As we waltz through the complexities of boundaries and authenticity in relationships within the BDSM community, respect, consent, and emotional investment emerge as the leading roles. Reflecting on a personal connection that evolved from foot slut to bull, and the importance of clear communication is underscored. Serving a unique purpose in someone's journey without the weight of conventional expectations is a dance we unravel together. Ending on a note of genuineness, I encourage you to live authentically, accept others without using them.
As we waltz through the complexities of boundaries and authenticity in relationships within the BDSM community, respect, consent, and emotional investment emerge as the leading roles. Reflecting on a personal connection that evolved from foot slut to bull, and the importance of clear communication is underscored. Serving a unique purpose in someone's journey without the weight of conventional expectations is a dance we unravel together. Ending on a note of genuineness, I encourage you to live authentically, accept others without using them.
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me. Chastity Queen, thank you for tuning in today and thank you for being my subscriber. I really appreciate that support. It means a lot to me. So today I just want to talk a little bit about living in guilt and I'm going to also give you a task. But let's do the task first. So what I want is, if you've never tried a butt plug before, I want you to scroll through, you know the shopping pages online and take a look and see what options there are.
Speaker 1:
One thing I do recommend for newbies in butt plugs are the training sets, and I highly recommend something that has a thinner base and a wider end cap. So as far as the plug itself, you can choose, you know, a three pack where there's different sizes. The main thing I want to say is this the neck of the butt plug, between the actual plug and then the cap, make sure that's nice and thin and make sure that the end cap is fairly large, because you don't want the butt plug to slip into your anal cavity. It is retrievable. It's not the end of the world. You can sit on the toilet and try to push it out that way. But if you don't have to deal with that, then best not to. So that's my suggestion Get a thinner neck and something that is bigger and sort of the cap, you know where it rests on your your asshole when it is pushed in, so that it doesn't slip in even further. So if you have never done it, I recommend that.
Speaker 1:
If you've done it, you probably have gone through a variety of butt plugs and you realize you enjoy maybe metal versus the silicone. Everybody has a different taste and everybody enjoys a different hardness or texture. You could get something that is a little bit more textured, a variety of options, and some butt plugs are vibratable. Or do have a button that you compressed that leaves it on and is vibrating in your ass. It's nice. You can get remote vibration. You can get all sorts of combinations.
Speaker 1:
So if you have butt plugs, maybe start to investigate other options. You know. You know you like a specific size and shape. Maybe you want to try a different texture. Maybe you want to try a glass. Maybe you have more confidence now in the tempered glass arena and you're not afraid of it anymore, so you want to go with that. As far as keeping it clean. I think that glass and metal are the best option for hygiene.
Speaker 1:
Silicone is great, but a lot of the butt plug options are, you know, materials that aren't the top quality plastic per se, that can absorb material, you know, in your body and you don't want that. So you know, get either really high grade silicone or metal or plastic and then just have fun. So the task today is to either use your plug more often or buy yourself a plug. Go to your local sex store, walk in, don't be afraid to ask questions. But if you don't want to ask questions, go in, see what's on the wall or hanging off of the different displays and pick something that appeals to you. And I want you to experiment with more butt play and in tandem with that, putting Chastity on with a butt plug is super exciting. You are not only caged but you're plugged, and that is the task for today. I want you to be plugged and caged. Enjoy it, have fun with it, experiment. Maybe you've never done anal play before. All I can say is this, other than my other recommendations of a thinner neck, bigger end cap.
Speaker 1:
Lubrication is so key. Use lots of lube First time you do it. Put some lubrication on your finger, make sure you're lubed up all around your anus. You can even put your finger in a little bit, put a little bit of lubrication inside and lubricate your butt plug before you put it in. And presto, it will pop in, probably with a little bit of initial uncomfortability. It's a new feeling, new sensation. Give yourself some time. Don't just ram it in first thing. Take it slow. But if one of the plugs that you have chosen is maybe too big, go with a smaller size. So that's your task today.
Speaker 1:
So I also want to just talk about guilt and perceptions of BDSM or of your fetishes. I have a slave who I've known for years and he sort of came in, went out of my life, in back and forth, back and forth. The reason was, I mean, he was a client of mine and when he had the funds to do it he would come and see me and he always had a great time. His fetish in particular smelly socks and boot worship, foot worship, etc. And he graduated after I left my kink house and moved forward into the podcast etc. I reached out to him once Bunny became a cook and I said hey, do you want to be my bull? He thought about it. Initially he said no and I respected that. That was fine. I didn't. There was no pressure, I just knew that he was a clean man, he was respectful and he could also enjoy his other fetish with me and it would sort of become a relationship versus a client pro-dom situation.
Speaker 1:
After some more time and thought he decided yes, I'm going to do it. So I mean, I've gone through this story in the past, I think somewhat. It didn't end up panning out and for a number of reasons he'd started a new job etc. He had work on his mind, other things happened and he lost a pet. So you know that was difficult for him and we lost connection.
Speaker 1:
Finally, he sent me another email quite extensive and apologized for everything and wanted to reconnect and of course I'm very open-minded to that and I didn't say anything about him being a bull. I mean, I have evolved throughout this cuckold situation, cuckold-cuckolder situation, and it was just nice to hear from him and to hear what had happened and how he was doing. And he felt as if he was missing something in his life and that was me. So we were going to meet for dinner this weekend but he said would you mind, mistress, if I send you a writing about where I'm at, what it's happening and that. So not to get too personal, because I don't want to reveal too much. I want to respect his privacy. Of course, he almost backpedaled. So first of all he said to me in the initial email he missed me, I deserve the best, and he wanted to see if he had another chance with me. And I of course, said no problem. Now I didn't say, well, you're going to become my bull right In this writing he wrote me. After that email.
Speaker 1:
He went on about his life and expectations and his age and that he's getting into his 30s and his family expects he's going to end up getting married and do all this stuff. And yet he's unhappy and essentially he wanted to, you know, to ask for my forgiveness. So what I realized was he reached out to me in a moment where he missed me and then, after getting a response from me and my saying, no problem, I forgive you, he reverted back into his shell and then he realized, oh, hold on, she is going to forgive me. What does this mean for me? So I could end up getting involved with her and I might end up becoming her bull.
Speaker 1:
And suddenly the idea of that commitment scared him and he went into saying in the next text, all about the expectations of his life, his responsibilities with his family. He doesn't, he's not married, he's with family right now, he's assisting them, he's helping pay for some bills, et cetera. But he went on and on about how difficult life is and how, you know, financial responsibilities are difficult. And when I read that I just thought you know what? Here we go again. I give him an opportunity to be my bull. And he backed out of it.
Speaker 1:
You know, he initially was involved, then he backed out of it, then he came back and then he sent me a message and then he backed out again and I just said you know what, enough is enough, I am not one of the steps in your 12-step program, right? Because he said he talked to a therapist about his situation and you know that the sad thing is this. And I said to him his behavior of coming all out and saying I miss you, you're amazing, this, that and the other, and then almost taking it back in, you know not too many words, well, and actually a lot of words taking it back and just saying, well, I just want forgiveness for disappointing you, which he'd already had that forgiveness once prior, was agitating for me, and it did remind me of the step in the 12-step program where you need to make amends, and if that's all it was about, I wish he would have been a bit more upfront. That being said, you know I just said good luck to you. I was, of course, I said what I said. You know, talk to your therapist. They need to go back to the drawing table, basically because you know, in life you don't go back to somebody and say I miss you, I want to. You know, get together, I want to have a dinner and then backpedal right out of it.
Speaker 1:
So he's got commitment issues, he's got a lot of different issues. It has nothing to do with me. I understand that. It has everything to do with him being noncommittal and also coming from a background where expectations are a certain way. You know your family, your parents, your grandparents, whatever the case might be, expect you to, by a certain age, have family, get married, you know, have 2.5 children and a dog right, and it's quite obvious that he is unhappy with his life definitely unhappy, and I'm always willing to be a mentor.
Speaker 1:
I had said to him, as we were having a positive conversation. You know that I could do a lot for his life. I could do a lot of good in his life. I could open up opportunities to him. You know I'd open up an opportunity for him to go to a kink event and that was part of his apology was. He didn't realize how important that was to me and he regretted not going. And yet again, you know, kind of like a yo-yo, up and down and up and down, and there comes a time where I can be forgiving. You know, if you are in a very redemptive way of approaching me, you know you are apologetic, you are looking for redemption. You mean what you say. You know. And he said this is three strikes. If he doesn't make it this time it's over. You know he doesn't get another chance, he knows that. But anyway you can't, sometimes you can't fix stupid right. But I said to him you know there is a quote from the Bible, yee of little faith.
Speaker 1:
And I've been talking to another sub recently a lot online and who enjoys my podcast. You're probably listening to this right now as I speak and you have said that since listening to the podcast and I'm not going to share everything because privacy is very important, you know, to me and to others and I respect that. But just a couple of things that you said here. So this gentleman said your podcast has been like someone opening a window in my head and letting fresh air and bad air to escape, when it comes to all of the guilt and negative feelings I had toward myself and my sub side, as well as the guidance, you know, helping him with feelings about his situation, about being sub. You know, it's like a weight being lifted off the shoulders. And you know what I'm telling you something I don't. I don't expect anybody that is interacting with me to become my life partner.
Speaker 1:
You know, yes, I would have seen that other gentleman, the other, you know, sub, that was my bull for a while. I would have seen him face to face. But you know, I told him in my after I said the thing about the 12-step program and it wasn't a hit at him or the 12-step program, it's just Because he's not on any kind of a program. I just felt like I was just a step, you know, and I was just getting checked off, like I oh, I treated her badly. So let's check her off and now my guilt is resolved and I don't have to worry about her anymore. You know, and it hurt me, it did it, I cried about it, I really did, and you know we have to treat each other with respect. I wouldn't have expected him to marry me.
Speaker 1:
But I also wonder what is his authentic idea for his own life? Is he going to live his life for his family, for the people in his life? His mom is, his grandparents, whomever you know is dictating to him his religion? Oh Well, you have to do this, that and the other, and then you'll be acceptable. So you know, him coming to me was almost like a taboo oh, I'm gonna talk to mistress again. And and oh, that was fun. I had fun with her, you know, because when we interacted I made sure that it was Incredibly fun. I always do that.
Speaker 1:
You know, I'm a pleaser top, so he just can't let go of that experience. You know, we've known each other for Almost nine years now. He saw me for that many years just as a client and then, maybe a year and a half, two years ago Now a year and a half ago Attempted being my bull and it just didn't fit. But I would have easily kept him on, never expecting him to be a bull after that if it wasn't his thing and kept him as a foot slut, you know, because that's his thing. But he has very little faith and I was looked upon as that taboo, naughty thing that he really, really enjoyed having and just can't seem to let go of it. You know, just can't let go of it. And then when he realizes he can have it again, well, I guess he doesn't want it, right? Because then all those it's like a Teeter-totter of emotions that people go through.
Speaker 1:
And I want you all to realize that you can have your cake and eat it too. Right, you can have your regular life and you can have a kinky life too. You just have to decide what is it I want? And If you're happy in your vanilla life but you need a little sprinkling you know, some little donut sprinkles of kink in your life, involve your partner. If you don't want to involve your partner, then maybe go and say hey to a Dom like me.
Speaker 1:
This is how the men used to come to me. My wife, my life is wonderful, but I want to be tied up in rope. I don't want sex because I don't want to cheat on my wife or my partner, but I just feel like I like bondage. Can you do that to me? You know it's like getting a massage. You're not taking the masseuse home, you're not gonna go marry your masseuse. They make you feel really, really good, but they serve a purpose and I served a purpose for him at the time and I offered him more than that without the need to pay and Not requiring him to change his life. I know he has other responsibilities, but I will also not be treated Subhuman, and that's what happened in this situation. You know, I was given new hope about getting to see my old friend again, going for dinner, you know, maybe doing some foot worship, but I never made any promises and I also certainly didn't want to marry him. I, but I think that he puts a relationship with me in the same category as well. You know, do I have to marry her? She's older than me. I want to have kids. She can't do that for me, you know.
Speaker 1:
So it's this mental gymnastics that somebody does, and when you involve a person in those mental gymnastics, it is very excruciatingly painful for the person being jumped on like a trampoline. You know, it's those times that it makes me feel like walking away from BDSM from the community. Right, maybe I'll go to the club every now and then have fun with Bunny Bunny is my living partner and drop everything else. But at the same time I get a message from this other sub who has been benefited by my instruction, my podcast, and I know I can't stop and I will not stop. But I do expect, and I will say, from this person I was talking about the submissive who said I've really helped him with clearing out the guilt from his life. You know, thinking about being submissive isn't a guilty pleasure anymore, it's just something he can entertain now and then and he can contact me, we can talk and everything's good.
Speaker 1:
When I hear from somebody like him, I realize that there's a necessity. And he tributes me too. So not only does he subscribe, but he sends me a tribute to my PayPal and I appreciate it and it doesn't have to be a lot. I mean, it's the thought that counts Really. That expression is so powerful. It's not the amount, it's the fact that somebody sent something. So if you're in a position to send me anything to tribute me, if you appreciate what I do in my podcast, I want to know and if you have words that you want me to share with the audience. Buy all me and send those to me and I will share them. I won't share personal names, information, emails, none of that. But if you have something you want to say to me and it hits my heart a lot of you have hit my heart with the words that you've said, the appreciation that you feel for my podcast send me a tribute, send me an email. I will notice, I will be grateful. I am grateful.
Speaker 1:
I'm not just a dom, remember. I'm a human too, and how people treat me affects me. It really does, and I've felt it even more so lately. And having this old client slash relationship treat me like a yo-yo, emotionally, because he doesn't have what he wants together. He doesn't know what that is. It's cruelty and it can come from the nicest of people. It's the strangest thing. He's a nice guy. He doesn't realize it, but subconsciously I think he has some unresolved issues and I think he wants to hurt somebody and he doesn't know he's doing it. And then, when he does realize it, you know, at the off chance, the one day he's emotional and he's like, oh crap, I was cruel to her. I need to apologize and try to reinvigorate this relationship so that I don't feel so much guilt. When you ask forgiveness because you're guilty not because you're really thinking about the other person, but maybe because you want to dabble again you don't think carefully about that, think cautiously about that. So that's what I have to say today.
Speaker 1:
But plug task and then, yes, you know what be your authentic self. Don't do life for other people. You're not required to make other people happy. I left a life like that and there was some sacrifices to live my authentic self the way I want to live, not because I'm selfish, but because I know that I can't repeat the broken history that is my family's history and I wasn't going to take part in that. So I had to find positive ways to make changes and I did, and it's not been easy, but it's been worth it, because I'm not playing a part in life.
Speaker 1:
I'm living my authentic self with those people around me who I also require to be authentically themselves, and I celebrate that. I celebrate you, and I know there are times when we cannot be our authentic selves. You know you go to the Thanksgiving dinner and all of your family's there. Well, there is a certain act you have to put on. Let's be honest, right, but when it comes to relationships, love interests, don't play games. Not with your life and not with the life of somebody else, because it matters, and when you accept yourself, you accept others. That's exactly what happened to me when I accepted myself, I accepted others. So think on it. And again, if you want to tribute, wish tenders having problems at the moment, so feel free to send me a PayPal tribute or just go on my link, treesy. What other options there are? Thank you for listening and have a beautiful, authentic day. You are loved. Bye for now.
