Flower in the River: A Family Tale Finally Told

A Quest for Meaning in Shadows of Adversity

• Natalie Zett

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Imagine finding yourself at an unexpected fork in the road, faced with a revelation that could change everything - your perception of yourself, your family, your history.

Zara continues grappling with her family's tragic past, her ensuing spiritual journey--and the scars of the Eastland disaster.  Zara eventually discovered there was  power in creating meaning from the tragedy.
 
A bit of my journey
In navigating life's stormy seas, there lies a ballet of bravery and resilience – a journey to confront the agonizing verities buried deep within our past. 

My time as a student at Ursuline College served as a poignant tableau of this transformative dance, indelibly marked by a tragedy that struck close to home.  One of the Ursuline nuns, Sister Dorothy Kazel,  along with three other women missionaries, met a violent end in El Salvador - a stark truth that reverberated through our campus among the sisters and students. During that time, we were reading Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning  for Philosophy class-- a profound coincidence that offered solace and strength in our own search for meaning amidst this horror.

What does this have to do with Eastland Disaster? I witnessed firsthand the response from the Ursuline community to this event. Their quest to seek meaning from this tragedy and then respond to it transformed my own thinking about injustice and tragedy. 

This episode marks a significant crossroad in Zara's journey, one that presents her with her family's mysterious history. How does she grapple with the shadows of a tragedy--a phantom from the distant past that seems to clutch her family lineage with an iron grip?


Music (Artlist)

  • Lance Conrad - Summer in Paris
  • Duffmusiq - Baker St
Natalie Zett:

Welcome back everyone. This is Natalie, and you've tuned into the 16th episode of Flower in the River, the podcast. Yes, today we are sweet 16.

Natalie Zett:

And so far we have been establishing the spiritual basis for Zara's journey over the last three episodes. In the last three episodes we introduced the colorful, quirky, wise and supernaturally inclined Aunt Magda. Magda sets the tone and stage for the foundation that Zara will draw from years after their time together when she was but a child, and of course it wasn't all smooth sailing. Remember that not every lesson Magda tried to teach Zara was easily learned or, face it even welcomed. It was well beyond in some cases, where Zara was at least chronologically, but nonetheless those teachings settled in the recesses of her mind And Zara also, conversely, had to deal with those messages, as well as the other messages from her very skeptical and very logical mother, the scientist. So there's no shortage of conflict for this character, and it's only going to escalate At this point in the story.

Natalie Zett:

In Annie's granddaughter, zara is at the ultimate crossroads. She's dealing with her father's death, the revelation from her mother's sister about her Aunt Martha and Aunt Martha's death on the Eastland, neither of which she ever heard of. And then there are Zara's own memories, the very things that she's buried and would rather forget. They are now playing on a loop inside her head. And remember, she hasn't moved from that kitchen table where she's planted herself. When she received that family history document, she literally is stuck to the floor. Now Zara's got a question that will take her on the ride of her life. She's not just about making sense of things. She's asking how do I turn this inheritance of loss and tragedy into something meaningful? We are about to dive deep into the realm of finding purpose and meaning amidst chaos. Let's go.

Natalie Zett:

When I was a student at Ursulun College in Pepperpike, ohio, i read Man's Search for Meaning in Sister James Teresa's philosophy class. The author is Victor Frankel, and all of us were deeply and profoundly affected by that book. Do you know of the book? Okay, victor Frankel's Man's Search for Meaning is a gripping tale of resilience and hope born from his horrific experience of surviving Auschwitz, the concentration camp. Frankel reveals the power of finding meaning even in the worst circumstances. He could somehow find meaning in Auschwitz, and later he created an approach to psychology based on meaning. So finding meaning takes a person beyond the usual conundrum of trying to make sense of everything because, well, face it, some things make no sense.

Natalie Zett:

While I was at Ursulun, the entire school and the religious order who educated us would be put to the test. On December 2, 1980, an Ursulun's sister from that order, dorothy Kaisel, and three other women missionaries were brutally murdered in El Salvador. Until that point, the Ursuluns were known throughout Cleveland as top-notch educators. Everyone wanted to go to an Ursulun school, high school or college if they were Catholic. I wasn't Catholic, but I ended up with them because, well, no one else would take me. But that's another story. The Ursuluns were not known as a rabble-rousing religious order. That is until this happened. And as the Ursulun's sisters grieved, they were transformed. It's too long a story to go into here. Maybe that's another book, but the Ursuluns were, and are still, top-notch educators. But they also became activists and seekers of both truth and justice.

Natalie Zett:

People sometimes ask me why I wear that beaten-up Ursulun college hoodie in my author's publicity photo. Now you know why. I watch this group of fierce and courageous women walk the walk and I am proud, so proud, to have graduated from such an institution. So this experience of having this top notch education in the midst of this horrific tragedy really changed me forever as well. And having that experience, as well as that education, also has helped me when I've had to face various crossroads in my own life. Thus, when I began writing what would become flower in the river, i didn't know what to do. I was completely overwhelmed at first, but then that education, it kicked in and I asked myself how do I make meaning from such loss? I only have this response I make meaning by talking back to the tragedy, as I've done with this book. There's something very powerful about taking an untold story and bringing it out of the depths. And although I only highlight in the book the experiences with Aunt Magda, there were definitely experiences in more traditional religious settings that Zara was part of and that I was part of that also informed my own and the characters' own, spiritual growth and development. I will read the last passages of chapter two, annie's Granddaughter and in the next episode of the podcast, as well as the next chapter, zara will finally leave the kitchen table and take some action.

Natalie Zett:

Hurl's manuscript turned her world on its axis. Between newfound family and long forgotten memories, zara couldn't concentrate. I wish Magda were here, but maybe she is. Magda knew that I would have died had I remained in Cleveland. I needed a safe place far away to reinvent myself, and Minnesota seemed brilliant. The scattergun bullying and shaming by family, church and society ground me into a pulp. Just the word family incensed me. Yeah, family is the first place they look when there's a murder. Even if they didn't value me, i valued myself and filled that void with the fantastic family of choice. But what about now? of all the places I could have moved, i was lured to the land of my maternal ancestors. Why them? Could that explain why so much of the upper Midwest felt so welcoming? Hmm, magda was on to something. We're watched over by someone Lots of someone's, maybe, but who or what was doing the guiding? I always thought it was God, but maybe it's someone a lot closer.

Natalie Zett:

Zara stood up from the table and stretched, pouring another cup of coffee. She looked out her kitchen window, oblivious to the snow piling up on the trees. Instead, she relished the long ago times with Magda, although those memories also involved reliving her pain-filled teenage years. Yuck, how did I survive? No matter how she tried, she couldn't extract the ship disaster story from Magda. Still, she got something much better a promise that the disparate portions of her life would eventually converge, and apparently this was the someday that Magda had foreseen.

Natalie Zett:

Her family and even close friends sometimes labeled her a dilettante, since she was always exploring new things. Why can't you stay the same, said one of her friends. You're always changing. Maybe it was because of all these people that I carry around inside my blood. Was it possible that her ancestors' lives spilled over into hers? Maybe she needed to look closer at the human genome project that hit the news a few years ago. She never thought of the ancestors needing expression. She assumed people were born with certain talents and there was nothing more to it. Zara had been an actor, singer and writer, with the writer being the constant. She'd worked as a freelance journalist for over 20 years for newspapers and magazines, while juggling a full-time job in software development. She graduated with honors with a BA in business, mostly to prove that she could do it. Otherwise, she had little interest in that field, and her MA in systematic theology gave her a chance to study something she liked, but the only fallout was that she lost the faith she once had.

Natalie Zett:

Zara flipped through Pearl's family history, returning to the pages about the Western Wisconsin relatives. This is still unbelievable. She again studied the names of her great-great-grandmother and great-great-onson, uncles. Why did they immigrate to Western Wisconsin and Minnesota And why did I follow them here? She couldn't count the number of times she passed through or stayed in Eau Claire, wisconsin, which was adjacent to the towns listed in Pearl's document. Why did she keep going back there? She loved day trips or even weekend getaways in or near this university town, where the rolling hills and confluence of the Eau Claire and Chippewa Rivers created a lovely ambiance. It was literally where the buffalo once roamed and where the Ojibwe lived, and now she knew it was also where her ancestors' blood and bones fed the earth. She opened her notebook and wrote I have now entered my personal Twilight Zone,

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