Can past traumas and insecurities truly be healed through something as unconventional as a chastity cage? Tune in to discover how incorporating BDSM practices like chastity, tease, denial, can dramatically transform the trust and intimacy in your relationship. I discuss the profound impact of addressing emotional baggage and fostering open communication to build a solid foundation of transparency and loyalty. Chastity can serve as a powerful tool to alleviate doubts and fears, offering a gateway to a healthier, more enduring partnership.
Can past traumas and insecurities truly be healed through something as unconventional as a chastity cage? Tune in to discover how incorporating BDSM practices like chastity, tease, denial, can dramatically transform the trust and intimacy in your relationship. I discuss the profound impact of addressing emotional baggage and fostering open communication to build a solid foundation of transparency and loyalty. Chastity can serve as a powerful tool to alleviate doubts and fears, offering a gateway to a healthier, more enduring partnership.
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me, chastity Queen. Thank you so much for subscribing to my podcast and for taking the time to listen, and as well for all of the lovely tributes that I have received from some of my more loyal fans and those who haven't had a chance to provide that to me and would like to. You can go to any of the links here on my podcast for that information, or go to my link tree backwards slash Chastity Queen for that information, or go to my link tree backwards slash chastity queen for that information. And for all of my affiliate discounts one being locked in lust and everything on that website using promo code chastity queen is 15% off, and that's stackable, so take advantage of that discount just by knowing me. Aren't you lucky? Yes, well, I'm very lucky to have you here, and today I want to talk about something that I think needs to be discussed and might be a benefit to anybody that is going through difficulties right now or anything that they might anticipate in the future of their relationship, and that is trust. And what I want to talk to you about today is how to establish trust at the beginning of a relationship, or even reestablishing trust throughout the relationship using a chastity cage. It might seem so ridiculously simple, simple, but it is just that simple. Now I'm going to talk in, uh, you know the view of how I go about my relationship. So, uh, my partner is, uh, a man and he's a cross-dresser and he enjoys humiliation and he enjoys being a cuck and I'm his queen, I'm his keyholder, I'm his dom. So there's a feminine, masculine component, but this can apply to any combination of relationships. So please don't be offended if I talk in he and her.
Speaker 1:
I want to just get the point across about all relationships and how the trust can be established right at the outset. And why would that be? Well, let's get into it. First of all, why would a relationship at the very beginning be something that you would want to establish trust within? Now, trust is, of course, very important within a relationship. It's the core, maybe the foundation of a relationship, maybe the foundation of a relationship, and without trust, it's very difficult to build upon that partnership, and that can include poly relationships, and being transparent is so important. But I want to mention that you know a lot of people come into relationships. I mentioned that you know a lot of people come into relationships, into brand new relationships with baggage Not everybody, but many do and with that baggage comes, and is most often the case, a lack of trust, the expectation that they are going to be disappointed, they're going to be let down, Maybe they're going to be cheated on. And it's very difficult to have a relationship with somebody that has that mindset, even if it's justified, because you're always walking on eggshells. And that's why I think that chastity can come and lend a helping hand per se in both establishing trust as well as reestablishing trust, and I'll get into the reestablishing trust soon.
Speaker 1:
But let's talk about establishing trust. So, for example, you get into a relationship and you obviously find out, you know what happened in your past, what were your previous relationships like, why are you no longer together? And these are things that are just general. You know conversation and it usually comes up now from a female perspective, if a has been mistreated, has been lied to, has been disrespected. It's very hard to wipe off her brain, kind of like a chalkboard. You know, wipe off all that, that writing on the chalkboard, you can't do it. It's not that simple. You wish it could be, but it's always there, sort of in the back of her mind. It's a concern, a fear, somewhat of a paranoia, that this may happen again.
Speaker 1:
And that's not to say you aren't 100% loyal. You might have full intention to be loyal, true and loving, but there's always that lingering doubt. Maybe if you're a little bit late from work, there's a question and then a fight, and nobody likes that kind of discord in a relationship. You know where you feel. You constantly have to prove yourself and you know I don't want to place the blame on the person that feels fragile at all, because they're fragile for a reason you know. Maybe their family life, maybe their home life, their mother and father got a divorce. Maybe they didn't get a divorce but they fought all the time. Maybe their father was a philanderer, maybe their mother was a cheater, who knows what the story is. But our beliefs, in the subconscious of our mind, you know, below the surface, often are triggered by those things, and so when we see similarities in our own relationships, we can revert back to thinking immediately that, well, this is just what happens in relationships, is just what happens in relationships, and sadly that can be very destructive in what could be a fantastic, healthy partnership.
Speaker 1:
You know, you found the woman that you love or the man that you love, but because they have been mistreated or they have ideas about relationships that don't align with something that would be healthy, the chances of the relationship maturing and being maintained for the long haul, for long term, is almost zero. Like a lottery, you know, playing that lottery and hoping that maybe you'll win the million dollars. Majority of the time you don't. You might get two dollars or a buck. You might not win at all. So it makes it very difficult to traverse that relationship together without feeling as if you have to explain yourself all of the time.
Speaker 1:
And it takes the luster, the love, the excitement, the newness out of a relationship that's blossoming and it pours some salt on it. That's blossoming and it pours some salt on it and can make excuses and you can say well, this is why I'm reacting this way. Or maybe your partner says I understand how you might feel that way because of your past and let's make you feel better, et cetera, et cetera. You know I say this. You're in the beginning of your relationship, you want it to work. This person is everything that you've ever wanted and they have some hangups and the biggest one for them is the ability to trust. That's a big one, that's the biggest one actually. It's a make or break situation.
Speaker 1:
If you're a man who has interest in experimentation, maybe you know a little bit about chastity, and this can go for women as well. If the man has trust issues with women because of his past, a woman can be intrigued by chastity and offer that to him as well. This is something that serves more of a purpose in a relationship to establish trust than anything else. Really, it can be an exciting tool. It can be an exciting denial tool. It can be a power play. It can be about who controls when the sex happens, when it doesn't. You know, all of that is exciting.
Speaker 1:
But if you want to establish the fact that you are deeply in love with this person and you're open to wearing a chastity device and making them the key holder because it's the the act of cheating that really would push them over the edge then you can show your love and trust in them by saying here let's find a chastity cage or chastity device that fits, that I can wear on a day-to-day basis comfortably and yes, I still want to have a lot of sex. But here's the key. So when I'm at work, you know I'm locked and some people might say, well, I don't want to go out in public with a chastity cage on. Well, newsflash to all of you. You don't realize this right now, but probably a quarter of the people that you work with under their clothing. There's a cage, there's a device, it has become extremely popular and it is being used as relationship rescue. Now that sounds wild, doesn't it? Relationship rescue using a chastity cage? To me, I think it's pretty simple, really. You put those keys around her neck or around his neck and you say you're in charge of my body, of our intimacy, and you can negotiate the terms. You can say look, you know, when I'm home I want to be unlocked because I want to be able to dominate you, but when I'm at work I'm quite happy to put it on Right and you can use an inescapable device, much like the one that you get at Locked and Lust, called the Vice, and it has the extra ring. As far as female devices, you can do the research. You can read on message boards and go on Reddit, maybe go on FetLife, find out what is the most secure and yet the most comfortable for day to day work. So for a new relationship. I know that it's a lot to think that you would go into it and say, hey, do you want to do chastity? But I think that when the conversation begins about trust and establishing that bond, I think it's fair to bring it up, to mention it about. But you can research it together and you can maybe start with play. You can start to use it now and then during your sexual playtime and see if you enjoy it, and I think that most people would find that they do enjoy it.
Speaker 1:
Men in particular often have this misinformation that a chastity cage hurts or should hurt, and that's not the case. If anything, the chastity cage should be on snugly, but it doesn't have to be so painful really that you can't function. It most definitely can be a seamless situation, and so you know, during the day or at night when you work, you have it on, your partner has the keys. You know you might think, well, if they need me in a chastity cage just to be able to trust me, then I don't want to be in a relationship like that, and you know what. That is definitely a choice that you can make at the beginning. If you meet a person and they have a lot of baggage and they have a lot of concerns and their personality just doesn't match with what you want in your life, then of course you know you pass on that. But oftentimes we meet people that we absolutely adore but they're damaged. But they're not worth throwing away because of that not by a long shot and sometimes it's as easy and as simple as adding something into your partnership. And as simple as adding something into your partnership like a chastity cage.
Speaker 1:
Now I want to talk about reestablishing trust. If you look at the statistics, or even if you look around in your friend circle, how many have gotten a divorce because of an affair? Right, lots tons, you know. Maybe your own parents. They divorced and it becomes nasty now, doesn't it? Maybe they tried couples therapy and that failed miserably and now they're at odds all the time, you know. Or maybe they're not at odds, maybe they're just fractured and there's children in the mix and the children's lives are fractured because of the affair, and affairs can happen on both sides.
Speaker 1:
So it could be a woman, could be a man, I mean. It could be somebody who's trans, a gay couple, I mean. Look, any kind of combination of that. You know, we fall in love with the people that we're in relationships with for a reason, that we're in relationships with for a reason. And as time goes on and how you know life is, responsibilities start to take the luster and the excitement out of the relationship. You know, maybe children are added and that adds another layer of responsibility and oftentimes responsibility makes very little time for sex and sexual playtime and people start to drift apart and maybe they spend so much time with those people at work that they start to engage in a relationship with the person at work.
Speaker 1:
I mean, a lot of the people that I know who have had affairs have ended up with somebody that they've worked with. That's who they have an affair with because they see them every day with. That's who they have an affair with because they see them every day. It's comfortable, it's easy, it's opportune and, as they normative would be to get couples therapy, get family therapy and see if that works. And a lot of times it does. And I'm not saying don't get therapy, I'm not saying that my solution is the ultimate solution, but, along with all of those other things, right.
Speaker 1:
So you've had an affair and you feel horrified about it and you know you've got this wife or this husband, who's really a great person. You fell in love with them for a reason. They're a good dad, they're a good mom, you know. But you're just. You had an affair and you don't know if the marriage is going to survive and you want it to. And when you tell your partner and they're just devastated, you feel so bad and you say to them and this is usually what happens with those who want to stay with their partner please forgive me, I will do whatever it takes to make this better. I will be transparent. You can look at my phone whenever you want. You can look at my phone whenever you want, et cetera, et cetera. But the one thing that you can't do is have them watch you when you're not around them at work, at, you know, sporting events or at family events. Maybe you know they. They work odd hours and they can't always attend. But what you can do is you can say look, I am willing to make you my key holder because I want to protect the thing that I almost destroyed and I want you to be in charge of my body and I want you to trust me and I want this marriage to work and I want our family to be together. You might be surprised that when you give them this option, they accept Many marriages. They you know the two people involved. They don't want it to fracture.
Speaker 1:
That's not what you picture when you're walking up the aisle towards your husband waiting for you, or your wife or your partners, or your wife or your partners. You don't expect or anticipate or dream of a day when you destroy their heart with an affair. None of us ever do. I mean, that would just be sadistic now, wouldn't it? To think that I'm going to get into a partnership just to destroy the person that I claim to love. I mean, unless you're a narcissistic person, psychopath, then you know, put that aside. That's another story. But in general, you know, people want to live a comfortable, harmonious life, in whichever way they picture that life, and so I really do believe that chastity can be a beautiful tool, not only for fun time, for playing, for power exchange, but as a method to establish trust or even reestablish trust, and it could be the method that saves a marriage from completely fracturing.
Speaker 1:
And I will say this I have met a lot of people in the BDSM community and some of these people, of course, have had bad experiences in vanilla land, right, because what happens in vanilla land is there's a certain way things seem to happen and there's a certain way things seem to be dealt with and it seems as if those methods are not successful. You can put in the hard work, but it's just not showing improvement. There are so many fractured relationships and I see a lot of people that come into BDSM because they're fractured to try to help sort through things in a different way, in an alternative method, or flogged, or through chastity, through tease, denial, maybe humiliation all sorts of manners and fetishes that exist really serve, and as a dom, I can tell you this from extensive experience that I have helped so many people go through some deep-seated sadness and abandonment issues through BDSM. I used to call myself the alternative therapist. I know I've mentioned this on my podcast a few times, but I would sit down and have a man sit down in front of me and say consider me an alternative therapist, because I would take their situation and I would dissect it and they would feel comfortable telling me what was going on in their life because you know they had nothing to lose at that point, really, and so I would hear all of these things about their marriage and the difficulties and even their childhood, and I would create the session to help them, to serve as a way to heal. So at the end of our session, after I talked to them, then after we went through the play session, according to what I knew they probably needed, oftentimes I would get a message the next day or even the same day. I would hear from them right after the session just saying you know, I feel so much better now. And that's all it took was to talk about their situation, pinpoint what they needed done and how to do, do it and attack it head on. And I helped a lot of men in their marriages.
Speaker 1:
I know that sounds really strange. They come to see a dom, you know where I tease and deny them or put them in chastity or flog them or or use the cane on them and suddenly everything's okay, right Doesn't make sense. What I would do is this I would give them the perspective of a female. This is sort of what I'm doing for all of you right now From a female's perspective. You need a man to not just penetrate you, because that gets old very quickly. You need a man who looks at you like you are the number one, the most beautiful woman, individual person on the planet, that they only have eyes for you. You know, sort of like that song. And then I would give them tools, like telling them something as simple as start to offer, to massage her, as I mentioned in the last podcast that I just recently uploaded about squirting.
Speaker 1:
Do something around the house for her, make her life easier. Take her out for dinner spontaneously. Bring her flowers, offer your key or, better yet, offer both keys to a chastity cage with a pretty necklace that goes around her neck. Bring in a vibrator into the bedroom. Bring in dildos. I know a lot of men feel, hmm, threatened by a dildo. I don't know why, but some are just downright threatened. It's almost an attack on their masculinity. So be open-minded. Bring in a dildo. Maybe she's uncomfortable with a dildo. Bring in a vibrator, use your fingers, but always start from the outside, in Right. She's a flower. Water her first. Wipe off her leaves. Water her first. Wipe off her leaves. Kiss her petals. Don't start pollinizing her. Treat her like the most beautiful flower that you have ever seen, touched or smelt, and she will open up to you and then she will let you in. So take this to heart. Take these words to heart, take them seriously and try it.
Speaker 1:
And you know what, when a man or a woman cheats in a marriage, that doesn't mean the marriage is over. It really doesn't. It might just be the step into something even better, an awareness, an awakening. I'm not saying that you should cheat. I'm not saying that I agree with people who cheat. But there's usually a reason why people cheat and oftentimes they don't feel enough love within their own relationship. They don't feel enough love within their own relationship. The one that they committed to, the one that they fell in love with at the beginning, doesn't feel the same anymore, and I know that can be a personal thing. So if that person doesn't feel like they're getting enough love, I know that's something within themselves. You can't blame others for why you feel a certain way. Only we can change our experience.
Speaker 1:
So if you feel unloved right now, as I said to many men, go home and tell them I love you, I want us to be closer. What can I do to make this better? I don't think there's any partner on the planet that would not sit down and say, wow, thank you so much for being thoughtful. Let's make this better. So you know, chastity serves many purposes. And this is just another reason why I love chastity so much, because I know that it has helped many marriages to stay alive and not crumble. I know that it's been good for relationships in BDSM, and this is why I know this, because people have been able to reestablish that beautiful thing called trust.
Speaker 1:
Looking outside of the box, outside of that vanilla box, you know, maybe they realized, hey, I want to explore being in a poly relationship. They find out their partner is open to it, as long as everybody's transparent. You see, it's the lie. That's the worst part, almost more so than the cheating. It's the worst part, almost more so than the cheating. It's the lying, it's the hiding, it's feeling that loss of love from that partner who cheated and feeling as if somebody else is more deserving of you. And that's painful.
Speaker 1:
But you need to at some point say look, how can I make my relationship, my life, a better one, and sometimes it means finding somebody else at the end of the day. But always try your darndest, your hardest to always try your darndest, your hardest in the relationship that you're in first, so that you can never look back and say I have regrets, I should have done this, I should have done that, and if you put in as much effort as you possibly can, then you can say with an open heart that you can move on to another relationship. Anyway, that is my episode for today. Chastity cages are are fun. You can establish trust and you can reestablish trust with a Chastity Cage and other work as well. So I hope you enjoy this episode and if you need to get yourself a cage, I've got affiliations with a few companies and you can go to my link tree backwards slash Chastity Queen for that information to get your discounts. So have a wonderful day and stay happy. Bye, thank you.
