Sarah:   0:11
Hello, good people!  It's Sarah Golding here. I hope you've had a good week In the grand scheme of however you rock along. Welcome to episode The Third! I can't believe we're here already! A huge thank you to the Wellcome Trust on the Pulse Award Grant funding for making this a possibility to happen....Now, this is the last episode focussing  more on Kirstin's story. Lovely Kirstin - I just want to give her a cuddle. Don't you? I think you agree that it's actually amazing of Kirstin to share these events, feelings and her inner thoughts.... which might be things that... resonate with you ,wherever you are in your own story. If you've appreciated Kirsten's words, feel free to join me in a moment... Just a nod of kinship Joy, In as much as , the nod represents acknowledgement of being a part of the Endo sisterhood- or their friends. If you want to to feel like you... You can empower yourself and, You can -  it's okay to acknowledge your condition. Your condition makes a difference in your life potentially every day, and just go forth and find your endo sisters and hold someone else's hand through your journey - you don't have to do it alone, you don't have to face these hard, harder than that. Harder than you could think of times alone. Do you? Do you? No.  If you feel like you're an Endo sister, just give a nod in solidarity and support with others, who no matter where they are in their journey right now -  might be nodding together on their various timelines, Yes. Send good thoughts when you're nodding... Yes?  Of healing and happiness. Let's try that. After 3.....123 Nodding healing health and happiness. Good thoughts to you. Okay, We start our last part of Freya's part of the audio fiction, wherein Frayer talks about her first experience in hospital, and on how it made morbid thoughts come to the fore. The accident prone Charlie is caught, scratching with a hairbrush.... Charlie's mum calls up in distress, suffering a moment of acute anxiety in a public place - and it is the first time we hear a little bit about Flo  and  her PTSD and anxiety and depression... This is one way it manifests and , they all ask Freya questions about her pain, on how she feels... to just try to fathom the difference between just painful periods and full blown, rather serious indeed, cases off endometriosis 

SFX:   0:00
 

FREYA:   2:54
But I do want to say that, you know, everyone has it with pain. And some people have totally different symptoms or no symptoms at all, or bloat to look like four months pregnant. And aren't you? Why really isn't helpful when you want to actually be pregnant, and, Yeah, I thought you might be preggers. Last time we took your two swimming, Charlie. Well, nothing bigger, thanks. So, yeah. Course shall be scratching wrong with a head rush in there. Chrissie, she's one of us. Feels great. So come on. What did they do to you with this telescope? They watched the bad cells to death. No. No, they can't do at the moment. One of two things ablation or excision. Ablation? Kinky? No, really. It's where they burn off the tissue on excision is where they cut it out. Well, the power optic system compels you going? Uh, yeah. Thanks, Charlie. That's lovely. Yeah, cutting it out is much more successful than burning off. Where? What's being better off now? You're every is cod. No, I need them. Actually. Mine refused. Together with the bad cells. They're meant to be here. But mine were here. Oh, touching each other. Kissing ovaries. Yeah, well, they burn off all the excess blood cells. They confined, Charlie, or they can cut them out. Oh, right. I'll just fill these ones, too. Yeah, Yes, please. That would be amazing. No scratching out. Well, there's this book that I've been listening to. The doctor, Macy, you. Now it's a book about endometriosis, and they were talking about it, like killing off weeds. If you were going to burn the head of the dandy lion, then you know it's going to grow back. Whereas if you go down to the roots and kind of cut it out, it's much more likely to be successful. So yeah, they'll do that tomorrow. Got out. Wait, hang on. So you're in this much constant pain and your home alone today or where's down? No kidding. I said into the shop for chocolate. So we're very free, ma'am. The delt once fine for treats, so, yeah, I'm naked. And actually, just realising you were going to round my door down because you thought I was dead. Oh, you're welcome. I think I sprained my shoulder though, Charlie, is anyone injured in the last five minutes? Yeah, you're right, you know. Bloody bloody bloody booth. Half of freezing water for ages. Is it the big burn job going? See? She's right. We shouldn't have let her near the cable, to be honest. No. So how you feeling that about Iraq, Prior? I mean, you okay? I mean, I'm not being rude, but, you know. Shit. Thanks. I must bloody her being scraped like that. Yeah, well, I will be under general anaesthetic. I mean, I've done it once, so I kind of know what to expect. The worst bit was just before the op. To be honest, I'm I thought I wouldn't wake up. I was set up in bed and award of about six beds, curtains wrapped around. Of course, I don't want to see you or talk to anyone. And I was reading an email from my stepmother in orbit about visualisation on how this can help in recovery of surgery. I hadn't thought much about what happens afterwards. I just read it when they came to get me. I was first into surgery that day, and by the time I was dropped off by my husband and I had been seen by the catering team and the surgeon and the anaesthetist barely had a moment to think I was nervous, very, very nervous about the surgery itself and the going under and panicking about the thoughts of what happens if I don't wake up. But I think I guess that it's fairly normal, especially the first time. But more than that, I was worried that they might not find and Dimitriou Sis, that maybe maybe it was all in my head that it was just normal pain. Women's problems just normal on DH and not something that should be life altering in the way that it wass McCain Cyst Arman Let's take you through now you will set. Let me take that for you. Shall I copied in here. Thanks. I should have said something to the anaesthetist about being scared, but I didn't stiff upper lip and all that, whatever that means. Anyway, I couldn't help thinking or stop thinking things like maybe I'd never see my daughter again. Never seen my husband or anyone I'd be dead. Nothing. No, not thinking not being not anything anywhere. I'm not four just for having bad periods. Okay. On DH. Count to 10 for me. Fun. 23 full. Five. Six. I mean, what if that's what a lot of those when I was being how down? Riddick e. Didn't realise how pay her behaviour. That was wonder. Like, one day I could feel myself being put out that being like Juliet on the slab, asleep asleep it away, put away. But it was awake, but asleep. Wait, wait, wait. But asleep, asleep presently for all thy veins shall run a cold and drowsy humour for no pulse shall keep his native progress. But surcease no warmth, no breath shall testify. Thou list the roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade to Paley Ashes by eyes, windows full like death when he shuts up the day of life. Friar Laurence, Romeo and Juliet at four. C. One to that two years ago. Still remember the line You were great. Is the fryer? When do the nurse? That was a good show that quality cars. So oh, you wake up in All's well that ends well. So when will they know it's all gone? The gunk, the stuff. I'll have a memory soon to cheque on the all clear. And if not, I'll need another operation on another on diet. Indeed. So she left. I mean, if you ever do just ask. It's all that running West Hospital, right? You know, that would be really helpful. If you could pick me up to even better, I'll get you some wine or something. No need. Just get the first round. Enough. The next show. Oh, I'm not doing the next one. What? Oh, you don't stop because of this. I can. It's just all it's too. It's too much. We're trying to conceive. And, well, it's just I'll shut up. Well, too good not to be in the next one. It's bad. Girls. Are you? Be brilliant in that. I reckon Charlie and Rachel brilliant. The Julies are. Come on. You can't not do it on Dave. Be brilliant on the gaolers. I'm going to shut. Of course. Here's the patient. I'm fine. Bye. I'm such a dick That Okay, fine. How'd

spk_0:   10:42
you doing, friend? Sorry, I didn't manage to fit any more of

spk_2:   10:45
that water bottles. It always pay their worries. I kind of better without them at the moment. This one is just perfect. Thanks. Sorry. You got burn and and you got stabbed. And you desiccated something. But it's been actually lovely to see you, but if it's okay with you, I'd prefer if you'd all please bugger off. Now, I need some sleep. Sleep's for wimps. So what hippie dippy stuff have you been doing? A hill yourself with them, madam, Because don't tell me you and your family haven't been doing something like placing your wounds to the east and lion on grants and all that. It be dipping. Be dippy. Yeah. You know, I'd expect you to be having a gong bath every few hours and listen to some meditation music or something. Well, I have been trying acupuncture. Oh, that explains that, then. Well, then well, you had, like, a little needle sticking out from a very over your head. I noticed it first, So I was in kind of slow motion falling to the floor at the front door. And at first I thought it was a grey hair sticking up. Let me get it for you. Our That's my actual heads. Us. I got a go. Well, as long as I expected for you said that before God. We so need to say office. I have a blind date on Thursday, so I don't think he'll actually be blind. No enough? Probably. No. But, hey, if Iwas win win, you don't have to look at you. I was gonna say you Sorry. Go get this. Is Mom all right? Well, you know No, I know. Ah, my prayers. He's just talking about operation tomorrow, and yeah, so we are, too.

spk_4:   12:42
Thank you. You see, that is a sign. Right again. I'm lost.

spk_2:   12:58
Was a car, uh, left soaping. You all right?

spk_4:   13:14
You go visit?

spk_0:   13:16
She was in a supermarket and something happened, and she got freaked

spk_2:   13:18
out and just walked out and kept walking. And she's, like, three miles away and cook him lift a car in a supermarket. Can we go and get her in America? Be sure. Okay, Mom, listen, Gabby is gonna come with me to get you, and then we can get your car, not driver's home, right? Sure. You're going to feel the public something, and I'll come to get you. I'm okay. All right. Yet so. Okay. Yep. Valentine, go money

spk_4:   13:48
like All

spk_2:   13:49
right. Okay. My one along. Bye bye. particularly Syrian That doesn't she? Sure

spk_0:   13:56
I really write about her. It's why I asked her to come and stay with us. But this the frequency of these things. This is thanks

spk_2:   14:06
to worrying. Um, can we go and get rid of my cab's shop, please? So, Freya, come from you leave you alone? I mean, of course I'm not suicidal today. I'm just just so see, I've also been doing this visualisation thing. It was in the e mail from the mother in law. Oh, proper hippy dippy. There it is, Peace man. Well, you know, I I have a love of mediaeval history, So I started to visualise these teeny, tiny, mediaeval soldiers who are all sent to jumpin through my abdominal incisions. Well, by all the nasty, bloody bits with their swords come often like Theo Sinner age to the swords touch they vanish, leaving a beautiful clean uterus and womb ready. Full bob. Well, yes, I guess a baby would be nice. Coffee? Not may, uh, I'll get mom

spk_0:   15:06
on the mouth. That's OK to

spk_2:   15:07
go now. A scare. An option for you, love. Oh, you look so worried. Should be okay, but I have another one, please. One sugar for mater on DH. Frayer, huh? I'm glad you didn't die, you know under Anastacia to be three leaf all Why don't we all take a moment to visualise these soldiers? Group visions? That was sort of mouth. Gabby, you're in charge here. Lego man. Rachel, this

spk_4:   15:45
storey Shall the good woman teach his son on Christmas? Crispian shall ne'er go by From this day to the ending of the world. We in it shall be remembered if you wait Have you sisters? You today should have me shall be my She NASA files gentlewomen, innit? Shall think themselves accursed. They were not here. Hole that woman while I speak with you.

spk_2:   16:29
Uh, can we go get my mom now? Okay. You're gonna be okay, Frayer. I can stay a little longer if you like. You got some bacon in, or you're gonna cook me a fry up rage. I wouldn't fire kicking, making your way. Go get your mom. No, to the fry up. Thanks, but you go ahead. I just sleep. You could tidy up my house if you want. I'm all right. Jack Moore. Right now. I hope you enjoyed the first part of

spk_0:   17:06
our audio fiction focusing on endometriosis.

spk_2:   17:10
Why do you want to

spk_0:   17:10
highlight what seems like? A, I guess throwaway nine, I wrote in the audio fiction, but for me it stands out courtesans character, Frayer says. I'm not feeling suicidal today on DH Teo. It seems to me that the kind of pain that Kirsten and Freya have described is life changing their the consistency of it, the perpetual nature of it. And I'm certain that if you don't have good support home. Thankfully, I know that Larry Kirsten's husband is amazing. Hillary on DH, she says. So on I've seen him in action is good, dude. No, it action. Oh, nevermind. I'm no against those

spk_2:   17:51
trying to be serious. But if if you

spk_0:   17:55
don't have that kind of support, it obvious that times can get muddy on DH difficult on DH dark and I hope please, you find the strength to reach out to someone either known to you or in the medical profession that can give you and or find you support and help. I think it's true to say we all have dark days, but chronic pain has its unseen perpetual battles, and as I've said, before and firmly believe you only get one life and sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to to get back on track. There's no shame in seeking help for how you feel. Ever you are worth helping supporting. And there are ways to make things easier somehow. So, please do have a look at the resources and networking sites we could find to help you on. Always, always make contact with your GP if you're worried or feel that you do need help and advice. Of course, I have to knowledge that we are hugely lucky in the UK that we have the N H s

spk_2:   18:53
array for the N. H. S. And I am out there clapping like a

spk_0:   18:56
lunatic like the rest of you. For family members who are working hard right now, love you and the strangers that make such a difference in making people better every day. So if you need help, you're the one that needs to make that first step, and you owe it to yourself to make it because people can help. Don't ignore all of thes feelings until that pain mentally on DH physically gets unbearable. Get yourself sorted. You owe it to yourself, right? Go on. I I know for a fact that lovely faith farthing of endometriosis UK would agree. And here's what she said about folks needing to recognise that they need help. Now I have here again the wonderful Faith farthing from the endometriosis UK

spk_2:   19:47
Charity. Welcome back, Faye.

spk_4:   19:49
Hi, Sara. Thanks for having me again to be

spk_0:   19:52
well again. I'm really excited to be able to show your expertise in this field. And today's focus really is on folks who I suspect they have this condition or perhaps have it on DH. I have researched enough to think they know they have it. The essential question is Wender. Folks with this condition or who suspect they might have it need to recognise that they do need

spk_2:   20:16
help. The most important thing

spk_4:   20:18
is that if pain is interfering with your everyday life to seek help from your GP, so endometriosis Simpson's vary from person to person, but the most common wants to look out for our chronic pelvic pain, painful periods, painful sex, painful bowel movement. So pay when you go to the toilet on infant eternity. So if you are experiencing any of these symptoms to any degree is always worth going to your GP to cheque out what those symptoms might be on the end of me, traces UK website. We have a pain and symptoms diarrhoea, so it's worth filling out the diary before you go to that appointment so you can track your symptoms and you can show your GP when you go to that appointment, exactly what symptoms you are experiencing and when during the month that you're you're experiencing them. I think one of the most common misconceptions with endometriosis is that you only get pain at the time of your period. But that's not the case. You can get pain throughout the month, so it's important to to recognise that and recognise pain not just at the time of your period but throughout your menstrual cycle, and to get help from your GP as soon as you start experiencing those symptoms.

spk_0:   21:27
Yeah, Andi with regards to soft conversations with partners or friends. Obviously, bizarrely, our current world still has two strange taboo around talking about periods, which, you know is part of pretty much every human's natural cycle of things. So if someone is kind of nervous, about approaching how they're feeling to someone. Is there any advice you can give to them about how to be ableto open up or be ableto be strong enough to share what their problems are? Because, as cast in a sad in Sutton time, she just felt. Or maybe I'm just having heavy periods. Maybe Maybe I'm just causing a fuss out of nothing, you know? And it wasn't nothing. It's definitely something that you know he's causing her and has caused her chronic pain for quite a quite a while.

spk_2:   22:16
Yeah, I think

spk_4:   22:17
conversation is is so important, and I think that's the first step ready to help in breaking down those barriers and help breaking down those preconceptions that you know. It's not just a bad period. So I think just being open and honest ahs you can with everyone around you so that they do understands it and, you know, in recognising that it's not their fault that they might be embarrassed by it. It's, you know, it's it's a societal taboo. It's not there. That's a boot that you know, they might be wary around having conversations like this. But the more people you know, like the people listening that have the courage to talk to people. You know, we're contributing to the breaking down of thes to boost. But yeah, I think just just be honest with people and maybe just say to them, You know, I recognise that this is a difficult conversation, that we're having a recognised that you know, you might find it embarrassing or you might find it difficult to talk about. But we need to talk about this because it's important and it's affecting me.

spk_2:   23:09
Yeah, and with regards

spk_0:   23:10
to say, the workplace, I'm sure you've come across many people who have felt really awful to the point where it is affect thing. You know how much they can work or how their capacity to work, you know, to normal pace at work. What would you give folks who really finding a struggle in approaching their employers about what's happening?

spk_4:   23:32
Yes. So again, I think, set some time aside to talk to your employer about it. So whether you have a regular catch up with them or monthly catch up, set some time aside to talk to them so you can explain exactly what intimate to raise this is and how it effects you. We've just launched a nd me traces friendly employer scheme and to meet Frances UK, which was all about breaking down These two boobs with workplace is encouraging them to have an open dialogue about intimate chases with their employees and also working towards a solution that works for both of you. I think one of the big challenges for work places is that they might think, Oh, how is this going to impact our business without necessarily thinking? How is this impacting my employees? So I think having an open conversation and trying to find, you know, that balance and easy solutions for what worked for the both of you. I think there are so many easy solutions, you know, that they're so easy for employees too established whether that's flexible working, working from home and so one. So do you have a look on the enemy traces UK website. We've got a list of things toe. Think about before you speak to your employer. So I asked her no through to you, Sarah. So you can including those in here.

spk_0:   24:39
Fantastic. That's really useful. Thank you so much. And as I say, I think it is important to just get those communication lines open. Don't hold back. Don't hold things within yourself. Don't feel in Chilo. I think there is a lot of people as phase said that you were suffering from the same is you if you have this condition And you know, I think talking to those spokes finding people who are coping with this on the day to day themselves as well will be hugely useful to your own well being as well. So please do reach out and be proactive. So yes, thank you so much, faith for all your wonderful advice, you want to just give us the address for the Web site one more time so people can ingrain that in their brains? You

spk_4:   25:23
know, actually, thank you. Say it's www dot endometriosis dash u k dog.

spk_0:   25:28
Superb. And I will pop that on our show. Nate. Well, thank you so much for all your amazing advice, I hope fake skin, their contact you and your wonderful charity for any more helpful advice. And as I say, all the other links to various things will be on our website and on this show notes. So there's no excuse for you not to get proactive and get better day by day. Yes. Thank you so much faith for your wonderful help.

spk_4:   25:51
No promise all. Thanks so much for having me, Sarah.

spk_0:   25:55
Well, how yours thanks to Faye, it's fantastic. Useful advice there. And you feel free to contact the charity to regards to anything you've heard in this podcast. And I'm sure they will endeavour to help you on. Of course, doof support it If you would like to help fund research into endometriosis. So all the details for that are on our website now. Our final visit to Kirsten's real life in person with me at her dining table kind of late nights were like talking like this because we're a bit tired. We're working busy. Nice ladies

spk_2:   26:31
on DH. I did ask also all

spk_0:   26:33
of the participants on this podcast to at some point right, a specific monologue. So what you've heard in the audio fiction isn't just things I've written and made up. It is some actual words that had taken verbatim from these interviews on DH from these monologue parts that I've asked these wonderful women to to write, so kudos to them for helping reshape the audio fiction side ofthe things. I do have to warn you. They there at some point during this both of us break a little, Um, because Hurston's life right, it's not just a storey. The things you're talking about, what happened to her right now. And I want to just underline that because it made me feel emotional. Hey, um, so tears were held at bay. I kind of like to imagine it like, you know, there's horizon pools where there's that literally distinct. How can they want to not just tipped down and not stop? And that was like our tears and that islets we hold it together. We held, I did cheated, but I also wanted Teo at that point. Just cry and hooker for a bit and just wail. And But this is just a British know so cross for this bastard invader life all the time and just amazing. And how dare that be part of her world Daily air am stopped. Being cross now is doesn't help, does it just support does and love does and positive things do. And being a nice friend when I can be is useful, right? So anyway,

spk_2:   28:06
I'm rambling. Stop it! This is Kirsten laying

spk_0:   28:09
bare the true emotional pain of thie yearning for a child and their perpetual nature of dealing with that chronic pain. Adding onto that suffering with vast mood swings. PCOS, which we talk about a little bit on DH changing her diet because of this and the pressures of that in her day today. So

spk_2:   28:29
how There's much

spk_0:   28:30
your stipp top tips for self care in here. So I'm going to stop talking and here

spk_2:   28:35
we Oh,

spk_0:   28:39
I mean day to day care for you. What do you say that sometimes you have cleared eggs D what do you take when things are at their worst perceptible ibuprofen? Even though I know they don't really help build that doesn't see them. Okay, like really even take the edge off on those worst days. But those are the things that I always have have with me. Then I take naproxen is in the family off ibuprofen. You can't take my present and a promise in at the same time. So I take that and that does help. But also it's one of those papers you kind of almost need to take before the pain hits for it to be really effective. I have tried in the past someone called meth anaemic acid on DH trans endemic acid. I think it's gold. I've tried both of those before, which sit on it. Sounds. Which meant Teo lessen the bleeding on those things that I kind of been given as a teenager and tried various times and it hasn't really helped. I also use a tens machine all right to you, which I started doing being the last year or so, which has been really helpful as I used one in child care. Yeah, which was amazing. I had one for my second Alan's here. And so I've got quite a small one, sir. It's got into a fight behind U s. So it's only like they speak there, got biggest about their size of, ah, smokable kind of circumference off. Tha s quite small, so you can kind of keep it tio your underwear or trousers and it's kind of quite discreet him. And you've just got to pads of its impulses that pulses that electric car instead of them. Yeah, to accept very levels from very clear instructions. Do not use whilst you're driving the car wait probably would do for them in the wrong place, serving with rock Mr When Bar. But that does help. Okay, a lot on alternative therapies. Have you researched your fault about? So I see in the acupuncturist she saw today? Um see, yes, I see her every week And be sure that is the all over body. It's mostly on your legs because my friend was explaining this to me the other day that when you're born, when you were developing to see your legs grow out off from your abdomen. So therefore they're connected still, Teo, what's going on in your afternoon? So therefore the various pressure put your leg do things correspond? So you were so amazingly complicated on me. I wish we knew a bit more about all that beauteous collectivity. So there. That's fascinating. That's something that I would like to try for. My allergies expert has no whatever else Well, she's treating again for fertility, but also full general pain on DH. She deals with the whole of U. S. Although she's there, she's treating just one aspect. It's everything, and it's because it's with acupuncturist. Holds two with your cheap you flow and your on how to your energy flows around your bodies in once and she treats me. But she's also a therapist. She's a nutritional ist es. Oh, you know, she kind of gets you all kinds of advice toe to try and help you on the path the way you're trying to go. Can I ask where you found her? Where you look? There was that just a local so loyal. That was, um, a recommendation from a friend who was also dealing with secondary fertility. So where you've had one child, but but then struggled to conceive more Children. So she was a friend from my end. SETI group are sons of the same age, right? So how long we've been doing it? For now, that has bean since October. Broke in a couple of months now And you feel the benefit? Is that the right word to use? Do you feel different for having experienced

spk_2:   32:49
off? I think so. I think it is difficult

spk_0:   32:54
to really know exactly. Once helping in a very beast, it gives me an hour out of my week where I could go a lie in a dark room and listen to calming music.

spk_1:   33:05
There's a lot to be said for that

spk_0:   33:06
time out, moments on which you probably don't have enough of as, ah, Mommy and a working woman. Yeah, it's having that time, and I've bean looking into meditation and moment. So I used that time and my father in, Nor is a therapist, and he works quite a lot. Was kind of using your breath, Teo control and reduce anxiety and things like that. And he's also a musician, So he has created a piece of music which goes along with the breathing method that he uses her. He uses something called 7 11 breathing where you breathe in for seven and then out for 11. Mom. And so he's created this piece of music with basically takes you on that cycle off seven beats than 11. So you gotta be Just follow the music and it it kind of almost tells you when to be, Then when to breathe out. So I listened to that, will you? Because I think meditation is one for I've only recently started doing. I went on a course last year two steps spiritually psychology. Inventing on DH. Yeah, there were just did some agent and I thought, Yes, actually, I feel that has made a difference to my control of my own. Sarah Anus between Nice. Very hard. But yet no, I do feel better for and I think, you know, you need moments of grounding in the now And I feel like I've found my life very difficult to be in this moment because a lot of the time I've been thinking about what has happened for the 25,100 things I thought doing in the next 10 minutes. So yeah, so I think that has made me very much more appreciative of this moment. And I think for anyone going through anything with either chronic pain or continual expecting off, that is going to come. And you have to deal with that. I think having moments from meditation and on grounding into the person who looks out from those high places, whoever that may be. It's really K, I think. Yeah, I just started trying to do it at home, so I haven't happened. Good, Jones. Yeah. See things that takes you through your guided meditation and actually is quite similar to the meditation that we actually do for my son when he goes to bed. Mom. Kind of like a body cheque. So we do that for him. And actually, that's something that I need to duel for myself because you try and do that myself. I started doing that at home with him as well, so I kind of have it on person talking through this, and he'll just be sitting there reading his book next to me.

spk_2:   35:41
What is this matter? Thank you. On the other day, it was I mean, this is really

spk_0:   35:46
calming. Good. Um, but also kind of thinking about acupuncture on DH meditation. Another thing that I've bean using his visual isation, which is something that might my stepmother in law suggested to me. Object. She suggested it to me in an email before my first surgery. Neither breeding her email as they called me to do so didn't really quite manage to take it all in on that point on DH. Then, after the second surgery, she said, Don't forget, you know, try visualisation. That's something that I did try and and she kind of said, Think of something that is going Tio, come in and clear out the pain and clear outs, the toxins of whatever that's going on. So I imagined that I had because obviously I'm a medievalist. Hand my focus a lot of time talking about the Crusades. When I'm at work, I imagined that I had an army of soldiers, mediaeval soldiers, and they would march up onto my stomach. Andre would go in through the incisions racing, and they would clear everything out. Fight everything are very noisy on. Then, once they were done, I would have a few of them. They would just stay on my stomach and it would go on my decisions to make sure that nothing would go in on DH Then Also, I've bean reading to my son but called me me and the mountain dragon. Okay, I don't know this one. This was about a dragon which people think is attacking them. But actually isn't. It comes and helps them and the baby dragon in another jacket on. So I then had kind of also thinking about the fertility aspect of it so well. And I kind of imagine that I have this baby dragon inside that are protecting that one day. Yes. Come out. Hands beautiful. something that and has helped. I'm sorry, and I don't know whether it helped or whether it just gave me that moment to turn off. So, you know, when I decided that it was, I'd had enough money to go lie down in those few weeks after that surgery on would just go into that little world and go in Tokyo. This is what's happening in this is how they clean money kind of gave me that moment to focus on thinking about getting better. Who Lou we had healing and going of using the power of your mind to try and positives that icky feelings. So that's I think that's beautiful. And maybe other folks have even thought of that. And that is, Yeah. On the positive power of that is probably more than we know. And again I'm talking to someone else about, you know, the brain and how it works and all the those little hormones and chemicals that, because of how we're thinking the day premiere and all the other things that you know my contributed better place for fertility or are feeling better or healing. Yeah, I think that's wonderful, So I'm sure that's useful tow fix you listening? I mean, and if there is someone listening, who is perhaps in the same similar places, you perhaps they have one. Lovely It was someone on DH hoped her at the family. What advice would you give them for? Keep it on, seek help? Andi, don't try and work out whether there is some underlying problem coming on on DH, You know, hopefully there is

spk_2:   39:25
something they can do to help.

spk_0:   39:28
And I hope that what they have done with me is going to help on and on and but definitely taking time for yourself, especially when today's life everybody is so busy. But taking that time to yourself. And as I said, you know the actor puncher on one hand, I have no idea whether it's working, but it is giving me that time to myself. But at the end of the day, I don't really know what kind of what is going tto help because it's so difficult. I think any fertility problem is unbelievably difficult to deal with, and I think with secondary fertility problems, it's it's kind of something that's not really talked about because, and I know that there are so many people out there who want to have a child on DH for reasons I'm not able, Teo. And then these people like me who have a child. But that doesn't stop the yearning. Yeah, OK, I did say that this is the point where we both where a little overcome, you know, that big, staggering breath of holding in held it together. I'm holding back the audible sob at this point where I just didn't want to break his adjustment to be the listening one. And I didn't want to cry, but I'd really did. I think for me it was just the mention of the Mummy Dragon protecting that baby space on that clear image and that nature unless her face on DH, the truth in her eyes and the pain and highs. And I don't know, I'm sure you've looked someone in the eye truly being honest and saying exactly how they feel. As you know, I've done that with other polls. So my life, but less so as an adult, I guess in some respects and I know is one of the most powerful nations ever, isn't it? And it hit me in a way of just two. I wasn't sure. Just let the silence kind of ring out. Oh, fill it on my panicked and started rambling and talking in a very British way about May so sensitive Sam, about my life experience talking about various elements are not so relevant to this podcast. And there's not enough time in this pub class to even discuss, in a way, because State of Different Thing. But that meant I could identify with the inherent yearning for a child that Kirsten was so beautifully talking about. And I rambled for a little bit on the possibility having to come to terms with. Maybe I wouldn't be able to have any more Children being lucky enough to have conceived one healthy happy little bundle. And anyway, we rejoin, as I was thinking about how that made me feel about other people having successfully conceived and other people were being able to do this and feeling feelings that brought up on DH on. We do explore those feelings a little bit more through Gabby and friends relationship in later audio fiction episodes say, I'll just stop talking will jump back in. Also, friendships are found it very difficult when other people were falling pregnant and on things that that became. I wanted to celebrate with them, obviously, because that I also felt was important to embrace these unite and those miracles of earth, which is what they are, isn't it? And so, yeah, I cannot absolutely didn't further. And I think, um, well, within my relationship, I think it did pull us together. But I know with so many of my powers, it's made things very difficult. I mean, would you say you're in a good place with the relationship wise at this, made you stronger together it has. I think it pulled us apart a bit on DH. Then we've regrouped, Could I'm refocused. And I think being in on that together has helped. I'm talking about what we're feeding, so I think that's something that we often forget is a communication is you think that underpins everything for sure on because you're working folks, both of you. You have that on DH looking after the young one you've got is you know, it's not easy with little ones with on top of everything else that yeah is going on. So yeah, I communication is very key on DH as faras kind of prioritising the time. We've kind of made it clear that maybe has been more important to take some time for you. And I do hope anyone listening, why now is he doesn't do that considers taking even if it's. And I think that's so key in a week, I think I did. So they care therapy for my skin when I would get completely covered in whatever it was, we're going to get it on. But actually, I think the healing process of that wass, like with your acupuncture going to this space once a day, every day for a certain amount of time and just not being able to do anything else on. I had the headspace to think. Where is I don't think that I had that time to think If I if I had enough, done that and had that in that particular point in my life, I think it was very important. So So, yes, we're taking that some time. I think, for whatever condition is that that you're either battling with dealing with whatever. Where do you want to use that? Yeah, that's Kay. Well, thank you so much for sharing some of the time is the only thing is you want to say or that you wanted to convey anyone he wanted to talk about. I want to say Hold bottles, which is wonderful words to say several times in a row. Have you ever tried to do that? Good. Let's go hold on a little thing. Well, yeah. Anyway, back to tell me that gas pain that I was talking about after surgeons sew on shoulders. That helps the But I always get told off by my husband with the Autobot has gotta make them so hard. But that doesn't need to be. Oh, also as well as having my diagnosis within Dimitrios is, I was also diagnosed with PCR West Jesus polycystic ovary syndrome, which also can affect fertility on DSO kind of on the back of that and researching into that, I have made a lot of changes to my diet, which should hopefully help both conditions. It's essentially an anti inflammatory diet. Most colonia stars with people who might not know what what was it is it to do with cyst war cyst growing for the arm and it can be that you have lots of cysts on your ovaries. Yes, however, that's one of those things that actually I was diagnosed fire a blood test rather than virus scan. And I actually don't have many off the more obvious symptoms of it. Kind of one of the symptoms can be kind of extreme weight gain in a short period of time on DH, then find it really difficult to lose that weight. Another one. Khun B. Loss of hair so kind of like using patches of your head was almost like a geisha. But then also growing hair. So kind of I'm growing a socio. You those kind of things and skin tags as well. You know, things which can be really difficult for for people Teo deal with in terms of kind of body image on. So I've been following a diet to kind of help with those symptoms and can help with fertility on you know that there are big changes, but one of the underlying problems with PCOS is that eventually it can cause diabetes. Okay, because you could become resistant to the incident that your body produces mode on DH. So I have recently cut out sugar from my diary so that happen. Okay. Yeah, that's hard. That's very buried. That's that's not take while you can make special special, but yeah, Now find things like fruits. Very sweet. Change your taste buds because he was not so much todo eso what it means You need to get this sugar in all kinds of things that you wouldn't expect on. So my son has allergies, so we don't have milk or Sawyer, which were also to the things that you need to cut out for this diet. So I was already had a game, which was good. Andi, I'm cutting out gluten, So cut that out. Oh, and the most recent one that I've added to that is sugar and caffeine as well as I know had caffeine since before.

spk_2:   48:45
That's what Your flip. Oh, well, you can have some.

spk_0:   48:48
Okay. That's what I was really starting to worry, Doctor. Oh, yeah, you have no idea. Okay, I don't like that. That bitter. I feel like I'm making you better. Yeah, the most expensive one on the shelf. Yes. You better know I do. I do like that, but yeah, that must be so difficult with everything but going out I suppose now a lot more menus have gotta itemise things. And yet on people with more savvy on me as to what I think, because we were used to it. The deer's thie allergies. It has made easy, and I think we're cutting an illness. I must say you have glowing said I would pay a £1,000,000,000 for nothing kind of cutting anything, outlaw diet and it's really difficult, Yeah, but once you've done it, actually it's easier. Tio do that next thing and so you, because I would have had to do it when my son was about eight months as he was reacting. Teo, the milk and the Sawyer that I was eating was reacting to that through my breast milk. You on then, kind of looking into the possibilities of alternative milks which don't have cows. Wilkin is a really difficult process, and actually it was much easier just to cut out my diet, then to kind of find an alternative awful short for himto have. So I was kind of forced into do now, but when unbelievably difficult, and you know you having to cheque packets of everything and then kind of all of the free from star has lots of extra additives in like Sugar Island. So thanks for being good. But they're now cut out other kinds of things. But yeah, that's all about anti inflammatory and so kind of trying to deal with the problems. And then one other thing I want to say that's really difficult to deal with. The kind of linking and Dimitri Otis on DH fertility is that we talked about the blood. I'm not having anywhere to escape, but as a result, that causes huge amounts of bloating. Okay, which is more commonly known as endo belly. How, but doesn't like to correct your move phone if you're trying to get pregnant. And yet every month you look four or five months pregnant, you were talking that more extreme amount of looting and you know, some women it's even worse than sports in that. So that's really difficult to deal with the fact that you're tryingto have Yes, baby, you look pregnant and that's the people. Come in, then. Is it on that farm? Hasn't No. But then the clothes that I wear, I've always worn clothes, which kind of cover that So it's not Teo lesson, Tio Tio. Okay, but psychology as women, then? Yes, because that happening continually. So, yeah, there's a lot to be certain. Therefore, your own self body image as it is matches feeling comfortable in your own skin. And I think seeing yourself change so much then within each month is kind of difficult. Well, what would you say to two women? You have that about keeping your head above water? How do you do? Would you do just keep going and then having a support network? Yeah, on having people you understand helps. What have you got? Quite a lot. I mean, you talked about various individuals, but who would you say, supports you? Most definitely my husband. You know, he's the He's the one who is literally picking me up off the floor with you, Mom, who has to deal with my terrible mood swings that go with it and obviously my son having to deal with all of that as well and not really understanding what going on, but understands that he needs, you know, Mommy is poorly and especially after my surgeries kind of know and be really careful around. Just tell me I don't hurt her right. I mean, with this saying about the mood swings is that I've become very vocal, very snappy in course. Or is that very snappy? It's difficult because I have a map to your home or outside, whatever the time. Really? Okay, it's just a cloud. It's No, it's no, it's not aggression. Stop. Violence is just a cloud, you know? It's happening, you know, that'll solve hormonal reasons for it. And so and quite often I'm not really fully aware of it until I'm out the other side. Okay? And I couldn't back her. Actually, I feel you could call thought to kill myself. Now, where is he? When you when I'm in that state, I don't always Yeah, no, it until left. Now on. How does that make you feel That coming out of it and realised that's what whatever just happened happened. E, I think I've definitely come to terms with it more, and I'm more aware of it. So therefore, when it is happening, I kind of know what's happening. I can that I could be aware of that on DH and unfortunately, it does tend to come out mostly at home. Like if I keep it more suppressed. What? I don't know. My students may say things some students might. Yes, I think I get it now and then.

spk_2:   54:17
You forgot your books. I

spk_0:   54:20
mean, I'm sure, like many women listening, we'll probably I didn't know that. And I think with Children of any agent and just the simple thing of finding this using, getting them on becomes ridiculously hard for them. And that becomes the reason that you explode from 10 minutes. So So, yeah, I think I'm sure people would identify with that. What? Thank you very much for sharing a lot of thiss given the opportunity to talk about. Well, I I am certain that these people listening here and nodding along or that I might try that, You know, I think the whole point of this sister just get communication. I think one thing those women out there is to remember that they are the ones you know their bodies on that. They need to trust their instinct. If something isn't right, they're the ones who're going to know about it on DH. No matter how many times you get tent away by the doctors saying that it's nothing. You're the one who is expert in knowing how your body works. Even if you don't understand it. You know when something no working and to trust that instant. Absolutely brilliant advice. So they k headed from Castor. You sort yourselves out. If you feel that gut is telling you, I am always the one. Teo, get things sorted out. Thank you. Okay. So what it boils down to, ladies is that Spidey sense Israel, except

spk_1:   55:54
not Spider Man. We're talking about sexy. Yes, he might be in that

spk_0:   55:58
40 fitting shoe

spk_1:   56:00
Syria degree. It's, um, superiors, Superheroes that superheroes. Ah, you superheroes

spk_0:   56:09
every day. Yes, you and these gut feelings. If

spk_1:   56:12
things aren't right, get help. Demand help. Keep going until you get the help you need. Was Kirsten sort of

spk_0:   56:20
lust hurrah? Because

spk_1:   56:22
you are a superhero you need is a gritted smile of determination to live the best you can. Just getting through every day, somehow, some way. Sometimes there's not even knowing how you got to bed time or wine or gin or cuddles o'clock. Thie you are. You're a battler. Some days will be harder for you than maybe anyone else, you know. And maybe they won't know that, and they'll be horrid or demanding or annoying when you're at your lowest and you just soldier on being amazing, being superhuman for everyone under your body's duress. But keep doing that. Can you can't so maybe start to communicate When things start to feel heavy, field long. Feel like you can't do this. And if you're Endo senses tingling like Kirsten said, and you know your body and things are right, do you for fight for your right to be seen and checked and get that ball rolling with support for where you can get it, please. And I do hope sincerely that together with help from some wonderful, caring people, find your tribe is a saying, isn't it? Yeah, but some people say that I think it's great. So again, I'm so grateful to custom shame, pop for Jenny and lowlights and highlights so far, and I don't mean, like, took of it like it's a football match. Obviously, with this podcast, they had a brief to keep two, but there are so many more parts of this condition and this mental and physical journey. I would love to explore that

spk_2:   57:53
I just need

spk_1:   57:54
to find more funding and time Teo to make that happen. So if you would like to hear more about Kirsten Storey or ask questions or just jump on me, other folks with endometriosis we have set up a four free chilled out online Hello Seffrin suddenly the 10th of May to coincide with the last of the episodes fixing on Kirsten Storey. And I would love to see

spk_0:   58:14
you there.

spk_1:   58:15
Seriously, Just come and hang. Bring in. All I ask is if if you want to If you can feel free to ping a £3 donation, Teo, the quirky voices Ko Phi which if you put in the notes and Mitchell Assis will all be contributed to the end of May to one of our favourite charities. You guess which one details on how son up for this meeting on the show notes and on the quirky voices doctor weebly dot com website So do jump in and see on there what the cars looked like you like that gorgeous inside and out. So thank you so much for listening Honestly appreciate along the people sharing it everywhere Please continue to do that. So fucking ask a request that if you heard it, and you found it useful just picking out to your social media. If you've enjoyed it with a happy note on, have a listen to this. If you've got this, I think it would be wonderful to have the whole point of this. You have to give a shout out to Lisa for sharing on her blooming uterus block. Links to that are on show night, and the music you listen to right now is the breathing stimulus, meditative music cast dimension in her interview made play of Father in Law. And there's a website you know LICA on, which is W W i n eight dot UK dot com, and I'll put that kind of upset. I enjoyed it. I let it play out at the end of the dialogue stays. You can end on a chilled out now, and obviously, do you hunt it down and use it to find your child. Happy place to be.

spk_2:   59:47
So all the

spk_1:   59:48
remains to say is, thank you to my wonderful cast. Diane Alexander, Laura Parker, Lucy Shelly fearing a trail for their awesome executive producer ship and, of course, Kirsten Stansfield, full woman being a superhero and a warrior and a good friend for helping out with this crazy epic pot. I love them, thanks to Matt and Zack Lemon for the groovy theme tune and some incidental music for Cassie for the artwork. If if you've got any questions that you want to get in touch about, then please do on Twitter at quirky voices. Opinion email on quickie voices at gmail dot come Thanks again to the Wellcome Trust of Possible to Funding Team. Thank you for listening. Do join us next week for a groovy first episode focusing on the wonderful Gabby and Laura Parker. She has so much raw on soul and parts of her own personal history have Storey that I feel other women who have had post natal prenatal depression. You need to hear to know how they feel, how they were and are helping the woman have did Will you please be Shelly's anyone for coffee episodes Farm? Why Didn't have a good have a brilliant week on DH Speak, See? Bye. Yes, no