Everything is BS
Navigating Life's Unexpected Events: Freak Accidents, Natural Disasters, and Wedding Etiquette Pt. 2
Ever been to a wedding where Uncle Bob seems to take on the role of an amateur photographer? Have you stumbled upon a situation where a wedding guest made a major personal announcement at someone else's wedding? Then this episode is for you. We're taking an in-depth look into the world of wedding guest and photographer etiquette, discussing everything from the ever-present "Uncle Bob" phenomenon, to the importance of setting clear boundaries and expectations when it comes to photography and social media posts.
We've got a lot to unpack here. We're discussing the dos and don'ts of what to wear, when to arrive, and how to navigate those tricky conversations. We also touch on the importance of respecting the couple's music choices and why it's downright inappropriate to steal the couple's thunder with your own personal announcements. And for the photographers in the audience, we'll be touching on how you can handle family dynamics, respect the couple's desired photo list and navigate the social implications of the pandemic.
In the spirit of lightheartedness, we'll be touching on the difference between 'poor behavior' and 'trash' at weddings. We'll also be looking at the intricacies of time management at a wedding, from the receiving line to releasing the bride and groom from conversations with guests. And, of course, we'll discuss the importance of being mindful of your behavior and how small considerations can help keep the event running smoothly. So, whether you're a wedding guest, the unofficial photographer, or just enjoy a good laugh, you don't want to miss this episode.
Ever been to a wedding where Uncle Bob seems to take on the role of an amateur photographer? Have you stumbled upon a situation where a wedding guest made a major personal announcement at someone else's wedding? Then this episode is for you. We're taking an in-depth look into the world of wedding guest and photographer etiquette, discussing everything from the ever-present "Uncle Bob" phenomenon, to the importance of setting clear boundaries and expectations when it comes to photography and social media posts.
We've got a lot to unpack here. We're discussing the dos and don'ts of what to wear, when to arrive, and how to navigate those tricky conversations. We also touch on the importance of respecting the couple's music choices and why it's downright inappropriate to steal the couple's thunder with your own personal announcements. And for the photographers in the audience, we'll be touching on how you can handle family dynamics, respect the couple's desired photo list and navigate the social implications of the pandemic.
In the spirit of lightheartedness, we'll be touching on the difference between 'poor behavior' and 'trash' at weddings. We'll also be looking at the intricacies of time management at a wedding, from the receiving line to releasing the bride and groom from conversations with guests. And, of course, we'll discuss the importance of being mindful of your behavior and how small considerations can help keep the event running smoothly. So, whether you're a wedding guest, the unofficial photographer, or just enjoy a good laugh, you don't want to miss this episode.
Well, that was. my next thing was and it's funny it's funny that I'm saying this because I have an Uncle Bob, but this is how they're referred to is the Uncle Bob who thinks that they're a photographer? Um?
Speaker 2:My father-in-law's name is Bob, So it's not this Bob.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So here's the thing is. I would strongly encourage Uncle Bob to leave the camera at home. It's not going to happen, like I know. I'm just like hoping for the best, but I'm expecting the worst. Uncle Bob is bringing his camera. If Uncle Bob brings his camera, you need to, as a bride and a groom, or a wedding couple, you need to set the expectations for both your photographer and also Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob is not allowed to take photos while we're posing you for your actual portraits. No, absolutely not. Oh yeah, that's his Because.
Speaker 1:Uncle Bob will go home, and this is my next this is my next, And then post them wet a kit.
Speaker 1:He'll post them before you have an opportunity as the wedding couple to post the photos that you want to. And also, that's not Uncle Bob's work. Us posing you is part of our entire thing. He doesn't get to stand over your shoulder as a photographer and take the portraits that you're setting up Absolutely not Family portraits. I don't really care. If you want to get that's fine, like if you want to grab extras of the family. Just, you know we always say things happen to cameras and electronics and equipment and all of that. So if Uncle Bob is behind you with his camera and I'm setting up family photos, that's totally different. I'm talking about, like, the creative portraits that you're doing as the wedding couple.
Speaker 2:And I usually do those far away from people. I mean it totally depends on the location If they were doing portraits. I actually have a family member approaching, unless it's the maid of honor, with something you know of assistance, or mom, or maybe even dad, you know, for whatever. I don't even know what the reason would be, but for whatever reason, if anybody else is walking over, that would be an immediately put my camera down and be like hi, can we help you? Like we have a you know time limit.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I would never even let them stand there. That would, that would.
Speaker 1:I've had a few that have taken photos over my shoulder And then when I go home I look at the tagged photos like from like that night I'll go home and looked at the tag photos of the bride and the groom And Uncle Bob posted the photo that they took with my pose, without my. So then when I post that same ish photo, but with my edits and stuff, it doesn't have the same feel for the bride and the groom, Like it just doesn't. They've already kind of seen it.
Speaker 2:That's so bizarre, yeah, that's Brute, oh it's so rude. I haven't had that one happen yet. So I uh, and I hope, cross my fingers, don't have to Knock on wood Yeah knock on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, oh um, so that was that was the next thing was posting before the bride and the groom have the opportunity to do So.
Speaker 1:So I don't I think.
Speaker 1:I think social media is so prevalent in this day and age that brides and grooms and wedding couples understand I just need to get used to saying wedding couples, Like I always say bride and groom, And then I'd like go into being like inclusive, like wedding couple.
Speaker 1:I want to make sure that I'm including everybody. But, um, I think wedding couples understand now, when you go, you know when people come to your wedding, they're going to post photos of the wedding. I think maybe what you can do as a guest, which would be really nice to do, is not really hold yourself back from posting the photos from the wedding, but maybe holding back from posting photos of the bride and the groom or the wedding couple, Um, until they have the opportunity to post themselves, until they have some previews from their you know their photographers, If you want to post photos of the champagne wall, if you want to post photos of the arch, from the ceremony, but I think Photos of the couple coming out before the professional photos. I think it totally depends on the couple, but I could see how some people might get bent out of shape having their first photos as a married couple be posted by somebody who has really really bad shots of them.
Speaker 2:I'd be really interested to do a poll on that, see if, to see if technology has changed that assumption. Um, if people just assume that people are taking photos of their pictures and they're throwing it up on Instagram and more, whatever.
Speaker 1:Cause I would think I would be, I would totally be okay with it. I don't know, but Yeah, there are some people who are private and want to have the opportunity to like.
Speaker 2:If that was the case, through that, they need to make that clear. That would be the advice that you need to make sure. I mean, if you're that, if you Feel strongly about that, you should put on your like invitations, you should put it on on a sign. I would just be say, if that, if that would upset you that someone's gonna post a photo, because I would go to guess This day and age I I would assume that that's someone. I think it's more the tagging.
Speaker 1:But if you're on Facebook, you can definitely like before you get married. If you have a problem Like if you have an issue with that happening, you could make your Your tagged photos private so that you have to review the ones that you accept after the wedding day. So that's something to think about. It was just it was on a list of the things that guests shouldn't do and I was like I don't, i don't feel strongly about that one. I feel like it totally depends on the couple, but I don't know. Maybe if you want to try to be like as Um, as careful as possible, like, you could post the details, but not necessarily a photo of the bride and the groom or wedding couple.
Speaker 2:Interesting, that's a good one.
Speaker 1:It was on, i think it was on like a vogue article or something, and I was like me, i don't really. I think that's fine, but yeah.
Speaker 2:I, i would lean heavily into technology and what People's assumptions are at this day and age, which it totally Changes trends and how everyone feels about it. So I, but I don't know, i don't, i don't know how much people.
Speaker 2:I think I lean in with you that. I think I would be okay with it, but not what you've described. Like I'm doing portraits My bride and groom portraits and like someone posted it that night was not the photographer. That would be odd. It would be one thing if it was like we're doing it in an open field and somebody shot it from the cocktail hour Far away in the window and like I saw the photographer in it or something, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like if someone over my shoulder doing it that that would be just, yeah, i would, i would stop what I was doing You like can?
Speaker 1:I went home and I was hot. I was so mad, i was like I understand dude. Yeah, okay, you give me one.
Speaker 2:All right. So this is a big one, um, drink responsibly. Drink responsibly at the wedding. What does that mean? because there's an open bar, a little lot of weddings is an open bar, or beer and wine hour or sometimes just cash bar, doesn't matter. Usually, at a majority of weddings, there's alcohol available, um, and at the open bar ones, you know, we go into it going especially as guests with friends That you haven't partied with in a long time. You got everybody in the same room. It's awesome, super exciting. You, just you know they've got their drink, um, their specialty drink that's sometimes named after a favorite pet, something, just something cute, and it's just, in a lot of times, yep, yep, and That you can get carried away really easily.
Speaker 2:So You, this, this is an important one because you don't, it's somebody's wedding day. It's still a classy event, even with, even with, even if they're a Dancy vibey, just, you know we want to go hard and have a great time. There's still a fine line between, you know, being buzzed, having a few drinks and like even getting a little bit more than tipsy, just a little bit. But when you cross into blackout, drunk, um, you know that's too much, that's, that's too much, and I would go to say, unless you're literally You turn 21 and this is the first time you're having drinks and you have no idea what your limits are yet And you just like blah. But if you're again I'll say this a grown-ass adult who should know that at this point. That's just so To watch.
Speaker 2:And I should say we'll break this down into two different categories. I'll just say, and there's those variations of this, but I'm going to say large wedding, small wedding and small wedding. I'm saying 50 or less, 50 or less people where you were selected as a guest in a very tight list of the people to be on their special day. And if you Are walking out of there Before the wedding is over and you're just, you know, literally puking, i think that means you went too hard, it's just not, it's just not a good look, it's not respectable.
Speaker 2:Um, you want to, you want to finish up the wedding and it's A bigger wedding again, it's not great, but it's it's a little bit easier to like Disappear. And if you really did drink that much um, but you should watch it You should definitely not go into the wedding. I think that's what I'm trying to say. You shouldn't go into the wedding, thinking I'm going to get blackout drunk tonight, because that is not the appropriate Place to do it. As fun as it may seem to have the open bar and to you, know you that's what it's there for. Go ahead, have as many drinks as you'd like, within reason within reason.
Speaker 2:So you are not out of control Because you don't, we it's, it's not. Luckily, at least for myself, it has not been common place, which is great. I've seen the one-off individuals who definitely you can point out and be like They are having a really good time.
Speaker 1:You know I had a lot to drink, Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's been very rare for me to see somebody. You know, i have seen it, um, you know, completely gone, like just gone, and it's like they're not going to remember this, like that. That's how much they're in the bag.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just you.
Speaker 2:You don't want to do that in somebody's special day.
Speaker 1:I think the most important part of that for me is like, like you said, with the bigger wedding it's easier to get away with it. It's easier because there are so many people and Yeah, either way, big wedding, small weddings they, they chose you to be on that guest list and they paid for your meal. And if you are, i don't know, i, um, yeah, i don't like it. I uh, i feel like people are uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:You don't want to make, you don't want to keep a bride and groomer reason to feel uncomfortable on a day that they're supposed to feel really good about, right and looking around your table or your multiple tables and seeing that someone's missing and being like um Okay, where did they go.
Speaker 1:Especially for the small weddings like I just feel Yeah, I feel pretty strongly about that one Um It just because it shouldn't be your goal to go into somebody's wedding and things do happen.
Speaker 2:Body chemistry is always different and there are just sometimes where I've We've said this where it's like I feel like I had three drinks and I'm like I'm almost falling over, and it's just some days that. And then there are days where I feel like I've had, you know, a handful of beers at a summer event and you don't feel it at all and you're right, and it's sometimes that does happen, but generally speaking, that's if you don't have uh, you're not a magician and can't control your body chemistry.
Speaker 2:So for the most part you should know what your limit is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is pretty rude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just totally it's just rude. It's just a little rude So do you want to take one?
Speaker 1:I'll take one, okay, um, the dress code. So for some of them I saw don't wear white. For some of them I saw don't wear black, for a majority of which I loved we asked everybody to wear black, but a Majority case you asked them. Yeah, that's a majority of what. Well, here's the thing, though, is that I would I totally would wear black to a wedding, because I didn't know that was the thing, and all I really wear is black.
Speaker 2:So okay, let me take a step back. Um, i was just focusing on the fact that you asked them. So then, that's okay for whatever you asked them. That's your wedding. Um but specifically the color black. Yeah, i would. I don't think I would have thought of that, as I know white Like an all white dress.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you definitely don't want to somebody said In the poll that I put up, like there was a guest that was wearing a floor length dress that was all white, and it was the only thing as another guest that they could like even think about is. Like how rude is that? But well, the real big one, though, was Dress, dress.
Speaker 2:Dress appropriately.
Speaker 1:Dress appropriately. You don't have to wear the sexiest dress in your Closet, especially if there are religious. There are religious vibes to the wedding that you are going to Be respectful, that the wedding day isn't about. You. Don't wear white, don't wear something that is way too revealing and have You know that's gonna pull the attention away from the wedding couple. Um, if you feel like, if it's even a thought in your brain That says is this appropriate? I'll answer it for you right here. No, it's not. No, it's not. If you have to question whether your outfit is too sexy to go to a wedding No, it's not appropriate. No.
Speaker 2:No, that's yeah. So between that, the, the color sheen scheme, i can't say words.
Speaker 1:Oh man, now you got me saying color sheen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's. I mean, that's pretty straightforward. I feel like that that, if you don't know that, this point Um.
Speaker 1:All right, fine, i'll do another one.
Speaker 2:Chris Do another name.
Speaker 1:Fine, okay, one of my brides replied to my poll with this specific example showing up extremely early to watch picks being taken and hoping to jump into them.
Speaker 2:Whoa, that's not. I didn't even consider that as an option on our conversation today. That's a really specific one.
Speaker 1:So which is so funny because this is one of my brides and I don't remember that happening at their wedding.
Speaker 2:I know that there are. there's always individuals show up early, and I for a wedding day about better early than late, If we had to if you find yourself always being late, try to be a little early so that you're on time. Also, though, if you're like, when we say super early, how early are we talking? We talking like, are we talking an hour hour early off the because? that would be odd.
Speaker 1:I think, as a general rule of thumb, you should show up to a wedding 30 minutes early. 30 minutes early because that's you start to walk in there. The ceremony is usually set up about 30 minutes early. So if you are trying to make sure that you're on time and you don't know how early you can get there, 30 minutes is acceptable. Anything before that, even if you park, you sit in your car and you wait.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just wait. If you, if you came from somewhere really far and you didn't know I mean there's a lot of variables to this If you came from somewhere that's three, four hours away, and especially up here in New England, if you're in Connecticut, a lot of people might be coming from Long Island or Manhattan or have to drive through those areas And you're accounting for traffic.
Speaker 2:And it's a Friday and you've got to account for summer traffic. You know there's a lot of reasons why someone could be really early. If so, if you're really early and you get there or or just go So recently that happened to a wedding that I attended where there was a there was a what the heck was it? We were either really early or there was like a lot of time in between And we just went. We just found a place to go like hang out for a second, and you just like like a restaurant, a bar, like hang out and chill, but to sit at the ceremony site and you know an hour plus early and just be like I'm just going to sit here and wait, that's that is a little odd. I think the end of the result, at least my thoughts, would be if you do get there early, yeah, like Brooke said, just, i guess hang out somewhere, not near the bride and groom, because they're going to be seeing you there.
Speaker 2:They will be stressed out. They'll be like why the? guests here I've seen. I can say that I've seen that happen multiple times where the bride and groom in the middle. At that point we're still usually doing photos, and especially if it's first look, i should say if we're doing a first look.
Speaker 1:And we account time to be able to go. Okay, guests are here. We have to hide and go somewhere else where we can either take portraits, or the bride and the groom or the wedding couple is hiding. Yeah, so if you get there earlier than that, then you're not going. You're like you're kind of throwing off our timeline too. I don't know about you Because the bride doesn't, or you know, yeah, no, that's happened to me a few times 30 minutes is my, my general cutoff.
Speaker 2:That's always like my, yeah. So if a five o'clock ceremony and we're doing all the photos beforehand, it doesn't matter where we are 430.
Speaker 1:We're done, yeah.
Speaker 2:Hide, yep, yep, same. So yeah, this is an interesting one. I think the I think the more important part of your bride's poll would be try to get into the photo. That's bizarre. No, you probably won't. I mean you can after, when you know it's a cocktail hour or just you know everyone's jamming, having a good time And you want to even pull them aside and be like I would love a photo with you. Then it's appropriate, not before the ceremony. Not during the first like that's.
Speaker 1:that's So. similarly, showing up late if you show up late to a wedding and you know that the wedding has already started, you stay in the back Like let's just say that you, it's an outdoor ceremony, that I'm thinking of like a very specific.
Speaker 1:You see that the ceremony has already started. Stay in the back. Do not try to find a seat. Do not. If you're late, you're late, That's it. You stay in the back of the ceremony. If you want to walk up and be standing behind the last row, or whatever, that's fine. You want to see the ceremony. Do not. Do not walk in and try to find a seat while the ceremony is happening, Because now not only are you late, but you're also taking the attention and bringing it to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a tough one Here. I'll throw a wrench into that, though What if it's an outdoor ceremony and it's a big open field? Where do you go?
Speaker 1:You just stand behind the people that are sitting, like you stand behind that last row of chairs.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, then then. yeah, that's then, that's that. You're just saying don't walk to the front.
Speaker 1:I'm saying don't walk, don't like, oh like, where can I sit? You know, like somebody trying to like to niggle away to be able to sit for the remainder of the ceremony, which, If you're late like you're just late You kind of just have to deal with it. Deal with it, but you don't want to take the attention off of that. I've seen people walk into church weddings and the big doors open up, and then the big doors boom and it slams closed. And you're like who was so important that they just had to come in here and do that.
Speaker 2:Well, at the church ones are tough, because then otherwise you just got to sit on the outside. So it's just how brave are you? Are you going to just walk through those? Usually churches have the three sets of doors. Usually there's the big main doors and there's usually like two side doors. If you can remember, go through the side door and hold on to the door, because usually those doors are wooden and heavy, and do that. A slam shot, crazy So you go, hold on to it, let it close quietly pick a pew that's towards the back and slide in there.
Speaker 1:But if you think you're going to be making any noise at all, just don't. Just stay in the back, don't you know?
Speaker 2:you can watch The ceremony started. I mean, you don't know what point they're about to bow is like you can't.
Speaker 1:I've had people walk in in between the bridesmaids and the bride And you're like wait what? Yeah, yeah, no, it gets really that's where I'm like okay, if you're late, you're late and you just kind of got to eat that mistake. You know you can't. You can't be trying to finagle your way in.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, Yeah it might sound harsh, but like I've seen too many words, like the last bridesmaid goes down and then someone walks down and you know they might have like the one specific time that I'm thinking was this I think it was an aunt or something and she had some mobility issues so she was walking with a cane, but she, you know, there's a specific song that the bridesmaids walk down and then usually there's a change in song for the bride to walk down and in between that change they had to stop the song and hold. So it was just silent while this person very slowly walked down to find a seat with the cane and it just was like Okay, yeah, yep, okay, i should say yep, yep, it's happening, it's slowly up, okay.
Speaker 2:It's your cognizant, it's just, it removes attention. That's the big point.
Speaker 1:Right So. All right, okay, you give me one. so.
Speaker 2:I do have one, a good one, and it is about the speech. If you're someone who gets the Pleasure or the honor of doing one of the toasts and as much as maybe you don't want to, you still it is an honor that you were selected, because you are that person's person for that moment that they have selected. You Do not, in your speech, talk about exes that is so Tacky and.
Speaker 1:I hate using the word tacky sometimes such a?
Speaker 2:no, it's a. It's a little bit of an older word, but that is. That is what it is. It is Disrespectful, tacky You there. Their focus, especially during toasts, is about them. It's about their relationship and their future bride and groom. The moment You bring up an ex, that is even if everyone in the room ha ha, because that's what they're gonna do, because it's uncomfortable to bring it up.
Speaker 1:Anyway yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's still. Do you want, do you want that on The bride or groom's mind? Do you want them thinking about that on their wedding day? No, that, that memory is gone. No, you locked away, not be thought about on that day um.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you something really funny?
Speaker 2:I let's hear it.
Speaker 1:I had a um efficient Who knew the groom but not the bride. I Dressed the bride by the ex's name. You're gonna say in the ceremony Oh my god, and everybody was like.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, i mean I would crawl into a hole with wherever I was get a shovel, dig it. I'm gone. Goodbye, goodbye. That's yeah. And I, i'm sure that individual felt, i would hope to hope that they felt terrible, uh, and that it was just an accident and a stake them nervous, not thinking through. That's yeah and that's that is. It's a.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it was awful and I honestly, like I don't know, i I think, i think I even remember the the efficient, basically being like Oh my god. Oh my god, like I knew, i knew the other one too, like just kind of trying to like backtrack, like I didn't do this Like maliciously, like I've known these people for so long and like you know, but it's still just like.
Speaker 2:When you're in a public speaking position, regardless of what the position is, if that's just, you know, even for just a few minutes, people get nervous and sometimes And that's just an unfortunate- An unfortunate name to come out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a pretty bad one.
Speaker 2:But okay, as a general rule, do not do it on purpose, do not incorporate it into your toast. That is terrible. Don't say you know all the x's?
Speaker 1:Haha, that's, that's not good, that's that's very bad and keep it, to keep it short, keep it short, keep it lighthearted.
Speaker 2:Keep it short. Nobody wants to hear you talk for 10 minutes. Everybody's hungry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, five minutes is a lot. It's like two minutes, three max. If you have a very funny story or something like that, that doesn't include an x. but Two minutes is usually like, okay, let's get this person out of here. Um, going right along with our reception, because I don't have anything else to say about that unless you do.
Speaker 2:No, you're just a terrible person if you do that.
Speaker 1:Agreed, agreed. Dj song requests keep it to a minimum. Please do not go up there and request a million songs. There's a really really good chance.
Speaker 2:No wedding couple.
Speaker 1:One, yes, there's a really good chance that the wedding couple has given their DJ or their band a set list of what they would like to be played, so for you to go up there and think that you are the DJ One, you are not. And two, your music's probably trashed. Just kidding, but I'm just saying like, no, but if somebody, if somebody was, you know, let's say that you went to a wedding and the wedding couple hated Just, for example, taylor swift, and one of the guests is like, oh my god, play taylor swift. Oh my god, but what about this one? It's like Okay, but this isn't about you and the music that you like and the music that you want to hear. This is about the bride and the groom and what they have carefully curated to be able to be enjoyed by their guests.
Speaker 2:Brooks love for taylor. Swift is coming out. Just hear it.
Speaker 1:One of us is a swiftie, and it's not me, all right.
Speaker 2:I will say the last wedding I just did the. The girl was a swiftie and they I'm tangenting, but we'll come right back the yeah, the uh. When we were doing getting ready photos in the uh, the flat light was the first thing I was working on And you get a solid. You know, i need about 30 minutes to do it and It was just a taylor swift playlist and I was thinking to myself like Man, i really am a swiftie because this is enjoyable right now It's like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah. No, i was. I was in the zone and it was just like I was totally, totally down with it.
Speaker 1:It was was so funny.
Speaker 2:Um, so we also need a. I need a sound effect for the amount of times we've said trash. So anytime we label somebody or something or a topic is trash, i need a button that can press. That's just like the beep of the trash.
Speaker 1:Can you should get like something that's said by oscar the grouch or something We're aging ourselves right there? Um, all right, let me do another one. Proposals slash baby announcements at someone else's wedding is a huge. Absolutely no Way do not. It's so funny.
Speaker 2:I've always thought about this because the you know it's in movies, it's in somebody. I'm talking about specifically the proposal portion of that and I have always felt that that was odd. Only because It's somebody else's day, so and you're just taking away all the the light for a second when they've worked so hard for that day, not in a selfish way, but I would go to guess that it depends on If you're gonna do that. If you're gonna propose on somebody's wedding day, you better.
Speaker 2:Damn well sure No, that both of them would be okay with that if you cannot spring that on them Um maybe in your head. You're like this is fine, they're gonna laugh. You know everyone's gonna laugh and be happy about it, and they they might because they have to in the moment, without it being weird.
Speaker 1:Like haha, i don't laugh. I'm gonna look like I'm salty which I am but I don't want to look like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. It's just that's extremely risky. There might be a bride and groom and you both of them. There might be a pair that would be okay with that, But again, you have to know that um if you don't, you have to get permission before you do something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you might really upset them. So you might ruin a friendship that way. That would that would definitely. Yeah, I think if somebody did that Without having let me or Chad know at our wedding, i think that I'm petty enough to try to do something. when they got married, i'd be like and, by the way, we're pregnant, even if we weren't, i'd be like oh my god, you know? like, uh, yeah, i just like I can't at your table. That's so rude.
Speaker 2:Cold sparkler at your table Just shoots the color of the baby It's red or blue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're doing our gender reveal at your wedding. Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:That's funny.
Speaker 1:This one is similar Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna interject with that one because I have one that that ties to that. So, okay, it is, don't steal their thunder keeping major life announcements to yourself. So when I say major life announcements, now I'm going into. You specifically talked about proposals or a baby and what about like? Big career change, something dramatic. That's outside of that At my thoughts were. It depends on what you're telling and when and where yeah you don't talk about it, how big their mouths are.
Speaker 2:Exactly. You don't want to be talking about this at the ceremony, like you know, sitting in your chair next to somebody and be like Hey, guess what? I just got this. You know Whatever, huge, huge promotion and everyone around you is congratulating you and so forth, and it's like, yeah, that would just be.
Speaker 2:That's a. How good is your common sense Like? are you a good street wise person? If you're not, don't do this. You know, figure out where and when you should be talking about stuff like that. I'm not Agreed. You're. You're at the tables at the reception and you're at the cocktail. You're like by the way, that's fine. Yeah you're everyone's. You're seeing people you probably haven't seen in a long time If it's family, and it's really exciting to talk about that stuff, and I think that's completely fine, i'm just talking about the like.
Speaker 1:Please don't make a big deal of it, like it's a secret. We haven't told anybody but, i, just want to share this with you.
Speaker 2:You just don't want the whole wedding to go around all the guests and be like, oh my god, you hear about this person because they, you know this blah blah, blah thing. This is again it's. It sounds very selfish but it's not your day, it's just kind of it And it comes back to you.
Speaker 1:If there is a risk, if there's a risk of the bride and the groom finding out about this big thing that you just told someone else and coming up to you and congratulating you at their wedding, keep it to yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If the bride and the groom catch wind that something's going on, that's big enough to come to you and say congratulations, and they had no idea about it before the wedding. To me, that's keep it to yourself. You can have that moment another day.
Speaker 2:And it's. I think it just comes back to again street smarts.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know how good is your common sense, because the way when I'm saying it out loud it sounds like wow, we're giving a lot of like rules for somebody right now And it's you know. you shouldn't have to think about all these rules, but this is more of a common sense. That's my point. That you know, we're just talking about common sense. We're talking about common sense things that we've seen, that potentially we assumed were common sense and apparently it's not. So this is when you got to talk about it.
Speaker 1:The older I get, the less common sense I think other humans have And I'm like what is wrong with all of you Who raised you?
Speaker 2:Realistically. This is. I'm actually concerned. There was think about the generation that was in their prime like, let's say, like fifth graders to eighth graders at the time the pandemic started and had minimal social interaction for nearly two years. They are I'm hearing it from other teachers who are my couples that they are dealing with it still. These like very they're, you know, they're lashing out, they're doing like weird things And it's like man. We didn't think how much of a an effect that would have on socialization.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, absolutely. So I'm curious about that. There's going to be like a mini generation. We're going to have to call them.
Speaker 2:That was in that time period that you know how are they going to handle life, like you know, their social skills going to be like are they going to be able to continue to develop them and they'll be on this, you know we'll be good or are we going to have things like this where we're having this conversation and we're like how did you, how could you think that was okay to do this, and then being like I don't know?
Speaker 1:Lots of therapy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's lots of conversations. That's what we're going to need A lot of talking.
Speaker 1:They should have a a common sense therapy.
Speaker 2:That's okay. Side job.
Speaker 1:So then my next one, which is similar but not the same thing, but kind of similar, of like stealing, like the thunder, you know, is asking the photographer as a guest, pulling them away from special moments, to take your family Christmas card.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've had that happen Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do not do that.
Speaker 2:And I've. So this is a great two different spectrums here. Photographers, guests who's listening to this? If you are in the photographer realm something that I've just started doing is in my, like, final questionnaire sheet is asking this question Basically like how strong do you feel about guests or your family members, whatever the who've you've invited to your wedding, you know approached and is asking for photos that are not you too, or you know, off to the side, photos like beyond me, walking around the cocktail hour reception, or my second shooter, if we're in the middle of something and someone's like Hey, can you take my family shot this time, which I've had happen during family photos, which I have a list, you have a list and we have a crunch time to get them done, drives me insane.
Speaker 2:But I understand, because there's people there. I understand it's with good intention. There's family members there that probably haven't been there and it's kids and a parent really wants to get these photos together and maybe the bride and groom didn't have them on the list. I have to ask the bride and groom what is your comfort level? where, if somebody asks me this, are you okay with me answering yes and then saying hold on, or is this a you know? no, this is ple. This person's going to ask you to do that. Tell them, yeah, sure, and then please don't do it, or you know, how do you ever had, how do you?
Speaker 1:want to go about this because have you ever had a couple? Have you ever had a couple? that is not okay with that happening, cause I think that any of my couples would just be like. I mean, i guess, like it's fine, no-transcript, it's almost a way for us to just be like. I just want to let you know this is really annoying, you know am I allowed to say no.
Speaker 2:Well, to the point where I don't know if they've fully expected that people might do that, like yeah, and then how to go about it. So I have had. What I have had is couples give me a forewarning about maybe a certain family member that will probably be aggressive and do something like that, and if they do ask you, please just tell them no, we have a list, that's it. They want to stick to the list That is what.
Speaker 2:I have had, and then you have to, you know, unfortunately put on that that face of like no, i've got to. You know, you just kind of have to real quick, confident, no, i've got a list, i've got to get through this. And then we got to move on Like I'm so sorry And that's that's it. You just say, politely, nicely, and it's a little helpful, though, that you've had this conversation, because you know for a fact that you have the backing of the couple that they're going to be okay with that.
Speaker 1:So like almost just like saying so basically what you're saying is you almost ask your brides and grooms like am I okay with saying there's a carefully curated list that I am instructed to follow and this photo is not on my list. So if you have somebody, take it with a phone or yeah, that's.
Speaker 2:I think that's completely okay And just say you know, if they again, if I'm in the reception and we've done a million dance photos and you have a second there and they come to side and they're like can you grab a picture of us? I'm probably obviously going to say, yeah, that's, that's my job at that moment, But it probably isn't going to come out that good, because you've all been drinking and the lighting and all of those things.
Speaker 1:It's very, it's a very quick decision to be like oh, just get our Christmas card. I guarantee you, if you're pulling the photographer away from special moments to go get a Christmas card, it's probably not going to be your Christmas card. You're probably going to be like Oh, actually I didn't realize that we looked this disheveled after drinking all night.
Speaker 2:It happens. I would go to say say this carefully that it happens less and less because, just because everyone has cell phones, so I see people doing photos all the time with their cell phones at weddings. They're doing that And that's that's going to be potentially their Christmas card. But if they want it from from us, it's. It's totally dependent upon time how the bride and groom feels, and you know, if we finish everything and I have an extra 20 minutes and the guests are just standing there, yeah And I'm good to go.
Speaker 2:But that's, that's fine, but please don't interrupt. Interrupting us is the. I think maybe that's where we're trying to get at. Don't interrupt us while we're still doing our job with the with the list.
Speaker 1:But even if we're not, if we're eating, if we are eating at a table and you see that we've been busting our butts all day and we just sat down to eat we are served after the guests. This is a very specific thing that I want for and I'm going to sound like a biatch, i know it, but we are served after everyone else. So by the time we get our meal, generally we have five minutes to scarf it down And the other people are done, guests are done, bride and groom are done.
Speaker 1:So if you see that the photographer is eating and you're like Oh well, i'm done, So they probably have had their meal for a while. No, we haven't. Nope, we haven't. We just sat down. And for you to ask us to get up from our plate when we've been shooting for probably eight hours at that point.
Speaker 2:The way I look at it the only, the only people that have the that have the authority and permission to if we're sitting down eating and they need a photo, is the bride and groom and maybe the parents. That's about. If they come up to me and say we really need this photo, i will stop what I'm doing and I will go take the photo. I am there for them. I'm there for them.
Speaker 1:The people who paid me. Oh yeah, i'll get out of my chair for you, if it is a.
Speaker 2:If I, if this was one of my first weddings and a guest asked me while I was eating, i probably would have done it, and then been upset that I didn't get to eat, and then I don't get to eat for the rest of the night, and that's terrible because we're on our feet for 10, 11, 12 hours So, and then usually an hour plus drive home most of the time.
Speaker 1:So it's we might get 10 minutes during the day to sit down, and if you're asking us to get up and do something during that 10, minutes when you weren't the one who hired us. Please just don't.
Speaker 2:This is not a complaint session on you know, feel bad for us because of that. No, this is more over a. If it's a guest asking the photographer, when they are sitting down to eat, to take photos of them, the answer is going to be no. Because it's that's no. You find this when we get back up again, we need to sit down and eat.
Speaker 1:Oh no, where did you go? Where did you go, i'm right here, Brooke, well, can you still see me?
Speaker 2:I can. Nothing's changed on my end.
Speaker 1:What a weird. I can't find you.
Speaker 2:Just you're, I promise you're still there, So at least we have that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I can't see you, but you can see me which is fine.
Speaker 2:Is the? is the window still?
Speaker 1:open, Somebody tried to call in and now you are gone.
Speaker 2:So somebody tried to call into this No, into my phone, So I'm just Oh okay, i'll just pretend like I can see you, but I can't. Yeah, i can, i can see you I promise, so it's still recording.
Speaker 1:Perfect. Um, okay, this, i think, is my last one. Well, i have on my list, assuming the new last name, which I think that it's just fair to say. just don't assume anything anymore. I think, now that we're we're in a day and age where people do whatever they want. Um, i know a lot of people came to our wedding and, and I'm never going to, you know, if somebody calls me Mrs Mayhew, i'm never going to be like, don't call me that. You know, like, i married into the Mayhew family. I'm not, you know, um, but it's, you know, assuming that they have a new last name. but that's not my last one. I just wanted to kind of sprinkle that in there. Um, talking with the bride in the groom forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a yep, yep So the bride in the groom.
Speaker 1:very sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, no, i'm sorry I I interrupted you. I was going to say this this pairs with drinking too much, because this will lead into that. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, i was just going to say the bride in the groom likely have a lot of people to be chatting with on their wedding day And if you are taking up tons of time to talk about all of your things and a lot of the time, it is because you're drinking a lot and you're excited to see them and I'll. I totally get it. Yeah, it's not. it's not like um, it's. it's not like, uh, you're a bad person, like you know.
Speaker 1:we've talked about a lot of other things that are very rude. you know they're very rude to do at a wedding to a bride in the groom or a wedding couple. This one is like we, we understand you're so excited to see them, to talk to them, to tell her or him how beautiful they are, all of those things Like I. I totally understand, but just keep in mind that there are likely, unless you have an intimate wedding, which is easier to be able to have, like those personal conversations, um, but if you're going to a wedding with a hundred people plus, even 75 plus, it takes a lot of time to be able to have that same amount of time that they had with you, with their other guests. So if you think in your brain.
Speaker 1:I'm you know we've been talking for five minutes just kind of, i guess, like softly release them and be like I know you have other things to do, we'll catch up later. You know, like, unless the bride in the groom and the wedding couple are hanging out around you specifically and they're choosing to do that, but if, if you kind of feel like, oh, we've been taking a lot of of their time, it is a really polite thing to do as a guest to kind of like release them to be able to spend the other time with other people. Um, there are a lot of people who don't even get to say hi to everybody at their wedding, and so if you're taking up tons, of time um, it's a no no for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a a good way to kind of understand how much time it takes to talk to everybody. I always the the example I always give is when we talk about reset our recession lines, um, receiving lines, if that's going to be a which isn't, isn't so much a thing anymore as it used to be, but I've only had it happen And it's, it's all those things.
Speaker 2:If they want it, that's fine. You, just, we have you. I need to know that way ahead of time and you need to have your planner know that ahead of time And you need to make sure that if you are planning the ceremony time and your reception time, you have to understand that the receiving line, pending the amount of guests you have, takes a long fucking time. It really does. Because the best way to describe it and this goes hand in hand with exactly what you're talking about, brooke is I always tell everybody when they say you know, are you going to do receiving line Yeah, we were thinking about it.
Speaker 2:Like, you know, is that okay? And I'd say like, yeah, i mean, it's your wedding, Do whatever you want. I'm fully here to support it. The picture has always come out great because everybody's hugging and happy and it looks wonderful. And but I say you know, are you prepared to understand how long it's going to take? And they say, well, how long is it going to take? And I tell them well, how many guests do you think it's going to be? They said, well, 125. And I go okay, that's going to take probably 40 minutes, that's going to cut 40 minutes of your day, just letting you know, and they're like 40 minutes.
Speaker 1:Even if it's a 30 second conversation with every single person.
Speaker 2:That's what I say. I say, imagine every person who's going to want to talk to you and some people will take longer than not because they won't they'll be the ones that don't stop talking. There will be some that will just hug you and move on, The absolutely, but there will be some that do not. So let's just assume that you talk to every person for 30 seconds, And it's so 125 people, 30 seconds, So you can basically cut that in half. That's 62 and a half minutes, And they're like oh, and it's like yeah, yeah, it's a lot of people. So, and then you go into the weddings with and what's funny is the people who want to do the receiving lines are the ones usually who have the large weddings. They're usually very big church weddings.
Speaker 1:And and, like I said, i have photographed them before and it meant a lot to the couple to do that, but they planned their schedule accordingly, so it just meant that we're, you know, accept that amount of time where normally, if you don't plan for it, it's going right into your photo time, and then us as photographers, while we're loving what we're capturing, like I think some of these things that I'm saying like thank goodness it doesn't happen anymore, is because I've had one or two of those weddings where it's like it's just not planned Because every single person pulled them to the side and said you look so beautiful.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you about how my family is, and it's like you are important to these, to this wedding couple. That's why you're invited. But for right now, we need to move it, move it, move it. I actually just had somebody at a wedding last week go. I think it's so nice how kindly you can tell us to shut the fuck up. That's a great compliment.
Speaker 1:That's amazing, yeah, and I was like I was like I'm really not trying to rush you, but you know we have other things to do and blah, blah, blah. And you know I've got my nice person fit like voice on And they're like wow, that was like the nicest way for you to tell us like shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2:I will say there is. I always. I feel really good when, when you because we we're cognizant too of sounding rude when we need to wrangle people Well, we need that timeline, especially when you've got usually it's the venue coordinator or the wedding planner is just like a hawk behind your shoulder, just like looking at you going like this with the clock, And you're like yeah, So you have to put on that voice.
Speaker 1:It's not me, i know.
Speaker 2:And you've got to. You've got to wrangle these big crowds and you've got to start getting into, like your, your booming voice, like yelling, like Hey, here now, right now, we got to get this done.
Speaker 1:And everybody's filter out. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And to have somebody after all that tell you like that was great, You did a fantastic job, hurting everybody, And it's like thank you. That means a lot to me because yeah, especially being an introvert.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:It is a energy suck, just like, and it hurts It, just it does.
Speaker 1:And you, we get better at it When you have to do it. Oh yeah, okay, we have to move fast. This is how it's going to happen, and then you're going to go back in the tent. You know it's like, oh my God. But yeah, no, i like when people tell me that I have a way of kindly telling that Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2:That's incredible. That's the best compliment. Yeah, i love that. Absolutely love that.
Speaker 1:So that's all I have. Do you have any more on your list?
Speaker 2:No, I think that's good. I think that's good for for today, Perfect And I just want to make one more like.
Speaker 1:I just want to say one more time We love guests, we love weddings. This is literally a list based on things that we've seen happen and happen and consider, you know, the wedding day horror stories. It doesn't mean that it threw off a day in its entirety, it doesn't mean. it's just there are some things like, like Chris said, it's almost like it's too common sense for you to not understand. And then when we see it at weddings, it's like wow, i wonder what is going through that person's head right now. You know. so if you don't want to be that person that we are kind of looking at going, what the hell are they doing? You know these are the rules for you, and if you are a bride or a groom or the wedding couple who is listening to this, these are things that you need to prepare for, because you might assume that so and so is just not planning on bringing the baby. And then the baby shows up. You might assume that everybody knows do not wear white.
Speaker 1:and then someone wearing white shows up or a very, very light silver, like you know, something like that where you need to be kind of cognizant and plan for those things to happen, because I always I tell all of my brides and grooms there will be a wrench in your day. You don't know where it's going to be, You don't know what it's going to be. There's going to be something and you need to prepare yourself for it. So this is the episode about what to prepare for from your guests. So we're not complaining. We love everything except the poor behavior.
Speaker 2:Poor behavior. There we go. That's a bring this full circle Instead of trash.
Speaker 1:It's a really nice way of saying trash.
Speaker 2:It is. I enjoy trash, so I'm going to go with trash.
Speaker 1:You have a really nice way of saying that everything is trash, but yeah, that's all I got. So we'll talk next Tuesday and good luck at your shoot today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, appreciate it Should be good All right guys.
Speaker 1:That's all we got. Bye, Bye.