The Father Factor Podcast
Navigating the Complexity of Blended Family Fatherhood: A Candid Conversation with JLove
Ever wonder about the intricate dynamics of parenting within a blended family? Join me as my guest, JLove, candidly shares his extraordinary journey of fatherhood. Navigating the significant highs and lows, Love opens up about his experiences as a young father trying to fill the shoes of his surrogate father. His tale, filled with deep emotion and vulnerability, paints a vivid picture of the struggles and triumphs of fatherhood. His song, 'It Takes More,' written during a time of emotional turmoil, beautifully encapsulates his journey.
During our conversation, we take an insightful look at the contrasting experiences of parenting toddlers versus teenagers, delving into the discipline and reflection required. Love shares his unique perspective, drawn from his personal journey, that sheds light on the unexpected life-changing experiences being a father can bring.
As the conversation unfolds, we reflect on the importance of maintaining a relationship between biological and surrogate fathers in a blended family setup. Jay Love shares his apprehensions about being a father figure, offering a raw, first-hand account of the complexities involved. The episode concludes with a heartwarming segment on memorable dad stories. My personal story about a poignant encounter with my father at 13 offers a fresh look at life and death. Don't miss out on this captivating discussion that promises to strike a chord with every parent navigating the beautiful complexity of raising children.
Keep in touch.
Email: Brm2@fatherfactorpodcast.com
Follow us on Instagram Like us on Facebook
https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Ever wonder about the intricate dynamics of parenting within a blended family? Join me as my guest, JLove, candidly shares his extraordinary journey of fatherhood. Navigating the significant highs and lows, Love opens up about his experiences as a young father trying to fill the shoes of his surrogate father. His tale, filled with deep emotion and vulnerability, paints a vivid picture of the struggles and triumphs of fatherhood. His song, 'It Takes More,' written during a time of emotional turmoil, beautifully encapsulates his journey.
During our conversation, we take an insightful look at the contrasting experiences of parenting toddlers versus teenagers, delving into the discipline and reflection required. Love shares his unique perspective, drawn from his personal journey, that sheds light on the unexpected life-changing experiences being a father can bring.
As the conversation unfolds, we reflect on the importance of maintaining a relationship between biological and surrogate fathers in a blended family setup. Jay Love shares his apprehensions about being a father figure, offering a raw, first-hand account of the complexities involved. The episode concludes with a heartwarming segment on memorable dad stories. My personal story about a poignant encounter with my father at 13 offers a fresh look at life and death. Don't miss out on this captivating discussion that promises to strike a chord with every parent navigating the beautiful complexity of raising children.
Keep in touch.
Email: Brm2@fatherfactorpodcast.com
Follow us on Instagram Like us on Facebook
https://www.amazon.com/Searching-Dad-Effects-Fatherless-Overcome/dp/1934812129
Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrod. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers, and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives.
Speaker 2:It take more than names to be a man oh yeah. It take more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It take more than good to be the bad oh yeah, it take more. It take more, more, more, more.
Speaker 1:Alrighty. Hello everyone. This is Byron. I am your host of the Father Factor. Joining me today is my co-host, josh Wombrod, and we also have a guest. Jay Love came back to join us once again so we can unwrap the rest of what's going on in his life Today. He is married, he has two children, and we're going to talk about how the kind of father he is, and also we're going to talk about the song that I claimed in the last episode that he wrote for the show, but he didn't really write it for the show. He wrote it for other reasons, which he's going to get into, but I want to repeat these lyrics. He says that it takes more than age to be a man. It takes more than sex to be a dad. It takes more than good to be the bad. So, jay, tell us about this song and what it means to you and how you came up with it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my daughter is about six months old. I'm in a strange place in life. I'm young I think I'm 22 at the time and, bro, I'm trying to figure out life. You know, I got a wife, I got a daughter, I had a son. I'm trying to figure out how this all works, and a part of the problem was Byron is that I had such a great role model, and so, you know, you're trying to feel big shoes, you know, and you're trying to be everything that he was. The problem is when you try to be all of that all at one time, rather than just embracing this moment right now and doing the best I can do right now, today, you know. And so, anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Speaker 3:I was writing this song literally tears coming out of my eyes. I was in a dark space trying to figure this thing out. I was feeling like a failure as a father and again, the standard had been set so high that it was almost daunting to me, you know, at the time. And so one of the first words in the song I never understood what it took. I didn't understand, you know. So I told you guys in the last episode I was critical of my father in the way that he was always on the go and on the grind and I didn't understand until I became a man and I got my own kids, I got my own family and now I get it like, oh, holy smokes, like that requires a lot for me to go do what I do, get on my grind and give all my energy towards being a productive father and provider and then come home and being a good mood and play with you.
Speaker 3:You know, my kids right now are in. They're in. What are we doing? My daughter's doing piano, my son's doing guitar. Right now that's what we're learning and I'm right hand to God, I struggle going to practice, bro, and I'm, just like I said, hypercritical 20 years ago of my father because, you know, maybe he was working or whatever. And now I'm looking at it like I get it. You know, I get it. But I'm also doing everything in my power now to not just meet the standard but take it to another level.
Speaker 1:Sounds like you wanted to be the type of father that your surrogate father was, yet you were afraid that you were being the father that your biological father was. I could be wrong. That's why this is a conversation.
Speaker 3:You know, I never thought about it like that, I don't think so. I think I was just more afraid to fail, you know, more afraid to not be everything that he was and had been for me, you know, for mine, and that scared me, you know, that's all.
Speaker 1:So what failure for you. Would that have been? The type of father your biological father was or not, or not as good as your surrogate father was?
Speaker 3:I never even considered the idea, or entertained even the idea, of me being like my biological father. It's never been a thought. That's taken a lot of time or space in my mind. It's been more so an insecurity of again can I be as good as this guy?
Speaker 1:Okay, so you're trying to live up to your surrogate dad and exceed. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it's tough because he set the bar very high. He did so many things right. Everybody that knows this guy and everybody that knows me and that you know, like seeing-.
Speaker 1:He helped me want to meet him actually.
Speaker 3:No, you do. You do want to meet him. He's a phenomenal guy. Yeah, he's a very good guy, but everybody that's seen us, you know my upbringing, like you can see, like he's responsible for me being this way that I am today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I listened to DO Hugley.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he talks about his stepdad and he would say when he got famous his biological father came out of the woodworks somewhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he said I love it. I can't repeat it exact, but he said to him. He said well, in his standup he said he said that's not my Tuckman is a biological father. He said that's not my father, that's the penis I wrote in on Now obviously he used a different word.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I just you know, I never Believe it or not that helped me so much in my life because I grew up my father wasn't there at all. I didn't have a surrogate.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, you were blessed. I didn't have I didn't have anything, you know, from a male perspective in that way, and I was bothered by that. But when I heard DL say that he wasn't my father, he's the penis, I wrote in on yeah, and he added that humor to it. But it made sense to me, you know, because by now I'm a teenager and, you know, grew up in ghetto and you know we do what we do and I'm thinking you know what you know that I could be my father.
Speaker 3:Yeah, square business. I mean you think like I just I can't go a day without thinking of my daughter, my son. I'm thinking about them, so it behooves me. It's puzzling to me how you come up with that as a father, as a man, how you come up with that as a father. I struggle not to. I would have a hard time not seeing my daughter. I would have a hard time with that.
Speaker 2:You're not going to do it.
Speaker 3:Matter of fact, you're not going to do it. It's just not happening. You're going to have to lock me up.
Speaker 1:Right, I feel that. I feel that Even tonight she called I can't because tonight we're taping at night and his daughter called and said I can't go to bed without you saying good night, daddy. Daddy has to say good night to me, Wait until she's a teenager.
Speaker 4:She happily purposefully not to say good night to you, she'd be avoiding.
Speaker 1:you like to play?
Speaker 2:Unless you want to, maybe not.
Speaker 1:They go through those phases. What was that movie where 50 Cent is the father and his daughter brings a boyfriend home? You guys see that movie.
Speaker 4:I saw this short. I saw a short clip snippet out of that movie he had all his people around him. Yeah, all his people he's like come step in here with me. He tucked in dudes bandana.
Speaker 1:One day you have to take a look at that, if you haven't seen it. Jay, as a father of a daughter I'm a father of a daughter myself I feel you. I'll say his daughter.
Speaker 4:You're a father of a daughter. Yeah, I got a daughter.
Speaker 1:You got a teenage daughter right now.
Speaker 4:She about to be 18.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have some years.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got a long way to go.
Speaker 1:He's still.
Speaker 4:You want to kiss daddy, but this one right here, mons is a man. It's actually beautiful for me because she's more mature, I guess just things she's been through. So now she's recognizing. So she'll come talk to me hey, this, what's going on with a friend, or just whatever it is. And they might even call friends and say, hey, you need to talk to my dad. This is what he said about this.
Speaker 1:I'm like you know, I'm like I'm just your dad, right? No one leased me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Whoa, but it wasn't like that. But there's a level of credibility that came with that. But there's also those times, like you said, daughter of a teenager. She won't speak, like, she won't even look at you. She'll die on her sword just because.
Speaker 1:I tell you what, and I want to get back to you a little bit, jay, because I want to talk about the relationship between you, your daughter and your son. But we're talking about teenagers. Teenagers, you know, I'm like, I'm like Ellen Iverson, you talking about practice practice. Yeah, we talking about practice teenagers. Man I I told you guys earlier one of the episodes I forget. I don't want another dog ever again. But if God just said, look, you got to have a teenager or a dog, Come here, dude, Come here.
Speaker 3:Whatever your name is, that's how I feel about babies and toddlers.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now what I don't like.
Speaker 4:Oh ouch, I don't care for them, we're going to cut this piece out.
Speaker 1:We can't. Don't get me wrong I love them, but I don't want I don't want to put like this.
Speaker 2:I know A visit is beautiful with a baby and a toddler.
Speaker 4:I like I prefer the teenage, I prefer those years. I mean, I also, you know, I've did the youth thing for a while too, but I feel like there's more reason and logic there with a teenager than there is at that younger age. That's me, though. I would prefer the teenager over the little little ones.
Speaker 3:I agree with that. I, I mean you think you're talking to a teenager. They at least have, you know, a grasp of general knowledge, general information. I can, I can, they can hold a conversation with me and I can break down complex ideas to them, whereas with a toddler, you know why shouldn't I open the oven? Well, the week Self-sufficient.
Speaker 1:Me and toddler any day of the week.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:You got cute. You got cute little cheeks. You can keep them in your little cheeks, Take them and feed them. You go to Disneyland. I mean, you know you're the smartest person in the world because I don't care what they ask you. If I don't know the answer, I make it up.
Speaker 4:But, mind you, hold on. There's a big elephant in the room. We got to point out what's that Right? We haven't had the opportunity to have grandkids yet. Okay, so I'm talking about from a parent perspective. If I had to choose between toddler and teen, where I say, now I choose teen because of that, but as a grandparent, I think I would prefer just thinking in the future, I think I'd prefer to toddler. You can be fun, you're the hero, you're amazing.
Speaker 1:But then you can just say that doesn't make any sense. Get up out of here. A toddler is a toddler, a four-year-old is a four-year-old, it's just kid, or if it's your grandkids, no.
Speaker 4:I mean no. No, I mean as a parent. Are you saying no too as a parent? I've had them both, right. So I'm saying but a four-year-old as a parent, that's on me but what's on you. As a four-year-old, as a grandparent. That's on them. You know what I'm saying. That's on my kids, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:I do spoil and have spoil Right.
Speaker 2:Beautiful part of my grandkids. Yes, well, you were here tonight, when my granddaughter called me yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1:That said, my granddaughter is the same age as your daughter.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you remember, they talk now.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So yes, they do, don't they? She spent the night with me a couple of weeks ago and she was on the phone with your daughter You're trying to figure out that. And she what's your daughter's nickname? I can't remember. She said her name Jalina. No, no, that's not what she called. She has a nickname. You see, you don't even know.
Speaker 4:Which there's so many that could be.
Speaker 1:And I said, well, who is that? And she said that's Josh's daughter.
Speaker 4:I don't remember it was something she called her I'm going to have to find out what her nickname is See, that's what I'm talking about, yeah. I'm okay with a little mystery.
Speaker 1:Teenagers. I tell you what I almost caught a case with my teenagers Because I grew up in a different era. I wasn't able to say the things to my mother that my kids have said to me, and I'm just afraid that next time I won't be so lucky, because I almost caught a case two, three times. I'm telling you like this I wouldn't mind catching a case every once in a while. You talk about that offline. Well, I have an electoral file in Tennessee and it's not about the violence.
Speaker 4:It's more about the time out, the reflection the quiet time.
Speaker 1:Okay, you said I wouldn't mind catching a case.
Speaker 4:Who wants to go to jail? No, I'm not saying like I like this. I forget you missed Jail.
Speaker 3:The man said earlier he missed Jail.
Speaker 1:I forget who I'm talking to.
Speaker 4:I miss certain aspects of it right.
Speaker 1:Nobody misses Jail Josh.
Speaker 4:There's certain things you can miss. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I got something to say on that.
Speaker 3:Go ahead, I was uninterrupted. I think that's real.
Speaker 4:In reading. I was uninterrupted in just self-reflection.
Speaker 1:You can't go to the biggest your house is. You can't go to the corner of a house and read.
Speaker 4:Them children will find me, my wife will call me, the dogs will bark. But once that heavy door locks and it's the worst chilling sound in the world. I hate that sound. But you can't get in, I can't get out. I can sleep peacefully if I got the right cell. You realize this is sick. Yes, absolutely, that children do this to you.
Speaker 3:Hey, but look, I real talk. I was having a conversation with some homies the other day and two of them well, one of them said we were talking about health fitness, you know.
Speaker 1:Right oh.
Speaker 3:One of them said Got diet, I don't think that I could really lift weights unless I got locked up. I don't think I'd get swole or take my health serious, unless as far as working out, I don't think I would do that unless I got locked up. Two of my homeboys said this. I'm thinking of myself, like, and I say to them ultimately like so are you saying that you need another man to discipline you? Are you saying that you need another man to lock you up for you to have discipline, for you to discipline your own mind and your own body? Are you saying it takes another man to light a fire up under you so that you can go?
Speaker 1:have health goals, Jim.
Speaker 4:I mean, I'm just say for me, it's not about I need the next person, it's about the quiet. Even though there's people screaming all night long, it's still. It's like city noise, it's normal. But the kids, yes, we're not.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love my wife. I know this sounds crazy.
Speaker 4:You think you know a person. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but I found myself just like reflecting on the mindset that I had locked up and you know it's backwards. Right, it sounds crazy, it is crazy, but you know just sound crazy.
Speaker 1:Let's make no mistake about this. It doesn't just sound crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 4:There's certain elements of it that made me great.
Speaker 1:Right, I didn't have.
Speaker 4:What's the word, what's the structure? I learned structure. I mean, well, yeah, I learned structure. I like to keep things clean. You know, I like to keep my car clean. I like to keep things clean.
Speaker 1:I learned, I learned a lot of that, clean that ball bed, such a small space.
Speaker 4:You know, I'm saying that little one toilet, yeah just keep things clean, and I'm not saying I need to go back for that. What I have said, like this time I like. I would like you know what I want to mine a weekend bender.
Speaker 3:My uncle said three hats in a cot. Yeah, good, Sometimes I'm like you know what?
Speaker 4:I want to go to jail this weekend just to get away from all y'all, get some peace, and that's crazy. That's crazy, but that's the reality, that sometimes that I put pressure on myself, but I did learn a lot of things. A man locked up writes love letters. So a man locked up wants to be a better father. A man locked up it's not an I'm sad saying I need to be, but J Love said something that's so impactful how many, what is the? The people locked up? Most of them don't have fathers, right Things. 85% or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a high. It's a high percentage. It's a high percentage of men.
Speaker 4:So they do need that man.
Speaker 3:They need the discipline.
Speaker 4:They need to learn the structure, the cell.
Speaker 3:That sounds so bad.
Speaker 4:The self control, all of that.
Speaker 1:That don't just sound bad.
Speaker 4:That sounds bad, J Love that is bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it is bad.
Speaker 4:But it's the reality. Being locked up was the best thing that could have happened for me. Okay, now I'm saying that I want that, like I don't want a real charge right now, I want to mine, you know.
Speaker 1:You're in a fantasy right now, you know.
Speaker 4:It's like going to that again, going to that quiet place. Let me just say it that way. It's a quiet place that you think about.
Speaker 1:Josh, I've been to your house. Okay, you got a large enough home to have a quiet place.
Speaker 4:No, I learned something from you, byron. You said you said this a long time ago. I guess it was you speaking or something. You said something when they said something about the dog house. You said I got a big enough house and I have a guest room. I said oh yes. So yeah, I got a big enough house and I have a guest room if I need Right, exactly, my dog house is a guest room. Yeah, I'm good you got the king size bed in there. I'm ready to go.
Speaker 3:Hey, but I feel you what you're saying on quiet time. There's a time in my life I used to get up at three o'clock in the morning just for quiet time. That's why I wake up early.
Speaker 1:Well, as an artist, you probably need some quiet space so that your creativity can kick in.
Speaker 3:No, sometimes, yeah, yeah sometimes, but more so. It's not even about creativity. During those hours, you know I'm getting up, I'm praying, I'm talking to God. I think that during those hours, three, four in the morning, I have found it easier to ground myself. If you will, I can relate to that, because it's no, your phone's not ringing. What's so convenient is not we can leave what we want.
Speaker 4:We can leave what we want, so you get it.
Speaker 1:Okay, before we go too far down that road, I want to circle back to you, jay, because I know you have a son and a daughter and your son was your wife's by her previous relationship. So let's talk a little bit about how you guys bonded and how that felt and feels.
Speaker 3:You know it was weird. One day I picked him up from daycare. You know, I used to pick him up from daycare and he's like my dad's here. Wow, for real.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, my daughter wasn't even here at this time, right.
Speaker 3:I'm looking around like who are you talking about? I don't have to pick you up.
Speaker 4:Where is he? Is he here?
Speaker 3:For real.
Speaker 1:I'm looking around like what are you talking about? Thank God it wasn't Josh picking up a toddler, damn the car.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. But I'm like, oh shoot, he talking to me, he talking to me. I guess I am here, huh, and I don't know. We just hadn't turned around since. It's not like I never had a conversation with him about none of that. I think that it just naturally happened.
Speaker 1:He saw you as his dad. He addressed you that way yeah, At some point in your mind you said, whoa, I gotta become a dad now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it was on his own accord.
Speaker 4:He rang the bell. Yeah, he rang. Yeah, he did, yeah he did.
Speaker 3:He did most certainly.
Speaker 1:So are you trying to be the surrogate to him, as your surrogate was to you?
Speaker 3:Now, that's earlier when you asked me. That's why I had a sense of hesitation, because his father is actually around, like he's not a how do I say this? He's not a bad dad, you know. Like he's around, he's around, you know. Obviously, I think he could do more.
Speaker 4:Basically you're saying he's not a bad dad, but he has growing to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's around, you know. So, whereas, like, in my situation, it was different and so I often feel, you know, a little insecure about because I don't, I've never seen. This is a gray area for me, you know. Like I don't have any, I can't look to my role model, you know, like my father, for advice, if you will, because it's different than what I had growing up. His dad actually wants to be around, you know he calls every now and again and checks on him.
Speaker 1:Your insecurity is coming from, because your surrogate dad didn't have any insecurities.
Speaker 3:He didn't have any insecurities because because for one he had to be. You know, like dad, he had to be because I didn't have anybody else that was. You know, my father wasn't really taking that serious, and so this is sort of different for me because he's around, whereas my dad was never there. You know, like.
Speaker 1:Does your son call him dad as well?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he does, so.
Speaker 1:he calls you both dad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, two dads, two dads.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Winning, yeah, winning. I got two dads. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I don't know, man, I'm still figuring it out, byron, you know, sincerely, but it does bring me a sense of sometimes I don't know if I had a step in confidence, because I don't want to overstep and step on his toes. I'm often trying to be like courteous of him as a father, but at the same time as a man, you know, and like I got a certain amount of like rules and the way I go about things. So it's a fine line, you know.
Speaker 1:What's the relationship like between you and his vial father?
Speaker 3:It's usually good.
Speaker 4:It's usually good.
Speaker 3:You know we've had dark moments or times perhaps, but it's usually good. I've always encouraged the relationship. Again, I got a great role model who encouraged me to have a relationship, so I've always done the same, encouraged like call your dad, see your dad.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, it's not uncommon for you to feel that way.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What I like about it is you are cognizant of it, and being cognizant of it says I know about it, I know how I feel and therefore I have a responsibility to keep my feelings in check and put yes, little boys.
Speaker 4:Yes, first, yes, what I got to say, though, let me just say this Any man, a real man, will do that right, and that's likely what your pops did, your surrogate did.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:He probably did have some sort of feelings or insecurities and all of that, but he kept him. Like you said, he kept him in check.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And you know that's beautiful, you know if you're able to pick that up off of him and kind of pass that down.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, we're going to wind this down a little bit, but one thing that I want to ask you guys about is dad stories. I want us to tell a dad story before we get out of here. It can be a positive or a negative or a learning lesson, anything, just a dad story.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll go first. Okay, I was a kid. You know I've always been a hustling. You know like I again, I had a great role model and I've always he's always pushed me to like go get my own. You know, when I was a kid I had a lawn mowing service, you know, and me and my boys we had 20, 30 yards or whatever regular customers, some money coming in. At a young age.
Speaker 3:Anyway, one of my first yards I cut guy up the street, my cousin came over and you know kids probably 10, 11, whatever, and so we want to make some money. I'm like tell my cousin like hey, man, let's go knock on some doors and see who need the yard cut. And my cousin like yeah, let's do it. We knock on a couple doors, anyway, we make it four or five, six doors in. Somebody say yes, yeah, actually yeah, yeah, cut my yard today. Oh, yes, say no more, we got a customer. So you know, I go to the house, I get the my dad's lawnmower, my dad's weed eater, and you know we walk it up the street or whatever, cut the man's yard. I call my pops turnt up. You know, hey, oh, man, we just made some money, we made $35 cut the man yard up the street.
Speaker 3:You know my pops. He's like oh, that's cool. And he come home, I guess, like when he pulling in he passed by the dude's house and he's walking the house, he like, hey, I thought you said you cut that man's yard. I said I did. I guess you know he didn't really like the work. So he was like hey, man, you missed spots and and there was amp-pals all in this dude's yard. And so like I was like, yeah, dad, well, I didn't want to run over the amp-pals. And so he's like no, I don't work like that. Like you got to, you got to cut the grass, no matter the amp-pals, you got to go do it again. Anywho, long story short, my father was like no, man, you y'all need to get it. Get out there and go fix that man's yard. He made us like do it right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is several hours later. It made us go knock on this man's door and say, hey man, we, we actually wanted to do a better job and whatever.
Speaker 1:So that's a great story.
Speaker 3:And he made us go do that. That's a great dad story.
Speaker 1:Wow, there's a type of guy he is.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you he's one of a kind I really want to meet your dad.
Speaker 1:Hopefully we can get him on the show. That was a great dad story. How?
Speaker 4:do I follow that? I should have gone first. I know right, I'm thinking the same thing.
Speaker 4:Let me preface mine with my father, my pops black dad. It's a great man Misunderstood. That's a whole other episode. I actually had a long conversation with one of my brothers talking about perspective and grace towards a parent, kind of like we said. As a man now with kids, I can look at things differently. That being said, this is not a great Cheyenne story, but it was a very special story to me. It was a blessing, I felt loved, but it's dysfunctional. It's just as hell. My father came and picked me up from school one day because he got some great weed. Oh man, I got in the car. He's so excited. I said pop open that because remember the film cases like the Fujitsu film yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:He said pop that up, pop, and the aroma filled the whole car.
Speaker 2:It was gorgeous, it smelled amazing.
Speaker 4:He pulled me out of school because he wanted to smoke with me.
Speaker 2:Some amazing good things.
Speaker 1:This is a family show. At least it's 2023.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, well you don't know, but that was one of the things that him and I did.
Speaker 4:We bonded over a week. Yeah, we're so good marijuana, so for him to get that good of a product and then think, oh, I gotta go get my boy. That's like for those that came up a little bit more stable. Let me put this in a better way. Imagine my pops got a brand new fishing pole or fishing lure and the first thing he wanted to do is go fishing with his son. That's what we're talking about. You're just a little more different.
Speaker 1:I got some good weed. I got the bomb weed. Let me go pick up my son. You smell that fruit boy oh girl.
Speaker 4:One of my most fond memories of him just because I felt so, thought of and included.
Speaker 3:Oh, it was very inclusive.
Speaker 1:That was great story. Now, I didn't grow up with my father. As you know, I did have a few encounters with him, so my dad's story today will be about one of those encounters and, as we go forward, I might have to tell more dad stories about me or uncles. But I was 13 years old and my aunt had passed and my mom had an insurance policy on my aunt. And my family is from Alabama.
Speaker 1:I was born there, but my mother moved to Chicago when I was like two or three years old, so I didn't know a lot about Alabama. Thank God, that's one of the best things she ever did, by the way so shipped the body back to Alabama, because that's what my aunt wanted and that was her favorite sister, and my father was a mortician, and so she's going to ship the body to my father and have my father take care of the arrangements. And I was excited because I would get to see my dad and I was at an aunt's house and my dad comes and it's raining like crazy this day too, and I'm just waiting in anticipation to see my father and he finally walks through the door and yes, yes, jay Love, he's a little taller than me.
Speaker 4:You never know how tall he is.
Speaker 1:I know why he's thinking. Anyway, he came and sat on the couch and I was just in awe of him and he began to tell stories my father's gift of gap. He began to tell stories and he was telling a story about one of the reasons he was late is because of a funeral situation and he had a person that he had to do her hair because at that time, you know, he did hair and makeup. He did a lot as he grew in his business and I remember asking him. I said she was dead. He said oh yeah, and I said you, you was doing her hair. He said oh yeah, and I said aren't you afraid of dead people? He just laughed. He said, son, you don't have to be afraid of dead people. It's the ones that are walking around the earth that you got to be afraid of, and that was profound for me.
Speaker 1:You know, from that day to this day, I remember we were in Catholic schools and we went on a field trip and kids were acting up and we were hiking back and they, the counselors, are going to make us. What am I trying to say? Reprimand, not reprimand, but punish us. So we're going to sleep in the graveyard. They say Men, people were crying, girls were crying, guys were hugging each other and everything, and I went and laid up on somebody, gray laid there, and went to sleep Because I remember what my father told me. My father said you're afraid of dead people. It's the living people.
Speaker 4:You got to be afraid of See all the people crying and holding each other. Watch out for them, watch out for them.
Speaker 1:So that was one of the most profound statements my father said that I take to this day, To this day, 100 houses and all that. I don't believe in it.
Speaker 4:Man.
Speaker 1:Now, that could be true. I'm just saying. I don't go in it with any fear, because that's one thing he did give me. Just let me live in mytrue. Why do you want to know this? You don't feel the dead, they can't hurt. You Feel the living.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I don't go hunting houses, because I don't feel the same.
Speaker 3:I don't go in them at all. I feel myself.
Speaker 4:I'm going to knock you out if you scare me. It's just reactive.
Speaker 1:Well, I won't go in it either, but I guess what I'm saying is I stayed in the hotel and I want to say it was in Georgia where they were supposed to be a murder. It's a documentary on it. I stayed in that hotel like a room down from that, you know, I was slept like a baby, that's for today, I'm happy to stay there.
Speaker 4:I need a discounted rate, though. I heard about what happened in room 306.
Speaker 3:I know it went down over there.
Speaker 4:It's beautiful.
Speaker 1:I would not go by house knowing a murder had been committed there. I just wouldn't do that. But my point simply is I don't fear the dead. Once they're dead, they're done, they're gone.
Speaker 4:See, that's dope, because I worked at St Paul Hospital downtown right and my favorite I was in transport. This is fresh off. I don't know why they hired me, Just got out of jail.
Speaker 1:That's why they hired you.
Speaker 4:But I had to transport people from a room to radiology or exit or to morgue. And boy, everybody hated the morgue. They knew give Josh the morgue. I love the morgue because if you breathe and you might breathe your germs on me, the dead didn't talk back. I didn't have to check the bracelet, I just put them into the freezer. It was a peaceful, easy run. They're not toddlers. So it's interesting because I learned it, because the first one was real creepy, but after that man, that was actually a lot less worked than usual, they arguing and complaining.
Speaker 1:Why are we going this?
Speaker 4:way I have stomach hurts. How long is this going to take? I don't know. I'm not the radiologist, so it's interesting.
Speaker 1:I came to that conclusion because I was forced to pick up a body and put it onto the refrigerator and, interestingly enough, that's kind of how you and I got together, because of your ability to lift bodies. That's an interesting way to look at it. Ok, gentlemen, any last words for today.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'll give a quick last word. Though all of our stories are rather different, with dad's stories, I think that the impact was all the same. Just man, I had to learn how to do it right the first time. You had a profound life lesson and I got quality time. Regardless of what the circumstances or reasonings the back stories were before that, we were all able to extract something from my father's.
Speaker 1:Positive from my father's.
Speaker 4:So I just want to end on that part.
Speaker 1:And I want to say to fathers be positive on purpose. Yeah, Thank you for joining us. Jay Love, you want to tell us anything about what you're doing? Any projects, anything, yeah?
Speaker 3:yeah, yeah. First and foremost, on that father tip love your fathers, I don't care Forgive them. Forgive them, love them, show them honor.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:I don't care what they did. Forgive them today, love them today, go for it today, show it today. I can't control Find out what they did too.
Speaker 4:Get the other side of the story possibly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can only control what you do.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:You know, and if you have control over the amount of love that you show and exhibit to your father now or your mother now, do it Right, do it Right.
Speaker 1:Mary J Blythe said I blame my mother for nothing and I forgive her for everything.
Speaker 3:Hey, but look on another note. I just dropped some music. Stick to the plan. It's out everywhere right now, streaming on all platforms. We got something else coming. October 20th is called Time Is, but for now, stick to the plan, out on all platforms.
Speaker 4:And go find Jay Love at atjlovetheone. On all platforms.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 4:Go follow him in Iraq. He's putting a lot of positive, loving content out there, affirmative content, as well as the music, so go find his social.
Speaker 1:All righty Jay Love. Stick to the plan. All music, all platforms.
Speaker 3:All platforms.
Speaker 1:OK, you're going to love it. I promise no pun, no pun.
Speaker 2:All puns intended, no pun intended.
Speaker 1:Ok, you've been listening to another episode of the Father Factor. Thank you for joining us. Remember, all your kids are equally yours. We need you to follow us, we need you to subscribe, we need you to share, we need you to interact with us. And you know, we're getting ready to drop our website. Yeah, pretty soon. We are under construction now. We're days away. We will let you know about that. We are growing, thank you. We've been with us a year now and we love you. Take care, god bless, until next time. Hey, thank you. This is Byron, the Father Factor podcast. Thank you for listening. If you'd like what you heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there remember all your children are equally yours.
Speaker 2:It takes more than days to be a man oh yeah. It takes more than sex to be a dad oh yeah. It takes more than good to be the bad oh yeah, it takes more. It takes more, more, more, more, more more.