Subpar Talks

E50 - Best Of Subpar Talks, Part 1

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We reached a bit of a milestone—our 50th episode! So, this week we look back at the best of Subpar Talks, Part 1. Enjoy! 

 Hosted by Chris and Jeff

  

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Jeff:

This week, it's the best of episodes, 1 through 50. Welcome to Subpar Talks. Hey everybody. Welcome to Subpar Talks, where we have conversations about everything. I'm Jeff.

Chris:

And I'm Chris.

Jeff:

Thank you again for joining us and yes, it is time for our standard disclaimer. Listener discretion is advised. We will curse from time to time, perhaps a lot, and depending on the episode, we will touch on some mature subject matter and we inject our humor into a lot of this stuff. So if that is not your thing, then perhaps we are not your thing, but for everybody else, Settle in because here we go with this week's topics, And this is exciting. This is our first episode, I think I said last week. I don't know if I said it in the recording, but we were losing our podcast virginity last week, but, but that episode was only like seven minutes long. So this is for real. I'm not, yeah, I'm not sure it qualifies. Last week was just a tip. This week is a full on encounter. Full on. It's full on. We're going all the way. In 50 episodes, we'll be full fledged podcast sluts. That brings me to 2007 at the Minneapolis airport. Have you ever been to the Minneapolis airport? I have been to the Minneapolis airport. Have you ever used the bathroom at the Minneapolis airport?

Chris:

I've done that too, but I can guarantee you right now it wasn't the way

Jeff:

he did. So for those of you who don't know, Larry Craig was traveling and his travels brought him to the airport in Minneapolis, and evidently, I don't know how anybody knows this, but people do. There is a bathroom. Or there was, I don't know if it is now because of what happened, but there was a bathroom there that would be a meetup point for people who wanted to have sex. So you would go into the bathroom and you would go into a stall, and if there's a person in the stall next to you, you reach over and you tap their foot. And if they give you any kind of a tap back or whatever, then that lets them know that you're into it. And so let's talk and go meet up somewhere. Okay, so Larry Craig goes into a stall, taps the guy's foot. Turns out the guy next to him is an undercover cop. Larry Craig is horrified and he gets arrested for this. He is charged with. So two charges. He's charged with interference with privacy, which I don't even know what that is. It sounds very vague and disorderly conduct, which is also very vague. Those were both misdemeanors. Larry Craig, if you listened to the audiotape of where the cop is interviewing him, who arrested him? Larry Craig. Pleads guilty because he's scared this is gonna come out. He maintains his innocence. I wasn't doing anything wrong. The cop asked him about what he was doing. And Do you remember what Larry Craig's response was? He said, I'm, I have a wide stance. Yes. So in other words, when I take a shit, my feet are so wide apart that sometimes I hit people's foot in the stall next to me. Which is ridiculous. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Chris:

Well, I've never heard of doing a skin graft that way, so I imagine there's a reason it doesn't happen like that anymore.

Jeff:

Well, okay. Well maybe you know more about it than I do, cuz I, I don't, I, I know next to nothing about it. But evidently that's what they did back in 1921 or 22, I think is when the surgery actually happened. So, When the third surgery was done, he detaches the hand from the chest. The hand had excessive skin, so there's a lot of loose skin on this hand, mostly fatty tissue. And get this, there was hair on the palm. Yeah. Which, Can you imagine like that's the most cliche joke ever about excessive masturbation. Like you've got a hairy hand, you got hairy palms. Poor George actually had a hairy palm, so they're like, you promised us a 100% good hand, and now I have a fat hairy hand, so you need to pay. So they sued the doctor and so they go to trial. And regarding the excess skin on the hand, like they had to tackle that first, like, is this normal? Is somebody supposed to have all this excess skin on the hand? The doctor testified, Dr. McGee, he said it is preferable to have too much skin rather than too little because there is always shrinkage after the operation. So there's a Seinfeld reference. There you go. There's Seinfeld reference number one. Shrinkage. So I've never heard of shrinkage of Not in the hand. Not in the hand. Even with a Harry palm. Yeah, there's no shrinkage of the hand. But evidently it's better to have too much skin than too little because. You don't want too little because then it would go on, like your skin would crack. Like there's not enough skin there. Yeah. You

Chris:

couldn't move it. Right. But I mean, too much isn't good. That's

Jeff:

not good either. Yeah. So this poor kid was promised a 100% good Harry, uh, hand, and now he's got a, a fat, hairy hand. And so he testifies at trial of course. He says to the jury when he saw the hand, it looked so bad that he just asked the doctor to cut it off.

Chris:

Whoa. It's like,

Jeff:

I cannot possibly live with this. Look at it. Just cut it off and I'll be done. Yeah, I'll be done with it. It's a fat, hairy hand. That's not what I thought I was getting here. Um, he testified that the hand would bleed several times and become raw when he was doing work. So any kind of manual labor, and this is disgusting and I don't even know what it is, but he said a yellow matter would run out of it. Oh, that's, that is far less than a hundred percent. That's worse than the chili leaking out of the stomach.

Chris:

Yeah. Well, and I mean, I. Wouldn't you think? I mean, skin is skin, isn't it? At least on the outside of your body. I mean, I know that like, you know, skin inside your mouth, nose, whatever, that's different, but. Couldn't your, your chest, skin hold up to the same thing

Jeff:

that you keep hands scan yellow matter inside?

Chris:

Yeah. I mean, imagine if that was leaking outta your chest. You have bigger

Jeff:

problems, I think. What would you be your preferred method for? For going out

Chris:

fires and drowning would just be horrible. I think, well, maybe the first thing that comes to mind trying to run back through those is the, uh, explosion. Like either. Either just the explosion itself or you know, something rains down on me from the explosion and just take, you know, just wipe me out. I don't even know what's happening.

Jeff:

Yeah. That was my first thought. So the Texas City thing like, yeah. Where you're close enough to where you don't even know what happens. Like, would you even hear it? I don't know. Yeah.

Chris:

Kinda like a nuclear explosion. You want, you want to go toward where it's hitting, right. Just just get it

Jeff:

over with. Well, that would do it. Yeah. So there you go. That is the 10 worst jobs in America of these 10. And I can go through the list again if you want me to, but of these 10, which one would you prefer to work in if you had to choose among these? Which one would it be? I

Chris:

think my choice, and this is sounds like a cop out, but it would have to be the number 10 as a painter. Because honestly some of those, and, and part of this is personal preference, they just don't sound appealing to me for my interest. I mean, honestly, no, I don't have an interest in being a painter as a profession either. But you know, let's say that I could be a. House painter, and I mean like even painting the insides of houses, I mean, I could paint. That just sounds terrible. It does because I don't enjoy it. Now there are people who actually enjoy that. They love it. Yeah. That's not me. But I mean, if I had to pick one, I'd probably pick that. It's, uh, especially in that kind of environment, I would say it's, uh, extremely low danger. I mean, I'm not talking about painting bridges and stuff. So, yeah, I guess I could, I guess I could

Jeff:

handle that. I think mine would be dj. There's certain aspects of being a DJ that I think would be pretty cool.

Chris:

I think it would be a reason I didn't pick something like that is because the thing about the painter is we're always going to, uh, the thing, we're always going to need painters, so, And we're already talking about DJs going away. I don't want to feel like, oh, today could be the day

Jeff:

you were thinking more in depth about it than I was. I was just thinking like, would it be cool to have that job and

Chris:

just the day to day? No, that would be cool. I, yeah, I could see that.

Jeff:

On the other hand, I don't know all what DJs do. I'm just thinking about. I'm thinking about Johnny Fever and W K R P dating myself there, but you're just coming in hungover, maybe high and spinning records, and that's your job. That just seems kind of cool to me, but there are probably aspects of it that just suck,

Chris:

I'm sure. Yeah.

Jeff:

So. These are just a few examples and we could list many more where what the majority of Americans want is not what we're getting. And clearly the study is onto something because there is a disconnect between what happens as far as policy outcomes, laws, and all that to what everyday average Americans want. But here's, and I wanna get your take on this. This is where I struggle. It gets to how much power we should have as citizens. To make decisions, but what kind of power should that be? Because on the one hand, if we're truly, if we're truly free, then why not Let us decide? Why not let us have that power and those laws will succeed or fail on their merits. Like w when you live under something and it, it doesn't work, then clearly we need to get rid of it. Right? But on the other hand, People can make some really stupid decisions, right? Really uneducated ill-informed decisions and that could cause the rest of the people harm because they lack that education and information. On the other hand, we have a bunch of dip shits in Congress too who make decisions based on false information. So I don't know. I don't know where that line is. Well,

Chris:

and what further complicates it in Congress is you've got. Those dip shits that don't, that they're not even well informed on the topic. Plus they're getting money fed into their pockets. At least the average American isn't getting money fed into their pockets for making their stupid decisions True. They're only making the stupid decision because they're stupid. Yeah, and, and when I say stupid, I mean like, you know, being able to evaluate all of the. You know, all the ins and outs of everything and go, is this the right decision? Not just because one person disagrees and calls it stupid, but I mean, like, you have to look. Is it, that's another thing is so many people voting against their own best interests amazing that, you know, you, you go for the lines that are being fed to you and then. You just accept that, oh, what they told me is the right thing. But then not following through and seeing, for example, right here that I voted for these people because of everything that they said, but then when they get in office, those people aren't doing any of those things that they talked about, or literally the opposite. So that's where you're not voting in your own best interest. Yeah. But anyway, I mean that, that whole idea of, you know, who, where should you put the power, the part of that problem is regardless of whether it's with the people or, or the, the legislative bodies is, you know, it honestly comes down a lot to where they're able to get their money from, because that's the influence. I mean, it, it's so unfortunate that it's that way, but it's, it's a fact.

Jeff:

Who wrote The Jungle was that, uh, there's two authors. There's Upton Sinclair and Sinclair Lewis and I never, I think it's Upton Sinclair. Anyway, he has a quote that I really like he said or wrote. It is very difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon him not understanding it. Mm. And I just think about the 90% want universal background checks. Well, who doesn't? The NRA. So when they're continually lining members of Congress pockets with their money and helping them get reelected, then yeah, they

Chris:

say, yeah, that doesn't look like a good

Jeff:

idea. Yeah. See, I don't understand that. No, you don't need that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So let's get into that. So botched executions, um, Thank God somebody defined it for us. There's a political scientist at Amherst College in Massachusetts named Austin Surat, and he wrote a book called Gruesome Spectacles, botched Executions, and America's Death Penalty. Which sounds like some really cheery reading, but here's how he defines botched executions. He says, botched executions occur when there is a breakdown in or departure from the protocol for a particular method of execution. The protocol can be established by the norms, expectations, and advertised virtues of each method, or by the government's officially adopted execution guidelines. Botched executions are those involving unanticipated problems or delays that caused or at least arguably unnecessary agony for the prisoner, or that reflect gross incompetence of the executioner. Examples of such problems include among other things, inmates catching fire while being electrocuted, being strangled during hangings instead of having their necks broken and being administered the wrong dosages of specific drugs for lethal injections. See now that one I don't get. Well, okay, we'll get to that. But it is, yes. So he put that a lot more eloquently I think, than I could. So a botched execution is where the executioner or somebody involved in the whole process fuck something up. So something doesn't go right and there's a problem. Well, whoever botched

Chris:

that up should just be executed too. I

Jeff:

mean, like I would think that would be a pretty good incentive to. To not screw it up, right? Yeah.

Chris:

You would think,

Jeff:

let's go to 1890. 1890. We're going to New York. There's a guy named William Kimmler. He was not a good person. I don't know what he did in the rest of his life, but in this particular instance, he murdered his girlfriend with a hatchet that was enough to earn him a murder conviction and a death sentence. This execution is unique in that it was the first in this country to use the electric chair as a method of execution. And since we're talking about it in the context of botched executions, no, it did not go well. So they strapped him to the chair, put the electrodes on and all that, and he said, these are his last words. Take it easy and do it properly. I'm in no hurry. I bet you're not.

Chris:

No, I I don't have a good feeling about it. No,

Jeff:

you are not in a hurry. You're open. They could take all the time in the world they want. So they sent a thousand volts into, uh, William here. And they figured that would do it because they had electrocuted a horse the day before. Like if it can kill this big beast, it won't be a problem on William, surely, right? Big mistake. Big mistake. So they ran it for 17 seconds and they stopped it. And a doctor went up and determined that he was still breathing after 17 seconds. Mm. And so they ordered him to do it again, and this time they did 2000 volts. They cranked it up and witnesses said there was, uh, the smell of burning flesh. Oh. Oh, I guess so. Yeah. Some people said there was actual fire, but the New York Times who reported on this didn't say that, but they said there was definitely the, the smell of like singed hair, uh, and burning flesh. Isn't it amazing? So this is 1890 that they're, they're executing somebody by electrocution. How long before that was, did they develop the ability to even conduct electricity? Like That's exactly

Chris:

what I was wondering because I wouldn't think it could have been very long before that. No, I mean, the light bulb by Edison I think was just done in what, like the

Jeff:

1870s. I was thinking 1870s. Yeah, so in the 1870s.

Chris:

So we barely invented the light bulb, but now we're gonna start

Jeff:

electrocuting people like, Hey look, we can conduct electricity and we can light up tie rooms. Is, isn't that great? And then they went from that to, Hey, I bet we can kill a person with those. Yes. Amazing. Or, or

Chris:

possibly. Right. We can try. Well and okay, so. So that's just the thing right there. They did a thousand volts, it didn't do it. Then they crank it to 2000 to really get the job done. Why don't you just start with 2000?

Jeff:

Like, I don't know. Good question. I mean, are we really

Chris:

that concerned with cost? Is this, you know, are we per kilowatt hour kinda thing?

Jeff:

Okay. So of our methods of execution here, we have hanging electrocution, gas chamber, lethal injection, and the firing squad. If you had to choose which one would it be? I would

Chris:

think the firing squad. But I don't want any countdown. Like just I'm there and, and then I'm not. Yeah, and and that's the thing with any of the rest of it, you wouldn't, you would have that anticipation. You know, you, you know, when you're about to be, you know, have the, the floor drop out from under you or whatever, with the hanging

Jeff:

or,

Chris:

yeah. Um, you know, when they're starting the drugs on the lethal injection or I, I, I couldn't take

Jeff:

that. That's just, I, I couldn't either. I, I can't even, I can't even imagine it. But you know how fast your brain works, right? Like your brain operates so fast. I'm thinking about the floor dropping out from you on a hanging, like your brain's gonna operate fast enough to send the signal that here it is. It's happening. It's happened. Yes. Yeah. Oh, man, I gotta get a deep breath just thinking about that. I know.

Chris:

Well, and things like, yeah. Because things like that happen in your brain in slow motion. You can take it all in. Yeah. And no, I, I don't need to know any of that. Like, I think the bullet would hit me about the time that I'd hear it probably. So, you know, there's nothing to it.

Jeff:

And hopefully they don't miss

Chris:

Yeah. Well, I, I wouldn't move.

Jeff:

Get it in there real good. Yeah. I'd, yeah, I'd puff out my chest like there it is.

Chris:

Okay. They found the blow poke all these years ago hid that fact that they did know that it was here, made up the story that it was missing as though that was the discarded murder weapon. And that's exactly what his attorney said then is okay. Clearly now we know even after we found it, that that was not the murder weapon. So what's their answer to that? If he killed her, what did he kill her with and where is that thing?

Jeff:

Right. Very good question. And I remember, uh, and, and I don't know who the actress is that plays the assistant district attorney, but I remember watching the documentary and I could not stand that woman. She's pretty horrific the way she talked, so she, I mean, we're in the South, North Carolina, so it was all her accent and her tone. And boy, she harped on the bisexual stuff, like she's all over the porn and just, Like it's ramming it ramming it down their throats. Yeah,

Chris:

man, I, I think I, I don't know. She, she got a little too excited about all the, the gay porn stuff. Yes. Like

Jeff:

what's going on with that? I don't know.

Chris:

Now what I could say, could have something to do with it. If this theory held true is if Kathleen had found out about him having any sort of extramarital relationship and that led to the violence, the motive, et cetera. But yeah, it doesn't matter at that point whether it's bisexual. Heterosexual purely, you know, homosexual, it doesn't matter. Yeah. And they made such a big deal about that in the trial as that going to his character, and particularly his character in terms of being dishonest and hiding it. But he could be that way, whether it were gay, bisexual, or not.

Jeff:

See they were, cuz you can't bring up his character. Right, but you can go in the back door to use, use another, use another reference, but you, you can't harp on his character. But you can put that as part of the motive. And if your theory of a motive is she found out about all this stuff that he was doing, then you can present it to the jury and they're hoping your everyday average Walmart shopper on that jury is gonna say, well, look what he's doing. He's doing all this gay stuff behind closed doors and all that. So, Yeah, he must have killed her. Like that's the leap in logic that the government wanted them to make. I think we said pretty much all there is to say about the staircase. Yeah. But do you have any final thoughts you wanna ram anything else down somebody's throat? You know,

Chris:

one thing I thought about with all of this is the shame of not having cameras inside a house at the time. You know, as long as you're not actually killing people, then it might be to your benefit.

Jeff:

Speaking of this, and, and let's be clear who this is, who's trying to get these books banned? It is Christian conservatives. That's who's doing it. Can you think of a book throughout history? That has a whole lot of shit in it that is scandalous. And if this were in any other book, they'd be crying for this to be banned also. Absolutely.

Chris:

Right. I mean, Bible's got war. Yep. And

Jeff:

rape. Yep. Murder. Yep. Incest. Yep. Animal sacrifice. Yeah. Human sacrifice. Human sacrifice. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I mean, Jesus, Jesus was put on a cross and nailed to it. Right. Like that. They see that as the ultimate sacrifice. Yeah. But that's violent as hell. Yeah. So I looked this up. I was curious. When I started thinking about the Bible and all the violence and everything that you just mentioned has in it, do we have a death toll from the Bible? How many people actually died in the Bible? Has anybody ever done that count? And sure enough, somebody has, um, this is according to oc.com, this guy did a study. And this poor soul. He went through the entire Bible and started keeping a running count of everybody who God had killed. And specific incidences where we know that God in the Bible killed somebody through whatever different means. It's about 3 million people. But wow, that doesn't count the worst, which is the flood where God killed. Everybody on earth, including children, except for how many people were on the ark? Was it eight or, I don't remember what it was, but whatever. Something like that. Yeah. He killed the entire population of the earth except for those people on the ark. So talk about violence and then, yeah. Incest. Do you know the St. This is so stupid and messed up, but do you know about the story of Lot and his daughters? I've heard,

Chris:

I, I don't remember.

Jeff:

I just remember the gist of it, and this is something that would've never been taught like in Sunday school, but, but lots daughters, if I remember right, they get all freaked out because they're aging and they're worried that they're not gonna have any children. They don't have a husband, so they're not gonna be able to children, and so they get their dad drunk and have sex with him. And he impregnates'em both. I think so. Well, my mother's my sister. Yeah, mother's my sister from grant theft oh three. Yes. That's what we're dealing with here, and that's in the Bible. Can you imagine if that was in a book written today in 2022, what those people would be saying about that being on the library shelf? They would lose their shit. They'd be like a monkey throwing their feces around the cage and yelling and jumping and hollering and all that. That's what it would be. Absolutely. But it's in the Bible, so it's okay. It's okay. Do you want to hear my, my favorite Bible verse? Absolutely.

Chris:

Let's go. It's gonna be great.

Jeff:

This is something that never would've been taught in Sunday school either. This is from, um, this is from the, the book of Ezekiel. And I said, this was my second, or I said this was my first or favorite Bible verse. Hello. Maybe it's second to Samuel Jackson's recitation of Ezekiel 25 17. I was gonna say,

Chris:

I know he, he quoted Ezekiel. That's when I heard that. Yeah. When it was, when I saw Pulp Fiction the first time and he started quoting Ezekiel, I was like, oh, this is not gonna end well.

Jeff:

Uhuh. Well, there can't be anything good from Ezekiel like somebody's gonna No. Get murdered anyway. This is also from Ezekiel. I don't remember chapter and verse, but it doesn't matter, does it? Uh, here we go. When she carried on her whoring openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her and disgusted just as I had turned away from her sister. Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose omissions were like that of horses. So you long for the lewdness of your youth when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.

Chris:

Whoa. All right. This makes

Jeff:

you feel very sanctimonious, doesn't it? Makes you wanna just kneel and pray, right? God, please give me genitals like a donkey. You mean the

genitals

Chris:

of a donkey?

Jeff:

And my emissions, my emissions are lacking. I want, I want an admission like that of a horse. Please God, please. Unbelievable. So I read, uh, an article in the Atlantic that I will reference when we're done with this list, cuz I have the top 10 here. But they said happiness is more, and they had the actual question that they asked the people, and I don't remember specifically what it was, but it's more about are you content? Are you content? Are you satisfied with your life, where you live, how things are going in the country, that kind of stuff. So happiness might be a bit of a misnomer. Are you content?

Chris:

Okay. Well, and let me just clarify. Me saying I was content was in the very specific moment that you asked the question, so let's not, if, if we widen that time period a little bit more outside asking the question, my answer can change

Jeff:

drastically. It's gonna fluctuate. Definitely, I think for me too. No doubt. And the thing is like, what does it, and, and. Maybe I'll put the link to that Atlantic article article in the episode notes. But the thing is like you can be content and not really have a lot of material possessions, right? Like I'm sure you're gonna find people like in African countries or Asian countries who. They have to shit in a hole. But if you ask them if they're happy, they're, yep. They're like, yeah, I've got a family and I've got a roof over my head and whatever. And meanwhile, hole the shit in.

Chris:

Right. Some people probably

Jeff:

don't even have a hole. That's true. I came across, uh, and you've probably seen her, um, I don't know what her title is. Is she the president or Prime minister? I think she might be. Prime Minister of New Zealand. Jacinda Arder. For the listeners out there, Google her and then Google Mackenzie Phillips. I've always thought they looked similar. Do you know who Mackenzie Phillips is? Really? Yeah, she was the, she was on one Day at a time. Yeah, she was the older daughter on one day at a time. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Chris:

And the daughter of, I don't know who that was. In the

Jeff:

Mamas and the Papas. Well, yeah. Okay. That's what I was gonna say. Mackenzie Phillips has not had a good life and it kinda shows. But yeah, drugs, drug use, and, and incest will do that to a person. Oh, incest two. Yeah. She came out several years ago and said that she had a sexual relationship with her father, whatever his name was, from the mamas in the Papas. Oh,

Chris:

I guess I missed that one. I knew about the drug use. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it was the incest that caused the drug use,

Jeff:

and I gotta say, uh, Sweden. Sweden, you deserve a round of applause because. You turn out some beautiful people, and I of course am talking about the women. I can't find beauty in a man. No, as Jerry Seinfeld said, I find them repugnant and unappealing

Chris:

as Elaine said. You know, just at admitting that a male is attractive doesn't necessarily make you gay.

Jeff:

I gotta give George's response. It doesn't help. Doesn't help. That's right. But yeah, good job, Sweden. Maybe we should, uh, we should have Sweden as our adopted country here on Subpar, Talks. I mean, we might need to find a country to move to pretty soon. So it's slicking that way. Yeah, they're sure as hell happier than we are. Yeah. So when are we joining the mafia? Well, if anybody has

Chris:

any openings, you

Jeff:

know how to get in touch with us. Here's what I want, here's what I want. I want the money. No risk to me or anybody I care about, is that possible?

Chris:

Not from the footage I've seen.

Jeff:

So the guy was getting off. Well, trying to get off the subway. I don't guess he really succeeded. Did he? He was trying to get off, but his, I mean, he was late or it was crowded or whatever, and the doors closed on his pants. And so he is trying to get onto the platform and the train says, no, you're not. And uh, just drags him off the platform and onto the track. And killed him. That's crazy. I know. And so all these New Yorkers are, are commenting about, you know, yeah. That's why I don't wear loose clothing. And then people were saying they need to go back to the days when the conductors would look out the windows. And I'm like, what is that? And I read more about that. And conductors used to. Before they start the train, when they're stopped in a station, before they start the train, they look out to their left, they look out to their right to make sure nobody's next to the train, caught in the door, whatever. And then they go, but this cracks me up. It's not good, but it's funny. Um, they had to stop that because people would throw stuff at the conductor when, when he stuck his head out the window. Well, obviously,

Chris:

I mean, wouldn't you have

Jeff:

to? All right. I think we've thought about this separately before, which says something about our brains, but we have laughed about it since, and that is what would happen if you died. You were alone. How long would it take before somebody found your body? So I thought

Chris:

about this considerably, and I decided that it all depended on the day of the week because my schedule is different. And so if, for example, it's early in the week. My daughter might be here one night and not the next night. Then she might be here the night after that. So you know, if I'm not showing up somewhere, answering a phone, whatever, then that would probably be discovered very quickly. But at the end of the week, it's a different story because I may have, you know, a completely different set of stuff going on on the weekend, and I may be very independent about it. I'm not working during that time, so I'm not missing any work. It's like, no knows, nobody cares, nobody notices. So it's gonna have to be the stench that calls people and say, I think something is very wrong over here.

Jeff:

And here's another thing. So growing up, like going to church, I would have, you know, slacks and they had pleats, right? You had pleats on the front. Mm-hmm. And then at some point the world decided that pleats are out and you should have a flat front. So I was sticking with the pleats. That's what I was used to. But then I was like, I found myself in an uncomfortable situation where I'm looking at every other male I encounter at work and I'm looking at their, the front of their pants. Well, that

Chris:

could another show.

Jeff:

Yeah, well he is got a flat front. Oh, he is? Got a flat front. And here I am in pleats. So at some point I was like, okay, I guess we're doing flat front now. So, I guess I'm just not very in tune with, with that kinda stuff. Well, I wasn't either,

Chris:

so I can put myself right there in that category. I, and I'm probably still not enough, like as much as I might wanna be, but I'm a little bit more than I was. One of the things that I noticed, and this scared the shit outta me is pleats went away and went to flat front. I didn't even know it until the pleats came back.

Jeff:

Wait, so pleats are back. Oh, they're

Chris:

gone again. I think they, I, I, I believe if I have my time right, that they went away and came back. But now they're, yeah, you're right. Now they're gone. They're, it's flat front. And I personally, so here's the deal. I kinda like the pleaded

Jeff:

front. Yeah.

Chris:

Nevermind that that pleats and, and this is one of the things about them, you know, they can hide the, what you don't. If you gain weight, then the pleats take care of that to an extent. I thought you're talking about

Jeff:

if you got an erection, Well,

Chris:

well, I'd have to have more pleas.

Jeff:

There's no hiding anything with a flat front. You're just screwed. No, you're just out there. Yeah, that's absolutely true. This article also says researchers have found that doctors that doctors who curse in front of their patients are seen as less trustworthy and less expert than those who don't. Can you imagine your doctor cursing in front of you? Well, you got a big fucking zoomer on your liver. Yeah, I cannot imagine that. But evidently it happens because it's included in this.

Chris:

Yeah. It's like, well, you're going

Jeff:

down the shutter today.

Chris:

You know, one of the, one of the first things, well, they were the first. Was to show a female kissing another female, and it was really Sharon Stone. Kissed Roseanne, but they didn't even show it. Like they couldn't show it. They weren't allowed to show it. You

Jeff:

just ruined it for me, by the way. You said Sharon Stone. Sorry. And I got excited. I know. Well, you

Chris:

can. So I think Roseanne went off in 98, so you can back up like six years and go watch basic instinct and that'll, that'll clear it all up.

Jeff:

So I'll run down the list again. This will be fun. Pussy piss dick whore hell, nigga, bitch ass. Shit. Fuck. I sound like I'm rapping. Which of these do you use the most? Uh, it's gotta be shut or fuck. Yeah, same. I mean, that worked really well. So we agree. Oswald was the lone shooter. That's what all the evidence points to you. Do you think it was any kind of a conspiracy or do you think Oswald was doing it all on his own?

Chris:

I would say the same thing to that too. There was always the part of me that. Kind of wanted to believe that there was something bigger to it. I agree that I don't think there's anything out there that really points in that direction. Yeah. There's also incomplete information. I don't think anybody's ever gonna know for a fact. It's, well, this is what I believe. Based on what we do know. There's a lot of coincidences. I mean, just the very idea that. Okay. We had this, this, uh, heightened tension with Russia and the guy who was the, the trigger man had actually defected to Russia. I mean, there's all kinds of, of coincidences there, which just supports wanting to believe that, but Right. You can't look at anything and say, oh yeah, I think this is what happened. But I think, yeah, you want to believe something like that cuz it just, ma, I don't know. It makes the story better, but going back to Reagan, like, well, there wasn't anything to it. Yeah.

Jeff:

Yeah, I agree. And I, I'm, I'm the same way, like, especially after I saw J F K, the movie I was like, I was into it like, yeah, there's gotta be other stuff. Thank God I didn't have the internet back then because I would've gotten on there and who knows where I would've ended up. I might be one of those crazy people on the street corner downtown trying to sell tours or whatever. You know you're having a tinfoil hat on. Yes. But I'm like you. I mean, there's just not enough evidence there for me to say that there was any kind of a conspiracy. And here's the thing, so. This is the same with people who claim that, oh, the US government was behind nine 11 or, or anything like that. People will claim that the government can't do anything that the government's incompetent, right? They can't even patch the potholes in the street and in the next breath they tell me that there's a massive conspiracy between all these government officials to cover this up. How could that be the case? And nothing has ever, ever come out. Nobody's defected and said, Hey, look, this is what happened. And they have evidence to prove it. Even if somebody says, this is what happened, there's been no evidence that there was any conspiratorial act here at all.

Chris:

Exactly. That's that's a great point. The the same thing was being said with Covid, for example, and saying that, you know, that was government manufactured and oh, they just wanna inject you with this vaccine that's gonna alter your dna. And that's why they came up with the disease in the first place. And the whole thing is a conspiracy and it's like, Do you really think that that many people in all of those levels of government, nevermind the fact that it was international, can keep that secret? Yeah, that that number one, yeah, that they can get it organized, and number two, that the secret can be kept. I'm sure this is a quote from someone, but I don't remember who said the only way that three people can keep a secret is if two of

Jeff:

them are dead. Yeah, I've heard that. I've heard that. I like it too. I've always said if I was gonna murder somebody, there's gonna be my D n A all over the goddamn place, a hair or whatever. It's like I stand, no chance of not getting caught. Really, you don't think you get away with it? Okay. Well, you're laughing and I'm laughing because I know we've both thought about this. Not anybody specifically, but just could I get away with it? Right. I tend to think that yes I could, but if I did it, I don't know that I'd be able to cherry, how can I go on? So I don't know that I could continue to. To go on with my life and act completely normal. Okay. I don't think I could do that. Yeah. Do you, could you get away with a

Chris:

murder? I think, well, whether I could go on, I think it'd depend on the circumstances. Like I might be more okay with it if it were one of those things where I felt, you know,

Jeff:

justified. Justified. Okay. Yeah, me too. True.

Chris:

As to whether or not I could get away with it, I think. Just from the glorification of movie type stuff, I would like to think that I could,

Jeff:

yeah. See, okay. That, yeah, that puts it better than, than I did. I would like to think that I could, yeah, I think that I'm, I don't know, pretty smart, clever. Like I've seen enough documentaries, read enough and books, seen enough movies. To where people get, I know how they get caught a lot of times, so don't do that. Don't do that. Like I know what to avoid. Right? But who knows? I don't know.

Chris:

Well, and you hear, you know of people that get caught, like, why in the hell did you do that? Like really? That's the

Jeff:

best you could do. I know, I know. I mean, see

Chris:

that it's those kinds of things when I hear it and I go, oh yeah, I could do better than that.

Jeff:

Um, okay, so here's who else is getting screwed in my humble opinion. American workers. Yep. And here's the thing. So with all of these types of issues, The fact that we're getting fucked. I tend to look at the, like the political part of it, at least first. That's just in my nature training, whatever. I look at the political aspect of it, and if you look at any polls, both Democrats and Republicans agree that we're getting screwed. Where they disagree is who's actually doing the screwing, right? Yeah. So republicans tend to say, oh, it's the government who's fucking you. And then the Democrats typically say, oh, it's the corporation's fucking you. And so they can't agree on, on who's, who's, Dick is in my ass. That's what they can agree on. So maybe through this episode, we'll, Shed a little light on that. And I mean, listeners can obviously come to their own conclusion on that, but I think we're being double penetrated, I think with this stuff about, and it kind of goes back to what we were saying initially, but Democrats and Republicans disagreeing on who's actually fucking'em. Um, and you said it, and it's kind of where I am on this. It's both. It's corporations and the government, but let me expound on that a little bit. I think ultimately, mostly it's corporations and the rich, but I think it's the government policies or lack thereof that are allowing them to fuck us so much. It's like, The government's, the pimp, or, right. This is better. This is better. The government is providing the lube and the corporations are applying it freely and going to town. Yeah.

Chris:

Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's for damn sure.

Jeff:

I don't know if this is pulling back the curtain or not, but to let our listeners know the title of our. Podcast we got from the family man because when Nicholas Cage, uh, what's his, Jack is the character when he goes back to or goes to this parallel universe where he is not loaded with money and he is just this middle class, you know, guy just trying to eke out a living. Barely hanging on. Barely hanging on. And he looks in the closet for the first time and sees the wardrobe and he says, Ugh. This is just Subpar. Such a great line,

Chris:

and we've talked about that so many times and knew that had to get factored in here.

Jeff:

Kenny G I think, I don't even know how this is possible, we need to look this up. He holds the world record for note held the longest with any instrument and it's like 45 minutes. No. Yeah. Minutes. Yeah. Yes. I don't know how that's possible. I know you're giving me a weird look, but we'll look it up and if I'm wrong, then I'm just gonna edit this right out. It never happened. Airbrush it right out. Yep. Yeah, yeah. I remember hearing that. I'm like, how do you hold a note for 45 minutes? That's crazy.

Chris:

Yeah, I don't know. I tell you what, he is sure. A good saxophone player I haven't heard much about or from him in a long time. I don't know if that's just not exposed to him, but he was

Jeff:

sure good. I find the saxophone mostly annoying. I would not generally

Chris:

listen to a saxophone, but you know, since his music was getting played on, Like mainstream radio stations, so you're exposed to it. I just happen to like his music and I can at least say he was really good at it. But yeah, I would prefer, you know what I really like is a piano. I

Jeff:

love, yeah, piano. The piano music. Yeah. Seems like so many times people play the saxophone. It's just loud and shrill. It was like, That's true. You know what's really bad is bagpipes. Oh, that's the worst. That is terrible. I don't know how anybody can listen to that. I think it sounds good. It reminds me of the friends episode. Do you remember that when Ross is playing the bagpipes? I don't remember why he was doing it. Somebody wanted it at their wedding or I don't know what it was, but he's playing it. At the end and Phoebe starts trying to match the notes with it. Yes. That's funny. But if you look at the bloopers of it, it's even funnier cuz they can't keep it together. It's just Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Great. That's hilarious. All right. See how our brain works? People, we started out with a murder and all of a sudden we're talking about saxophones.

Chris:

Holy shit. There it is. In 1997. A Guinness World Record was set for longest held musical note. Kenny G used circular breathing. I don't even know what that is. To sustain an E-flat on a saxophone for 45 minutes and 47 seconds.

Jeff:

Oh my God. That's crazy. It is. Wow. That's insane. Yeah, it is. He couldn't make it an hour though. What a loser. Okay. So, uh, who's from Hawaii? Not a whole lot of people. Uh, Barack Obama. Mm-hmm. That's an obvious one. Uh, Bruno Mars. That's from Hawaii. Kelly Preston. Oh yeah. Was from Hawaii. Yeah. Haven't seen her in anything in a while. She died. Kelly Preston die. Yeah. Well that would explain it. Yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah. How'd she die? Um, cancer. I. Oh my God. I can't, I totally forgot about that. Yeah, and,

Chris:

and the really, I mean, this is a, okay, I don't know what to do about this.

Jeff:

It's not, I just felt like cheer about Newman.

Chris:

Right.

Jeff:

This is no surprise. Tell me if you're surprised on this, but. Mississippi is at the bottom of the list. To be happy in Mississippi, you have to be pulling in$87,465. Are you surprised that, again, I'm surprised at these dollar figures, but are you surprised that Mississippi is at the bottom? I'm very

Chris:

surprised at the dollar amount. I'm not so surprised that Mississippi's at the bottom. I'm surprised that there

Jeff:

are happy people in Mississippi. Gary, Indiana is a shit hole. Just yes it is. I remember driving through there on the way to Chicago and holy hell, like I can't imagine living there. That's where the Jacksons are from. Yeah, that's

Chris:

what I was about to say. That's where the Jackson's are from. And not that it's okay, but it's probably no wonder that their dad beat the shit out of him.

Jeff:

It's gotta take out his frustration of living in Gary on somebody. Exactly. The kids are the logical choice. All right, there is the best@subpartalks episodes one through 50, part one. We will be back with part two next week. If you like this kind of stuff, then you are our kind of people. This is your type of podcast and you should absolutely, positively. Follow us on whatever platform you listen to podcasts on, because that way you're gonna get new episodes when they drop every single Tuesday. And while you are there, go ahead and rate us if you could. We would be really happy if you'd give us five stars and while you're there, go ahead and type something. It doesn't matter what you type, you could type anything. But the way these apps work is that if you type something, it makes it easier for people to discover the show. We have a website that is Subpar Talks dot com. There you can email us, you can leave us a voicemail. If you wanna make suggestions for topics we should cover on future episodes, you can go ahead and do that as well. We always take those into consideration. We are on social media on Twitter. We are at Subpar Talks on Facebook. We are Subpar Talks. If you wanna follow our personal Twitter accounts, you can do that as well on there. I am at@independentjeff.

Chris:

And I am at Chris Bradford, tx,

Jeff:

and we have other social media links on our website. You can check those out. And last, but never, ever least share Subpar Talks on social media. Hello. Talk to your friends, family, colleagues about it because the more people we have listening to this show, the easier it is for us to get this content to you every single week. And that is an episode wrap for the best@subpartalks, part one, and we will be back with part two next week. Until then, so long.

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