The Father Factor: Navigating Divorce, Remarriage, and the Quest for Paternal Reconciliation

Today's conversation takes an intimate turn with Frederick Douglas Southern, as we navigate the often tumultuous journey of fatherhood. Frederick doesn't shy away from sharing the weight of early paternal experiences, the lasting instruction from his own father, and the duty he feels towards his children. Our discussion unearths the delicate balance between involvement and rights in parenting, against a backdrop of differing values and the challenges that arise from broken relationships and the scars left by choices made in moments of weakness.

As we wade through the repercussions of infidelity, the echoes of child support disputes, and the aftershocks of divorce, our guest opens up about the personal cost of financial strain and the emotional audit it demands. Not just numbers on a paper, but a quantification of overpayments and underpinnings of resentment that ripple through the family unit. Frederick's candid reflections on remarriage and the consequent psychological landscapes formed by these upheavals reveal a man in pursuit of reconciliation with his children and himself.

We wrap up this episode with a thought-provoking discussion on the intricate dance of marriage dynamics, the concept of submissiveness, and the personal revelations that have led Frederick to choose solitude over companionship. As we thank you, our loyal listeners, for your support and engagement, we reiterate the profound impact fathers have on the lives of their children. Your experiences, stories, and voices enrich our dialogue here at the Father Factor Podcast, and we invite you to continue this conversation with us, affirming the indispensable role dads play in shaping the future.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hello and welcome to our podcast series, the Father Factor Podcast. I'm your host, byron Ricks, and joining me is my co-host and good friend, josh Wombrock. The objective is to give a voice to fathers who are not able to be with their kids, mothers who are raising kids without fathers and children who, unfortunately, are growing up without fathers in their lives. Hello everyone and welcome to the Father Factor Podcast. Why? Because fathers count. I am your host, byron Ricks. My co-host today is Josh Wombrock, and again we have back Frederick Southern I'm sorry, frederick Douglas Southern and he's going to pick it back up where we left off. Last week.

Speaker 1: 1:08

He was a man who got a woman pregnant at a young age, I think 18, 19 years old, kind of had a shotgun wedding though he didn't call it that and the young lady had a baby. But his dad stepped up and said hey, if you leave your kid, you're going to leave a kid on the way she's being raised and where the mom is. The kid needs you in her life. And I can remember that vividly because I did the same thing for Brandon. When Brandon told me that he, dad, you're going to be a grandfather, and I'm like, well, what are you going to do. He just kind of looked at me like a deer in the headlight. So Freddie's father did the same thing I did.

Speaker 1: 1:52

We stepped up and said hey, you have a kid, you have a responsibility. And that's what the father fact is all about. As we talk to fathers, we are saying if you have kids, all your kids are equally yours. You have responsibility. We're saying to moms if you have a kid by a man, that man does have a responsibility to take care of that kid, but that man also have a right to interact in that kid's life, as long as it's a safe situation, a safe environment. Not just because you upset about the scenario. You still have to keep the kid's well-being and physical and mental and social well-being in mind. Okay, frederick, how are you? My man?

Speaker 3: 2:34

Yes, hey, my life is great.

Speaker 1: 2:37

Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3: 2:38

I've not visit you. I know his life is great.

Speaker 1: 2:40

He live in large. Yeah, life is great, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful home, man, beautiful area, just love it man and he's like in LA, but he's in like an LA, but you can kind of get around, you can go places, right.

Speaker 3: 2:58

I'm what you call Midtown, midtown or Mid City, los Angeles, and I am in a very good location. I'm five minutes from the freeway, nine miles from LAX, eight miles, eight nine miles from Bennett Beach, jump on the 10 freeway and I'm in Santa Monica and 20 minutes on a good day, five miles from the Staples Center, which is downtown Los Angeles, and I am in a great location. I'm in a great spot.

Speaker 1: 3:32

He is and he has a great older home, that he's redone man. I asked him did what female gave you advice and help you with this? He just kind of looked at me like I'm an idiot. I just stereotyped the heck out of him. But he said no, I did this myself. I did get some input as to a few things, but the structural piece of it I eat the floors, the windows.

Speaker 1: 4:05

And he thought through all that himself. Now I had to remind him, though, that my wife did give him some advice on one of those rooms in a door Right, but he said I was going to do that anyways. Anyway, we're having fun because we're getting into another serious topic. When you left off, you were talking about the different values that you and your wife had. You married young, had children young. You look up, you're 19 years old, 20 years old. You got a wife and two kids, and one of the values you had was sitting together at the table for dinner at the same time, whether it be four or five o'clock, whatever time it is and as a family, having dinner and having conversation and sharing about your day and your expectations and your dreams and your goals, and that's not something that she thought was important.

Speaker 3: 5:00

She had never experienced that, so it wasn't so much not important. It just it wasn't a thing. She didn't experience it, so it wasn't a thing for her. But that was what I was accustomed to. I mean, all they did was sitting down together for dinner and, even though we're fussing and fighting, hey, you touched me, no, you touched me, you breathing on me. Everybody my father would say everybody breathe on you. You want to tell them. You know you want to tell them not to breathe on you. And you know we went through that.

Speaker 1: 5:29

But that was a bonding experience that was a part of the family bonding experience.

Speaker 3: 5:34

That was the experience.

Speaker 1: 5:35

So with the wife now you have different ideas about dinner and eating. What other differences did you guys have?

Speaker 3: 5:49

Church. Church was a big one. My father was a minister. He passed her to church in Chicago AME church and he was also a school teacher as well, so a preacher and a teacher, and she didn't have any spiritual background. So I started us as a father. I started us going to church, going to Bible study, midweek service, vacation, bible school. I taught my children how to pray. I gave them their Bibles. I taught them to say their blessings when we're sitting about to sit down and eat. So this was me. I taught my family that now, if I had left that up to her, it wouldn't happen. So, as it turns out, my children they do go to church, they do have Bibles, they do say their blessings before they eat, they say their prayers and all that. And I did that, I introduced my family to that as the father.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Are there good people today? I'm sorry, are there good people? Are your kids good people? I know a lot of people pray and go to church, but they're not good people. Are they good people?

Speaker 3: 7:09

Yeah, they're good people. You know, none of them been to jail or on drugs or beaten up by other people or anything like that in relationships, and so they're good people.

Speaker 1: 7:20

Okay. So your relationship sounded kind of acrimonious between you and the wife, and you guys eventually broke up. What was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Speaker 3: 7:30

I was a cheater. Oh, okay, I was a cheater. I was young, slim, tall, handsome, you know, and my I had to fire three or four different tailors because they didn't know how to keep my zipper zip, you know? Oh, wow, yeah, I had problems.

Speaker 4: 7:50

I had a problem.

Speaker 3: 7:52

My father had a problem too.

Speaker 4: 7:54

Yeah, I had to get a new tailor, he didn't fix my zipper.

Speaker 3: 8:00

Yeah, you know, I'm like I can't believe this damn zipper broke again and how did he get out? So here's. Here's what it was, Byron. I didn't realize this until later on. As I mentioned earlier, I got married 19, going on 20. And the best years of a young man's life young adult is from 17 to 25. I never experienced that.

Speaker 1: 8:28

That's where you're going with that Sexually I'm sorry, Sexually you mean just overall.

Speaker 3: 8:35

A little bit of everything. A little bit of everything.

Speaker 1: 8:37

Okay.

Speaker 3: 8:37

Right, right, and I never got a chance to experience that because in 1920, I got married. So I have this huge heavy responsibility on my head. I feel you and I never experienced, I never went on a date, I never had a girlfriend, right, you know, I don't know what it's like to break up and get another girlfriend or be dumped or anything like that, because I got married 19, going on 20. And I would hear all the other guys talk about their experience and I missed that. I reinvented that and you know I would tell women I'm married and they're like, okay, and yeah, you married to her. When you get back home, I'm like well, wow, damn.

Speaker 3: 9:22

And so, yeah, so I was a cheater and she did that fair up with it.

Speaker 1: 9:28

Okay, so that was a straw that broke the camel's back on her side part. Then I was thinking it was going to come from you, but it actually came from her because of your infidelity, correct, okay. So so today, how? What kind of relationship have you guys had?

Speaker 3: 9:45

We don't, we don't, we don't have a relationship. You know, byron, what really? What really pissed me off is the child support issue Not on my and paying child support and all that you know he missed that episode.

Speaker 1: 10:01

I'm sorry. We had an episode on child support.

Speaker 3: 10:05

Oh yeah, yeah, that's always a sore subject with with fathers and she wanted to keep it going and I I had some, some rearage and some interest there, like $20,000 worth of rearage and interest and all that, and 14 of it, 14,000, was interest and six 6,000 of it was the principal. And I wanted her to say, okay, well, the kids are 18 and they're past and you know, cut it off. No, I think I might need, I'm using this as income and I'm like, well, this isn't child support, this is grandmother support. I, you know, I'm like I'm thrilled to be forced to go to work to pay you and our children are well into their 30s and I'm still paying rear-inch interest and all that. And it would just, we're not friends, you're using me, you got me under your thumb and you know you have me under your thumb and you're okay with that. And her attitude when she told the kids and I would, I would hear this oh, he owes me. You know I deserve this Quick question now, did you?

Speaker 1: 11:17

did you, while they were being raised by your, your wife, that you contribute to them in any way outside the child support?

Speaker 3: 11:27

I was always there For my children. So yes, I did. And to answer your question, yes, I did Poppy. I need this poppy, I need that, no problem, let's go get it.

Speaker 1: 11:37

Okay. So you, you are providing for your children financially Outside of the child support order. Correct, okay.

Speaker 3: 11:48

Correct and her attitude was I deserve this. He was he was he cheated on me? He treated me bad.

Speaker 1: 11:56

I think we mama this.

Speaker 3: 11:59

Yeah, so I, you know. I told her. I said uh, okay, so if you, if that's the way you feel, then we, we're not friends. We ain't friends, we ain't friends, you know, right. And um, so, real quick, my brother helped me through this. He says call down the child support and tell them you want to do An audit from day one. I did that and they discovered I overpaid by $6,000. Wow, and a lot of the money that was over it. It was going to welfare instead of child support and these two entities we're not talking to each other. And so the lady says, miss Holman, she says well, mr Southern, what I'm going to do is transfer, because of your money, I'm a transfer from welfare over to DCSS, which is department of child support services, and that'll. That'll bring everything up to date. I'm going to Get rid of a lot of this interest and you'll always maybe $300 and you're done with child support. All right, I said thank you, and that's how I got rid of that.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Oh, wow, that's great Now doing going through this. I know the children are impacted when their parents divorce. What kind of impact that your children have that they take sides. What did you see in them?

Speaker 3: 13:24

Yeah, they took sides. They were, they were bitter, they were, uh, distraught they were. It was destroyed, they were devastated because now their father is no longer in the household and she got involved with someone else. And I'm like this guy don't care about my kids. He cares about you, he wants you, but he doesn't care about my children. And so now my children are in a state of confusion and it was important for me to Constantly be there, to know, to let them know I'm there, I am supportive and all that, and I'm here for you. So my presence Although it was not inside the home, but I called as much as I could, I showed up as much as I could to let them know that I'm still there, I'm still in the picture.

Speaker 1: 14:13

Right, I still support you. Gave them the psychological support they need. Now, did your daughters blame dad for being a cheater Because son might go? You know, oh no. But daughters, you know they're a little different.

Speaker 3: 14:27

Well, the son had moved out by then. He was he's older, he's he's about 18, 19. He got married and moved out and all that. The cheating issue wasn't so much A thing with the children. Simply because they're not on that level, they don't need to know that right, right, the cheating. The cheating was the issue between the parents.

Speaker 1: 14:46

But the reason I asked that is because at some point it does come out why you broke up and then it came out right, it came out exactly.

Speaker 3: 14:55

I addressed it. Yeah, I addressed it. I mean, it was a trusty. Yeah, I was a cheater, yeah, I cheated, you know, and I was already resentful and I never got a chance to experience that part of my life as a young man or young young adult, and Did you ever apologize to?

Speaker 1: 15:12

her for cheating? Did you ever say I'm sorry? I should have done that.

Speaker 3: 15:17

No, I think I, we, we, we mend it in the way and she says, well, you always seem like you were angry me and hated me and didn't like me. I say, hey, I'm sorry, I was under a lot of pressure. I'm sorry, I apologize for that, for being nasty, but no, I didn't. I don't think I ever Apologize for cheating.

Speaker 1: 15:35

Okay, so here we fast forward. You marry again.

Speaker 3: 15:43

I did. Okay, I did so real quick. Their mother Was in and out of relationships with different men and and all that, and you know, one would move out, she'd move another one in and that would Terminate and then she move another guy in, and all that and she did this like four or five times exactly. So the lady that I married, that's the. That's the only woman they saw me with up until the time I got remarried because, again, we're making examples for our children, intentional, unintentional, whether we know it or don't know it, or aware of it or whatever. I was aware of the impact we would have on our children. Now I was dating and I had other women I was seeing and all this, but I made it a point for them to only see me with a one woman right.

Speaker 1: 16:43

Which is unusual for a husband or a father or man, that's unusual for a man.

Speaker 3: 16:47

Hmm, yeah, well, their mother was in and out of relationships. I mean, when we broke up, she moved the guy in. That lasted a couple years. She moved another guy in.

Speaker 1: 16:57

That lasted for a while and she did this like four or five times right, and they didn't need to see both of us being I agree with you and I and in fact I'm commending you for that but that seems to be the exception, not the rule as it from from the match Experiences I've seen with men, they will show a kid two or three or four girlfriends, if you will, more so that, yeah, but you didn't.

Speaker 1: 17:21

That's what you did not do so. I'm commending you for that, thank you. Okay, now we move on to your second marriage.

Speaker 3: 17:34

Right. So we were married five, six years and I did not cheat on her and he said wait, let me.

Speaker 1: 17:42

Let me set the record straight on this one. I learned my lesson and I did not cheat.

Speaker 3: 17:50

Okay, I did not cheat and you know I just wasn't happy in that marriage. I just wasn't happy the the the best times that we had in our relationship was when we were dating. I Would go over house for the weekend. We do things. She come over my house for the weekend. We both had keys to each other's apartments and we were just happy. And it seems like the moment we got married the relationship just went downhill. Wow, and you know I told I said you know we were. I said stop dating the best part.

Speaker 3: 18:25

Exactly, I Didn't know it at the time, yeah, and I told her. I said, I asked, I said how do we benefit each other? She says we don't. I said you're not happy, I'm not happy. And why don't we do this? Why don't we do separate, go our separate ways and remain friends and we can still date. You know, we can still date and go back to girlfriend, boyfriend Status. She says no, frederick, because I don't, I don't trust you. I said, well, we got nothing.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Then you know, we got nothing so well, what do you think that Blacko trust him from? You? Didn't cheat on her. I guess she didn't trust you from a flirt.

Speaker 3: 19:01

You know, that was a flirt, I was a big flirt. I'm just, I love, I love flirting and. You know I look at the menu but I would never order right and so she probably thought one day you might order.

Speaker 1: 19:13

You never know, you may see that for layman, young okay okay, okay. And now you are a Grouchy, unhappy, single man and I love it.

Speaker 3: 19:38

Some people just shouldn't be married, simple as that. And I'm one of those guys that shouldn't be married. I am, you know, I'm a good friend, I'm a damn good boyfriend. I've taken good care of all the women in my life where they didn't have to worry about anything and they kept. I kept them safe and all that. But a husband no, I suck as a husband hmm.

Speaker 1: 20:00

So I asked you about Marrying again and you said Unequivocally, absolutely, quote-unquote, not.

Speaker 3: 20:12

And I would not right. And here's the thing, number one I've already raised my family. I don't plan on having any more children, right? Number two marriage won't benefit me at this point. It doesn't benefit me at all. It will benefit the woman, but it won't benefit me. Again, I've had I, I have my children, I have my grandchildren and you know I've met women who are rich I mean really rich and I still don't want to be married and get married, because it doesn't benefit me. Number three is this you know, marrying someone. We all have children, we all have grandchildren and one of the worst things you can do is commingo assets.

Speaker 3: 20:55

Yes, I agree with that. So right, that's the kiss of death. So All for those reasons and I love my freedom, I have freedom, I have peace, I have peace of mind and freedom, I have options.

Speaker 1: 21:07

Okay, I come and go as I please, and that's that you, but you also said something about Women of today is one of the reasons you won't get married again. He had something to do with their belief systems and Etc, etc. I don't know if you remember that or not.

Speaker 3: 21:25

You have to refresh my memory.

Speaker 1: 21:26

Well, you talked about lack of not being submissive. You don't?

Speaker 3: 21:33

Yeah, that's, that's not a deal for a lot of women and you know, they, they, they think that that's a dirty word and I even I was in a conversation with someone the other day and they said, well, if he's a good leader, then it's easy for me to submit. And I'm like, yeah, but we all have our parts, you have your part, I have my part. And then another one thought of again, that's a dirty word. And I said, well, submissive is just simply being cooperatively, respectfully, agreeable.

Speaker 1: 22:07

You sound like a politician on that one. Ok, Josh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4: 22:14

Oh no, I mean I'm sure we got this on tape, because I'm going to make a sound, by the way, I just I want to, I just want to put this out there, right, and I hope the women that this applies to, which is a lot of them, understand this. It as the Bible writes it right Husbands love your wives, right. That's not what we naturally do. We're not naturally lovey-dovey nurturers and all that stuff. We have to go and it's a challenge there, right, and it says wives submit to your husbands, right? So let's think about this men, we submit naturally to good leadership, right? You know, for the most part, there's some outliers, but that's why the military, well, you are here on this, on this limb by yourself.

Speaker 1: 23:07

I'm just this.

Speaker 4: 23:08

Yeah, I'll bounce on this thing but Women submit to your husband, Then women are not naturally submissive. They're not. And so to say that, oh, with the right leadership, I submit. I don't fully agree with that, because I have seen a lot of great leaders lead and a lot of unhealed people fail to fall in line. And when you talk about leadership, I know a lot of, let me say, females. I'll just say a lot of the females that want to be led, but they want to tell you how to lead them.

Speaker 3: 23:50

So, right, right, I got that. I get that a lot and I see that a lot.

Speaker 4: 23:56

And so that's kind of why I say that is, we really gots caught us to operate outside of our natural, natural state of being right. Husbands, love I'm not. I love what. I'm not that lovey Like. I have to be intentional. I used to set a count, a calendar, events, to text your wife today pick up some flowers, all of those things, because I wanted to do it, but it was never an example. So I had to create something for me to do it and then it became a desire to do it on top of that and I I'm just not a natural lovey, love Like, I'm a be here, I'm here, I got you. We're going to talk, we're going to work it out.

Speaker 4: 24:35

But like women are naturally better nurturers, right, they're going to nurture the kids, and that and dad's a little bit different. So I'm not saying men can't wait to be loved.

Speaker 1: 24:48

That's. That's, I believe, is a general slash, broad statement. I'm not disagreeing with what the Bible says, but I'm not saying that it says. But I am looking at who I am as a man and I am a natural born romantic. I got married in February, you know, right before Valentine's Day, because I was excited. You know, I get an opportunity to treat my wife twice I get to celebrate our anniversary and I get to celebrate Valentine's Day. I love buying her flowers. I always have, even when I was a young guy, a teenager, I love buying flowers. I mean, I remember when I took some flowers over to one of my girlfriend's house I was maybe 15, 16, the whole family mouth dropped because they had never seen anything like that. So I I am a lover, if you will. I do love, naturally, my wife and always have. I have felt sometimes that my wife did not love me at the same degree or same level that I loved her. So I don't know that I buy that in the DNA.

Speaker 4: 25:57

I hear that. I hear that. Well, why Like for me? I want to do those things too right, but I knew that I'd get preoccupied and forget to pick up the flowers, so I set up things in place to ensure that I didn't hurt myself. What is that old adage?

Speaker 1: 26:13

I can tell what's important to you by how you spend your time and how you spend your money right. So the things that are important to you are at the top of mind for you. That's something you wanted to do, Josh, but it wasn't important to you enough to put it at the top of mind. You needed a list. I don't need a list, and I disagree with that completely.

Speaker 4: 26:33

Well, that's what you just said. No, no, I said that I know myself well enough to where. If I'm stuck in the marketplace, it is top of mind. But you got to understand circumstances are different. My drive home was an hour. I was 40 minutes close to the store, so if I got, preoccupied, you're putting circumstances in the way of wanting will. So if I want and will for her and I don't have the means.

Speaker 1: 26:58

So I got to go. Now you added means, but that's part of my thing. I had to schedule.

Speaker 4: 27:04

You keep adding these things, but understand what I'm saying is I had to schedule things in order to do it because I didn't have the means. I had to schedule for a paychecks. I had to remind myself.

Speaker 1: 27:15

I think we're talking apples and oranges. There were many times I wanted to do things out. There's that top of mind. I didn't have the financial resources to do it, but I still wanted to do it. I just couldn't do it. I think we're talking two different things.

Speaker 4: 27:33

You're saying well you want to do it. That was the point of structuring it, so I could accomplish it because I wanted to but oftentimes couldn't. And then, when it came, times when I was able to. You know it's again and we can disagree on it.

Speaker 2: 27:52

But that's what we do disagree on. That's my take is the submission thing.

Speaker 4: 27:58

And I said over and over again women. We've been taught how to treat women a lot of times, especially when you throw the single dynamic in there.

Speaker 1: 28:05

You say that we've been taught. You said that there's a lot of men who have not been taught.

Speaker 4: 28:11

Society shows us hold the door. There's a lot of things that this culture let's be real, the culture, our American culture gleaned towards the women. It favors the women and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 28:24

It leans toward catering to women. That's what you're saying. It favors women. It favors women. Women would probably not agree with that.

Speaker 4: 28:31

I don't care if they agree or not.

Speaker 1: 28:32

I need a woman Next time we've got to get a woman on the show.

Speaker 4: 28:36

I would love that because think about like this we want equality, as long, as is often the thing. No, they want favoritism.

Speaker 3: 28:45

My experience not all, but now that I'm putting this draft coming in.

Speaker 4: 28:49

As long as it benefits them. Right Now, with this draft that they're talking about, all of a sudden I'm hearing a lot of those same. Well, wait. So you're telling me that I might have to, I could potentially be drafted.

Speaker 1: 29:03

Well, yeah, you want to be quality, Well, but you have some women. They said, okay, that's great With.

Speaker 4: 29:08

that's the. My point now is that we got this is information, information, information overload, and what is being taught? The same thing. We talk about the man being taken out of the home so that the financial assistance and come in right, Financial assistance, all of that tearing down the household. Then let's think about this from the same thing with that movement, the feminist movement. I believe women should be treated fairly, all of those things, but I believe it's up to the woman and how she pursues her life. Nobody should be told how to this, this and that If my wife chooses not to want to be or love me, okay, cool, I can't force her because there's a free will component to this. And my point here is we, as men, will do everything to get the woman right.

Speaker 4: 30:01

Right, we'll do everything, but what happens? Either we as men or them as women, because, like you said earlier, there's a balance. I know myself and I know my intentions, my desires, what I want to do, and so, based on my wife's feedback, hey, these are some of the things I'd like to see more of. I structured my life that way to appease her right, and I would do it again because I feel like I was called to do that, to love her. And I do love her, and sometimes I don't want to love her. I'll be real, I just absolutely don't. So I had to go against my flesh because I was angry, hurt, bitter, whatever it was, and still adhere to the calendar event I put on there, just in case I was pissed off, or, oh, let's pay day, where the case is, so that I would remain dedicated. However, when it comes to submissive, there's a word submit and the submissiveness has been perverted because Frederick just said the perfect translation was how did you say that, Frederick?

Speaker 4: 31:09

It's simply what, respectfully.

Speaker 3: 31:13

Respectfully agreeable. Respectfully agreeable.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Okay.

Speaker 4: 31:17

I love that Okay.

Speaker 1: 31:21

You know we're going to do a show, but I have to have a female on the show and I have a couple in mind that I want on the show, and we're going to do a show with the subject matter being submissiveness. Let's do it. I mean, that's going to be a hot topic. And then, frederick, I might like that. I'm looking forward to that. I might not be on the show.

Speaker 4: 31:41

Oh no, frederick. Hey, my man, Frederick, he got to be there, man, he got to show up.

Speaker 1: 31:46

We have to wind down, we have to wind down. But I want to give Frederick some last words before we go.

Speaker 3: 31:57

You know, as a single man, I enjoy life. In fact, I enjoy watching marriages and the interaction between the husband and the wife, and I think it's so special, I think it's adorable. I have a lot of great things to say about it. For me, I prefer to stay single, I prefer to stay unmarried and I prefer to live alone. My lifestyle is great, the way I have it decorated and this and that, and I'm not ready for any changes. I know, if I let someone move in with me, byron, you've seen my house, my closet is a hundred, my walk-in closet is a hundred square feet, you know, and if I were to let someone move in with me, she would take up three quarters of it.

Speaker 4: 32:44

Yeah, about 80, 20 room 80, 20 room, so you get 80% of that one last thing I want to go ahead.

Speaker 1: 32:50

I'm sorry you finished no.

Speaker 3: 32:53

One last thing. You know, I just recently remodeled my living room and dining room and I'm a minimalist. I don't I don't need a whole lot of junk or clutter or anything like that. I sent these pictures around to different people. The men love it, the women change something around this. You read you need that, you need to charge your area rug and I'm like it's a reason why I can't do that.

Speaker 1: 33:16

No two plants.

Speaker 3: 33:18

You need to really, really, really really, and make sure they're real.

Speaker 4: 33:22

You can tell the difference Right.

Speaker 3: 33:24

And so that's why I live alone, because I want my house. I'm happy just the way it is.

Speaker 1: 33:31

You know what. Another question and we're running a little over, but I have talked to women who are not married and they have said the same thing. You have said. One of the things, though, that the women have said. I'm wondering if this is true for you, that I have lived alone so long. I'm kind of used to how I live and I don't need to want a man to disrupt that flow. I don't mind having a boyfriend, if you will, but he has to have his own place, etc, etc. Etc. His own car, because I don't want to take care of no man. I want to be in his life or he in mine, but I don't want a husband. Do you feel the same?

Speaker 3: 34:15

way now. I'm in agreement with that, I'm in agreement. I'm in total agreement in that, because I'm there to add value to your life, not disrupt some things that I don't see or fit, or whatever.

Speaker 1: 34:30

Or to make her happy per se, right? You're not supposed to admit to make her happy or and she's not intended to make you happy You're supposed to be happy when you meet.

Speaker 3: 34:38

That is correct, and I want to add value to your life. I want you to add value to my life. I have a very peaceful lifestyle. By you, adding value to my life is adding to my peace, right, right.

Speaker 4: 34:54

Okay, I think that's a great way to end it, because that's typically what I hear with most men I talk to. They just want them to be their peace. I just need you to be my peace.

Speaker 1: 35:05

Peace of mind is the most important thing to me in my life right now. Peace of mind. It wasn't that always that way, but today it is that way, peace of mind.

Speaker 4: 35:15

I think that's kind of goes back to what he said with and I know you disagree, but I'll just say it those who hold a relationship, maybe they're guarding peace.

Speaker 1: 35:25

Peace Maybe, Maybe I don't know that. I totally disagree with that, but we have our differences. I mean, we didn't you know we would be a boring show, oh yeah, everything's agreeable, exactly Monotone and agreeable. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I appreciate you all. I appreciate you all. I want to give my guest, Frederick, a round of applause. Thank you very much Thank you. Okay, you have been listening to the father factor. Before I go, josh, tell them where to find us.

Speaker 4: 36:02

You can find us on fatherfactorpodcastcom. Come on there, interact with us. We appreciate all the love and support that you've offered. We appreciate the roll ins of comments and likes to Facebook, instagram just seeing more life out of social media. So we really thank all of you listeners for supporting us in all the ways that you do. Again, check out the website fatherfactorpodcastcom. It allows you to support, get involved and engage with us, so definitely check that out.

Speaker 1: 36:32

You've been listening to the father factor why? Because fathers count, dads, remember all your children are equally yours. Thank you again to my guest, frederick Douglas Southern. You guys take care until next time. Hey, thank you. This is Byron the father factor podcast. Thank you for listening. If you like what you've heard, subscribe and share and tell us your thoughts. We'd like to hear from you. Perhaps you can be on our show. And to the fathers out there remember all your children are equally yours.