As Stacey unveils the chapters of her wellness journey, overcoming Mal de Debarquement, we're reminded that health is a dance requiring precision and grace. She shares how a blend of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes has turned her life's tempo from chaotic to harmonious. Brian and I also lay our cards on the table—quite literally—with "The And" game, sparking raw and honest conversations about our mutual concerns. It's like peering into a mirror together, facing the reflections of our deepest worries and finding strength in the vulnerability of our shared truths.
Money talks, but in relationships, it can sometimes yell. We wade into the mire of financial transparency, sharing tales from our own partnership's ledger to illustrate the profound connection between fiscal openness and emotional security. We're candid about our past financial faux pas and how they've shaped our bond, highlighting that talking about money isn't just about numbers—it's about the values and trust we build in our relationships. As the conversation unfurls, we consider society's magnifying glass on wealth and how this focus might shift the dynamics of future connections.
Finally, we muse on the lessons that time imparts. The books of Noah Harari have been a surprising catalyst for our nightly discussions, serving as a bridge between waking thoughts and dreams. In the echoes of 'A Gentleman in Moscow,' we see the resilience of the human spirit, a reminder that even in solitude, we're interconnected. As we share anecdotes of personal growth and the intricate interplay with those we love, it's clear that each chapter of life, whether we'd rewrite it or not, is a page in the story that shapes us. Join us on this journey through the layers of health, wealth, and the human condition, as we uncover the continuous learning curve of life.
As Stacey unveils the chapters of her wellness journey, overcoming Mal de Debarquement, we're reminded that health is a dance requiring precision and grace. She shares how a blend of medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes has turned her life's tempo from chaotic to harmonious. Brian and I also lay our cards on the table—quite literally—with "The And" game, sparking raw and honest conversations about our mutual concerns. It's like peering into a mirror together, facing the reflections of our deepest worries and finding strength in the vulnerability of our shared truths.
Money talks, but in relationships, it can sometimes yell. We wade into the mire of financial transparency, sharing tales from our own partnership's ledger to illustrate the profound connection between fiscal openness and emotional security. We're candid about our past financial faux pas and how they've shaped our bond, highlighting that talking about money isn't just about numbers—it's about the values and trust we build in our relationships. As the conversation unfurls, we consider society's magnifying glass on wealth and how this focus might shift the dynamics of future connections.
Finally, we muse on the lessons that time imparts. The books of Noah Harari have been a surprising catalyst for our nightly discussions, serving as a bridge between waking thoughts and dreams. In the echoes of 'A Gentleman in Moscow,' we see the resilience of the human spirit, a reminder that even in solitude, we're interconnected. As we share anecdotes of personal growth and the intricate interplay with those we love, it's clear that each chapter of life, whether we'd rewrite it or not, is a page in the story that shapes us. Join us on this journey through the layers of health, wealth, and the human condition, as we uncover the continuous learning curve of life.
this is the broken towels podcast we're back babe babe with brian and stacy can you speak in that microphone? A little bit I am, my lips are against it I don't know why it sounds so low.
Speaker 2:It does. Yeah, what have you been doing the last four or five months?
Speaker 1:Recovering.
Speaker 2:But positive update. I'm doing really well, yeah, since the last one, I think the last one was still a little fairly, believe it or not, the last episode we did because we've been staggering these because of the Mal de Debarquement and I think we can probably update it and then possibly move on from it a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm really feeling we're close to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just doing some finessing with my vestibular rehabilitation therapy, but I'm really feeling so much better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, any. What was the breakthrough? Because I've got this loads of. It's annoying how many emails and texts I get from Venezuela. Nobody, I can tell you unequivocally. The United States Capitola in particular, and the outlying regions could give a shit about your condition, but Venezuela cares. What was the turning point?
Speaker 1:I think it's a combination of things. I've heard it referred to as a treatment pie, where there are lots of different pieces to the pie that has led me to feeling better. So it's some medication, vestibular rehabilitation therapy, really being on top of taking care of myself in terms of getting good sleep and eating healthfully, and movement actually helps my brain heal. So I've been able to get back into doing some weight training and running and it's all been good.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm always having to think about it and do things to prevent flare-ups yeah, it's not um, it's not in the, it's not like in the distant rearview mirror, but the fundamentals of things are changing.
Speaker 1:You know, we're couch to 10k, you're running again yes, that's really exciting that's a big deal it's a big deal, because I could barely walk without looking like I was tromping through a field of marshmallows.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I think Azuki is not used to us podcasting right now because she's acting like the first three episodes again right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's all over me.
Speaker 2:She does not like these headphones on, and so I'm going to play some over music right now. I and so I'm going to play some over music right now. I'm ready to get into it because it's been a while. I'm going to try to swear less. I realized in the podcast I do swear less because that right then is like a place where I would have said, like I'm fucking ready to go, but I'm not going to swear this time.
Speaker 1:But you just said it so as a frame of reference.
Speaker 2:Gotcha, I'm not going to do that as much anymore.
Speaker 1:So when you say you're ready to get into it, are we talking about starting with the questions right away?
Speaker 2:Or what do you mean as far as like?
Speaker 1:You said you're ready to get into it. Let's go.
Speaker 2:Like you want to have a fight right now.
Speaker 1:No, not at all Like right before we went on?
Speaker 2:No, not at all Like right before we went on. No, when you just belittled me, I did not.
Speaker 1:You did? I don't think so.
Speaker 2:I'm ready for a question. Is what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Okay, well, are you going to play this?
Speaker 2:What do you got New game?
Speaker 1:New game.
Speaker 2:Can't keep sponsors when you podcast every four months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Well, and we've gone through almost all of those cards, so it was time to shake it up a little bit. This is a new card game that we actually ran across at the Mariposa Cafe, do you?
Speaker 2:remember this. Yeah, I remember this.
Speaker 1:So it's called the and and it's by. It's called the. Skin Deep is the name of the company that makes it, and we have we bought ourselves the long-term couples edition. Oh shit, yeah. So first question Actually, the way you're supposed to play it is you draw 12 cards without knowing what you've chosen. You're supposed to sit one foot apart from each other, looking directly at each other.
Speaker 2:We're pretty close to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're very close to that, and then just one person begins by asking the other person their question and then go back and forth through all the questions. But for the sake of time, we're doing three.
Speaker 2:We can play the game to a certain extent and then keep an eye on the time.
Speaker 1:So whatever you want to do, All right, well, I've got three cards pulled out, but I could always grab more.
Speaker 2:Let's go.
Speaker 1:Let's see First question.
Speaker 2:Look into my eyes.
Speaker 1:What are you concerned about for my future? Your future, yes.
Speaker 2:Your future?
Speaker 2:Yes, I think for your future.
Speaker 2:Right now it's a fairly the low-hanging fruit is I'm concerned about your overall health as relates to this particular condition that you have, and I think we just kind of gave a positive update.
Speaker 2:But it is also a potential domino effect, as we found the last 12 to 14, 16, 17 months, that a little left turn can change the fundamentals of your overall health outlook. For, let me put it this way, before February 19th of 2023, um, I would have put you in that blue zone category and Stacy's going to live forever, and then that condition happens and you can kind of lose your grip on some of the other fundamentals of where you were rolling uh, diet, exercise, all the other things and so I think my overall concern would be this little thing and the kind of like the pace that you were on for your own health and well-being, because I think, for some reason, that that eclipses I don't think about my own health and well-being a lot, but I'm sort of like a fan of yours and I think, if I remember that question right, which was 17 seconds ago, I think that would be my answer.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now do you want? Should we reverse this, or should we just move on to the next question and have you ask me?
Speaker 2:No, I want you to reverse that question and look deep into my eyes. And this is, I don't even well what's. I don't want this question directed towards me because this is loaded.
Speaker 1:What are you most concerned about for my future?
Speaker 2:Let's go.
Speaker 1:All right, based on where you're at right now.
Speaker 2:I gotta stop doing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do Put your cup, your teacup, over there. I'm concerned, I guess, for your health as well. But in the context of Mental. Yeah, stress management is an issue. Right now it's not going very well.
Speaker 2:And it was my. Thing.
Speaker 1:It was your thing, and then you got extremely busy and I don't know. I'm curious if I can ask you a question have you given any like what do you think might change how? What can you do that might change the state that you find yourself in?
Speaker 2:a lot now the um, I think I've been pretty with you in particular, um, and now with with uh, all of south america will kind of come clean on it that I've been honest with you about this, like I'm not been overconfident about it, and what we're talking about is sort of the, the evening, weekend and anything off time, full time job that the magazines become.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And it's. It's the I think they call it Cadill problems, where what I thought was going to be a very fun I don't have a lot of hobbies in my life, Correct? I like to, you know, if I have a little extra time I write, do those things like in my old world, and this seemed like the very connected passion project that I would be good at and do it with good people and all of that's true. But I think the way it sort of landed in town put us into a position where it is two full-time jobs.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm having a very hard time, I think, not doing the jobs at all. But there's a cost. There's a cost that's kind of like being paid right now with my I hate to say mental health, because I have so much respect for this Not that I'm just losing my perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say that lives in the realm of mental health. I mean stress management and not managing stress well can certainly lead to mental health issues. Not the real serious kinds of mental health issues, not not, um, you know, the real serious kinds of mental health issues, although you know it could.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah. So I mean, that's really my concern is where does this leave you? I mean, the kind of stress that you're experiencing, I mean I this is really maybe dramatic, but I can't help but think of your dad and how he led a life with lots of stress and ended up passing away from a stroke.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that scares me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, his was murderers, gang members and delinquent juveniles. Mine is artists and sunsets and I do have that qualified. I think you kind of have that inner clock where you can identify. Is this giving me ulcers? Is it giving me this? It's not that kind of stress. I think what I'm up against right now is more of a load management kind of stress but time management.
Speaker 2:Time management, load management, all of that, and so I guess in a lot of ways there is a kind of a connection between your Malday to Barkmont and this question has a similar line, which is something that didn't exist before, a year ago, exists now, and it has made it difficult around here. I'm not, you know, to an extent that, something that wasn't here before, and I think I'm talking about myself, but then I realize I'm talking about both.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess that's true. I hadn't made that connection, but you're absolutely right.
Speaker 2:But let's do the. Did that satisfy the answer?
Speaker 1:Or did I even? Did I head around that pretty good? Or did I answer it?
Speaker 2:Well, I, yeah, we handled it All right and then. But the question we, I think the feedback is when we get to this point, that's the one foot away from each other's face, answering it, but broadening it out. I think the best way to circle around these is why is that a? Why would that be a good question for a couple to ask themselves um, driving down the road over a cup of coffee? That's in a short or longterm relationship, um, and I think we kind of know the answer. But read the question again.
Speaker 1:What are you most concerned about for for my future?
Speaker 2:Oh shit, that would be a great question. Ask it almost any point, if you can connect with somebody, any relationship that you have trust.
Speaker 1:I think it's about being honest, because very often we don't want to hear a truth from somebody that we care about or we know they care about us. That we care about or we know they care about us because we're in denial or we're I don't know. I think I'm like. I'm just thinking about how, if you're worried or concerned for somebody that you love, sometimes it's really hard to let them know what you're worried about because it feels unsafe. It feels psychologically unsafe.
Speaker 2:Maybe a question like that is, I think of it sort of and might have used this analogy on the show before. Is that maybe a question like that, away from a circumstance where there's no like heaviness or animosity, let's say it's a more, let's say it was done in a proactive way rather than a reactive way, to like counsel yourself out of a spot like that? It might be a way I'm thinking of like a pressure cooker, like the little valve, like a little valve sometimes. Maybe a question like that over on a great date, on a friday night like this, talking about it like this, with nothing's really going on.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah. I would say that there's a lot of research in relationships and the research really does tell us that we want to have these, uh, harder conversations at times when we're not emotional. That's not in the in the heat of the moment.
Speaker 2:That's exactly it.
Speaker 1:You've got to just ride that out and not say anything. And that's really hard because it's easy to get wrapped up in those emotions and you really want to defend yourself or whatever in those heated times. But it's not productive because we're immediately defensive.
Speaker 2:I'm going to pay some bills because the overhead, as we know, and this thing's outrageous.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. What do you think?
Speaker 2:Wait, wait. I'm going to pause this right now. What are you laughing at?
Speaker 1:Are we talking Pan Am again, the defunct airline? I'm a to pause this right now. What are you laughing at? Are we talking Pan Am again, the defunct?
Speaker 2:airline. I'm a wild card and you don't quite know overall what I've been up to the last five months and who dumped us Nobody dumped us Our sponsors. You think Pan Am. You think Pan Am is going to stay with a podcast that doesn't podcast on a weekly or monthly basis. Stace, we're fired by Pan Am, but I pivoted.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's hear it.
Speaker 2:One over the other. I'll bet you want some real difference Now. If everything's basically the same except the meal service, that's right. Stop and remember the last airplane meal you had you ever had? One worth $200? No, try, braniff. Fuck yeah, braniff, that's right. Stop and remember the last airplane meal you had. You ever had, one worth $200? No, try, braniff. Fuck yeah, braniff, that's right. That's right. We're going to the cheapo airlines. That meal is going to taste a whale of a lot better, braniff, the best low fare in the air.
Speaker 1:Believe me, that's hilarious. You got to kind of like you got to work your way back up Stace. I mean, you're coming in here all from one airline to another well, that seems to be our demographic.
Speaker 2:We're strong in that demographic. Alright, you got another one. I do or do you want me to go? You get to ask.
Speaker 1:You want me to go? Yeah, go, you get to ask the next question and look deep into your eyes. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, I got to do this. I'll hold the card over the mic so I can look right over the card in your eyes, stacey.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:If you had to write a rule book for a relationship, what would be the number one rule?
Speaker 1:Ooh, a rule book. We have to talk about money and do our budget together regularly.
Speaker 2:You just made that rule.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I just made it up.
Speaker 2:Well, we've been doing like I think one I think, as we've spoken about here and there, almost like that first question there, if that's something that you break the ice on earlier in a relationship and we come from a different time, different generation, different all that, and we've beaten down how we got to where we were. But, yeah, that would have been a seismic shift in our overall trust and where we were over 33, 34 years, if we wouldn't have waited 15 years to break the ice and even another 10 years or so to say I guess this is that term I hate, but I'm going to use it the macro is the conversation. The micro is actually sitting down and printing your statements and having it be the open, open, open book. And I was kind of taken back by a couple deaths that we've been around my dad's, your dad's, gavin, I can keep going on and on because I think there's enough around. But the conversation that happens is it's horrifying is somebody on either side of the ledger that didn't know before they died how to or what was up with something.
Speaker 2:And I think I was struck by that to a certain extent. I don't think with my mom, it was so much what she didn't know. It wasn't like that as much. It was more along the lines of what she didn't know what to do, and I don't think that would be our case at all. But it is nice every time we unpeel. Over the years we've unpeeled it. I don't see, like I said, I'm always looking for in business. I'm always looking kind of like analytically for the. They kind of play the two sides of the fence and look for the upside, downside of a scenario.
Speaker 1:I can't see a downside to transparency. No, and I think the reason it was so challenging for us is, I think for each of us there are you mentioned peeling the layers there were different. I think a lot of people have emotions attached to money, emotions attached to money, lots of layers of emotions. You know what does it mean to them. Was there some kind of a financial control in their family of origin? And you know how did that play out and how does that affect your current relationship with money. It's not always easy and that's certainly, I think, what was the barrier for us and why we didn't tackle this earlier on. But I wish we had.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no doubt, and I think we just live in a particular time. However you want to look at I think I've been gone long enough from the podcast. I don't think I've overwhelmed anyone with my take on sapiens and the book that we're reading listening to, I should say, and the thing you can't get away from in a small period of time, this species history. We live in a particular little sliver of time where the money matters so much.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And you can't get away from it.
Speaker 1:You can't get away from it. No, even if you want to. I mean how? How would you?
Speaker 2:Well, I feel like we probably are in the time where a very particular time where it wasn't, it is and it will be for generations, and then I think it eventually will balance out where it won't be again. I I think, like in that book he talks about like sort of the human revolution. You know that that would come where.
Speaker 2:eventually, I think we circle back to, uh, you know, sort of our base selves, when we've squeezed all of this out and I don't know what the end of that is. Some of that could be literally apocalyptic. It could be, you know, extermination of a species as we know it for a million different reasons. Nothing, you know, no conspiracies or anything like that, but it could just be global warming. It could be, you know, it could be a COVID-47. We don't know what's going to get it, but I do feel like there will be eventually a settling of the human condition because of something of that kind of. It'll take something like that for us to reset ourselves. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you really took us down a dark path there, honey.
Speaker 2:That's what I do.
Speaker 1:I know and, and, and, just as a reference. We've been listening to uh two books by Noah Tovar. Is that right?
Speaker 2:I think that's the correct pronunciation.
Speaker 1:Keep talking all the time Um Homo sapiens and Homo deus. I think it's. I think it's the correct pronunciation. Keep talking all the time Homo sapiens and homo deus.
Speaker 2:I think it's D-E-U-S. Is it deus?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I'm guessing it's. I don't know what language that would be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, d-e-u-s. Is it deus Maybe, or is that D-E-U-X?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, but anyhow it's really fascinating and this has been our sleep story for the last several weeks few weeks so it's lots of good food for thought and great conversation.
Speaker 2:I wonder if this is. I wonder if we can play a tiny bit At the dawn of the third millennium.
Speaker 1:Humanity wakes up, stretching its limbs and rubbing its eyes. I don't know. Remnants of some awful nightmare are still drifting across its mind.
Speaker 2:There was something with Bob. I can't listen to that too much longer, I'll fall asleep.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:It's a problem every night, isn't?
Speaker 1:it. There's an association.
Speaker 2:What's our actual number? I set the timer for 45 minutes. 45 minutes. So how much do I consume in your estimation?
Speaker 1:Oh my, gosh, maybe five, and I stay awake for all of it.
Speaker 2:For 45. And then what happens the next night?
Speaker 1:And then the next night you rewind it.
Speaker 2:That's right To 40 minutes before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I get to hear it all again.
Speaker 2:And then I get five, yeah, and then I rewind it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it works great for you. I learn a lot. You really probably do.
Speaker 2:It's my turn to ask a question by the way, but are we? No, it's my rule, right? Do you have to ask it to me? I looked deep into your eyes and asked that question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm asking you now I'm ready go ahead. Okay, if you had to write a rule book for our relationship, what would be the number one rule? A rule book.
Speaker 2:I think like the number one. This is so funny because it's so different. What was your rule again?
Speaker 1:That we have to budget together and go over money on a regular basis.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mine would be my. You know what. You probably have an idea what mine's going to be sort of around and it's going to be like a rule about I think we've talked about before like scheduling a date, scheduling sex scheduling, something, so that we connect that way and see each other like we did when we were dating, so it doesn't drift so far away. I know it's a good rule because I made it. No, I'm joking, it's, it's, it's, it's not. So on the nose like that, it's something like that because it is it's important.
Speaker 2:It's my, that's my. My only frustration we talk about, my only frustration is like it's very hard over four decades now, nineties 2000. Yeah, we're in our fourth decade together. That's crazy To kind of somehow maintain that emotion of seeing somebody at a dance club and not knowing you and writing letters, and I don't know that that's achievable.
Speaker 2:No, it's not, I'm not saying it is, but I'm saying it's no. I don't think we'd be married for this many years if I thought that was some kind of bar. That's not it Right. What I'm saying is just like that general attraction in that sort of organic way. That's hard to maintain.
Speaker 1:It is hard, it takes effort.
Speaker 2:Well, I think what happens is you get to know somebody. Uh oh, this is going to get in the high weeds a little bit, but I think what happens is, in a relationship, I think you get to know somebody. This isn't just a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend thing, this is your parents. Think about what happens. In the long, the more you get to know your parents zero to five years old, five to ten, ten to fifteen, fifteen to twenty, twenty to twenty five, and then say 25, 30 and then 30, forever. Um, the, the kids hate it when I use this word, but there's a natural kind of diminishing. In a way there's an uplifting, but it's not diminishing of what respect?
Speaker 2:respect, I think, in a certain way, like it's a terrible way to say it. What I'm saying is I want to strike that it's it's I'll stay in that world of respect. It's they were given respect that they hadn't earned. If that makes sense so so a parent gets respect that they haven't earned yet they get. They get respect. Taylor loves me when she's five because I'm dad.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And 10 and 15 and 20. 2025, they start going. Huh Huh. That's interesting what you just said about that politic. That's interesting what you just said about your perspective on this or that or this or that, and there's a chipping away. Perspective on this or that or this or that and there's a chipping away. There's a chipping away at because when you and I first start say dating, writing letters, it's all the good stuff, right.
Speaker 1:Of course, just like what's on social media. It's all the good stuff, yeah, but I wonder if chipping away it's one way to think about it. But could you think about it differently, like the? The way I'm thinking about it is the, the kid that's growing up. They're seeing the world and getting their own perspective on it, and they're not just living in the bubble of their parents' perspective anymore, and so is it a chipping away or is it more of an expansion for the kid who's growing up?
Speaker 2:Well, it depends on the perspective. It depends on the person and the perspective, like I, I, it depends on the person in the perspective, meaning that when the kids chip away at my bullshit, I'm euphoric about it because I see them as basically kind of getting their chops in the game, seeing the world as it is and I'm not saying bullshit, you know what I'm saying Like they were they. I guess they stand up to you a little bit, they, they stand up to you and you see them as independent human on the planet and I enjoy that. That's not all the case necessarily, for a lot of parents, a lot of couples like it the way it was and they don't want to get too far in the Oz behind the curtain part of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's probably true. I think it also. I think what's coming up for me in thinking about this is you know, we want to be living in integrity, sort of in in in, uh, alignment with our values. Because if we're not doing that, if we are behaving in ways that are different from what we say we believe in, our kids are going to see that, our friends are going to see that and they're going to call bullshit on it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that's to me, that that's how I see the chipping away. It's a chipping away of your respect for that person because they're not living up to who they claim they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that that feels really icky.
Speaker 2:Hey, just because I'm not swearing doesn't mean you can what. Just because I'm not swearing doesn't mean you can drop bombs.
Speaker 1:What bomb did I drop?
Speaker 2:You dropped the BS word.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's not bad.
Speaker 2:It took you six seconds. Yeah, it took you six seconds. It's not the longest, but it's definitely not the shortest. The only one you've really hit was when it was on point. I just thought it was a good time for like a little like a ragtime intermission, like the old times like this. Like, let's say, we're doing this podcast in 1927. It's very likely we would play it in remission. That's a little dramatic right there in 1927, it's very likely we would play it in remission. That's a little dramatic right there. I think I'm going to ask the question.
Speaker 2:I got a good one. Did we expand on that a little bit? I think it's kind of obvious. Rules in number one rules would be fun to set earlier.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Possibly. I think the expansion is always going to circle around the same answer most of the time, where a lot of these things that we do, these questions, we ask if they're new to us, because this tickles a little part of my brain. These are questions that I haven't been asked directly from two feet away by you, I'd I and so I think if it kind of like challenges us, it's going to challenge somebody that's in it for six months, or Jack and Ainsley that are in it for just over a year now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Here's one. This is my question. Oh, it's still playing. I'm going to play's one. This is my question. Oh, it's still playing. I'm going to play this one. If you were to think of the biggest misconception about marriage, what would it be? That's a good one.
Speaker 1:Well, my first thought was going to say that it's easy, but I don't think people think it's easy anymore and I think the divorce rate in the united states is reflective of that. I don't know if the divorce rate is similar in other countries. I don't think I've ever looked into that, but um, but I don't know that. I have a better answer.
Speaker 2:That's easier than it is I've got. I think I've got a good one.
Speaker 1:All right, spill it.
Speaker 2:I think in I'm going to look up divorce rates, while you I'm about to drop one that you know. I think you will recognize. The audience already feels they know when I say that what's coming. Guys, quiet down.
Speaker 1:This should be good.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest misconception about marriage is that it's somehow going to complete you.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is.
Speaker 2:Whoa Stacey, what Stacy. What is happening? I'm going to stand up real quick.
Speaker 1:Mic drop.
Speaker 2:No, that's actually, it's just the one that came to my head. And it's the thing about that answer it's kind of a bogarted answer from some other. You know just other things that you know where. I think we think that the one that came to my head and I went backwards from is that sometimes people think a baby's going to fix their relationship, and so I started there and I'm like I've never had that thought. We haven't rolled into it. But then I went one step back, thinking like of all the the marriages we've seen come and go around us, our own self, we were too young and stupid, and I mean that in the most polite way. Um, it didn't cross my head that you were going to complete me somehow. I didn't think you were going to fix anything in me cause we were just kind of ran into it, right.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It was so fast, it was so like it all happened so quick. I don't think I would have had a time to say, oh, thank God, now I can be completed, you know what. But I do think if there was a misconception that people have or one would have, like as far as your friends around that they have an overestimation of what that marriage is going to do for them as a person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, For them as a person? Yeah, I think. Well, I think we're often acculturated to think that. I mean think about the Disney movies, All the princesses meeting their prince and they'll live happily ever after and everything is great, All their problems are fixed.
Speaker 2:You don't have to say all that again, because I'm still looking up what a culture aid it is, oh God.
Speaker 1:Oh honey, what is it?
Speaker 2:Are you using words you don't even know what they are?
Speaker 1:No, I'm trying to figure out how to describe it, so it makes sense to you this is the greatest moment in our podcast history. We grow up with a belief system that it's the culture. It's the culture that we grow up in, so we just assume that's what it is.
Speaker 2:Gotcha. No, I no. I think I think that that's in the, in the, the rough estimation of it. But yeah, that's. I think that's sort of it's. I think that's a again. Another one I think we're three for three on these. I don't know if we've gone through two or if we've gone through just one, but it feels like there's a pattern going on here and maybe it's all the time we do these questions. We just don't circle back enough. Is that this at any point? Um, this would be a good question to ask somebody and take out the word marriage and just put in friendship.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It would be. I'm saying is this would be a good practice, not only just as a marriage question. So if you were to think of the biggest misconception about friendship, what would it be to somebody else? It's a great question, it is. It makes you dig a little bit, I think, you, I think we've got a sense of, like, what is and what isn't, and well, I think we've got a sense of, like, what is and what isn't.
Speaker 1:Well, I think one thing I've really learned is that all relationships take work. They do. I mean, if you want to maintain a friendship with somebody, you have to give of yourself, your time, you have to be vulnerable, you have to share things and you have to accept and want that from them too right, and that that's hard the vulnerable part in particular.
Speaker 2:Yes, why is that so hard?
Speaker 1:I so I don't know. I've thought about this. I kind of feel like there's such a of a value, at least here in the us, about, uh, rugged individualism like that is what we aspire to. That is there, there's, it's just held in such high esteem and and yet as human beings, we've actually evolved to live in community and so we want it like, we yearn for being connected to other people and yet, at the same time, we're taught that strong and not needing anybody is the way to go.
Speaker 2:So vulnerable, has no particular value in the wild per se per se. I mean, like what I'm saying is like talking about taking what you're talking about. I was like we've, we've brought ourselves to this point where, as say, even like all the way through the whole line, apex predators to the cultures and the society we live in right now, um, we, the vulnerability wouldn't have been necessarily needed at any point along the way, but conscious thought and vulnerability is what sets us apart if we embrace it, right. Yeah, it's something like that, but it doesn't have a lot of, it, doesn't have value in our primal state, does it?
Speaker 1:Well, so you know, if you think about the fact that we've evolved to be in community, that was for safety reasons.
Speaker 2:I get that part.
Speaker 1:But being in community means being vulnerable, because you have to have trust, you have to have rapport, you have to. I mean that that doesn't exist without some level of vulnerability.
Speaker 2:The interesting part about that book, that Sapiens book also brings up and I'll forget the number, but we'll look it up for the next one, if. If it's worth circling around is it also talks about that community you're talking about. It talks that it maxes out. It maxes out at a certain number. There's a breaking point of where the communication breaks down after like 100, 140. There's a statistical number it's a much lower number that you think that we have to break off and it's less efficient. After that number we do it, but it's less efficient.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so interesting because, if you think about a big city, as compared to like when we first moved to Watertown, new York, and we knew it was safer to raise our kids there, I think that that is reflective of what you just shared.
Speaker 2:Right, you know it because you've been looking at my phone the whole time. Stace, we're going to do our review. A Gentleman in Moscow, hulu, based on the 2016 novel by amore towels. Did you read that? I didn't finish it well, that's not a good recommendation oh, it was very good, but I was.
Speaker 1:I had an actual physical book and I could barely read at the time.
Speaker 2:So um answer accepted. A gentleman gentleman in Moscow was set against the backdrop of post-revolutionary Russia, where Count Alexander Rostov is stripped of his title and material wealth and placed under house arrest for the life. For life in a grand Moscow hotel, unlikely friendships, fleeting romance and the hotel's occupants open the count's eyes to the hidden wonders of the hotel and the enduring power of human connection. Hey, there you go. It was great, it was so good.
Speaker 1:We just finished it right eyes to the hidden wonders of the hotel and the enduring power of human connection. Hey, oh, there you go um.
Speaker 2:It was great, it was so good. We just finished it right yeah, and ethan hawke plays.
Speaker 1:Uh, count the count rostov yeah, he. I mean he's always. I've always thought he was okay, but I never thought he was an exceptional actor, but in in this he really is exceptional.
Speaker 2:Now you might have read the book and I might be putting you on the spot. Is it complete fiction or is it based on some semblance of a true story, or do you have any clue? I don't.
Speaker 1:I have to say I don't actually know. I don't think. At the beginning of the book it said it was based on a true story.
Speaker 2:It's fascinating, though 's just kind of like occupies a time and a space in russian history during the revolution. Um, uh, you know where this this count. Basically, I don't even know why he was spared um other than his entitlement, and his prison was this hotel, and it wasn't in accommodations, he was in the shitty attic of it and, based on the storyline of it, he spends decades there. I don't want to give too much away. It's not what we do here, but it's fascinating. It's a fascinating political study. It's a fascinating human study.
Speaker 1:It's historical fiction, for sure.
Speaker 2:For sure, I mean because everything going on outside are historical events.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, it's it's really well done. I I highly recommend.
Speaker 2:What do you give it?
Speaker 1:Oh, how do we do our rating? I don't remember.
Speaker 2:Do we do it one through 10 or one through five? I think we go one through 10. Didn't we?
Speaker 1:Didn't you say something? There was a wing.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's just on tenths of a point. You can go as high as you want or low as you want.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give it a 9.2.
Speaker 2:That's really a good score. I was going right with you. I'm going 9.1 because I want to do the Dave Portnoy pizza review. It's 8991 for me but I think 9.1 makes people know they have to watch it. Yeah, it was really good, what question are you on?
Speaker 1:Well, I pulled out three, so I've got the last one now.
Speaker 2:All right, honey, looking in your eyes, I might have to call for another question if they don't. This has actually been good questions, do you think?
Speaker 1:I think they've been great. Okay, if you could go back to our first date, what advice would you give yourself? We have to define what our first date actually was.
Speaker 2:Well, I consider our first date in my mind. Our first date is when you came to Pennsylvania and we went shopping for dinner and made dinner together and sat on the back porch and ate it. That's, that's in my mind. The first, like whole first date is what I would say. And so if I were to go there and say, hey, do this this way or do this that way, I do have a hard time getting away from the same advice.
Speaker 2:If we had a question at one point, if you could go give yourself advice when you were younger remember I hate it because it's not really me but I would tell myself the same thing, because here's the problem. I say these questions but I'm a big believer in that sliding doors movie or that concept of if I go whisper in 21 year old Brian's ear, I, here's what I would say this is going to work out for you tonight, and I'm not even worried about it. And you'd be like who are you? It's like I'm Brian from the future and you're like you know we'd have our conversation. Uh, I've written little cartoons about this. That's the guys. Singularity no, here's the advice. I've written little cartoons about this. That's advice. Singularity no, here's the advice. I'm doing the conversation I'm having with myself first.
Speaker 2:Gotcha Okay, I understand we would exchange pleasantries about overall how we're looking Of course.
Speaker 2:And I'd say this is going to be good for you. Tonight Everything's going to work out, no advice given. But I would talk to that Brian about compound interest. It's the same conversation I think I answered on this podcast about what would I tell 14? And I'm assuming, in this fantastical world that we're making up, is that it would land right? Sure, it would land, but here's the problem with that. So let's say that lands with 21-year-old Brian, a problem with that. So let's say that lands with 21 year old brian. And we buy the houses, we. Everything's just the way it's supposed to be. We don't move back and forth okay does?
Speaker 2:does anything exist as it exists right now? Are we?
Speaker 2:now are we even thinking about kids differently with? Are we? I really struggle with questions like this and it's not the way the question was presented. It was simpler than that. You know, I take it to this other level but I struggle with it in a way because, um, that was to be the. That's my honest answer. But I also say it, and I think in that world I probably leave it more towards that frivolous first part. It more towards that frivolous first part. I said I don't want to fuck with anything. That we.
Speaker 1:That happened to us is my point. So what you're saying is you don't want things to have changed. The way they were was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I agree with that.
Speaker 2:If I was on a podcast with somebody and something had happened to you and I could have said something to warn it. Um, maybe, maybe I changed my answer or something like that. But as it stands right now, sitting with all the bumps and bruises and the bandwidth issues right now running the magazine and working a full-time job and doing all of that I don't know if I would go back and do too much or the advice. I think it'd be pretty loose or pretty casual.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It'd be hilarious to talk to myself, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:That's more interesting than any other part of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the advice I would give myself is to just relax because he is a good guy, because I really wasn't sure I flew across to Bacchus to be with somebody I thought I knew through letters, but when you didn't meet me at the gate I got super stressed out and then I just held on to that stress. It took me a while to really relax.
Speaker 2:I think that's a good one. We actually have time for one more question, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Hold on, I'll do the full thing we did. Good time for one more question.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, hold on, I'll do the full thing. Pretty good it's. I mean, we're right at it's 45. But that's pretty good for us.
Speaker 1:This is really interesting. You want to read this honey.
Speaker 2:What's the most uncomfortable situation my family put you through and what did you learn from it?
Speaker 1:Wow, I asked you that question. I know I'm thinking. I think the only the only thing that's coming to my mind is quite recent is and I don't know if my family put you through that sounds really negative, but it was a hard situation when, when but it was completely of my own volition when your dad passed away I, you know, we both flew to New York and I stayed there for three months to help your mom. But I I learned a lot about, uh, really long-term relationships, about how they depended on each other and their lives were so intertwined and it was really beautiful. But I also learned a lot about how we can allow ourselves to be really dysfunctional in ways where we rely so much on the other person to do things that we don't know how to do them if we're not doing it and that really scared me.
Speaker 1:I learned a lot from that and I think that is probably what helped helped me deal with my fear about handling money Um, because I know that I have to.
Speaker 2:I have to, and I want, I have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have to and I want to, but it's something that I have a lot of.
Speaker 2:Money's a thing with you.
Speaker 1:Oh, very much so.
Speaker 2:It kind of trips me out a little bit, because it's really the biggest difference in our two worlds. Not that we don't land in the middle sometimes, but I can't quite get in that universe sometimes as far as but that comes with what you're. You're answering the question right now Like, like, like, why that that is a thing. Do you think there's enough time left on the planet to get through it, or do you feel?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm already making progress. Yeah, I feel actually proud of myself.
Speaker 2:Oh, there's no doubt yeah.
Speaker 1:I have a long way to go still, but I'll get there. I feel good about it All right. So what's the most uncomfortable situation my family put you through, and what did you learn from it?
Speaker 2:Tough one. It is a tough one, isn't it? It is oh, I know, I know what it is with your family overall and it's and it's, it's overall, and some of them just haven't dealt. Just haven't dealt with in a way, I think, because it was my own family but I had the same sort of politics. Is what I'm reading this question the right way would have presented the most difficult conversation for me. Maybe politics and religion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as far as the question exactly was, what's the most uncomfortable situation? And I wouldn't even I would change that word. I'm going to answer the question uncomfortable, I'd say challenging.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:More so than uncomfortable, but uncomfortable is challenging. It comes in that same muck but it would be more of the challenging circumstance because I was a master of debate and engaging that conversation and what I learned from it is you have to kind of change your tone and your temperament. When you're talking with, they always say no politics, no religion at the dinner table. Yeah, it doesn't seem to family seems to break right through that door. When you're talking with, they always say no politics, no religion at the dinner table. It doesn't seem to family seems to break right through that door. It's not a coworker, it's not somebody you kind of know that seems to be accepted in the real world, but with family, religion and politics seems to kick the door down a little bit and you're going to have that conversation.
Speaker 1:When you say kick the door down a little bit, going to have that conversation when you say kick the door down a little bit.
Speaker 2:What do you on that protocol that, like with, uh, with a friend of, of a business friend or some friend, a lot of times religion and politics don't come in. It's like a water cooler kind of rule, like you know, or or whatever. It's just like no, no religion of politics at the dinner table, Like when you're having dinner with friends or or you're, um, you know, you, you know, maybe on a podcast you shouldn't be talking about it, but that'd probably be the, that'd probably be a, a challenge yeah yeah, if that was the word, I think is the uncomfortable uncomfortable, it it well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've experienced discomfort from my family yeah politics and religion babe, we did it we did it.
Speaker 1:I don't know how many months it's been it's been.
Speaker 2:It's been too long. Long enough to lose sponsors. Um how many with spotify game. Give me a number. Blend game um, let's say 15 jeez god, I'm not even, because I'm a broken record. One, two, three. Broken record. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.
Speaker 2:Here we go. Uh-oh, it's not obvious yet you, it's updated. It's been a long time. I can't move on. Baby doll, ain't no girl? I'm living two states, I'm out. It's going to be good for our. I can already tell this music. Whatever, this is going to be good for our Podcast description and SEO outreach, because I don't listen. I don't think this is me, man, but it we got to guess.
Speaker 1:Familiar, but I just don't know. Bailey, I'm going to go.
Speaker 2:Bailey, what do you guess? We got a guess Familiar, but I just don't know Bailey. I'm going to go, bailey, what do?
Speaker 1:you guess Taylor, it's not Taylor.
Speaker 2:Three of us Taylor Bailey and Brian Wow, dominic Fike. It must be on a download playlist or something. You know what? I bet you it is. I bet you it's like a Mac Miller sort of radio kind of situation.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Babe, we dropped a podcast. We did finally, and we'll be back on the regular a little bit, because I think somebody's feeling a little more balanced in the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know I've shared this with you. A request from a listener.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute.
Speaker 1:To talk about loss. I know I've shared this with you a request from a listener Wait a minute To talk about loss, loss of family members.
Speaker 2:We can do that. We can do like a little grief loss episode. Yeah, can we get questions for that? I just want to talk it out.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll do a little research. I'll find some maybe grief-related questions and see if I can come up with something.
Speaker 2:I have one thing, one thought on the whole. Thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Can't get away from it.
Speaker 1:No, you can't.
Speaker 2:Love you, babe. It's gonna happen. I love you. That was fun, bye.