Facing the specters of a troubled past is a journey few can speak of with both candor and hope. My story, deeply rooted in the complexities of an oppressive religious upbringing and the struggle for personal liberation, unfolds in today's heartfelt dialogue. I take you through My attempt at therapy to focus on and improve intense dream flashbacks, the unexpected surge of nightmares, and the soul-stirring purge of my home, an act guided by nothing but my trusty witching rods. It's a raw look into the emotional labor required to dismantle the chains of trauma, and the unexpected ally I found in my non-cult family, who helped me carry the weight of painful heirlooms away from my life.
This episode isn't just a narrative of traumatic release; it's a chronicle of rebuilding and the power of boundary-setting. I recount stepping away from toxic familial conflict, a move that not only stamped out constant and horrific nightmares but also infused a new vigor into my pursuits, from the earnest purpose in podcasting to the expressive freedom in letting go of the past. The BDSM community's ethos of "family first" resonates through My healing, illustrating the harmony one can achieve without sidelining personal joys. Amidst the catharsis of decluttering items that no longer serve Me and with the tranquility of tending to my plants, I share the poignant lesson that material items simply do not matter. Join me as we traverse the landscape of healing and transformation into peace of mind.
Chastity Queen
*If anyone is struggling with mental health, trauma or feelings of hopelessness call 911 or contact:
(USA) Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 988 (USA) Veterans Crisis Line 988, then press 1 (USA) Military Helpline (888) 457-4838 (USA) YouthLine (877) 968-8491 or text teen2teen to 839863
(CANADA) Talk Suicide Canada 1 (833) 456-4566 or text 45645 (CANADA) Kids Help Phone 1 (800) 668-6868 (CANADA) First Nations & Inuit Hope for Wellness 1 (855) 242-3310 (CANADA) Trans LifeLine 1 (877) 330-6366 (CANADA) Ontario Mental Healthline 1 (866) 531-2600 (CANADA) Toronto Distress Centres 1 (416) 408-HELP (4357)
Facing the specters of a troubled past is a journey few can speak of with both candor and hope. My story, deeply rooted in the complexities of an oppressive religious upbringing and the struggle for personal liberation, unfolds in today's heartfelt dialogue. I take you through My attempt at therapy to focus on and improve intense dream flashbacks, the unexpected surge of nightmares, and the soul-stirring purge of my home, an act guided by nothing but my trusty witching rods. It's a raw look into the emotional labor required to dismantle the chains of trauma, and the unexpected ally I found in my non-cult family, who helped me carry the weight of painful heirlooms away from my life.
This episode isn't just a narrative of traumatic release; it's a chronicle of rebuilding and the power of boundary-setting. I recount stepping away from toxic familial conflict, a move that not only stamped out constant and horrific nightmares but also infused a new vigor into my pursuits, from the earnest purpose in podcasting to the expressive freedom in letting go of the past. The BDSM community's ethos of "family first" resonates through My healing, illustrating the harmony one can achieve without sidelining personal joys. Amidst the catharsis of decluttering items that no longer serve Me and with the tranquility of tending to my plants, I share the poignant lesson that material items simply do not matter. Join me as we traverse the landscape of healing and transformation into peace of mind.
Chastity Queen
*If anyone is struggling with mental health, trauma or feelings of hopelessness call 911 or contact:
(USA) Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 988 (USA) Veterans Crisis Line 988, then press 1 (USA) Military Helpline (888) 457-4838 (USA) YouthLine (877) 968-8491 or text teen2teen to 839863
(CANADA) Talk Suicide Canada 1 (833) 456-4566 or text 45645 (CANADA) Kids Help Phone 1 (800) 668-6868 (CANADA) First Nations & Inuit Hope for Wellness 1 (855) 242-3310 (CANADA) Trans LifeLine 1 (877) 330-6366 (CANADA) Ontario Mental Healthline 1 (866) 531-2600 (CANADA) Toronto Distress Centres 1 (416) 408-HELP (4357)
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Domme, plus questions answered with Me, Chastity Queen. Don't forget to look at my link tree backward slash Chastity Queen, for all of my social media platform information and affiliations. Get your discounts absolutely, especially with Locked in Lust, and you can get 15% off on top of any other discounted items they have currently for sale, as well as anything on the website. So definitely take full advantage of that discount and, of course, the queen benefits. So thank you. So today I just want to do a little bit of housekeeping, as many people call it, online. Just an update as to what's been going on with me, and lots has been going on with me.
Speaker 2:
I have been trying to essentially eliminate the triggers of the past in my life, and when I talk about triggers of my past, I speak of my upbringing, my being raised in a extreme religious organization. Some people don't like the word cult, but I have been attempting to attack that situation and eliminate it from my life, because I do suffer from a lot of nightmares. Now, good news is, when the queen wants to do something, she gets it done Absolutely. So I had attempted some therapy years ago. I got some therapy and recently I attempted to do some therapy that was very specific to thinking patterns, and I did that for two sessions and the nightmares got worse. I did that for two sessions and the nightmares got worse and I found it almost impossible to do my podcast. As you know, I haven't spoke on my podcast for a little bit and I do apologize, but I needed to get this taken care of so that I can move forward with my projects, my purpose, the things that I love to do, the things that make me happy and, of course, one of those things is being a dom and discussing the things that I have encountered and how I've encouraged other men to embrace their fetishes, their kinks, their desires and not to be ashamed of those things. So it has been very fulfilling up until this point. I have a lot of people listening and I still need more people to subscribe, so that is something that I would highly recommend that you do. You can help me on my path and my healing, as well as support a wonderful queen, yes, so the therapy wasn't doing a very good job and I decided to attempt another avenue, and I don't know if any of you are aware maybe I've discussed this, but I am a quite a spiritual person, but in a different kind of way, and I used my witching rods to answer some questions for me.
Speaker 2:
For me, and one of the answers that I received from those rods in my quest to end my torturous nightmares was to get rid of anything that was attached to my cult family, anything that I had in my home, and now I will say this much these are not small items. I have a lot of things that have been passed down to me. I've had a lot of things gifted and given to me from different cult members and they included a big, humongous, carved wooden mirror, a big, gorgeous cabinet, curio cabinet, and it was as well carved, very heavy, big items, lots of furniture, lots of trunks, lots of like a steam trunk. I had another trunk that was a carved wooden trunk from my childhood in Guatemala. I had a variety of other things. I had some dishes, dishware, so a lot of items in my house. A lot of them had to go.
Speaker 2:
Now, when I consulted my rods, I asked the rods and, as you might wonder, well, why don't you just sell those items and purchase some new things? Well, I consulted my rods and the rod said no, do not sell. And I think the reason why is because you never want to pass on negative energy knowingly to anybody else who's unsuspecting. That is not a loving thing to do. So my rods told me no, you're not to sell. I asked if I should offer it to some of my cult family and it said yes. And I said if it's not sold and my family do not want these items, should I take it to the dump? And the answer was yes. So I put out a text that day and I asked some specific people who had gifted me most of the items and given me most of the items and had me store some of the items if they were interested in those items. And, surprisingly enough, they said yes. So I put them into the vehicles there were two trucks worth of items and delivered them to that person's house.
Speaker 2:
And here's the interesting piece to this story. I thought for sure I would still have some residual nightmares, or maybe this was hocus pocus and it was not going to correct my childhood and early adulthood trauma. And the truth is I had no nightmares after that, not one for days and days and then two nights I had dreams. Now they weren't nightmarish like they used to be, but they were involving my family. So on the second night I woke up and I thought to myself what else have I missed in this house?
Speaker 2:
So I got up out of bed, I walked down into the basement, where a lot of these items were originally situated, and at the bottom of the stairs I turned right and I looked and I saw something and I thought, oh my God, that's what it is. And what stood in front of me was a suitcase, a large suitcase, and it was full of stamps going all the way back from the 1800s on to when they were purchased in the, I'd say in the 90s. They were purchased for me from an elderly gentleman who was on the committee on the board an overseer, you might say of one of the Bethels in Guatemala, and he had sold his whole collection to my father, who purchased it for me. So I did the same thing, I texted my family and I said I don't have time to root through and sort all of these stamps. I literally had thousands of stamps from all over the world and the answer I received back was yes, they would take the stamps.
Speaker 2:
And you know, and before I got the stamps out of the house, I had a couple of things that were disturbing happen to me and I hadn't decided specifically on when I could take them over or they could be picked up from my house. But after a couple of disturbing maybe coincidental experiences, I decided I was taking them over. I decided I was taking them over and on my way to go see my uncle, who he lives in a shelter right now he's doing actually a lot better now I've been dealing with that as well. But my family, my cult family, completely cut him off On my way to see him. I was going to drop off the stamps but one of my aunts, who is not in the religion, she, wanted to go in and have a visit. So I had to go in and have a visit and as the visit finished, I walked towards the front foyer of my parents' house where the stamps were, and I didn't think about it at the time.
Speaker 2:
But suddenly we were combative with each other, and more so they were combative with me, and I won't get into details because it's really, you know, it's, it really doesn't matter, it's just the details, right. Uh, it really doesn't matter, it's just the details, right. And for the very first time in my life and yes, I'm a dom, I'm in control of my situation, my life. When I'm with a slave, I'm in control, I love it, I enjoy it, it's what I am, it's who I am. But around my parents I'd always felt like a small, scared little child, and I know we all experience similar feelings when it comes to being around certain people in our lives that maybe are toxic. They can make you feel small, and they were attempting, as we walked into the foyer, to make me feel small and I finally said to them look, I don't want to start an argument, this isn't my purpose for being here. And they continued and I said I'm not doing this right now and I put on my shoes. I opened the door and I walked out of the door and I put on my shoes, I opened the door and I walked out of the door and I shut the door behind me and I sat in the vehicle awaiting my aunt to come out after she had to use the washroom. So I was waiting for her to come out so we could go and continue on with our day and visit my uncle.
Speaker 2:
And you know, I've been able to close the door, the chapter of that part of my life, and it's really made a difference. I haven't had any more nightmares. I've had some vivid dreams, but nothing as intense as they used to be. They were really starting to invade my life, those nightmares, and I was constantly tired like all of the time, and other things that were important to me were starting to suffer. You know, my podcast, my art, what else it never lacks with family? I always put family first, and that's one of the rules, you know, in BDSM is family first, no matter what. So I'd never put family on the back burner, I'd always put them in the forefront. But I had nothing left, so I just wanted to update you on what's happening.
Speaker 2:
I have had to eliminate a lot of furniture from my house, and you know I don't have and am unable to immediately replace everything, and that doesn't matter to me. You know I said to Bunny I'd rather live in a house with no furniture than to have nightmares like that, and so the one thing I did do is I saw some plants that were on sale and I was able to bring out in some beautiful palm trees into my house, some beautiful tropical bushes, and so, instead of the darkness of the items that were in my house, some of the items that were upstairs. I've replaced those spaces with plants and cleansed the house and I have never felt such freedom in that and such peace of mind. You know, it can be as simple as eliminating one item in the house that belonged to a person who had always made you feel small. You know, every time you look at it, even if you don't really even focus in on it, whenever you look at something, subconsciously it's there. So, even if it's a placebo effect, I want to say I highly recommend that, you know you look around your house and say what doesn't serve me anymore and start to eliminate the things that maybe, when you look at them, they make you sad. You know, a lot of these items were in the basement because I didn't feel proud of them, I didn't feel happy around them. And the one item actually was in my bedroom. It was a big, a huge dresser and when that left my bedroom I could not have been happier. And when that left my bedroom I could not have been happier. And, yes, my clothing, everything's in Tupperware bins in the basement now and all marked, you know. So when I want to get my clothing, I've got my closet, of course, but when I want my dresser, drawer, clothing. I have to go in the basement, which I'm actually happy to do, it, things don't matter. And I want to share something else.
Speaker 2:
When I was talking to my uncle, um, he literally lost everything and I went back to his place. Uh, I talked to the landlord and I said, look, my uncle is not well and he's in the shelter. May I come by the house and at least get his guitars? Because they had taken his things and stored them in a like a garage, sort of like a shed slash garage. So I was able to get for my uncle because the rest of the family wouldn't help him some guitars. I got him six guitars. I got some sketches. I've got photos, what else, lyrics that he wrote um, and just some incidentals, uh, like you know, paperwork for taxes and that sort of thing, and so I was able to retrieve those things and I brought them home. And because at a shelter they can't, they're not able to bring in a lot of items.
Speaker 2:
I also got him some, uh, of his dress clothes, some of his jerseys, you know some things that were important to him, some shoes and and that and, um, you know, he said to me things don't matter, he said, you know, but he just appreciates so much that he has his guitars. I rescued the guitars and you know those were the things that really mattered to him His sketches, the, the things that are personal to you, you know, hold dear to those things. And so he's on a list to get into an apartment. He's at the very top of the list and, uh, I would take him into my house but I just don't. I don't have the room, of course, now I don't have the furniture for it. But he was able to, and he doesn't live in my town, but he was able to get into a beautiful shelter and he's fed well and he has a room to sleep. And now he's got some of his clothes. I brought him and he's well taken care of. I bring him chocolates and that as well, and treats when I see him. We took him out for lunch, me and my aunt. We had a really nice time.
Speaker 2:
So but he did say, you know, he was a very successful man and after COVID, you know, he fell on hard times. He lost his business. There was really no need for the type of business he had and he ended up with some health problems and some issues and you know we are all one step away from being that person in our lives. You know a lot of us work very hard not to get there and some of us are surprised when we see family members end up there, but it doesn't take much really, it's a change of circumstance. I don't want to scare everybody, but we can't look at people who end up in a situation that they never asked for, they didn't want, that you never choose to. When you're older, become homeless oh that's my dream. Or an alcoholic or a drug addict. It's not something that is on your bucket list of things you want to be and do. And we need our friends, we need our family, we need strength, inner strength. We never, ever should quit.
Speaker 2:
You know I've had these nightmares since I was a little girl. And I'm talking horrific, like if you think of the worst horror story or horror movie that you've ever read or watched, the one that sticks out the worst for you. For me, I had three or four of those in one night. Just awful, and they felt real. So, regardless of the fact that I'm a dominant person, that doesn't negate the fact that I'm also human and I feel, and it was painful to go through.
Speaker 2:
What I went through Every single night. I didn't know what was going to be my evening. Did I even want to go to sleep? Sometimes no, because I knew inevitably that when I laid my head to that pillow I would have a nightmare. And it was difficult. But you know what you have to focus in, and this is what I did. You focus in on the things that matter, the people that matter, on the things that matter, the people that matter, and also, what do you contribute to this world, to society, to even just your family, or to your friends? You know, if you don't have family, can you make a difference in this world while you're here on it? And if you say yes, then hold on to that. And if you say no, you need to say to yourself then what can I make as my purpose? Find it, do it. It will get you through those hard times.
Speaker 2:
It got me through the hard times and when I was able to consult those witching rods, for me that was the light bulb moment and I had to listen to that. I had to listen to that advice as you know, hokey pokey, as some people might think it is for me. I thought I have to try it. I was willing to do anything to not suffer any further and, you know, unaliving myself wasn't the answer. So I had to do anything and everything possible to see if I could, you know, fix it. And it's fixed, and I might still have a couple of items in the house that I've forgotten about. I have actually found a few little trinkets, but I don't have the mass of things in the house and I think the weight of that has been removed and lifted in the house and I think the weight of that has been removed and lifted and I believe that has been a reason for the alleviation of my traumatic vivid nightmares. So you know I'm going to root through. If there's anything else, I'll throw it out, but the bulk of it is gone.
Speaker 2:
I just wanted to share that. I know you all listen to me and you want to hear about BDSM and you might want to be relaxed and hypnotized and get into a different headspace, but I think you all are owed an explanation as to why it's been a challenge for me to be regular and I'm going to do my best to change that. So thank you so much. Have a wonderful day. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your subscription. If you do subscribe. If you don't, I have a lot of material and I don't intend to stop anytime soon. Anytime soon.
Speaker 2:
You are the lights in my life. Bdsm has been part of my purpose, part of the reason why I wake up in the morning, why I interact with Bunny and have a relationship with him. And you know, I've got a new partner who is wonderful, and now he wants me to keep him locked up constantly and I'm enjoying this. I'm enjoying that I'm I'm feeling stronger as a human, which makes me more powerful, as a dom, and not in a way that you know is overpowering or too much, but a way that makes what I do and who I am more transparent. And I am much more empathetic now that I can reflect upon the things that I've done and what I've gone through, just as a human, realizing that, no matter what happens, you can never, never give up, never let the darkness overpower the light. Be the light and you can be a dom. You can be a sub, you can be a switch and you can be light. You can attract light. If your partner is dark or shows a negative energy or is toxic, there is the light around the corner for you and I see it and I know it exists.
Speaker 2:
And sometimes in our lives we not only have to evacuate our houses of items that don't serve us anymore, but we have to evacuate the negative people in our lives, cut the cord. It doesn't mean you have to be cruel or mean or harmful to them. You just say you don't serve me anymore and you move forward and they can live their life. But you must start to take ownership and to love yourself enough to say I will not allow that into my life anymore, and that's what I did. So if any of you want to donate towards me getting some more furniture I could really use a dresser.
Speaker 2:
There is a tip function on Buzzsprout. Here on my podcast, you can send me a tribute. Whatever you want to do, go on to my link tree. You can find my links there. You can purchase a chastity cage and I get a small portion of that purchase at eCage, and I get a small portion of that purchase. Or you know what? Just sending me out good vibes. That is beautiful, that is appreciated. So if you want to know how to help, continue listening. Please have faith in the fact that I haven't gone anywhere. I love you guys and I will be back shortly. I'm going to make this public, this um podcast episode, just so that everybody can hear what my story is, what's been going on, and also so that everybody knows that you can take control of your life even when you feel as if you have no control. So I love you all. Thanks for listening. Bye for now.
