Unveiling Soul Statements: A Guide to Improved Communication and Self-Awareness with Corey Lyon Folsom

What if you could unlock the key to a successful communication in your love life? 

Join me as I welcome our esteemed guest, love and relationship coach Corey Lyon Folsom, author of the fascinating book Soul Statements, A Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication. 

We delve deep into the concept of Soul Statements and how these differ from traditional affirmations. Corey opens up about his unique journey as a wilderness guide and how it has shaped his approach to communication and spiritual community. 

We talk about the power of returning to our deep center place with the help of Soul Statements and the role they play in understanding emotional triggers.

In our conversation, we venture into the realms of ancient Tantra practices and their role in fostering presence and emotional strength. Corey offers useful insights on using Soul Statements as a tool for self-care. 

He expounds on how self-care can transcend physical boundaries and cater to the soul as well. If you're just beginning your journey with Soul Statements, Corey shares some invaluable advice that you won't want to miss. By the end of this episode, you'll be armed with practical tools and journaling prompts from Corey's book that aim to transform the way you communicate in your relationships. 

So, tune in to this heartening discussion and empower yourself to navigate your journey of love and relationships with the aid of Soul Statements.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:48

Hello everyone, Welcome to our Spiritual Spotlight series. Today I'm joined by Corey Lyons-Foltham. He is a highly regarded love and relationship coach and the author of Soul Statements, A Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication. Corey, thank you so much for coming on the Spiritual Spotlight series. I'm so happy you're here.

Speaker 2: 1:05

I'm happy to be here, Rachel.

Speaker 1: 1:07

So let's just dive right in. This is his book, soul Statements, and it's more of a guidebook and it's not like I love how you put it in the beginning. Don't read this like a novel. So let me ask you this the birth of Soul Statements is creating quite a buzz. What led you to pin down this guide, and can you give our listeners a brief intro of what a Soul Statement actually is?

Speaker 2: 1:32

Certainly so. It just developed through my coaching practice and I was trying to help people in that moment when they decide the meaning to a given event. So, oh, this uncomfortable or unhappy thing happened. Well, what do you tell yourself in that moment to then go forward to your next action, to your next thought? And I thought, why not tell yourself something that's really true, that's unchanging about who you really are deep down on the inside? And so then, if I'm reminding myself, say, there is grit inside me, then my next thought can be colored or affected by that thought, and then my next action can be more empowered. And I just saw such great success with person after person after person. I thought, oh, I should write a blog about this, and the blog became the book.

Speaker 1: 2:45

So that is perfect yeah. Let me ask go ahead please.

Speaker 2: 2:49

Oh, I was just going to say and so the Soul Statement, your second part of that question, it's not so much trying to put yourself into a future state or emotion yourself into somewhere you want to be in the future, but it's that present time declaration to emotionally inhabit. Oh, this is who I really am, this is what I'm actually capable of. It could be another example would be the real me is enough.

Speaker 1: 3:20

So yeah, I really like the idea of Soul Statements. So let me ask you this affirmations versus Soul Statements? Many are familiar with affirmations as a tool for positive thinking. How would you differentiate a Soul Statement from an affirmation?

Speaker 2: 3:36

Yeah. So I would say that a Soul Statement is a type of affirmation, and it's present time. That's the real thing, and you're not trying to become something or inhabit something new. You're returning to your deep center place, your own access, so that you can revolve around your deep value or end values, and so you're not playing some kind of mental trick. You're just giving yourself a reminder of what's already true, and then you can just act in greater alignment with the best version of yourself. So another Soul Statement might be there is strength in my center, my body knows how to heal itself. I have a loving heart.

Speaker 1: 4:31

I love the idea of, I mean, the Soul Statements, and he has a lot of examples in the book and I'm going to jump off topic here. I really like how this book is set up. It really kind of gives you an example and then you go into a Soul Statement and then you actually give people tangible tools to actually apply. And I love the fact that you also give people journaling prompts, because I think people get hung up on. Well, how should I journal? Have you ever noticed that some people are kind of unfamiliar with how to journal? That's kind of odd question to ask, but like, what questions should I ask when I journal? I love the fact that you give actual questions. Have you ever noticed that with your coaching or anything like that?

Speaker 2: 5:16

I have. When I was a wilderness guide many years ago, I made it a very consistent practice to have the students spend one hour usually around midday when we're resting from our hike to go find a place to be by yourself and just sit someplace, bring your journal and write, and the blank page can be just really daunting even in the best circumstances. So I discovered that it was helpful to give them kind of starting points.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Yeah, no, I think that's perfect. So let me actually ask this question. So your background as a wilderness guide and your passion as a love and relationship coach form kind of an intriguing combination. How do these two seemingly distinct paths shape your approach to communication and spiritual community?

Speaker 2: 6:19

Yeah Well, one thing I mean I learned a lot in the wilderness, and what really stands out for me now from this distance of time was that I learned that in order to find solutions to sticky interpersonal issues, because in the wilderness there's pressures and there's challenges and it's a new environment and it's unfamiliar and there's people I don't know that I'm living shoulder to shoulder with and we really needed everyone. I mean we're talking everyone. I'm talking like six or eight people.

Speaker 1: 7:01

Right right.

Speaker 2: 7:02

We needed everyone to kind of be on board with whatever solution or way through the current difficulty, and so we would sit in a circle and we would talk and everyone had their chance to contribute. And there was no manual on how to do this, it was just really learning to be human beings with each other and starting from an assumption of respect, and it was really important to become curious about why would that person have done this thing. And it's the same with, say, couples. And this other person didn't grow up with your body, your gender, your family, your town, your pressures, your challenges, your desires, your dreams, and so however they reacted is probably completely natural and understandable, given all that they have, all their history. And so if we can be curious about why something happened, what someone's motivation was, we can have a better opening to understand.

Speaker 2: 8:18

Oh, they had a value for respect or security or comfort, and sure, I have those values too. I value my security, my comfort, and so we found something, now a desire in common, and we can kind of grow the solution out of that. And also, in the wilderness too, I saw just the power of reaching out for another person when they're struggling and that helping hand, that bit of grace we can offer each other, and so yeah.

Speaker 1: 8:58

That is so important, though, about reaching out for somebody who's struggling, and I feel like that is also something that applies to also you, as a communications coach and a couples coach. I think that's so important because I do ever feel like sometimes, you see, people are kind of like you said. I grew up with a different set of values, different environment, different parents. How do you bridge the gap with people that have completely different backgrounds but want to have a meaningful life together, but maybe struggle to understand each other? It's not intentional. They just they don't resonate with what's going on with the other person.

Speaker 2: 9:39

Yeah, there's generally some level of connection because they're already coupled.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Right.

Speaker 2: 9:50

And so. But couples many times can drift apart and there is a loss of intimacy, and the intimacy is supported by skills, learned skills, and so if we can learn to maybe be quieter, maybe realize we have two eyes, two ears and one mouth, so the mouth's outnumbered. That's a quote.

Speaker 1: 10:20

I say God gave you two ears for a reason.

Speaker 2: 10:24

That's right. That's right. And so in. For instance, I like to say kindness has an outsized impact and if we can suspend for a moment what we want to say, hold a little bit of tension inside and realize this other person wasn't drafted for the position of partner to me, and maybe I'm not the most important person in the room I can still think I am, but I can act like I'm not. And so yeah, so that's kind of how we some of the basis of how we work with each other.

Speaker 1: 11:15

I like that. So one thing that definitely Americans they struggle is self-care. So how do, how can soul statements help busy people improve their self-care?

Speaker 2: 11:27

Yeah, I like to say that self-care is soul care, and if I'm spending time alone whether it's in contemplation or journaling or working out at the gym or just going for a walk, whatever kind of quiets my, the circumstances running around in my head and allows me to just be with me and just enjoy wow, I'm walking that's fantastic. There are people who you wish they could do this and I get to, and so that kind of time alone builds some at least for me, some level of appreciation for just on here. And the more we can be in touch with what feeds our spirit, the more we feed our spirit. Then we have more to offer. We have some self-assuredness that we don't have to interrupt or butt in as much. We can just be a little more secure in our center, knowing who we are, and they're more able to listen.

Speaker 1: 12:54

Yeah, I like that. I think that stillness is such an important thing and I think a lot of people. We get so much in our minds and so much in the hustle and bustle that we forget to even something as simple as being able to walk is something to be grateful for.

Speaker 2: 13:09

That's right and those inner conversations are so important and but I don't want to shrink it to that. It's inner conversations, but it's also just inner quiet, and then we have some sort of anchor or basis to then move with a bit more certainty. So another soul statement might be when I trust my inner voice, I have better outcomes, or my soul knows what to do.

Speaker 1: 13:43

I like those. Those are really good ones. So let me ask you this. So it's often said that effective communication is a key to strong relationships. How do soul statements foster empathy, making us better partners, friends and coworkers?

Speaker 2: 13:58

Yeah. So the more we grow in self understanding I think journaling we keep talking about that is such an excellent tool for growing in self understanding so the more we are familiar with our inner motivations, and it's really key to be very, very honest, and when I say that I mean honest, primarily honest on the, or at least firstly honest on the inside. And so an example of that would be oh, I'm not gonna delude myself of what my motivation was for this thing. I was actually trying to. I was thinking about me and what I wanted, and so if we're in touch with what really moves us, what we really value, we can remind ourselves of that with a soul statement in real time.

Speaker 2: 15:07

So I always have a better thought to opt into and I like to remind myself of that. So, oh, what would be a better thought I could think right now. Oh, what would be an appropriate soul statement for this moment? And one of my favorite is what's right with me is always available, and so that leads me naturally to a next thought of, well, what is right with me? And so it just when we remind ourselves of our better selves, we act better, we have more, our internal well is a little more full. So another thing that people are fond of saying bandwidth, so I have more bandwidth.

Speaker 1: 15:54

So when you said that, automatically my mind went to we have compassion fatigue, like where my mind went with the bandwidth thing. I manage a doctor's office, so I feel like with utilizing soul statements, it feels like you're also helping us to pull ourselves back into a present moment, like being present, being not in the future, not a step in the past. I think that being present is so important for anyone right now and I think you really kind of dive deep into that with your book. Would you say that being present is something that's important for your readers and your listeners?

Speaker 2: 16:38

It's foundational, rachel, and so another soul statement might be as my serenity increases, I can hold circumstance more lightly, so that allows for better listening or being more open to listening, and when I'm more clear on the inside I think I mentioned this in the book then I have less. I feel less need to extract validation from a given experience, or I can just suspend trying to prove myself or put my point across, and that's only helpful in a outward relationship.

Speaker 1: 17:25

So one of the things that you're kind of bringing up is that really the power lies within and not from external validation and external circumstances. You know, as being a spiritual person, you know we're taught that to go within, to look within, bring your power within. Would you say that that's something you kind of tap upon in this book?

Speaker 2: 17:46

Yeah, I think that's a real theme. And one thing I'm really fond of saying I think I mentioned it also in the book is you must be present to win. And I also say that presence. I look at presence as a meta skill and so if I can develop that self awareness, that ability to just be present for life as it is happening, then it just makes everything a little more easier to be present for and the world responds to that. And if I'm living in my head that the world will respond differently to me meaning other people and events than if I'm really inhabiting this moment and I'm aware and I'm able to respond more appropriately and directly to what's happening.

Speaker 1: 18:47

I like that. So every one of us has one of those family members or friends we find difficult to deal with. How do soul statements pull someone you know back and help them to cut? Let me rephrase that question how can soul statements assist someone navigating these tricky waters with somebody that maybe they're just in a combative relationship with?

Speaker 2: 19:10

Yeah Well, firstly, you don't necessarily have to stay in that situation. Sometimes, maybe you're a little more trapped than other, like it's Thanksgiving dinner or something you know. We use the old example it's coming right up and, that being said, it's just so helpful to remind yourself what you're made of, shift into a better state, and so you have a certainty that's deeper than circumstance and you can feel, despite what's happening or what other people might be saying, that you are where you need to be because you're in here and if you can use maybe something someone else is saying that's distasteful or attacking, just like, wow, that is so interesting. And you can have those thoughts, those reactive thoughts and hopefully through, I think, soul statements will help with this.

Speaker 2: 20:29

Giving you that little bit of interrupt is like oh, that's what I used to think, that's how I used to respond. Wow, I'm thinking that again. I want to respond that way again. I can feel the chemicals surging in my body of whether it's adrenaline or whatever, and my heart is a trusted guide. My body is wise and knows exactly what I need. I'm fearless, love, and I got this. And so if you can say these things in that moment and maybe you have some kind of power gesture that you do invisibly and like, yeah, like, and it can be more okay.

Speaker 1: 21:20

I like that. It's almost taking the emotional trigger and maybe you acting in a way that you're going to regret and really taking the power back, like reframing the situation, choosing a soul statement, having a, you know, a power stance, and then just maybe take a nice deep breath and just like, okay, it is what it is.

Speaker 2: 21:40

I love that. My heart is safe and worthy of love and you can. Then the next, the next thought might be and I can handle this, or and this isn't me like, thank God, I'm not that person. Thank God, I'm not acting that way. That's, that's a plus.

Speaker 1: 22:00

Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, I will say though whatever I say, that's interesting. My sister's like. That means you don't like it. So be mindful. I'll be mindful of my soul statement.

Speaker 2: 22:11

Right, right so, but I'm at least considering it.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Exactly, here you go.

Speaker 2: 22:20

I am listening to what you're saying.

Speaker 1: 22:23

I like that. Okay, I like that. That's that's interesting in a good way.

Speaker 2: 22:27

Well, you know, and the other thing too is, what really helps couples a lot is that to realize that they could acknowledge without agreeing.

Speaker 1: 22:37

So how do you do that?

Speaker 2: 22:39

I can. I can understand how you would feel that way, which you know, their experience is not my experience, their history is not my history, and so that might be a completely natural response to what their conversation is in their head. And so, yeah, I can. I see that you're distressed, I get that you're distressed.

Speaker 1: 23:06

I feel like I'm going to use this at work on Monday yeah. You think I'm kidding. I'm not. I love this. Let me ask you this you have a background in Tantra. It's fascinating. How does this ancient practice influence your work, especially in the realm of soul statements?

Speaker 2: 23:28

Yeah Well, one of my soul statements that came out of my Tantra experience teachings is I have a beloved that dwells within. The schools that I went to really emphasized that connection with your own heart. That's where the beloved within dwells. If you can build that relationship, slowing down and inhabiting the moment and living in more curiosity. I say more because a lot of this is aspirational and it's a moving target. We do our best and we hopefully grow in emotional muscles and our actual practice.

Speaker 2: 24:32

The heart of Tantra is attention, taking your attention to the very present moment and trying not to color it with your evaluation, your critique, but just being open to this is happening.

Speaker 2: 24:58

This is life and life is going to happen, no matter what I think or do. I can have a little bit more witness consciousness and I can act and move from my own center place and I can speak my desire. Sometimes the desire might be I need to press pause and go spend some time with myself. We can reconcile our spirituality and our sexuality. That's another big theme, if you will, of the Tantra schools, because God, spirit, the Creator, gave us this package, this head full of desires and purpose and impetus to go make things happen in the world. Tantra is just accepting of all of it. There's no need to feel less than or ashamed of any part of what we want in life or our bodies. That's a starting point for the Tantra that kind of attention to the moment, that building of that presence, the non-critiquing that leads into soul statements, and just a general approach to how you relate with your intimate partner in general.

Speaker 1: 26:40

That's beautiful. Before I ask you the last question, if anyone is interested in picking up your book, can they get it at all booksellers Amazon. If anyone is interested in working with you one-on-one, or do you have coaching packages or anything like that?

Speaker 2: 27:00

Yes, they can find that information, in addition to more about my book, at my website, corerelationshipcom.

Speaker 1: 27:09

Perfect Corey in a high note for someone who's just getting introduced to soul statements in your work. What's one piece of advice or tool from the book you'd recommend they start with to begin their journey towards improved communication and self-awareness?

Speaker 2: 27:25

I would say that just to realize that our brains, each one of our brains, is not designed to make us happy or fulfilled. Our brains are designed to look for danger, to keep us safe, to make sure everything's going to be okay. We can always find something wrong, anywhere or with any person. We can also find what's right and what's good about any situation, any person. Good is always there. We can align with that. We can align with that piece of goodness inside ourselves. It's an empowering attitude to be empowered by the truth of there's always something right and good about me. Another soul statement that comes to mind is my center informs me as I love my partner.

Speaker 1: 28:45

I love soul statements. I really do. They're very powerful. Corey, I want to thank you so much for coming on the Spiritual Spotlight series. I look forward to talking to you again soon.

Speaker 2: 28:56

Thank you, Rachel.