Subpar Talks

E50 - Best Of Subpar Talks, Part 2

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We’re back this week with more of the best of Subpar Talks. This time, it’s Part 2. And, to prove we’re not perfect, we threw in some bloopers at the end! 

 Hosted by Chris and Jeff

 

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Jeff:

This week it's more of the best of, and some bloopers. Welcome to Subpar Talks. Hey everybody. Welcome to Subpar Talks, where we have conversations about everything. I'm Jeff.

Chris:

And I'm Chris.

Jeff:

Thank you again for joining us, and yes, it is time for our standard disclaimer. Listener discretion is advised. We will curse from time to time, perhaps a lot, and depending on the episode, we will touch on some mature subject matter and we inject our humor into a lot of this stuff. So if that is not your thing, then perhaps we are not your thing, but for everybody else, Settle in because here we go with this week's topics. I say that because there is a Christmas song, we are right on the heels of, of the Christmas season, and there's a Christmas song. What is it? Oh, we need a Little Christmas. Okay? Mm-hmm. And the singer is telling things that, saying things that he wants, right? And he tells Santa to climb down the chimney. And that line is always bugged me because I'm wondering if you can climb down something. I thought climbing was only, well, do I even need to say it? If you're climbing, you're going up, right? Can you climb down? And I haven't consulted the authoritative source. Otherwise known as a Google. I haven't consulted on that. I just wanted to see what you thought about it. Typically I would not, uh, typically I couldn't say that. I would think climbing down something sounds right, but I have heard climbing down a ladder, not so much like climbing down stairs. You go down the stairs, you can climb upstairs, but I go down the stairs. Yeah, you climb a ladder. But I've heard climb down a ladder. You could go down the ladder too. What about climbing a tree? Climbing a tree by definition sounds like you're climbing up the tree. You're going up the tree. Yeah. Yeah. But how do you get out of it? You come down, come down, go down, or do you climb down, get out, get out of the tree? I don't know. There's that. Just get out of there. You could fall. That'll do it. Yeah. I've done that too. See, it amazes me the way people choose to commit suicide. There's one right there. Why do you want to let a snake bite you? And then what? You're gonna have to wait for it to take effect. That seems a horrible, yeah. And people that take pills like, oh my gosh, I can't, Ima, no matter how much I wanted to die, I can't imagine wanting to die that badly and then having to sit there and wait like, okay, I just took the whole bottle. Now how long is this gonna take? And, and how many people start to have second thoughts then a lot of people. The only, I mean, I'll just put it out there. The only way that I could imagine killing myself would be shooting myself or maybe drive my car, you know, a hundred miles an hour into a tree or telephone pole. It's gotta be something that is more or less surefire and instantaneous. And actually it'd be horrible to survive that car accident. So I think I'd have to shoot myself every time I see something on a show or movie or whatever, whatever, about somebody hanging themselves, my thought is always, I wouldn't even know how to make a noose. I don't even know how to do that. Like, I'm such an idiot when it comes to knots and things like that. Like that's totally off the table for me. If I were of that mind. Yeah, I wouldn't know either. But see, that could go in your favor cuz if you did it wrong, then you're just gonna fall right out of the knot. Well, you know, they say like people who attempt it and fail, they almost never try again. Like it scares'em straight or they get the help they need or whatever. So Warren and Carrie Phillips, they carried on this affair for years and years and they wrote back and forth and both of them, thank God, saved these love letters. And in 2014 they were released to the Library of Congress. Mm-hmm. Thank God. Because now we can read them. And among those letters, They wrote code words back and forth for what different things would mean when they wrote the letters. Mm-hmm. You know, like little names for this, for that. Whatever old Warren here went so far as to name. All right. It's a good thing I'm sitting down. I don't know what's coming. Old Warren went so far here as to name his dick. Little Warren. I don't know why he chose this name, but he called his dick. Jerry. Jerry. Little Jerry. It is Little Jerry. All right. So A, B, c. News was cool enough to give us some good excerpts from the letters that they wrote. This is by no means all of the salacious content, but these are pretty good. I think I've got, I don't know, seven or eight different ones here. My God. Okay. This is Warren writing to, what's her name? Carrie. Okay. Number one, wouldn't you like to get Sopping wet? Sopping wet? Wouldn't you like to get sopping wet for the joy of fevered, fondling and melting kisses? Wouldn't you like to make the suspected occupant of the next room jealous of the joys he could not know as we did in morning communion at Richmond? Morning Communion. I know. I don't know what happened in, in Richmond. Was that them communing together or, I don't know. I thought like church communion, like he. I don't know. Morning communion might be morning sex. It could be, but when I read that I was like, wait, are they in church? Like he's taking the bread, but he's slipped a finger inside of her or something. Like, what happened? Jesus Christ. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's what she yelled out during the service. That's right. Oh God. The preacher thought she was just really into it. Okay. Number two, honestly, I hurt with the inate longing until I feel that there will never be any relief until I take a long, deep, wild drought on your lips and then bury my face on your pillow breasts. That's, that's very poetic. Yeah, it is. This is, this is not your run of the mill slutty. It's like, wow, you're really putting some literary content out there. You can tell he's well-educated. Yeah. Okay, number three. Oh, Carrie mine. You can see I have yielded and written myself into wild desire. I could beg and, and Jerry came and will not go God almighty. And Jerry came and will not go. Says He loves you, that you are the only, only love worthwhile in all this world, and I must tell you so. And a score or more of other fond things he suggests. But I spare you. You must not be annoyed. He is so utterly devoted that he only exists to give you all. I fear you would find a fierce enthusiast today. That's deep stuff. It is deep. He has personified his dick. Yeah. Other than naming it Jerry, now it's got thoughts and feelings and motivation. Right. I gotta step up my game. Amazing. Yeah, no kidding. Wonder what my wife would think if I wrote her a text, like this new phone. Who? This? Yeah. Right. Oh my goodness. I wonder how he settled on the name Jerry. I don't know. There's gotta be something to that, I guess. I mean, you don't just pick a name like that out of thin air. Okay. Number four, Jerry, you recall Jerry, whose cards I once sent you to Europe? Came in while I was pondering your notes in Glad Reflection and we talked about it. Holy shit. He's talking to his dick. We talked about it. He's hallucinating. Poor Warren. He is horny and lonely. How lonely do you have to be to talk to your own dick? That's, I will, I, I'll just put it out there right now. Uh oh. I've felt really lonely, but not like that. I thought you were about to confess to up your Gonna expose myself again. Yeah. All right. Uh, glad reflection and we talked about it. He was strongly interested and elated and clung to discussion. He told me to say that you are the best and darlings in the world, and if he could have but one wish, it would be to be held in your darling. Embrace and be thrilled by your pink lips that convey the surpassing rapture of human touch and the unspeakable. All right. Oh, a dozen in there. Sorry. Page two, joy of love. Surpassing embrace. I cordially agree with all he said. Perhaps it is not important. Maybe it's not even interesting, but he is devotedly exclusively for you, exclusively for her. All right, so is he not having sex with his wife? It at least implies he is not having sex with anybody else either. I mean, that makes me think of Jerry when he talked about, you know, people that are. Cheating with each other. He said it is even worse if they start cheating on the people that they're cheating with. You're right. He said that's like, that's like somebody going in to rob a store and then turns to the other Rob and says, give me everything you got to. Yep. So now he's uh, old Warren is talking about her genitals too. I don't think he named it though. Not yet. Number five, Jerry sends Christmas greetings. He would come too. If I might. Would he be welcomed? Cordially? She responding to these? I don't know. So I said earlier that she saved them. Maybe she didn't. Maybe all we have is Warren's. Either way. This is good stuff. Okay, number six. Holy shit. Wish I could take you to Mount Jerry. Wonderful spots. Mount Jerry. It's like, it's like a postcard. I know. Wish you were here. Wish you were here. Mount Jerry. She got a T-shirt that said I went to Mount Jerry and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. I think Mount there could be a noun or a verb. Right. Mount. Mount Jerry. All right. Number seven. I am ever wanting to kiss and fondle to embrace and cares to adore and possess. I can't help it. That is not spiritual. I grant, but very real. So now he's even rhyming. Yeah, I noticed that. Said he's got game. It's good. Number nine. There are no words that my command sufficient to say the full extent of my love for you. A mad, tender, devoted, ardent, eager, passion, wild, jealous, reverent, wistful, Jesus Christ. It's a lot of words. This is like when Clark Griswold went off against his boss. Yes, and just went on the tirade. Brainless, dickless. Spineless, whatever. I don't remember where I left off. Wistful. Hungry, happy love. Unspeakably. Encompassing, immeasurably absorbing, unendingly. Worshiping unceasingly, exalting, unwillingly, exacting, and voluntarily excluding everlastingly compensating. God almighty. I forgot what we were talking about. What was all that about? I did too. I forgot where the sentence started. Did he do anything as president besides talk to his dick and write some letters? An excellent question, man. I don't know. Did he have any successes? I don't know. Teapot Dome. He got in trouble for that? Yeah. Wow. I don't know. Maybe his concentration was off. Last one here, if I have an interpreted correctly, you do not wish me to bring the MRS to Ohio, you think? No shit. So how do you sit? How do you take a thing of water and go, I wanna make ice out of this unnaturally. I have no clue. I have no clue. I don't either. I've always said, if it were up to me to come up with all this stuff, we like, I don't even know what we'd be doing. I don't, I'm not even sure we'd be riding horses at this point. We'd just be walking everywhere we go and we would all just, yeah, just definitely we would just be shitting in a hole. I dunno. How would we dig the hole? We would've had to invent some, I mean, unless we're down there on our hands, just, I don't know if I'd come up with, that's the shovel. All right. Would you rather have a mullet or a perm? Well, and I'm laughing because I'm picturing you with both of these. I'm fluctuating back and forth, picturing you with a perm and then a mullet. I'm choosing mullet, a mullet. Yeah. What defines a mullet? How long does it have to be? Um, I'm thinking like down toward the bottom of your neck, I think. Oh man. Yeah. It's, oh, it's rough. But a perm, like a big perm. Just an afro. That's no good. Yeah. It'd have to be a mullet, I guess. It's a terrible look. Yeah. Well, they're both bad, but I think a perm is worse. Yeah. But then there are people with mullets. See, there are people with mullets who almost have nothing on top. That's even worse. Like if you're gonna have a mullet, you need hair on top too, to like offset it. You're gonna be, yeah. Counterbalance it. You're gonna be off balance, right? If earth is even around. Yeah. When's the sun supposed to blow up? It's longer than that. I, I think it's gonna be like into the, is it billions? I wanted to say that. Maybe Billions. Yeah. But okay. That, that reminds me when I was a kid in elementary school and just learning about the sun and, you know, the gases and, and how the sun works and the very idea that our sun has been expanding, but then shrinking and the fact that it would eventually burn out scared the shit outta me. Yeah. I was afraid that one day it was just gonna get dark. And what freaked me out even more is to know, That if it got dark right now, the sun actually burned out eight minutes ago. It's already happened. Yeah, it's, it was over and I didn't know it until it was dark. I think that was made into a TV series. TV show? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Uh, did you watch any of it? No. Nor have I read the book, obviously, obviously. Uh, number three, the Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey. All right. This is, this is an uncomfortable last name, the Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. N I F F E N E G G E R. Jesus Christ. Wow. All right. Yeah, I bet that didn't cause any problems for her. No kidding. Did you hear about the 2000 year old dildo? Oh, I saw something about that. Oh, yeah, I did too. Yeah. Sounds like I'm about to tell a joke. It's not a joke. It's a real thing. So the very first thing I thought about when I saw that was splinters, like it was wooden. Yeah. Several people were commenting about that. Like, holy hell, that could go really wrong. So for those of you not in the loop, back in the early nineties, in the northern part of England, archeologists found this thing. It's phallic shape, cylindrical. And they initially assessed it as a darning tool, which is knitting something or other. I have no idea. Anyway, recently some archeologists reexamined it and they've determined that it is most likely a dildo. And this is from like first century Roman time, so it's a 2000 year old dildo. But I found that funny and some people were shocked, like, oh my God, I can't believe that. But holy hell, people have been putting stuff in themselves as long as they been able to. Yeah. What like, that's just a modern invention, right? Yeah. And I gotta say this, like the whole, uh, well if you look at at art from back then, like I remember when we went to Pompeii and in Italy, And there's a lot of stuff that's preserved from when Mount Vesuvius erupted and holy hell, there are like, there are dicks everywhere. They were obsessed with dicks. So it's no surprise really. Yeah. So anyway, I was gonna say the whole, uh, so-called sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies, I was led to believe that people were like doing all this stuff that nobody had done before. All these orgies and free love and all that. And no, and that stuff's been going on since the beginning of time. What made the sixties different was people were not afraid to like talk about it openly. Yeah. They talked about it. That was the thing. Yeah. They weren't ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of my body. Well, and they were doing all the drugs at the same time, which, right. Maybe the, the maximum of the sex stuff and the maximum of the drugs was a little bit different. Maybe that's what put it in the forefront too. I don't know. But yeah, maybe none of that stuff was new. So part of, of what's in that, in the law about what's taxed and what's not is wound dressing is not taxed, so, okay. Hopefully they don't look at toilet paper as trying to dress a wound. That would be rough. That reminds me of the George Carlin bit where he is talking about how we're just getting fucked over by corporations left and right. Mm-hmm. And he said whoever came up with the saying, buyer beware, was probably bleeding from the asshole. Now, speaking of any kind of transit like that, I just saw something recently where in Plano, Texas, they are looking at putting in some gondola things as a travel thing to get people back and forth through Plano. Like hanging from a wire. Yes. I don't like cars. Like, kind of like the thing you would see as a state fair or something. Yeah. I don't know if that's in like a, a really small confined area, which is possible. Like just a downtown area. Yeah. Um, but, but they're one of the, one of the ones who are looking at kind of doing a trial thing of it. That'd be kinda interesting. It would be. I think those things kinda scare me though. Yeah. They used to have'em at the state fair and I know one fell, I don't remember, it was a long time ago, was 1979. Oh, is that when it was? Yeah. I rode it two days before it fell. Holy, holy shit. Yep. I did, man, that's cutting it close. Yeah, it was. Have you heard about people, have you heard about people dying, taking selfies? Oh, like falling off of stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I know. I've heard that around the Grand Canyon Fools go and stand up at, stand Up at the Ridge and that picture is the last ever seen of them. So thankfully Wikipedia has a page on this from 2008 and I don't think selfies were really a thing bef long before that. So 2008 to 2021, July, 2021, it's estimated that there were 379 p who died in self, uh, in selfie related accidents. 133 of these people were Indian. So it happened in India. I don't know what's going on there, but holy shit. But you can guess which other country is highly represented on this list. Oh, yeah. Surprised We're not number one. I know, but I'm gonna read you some of these because, well, if you can get past the, the fact that people lost their lives here, it's funny. Okay, I'll get past it now. These are just some ones in the United States. 20 11, 3 teenagers were killed by a Union Pacific train while posing for a selfie that was found on their phone near Salt Lake City shortly before the. They posted the message quote, standing right by a train. Ha ha ha. This is awesome. Well, they posted for a minute. Yeah, right. Uh, okay. Well, we talked about a guy flying with a cobra earlier. Uh, 2014, a 29 year old amateur pilot allegedly took selfies using a GoPro camera before his plane crashed at a plane grassy field in Colorado, killing himself and the passenger on board. Wow. What an idiot. Yep. Uh, 2015, a man in Kalama Washington stepped onto a railroad track to take a selfie with himself and a woman with a passing Amtrak train in the background. The man misjudged witch track. The man misjudged, witch track. The oncoming train was on and he was struck and killed at the scene. Wow. Did she make it? I don't know. Yeah. According to this, I don't know if she was hurt, but she didn't die. Wow. God, that is rough. Oh, speaking of snakes, here's another one. So this guy didn't die, but this is hilarious. A man from San Diego was hospitalized for five days following an attempt to take a selfie with a rattlesnake, which then bit him. That's awesome. What a dumb ass. Yeah. Oh man. Uh, a woman in Yellowstone was gored by an American bison while taking a selfie. She was treated for injuries, so she didn't die. That kind of stuff happens all the time in Yellowstone. Yeah. People get too close to bison, moose, things like that. Ridiculous. Oh my god. A 19 year old from Houston died after trying to take an Instagram selfie while holding a loaded gun to his head. He accidentally fired the gun and shot himself in the throat. Probably, probably when he was going to take the picture he pulled the wrong thing. Holy shit. So this is kind of changing the subject, but just thinking about being in the classroom. So the other day in class we got off on, well, I mean I, I brought it up cuz we were talking about the right to privacy and the constitution, which used to include a woman's right to have an abortion, you know, up to a certain point used to. And there was a guy in there, I kid you not, and he is, he is definitely the product of the Texas public education system, specifically sex ed. Because somebody was talking about the process of abortion and he said, oh no, I'm not making this up. He said, I thought they just pumped the woman's stomach. Oh my God, are you kidding me? I, yeah. It was one of those where did I hear him say that? Right. But then other people started laughing and I was like, holy hell. And I didn't wanna laugh cuz I felt bad for him. He didn't know. He's obviously, his parents haven't explained that babies aren't growing in a stomach and you don't abort one by pumping the stomach. I just, yeah, I couldn't believe it. But how frightening is that? And that it was very, Like you say, he's just an example of one of, yeah, one of how many, how many people are walking around like that? Oh, I know. And he is a pretty good student. It's not like he's just wandered in off the street, like he's pretty good student, but holy shit, it's amazing. So how did that play out? Did you take him aside? What must talk? Yeah. Uh, no. There were other, uh, especially the women in the class, they kind of set him straight and I felt bad for him because he, it was clear, he felt embarrassed and he says, well, that's just what I was told, or, or something to that effect, but Okay. I mean, that begs the question of so many other things. Like, yeah. Where do you think babies come from? You know, how is this happening, Astor? Are you having sex with their stomach? I mean, what's happening? It's like, uh, thinking of a woman swallows a watermelon seed. She's got a watermelon growing in her stomach. Yeah. Time to pump it. Abort. Abort. A little bit lighter if, while surgically removing a lump from your cheek. Oh my God. So I don't know why you have a lump in your cheek. Wait, I'm, I'm removing a lump from my cheek. No, no. It's being removed. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, I should say while. Having a lump surgically removed from your cheek, your doctor inadvertently cut a nerve and caused one side of your mouth to be paralyzed. Would you sue? Imagine you have a good case, but the surgeon is without insurance and will have to personally pay any settlement. Uh, yeah. I'm suing. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I would too. Hell yeah. Yeah. This is why doctors have to have malpractice insurance. Yeah. I mean, if they don't have it or don't have enough, then I'm probably not getting anything, but I'd make him wish he had. Right, absolutely. Next time have insurance. Absolutely. Okay, so we mentioned, or you mentioned in the previous episode how we. Had taken the gummies. We were, this is when we took a whole one. You said you took a quarter one and you mellowed out and all that. Well, when we got together in Dallas, we took a whole one. Yes. And it came on fast and strong and all that. Do you remember we ever really talked about this since? Do you remember taking notes about what we were talking about because we knew we wouldn't remember. I do. I can't even believe I had the wherewithal to take the notes. Yeah, that was a really good idea. I do remember that. I got to a point that I couldn't take notes, though I was saying a lot. I had a lot to say and I knew when I was saying it, it didn't make sense and there was no way that I could have documented it. It would've been awesome if we could have recorded it. Oh, that would've been great. That would've been gold. Gold. Chris. Gold. Gold. Do you remember your persistent eye switch? I do. I was very concerned about that. I also remember when I asked you if my eyes looked right and you thought, I asked if my eyes looked red. Yeah. So you looked at and you said, not really. Not really. I was really worried about that and my eyes do, my eyes look right? Not really. That was during the twitching. So yeah, I was very concerned for myself. Yeah. See, I don't know what that was. Why was your eye twitching? Was it connected to the gummies? I know. Well, I was. I was pretty sure it was twitching, but I can't be a hundred percent sure that that wasn't in my head. Because I never asked you to verify if it was twitching. It was an unverified twitch. Right. Would you have been able to verify if it was in my present condition at the time? I don't know. Everything's twitching. The room's twitching. What are you talking about? Yeah. Well, I was, I was pretty well resigned. I, you know, I needed to go to the bathroom and I was pretty well resigned that if I went while I was sitting in my chair. Well, that's just the way it was gonna be. I mean, what am I supposed to do about it? Oh, I mentioned the fat twins on the motorcycle. So, uh, here you go. In 1978, Billy Leon McCreary weighed in at what the hell? It's giving it to me in kilograms. How the hell am I supposed to know what that is? I'm an American, goddammit. What is it? I'm an American idiot. 337 kilograms. Oh shit. So it's 2.2 pounds per kilogram. How many? Oh my God. 337 and his brother's 3 28. Well, that's 741 pounds for the first one. Oh my God. So maybe these aren't the fat guys on the motorcycle that we were talking about earlier, because there's no way those guys, they weren't 700 something pounds, right? No. And I don't even think a 700 pound person could get on a motorcycle. No. So what is this saying about these people? What'd they do? They're just the fattest. The fattest twins. Okay. And how big is the second one? 3 28. So they're both o over 700 pounds. That's 7 21 and the other was 7 41. Wow. God, I bet he turned to his brother and said he need to lose a little bit of weight. Uh, most lightning strikes survived. Oh wow. Jesus Christ. The only man in the world to be struck by lightning seven times was Ex Park Ranger Roy Sullivan. His attraction, God, I think after this first time I'd probably get out of the job. I know it. His attraction for lightning began 1942. He lost his big toenail. Resumed in 1969, so that's 27 years later. I bet he thought he was in the clear, he lost his eyebrows in that one. That's like Uncle Leo. Ah, in July, 1970, the very next year, his left shoulder shoulder was seared. April, 1972, his hair was set on fire. Hair's on fire. Yeah. In August, 1973, he caught his hair on fire again when he was struck, and his legs were seared. On June 5th, 1976, he injured his ankle. June 25th, 1977, he had chest and stomach burns, and in September, 1983, oh, he killed himself Just. He just couldn't take it anymore. He was dreading the eighth. Strike drinking. Be careful on the planes, man. There's a whole lot of shit you could pick up, things you don't wanna know about. And just so we're clear, don't masturbate on a plane. I think that's the best advice right there. If you take nothing else away from this episode, absolutely you had to wait till the end, but it's all worth it. So last week we talked about, uh, some weird Guinness records. Yes. And I brought up the fattest twins. And we both remarked how we remember the fattest twins. Like we remember that from when we were kids. You'd see the fat twins on the motorcycle. And I'm reading about the Fat Twins last week and I'm like, there's no way this could be the same set of twins. This has to be another set of fat twins. Cause there's 700 something pounds, 700 something pound person cannot mount a motorcycle. But I'm wrong. It is the same people. So Really? Yeah, they went by the name McGuire Twins, but their names were actually Mc McCreary, uh, which I think I mentioned last week, but they went by the McGuire twins. So yeah, that's them. Nobody's broken their record. They've been, uh, well one of them died the, so last week I said whatever I was reading from said, they both died of heart failure. But according to Wikipedia, one of them died in a motorcycle accident. Uh, right after the picture was taken. Yeah. Yep. Just bounced along the faith. Uh, and then the other one died of heart failure, so I don't know whoever you believe, but Yeah. So nobody's broken their record. They're still the fattest twins. They, holy hell, they both weighed 200 pounds by age 10 and 600 pounds by age 16. Oh my gosh. So it says they had rubella, which is German measles when they were four years old, and that caused problems with their pituitary gland. Mm-hmm. I guess it just went nuts, I guess. Couldn't regulate their weight. Holy hell. Thank goodness we got a vaccine for that. Yeah, no joke. They dropped outta high school and moved to Texas. They had jobs in livestock branding where everything's bigger. Yeah. The cows are like, cows are like, come on over. Are you one of us? I know to win the herd. It reminds me, uh, George Carlin, this is when he was a lot older. This might have been his last standup, but he was talking about necrophilia, how humans are so fucked up like no other animal on earth will fuck a dead, whatever it is. Yeah. Like a rat will do disgusting shit, but it's not gonna fuck another rat. But humans look at a, some, some people look at that and somebody just died. Hey, let's fuck them. Yeah, man. What the fuck? I don't know. There's some very twisted people out there. See, I don't get that. Mm-hmm. I don't understand people. No. Well, and that's illegal, right? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Oh, what's that charge? Um, I think it's, uh, dese, desecration of a corpse or something like that. Yeah. Okay. So you're still protected after you're dead. All right. Oh, that came up in some case. And the state law, depending on which state you are in the law is different. And I don't remember where I heard this, but it was some true crime case where a guy did fuck a corpse, a woman who had died. Mm-hmm. And they, I mean, they have proof that he had sex with her corpse and they tried to charge him with rape. And he was found really guilty on rape and he appealed that decision and said, it's not rape. She was already dead. So his conviction was overturned. But I'm like, hold on a second. If somebody's raped, they didn't consent. Exactly. Obviously a corpse cannot consent, so how can it not be raped? But it just depends on the state. I thought that was interesting. No, I think that's a great argument that you just made, that it's all about consent and Right. I don't consent for that to happen to me after I'm dead or before. Honestly, though, I don't really care. Like I'm not gonna know about it. Yeah, I'm not gonna know about it. But knowing right now that it's a possibility, I'd prefer that it not If anybody's planning on violating me after I die, please don't tell me about it now. Just I wanna remain in the dark. Okay, here's some stats on, uh, speaking of the Moon Earths and all that. 25 God Almighty, 25% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. Oh my gosh, 25%, 10% think the earth is flat. 10%. That just baffles me, and I it does. Me too. I think we ought to gather up all the flat earthers and just shoot'em into space. Just shoot'em into space so they can see for themselves. Like, there it is, idiots. Mm-hmm. Wow. You know, I had a flat earth one time in, in a class, and, uh, he was, I mean, we were explaining stuff to him and he just kept coming back with shit. You know, really conspiracy people and people like that. They just always, they always have something to fall back on. They say, well, what about this? What about this? What about this? You can't argue with those people. And I say, I've had a flat earth, but 10% of Americans think the earth is flat. So just by those numbers, I've had more than one flat earth in my courses through the years. Well, yeah. They just weren't brave enough to speak up. Right. We just need to talk about what's 10%? We're talking about 330 or so million Americans. Yeah. So that's a good 30 to 35 million people. God, but just, just to put that in some numbers, 30 to 35 million people just in the us. Wow. Unbelievable. I hadn't really thought of it that way. I see that for sure. But yeah, see that's where the whole idea of it just pisses me off. Yeah. Because I shouldn't feel pressure to tip in a non tip kind of situation. Exactly. It's all gotten so outta hand, like we're supposed to tip everybody for everything. Well, I don't get tip for my job. You don't get tipped for your job. Right. Why don't we start turning an iPad around all people? Hey, maybe I should put a tip job at the end of your class in my classroom. Yes. Yes. You ought to do that just to see what happens. The biggest tippers get an a. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be a good, uh, like a sociological experiment. It would, like how many people are actually gonna tip, it'd be great. You also might get fired. Yeah. Yeah. That's no good. I know it's hard to believe, but Chris and I are not perfect, and if you still doubt me, here's some bloopers to prove it. Thank you so much for joining us again. Before we get into this week's topic, we have our little disclaimer, God damn it to hell. You can edit that. Just, you can say that again and, and move it. Yeah. I, I, I got really nervous cause I could tell you were about to turn it over to me and I. Oh, oh God. Just what you were saying, the, the people who typically are going to be against the transgender people participating in these sports do typically be, they'd be Republican, technically be, they'd be, does surprise me. So I, I, when I see physician's assistant, I think of how, what just happened. I was hearing all this noise. It was like raining. Seriously. Do you think I was, Chris panned down, Chris panned the camera down and I didn't know what was about to happen. I thought at first the camera was falling, like your computer's falling or something. That's very long. Was very likely to, could just be me. All right. Hey everybody. Welcome to Subpar Talks where we have conversations. So your video kind of froze. Yeah. And it was when you were blinking and your eyes were closed. But I didn't know you were frozen. I thought you were crazy. Whoa. You came nar Did you think you had, did you think you had found me in the moment? Like this was it Thought it was all over. Yeah. You don't have to wait and wander. Yes, absolutely. Now, uh, I did, uh, I, I can, I can. Absolutely. Hello? I can absolutely say that from being a kid. Fuck. All right. Okay, here we go. Do you hate being Jesus Christ? All right. Do you hate being stuck in boring conversations? Do you like to be entertained while you're learning? If you answered those questions with a yes, then Subpar Talks is the podcast for you. Hi everybody. I'm Jeff. And I'm Chris. And each week we tackle different topics, whether they're funny or serious or crazy or sane, politics, religion. True crime. What happened? I dunno. I'm losing it. Well, I thought we were being really mature. Well, I kind of fumbled something up above. I don't remember what it was, but we gotta start over. Okay. All right. It really was going fine till I did that. Okay. Do you hate being stuck in boring conversations? Well, wait a minute. I'm not at the, I'd scroll down. Like where am I? Well, obviously, um, what's the word I'm looking for? You're gonna have to, you didn't have to edit this where? Very bisexual. What? No. Well, it was that, that. We're, he was like ragging on, on the district attorney as being very, um, what the fuck? I don't know when he is like slamming them. He is, he's being, um, saying negative things about them. Oh, plan password here. When he's writing the, uh, I'm thinking of a, when he's writing the column, he was writing a, a weekly column in the newspaper. Yes, but I'm thinking of a c not he's bearing very critical. Okay. Hold critical. There we go. All right. We'll see if we can put this on there. So I'm being terrorized by a goddamn moth and he won't leave me alone. Like Rudy's. I was hoping that, I was hoping that he just fly away, but as, as he is terrorizing me, leave me alone. Well, you don't want moths in your clothes. Get this shirt is from Rudy's, you're out to burn them. Moth ridden cabana crap. I don't either. I, the whole thing of no liquor sales on Sunday. Uh, to me it's a stupid, it's a stupid law. And now I wish you would've. I wish you would've not muted your mic. Well, I can do it again. Damn, I'm choking here. All right. What, what happened here? Did somebody come into, I think somebody came into our call. Did you see that? What, yeah. So the screen flashed on, like another person was coming in and then it immediately went away. But did you just hear tones? No, I did. I heard tones like somebody dropped off. See, I don't care for that. The, the government. I think I can set a password on this. I might have to do that. Well, we might, the password we need to get in. Who knows who's gonna drop in? Well, that's weird. We could, we could start interviewing. Yeah. Well, and we have a guest. Do you have anything to add? Well, had it all right there for what you were talking about and I lost it. It'll come back. Not, uh, that's good. All right, so you're talking about, did you have something else to say? Uh, maybe. I don't know. All right. We'll see y'all next week, right? All right. She's been great. Yeah. Hey everybody. Welcome to Subpar Talks where we have conversations about everything. Do you, you forget who you were. Yeah, I was waiting on you to talk and I was like, oh, forgot to say who I am. Jesus Christ. All right. I'm, I'm shocked. Hello. And so, there you go. That is another Subpar Talks, right? We're gonna have to edit all of this out. And I think that is about it. Chris, how would you, of all these disasters, what would you, your preferred way to, or what would you prefer to go out? Um, uh, I'm, I'm, I phrased that really badly, but what would you be your preferred method for? One chair or another plus plus tooth extractions. Yes. He's talking about how have the Chinese, like they've seen a knife and a fork, uh, spoon. And he is like, there's not a farmer out there with two pool pool. God, I can't say it. There's not a farmer out there with two pool, God dammit. Well, that's going in the blooper reel. Yeah. There's not a farm. Touchy subjects, hot button issues. And we're gonna inject humor into all of that. And if that's not your thing, that's okay, but you might not wanna, I have no idea what I'm saying. I don't even know where I left off. Fuck me. Just say that part again. The fuck me? No before that. All right. The Bureau of Labor Statistics projects that there will be a 3.2% fewer. Well, let me start over. The Bureau of Labor, fuck me. All right. The Bureau of Labor Statistics Projects, there will be a 3.2% fewer broadcasters. I did it again. I said, oh, God damn it. All right. The Bureau of Labor Statistics Projects, there will be a 3.2% fewer. Well, the sentence is written wrong. No wonder it sounds stupid. It's written wrong. God damnit, fuck you, USA Today. Sounds a bitch. You can go to hell. I was gonna say, for that matter, something happens that it reduces the population. Well, that's not good. Holy shit. Oh my God. Well, you suck. Fireball down the wrong way. That's not good. You ever done that where you're gonna swallow and then all of a sudden you have to cough and you're like, holy shit, I got liquid in my mouth. I gotta swallow it, or I'm gonna blow it all over the place. Well, that'll be a great blooper. I'm looking forward to listening to that again. All right, there you go. That is the best of Subpar Talks episodes one through 50, part two and some bloopers. We hope you enjoyed that. If you like this kind of stuff, then you are our kind of people. This is your type of podcast and you should absolutely, positively follow us on whatever platform you listen to podcasts on, because that way you're gonna get new episodes when they drop every single Tuesday. And while you are there, go ahead and rate us if you could. We would be really happy if you'd give us five stars and while you're there, go ahead and type something. It doesn't matter what you type, you could type anything. But the way these apps work is that if you type something, it makes it easier for people to discover the show. We have a website that is Subpar Talks dot com. There you can email us, you can leave us a voicemail. If you wanna make suggestions for topics we should cover on future episodes, you can go ahead and do that as well. We always take those into consideration. We are on social media on Twitter, we are at Subpar Talks on Facebook. We are Subpar Talks. If you wanna follow our personal Twitter accounts, you can do that as well on there. I am at@independentjeff and I am at Chris Bradford tx, and we have other social media links on our website. You can check those out. And last, but never, ever least share Subpar Talks on social media. Talk to your friends, family, colleagues about it because the more people we have listening to this show, the easier it is for us to get this content to you every single week. Thanks everybody for listening, and we will be back next week. Until then, so long.

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