How to Step into Your Feminine Radiance and why it’s important

Transcript

 Hello, and welcome to the in and no podcast with Janelle bridge, where we talk about everything spiritual development. Let's go.

Hello, my loves and welcome back to my podcast. Now. I am recording this on my phone because My computer is probably in an effort to tell me to slow down which I really have i'm pleased to let you know will not Cannot won't connect to the internet Or a hotspot, nothing. So I've been using Dan's, but he's actually working at the moment.

How rude. I am recording on my phone and I just want to be here and speak to you because I miss you. And I feel like the importance of this topic is massive. So what I want to lean into today is. A Woman's Radiance. Now, I've been listening to the most incredible audiobook. It is called, wait for it, don't get triggered, it is called Pussy, a Reclamation.

And I must admit, I've been recommended this book many times and I've seen it and I haven't purchased it because I was like, ugh, that word. That word. Now, essentially, this book is a lot about that word, and reclaiming that word, and the power that is in that word, and how in Western society we have turned that word into an insult.

Anyway, this book has brought up so much for me, and I've been reading it over the last 14 days, and the shifts that have taken place in my life have been incredible. It's just a deepening of a lot of work that I already know and a new perspective on a lot of things that have really challenged my inner core belief system in the most beautiful, powerful way.

So first of all, please go and read that book. You can download it on audible. If you have audible, it is incredible. I highly recommend that every single woman should read this book. It's amazing. Now in this book, Beautiful author Mama Gina talks about our radiance and how our radiance as a woman is the sun that warms everyone she loves.

So when the sun is taken away, when the sun is dulled down, we all feel like shit. When the sun comes out, we feel amazing. Now, I'm trying to just like really condense this into a podcastable digestible episode, but there's so much juice in it, which is why I'm like please listen to the audiobook.

If not It's not only just to trigger yourself and challenge yourself to do it. So essentially we, our role is to be radiant. And what does radiant mean for me? Radiant means to be living in joy, to be living in positivity, to be feeling ourself up like the sun so that we can warm the hearts of our families, of our homes, of our communities, and so on and so forth.

And we, it's the biggest thing that we neglect, right? When our radiance is dialed down, when we are not choosing ourself, when we are stepping into martyrdom. So to me, martyrdom is, it's something that a lot of women step into. It's something that our society really honors and rewards, as if it's a really great thing.

Oh she's so selfless, or she's so generous, or she's she do, Anything for anyone. And she puts everyone ahead of herself and they are all top tier compliments. I used to always take them as top tier. I love generous. I think that's a really beautiful way to live, but. Self sacrificing and people fleece, pleasing, and we'll do anything for anyone.

No, like not everyone deserves access to my energy. Not everyone deserves access to your energy. There's certain things that. We need, we can serve more if we say me first. Now, the me first movement, when I post about me first, I get people jump, jump jump shit, right? And that's okay.

That's okay because it is a triggering initiative. And me, five years ago, would have read a me first post and be like, what a fucking bitch. Get over yourself. Put your family first. Oh my God, you're so selfish. I really would have had those reactions and that's okay. That's okay. Everyone's at different places in their journeys.

But for me, and especially through the deepening in the study of this book is putting ourself first and feeling about our own cup. And these are things that I really know and I always teach and I embody, but this is embodying on a different deeper level is the more that we feel our own cup, the more that we give from overflow.

Now I'm going to also say it's not possible to always be in fucking overflow. It's really like life is fucking hard, right? My husband is leaning into some coaching and some relationship advice. He's actually starting to talk in an Instagram and you guys would have heard the last podcast with him.

He's amazing at it. And one of the things that he said was like, Oh, I just can't listen to relationship advice from people that don't have children. And I was like, Oh, I feel you. I feel you right now on this. Now that's not to say that their relationship advice is invalid because it's absolutely not. But it isn't It hasn't been well lived for people who have children.

So I always think if you want to be coached and you have kids find a coach who has kids. Because if they don't have kids, then they don't fucking understand the shit show. And they're absolutely emotional. Incredible rollercoaster that you ride in having children, we can surmise it, but if we haven't lived it, then we don't know.

Anyway, I'm totally getting off topic here because that's what I do. That's my wild fam. But I was like, Oh my God, babe, I know, because there's just no spaciousness. If you're wanting to add spice to your life and you're a couple and you both work full time, it's you can have sex in the lounge room.

You can fricking deck out your home as a bloody chamber. You can have candles on every space. You can carve out time so easily for one another. It's, so much easier to really carve that time into each other. But when you have kids and fuck me, like I'm waiting for my husband to get my child to sleep.

And it was 1130 last night by the time he came to bed and I'm exhausted. I was up at five 30 and you've got to try and pull some energy from the bottom of your soul because it's really important to connect in that way. Whereas if that was eight o'clock at night, it'd be a whole different ballgame.

Anyway, I'm digressing again, but. Spaciousness, sometimes our life is so fucking jam packed and there's nothing that we can do. For instance, if you're having, your kids are sick or if you're really going through things financially, it's going to be a lot harder to live in your radiance.

And I will never ever, as a person that you speak to on Instagram, as a person that you follow, as someone who may coach you, as somebody that you listen to on a podcast, I will never ever, Minimize your circumstances, ever. I promise you this. I've had my circumstances minimized by coaches before and it feels horrendous.

And I vow to you that I'll never do that. But what I will do is I will offer you a hand to step out of those circumstances. And if I see you ruminating in those circumstances, running around in them, rolling around and getting stuck there, then I'll call you out on it. Now, I have been stuck there in a financial rut for a little while this year, which has shifted, praise the goddesses, but I was stuck there.

I was stuck there, I was in scarcity, I was resentful, I was bitter. Now, I look back on 2023 in this moment, in this mindset, and I feel so grateful for everything that we've been through. It's been the stickiest year for my family, truly. When it comes to finances, when it comes to Seb's health, that was the biggest one and everything else quells, in, in priorities, nothing else matters, but taxing on the body, the soul, the wallet, all of it, right?

And financially sticky and then financial stickiness comes and of course resentment can build in relationship and stress and fear and it's just not a great place to be operating from. I guess the other thing that I want to bring up too, and I promise we are still on the topic of our own radiance, is how much are we pouring into others that we should be pouring into ourselves?

So I've spoken at length this year in many different podcasts about friendship breakdowns and things that have happened, like community I guess dissolution and things like that. It's just been a year of shifts and change. And it's only coming out the other side that I realize the gift of my energy being pulled back to me.

Because I'm the type of person that will pour and pour and pour into you, until we're both dry as fuck. Which is not helpful for anyone! We actually have that self responsibility when we're serving others to go, I'm getting depleted, I need to pull away, or I need to set a boundary, or I need to refill my own cup.

And so we look to the skies and I found myself doing this very recently. It's I'm such a good person. Why can't I catch a break? I'm such a good person. Why am I not receiving? And hilariously, I supported a student in a a deepening psychic reading. So she does psychic readings to gain.

She's incredible, but to try out different techniques and things like that. And so one of the things she said to me was like, Receive my babe like you're a warrior. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, fuck. Yeah, and she's but you're wanting more ease and I was like, She's like, how can you be both? It's I don't know And she said to me for the next two weeks Everything that is offered to you.

I want you to say yes to and I was like, oh, okay And she's if you're on a call and it goes over charge that client and I was like She said, if they offer, take it. And I was like, Oh, I was feeling so uncomfortable about a lot of it. And I've done a lot of work on receiving. Anyway, I have shifted.

Thankfully, I haven't had to charge a client for going over because I honor that's my boundary as well that I am the timekeeper of the session. But there has been instances I tried to buy my friend a coffee yesterday and she said, no, I'm buying yours. And I was like. Okay. Thank you. There's been things and it's really shifted my ability to receive just with that small challenge.

So I'm going to throw that challenge over to you anyway. Again, I'm getting off topic because it is a multi, like being a woman is so multifaceted and so multilayered and there are so many parts of us and so much conditioning that we need to undo as well, which is why I'm highly recommending you read that book.

Anyway, my babes, so radiance. Okay. Our radiance must be fed to survive. It's that simple. So our input to ourselves Must be equal to or greater than the output that we are giving to other people. Now if we look at a typical wife and mother and I'm speaking to this archetype because it is me right now.

Okay, so I'm not saying this to exclude someone who is not a mother. There's elements of this that you're going to take on board. But if I'm speaking to a version of myself, the many versions of myself that listen and check in here. So wife and a mother. If we're looking at how much is going into them versus how much they are giving out.

The scale doesn't even exist. It's not that the scales are not balanced. The scale is fucking broken. It's broken. It's in the bin. It's probably been thrown in frustration. It doesn't work. The math ain't nothing now to say, okay, all that time that you put into your kids, you're going to put into yourself is going to feel ridiculous right now.

And it's going to feel so impossible. So where do we start? Where do we start? We start. By recognizing that being a martyr, so being the mum and the wife who does everything, and doesn't accept help, and doesn't ask for help, and doesn't prioritize her own joy, we understand that breeds resentment. It breeds bitterness and resentment.

And that ain't a woman that we want to live with, right? So we try in our efforts to be the best mum and the best wife in the world, we become the Awful to live with and this is not a judgment on you. This is a judgment on myself. This is a reflection. This is a reflection of women that I've witnessed across the years and this is a reflection on myself and I still get sucked into that energy at times.

I feel my face hardened. I feel my frustration and I'm doing the fucking dishes again and I think fuck you all and there are so many other ways in which I can choose to handle that situation. Anyway, again, there's so many topics in this. If this is like hitting, let's do a coaching session. Cause we could jam all day about this, but it's that element of hang on a moment.

I get to choose to be into my radiance. And how do we find radiance again? Like I was talking about sensuality. We need more spaciousness. So where can you carve out spaciousness? And as I was talking to Dan, as I mentioned earlier around, a childless couple versus a couple who are in the throes of parenting, spaciousness exists more deeply for different people.

So witnessing that spaciousness means different things to different people and the ability to carve out spaciousness will be different. Across a variety of women. I remember when I started being coached back in 2020 as a client, and my beautiful coach said to me, carve out some time for you and Dan.

You need to be having these conversations. And I was like, we literally can't. And my beautiful coach doesn't have kids, so I did go to a resistant mindset of she doesn't understand. But at that time in our life we literally, we couldn't. We really struggled. Like we had a child in our bed every time we hit, and this is a nine year old, not a baby.

Every time we went to have a conversation, he would wake up. Every time we walked out of the room, he would be like, what's going on? There was no space for us to carve out any time for ourselves. And so carving out time might have turned into watch a show, me and dad are gonna go sit in the car and talk for a moment.

Watch a show, we're gonna go do this. So spaciousness might be an hour for me, it might be three hours for me. It might be this season of your life, three minutes. And that's okay. Any type of spaciousness is going to help. Now the other way that we create, so one of the ways that we create spaciousness is to take it.

Is to go fuck you all, I need some time for myself. And to allow yourself to receive, right? So sometimes we have another partner at home and we can be like, Babes, I am losing it. And this is the thing, we want to do it. I'm even dulling it down. We want to do it before we get to the point of, I'm losing it.

Hey babes, I'd really like to do this today. I'm gonna go do this, I'll be back in a couple of hours. How many of you would feel comfortable saying that? I certainly never used to. But I recognize that by being a woman who is happy, I come home, I am a, I'm the energy keeper of my home. That is the role of the feminine.

We keep the energy whether we want to or not. So much easier to blame it for someone else. And so it's okay, as part of my role as the energy keeper of this house, my energy needs to be good. So what do I need to do to make sure that my energy is good? What do I need to give myself? What do I need to ask for?

What do I need to be willing to receive? Creating spaciousness. How do we do it? We can carve it, we can ask for it. And if that's not working, we can cut away some of the responsibilities that we don't need to hold right now. So many of the things that you say you have to do, myself included, we don't actually fucking have to do.

Right? There's dishes in my sink right now. Me, four years ago, would be like record a podcast after you've done the dishes. You can't have dishes in your sink. Says fucking who? Me. So if I'm setting these rules, how about I change these rules so they're not so stupid? So again, it's just that constant witnessing of like, why am I doing this?

Does this need to be done right now? Where did this conditioning come from? And I guess something else that I witnessed within myself, and I will share because sharing is how we grow, right? And there's relatability in it. And I still do this a little bit now because I love an early morning, but I would witness myself getting up way earlier than my family so I could go and have my time to myself without them missing out on anything.

Now someone always misses out on something. No matter what, right? So they're missing, I'm missing out on sleep and then again, I'm a bit grumpier, so I might have time at less time at later at night, which might mean that my husband is going to miss out on some time with me. If I go, if I sleep in and I go later, then my kids are going to miss out on some time.

So there's no way, like those, remember those reels where they would cut the block of chocolate in a certain way and it looked like the block of chocolate was never getting smaller. As women, we try and origami our pleasure time, our downtime into pockets that won't be missed. And I'm here to say that someone will always miss out.

No matter what you choose. So if you choose to just literally serve your husband and kids like a servant, you will miss out. And therefore they will miss out because you won't be showing up as your fullest self. So there's always someone who's going to miss out in any situation. So it's about prioritizing what's most important.

Again, I do want to come back to, and this is not to be permissive, but this is to be Respectful, and never minimize the situations that some of you are going through. There will be times where this just feels really fucking impossible. And that's okay, but honoring this is a season of your life. It's not your forever, okay?

The other thing we can do is get stuck in those seasons. So that season of our life that was really hard, life might change, life get more, life will get more easeful, and we get stuck in. The feeling of fly to fly, survival mode. No, I can't do that, I can't do that, I can't do that. And it's actually you can.

So where can we test and expand those limits of receiving pleasure and taking time for ourself? So we have spaciousness, we have carving out time, we have getting rid of dead energy, right? I remember I used to mop and sweep my floor every single night and I had a huge house at the time. Now I don't and I probably should and I love a clean floor, but like it's giving me more time and space, right?

It's giving me more time and space again. It's not about oh, I am the goddess of cleanliness versus Queen Slob That doesn't have to be your two choices. You can just relax for one day Anyway, so what I'm saying is someone will always miss out something will always move down the priority line and you get to rejig What's important to you at any given time?

How can we come back to our radiance when we're feeling really fucking bitter and resentful? Now this is a question that comes up a lot, like what's the first step? And for me, the first step that I'm going to tell you to ruminate on is, what do I want? Now something I brought in at the very start of this kind of, selfish journey I'm going to call it, is what am I missing here?

What am I missing? What am I missing? And so for me, it was like, okay, why am I shitty? Everything's good between me and Dan, kid's great, house is messy, everyone's fucking me off. What am I missing? And then I'd look back over my last few days and be like, Alone time. I haven't had any alone time. Or, when the house gets to a certain point, it does my head in.

Or, when my husband's not listening, it does my head in. And that's okay. So what was missing in the lead up to this point, to get us to this point? Was it, we didn't have any spaciousness. Oh yeah, we haven't actually had a fucking proper conversation in a week cause the kids have been chaotic.

Okay. So it's not really worth fighting about, is it? It's about carving out some spaciousness. Maybe for us, maybe for me, but what I'm trying to get to, and this is maybe a long window, geez, I've been talking for 20 minutes, babes. Guess what? My kids are watching Netflix. They're thriving. The more that we can feel our own comp.

The more that those around us will thrive, and I fucking promise you this. Now, I understand there's been times in my life as well when I have felt it impossible to fill my own cup. When my husband was going through some mental health issues, I felt like I couldn't. And I felt like the more I stepped into my radiance, the more that he paled in comparison.

And our happiness can trigger people who are unhappy as well. But we owe it to ourselves to continue. To continue to be putting in that fuel and that wood to keep our fire burning, to keep that sun glowing for the people that we love around us. Okay, now it's not, unfortunately, it's not a journey where we can just be like, shout some light language at you and beat a drum and there you go, you're going to be choosing yourself.

It's a choice. It's a small choice every single day that you make to put yourself first. And sometimes by default we don't even notice. That we're shitty and that we are running around until we're like, I do that. I'll be like, oh, I've gotta get myself some food. And s will be like, can you get me a drink of water?

I can. I'm like, I'm trying to get myself food. Hang on. What am I missing here? ? What am I missing? What do I go to from here? How do I step into my radiance? First step by that book, let me know what you think. I'd love to chat to you about this deeper. Have a beautiful day. My loves.