Embark on a transformative journey with me, Chastity Queen, as we explore the nuanced world of submission in femdom relationships. Unlock the secrets to becoming a treasured submissive by mastering the art of humility, steering clear of the pitfalls of 'topping from the bottom,' and fostering a symbiotic bond with your dominant. In this deep dive, I peel back the curtain on effective communication and the steadfast trust necessary to navigate pre-negotiated limits. Submissives, this is your guide to achieving a fulfilling dynamic where control is gracefully surrendered and roles are wholeheartedly embraced.
Embark on a transformative journey with me, Chastity Queen, as we explore the nuanced world of submission in femdom relationships. Unlock the secrets to becoming a treasured submissive by mastering the art of humility, steering clear of the pitfalls of 'topping from the bottom,' and fostering a symbiotic bond with your dominant. In this deep dive, I peel back the curtain on effective communication and the steadfast trust necessary to navigate pre-negotiated limits. Submissives, this is your guide to achieving a fulfilling dynamic where control is gracefully surrendered and roles are wholeheartedly embraced.
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom plus questions answered with me. Chastity Queen. Thank you for tuning in today and thank you for being my subscriber. Today I want to talk about the secret to becoming a submissive. Before I begin, don't forget to go to my link tree backward slash chastityqueen, for all of my affiliate discounts and for the different areas that I am located on social media platforms. You can also get a wonderful discount on Locked in Lust using promo code Chastity Queen and enjoy that.
Speaker 1:
So today I want to delve into the secrets to becoming a submissive and as a queen. I have met many men, and in my dungeon as a pro, I met many men who had the desire to be the very best submissive, maybe that one that stood out from all of the rest. And today I am going to give you the tips and tricks and secrets to becoming a highly sought after and appreciated submissive, because, at the end of the day, we all want to feel appreciated and realize our desires, and so I would say the number one suggestion that I could make is this be humble. So you have to take that position in society as a man, maybe as a leader. I know a lot of the men who came to see me were in leadership roles and they just wanted to let go, and I was able to assist them in letting go. But you need to understand that there is a subconscious pattern, a habit that many of the submissives had that I noticed and the thing that I noticed in their subconscious was that desire to top from the bottom. They may not have known that they were doing it but, as we all know, when you are in a habitual pattern of doing specific things in life, it's very difficult to break yourself of something that is habitual and that is a common occurrence in your day-to-day life. So you aren't going to achieve full submission the first time you sit or kneel or bow in front of a femdom. It's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:
So when you're sitting in front of her, you are going to tell her before the session begins, before the play begins, you're going to let her know that your desire is to submit and that you need to be regularly, that you are submissive. And when those traits of dominance or control or maybe stubbornness pop out, you need to allow that dom to tell you and you need to be humble when she tells you this and don't be surprised, because a lot of us, who you know, are in a position as a dom. We have to sometimes remind a submissive multiple times in one session to remember who's in charge. It's a wonderful thing to hear from a dom. You know, I'm in charge, I'm the boss, remember I'm the queen. And of course you will say yes, queen, thank you, you are the queen and I am the submissive. You are the queen and I am the submissive. That is crucial. You have to allow her to exert her dominance and at the beginning you will notice that this happens more often. You will notice her bringing this up regularly. So don't take offense. That's very important and that ties in beautifully with that trait of humility.
Speaker 1:
So be humble, let her lead and even if you don't think you are being disagreeable or in a position where you aren't listening, you must take her advice, even if you don't believe she's on the same page as your mind. So you might feel submissive to her, but it could be in the way that you're acting, in the things that you do, that she sees otherwise, in the things that you do that she sees otherwise. And a dominant woman can identify a very non-submissive act quickly. So trust her. So be negotiating a scene, after giving her your hard limits, your soft limits and your you know no limits, likes and dislikes, you will need to trust her. You will need to trust her. I expect you will do research on the dom that you are involved with. So you need to establish that trust before you get in front of her. So do the research that you really need to do before finding yourself in front of that dom. And when you trust her, she needs to trust in you, and so it needs to be a very symbiotic engagement. It's a dance of the minds and the dominant versus the dominant will always act as a reverse magnet and the dom will notice this, even if the sub does not. So when I say trust, you must trust in her, even when she knows what your soft limit is and wants to test it just a little bit. You need to open up to that. Give her the ability to dominate you. Now, of course, if something is a hard limit, you will have established your safety word and you can use that word. And if she asks you well, why is it that you wanted to stop the scene or this particular portion of the scene, then you can let her know that you just need a little bit more time to work into that aspect that she's presenting to you and she will respect that.
Speaker 1:
One thing that I know I had difficulty respecting were subs that were so desperate to be under me that they went above and beyond their limits, and I knew it. I knew it. You can tell when people are faking it, and I quickly stopped that. But I will tell you this much If you are going above and beyond just for the pleasure of a dom in one area, oh that's fabulous. But in another area you are going outside of the boundaries of your comfortability and maybe in the future you will get there. Maybe you can push yourself harder, maybe you are an overachiever, maybe you are competitive, but what happens is you lose the moment, the enjoyment in trying to be competitive versus just submitting, and it's hard for a dom to trust her sub when they themselves are pushing their own limits.
Speaker 1:
So you need to go into it trusting your dom, but you also have to trust yourself and you have to understand that this is not about obtaining or possessing a femdom. This is about learning how to be submissive to her. Submissive to her. And when you pre-negotiate, you need to really follow your negotiations. You need to because she is in charge and when you give her your limits your hard, your soft and your no limits she're hard, you're soft and you're no limits. She will work within that and it's a rhythm. And when you break that, it breaks her dom space. You know a lot of people talk about subspace and that's what they want to achieve is to get into subspace and just completely let go.
Speaker 1:
When a dom negotiates with a submissive, she is beginning the process of entering dom space. I know I did. I would sit there with a submissive on his knees in front of me asking very specific questions, and if what he said to me while sitting in my living room played out differently in the dungeon, something always smelt fishy to me, it was off and my connection with that sub was broken, and that's not something you want Now. What I really want to say is number three.
Speaker 1:
Another secret to the success of becoming a sub is gratitude. Every minute, every second that that dom spends with you is a gift. She is retraining your mind, she's taking you out of your day-to-day grind and she's leading you into a place of bliss, of release, of recreation for the mind and for the body and gratitude is one of the most wonderful things that a submissive can offer, and gratitude comes in many forms. You know you can go into a session let's say it's a pro session and you pay her a tribute for her time. So she wants an X amount of dollars for X amount of time. What you can do is, after you serve her, you submit to her. If you feel that submission go above and beyond, give her a tip, maybe reach out the next day and say thank you for spending time with me. I appreciate you. It's these little things, these little extras that you do that puts you forefront in her mind, and I know that's what you want. You want to be a picture in her mind. You want her to see your face in her mind. And she may be a sadist. Sadist, she may come across as hard, tough, but I'm telling you right now, when a dom of any type finds a submissive who is willing to submit to her, and then some, she will notice you. That's definitely one of the top secrets I can tell you.
Speaker 1:
You know, I have many different submissives who I have interacted with and the gratitude should not dwindle Ever. The gratitude should increase. I've started a fitness routine. I'm going to the gym almost every single day. Now I'm strengthening my mind first, and my body is the bonus. And I was talking to my ballerina slave and expressing how good it's been feeling to go to the gym and feeling better emotionally and physically has been really a turning point for me.
Speaker 1:
So we carried on our discussion and then he wanted to do some modeling and he has a whole massive collection of panties and lingerie and ballerina style wear. You know, ballet wear, clothing, tutus, ballet shoes, you name it and he's an exhibitionist and he's got a private backyard. So every now and then, when the neighbors are away and he feels he can get away with it, I will send him out in a variety of different outfits Uh, if not naked sometimes depends on on the day, depends on the. You know my whim what my whim is, uh. And so I sent him on a fun little expedition out in his backyard, had him in a few different outfits and he took photos for me and we've done this a number of times, you know.
Speaker 1:
After we did that and I posted a picture of his outfits on X, he messaged me again and said Look, I appreciate the time that you spent with me and I'm going to pay for four months of your gym membership. Now I didn't ask him to do that, he offered out of the kindness of his heart. And he said to me you know I appreciate you so much for the things that you do. And he said to me you know I appreciate you so much for the things that you do and you know what I've given him throughout these years is a feeling of belonging, acceptance for the fetish that he enjoys. You know his spouse, who's passed away since around COVID time. You know she didn't know about this side. And his new friend, she doesn't know about his side because they're from different generations.
Speaker 1:
They don't understand that just because you dress up doesn't mean you're gay, conservative women and that, hey, that's fine. They have their likes and dislikes and you know you can still have a beautifully engaging and rewarding relationship with a partner. Just because you don't engage in the fetish doesn't mean that that is not a fundamental part of your life, your experience, I mean he had children with his first wife and his second wife. He's able to engage and go traveling and do different things, but when it comes down to his fetish, different things. But when it comes down to his fetish. I am his outlet and it's something that he appreciates. So never take that person for granted, ever, never take the Dom for granted, and you know what? Here's the thing I understand in my capacity in his life. I understand in my capacity in his life I maybe make up a 10% portion of his life, but that 10% is my 100% effort. I put a lot of effort into that, but I never expect that he will make me 100% in his life and I wouldn't want that.
Speaker 1:
So I suppose the one thing that I want to add to this discussion maybe the last thing right now I could talk about many more secrets to submissive success is about boundaries, and I guess that ties a little bit into the trust side of the discussion. But boundaries are crucial and you need to find a dom who will respect the fact that you might have another life, one that encompasses 80 or 90% of your life, a part of your world that you don't want to erase. It's very important to you, you need that, but that Dom needs to know that she's not going to move into your world 100%. Now let's just say this if you're looking for a 24 seven relationship with a dom, then that's a different story, but I'm talking about the men who interact with a dom, maybe on a part time basis, you know, rack with a dom, maybe on a part-time basis, you know, find a dom who understands that this is an escape and that you will do your very best to be the best submissive you can be for her, but that you do have boundaries, not only in your negotiation, your safe zones, your safety, the limits, the hard soft limits, but the boundary of your life. This is very important. Why do I say it's so important?
Speaker 1:
I say it's so important because there are some doms out there who are looking for multiple slaves 24, seven and you might walk into their life looking for a temporary engagement on a regular basis, but a temporary engagement and the more they become impressed with your submission, the more they may want to possess you. So you have to be very cautious and that's why trust was also. You know, one of my number one discussions is because you have to trust that this woman is not going to destroy your life in exchange for becoming hers completely. And I know a lot of doms. Even I have gone through phases where you know I've decided, yeah, I need to find myself a long-term slave, but you must both be in the same headspace. I've had men say, oh my goodness, why didn't I meet you sooner? I would have married you. And they engage with me as if they want a full-time relationship. And why do I have the impression, or why would I have the impression that they want a full-time relationship here? It is Because they're being dishonest, right. They don't want to talk about their partner, they don't want to say that they're married, and those types of submissives who withhold information put themselves in a very precarious situation because when you have given yourself, submitted, maybe even become a slave owned by that dom.
Speaker 1:
If you start to open up with revelations of well, you know what, I've got a family, that can anger a woman extremely. And if she doesn't, that can anger a woman extremely. And if she doesn't have boundaries, then punishment can be what happens. And some of these women become extremely possessive and when they find out that you've lied, their quick reaction is this man needs to be punished and they will go to many extremes to punish you. So if you have not vetted a dom correctly, if you have not been honest with a dom, if you act desperate and you say desperate things like, and you say desperate things like you are the most incredible dom that I could have ever dreamt of and you start to make promises and you start to act as if you are available and they find out through one means or another that you have been lying to them. All bets are off. I mean the trust is gone, the boundaries have been broken, you have failed as a sub because you've not been upfront and honest.
Speaker 1:
And when you're not upfront and you're not honest in any relationship, you have to understand there are women who get married and their husband cheats on them. I mean it happens to men as well. I'm not just pigeonholing here, but in any relationship, whether it be a DS or a vanilla, when you start to cheat and fool around and start to butter people up so that you can get what you want and you're self-serving and not selfless, the people who you have done this to will naturally be unhappy, and some can let go and some cannot, and many doms are doms because they want to take back their power. You must understand this. They have always maybe felt dominant or there's a majority who have been taken advantage of and they say no more, and this is why they become a dom, because they want to be in charge. They want a submissive. They don't want to put up with people men who treat them like a second class citizen, where the man's needs come first. See, these women want to come first.
Speaker 1:
But when you're dishonest they feel disrespected and when you disrespect a dom it's very dangerous. Some can walk away. I mean, I've dealt with people who have done this and they've not told me everything. The majority of the men don't tell me their real name. But it goes beyond that, it goes into. They don't tell me they have children. They don't tell me they're married. They don't tell me they're married. They are sneaking around behind their wife's back and it's very disconcerting. There are many women who will not engage with a married submissive. A lot of doms like that. And when the dom finds out that you were hiding that secret, you've crossed the line.
Speaker 1:
But anyway, the secret here to being submissive is know what you're getting into right. When you decide that, yes, this is the woman I want to submit to trust her Work within your boundaries, you can push those limits and boundaries physically in the dungeon, but you must always tell her Say, look, I'd like to try this, I'd like to try that and see what she says, because of course she's in charge. Don't talk from the bottom. That's about the most agitating thing to deal with. I know, as a dom, I couldn't stand it. You know, somebody telling me how to tie their hands, you know? I mean, I know how to tie hands, I don't need somebody to tell me. And the thing is, it's not about me knowing better, it's about the fact that that person doesn't trust that I know how to get the job done Right. So that's it for today.
Speaker 1:
I would suggest, if you're looking for a dom, do some research. See how present she is online, read up on her, you know, read her biographies, her bio in FetLife. If she's on FetLife, if she's in the community, if she's just a pro dom, you know what? Don't expect too much. A lot of men came to see me as a pro and they thought that, you know, I would fall in love with them because they just were the best submissive around and to me they were a client, that's it. I could easily separate that connection.
Speaker 1:
And when somebody tries pushing, pushing, pushing and texting and you know, hey, how are you doing today? And wanting to engage without sending a tribute, it's a disrespectful thing to do so, don't do it. And if you find out your dom is looking for a relationship and you're available, then be grateful, ask for an opportunity to prove yourself, give her time. It won't happen overnight. So thank you for listening. Have a wonderful day and I will be talking again very soon. And if you enjoyed some of these tips, give me a tip Practice your submission. Bye for now. Music, music, music, music.
