Grace for My Home | Christian Women, Growing in Faith, Spirit-Led, Hearing from God, Sowing Truth

Guiding Little Hearts Towards Great Character

• Season 2 • Episode 72

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From this episode: Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide by Clay Clarkson

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Audrey McCracken:

Hello friends, welcome back to Grace for my home. I'm so glad to be back here with you guys again this week. I hope that your Christmas was wonderful and I hope that you are gearing up for a great new year and I just appreciate you coming back again this week and I hope that something I say today will be an interesting video. Last week we talked about character development and how character development in our children actually starts with us, and I promised that this week we would talk about character development in our children and how we as moms can help in that. And as I started to prepare this week for this topic and get my mind right my mind I realized that I probably bit off more than I can chew, meaning this is a big topic, it's a lot, and I will barely scratch the surface. I really could do a series on child training just because there's so much. When it comes to this topic, there's so much to talk about, and it's not that I'm an expert, it's that it's important. This is an area that's not a lot of thinking about it. I've done a lot of practicing in it and I'm just going to share with you.

Audrey McCracken:

I'm going to give you a brief overview today of some thoughts that I have on training children in character development, and I also want to just give a little a little, a little caveat here. You know, sometimes I struggle with what to share with you ladies. I have some ladies who I know listen to me, have older children. I have some who have no children. I have some who have children, who have their own children. Now I have some grandmothers that listen, and so sometimes I struggle with what kind of things you want to hear. But I just want to encourage you that if you, if I touch on something and you think, wow, I'd really like to know more about that, send me a message either through Facebook or through my email you can find that and just let me know. Hey, that is something I'd really like you to talk more about and I would be glad to do that. And you know, some of the topics I teach on are not going to be relevant to all, to all of you listeners, and that's fine, you know. Just take what it what's helpful.

Audrey McCracken:

But what I'm going to talk on today, if you would like to hear more on this, I would be glad to dig a little deeper into this topic and I would like to talk about the way that we are training is teaching our children the right, the proper way to behave, the way that we want them to walk. We want them to walk. As many women of character and you may wonder if that's possible to train in children and I want to say, most definitely, ideas. The Lord has given us great, a great, and also he's given us great influence in the lives of our children. You know, today there are so many things that are vying for our children's attention and allegiance and those things won't to dictate the kind of person they're going to be. But I still believe that as parents, we are the most fluent, we can be the most influential person in their life If we take that job seriously. And that's where child training comes in Now. Last week I talked about how the most important thing is that we are actually walking in the things that we're trying to teach our children. Now I won't go into all of that you can go back and listen to that podcast but I do want to start with that and just reiterate that that is the most important prerequisite for training our children, because if we're trying to train them in something that we're not walking in, then it's really. We're really being hypocritical, it's really fake. Until it's real in us, it will not be real in them. And have you noticed that they're extremely smart, that they catch on really fast If we're asking them to behave or to be something that we're not even trying to do or be?

Audrey McCracken:

I remember when I struggled with anger and I would have angry outbursts and then immediately try to talk with them about their temper, and that didn't go over too well and I knew it and I wasn't trying to be that kind of person, but I was struggling with my own issues and as the Lord helped me to get my issues under his grace, in control, then it was a lot easier to train my children in those areas. And one of the reasons it was easier to train them in those areas is because I had a lot of grace with them, because I understood. Instead of getting angry at them for getting angry, I started saying you know what I understand? I understand how frustrating this must be, because I lose my temper a lot too, and so, instead of being their adversary, I was able to become their advocate.

Audrey McCracken:

And I see so many people today either they let their kids do whatever. There's no training involved. It's just we don't want to damage their spirits, we're just going to let them be them and there's no training, or there's a very harsh training that almost drives the child away from us, and we don't want either of those extremes. There is a middle road, there is a place of grace where we can do what the Lord's asked us to do and we can lean on him to do what we can't do. I liken it to teaching our children how to drive. I have two teenagers right now.

Audrey McCracken:

Every time they leave the house, I say a prayer. I say a prayer under my breath and I tell them please be careful, you know, watch out for the other person, and I guess I'll always be that way, or at least for a long time. And you know we train them well as far as driving. Well, I must confess, my husband did most of the training. I did some, but he did the majority of the training and he's a good teacher and he trained them really well when it comes to driving. But even still, when they get on the road, I say a prayer and I think that is just a good illustration of life.

Audrey McCracken:

We have to train them. We have to train them as good as we know how. But then we have to trust God to do what we can't do. We can't just send them out and not train them and say, well, god's with them, you know, god will take care of them, because God is not going to do what we can do and we can train them. But at the same time there is a heart change that only God can do. So when we do our part, he does his part, but he won't do what we can do. And that's how I see child training. We are doing our part. We're working with God to help them become men and women of character that we are leading by example. It says in Luke 640, a student is not above the teacher, but everyone who was fully trained will be like their teacher. We impart to our children who we are. It's not enough just to say do this, don't do that. We first lead by example.

Audrey McCracken:

I also think it's important when we start training our children that we keep in mind that we're not just training behavior. Okay, we're not just telling them the things to do and the things not to do. That's important. But it's a higher calling than that. We're training them. We're teaching them who they are who they are created to be. Because when I know who I am, when I know who I'm created to be, then it affects the things that I do, the way that I see myself, the way I see the world around me. And so we're not just training them in what to do, but we're teaching them who they are and why the things that they do and don't do matter. So you were teaching them that they were created in God's image to serve God.

Audrey McCracken:

Now I wanna tell you I believe in original sin. I believe that we are born needing a savior, that we are born with a sin nature. If you have a two-year-old, you are very aware of the sin nature. We don't have to go looking for it. It shows itself really quickly. But I also believe that we have to believe for our children that God has a good plan for them and we're gonna train them for the good. We're gonna train them for the good plan and we're going to tell them the truth.

Audrey McCracken:

It says in Ephesians that we were predestined to be before him in love. He created us to serve him. He created your children to serve him, and so we're just teaching them who they are. We are teaching them who they are created to be and how God wants them to serve him, and they don't know that. They need us to teach them that when we teach them who they are, that speaks to identity. It gives them their true identity in Christ. I was created to serve God. I was created to know Him, to please Him, to love Him, and we teach them in such a way as in our family. These are the things that we do, these are the things that we believe, this is how we act and we teach them right from God's word. This is who God is. This is what he requires of us. See, it's not our authority, it's God's authority, working through the authority God's given us as parents over our children, and it's very powerful. We're teaching them. We're the kind of family who does what's right, even when nobody's looking, even when it hurts, even when it's hard. We're the kind of people who obey God no matter what, and so we're giving them that identity, because they need that. They need to see that we don't take the easy road. Serving God is not the easy road, but it's good.

Audrey McCracken:

There's a healthy tension between showing our children by example and teaching them with words. They need both. I'm sure you've heard the saying the gospel is easier called than taught. Well, I believe that the gospel is easier called when taught, and the same is true of teaching our children. They will catch our attitudes, they will catch our behavior, they'll catch our character and see that. But they also need words to express the things that they see and we need words to explain the things we expect of them. They need specific directions, they need direct instructions and being vague, you know, telling them to be good, telling them not to be bad, that's just confusing, you know, it's vague, it's frustrating, even because you've got to show them what that means. What does it mean to be good? What does it mean to love God? What does it mean to obey God? And I encourage you to spend time praying about this.

Audrey McCracken:

You know, what specific character traits do you want to train into your children? You know, and you may ask well, what about personality? Doesn't personality play a role? It most certainly does. You know, we cannot change our children's personality. Some kids have a natural bent towards one way and in the same house you have other kids who have a completely different bent in another way, and I found that with my children, some of them catch on to certain ways much easier. You know, I have a kid that it's really easy for him to forgive, and then I have another kid that it's not. It's really hard for him to let go, and that's their personality. But it doesn't mean that I can't train both of them in how to forgive and what it means to forgive. You know, the same thing with having a good attitude. You know, some kids are more sullen, some kids are just more naturally happy. That's personality and you're not going to train them out of their personality. But what we're doing is we're pointing them towards the ideal. So we're not trying to change who they are, we're just trying to help them see who God's called them to be.

Audrey McCracken:

But if I had to give you a one, two, three, this is how you train your children. First, you decide what character traits you want to impart or teach to your children. What kind of character do you want them to have? Now you may have a few things on the top of your mind, but I really encourage you to pray and ask the Lord, lord, what am I supposed to be teaching these kids, lord? What kind of character do you want to develop inside of them? You know, how am I supposed to do this, lord? It's okay if you don't know, okay, I didn't know. I would say a big majority of those who are listening to this podcast were never trained in character. And so how do you do something, how do you give your kids something you never had? You do it by grace, you do it by faith, you do it by the help of the Holy Spirit, and so I had to do this. I had to say, lord, I need you to show me this clearly, because it's all fuzzy to me. Show me specifically what things I should be teaching my children.

Audrey McCracken:

And then, once we have a list of things we want to share with them, we want to teach them, we want to, to help them walk in, we have to be that example right, it goes right back to being that example. And then we have to introduce those things with words. Now we can be an example far earlier than we can introduce those things with words or teach those things with words, because we're an example before, from birth. We're an example to them their entire life. But even before they can speak, we're being an example of who God has called us and them to be. But once they can understand the words. We can give them our words, we can teach them explicitly. This is how God's called us to live. And then, after we've taught them explicitly, then we train them in it. That's life, you know.

Audrey McCracken:

We sit down at one interval and teach these things, but the life lessons they keep coming. They come at the most inopportune times. And that's life, see. We teach them and then we train them, and we train them usually when they miss the mark. Okay, but we have to do that gently. We don't want to always be correcting, we want to show them. We want to draw them back to the path, to the way. How does God want us to act? Not like this.

Audrey McCracken:

I remember so many times when my kids were young, I just felt like, why don't they get this? I have taught them and I have taught them and I have told them and I have told them, and they just don't get it. Maybe I'm not telling them forcefully enough, maybe I'm using their own words, maybe they're just stubborn and, by grace, the Holy Spirit had to show me this is your job. Okay, you didn't change in a day and they're not going to change in a day. You're showing them the path, but it's going to take a long time for them to make it their own path.

Audrey McCracken:

You know, I have a blue healer. You may can hear her right now because as I'm doing this podcast she keeps barking in the backyard. Her name is Gigi and she has our backyard. We have our backyard fenced in and we take her for walks, but that backyard is mostly her home and it's so funny. She has the entire backyard but she has two paths that she takes. There are two gates to that fence in the backyard and she has a path from one gate to the other gate and then from that gate up to the steps of the house and she can go anywhere she wants to in that yard but she follows those tracks because I don't know why that's. That's her track and she rarely goes off the track and you can see the track because there's no grass there, because she's walked it so much.

Audrey McCracken:

And so see, what we're trying to do is help our kids form in their minds the track that we want them to walk on. We're showing them the track we're creating, hopefully. We're creating the rails that we want their train to stay on. So we're giving them habits and the habit is not for proof. You can always decide not to do the habit. But see, the habit makes it easier to do the right thing, and so that's what the training is, is we're trying to instill in them habits.

Audrey McCracken:

This is what we do, this is how we do it, and so we're trying to form in their mind the path that we want them to take, the right path, and we want to do it in such a way that it's easier to stay on the path than to get off the path. Are they going to get off the path? They sure are. Are you going to get frustrated when they get off the path? If you're like me, you will. But after a while you'll see them staying on the path, even without you having to keep reminding them, and then the next week they'll be off it again. But that's life and that's our job. Don't get frustrated when they don't take your correction quickly and consistently. That's what they need a mom for.

Audrey McCracken:

So we're guiding them, we're training them, we're reminding them, we're correcting them, and then we do it all over again, all over again. We're their example All over again. We have to teach them explicitly, all over again. We have to train them in daily life, and that's what it means to be a mom that's training her children. We're making pathways in their minds, we're giving them the right habits, we're helping them to make it easier to stay on the right path than to get off, and we're patient with them when they resist our training Because, remember, they still have a sinful nature.

Audrey McCracken:

We still have a sinful nature. But as we walk with them, as we walk with God in relationship, we can train them in the way that we would have them go. It says in Proverbs train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they won't depart from it. It's never perfect, it's always messy, it's often frustrating, but it is possible. And I just want to throw in a couple of thoughts with that. This is not manipulation. You're not manipulating them and doing the right thing. We're training them in love. Also, we're not beating them with Scripture. Now we need to use Scripture. Scripture comes in.

Audrey McCracken:

I'll talk to you in a minute about the tools that we have, and Scripture is one of those tools. But we don't beat them with Scripture. One of my desires is that my children would love God's Word, and if I'm using God's Word to constantly scold them, then they will be turned off by God's Word. So we want to use the Word to encourage, to correct, to remind, to train, but not to scold, not to beat. So what are the tools that we have? Well, we have our example. We also have our words. Our words form in their minds what is expected. It gives them a clear picture of what we're looking for, of what the goal is and our relationship with them. That's a huge tool, because when we have a close relationship with them, when they know that we love them, when they know that we're there for them, that we're their advocate and not their adversary, then they really do take to our training and our teaching much quicker.

Audrey McCracken:

We have Scripture. It says in 2 Timothy 3.16,. Every Scripture inspired of God is also profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction and righteousness. So Scripture helps us to do that. Scripture gives us the mind of the Lord. It helps us to share with our children. This is who God is, this is what he expects from us, and so Scripture is a tool that we can use and we need to use in training our children.

Audrey McCracken:

Also, examples, as in stories, books, movies, especially when our children are little, the stories that we read to them. They help form their imagination of what is right, of what is wrong, of what the world is like. And so stories are so important Hero tales, stories of men and women who have done great things, who have lived virtuously, who have done hard things, who have pressed through when it would have been a lot easier to give up. Those men and women of character help us to impart character to our children. In other words, we say, just by reading the story, just by watching the movie, we're saying to them these are the men and women we look up to. This is the ideal, this is the goal, and we don't have to say that Just putting it before them says that. That's why reading with our children is such a wonderful tool, because we are able to put before them the ideal and it gets in their hearts.

Audrey McCracken:

Guys, our children won't to rise up and be men and women of character, but they just have to know what that looks like and they have to have somebody cheering them on and believing with them that they can do great things, that they can do what is right in a world that wants to do, that doesn't care about doing what's right, it doesn't even know what right is and what wrong is anymore. So stories are so important, and so those tools are very helpful in training our children the example that we give them, the words that we use, the books, the stories that we give them, the relationship that we have with them and God's word. But, like I said before, we really do have to get clear on what things we're going to train our children in, so that it's not vague. Just to give you an example of some of the things that I tried to train my children in Some things I was more successful than others, but I put it in the Lord's hands.

Audrey McCracken:

Things like we put God first, we pray to God every day, we read God's word, we obey our mom and dad, we take correction with a good attitude, we treat others with respect. We treat others the way we want to be treated the golden rule we forgive others who hurt us. We don't take other people's things without permission. We work hard, we're generous, we're givers and not takers. We help each other, we are not argumentative. You know, those are the kind of things, and there are many, many more, but that's just an example of the kind of things I wanted to train them so that they, when they got older, would know how to serve God and how to treat and how to love people. And I must say, even today I see where they have taken on for themselves many of those character traits and they have a desire to do well, to do things well, and I can't take credit for that because I often it felt like I was just wasting my breath. But by faith you just keep on doing it and believing that even in our weaknesses God is strong and that he is in their heart working, that we're using our words but he's in their heart working.

Audrey McCracken:

And I do want to encourage you to find resources that help you. Sally Clarkson and her 24 Family Ways really helped us. It gave me a springboard, it gave us words to use in training our children. It helped me very much and so I encourage you I'll put that in the show notes so you don't have to go it alone. There are resources out there and character training and how to do that, how to help our children in those areas. So I encourage you to look for those resources. Like I said, her book, sally Clarkson's book, our 24 Family Ways, really helped me and I will link that in the show notes.

Audrey McCracken:

But if this is an area that you'd like to hear more on. I would be glad to do that. I'd be glad to share more. Just let me know and that goes for anything that I've shared. If there's an area where I just did not dive deep enough, let me know and I will go deeper. We can investigate those things together.

Audrey McCracken:

But before you go, I'd like to pray for you. Father, in Jesus' name, we come to you today and, god, we ask you to show us how to train and teach our children in the way they should go. Lord, you've given us this wonderful responsibility, as moms, to be an influence in their life for the good. Help us, o God, to impart to them, lord, a love for you, a desire to do right, lord, a knowing that they belong to you and that there's a high calling on their life, that, lord, they are not of this world but, lord, that they were created to serve you. And, lord, I pray that, lord, you would give us wisdom in this, lord. And I pray, god, that, for those who are listening, that Lord, you would impart to them a strength, a courage, lord, a faith that you're with them and that you have good plans for them and their children, and we thank you for it, lord, in Jesus' name amen.