Step into the world of BDSM with confidence and grace as Chastity Queen takes you under her wing, revealing the secrets behind mastering the role of a Domme. Uncovering the layered importance of preparation, safety, and communication in the dynamics of dominance and submission. This episode is not just a guide; it's an invitation to understand the profound responsibilities and the profound self-awareness necessary for navigating the complex world of BDSM.
Get an inside view into the art of conducting safe and deeply rewarding BDSM sessions. You'll gain firsthand knowledge of setting the stage for encounters that prioritize trust and mutual satisfaction, with insights into the meticulous negotiation and safety protocols of a Professional Dominatrix. Whether you're a seasoned participant or a newcomer to this intriguing lifestyle, prepare to be enlightened as we explore the foundations that make a Dominatrix-submissive relationship not only successful but also deeply fulfilling for both parties involved.
Step into the world of BDSM with confidence and grace as Chastity Queen takes you under her wing, revealing the secrets behind mastering the role of a Domme. Uncovering the layered importance of preparation, safety, and communication in the dynamics of dominance and submission. This episode is not just a guide; it's an invitation to understand the profound responsibilities and the profound self-awareness necessary for navigating the complex world of BDSM.
Get an inside view into the art of conducting safe and deeply rewarding BDSM sessions. You'll gain firsthand knowledge of setting the stage for encounters that prioritize trust and mutual satisfaction, with insights into the meticulous negotiation and safety protocols of a Professional Dominatrix. Whether you're a seasoned participant or a newcomer to this intriguing lifestyle, prepare to be enlightened as we explore the foundations that make a Dominatrix-submissive relationship not only successful but also deeply fulfilling for both parties involved.
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom plus questions answered with me, chastity Queen. Thank you so much for tuning in, for listening to the wonderful people who are subscribing to my extra content, my additional paid content. That really helps me keep my show moving forward and running, so I do appreciate that. And for those who haven't subscribed yet, it is $6 per month, so not very much, but you get a lot of information that is crucial to your journey as a slave or a submissive, or as a dom or a pro dom that wants to get into this type of work, this career, work, this career, and I'm able to give you some very important information about different things like psychology, the safety, psychologically and physically, that might need to be instituted and managed and considered within the realm of a Dom sub dynamic, whether it be pro dom or lifestyle and no, I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have been through everything as a dom personally and through experience I have learned what works, what doesn't experience. I have learned what works what doesn't, and I want you to join me on this learning experience, even if you are just a fly on the wall that wants to hear about a side of life that seems almost out of touch or out of range for you, and I also want to let you know that you can go to my affiliate links on my link tree, backward slash chastity queen for any affiliate discounts on chastity cages, sex toys, kinky products. Go, take a look and definitely take advantage of those discounts. Definitely take advantage of those discounts. So I wanted to talk today from the perspective of a new person or a newbie coming into and being interested in the potential for interacting with a dom, with Adam, and I want to show you and lay out in front of you visually, through my words, through my experiences, what a session with me looked like. So, as you may or may not be aware of, not be aware of, my backstory explains the reasons why I ended up delving into this lifestyle and into this world of BDSM, and you can go back on some of my other episodes and find out about my history etc. But basically, I got involved in BDSM at the beginning of a time in my relationship where we were exploring other options. Now we didn't have a broken down relationship, but it was time for us to explore other options and as we explored and as I grew into my dominance, into the realization that I am a dom. This is what I can identify as.
Speaker 1:
I feel comfortable with myself in this role. I felt like I could trust myself with other people, because it is a very serious position to be in, and while you don't have to be a perfectionist when it comes to every single thing that you must consider before having a session, it is important to be knowledgeable, prepared and to, in fact, trust yourself, because when you trust yourself and you understand that you have a submissive under you and doing things for you whether it be something such as foot service or maybe you're doing impact play, you're doing tease and denial, you're doing psychological play. Mind fucks all of that. You have to really learn how it's done, and when you learn how it's done through role models, through watching, through shadowing other people as they are well known within the community as responsible, respectful you get some insight into the future, your future. So I did all of that pre-work. I think it's very important that you do your research, you learn how to be the best dominant that you can be. You can't just one day say, well, I think I want to be a dom because I like the money and I'm just going to start whipping men and saying, okay, that'll cost you X amount of dollars, right, it's very important that you get yourself, you immerse yourself into the community before you turn it into your profession, your career, even if it's a sideline, right? So after I did my research, I networked with a variety of masters and dominants and subs and slaves and I went to meetings and munches and sat and listened and asked questions. And then I practiced and I was trained how to use a flogger, how to use a whip, how to use a paddle, how to use urethral sounds. I wasn't going to go into that blindly thinking, well, hey, I've got confidence in myself, I know I could probably do it. If they can do it, I can probably do it. No, that's just not how you go about it. You research, it's research and development, r&d, and you know what they use that method in pharmaceutical companies. There's research and development in many entrepreneurial areas of life professions R&D, research and development. So you must research and then you develop. Okay, so I did all of that. So let's fast forward now to the point where I have my skills. Now I have to put them into practice.
Speaker 1:
I started off doing some online work to get to know the psychology of the slaves, the ways in which other doms were approaching slaves and subs, what worked for them, what didn't work for them, what seemed harsh. And then I'd question that. And then I would say, okay, well, what style of dominance are they involving themselves in? And then maybe it was something of a more extreme nature. I would research that and then I would ask myself, well, you know, hmm, is this something that I'd like to do? You know, is this in my wheelhouse? Is this something that I feel is safe for me and for my mental space? So all of these questions are asked, but anyway, so I started online and then, being that I was an artist and I still am an artist, I wanted to see people live. I had a lot of followers, a lot of people within the community that loved my feet. They begged me to worship my feet, and one of those men came to me and said clean, you know, your feet are so beautiful, you could make a lot of money with your feet.
Speaker 1:
And I had done the research in many different forms of dominance and I realized that I wanted to dabble. So I did, and I decided it was time to put myself out there, and that first step is always extremely frightening. I discussed it with the people in my life, the partners I had, and they were all on board and we instituted some safeties. So if I was going to in fact have a session, I would let somebody know what time it started, what time it ended and then check in afterwards just to let them know I was okay. So that was the beginning stages and that was how I dealt with the safety aspect. Everybody knew where I was, you know what the session was about and I would do a check-in.
Speaker 1:
And that's very important for any dom or anybody considering being a female dominant in the future to have safeties in place, have people there that you can contact in a moment's notice. That can come and get, you can help, you can respond, can get you out of a situation if you're in a bit of a sticky one. So that is very wise and prudent of anybody getting involved in this world, because you just never know who might walk through that door. They could present themselves as somebody who is safe, they can give you the information that you request, and when that door shuts, it's you and them, and when that door shuts, it's you and them. So my first experience was very frightening in that I put the ad out online and I got a response, and I highly recommend for anybody who's doing doming not to use your own phone number. So I would recommend that you get yourself a phone number on an app a free app and that's how you can communicate with potential clients.
Speaker 1:
Now I will say this when I first started to be mentored, one of my mentors lived in Toronto and she was a dom as well, and she had a dungeon that she worked out of and she called it her purple dungeon, and so I learned a lot from watching her, from practicing, and even had some sessions there, but I had somebody there in that space with me. So if you cannot have somebody in the space with you, then definitely at least have somebody know what's going on, what time, where you're at and even, if you feel more comfortable, who you're with. You don't have to give all of the details, but you can at least give them something that allow you to be found or be safe or um be located, you know, and so if there was a perpetrator, you'd have some information to protect yourself. So make sure that anybody who is holding onto that information is trustworthy, um, for the sake of yourself, for the sake of the client and, um, you know, take that seriously.
Speaker 1:
So when I did start to do my own sessions this is after the purple dungeon uh, I began to take on foot slaves. So the first session worked fine, not a problem. I felt more confident in myself and I'd have another and another, and sometimes I'd have four or five sessions in one day, and the tributes were wonderful. It was a great help to the things that I wanted to achieve. I was able to get myself more instruments as far as you know, tools of the of the trade, um, whips and paddles and floggers, and so I rolled that back in to my endeavors, and having those items were wonderful because I could go to, to my lifestyle community and I could use those instruments. It was wonderful. Go to parties, I'd have a new crop or a new whip or a new flogger because, you know, somebody had gotten on all fours and kissed my feet. It was wonderful.
Speaker 1:
So now I'm going to fast forward to when I finally got into my kinky house, and my kinky house was a major step up because I had more space, I could dedicate certain rooms to certain things and upstairs I could have my slave waiting in one of the rooms in case I needed him. So I'd be in the basement dungeon If I needed him, I could text him and there were safeties in place. He knew what time I started, what time I ended and that was a good sense of security. When I was on my own in my previous space, which was an art studio, I didn't have that kind of safety. I did have other people in other studios around me where if worst case scenario something happened, I could just run out and you know there was somebody there that I could reach out to and say call the police or whatever. But thankfully that never happened.
Speaker 1:
And when I moved into my kink house I was extremely excited. I made sure that I chose a spot that was private. I had a garage that clients could pull into and there was a door that they could walk through to get to my front door so they weren't really visually too apparent to the neighbors. I didn't want it to be a revolving door of clients. So let's pretend you're coming to see me your first ever visit and I had many men come for the very first time to see me. They were nervous, very much so, like I was when I had my very first foot worship session. I didn't show my nerves, but they were there. I was on high alert because it was new.
Speaker 1:
It was new to me and being a new slave is extremely nerve wracking in that you may have some experience within the community, but when you go to a professional dom's space you also don't know what is in store for you and that can be precarious, definitely. I mean, in some of my episodes I've talked about danger and what some subs have gone through and it can be very dangerous. So be very cautious about who you choose. Who you choose, you will feel a lot less nervous if they have good reviews or they seem to be a high protocol dom, they seem professional, they seem caring, concerned, etc. But you will be nervous your very first time. There's just no way around it.
Speaker 1:
Once you feel satisfied that it's going to be a safe space when you show up and you follow protocol and you park. If you feel uncomfortable, I recommend to leave. You have to listen to your gut instinct. But you must ask yourself is this just nerves or is there something that is bothering me? Maybe the area that you have been provided you know the address just seems like it's in a bad side of town, seems like it's in a bad side of town, maybe the people that are walking around don't seem safe and you just get the bad vibes right, then you can walk away or drive away, whichever. If it's nerves and it's simply nerves, you're going to know that. And if it's just nerves, nerves, you're going to know that. And if it's just nerves, then I say push past that and come into the door and meet your dom.
Speaker 1:
So they'd come in the door and I would ask for tribute and they would hand me an envelope with a tribute and I would make some small talk and then I would ask them to take off their clothes, their shoes, their socks, get them on their knees, put the collar around their neck, put the leash on the collar and then I would have them put their cuffs on. So I had these leather cuffs. They aren't police cuffs, they're like a leather buckled cuff with rings, o-rings on it for play. And of course we would have pre-negotiated what type of play they wanted. So I would have an idea of what they wanted, type of play they wanted. So I would have an idea of what they wanted. So maybe they wanted foot worship, or maybe they wanted some impact play, maybe they wanted to have Tease and Denial or urethral sounding, and I was well aware of what they wanted before they came in the door. They wanted before they came in the door.
Speaker 1:
So then I would have them follow me into the living room and I always had a mat in front of my chair. I would sit in the chair and I would put the men on the floor in front of me and we would go over exactly what they wanted to do. What they wanted to do, I would talk about safety. So I always like to use the traffic signal method, which is green, yellow, red, so red is stop, yellow is slow down. I have a question, and green was go, everything was good. And I would ask them about hard limits and soft limits. And I would ask them about hard limits and soft limits and I would ask them about previous experiences, what led them to come to visit me, why they are interested in a DS interaction. I learned a lot from those living room moments.
Speaker 1:
Really I did, and I always told them this was not part of the fee. I wanted to spend time of my own accord to get to know them, to really understand them to get a good feel for what they were wanting 100%, and that made it so much more seamless when we went down the stairs into the dungeon. I never took somebody straight from the main floor through that front door directly down to the dungeon ever, and I highly recommend that. If it is a first time for you that you mention to whomever you've chosen as your first experience dom to spend a few minutes discussing and reviewing what it is that you are looking for and what it is they can provide for you and the safeties involved, I highly recommend it and you can never expect that a dom will do it the way I am doing it, the way I did it, but you can mention to them that you would really appreciate just maybe five or 10 minutes to get to know each other before you begin the session, and if they are a reasonable human or dom, then they will automatically accept that. And if you have to pay for that time, I highly recommend that you do Now.
Speaker 1:
I never asked my submissives to pay for that because that was very critical, in my opinion, for me to do the best job that I could do, and it also made me feel more comfortable with the person that sat in front of me, that stranger. You know that man, it warms you up and if you get a bad feeling you can just hand them back their tribute, show them the door and be done with it. And if they cause problems, then you know you call up to your slave or you call 911. Simple as that. So let's say this submissive wants to do foot worship. So after we talk and he is naked and he's cuffed and he's got a collar on, I would take him down the stairs into my dungeon, which was sanitized before the session. I always use medical grade, cleaner wipes, et cetera. Sterilization any toys were bagged after they were sanitized to avoid any dust, any dirt, anything residual.
Speaker 1:
So make sure that when you go down into that dungeon and you look around you don't feel like, ooh, this is kind of grimy, it's kind of dirty. If you get that vibe, I say turn around, turn around, just say you know what. Thank you very much. If there's no refunds, just keep the money and leave, because health and safety really is a priority and there are many things that you can contract skin to skin or even off of surfaces, right Like hepatitis. Even If you read up on hepatitis, you'll learn that it can live for long periods of time on surfaces.
Speaker 1:
So if a dungeon that you walk into doesn't meet your standards of cleanliness, then if they're not willing to clean it up, I would recommend just walking out Now. If you look at the dungeon, it looks nice and clean and they're using, you know, new linens and such on everything and there are medical grade cleaners available, there's sanitizers, et cetera. A good dom will always have those things available and apparent in her dungeon. So you can feel confident. If it's clean and if she's taken the time to spend with you in discussing safeties and what the session's going to look like with you, you're probably in really good hands. So at that point I say just relax and let her take the lead. And so I would. I would take the lead.
Speaker 1:
I would have them lay down, sometimes on my table, and I would start with some relaxing, maybe a little bit of a relaxing massage, or maybe I would tie them up and start with a warmup before I got into heavier impact, depending on the session. If it was a foot session, I would sit on my spanking bench and I would instruct my slave what I wanted, based upon the desires that they laid out in our pre-discussion. That's why discussions previous to the session are very crucial, because you know what you're walking into, you know exactly what to expect and you get what you expect, if not more expect if not more, and I often gave more than was expected, and not in the sense that I provided any kind of escort services. That's something I just did not do. But it would be a little bit of an extra massage. At the end of the session, I'd lay you down, I'd rub you down and I'd let you have some time to completely decompress.
Speaker 1:
After a scene In the community and within a lot of dungeons it's called after care. That was always something that I asked of my client. You know, are you in a rush? Are you on a time limit? If not, if I use an extra five or 10 minutes for aftercare, are you okay with that?
Speaker 1:
Always asking permission was very important, and I think it's crucial that a dom uses that type of respect towards the submissive and when they do so, the submissive feels more apt to submit, more comfortable in that setting, and you want your submissive to be comfortable in the setting because then they can submit to the fullest of their potential and ultimately, that is what a dom wants is for a submissive to give of themselves to the best of their ability, because ultimately it's about the dom's pleasure related scene. It's very important that the submissive feels as if they've served, because if you don't feel as if you've been able to serve the dom, then the whole point of coming, of paying tribute to that woman, becomes pointless. So, as a rule, I invited the person in after discussing in texts and interactions online about what the scene was going to be. I invite them in, I accept tribute, they strip, I put them into the proper submissive attire, take them to my living room, have a discussion about safety, about the scene, about why they enjoy this particular fetish, this particular fetish. And once there's a level of comfortability and that slave isn't shaking from nerves because a lot of these men would come in shaking Once I got them calmed down, realizing that I'm your friend, I'm a dom, but I'm your friend too they relaxed a dom, but I'm your friend too they relaxed. And that is so important because when you take that submissive down those stairs to your dungeon, if they're in a relaxed state of mind, they are more capable of enjoying themselves and submitting and ultimately I am pleased. So that's what a typical session with me Chastity Queen looked like and I enjoyed it extremely. I really did.
Speaker 1:
Of course, I've had some, a few bad experiences, but that's just because those were bad people. In general, I'd say you know, 80 to 90% of the men that would come in were respectful, were wonderful submissives and were quite satisfied after their experience with me as newbies, and they would return repeatedly because they felt safe and comfortable. And that's what I want for you when you go and you look for that Dom. I want her to be, or him or them to be, somebody that you feel comfortable with, that you feel good about, that you feel safe with, because ultimately, it's your body, it's your life and, as I said, I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it's also about your mental health. Is going to this dominant person and engaging in this scene beneficial for you? Is it good for your mental health? Does it make you feel better once you're finished than when you began? So if you are new, yes, it will be nerve-wracking the first time, but if you research your DOMS and you find a good one, then you're going to truly appreciate this new journey that you're taking into BDSM and it doesn't define you as a whole, but it should provide relief from daily stresses and, in turn, please the person that you're visiting. So thank you again for listening.
Speaker 1:
I want to say thank you to those who subscribe. I really would like more subscribers at this point. It's very difficult to continue my podcast without the help and the support that I get from my subscribers. So if you have not yet subscribed, please do so. It really is a big help and it supports me in my endeavors to help others who are new to this life, who want to dig into something fresh, something fun, bring some spark back into their lives, because, I tell you, life can be very dreary at times. I know that's not always dreary, but we do need moments where we completely release our inhibitions and we hand them over to somebody who has control and who can give us that relaxation, that release that we so desperately need in our stress-filled lives.
Speaker 1:
So be sure to subscribe. You can subscribe right here on this Buzzsprout website and it's $6 a month. Really appreciate it. I really want to see my numbers go up. So if you can add to those numbers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and check out my affiliates, because I'm telling you check out my affiliates, because I'm telling you you can save some big money on kinky stuff, especially if you're starting your journey now. And I know that for a fact because when I started out and I started getting myself tools, I was so much more excited about playing. So thank you for listening. Have a wonderful day, and your task today is to tell yourself that it's worth taking a risk for your joy. Look at yourself in the mirror, say I am worth it, am worth it, I deserve it and go find yourself a beautiful Dom who will take you into the most fantasy, rich experience of your life. Bye for now.
