What is the Difference Between a Submissive, Pet and Slave? + PERSONAL STORIES

Hello dear subscribers!

Ever found yourself curious about the fine lines separating submissive, slave, and pet roles in the BDSM community? You're in luck! Join me, Chastity Queen, as I unpack the dynamics of these roles. You'll learn how freedom and responsibilities  are balanced within these relationships and why clear expectations and negotiation are paramount.

In this episode of "Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered," I share personal experiences that highlight the importance of patience and gradual progression in BDSM D/s dynamics.  I will recount a heartwarming story of a submissive enhancing our bond through acts of service and pampering, illuminating how these gestures strengthen relationships. Listen in for practical insights and real-life anecdotes that will guide you in building respectful and rewarding BDSM partnerships.

Chastity IS Freedom.

Chastity Queen

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:03

Thank you for tuning in to Diaries of a Dom, plus questions answered with me. Chastity Queen, thank you for tuning in and thank you for being my loyal subscriber. I really appreciate it. Today I want to talk about the difference between a submissive, a slave and a pet. This is something that a lot of people question. They wonder what the difference is for a dom to own a pet, a sub or a slave, or is there a difference? And essentially all three are submissive? But there's a variety of degrees in that submission and when we talk about submission, we can also talk about what is the level of independent freedom, that a person has, autonomy, and you are considering the different fetishes and you are considering being submissive.

Speaker 1 1:37

A lot of times people don't know where they fall into place, and some do. Some know immediately that they want to be completely reliant on their femdom or their master and they want to give all of that respect and all of the decision-making to their master, to their dom, to their femdom, and that can be pretty direct and a person who is aware of this is usually in tune to what they want and how they want it and they're able to come to that conclusion. Simply, they're able to come to that conclusion simply, but I will say this much submissives and pets, or even adult babies, anybody with a fetish per se that would like to have somebody lead them may have a varied way of interacting. It may be varied because of their specific work environment. Maybe they work a lot and they only have a certain amount of playtime. So a lot of it has to do with how much time do I have to give to my dom, to my master, to my femdom, femdom? And if you don't have a lot of time, it's very difficult to fall into the category of a slave with a dom, master, femdom who wants somebody as their slave. You see, it's all encompassing being a slave. It's about giving everything, all of yourself, and that doesn't mean you still don't have a certain amount of freedom, but that's something that's decided upon between you and your master, and then you can negotiate those terms and then you must fall in line. Now I would also say that when you decide to get into a partnership with a pet or a submissive, it is still important to negotiate and discuss the level of interaction, the expectations, the desires, and to go into that with open eyes sides.

Speaker 1 4:33

So I've had subs who demand a lot of my attention and so what they are more interested in receiving would be a slave master type relationship, and if I have not agreed to that, it's very annoying to be constantly contacted, interacted with begged for attention, mad at me. You know, sometimes they get mad at me because I've not responded quickly enough and there's a friction there that is created because I look at them as a submissive, which is sort of like a part-time slave in a way, and they want the whole package, and getting the whole package requires a lot more effort on their part. You know, a lot more effort on their part. You know, are they doing things for me? Are they tributing me, you know? Are they taking care of me? Are they pampering me? Are they working hard so that they can pamper me? Or are they just at home, bored with time on their hands and wanting to interact and have a spam conversation when I have other things to do? You know, I've got a podcast to do, I've got so many different websites I have to check into and I have to respond to messages into, and I have to respond to messages and I have online work that I enjoy doing and takes my time when I have an individual who is claiming to be my submissive or my pet, knowing that I don't have all of the time in the day for them, and they start to demand all of my time in the day for them Because they're assuming that, well, you're a dom, that's what you want. Well, they're foolishly mistaken and I will cut that relationship off. So there's a definite balance that needs to be maintained. And checking in, you know, am I texting too much? Am I demanding too much of you? Oh, I'm sorry, mistress, am I catching you at a bad time?

Speaker 1 7:00

You see, the main factor that many subs, pets and slaves need to learn is this one word, which is respect. Have respect for her time, be grateful for her time, just as a master or a mistress or a femdom has respect for a slave who has a desire to do their bidding, whatever they ask, because they trust that that master, that dom, has their best interests at heart, and maybe the best interest of a slave is for them to have some free time. You don't want to be lording it over somebody just because you carry the title master, mistress or femdom and then get angry at them. So there's two sides of the coin. Right there's the submissive, or the pet or the subordinate, who can get angry because they're not being given the attention that they really desire. And the same goes for a master mistress. You know they can get angry too because, well, you're my submissive, you should do everything I say Well, no, that's not the role of a submissive, that's the role of a slave.

Speaker 1 8:35

And even with a slave, you need to learn and use that term respect, respect each other. It's so fundamental. When you have that mutual respect, the understanding, the pre-negotiation, then there will be some kinks that need to be ironed out. Of course, at the beginning of any relationship there's going to be, you know, ups and downs and you can iron those things out and you can go back to the drawing table and you can say, look, we need to adjust this because you know I'm so busy this time of day I just can't respond quickly to you. Or you know mistress is busy this time of day. Can we just, you know, reconvene and put our heads back together at dinnertime, you know, whatever the case might be.

Speaker 1 9:27

So a sub, a pet, anything that is not slave, is usually more of a part-time experience. It's not something that you would be engaging in 24-7. And with a slave. They expect that if you need them at 2 in the morning, if there's an emergency, you could reach out and they would be available. Right, it's a slave. And if a master is reasonable and respectful, maybe knows that their slave is working the night shift, then as a mature person, individual master, you could call somebody else. Just let them know what's all different kind of variety of things that you can do, but it's always individual to the arrangement, to the relationship, to the specifics, and so you can't just put everything into a cookie cutter answer well, this is what a slave does. They do everything. I say, no matter what it is. A submissive can't be a slave because they're not as integrated into your life and that's not always the case.

Speaker 1 10:52

What can happen is a pet, a submissive, anybody in a different fetish style that only has a certain amount of time to dedicate to their submission. They may be in a position where they want to up the ante and they want to become a slave and they want to train towards that, and that's a quite a common thing to happen as well. And you know I have a lot of people saying to me well, and you know I have a lot of people saying to me oh, chastity Queen, I know you've got a bunch of keys. Do you want to be my key holder? Can you train me? And that's a very general, very honest question to ask. I mean, of course that's what somebody would say. Of course that's what somebody would say.

Speaker 1 11:47

But I think it's very important that we don't just immediately go from zero to 100 miles per hour in getting to know somebody. I think you need to go a little bit slowly, take it slowly and then feel it out. You know, is she looking for? Then feel it out, you know, is she looking for another chastity slave? Does she want a slave? Does she want a sub? Is she busy right now? You know, and will that change? I can say honestly for myself right now, I always like to get a key, don't get me wrong. I like to know that I'm holding on to somebody's chastity, but I have to see some work in behind that. I just can't be handed a key.

Speaker 1 12:35

I mean, I had a man asked to meet with me. This is a few years ago and he's in the community. This is a few years ago and he's in the community. And I said, okay, let's go for coffee, just to get to know him, to understand where he's at, to sort of see what I'm doing and to just have a nice coffee, right. So we get into the coffee shop, sit down, before we even get started he pulls something out of his pocket and I know you probably figured it out, I mean, pulls out this stinking lock and key and says will you be my key holder? You know, it's like giving somebody an engagement ring on the first coffee date. It's absolutely dumbfounding. It really is. It's absolutely ridiculous. Who would do that and who would expect a yes? Right, of course I did not say yes and that's why I don't quickly say yes to anybody who just offers me a key, because I've had a lot offer. Then I'll say okay. So these are some of the things that I expect.

Speaker 1 13:59

I like to be taken care of. No, I'm not a fin dom, but I'm still a fem dom and I want to see that you are a submissive man. And some of the easiest ways to start to do that, to express that, to show that submission, is to do something uncomfortable. And what is the most uncomfortable thing to do? And what is the most uncomfortable thing to do? Give something to that woman, pamper her, and I know some would say, oh, that's not hard at all. But at the beginning of any relationship it is difficult because you think, well, maybe she's a scammer, this, that and the other, maybe you've been scammed in the past. But when you look at my profile, you look at the work I've done, you look at my podcast, my experiences, you know I'm flesh, blood and bones. I am a living, breathing queen. And so, offering me a manicure pedicure, you know, maybe a treat so that I can go buy myself my sugar-free chocolates, you know, or a workout outfit, because lately I've been working out.

Speaker 1 15:24

I have one man who you know. I asked him for new shoes because I had interacted with him a little bit online. We've known each other for a while and I scratch his back, he scratches mine. He said how can I make you happy? Today, after I had a long interaction with him, that shows respect. I didn't even have to ask him. He said how can I make you happy? And I said, well, I need a new pair of running shoes for the gym. And he said, well, how much do you need? And I told him Not only did he meet that request, but he exceeded it.

Speaker 1 16:03

I asked him for X amount of dollars. He gave me X plus another chunk, and I went to the store, I searched around and I found a pair of shoes that matched the amount that he sent me and I sent him a picture. I didn't have to send him a picture, but that's just my style, you know. I'm grateful, so I like to send a picture and say, hey, look, look what you did for me today. I feel great. And every time I go to the gym I look down at my feet and who comes to mind it's him, and all I feel is gratitude, absolute gratitude.

Speaker 1 16:43

And yes, that was a financial exchange, but you know I do a lot for him as far as bringing out his submissive tendencies, his side that is more of a cross-dressed, feminized, task-driven man, and so I bring that out of him and he wants to appreciate me and that's how he does it and that's how I get back what I give. I appreciate it having him do some tasks, dress up in specific color of panties and outfits and pose in certain ways and certain positions, and you know we were doing that for quite a while. And then I had to go to bed and he said to me I know you're exercising right now and you've got a gym membership. I'm going to gift you four months of the gym membership. Now I can say honestly, I was blown away. I never asked for a thing.

Speaker 1 17:55

You know, it's that type of servitude that just knocks my socks off. I notice it, I notice it off. I notice it. I notice it. I feel appreciated in a tangible way, not just oh, thank you, queen, thank you for interacting with me. That was fun. But no, I'm going to do something for you Because you spent your time with me. You see, time is money. I don't say to somebody oh okay, you're my sub, so this is how much I charge per minute. Right, I can go on night, flirt and charge per minute. People know the charge. But when I start to interact with somebody of my own volition and you pique my interest and you treat me to something and you show respect and you don't whine about it, you don't get mad. I notice this and it makes me want to get to know you. It really does.

Speaker 1 19:05

So you know, are you a sub, are you a pet? Are you a slave? Well, you know, any of those things. Any of those positions, roles, can be mastered. Really, you can be the best sub a woman has ever had. And, yes, you'll still have some freedom and you won't have to do as much as a slave might. But you can still find satisfaction in that role, same as being a pet. You can find a lot of satisfaction in being a pet and having an owner. You know, pets are awesome, they really are. So not one of those roles are less than in my opinion. They're just different. That's all they are. They're just different, a different capacity based upon your abilities.

Speaker 1 20:01

And so you have to be honest with yourself. When you go into BDSM and you start to look into things and you see slaves and you really want to be a slave to a femdom, but deep down you kind of know you don't have the time to give. There's nothing wrong, there's nothing less than in being submissive. And in the future maybe you will have more time that you can commit to being a slave. But never jump into the slave role and then say, yeah, it's too much. Right, that's something you need to pre-negotiate anyway. But don't bite off more than you can chew, and it's always better to take a little step before you take the leap of faith right before you take the leap of faith right, and I'm not saying you aren't capable of being number one.

Speaker 1 20:55

Be the best and I know that a lot of subs they do. They want to be the best sub, the best slave pet for me that they could ever imagine and they want to exceed the expectations of any other sub or slave or pet. But you have to understand every single person that I've engaged with are individual. They're an individual. They have their individual traits that are incredible and different than the others. So embrace your uniqueness. Embrace that and accept that anything is possible. And if you aspire to be a slave, then I give you kudos for that because it is difficult. But some people just are naturally slave-minded and I've met many of you that are that slave-minded individual and you are fabulous. But that doesn't diminish the role of a sub either. There's some great subs out there, great pets, great adult babies, you know, and you can't expect somebody to do that 24, seven, even as intense, as they enjoy the role play. So I would just recommend, if you are looking to be a subslave or pet, depending on which one really look into who would be a good fit for you in your world.

Speaker 1 22:40

One more thing I think that's important to understand. If you've never been trained before, that's fine. A lot of men come to me and say I've never been a sub before. I'm a newbie. I just don't know what to do or where to go with this, and I actually prefer a man be untrained, because a lot of doms have their own style as well, and when you bring on a new subject it's exciting to train them in your way. Of course you know it's going to be ethical, it should be ethical, but it's very hard to retrain somebody who's been trained incorrectly. So if you come to the table fresh, then I say that's actually a bonus. Don't underestimate your abilities and your intent to learn. Just have fun with it and understand there will be bumps in the road, but be honest, transparent, open, ask questions and if you show the respect and she shows or he shows your master shows you respect, then you can grow together successfully.

Speaker 1 24:08

So thank you for listening. Have a wonderful day. You can look at my link tree backwards slash chastity queen for all of my affiliates. Or you can look at the podcast. I have all of the affiliate discount locations attached on my podcast here so that you can take advantage of those benefits. 15% off on Locked in Lust using promo code CHASTITYQUEEN. All caps, one word CHASTITYQUEEN. So have fun and we will be talking again soon. And thank you so much for being my subscriber. I love you dearly. Bye for now.