bad cable man couldn't turn it off and you're not going to get in that backyard with Joker.
Speaker 4:You can't do that today. No, no, no, technology's caught on.
Speaker 3:You just need to click a button now.
Speaker 1:You know what? You never cease to amaze me, josh.
Speaker 3:Oh man God has blessed me with a lot of great stories. They didn't feel great then, but they they reflection is it's a lot of you, exactly, exactly. He's a humorous guy.
Speaker 1:So we're going to talk to Jay Love and Jay, we want to start with you as a, as a kid. Tell us a little bit about you. What did you grow up, you know? Give us some a synopsis of your early childhood.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was born and raised in Fort Worth, Fort Worth Boy. My mother raised me until I was about, I don't know, three years old.
Speaker 1:You have any siblings?
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 4:Kind of scattered, though you know.
Speaker 1:Because I got a Papa was a woman, stone.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1:You might even know that song. You might know Well, you're a musician. You know that one because you're an artist. But I'm talking about youth wise.
Speaker 4:No, the thing is I have a lot of like half siblings or like step sisters, or so it's a lot of scattered, but I think it's like six or seven total.
Speaker 1:OK, yeah, that's less than Josh. Josh got a.
Speaker 4:Yeah, josh, josh got two.
Speaker 1:I know right, you got a football team, yeah, ok, so you grew up with your mom, two years, about three.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. And then you know, she married my stepfather, who ended up raising me for, you know, the remainder of my life, still in my life to this day. Ok, they're still married.
Speaker 1:So when he came into your life, how did you feel initially?
Speaker 4:I didn't feel any way.
Speaker 1:I guess you were three. I didn't know. I was three, I was young.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was young so I didn't know any other way. You know I'm just my mom, you know she happy, you know I'm happy. I didn't really know any different.
Speaker 1:Right, I just started coming around and he wasn't abusive.
Speaker 4:No, good, no, but he was about business. Ok, yeah, yeah, he was about business. So you know, my father was just very, very stern.
Speaker 1:Sturned OK.
Speaker 4:Also it was weird because he was super strict, but he was also very like he. Let me be free too.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 4:You know, Right. So when he was hard, he was hard, but he'd also let me like go out and make mistakes.
Speaker 1:Right, you know. Ok, so did he. When you say siblings were other siblings in the household with you and him.
Speaker 4:Off and on. Yeah, so I had two step sisters. I got a half sister, two half sisters and a half brother.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 4:I know.
Speaker 1:I'm just trying to. I'm going to let you wrap that up.
Speaker 4:Two step sisters that.
Speaker 1:Those are his kids, or his girls, right?
Speaker 4:And then him and my mom had a girl. Ok. And then my biological father has two kids, my brother and another sister.
Speaker 1:So you grew up with your sister that your mom birthed, yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, she's also like nine years younger than me, so OK. There's a huge gap there, but she's growing up now she's getting older now. So it's cool, Now we can relate a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Did you see a difference in how she was treated versus how you were treated?
Speaker 4:Now, yeah, you know, because she's still in the house and I think to myself all the time like, hold on, does she get away with murder around? Here, man, she can do what she wants, Say what she wants. I could never you know, yeah, but I don't think that that's anything other than you know, your last kid. Your parenting style changes, things change, so you grew up with your dad.
Speaker 1:Your dad was a business about, business man about business.
Speaker 4:My father, he I've always known him to be doing multiple things. You know, Whether he was flipping cars, which he does, he got rental properties, several rental properties. At certain times he had second jobs, you know.
Speaker 1:On his grind.
Speaker 4:Yeah, on top of, like he already doing, you know, 50, 60, you know however many hours on his main job. Dude's just a hustler. Like no other way around it. Like you never catch him, like you never catch him slipping, you know he this is the guy that Every blade of grass is like perfectly manicured.
Speaker 1:He's a man's man, okay so contrast him to your biological father.
Speaker 4:Well, we're talking about hot and cold. You know, in so many ways my biological father is Let me start by saying this he is, he is, he's a good dude, he's a good guy, you know.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 4:But the thing is he's wrestling with generational issues, you know, and so Generational, as in.
Speaker 1:He didn't have the structure, the family structure that you had.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. So things were different. Like you know, he was forced to be a little bit more selfish in life and it wasn't. He didn't come up in quite as loving of an environment that I had, you know. His life was completely different, you know, in every way. Whereas I had a father you know figure at least in my life, a surrogate as you would call it he didn't have that, you know, and he didn't have even a stability, just period, emotional stability, like financial stability. He, just so, he wasn't the best dad and he wasn't around very much, but I love him and I appreciate him Because obviously I have life today, you know, I'm breathing and I don't blame him because, again, if any of us were in and had gone through what he had gone through, it's likely we would have ended up the same way, you know he would he's, you know, maybe the same choices he's taken Right, maybe adopted some of the same behaviors.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, oh yeah, but now talked about the compare and contrast. You do have blessed to have a man in your life that's a surrogate and he's a businessman. He treated you well for the most part, even though he was strict. Yet at some point you realize he wasn't your biological father. So was there this innate need or this yearning within you to connect with your biological father?
Speaker 4:I always knew he wasn't, you know, because my dad was around, right. You know, prior to my stepfather coming into my life, my dad was around. He wasn't completely just like gone. You know, there just would be times where it'd go, where I wouldn't speak with him. You know, maybe a year go by or whatever, and like I didn't talk to him or do anything.
Speaker 1:Why not? I mean, he just disappeared. You just, you ever ain't you have fights. I mean, what would cause a year separation?
Speaker 4:Let me go back to your first question.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yes, I had a great. What is that word? We just said Surrogate.
Speaker 1:I had a great surrogate, okay.
Speaker 4:I couldn't ask for anything better, you know, in a father, in a role model, you know. The issue is, though, I still longed for my father, my biological father because it created. I had like these issues of like who am I and and what do I come from? So you go on to the side effects.
Speaker 1:Right, you had that. You had that the void. There was a void there, the void yeah, yeah, the void.
Speaker 4:It's probably the biggest thing you know An identity crisis. Yeah, there's nothing, there's nothing. And I've told you know my stepdad, I've told him there's nothing more you could have done you know like, as a father, there's no more love you could have shown me.
Speaker 4:You know like maybe you could have showed up to a couple of practices or whatever. But do I think that's a game changer, ultimately, to feel this void? No, there's nothing you could have done. You know, there's nothing as great of a man as you've been, as everything you've done for me it's it's it's never was enough to feel the gap of. I want my dad around, or at least to know what he's on. You know, know what he's about, get to know him more, you know. So there was nothing he could have done. He was a great father.
Speaker 1:You know, there's a story about your stepdad which I find just fascinating, that he worked real hard to help you connect with your and interact with your biological father, so much so that he, like, got a car and filled up to get and tell me about that. Tell us about that.
Speaker 4:Um, yeah, we got to have him on you guys. You guys got to have him on. He'll tell the story better than me.
Speaker 3:I'll say this because I told you that story, because he shared that story. I don't know if he knew that story before or not. Okay, before he shared that at the table. Okay, tell a story. No, I did, I did.
Speaker 4:Okay, yeah, it's, it's. You know it's just a phone call. I guess it's kind of guy he is. You know he's like hey, you know I got options, like things you can do with him. You know, if you want to come pick him up and you know we got go-karts or whatever like go, four-wheelers, four-wheelers, whatever, like you can do that Take my truck. Yeah, so so you know it's. I'm just telling you like this is the character of this man, you know, like it's, it's just high-carat, high-caliber, like character.
Speaker 3:So what he told me. I'll just say this what his, what his pops told me was. He would make the call and say yo, your boy needs you. Why don't you come pick up the truck, the four-wheelers or whatever and come see him? And what he told me is he often didn't even tell Jordan or Jay Love that he did that because he didn't want him to be disappointed.
Speaker 4:I didn't hear that until I was grown, you know. So the thing is, when I tell you I had a good, like a good role model, he didn't bring ever any smoke, anything like negative about my biological father. He never said nothing, like he never wanted me to. You know, come to any negative conclusions on behalf of something he said. You know, if I'm gonna come to a conclusion, he wanted me to come to my own conclusion about whatever was going on and what I was experiencing in my life. Same thing with my mother Never, they never spoke poor about my father, never, ever. If anything they encouraged me to like talk to him and to like to be around, like call him out If you talk to him were things that they often asked me.
Speaker 1:See, that is my experience. That is the exception, not the rule. Oftentimes the father the second husband is jealous of the first husband doesn't necessarily treat the kids the best, especially if they have a kid with that same woman. They tend to make a difference or show differences. And yet here's this man. What's your service?
Speaker 1:I mean your- His name's Carlos Carlos so here Carlos is calling your dad, is suggesting activities that he can do with you, saying to your biological father you need to come see him and visit him. And again, I just love the fact that you tell the story that he actually got the car feel the car with gas.
Speaker 4:Bro, you gotta understand something, though man Like about my biological dad this guy is like, this guy is so smooth, so cool, so like yeah right now. Me times 10,. You know, just like mellow cool, chill like just-.
Speaker 1:Okay, but what does that have to do with him, with your surrogate father offering him the opportunity to interact with you and he not taking it?
Speaker 4:I think it has everything to do with the way that he treats life, you know, and the way that you know he went about handling life. We're blessed with what people would call the gift of God. My father and I, my biological father we're blessed with this gift of God, you know, and we can talk to anybody. I can pick up a conversation, we can talk to anybody, we can do anything and we can thrive in any environment, and that's the beauty of what we do. But it's also the curse, because you can find yourself in poor environments, thriving in a poor environment, and that's pulling you in. And so I bring that up because we got a guy that's doing good in a bad situation And-.
Speaker 1:This guy mean your dad. Your biological dad is doing good in a bad situation okay, yeah, so it's easy.
Speaker 4:I don't know if it was easy for him, but I can imagine those conversations like he can dance around or whatever and he's just smooth. You know, I can imagine he can dance around a conversation.
Speaker 1:How do you wrap your head around the fact that he did not take the opportunity to bond with you Because you said you felt avoidant, in an identity-ish crisis as it relates to not really getting to know him, and which means you really didn't get to know his side of the family? You may know them now, I don't know, but then you didn't. So I mean, are you just suppressing emotions now or did you have them then?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I did, yeah, I did. You know, I really, like I said, I've always wanted a relationship there. You know, even now you bring up the family like I have this name, this wonderful last name.
Speaker 1:Love.
Speaker 4:Love.
Speaker 1:I used to like that name until recently, but I don't like it too much right now.
Speaker 4:Yeah yeah, yeah, you agree with that I hurt feelings.
Speaker 3:I hurt feelings, I hurt feelings.
Speaker 4:You tease you and the bears you got some damage around here, but any who?
Speaker 3:I don't really know them, you know.
Speaker 4:All that well, a lot of them. I don't really know them all that well, and so things like that bother me, you know.
Speaker 1:So why not get to know them today? What's stopping it? What's the feeling on both sides?
Speaker 4:It's the same reason. It's the same thing we talked about. You know, in the last episode we talked about fathers. You know, wanting to thrive and wanting to be successful, so bad that you often forget about family and you forget about bro. If I can forget that, oh, shoot my daughter. Whatever I need to go, stop and see my daughter, talk to my daughter, whatever, because I'm on the grind, I definitely can't forget about some people that I and God. I don't want that to sound bad, but you know, like I didn't really have the opportunity to be around, versus like I may have cousins, that I was saturated around a lot as a kid, but not at a choice necessarily, but it's just my family, that's who you're around, and so you do create more of a relationship, more of a bond, and have more of a tendency towards them perhaps, but I don't know, man.
Speaker 1:So are you saying because you stated earlier that you were guilty in the sense of being on that grind so much that sometimes you probably wasn't the father you could be or needed to be a husband you could be or needed to be because you were on that grind? And so if you were on that grind and somewhat neglecting and again I don't want that to come out wrong either but not spending the time with your biological kids and your wife, then how, byron, you're saying, how possibly do you think I'm gonna be looking for family on my father's side, which I'm not even close?
Speaker 4:to. That's exactly what I'm saying. If I'm losing track right here with my immediate family, almost definitely everybody outside of the circle is like a blur and that's a blessing and a curse to me in my life, because I can zone in on whatever I'm doing without thinking it, without looking left and looking right, but it's also a curse, because I don't gotta look left and I don't gotta look right and I can do that forever.
Speaker 1:Okay, what's the relationship with your mom?
Speaker 4:I love my mom. We got a great relationship. Nothing but great things. She's been solid all the way through, thorough, very good, very good. My number one supporter.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, give me a mom story. One thing stands out. You remember about mom?
Speaker 4:Why is it the bad stories always come to mind first?
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 4:I don't know, I don't know why the bad stories? I think of one.
Speaker 1:I know, cause you just said great things about your mom. I know.
Speaker 4:And then, first thing, I think about it when she smacked me.
Speaker 1:I don't know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Hey, but no, no, no no here's something for real.
Speaker 4:For real, my mom and we just talked the other day. My mom always had a knack for knowing like, who was really in my corner. She would call out snakes before I knew they were snakes.
Speaker 1:My mom. Yeah, they can see that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, oh yeah, she would say oh yeah, that boy right there, he ain't for you. Right, that's what she would say he ain't for you, that's a hater. And I tell her no, mom, that's my dog. Like you know, we cool whatever.
Speaker 1:He may be a dog, but he's not your dog. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:And, sure enough, everybody she said that about, I mean it was true, it turned out to be true you know, mom has a third eye, right, moms they do.
Speaker 1:They just have this instinct and motherly intuition, you know, but I remember we're gonna talk about dad stories, but you just made me think of a mom story. When I was, I don't know, I had to be. I had to be about 10 years old and we lived on the west side of Chicago and we lived in a gray stone. You know two flat gray stone.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And next to us was another one, and this lady had about four kids, two boys and two girls, and they used to always pick on me and, for whatever reason, this particular day they were picking on me and you know I ain't never begged. Now, from nothing, you know, and I got into a fight with the oldest kid the oldest kid and now about the same age, you know and then his siblings were Were you still short then?
Speaker 1:Yes, I was still short then, and but you know what? I was short, but I was a fighter, yeah, but I learned how to wrestle. My saving grace was I learned how to wrestle you know, and I mean I choked a guy out in the Air Force. That's another whole story, but that's it. I'm not a bad person and I'm not a bad guy.
Speaker 2:I can't see you choking somebody out by the way.
Speaker 3:Sometimes my story requires choking somebody out. That's why I see it.
Speaker 1:Well, I did choke somebody out and thank God there was airmen and he was from Florida. I'm trying to think his name right now because I know his mom owned a couple of McDonald's Baker airmen Baker. If it weren't for airmen Baker, I might.
Speaker 4:That's the man you choked out. No, no, no, no. Oh, I'd say, hey, put me in a front street.
Speaker 1:Airmen. Baker was a brother. You know, I was a brother and I still am, and when I was I had him in this chokehold. Okay, you're gonna make me go to the story. I'm on the bottom bunk and this other kid he ain't a kid, we're young men he was on a top bunk For whatever reason. We had gotten into it about something and we just played backgammon.
Speaker 1:I just played backgammon for money back in the day and he got pissed with me. And so I'm sitting on the bunk and he reaches over and he's like hitting at me and I'm gonna say, hey, man, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Stop. And then he hit me. He slapped me and he slapped me I'm moving. He slapped me again, but the second time I actually grabbed his arm and I pulled him off the bunk bed and he landed on the floor. And when he landed on the floor, I just jumped on him and grabbed that neck and put my feet against the bed and the wall and I had him Go to sleep, you know, and he started forming at the mouth. He got veins, got bit, you know, and everything. And the baker was saying Rick, let him go man, let him go man, let him go, rick and I'm just. I'm pushing hard, but Baker was like six, four.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Two, two, 20, whatever. I mean. He was a big dude and he came and grabbed me and he picked me up and the dude I was choking, he was just that big. And then he grabbed my arms and literally broke my arms free and the guy just dropped to the floor and said, oh, let go. So we went from a mom story to that. But I'm glad that that happened because I had no control. When he slapped me I lost it.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I could have killed that dude. But another thing that happened there was nobody reported that Everybody in the barracks, this stays in here, all right, you hit him, you got yours, let it go. He's got more damage If you report this, then all of us are gonna suffer, and then all of us are gonna have to come down on you, and he never said anything about it. He never mess with me again either, and I was cool. But that, how big was the person you choked out? I'm midget.
Speaker 4:I wanna see the other guy no no, no.
Speaker 1:Uh-oh, I'm just, I'm gonna get in trouble. I said midget, hey man just blame it on me.
Speaker 3:I'm happy to take the.
Speaker 1:But the quick story about mom. I was fighting this kid and we were locked up and I literally bit him in the top of the head and he starts screaming. And then his sister jumped on me, his brother jumped on me and then his little sister she bought about six, I mean, you know and she started hitting me and the next thing I knew, my mother showed up and my mother grabbed each kid and literally tossed them each way. Boom got off, get off of him. And my mother had I don't know where she got it from, but back in the day they had these kitchen chairs and they were. They were on like I don't know if it wasn't iron, but it was metal. You know you had to seat in the back, but if you took the seat in the back off you had like a S or an L you know, come this way, this way, that way for the back to seat in the leg.
Speaker 1:She only had the one side. I don't know where she got it from and she said let them to finish it, cause all y'all not gonna jump on him. And but I had bit the boy. The boy was bleeding so he didn't want to fight anymore. He was done. And then the mother ran out and she getting ready to say whatever she was gonna say, and my mother literally took that chair leg and stuck it in her face and said if your kids ever mess with my kid again, I'm kicking your butt.
Speaker 4:She didn't say butt did she.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 4:So you're telling me that?
Speaker 3:your mom. Your mom pulled a chair as a weapon before pulling the chair as a weapon became popular.
Speaker 1:I don't think she pulled it as a weapon. We live in ghetto, I think you know.
Speaker 3:I'm saying that for the Montgomery brawls. You know they're talking about the full chair. Your mom, yeah.
Speaker 2:The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the evolution of the chair. The evolution of the chair, the evolution of the chair.
Speaker 1:Now they have the whole chair. She just had the leg she just had the leg, they're gonna chair. But, but that threat worked because what she told the mother, she said if your kids mess with my kid, I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you and understand. My mother was only five feet tall. Do you tell my?
Speaker 2:name.
Speaker 1:Do you? My mother was a was a scrapper man.
Speaker 4:This is important. I need to get this off. Okay, go ahead, cause I told you I had a very strict dad.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:But he's also very lenient.
Speaker 1:Very loose, that's right.
Speaker 4:My mom would would sell. She used to tell me when she had this, this urge about bad friends. She'd say, yeah, I don't want you hanging around with that boy, no more. And my dad would be like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't choose his friends.
Speaker 2:You know, I can't choose his friends.
Speaker 4:You gotta let him choose his own friends. He gotta come to his own conclusions, right? The best thing about my father was he always allowed me to come to my own conclusions, no matter what it was. He gave me the freedom To decide or figure out how I felt about it.
Speaker 1:He allowed you to critically think yeah, through that process.
Speaker 3:Yeah, something that we lack currently in this nation.
Speaker 1:Okay, you know we have a lot more to unpack with J Love. Can we get you? Can we get you back, j?
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Sure thing okay because I do want to talk about your career, man. I mean, you're a writer, you have some great songs, producer, you and you're Mary. I want to talk about that. You have two children your own, so we got a lot more. We want to unpack, so you have been listening to the father factor. I'm Byron rickshaw hosts. Your co-host is my co-host is Josh Rumbart. Josh, close us down because we need people to do some stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we absolutely need you to get out there. You need to review us right. Go ahead and like us, subscribe to us and Interact with us on Facebook, instagram, work with us, because we're putting some posts out there. We actually had one that we'll talk about in another episode. We've reached Australia. Yeah, we've got a lot of people interacting more and more as we progress, so we want to hear from you. So make sure you hit that subscribe, like and rate and review us. Until next time. I'm Josh.
Speaker 1:You've been listening to the father factor why? Because fathers count, dads, remember all your children are equally yours. Hey, thank you. This is Byron the father factor podcast. Thank you for listening. If you'd like what you heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there Remember all your children are equally yours.
Speaker 2:It take more than names to be a man. It take more than six to be a dad. It take more than good to be the bad. Oh, you take more. It take more, more, more, more more.