How does one transition from a strict religious upbringing to becoming a professional dominant in the BDSM world? Join me, Chastity Queen, as I share my unique journey of personal and sexual evolution. This episode promises to offer you practical advice on how to connect with the BDSM community and explore your fetishes. I dive into my transformation from an extreme vanilla background to embracing the diverse and complex world of BDSM, with an emphasis on open-mindedness and challenging societal norms. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire you to question your own biases and embrace a broader spectrum of sexual expression.
Discover how online communities like FetLife can be a game-changer for your sexual self-discovery. Platforms that offer free access to connect with like-minded individuals are essential tools for those exploring their fetishes. I recount my own experience of overcoming a conservative upbringing and finding solace in these communities. We also touch on the positive impact of subscriptions, not only for the creators but for the subscribers who get enriched content, creating a space of mutual support and growth. Keeping an open mind and respectfully engaging with different lifestyles can enrich your journey, just as it has enriched mine.
Connect with me on FetLife UNDER CHASTITY-QUEEN for further discussions and use the promo code CHASTITYQUEEN for15% OFF at Locked In Lust for added benefits on chastity products. Tune in for a comprehensive exploration of BDSM, personal growth, and the ever-expanding world of sexual expression.
How does one transition from a strict religious upbringing to becoming a professional dominant in the BDSM world? Join me, Chastity Queen, as I share my unique journey of personal and sexual evolution. This episode promises to offer you practical advice on how to connect with the BDSM community and explore your fetishes. I dive into my transformation from an extreme vanilla background to embracing the diverse and complex world of BDSM, with an emphasis on open-mindedness and challenging societal norms. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire you to question your own biases and embrace a broader spectrum of sexual expression.
Discover how online communities like FetLife can be a game-changer for your sexual self-discovery. Platforms that offer free access to connect with like-minded individuals are essential tools for those exploring their fetishes. I recount my own experience of overcoming a conservative upbringing and finding solace in these communities. We also touch on the positive impact of subscriptions, not only for the creators but for the subscribers who get enriched content, creating a space of mutual support and growth. Keeping an open mind and respectfully engaging with different lifestyles can enrich your journey, just as it has enriched mine.
Connect with me on FetLife UNDER CHASTITY-QUEEN for further discussions and use the promo code CHASTITYQUEEN for15% OFF at Locked In Lust for added benefits on chastity products. Tune in for a comprehensive exploration of BDSM, personal growth, and the ever-expanding world of sexual expression.
Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me, chastity Queen. Today I want to just go through discussing how to connect with your BDSM community and I'm going to give you some advice, and I'm going to give you some suggestions, all of which you can either take or not take. That is completely up to you and your interest in furthering your exploration of your fetishes, in furthering your exploration of your fetishes and BDSM. So, as you may or may not know, I was a professional dominant for many years and before that, I explored a variety of things within my marriage, so I understand the evolution of going from extreme vanilla to extreme BDSM. So, on that wide spectrum, I have done it, and so this is why I feel that I can give you my perspective and it can give you some things to think about in regards to your relationship or relationships and the way that you traverse through sexuality, your interests and maybe some new blossoming fetishes that you have recently realized or maybe have suppressed for many years and want to explore because they're becoming more acceptable, more mainstream and, you know, as we are living in a society with so much self expression and identity expression, sexuality and discussion, open dialogue, where there used to be very little of that. I think that it was more of the whispers and secret discussions you know amidst and amongst your friend group and maybe joking, hoping that something might stick, and maybe somebody will appear to be also engaged or interested in the similar type of interests that peak yours. So how sexuality is communicated now and the resources that people have online are just so immense that the information is literally at your fingertips, and I know that a lot of people suffer from some information overload. But I can make things quite simple for you in a few areas. I know that with my podcast I've been able to cover a lot of material you can listen to that, you can subscribe for additional episodes, you can relax in some of my hypnosis. That is where you can start to understand where your expansion, your mental expansion in your sexual nature has begun by learning, by absorbing, by being open-minded, by maybe questioning your own biases right, I mean, I had biases as well.
Speaker 1:
At the beginning of my exploration with my husband. You know we got married in this religion that was extremely restrictive and sexually repressing. There were certain things you couldn't do even in a marriage. You couldn't do oral sex. Even in a marriage you couldn't do oral sex, you could not do anal sex. What else? No sex before marriage, no masturbation.
Speaker 1:
And so you know, when you come out of that sort of environment and I mean it was a gradual process for me because I'm fourth generation within that religion and so you know, my whole family dynamic for decades has been part of, you know, that mindset, that religious mindset, and along with that comes some biases against sexual acts. So you know, homosexuality was something that I was always taught was wrong and it was against everything that the Bible stood for. And you know, as I grew out of the religion, I realized the fallacies of a lot of those teachings that were pretty much, you know, uh, nailed into my head constantly, and how it can edge on not just a bias but it can edge on being hateful. So you have to be very cautious and careful. And uh, so when the marriage started to open up, I explored gosh, I explored a sex club, I went on their message boards and chit chatted with some people, and we went out for dinner with another couple and talked about their experiences and how they navigated through it and some of the pros, some of the cons, and you know it started to take the shame and the biases that I had and it started to stamp them out like a little fire. You know you stamp it out or you take a blanket to it and then you have a moment of clarity where you think, okay, I'm no longer uneducated on that subject and you start to research, you start to read, you start to discuss with other people and you start to elevate your mind. It starts to open further and further. It's not just from one moment to the next. You go from closed mind to open mind. Right, it's a slow, gradual process. It's almost as if the door is slowly opening. And here's the question when the door is wide open, then you know what path do you take.
Speaker 1:
And if you don't understand from an early age, through puberty, what interests you, maybe what novels you read or what sex you're more interested in. As far as gender, like you know who you're more romantically inclined towards. Maybe you're not romantically inclined and you've never understood it. Or maybe you're only romantically inclined but not sexually inclined. And there's a place for everybody. And that's the thing about being in a very static environment with religion, as I was. It's either one way or another. You're either doing the right thing or the wrong thing. It's very black and white, and so when you get into this path where there's all of these beautiful rainbow colors that you can choose from the variety you know and you don't have to just pick one. You can pick, you know, purple and green and orange, or you can pick yellow and red, you know. Or you can pick all of the colors or you can just pick one. I mean, it varies for each person, but when you're not taught that, when you're not given those tools, it's very difficult.
Speaker 1:
So what I wanted to say today and I want to keep it kind of clear sometimes I can go on a tangent. As you all know, I get very worked up or very excited about subjects and I like to start to delve into the emotions of things. But what I think is the most important thing to do is this thing to do is this there's nothing wrong with how you were raised. You don't need to demonize your past. You need to learn from your past and you know, as children growing up in a family, you're given certain tools and that's it right. Maybe you're given a hammer and a nail, but you've never used a screwdriver in your life because your family just has never used screwdrivers. And so you get my point right Like you're given a set of tools and that's it.
Speaker 1:
And when you come to an understanding of your body, of your sexuality, and you start to understand that you're feeling certain things and you move out of that childhood into you know, and through your hormonal stage and you get into adulthood, you might make some decisions in your life that aren't going to make any sense when you're 30. Right, so you move out of the house, maybe you marry somebody. You have a very heterosexual vanilla existence because you never learned about subjects such as dominance submission, about subjects such as dominance submission, maybe even being a switch. You don't know those terms. You don't even know the term vanilla. I mean, I didn't, until I got into BDSM and somebody mentioned vanilla and I thought they were talking about ice cream. Right Now I know what it means. I mean there's nothing wrong with vanilla ice cream, but for me, vanilla sex serves a purpose, but it stops short of anything extensive and exciting for me. I like to test the boundaries of emotion and power exchange. So how do you do that? How do you start to go from your past, which might've been more conservative into exploration of new worlds. Let's just call it that new worlds.
Speaker 1:
Well, you know, some people will tell you when you go online they're going to say, okay, well, you want to learn about it, you need to pay for an app. You need to pay to be part of a social platform. You know, um, you need to be paying a subscription, and I'm not talking about a podcast. I think that they serve a good purpose and, of course, I have one. So I don't want to degrade it too much because I'd love for everybody to subscribe to my podcast. I really would.
Speaker 1:
I think if I had more people subscribing, I would definitely push the pedal to the metal and go full throttle Right now. I'd say that you know I have over 100,000 people listening and downloading my free episodes. You know I have over 100,000 people listening and downloading my free episodes. You know I might have 1% subscribing and I will continue to produce and promote and discuss and, you know, share my story with all of you, my story with all of you. But it's definitely very enriching and exciting when you have a good fan base that dedicates their $6 a month to subscribe to me. You know, and it makes me feel great, it makes me feel like I'm doing something good.
Speaker 1:
So, while I'm, I'm quite happy for people to enjoy the free content that's, it's there for you to enjoy um, as this one is, I really do believe that subscription um is something that not only helps me, but it's also a show of a display of servitude, of worship. You know, and I appreciate it. Anyway, what I'm talking about basically are communities that expect you to subscribe, and I think that the BDSM community and there are some sites that are free. For example, I want to talk about FetLife, and I'm not affiliated with FetLife, but I am definitely often mentioning FetLife and that's because I know from personal experience. Even when I opened up to my sexuality and asking questions and exploring, I went on to sex club message boards and they're often free, which is great. But there are some other sites that want you to pay a subscription fee to meet like-minded people.
Speaker 1:
But the thing is, how do you know you're like-minded until you realize what is in your mind, and I think that it's important that you explore the avenues that are without a cost. And Fat Life is great because you can go on there and you can connect with other people. You can go in and look up at different events in your area. You can join groups and you can explore photos and fetishes and I think that that's a very visceral way for you to find out what excites you. So don't go in with a well, I don't like this and I don't like that attitude. Sometimes it's hard to get out of that. You know mental routine of shutting things down. Don't do that. Be open-minded, you know. Open the door a little bit and just peek through.
Speaker 1:
Just because you are intrigued by something doesn't mean you're going to end up engaging in that. It just means that you are an inquisitive person and you want to explore not only your own sexuality but you're finding interest in others and that's a very unselfish way to be. I found things super exciting when I first went on FetLife. I did and I started off by not showing my face. Even Bunny remembers when. So my slave Bunny remembers that when we first met, when he went on my profile, there were zero face photos of me. I was very nervous.
Speaker 1:
It was a very tenuous thing for me because I come from so I still come from an extremely conservative not just conservative, extremely conservative background, something that I was raised in. It doesn't mean that's how I was Like. I would sit in those meetings, in those Bible meetings and there were three per week on top of preaching, studying the Bible, studying the Bible, literature, all of that. And I would sit there, even as a child, and I thought these people are preaching that being gay is bad, and they would have their own publications that would even discuss it further, so they put their own words to that and then they attach a scripture and say well, that's why and I knew for a fact that that just didn't seem like something loving, it didn't seem right to me. It never did.
Speaker 1:
That being said, everybody, my whole circle of family and friends, were within that religion and to discuss it openly with anybody would have been taboo to begin with. So these things were kept in my mind, these were kept in my heart, in my head, and I never felt I had a safe space to explore, to research, to discuss. And when I started to realize as an adult, as a woman, and when I started to realize as an adult, as a woman, that my husband was open-minded and more liberal about things, even though he was also in the religion, we could explore things together, we could start to wonder well, is this how we would want to raise our family? And with a resounding no. That's when we started to completely fade out, because I didn't want them to be sitting in that Bible meeting feeling restricted and restrained and repressed like I was or as my husband was or as my husband was.
Speaker 1:
So going into FetLife was wonderful and you know, I would see certain things and wonder what is that all about? And I would send a message to somebody and say I'm very interested in this. Or maybe there would be a photo and I couldn't wrap my head around it and I'd ask a question in the comments, keeping it respectful, of course, right, you don't want to spread ignorance in your comments, right? So I would inquire. Or if it was something that wasn't appropriate to inquire about publicly in the comments, I would privately go and ask and say, respectfully, I'm just curious about your lifestyle. One woman, for example, was into being human trash and there is a fetish for it and it's basically, there's a variety of ways that you can approach it and there's a variety of ways that people do approach it, and she literally wanted to feel like she was a piece of paper thrown into the dumpster and degraded, and to me I just I couldn't wrap my head around it, but I wanted to, and I think that's a distinct difference.
Speaker 1:
When you want to understand something and you're not just judging right, take judgment out of your research. So when you want to learn more about yourself, you want to explore, take the judgment out of it. And that's where extreme religions go too far is that they think that they have the right to judge because they have the Bible in their hand, or their minister, their preacher, their clergy has told them that that's bad. If you do X, y, z, you're going to die in hell or you're going to die at Armageddon. There's a distinct difference. So don't judge.
Speaker 1:
Go into FetLife. It's free to join. There is an option to purchase videos, but I've, I've been gifted that option. But you don't need the videos to learn. Seriously, there's so many images, there's so many groups, there are so many communities. There are munches you can go to. A munch is pretty much like a non-fetish experience. So you go somewhere to a bar, a pub, whatever, a restaurant and you meet up just in street clothes, normal stuff, and it's private sort of. Sometimes it's in a separate room and you sit and you talk about fetishes and you say you're new and you meet people and you network, you interact, and it's very eyeopening and enlightening.
Speaker 1:
You know, the first one that my husband and I went to, we thought, well, there's going to be all these like really kinky looking people and they're going to be, you know, absolutely gorgeous. And you know, I hope we measure up and you get there. And this little fantasy that you have in your head of these, these naughty kinksters, you know, um, it just flushes. Because it just flushes down the toilet, literally, because it's just you and I, because it's just you and I, right, like anybody can fit into that. There's no specific type, right, and I think we get so caught up in types, but anyway, so, um, this girl, you know, I messaged her about the trash, right, and she really did enlighten me on it and I understood Very, very intelligent woman. She just liked to be degraded, you know, in her playtime. It was her playtime and that's what she liked to play. It's kind of like when you were little and you played, you know, I don't know cops and robbers, right, some of us wanted to be the cop, some of us want to be the robber, similar, it's playtime.
Speaker 1:
So another way that you can educate yourself is once you get some interactions and conversations happening. You know, I mean, I talk to more people than just that woman. I had questions for a lot of people. I talked to a lot of mistresses in my area. In my area, and you know, there's groups of mistresses that get together and talk and have their own, uh, interactions. They may include their slaves, right, um, I was part of a collective of doms and you know, uh, we would have events where the slaves were there to serve us, to make dinner or to bring drinks and snacks, and otherwise they stayed out of the room Unless they were invited in to maybe introduce themselves, share with the doms what they are looking for, share with the doms what they are looking for, and then they would be sent on their way. As we continue to discuss a variety of topics and that was eye-opening.
Speaker 1:
I started to inquire about having mentors, and you can usually find in your own community the women that are quite active in the different events that are taking place and you can chat with them, you can introduce yourself respectfully and say you're just beginning in the lifestyle, and many of them will spend some time with you to answer questions or direct you in a certain area to learn, maybe, a different skill. If you want to learn flogging, I learned a few different techniques actually from a local switch, a man who identifies as bisexual, as a sissy, and a switch and, um, you know, he had experience with vloggers. I met him at a party and it kind of expanded from there. I think that you have to really put yourself out there and socialize. The skill of socializing were, in a sense, robbed of that chance, the tools to interact face-to-face with people. And you actually have to go to events to have that interaction. And the only way in BDSM to get to those events is by going to munches, getting to know people, introducing yourself, becoming vetted, you know, by people within the community so they actually see a face behind the profile and then they say, yeah, I met you at a munch. So of course you can come to this rope event or this BDSM event or this party that's happening on such and such a day, and so you have to really put yourself out there and it will expand. The more interest that you put into that it expands.
Speaker 1:
And so with my friend, because I knew him through a party and he was going to another party, we met up and I asked him to teach me how to flog, because he had years of experience. How to flog because he had years of experience. And boy oh boy, did he teach me through being a spectator. I watched him and then he would hand me his flogger and say, okay, try it on the cross without a person right. Or try it with your partner. So with bunny um, for example. Um, I would put on a corset on him and have him dress up and the corset serves as protection.
Speaker 1:
So in those unsafe zones on the body, you can practice avoiding those areas. But if, by chance, you do hit a certain area that is part of the unsafe zone as you're learning, your instructor, your mentor, can say, hey, you see what you did, you just hit that area. So the person who's the bottom is protected as you learn. So you don't feel absolutely distraught by hurting somebody and they aren't hurt because there have been safeties put into place. And same with rope Watch people do it. Learn how to do the knots, learn where to tie, learn where not to tie, learn how much space needs to be between the skin and the rope right, all of these intricate details that you need to learn.
Speaker 1:
Another thing that I learned from another mentor of mine, dom. Something that frightened me and I know I've talked about it in my other podcasts is urethral sounding. But learning from watching and getting through that squeamish feeling and realizing that for some men it's pleasurable and for many women it's about control controlling a man I was able to open that mind of mine even just a little bit more to let some more light in. And even though it made me squeamish to watch, as I got comfortable and I understood the dynamics of it and I understood the methods, the safe methods that you're not going to hurt somebody. If you do it this way, right, the safe way, using a lot of lube, then your mind expands and then something that initially was frightening or nerve wracking to consider is something that I'm quite comfortable in doing now. I'm actually quite good at it, I enjoy it. It doesn't make me squeamish.
Speaker 1:
A lot of my pro sessions were urethral sounding. Even electric Electric frightened me, but it was exciting all at once. I think part of the fear can be turned into excitement quite quickly. Fear and excitement can be very symbiotic, very symbiotic. And when you let go of the fear and you introduce understanding, there can be quite an expansion of your sexuality and I found that with FetLife. So it's F-E-T-L-I-F-E FetLife.
Speaker 1:
Go on there, you can. If you'd like, if you're new to this, you can go on and you can friend me. I will just say up front and I've said this before I'm not in FetLife every single day. I might go for a stretch of 10 days, depends what I'm doing, what I'm involved in, and I may not go in. So if you send me a message and you don't hear from me in 10 days, don't block me because you think I'm ignoring you. I'm not. I'm just busy Life, busy Life. You know, that's it. It's simple as that.
Speaker 1:
And lately, just to update you, I have been going to the fitness center pretty much every day. I'm trying to get a handle on my health. My health isn't terrible, but a few oh gosh. Well, maybe more than a few months ago, I was given the news that I was pre-diabetic and I have stopped pretty much all sugar in my diet and avoided carbs to the best of my ability probably 80% less carbs in my diet. And I've had to add in physical fitness because I think that that is really crucial for mental health, and my sugar levels have gone down. I'm no longer pre diabetic, but I needed to expand my health and I needed to do it because I've had to cut the cord with my family. It's been very difficult and the only way to manage that mentally is by going to the gym and by getting fit. So it you know it's a process, it takes time, like anything. It takes time.
Speaker 1:
So I, at the end of the day, I may not have time to go into FetLife, but I will try to check in once a week and you know, see what's going on. But by no means take it as an offense if I don't respond. I love making new friends on there and if you send a friend request I will probably add you. So if I've added you, then just expect that that's a positive thing. Yeah, so on MyFetLife, you can go to my About Me and read a little bit about me.
Speaker 1:
You can also look at my top 10 results from the BDSM testorg. Now that's also a free test you can take and it will evolve as you explore and learn more about BDSM. You can take it and sort of get an idea of where you're at right now. An idea of where you're at right now and just you know answer as honestly as possible. There's no expectation, just answer. And you might shock yourself as to some of your answers. Um, you might be shocked by the results, but don't be. Uh, you're going to grow and learn through time and every year or so I take a new test at bdsmtestorg to see where I am, if anything's changed. It's pretty interesting when you do that, so don't expect that. You know you're going to take one test and that's who you are, who you are right.
Speaker 1:
We're fluid in life. Experiences sometimes change us. The people we meet change us, the partners we have change us, and sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But use this as a tool to better yourself. And my top 10 results are this 100% master, mistress. 100% dominant. 100% rigger, which means roper or tying somebody up 100% degrader. 98%. Primal or hunter 94%. Owner. 94% sadist. 84% exhibitionist. 76%. Experimentalist. 72%. Brat tamer. When I first started I wanted nothing to do with brats. Now I'm quite comfortable and confident in my abilities to tame a brat. I will go there.
Speaker 1:
There was a time when I wouldn't deal with a brat, another one degrader. 100% degrader. There was a time when I did not degrade anybody. I didn't understand it, I didn't think it was nice. But now I understand it's a form of role play and it turns some people on to be degraded and now it turns me on to degrade others who are consensually asking for that. For me it has to be ethical. I know some people say well, not everything can be ethical. You know what? For me it is. If you are into something and I'm into it and we consent to do it together, I don't feel like it's a bad thing. I think it's mutually beneficial.
Speaker 1:
And some of the things that really intrigued me at the beginning of my exploration process was seeing men being degraded by women. It made me chuckle, it amused me, and then I asked myself well, why would they put themselves in that predicament? They must be doing it because they're enjoying it. They must do it for a reason, right, and I'm a very inquisitive person. So I had to find out why. You know why, and I found answers, and each person has a different reason really. But at the base level, it's about getting turned on sexually and for them, worshipping a queen and being degraded is the greatest act of servitude for them. And when I did my processions, degradation was the most fun. I absolutely had a blast and I found that we became a lot closer after the session because you're allowed to laugh at each other.
Speaker 1:
You know it's lighthearted, even if it doesn't seem it is, even though it may not seem as if it is it's fun, may not seem as if it is it's fun, right? Golden showers, I mean, I did so many of those and it was about marking somebody, about putting them in their place. I would never do that to somebody who didn't want it, because that's not a turn on for me. It has to be mutually acceptable and enjoyable. As a mistress. It's funny, you know, when you look at sadists right on my list, 94% sadist. That result would scare some people Because the idea of sadistic behavior sort of falls under a whole other category for some people. But not all sadists are the same and most sadists do have a heart. But in the role play of sadist and masochist, you know, it might be pain play, might be verbal humiliation, sadistic humiliation, sadistic degradation. There has to be a mutual enjoyment of that. So I'm not going to go out and be sadistic to somebody on the street, right, because I'm not a psycho and I think that a lot of people relate sadism with psycho, right, oh, she must be psychotic. It's just not the way it is.
Speaker 1:
And are there, you know, psychopaths in BDSM? Sure there are, but there's psychopaths in the catholic church. There are psychopaths in corporate america. There's psychopaths anywhere. They like to hide and then rear their ugly, little psychopathic heads, when a person least expects it and never asks for it. There are parents who are psychopaths, you know.
Speaker 1:
So you have to be very careful about putting somebody into a box. Well, she's a sadist, so you have to be very careful about putting somebody into a box. Well, she's a sadist, so she must be psychopath. And I've had that happen to me. People think, oh well, she must be a mean bitch, right? Well, I could be a mean bitch in the sense of role play, but I'm not a mean bitch in general in public. You know, as a parent, as a member of society, I'm just not. I don't need to be. I have more control than that. And I think that's where it's important to remember that those who lack the ability to control their behavior are not in charge. They should not be in charge ever, and that's why education and learning are so important.
Speaker 1:
Go to the free sites that offer that, where there's community, where people live the lifestyle. Yeah, I was a pro, but I was also in the lifestyle as well, and that gave me a good balance, because you need to understand that this is more than just you know a job. A lot of women get into it because, oh, I can make money making fun of men. That's just a little bit too simplistic in my opinion. You need to know what it's all about. You need to understand behavior. You need to understand why you're behaving this way, why you want to behave this way, before you start behaving this way because you don't want to behave badly, right?
Speaker 1:
So, anyway, that's my podcast today. It will be available for anybody to listen to. If you'd like to subscribe, I would really appreciate it. If you haven't yet subscribed, please do. It's not very expensive $6 a month and you're going to get some exclusive content that isn't free to just anybody, and I will share my experiences. I have many experiences that I like to share and you can learn, you can expand your mind and you can realize how to do this the right way, right? So I hope I'm a good teacher. That's what my goal is to be purposeful and loving and guiding in the proper manner, not being haphazard. Manner, not being haphazard. So thank you so much for listening. Definitely go to Locked in Lust. There are lots of sales right now on Locked in Lust and you can get 15% off. It's stackable using promo code CHASTITYQUEEN. All in caps, all one word CHASTITYQUEEN. And if you're locked up right now, excellent.
Speaker 1:
I love chastity. And you know what? Just because I came from a repressed background, that's not the reason why I love chastity. I love chastity for the right reasons. I love it because it's about power exchange. It's about men giving themselves to female dominance, giving the power to me, trusting me with your sexuality and enjoying denial. So continue in chastity. If you don't have one, buy one. Go to Locked in Lust. You'll find many different varieties of cages to please me. And if you join FetLife, go to chastity-queen. You'll see my photo there. Add me as a friend and I will accept. Don't forget to use promo code chastityqueen. No-transcript.
