Ever had a date with a flat earther? Yep, we’ve been there too, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg in this wild episode of the Joosi Sex Podcast. We kick things off with that bizarre dating story, which perfectly segues into an enlightening discussion about the "ho phase"—a time in life where being less picky about partners and exploring your sexuality without societal strings attached is not just okay, but damn liberating. We reflect on our own journeys through sexual liberation, touching on the perplexing resistance to condom use in today's dating scene, and stress the crucial role of sexual autonomy and safety.
Communication and consent are the bedrock of satisfying sexual experiences, and we’ve got tales to tell! From navigating the uncharted waters of threesomes to the liberating act of ending unsatisfying sex mid-stroke, we underscore the importance of asserting control over your sexual encounters. We highlight the necessity of clear communication and consent, even in the heat of the moment, to ensure everyone’s comfort and pleasure. Our stories reinforce that no one owes their partner anything beyond their comfort, and it’s perfectly okay to call the shots when things aren’t hitting the right notes.
And for those who like a dash of adventure, we delve into the thrill of public sex, recounting escapades from gondolas to porta potties that add a spicy twist to any relationship. We also explore how a "ho phase" can impact friendships and personal growth, acknowledging the emotional toll and the liberation that comes with embracing your desires. Whether it’s a short-lived phase or a long-term choice, this episode is all about celebrating your sexual freedom, living without shame, and recognizing that your journey is uniquely yours. Join us for a candid, empowering conversation that might just change the way you think about your own sexual adventures!
Ever had a date with a flat earther? Yep, we’ve been there too, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg in this wild episode of the Joosi Sex Podcast. We kick things off with that bizarre dating story, which perfectly segues into an enlightening discussion about the "ho phase"—a time in life where being less picky about partners and exploring your sexuality without societal strings attached is not just okay, but damn liberating. We reflect on our own journeys through sexual liberation, touching on the perplexing resistance to condom use in today's dating scene, and stress the crucial role of sexual autonomy and safety.
Communication and consent are the bedrock of satisfying sexual experiences, and we’ve got tales to tell! From navigating the uncharted waters of threesomes to the liberating act of ending unsatisfying sex mid-stroke, we underscore the importance of asserting control over your sexual encounters. We highlight the necessity of clear communication and consent, even in the heat of the moment, to ensure everyone’s comfort and pleasure. Our stories reinforce that no one owes their partner anything beyond their comfort, and it’s perfectly okay to call the shots when things aren’t hitting the right notes.
And for those who like a dash of adventure, we delve into the thrill of public sex, recounting escapades from gondolas to porta potties that add a spicy twist to any relationship. We also explore how a "ho phase" can impact friendships and personal growth, acknowledging the emotional toll and the liberation that comes with embracing your desires. Whether it’s a short-lived phase or a long-term choice, this episode is all about celebrating your sexual freedom, living without shame, and recognizing that your journey is uniquely yours. Join us for a candid, empowering conversation that might just change the way you think about your own sexual adventures!
This is something that my partner and I talked about. That was a big aha moment for him and kind of changed him was there was a guy who I had been on a few dates with, who turned out to be a flat earther oh God, yeah. And I was like, wow, that's a revelation. And I was just sitting there at this really fancy taco place being like what do I do? Did he just say that? And so I asked a few questions to figure out if it was true. And it seemed like that's where things were going. And he was like and then you kicked him to the curb, right, my partner and I was like, no, I definitely fucked him that night. And he was like what? No, I definitely fucked him that night. And he was like what, you would fuck somebody like that? And I'm like, yeah, how?
Jenn:many like how many flat earthers are you intelligent?
Alisa Eddy:or or low quality humans have you fucked because they were attractive? No, right, and as a man, no one is like is like oh, you should have had your principles. Where did your value system? Go what happened to you. How could you do that? Could you open your legs for that flat earther? I mean, he definitely ruled himself out of any future dates.
Jenn:That's so funny though that you fucked a flat earther. I would have been interested in seeing what he would say in bed. I know right. Oh, look the horizon. Does it look curved now For your pleasure or mine?
Alisa Eddy:I guess, yeah, for a flat earther, he did like curves. I can say that much. Welcome to the Juicy Sex Podcast, where my friends and I have raw, unfiltered and hilarious conversations about all things sex. I'm Alisa Eddy, the founder and CEO of Juicy Sexual Wellness, where we try the toys and help you find the right one for you. Now on to the podcast. Hello audience, it's time to talk about something really, really important, which is your ho phase, and it doesn't necessarily even need to end at all, but it is something that is a really important part of your life and we're going to talk about it. Pretty much every woman I've ever been close to has a ho phase, but it's very careful when they talk about it. Yeah, do you concur?
Jenn:I think in certain crowds people are careful when they talk about it In certain crowds. Yeah, fair In ours it's a little different, but most people yeah.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah. One question is what do we mean by a ho phase? I can tell you what I mean. This is a phase and often there are multiple of them in your life where you are less picky about partners, you have more partners. More often you try new things sexually. Often you try new things sexually and I personally look back on these phases very proudly and fondly, and always in my life when my sexuality was mine yeah, and it didn't really like have anything to do with anybody else.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah so that's what I would define a ho phase. How would you define a ho phase?
Jenn:Throwing shit at the wall and see what sticks. You know.
Alisa Eddy:Sounds like how a chimpanzee might define a ho phase.
Jenn:I don't know Sounds like how a chimpanzee might define a hoe phase. I don't know Like I think I've had intermittent hoe phases, Just depends on how I'm feeling at the time. But I remember distinctly one of my first very elongated hoe phases was when I broke up with this guy in my 20s and I felt like I wasn't trapped anymore and I was like I'm gonna fuck everybody. You know.
Alisa Eddy:I'm not really. I think that's an interesting thing that was surprising to me about, like my later hoe phase as an adult. So I mean, I was an adult for most of my sex life, don't worry everybody. But one thing that surprised me as a person who came of age in the 90s, when I met my long-term partner, who I ended up marrying and being with forever. Whatever.
Alisa Eddy:We're not together anymore, thank God, but anyhow, it started when I was like 19 years old, I think, and before that, when I would hook up with people, condoms were an obvious no brainer. No one was like, oh, why would we use a condom? It was just like, of course, let's get a condom. Yeah, because I think in the 90s we had the big HIV scare, yeah, and those of us who got to go to those assemblies and all of that were like and those of us who got to go to those assemblies and all of that were like, yep, I'm going to be safe. And then when I was 35, I became single again in the I don't know mid, like 2016. And I was really shocked how many men would pretend that they were surprised when you asked for a condom yeah, yeah, it's like no, wrap that shit up.
Jenn:Wrap that shit up, I don't want your aids.
Alisa Eddy:I don't, I don't want any of whatever. I don't want your head.
Alisa Eddy:I don't want I don't want, I don't know, you like that, put a barrier on it, put a fucking barrier on it, but it would like it blew my mind. So the first time um, it wasn't the first time I slept with somebody outside of my marriage, but it was like early in that phase where I was on a date with a guy and we went back to his place and we were having a really good time and I did let him put me in restraints they were velcro so, and it was like I could reach them myself. It was like so, it's like all right, I'm fine, it's good. Um, and then we were fucking around and I was like okay, I think it's time to have sex. So I was like okay, do you have a condom?
Alisa Eddy:And he was like condom. And I was like yes, and he was like well, what kind of a slut are you? Why do you need a condom? And I was like I started laughing so hard, like cry, like cry, laughing. I was like are you fucking serious right now? And he's like, yeah, like what, what kind of a slut would need a condom? I'm like, oh my god.
Alisa Eddy:I was like this is a good one and I'm like oh my God, I was like this is fucking hilarious, a good one, and I'm like pull the fucking Velcro off. Like yeah, no, no, no, no, there will not be any sex happening without condoms. Nice try, you just ripped it off, fucking person. What the fuck was that? Yeah, so that was one of the big surprises of my later ho phase. I would say, was this like resurgence in men trying to get out of using condoms? Yeah, what is that? What is that?
Jenn:They're like oh, I just don't feel it as much. Is your dick numb, I don't care.
Alisa Eddy:Then don't try for it. Yeah, you know what? If it's not that great for you, then just like, don't try to fuck people.
Jenn:Yeah.
Alisa Eddy:There, it's not that great for you. Then just like, don't try to fuck people. Yeah, there's probably dolls for you. Yeah, that was like I don't know in terms of condoms in my later singledom. That was just like what the fuck is going on here? No way Shocker, yeah.
Alisa Eddy:So I think the idea in the ho phase for me actually, this is something that my partner and I talked about that was a big aha moment for him and kind of changed him, was there was a guy who I had been on a few dates with, who turned out to be a flat earther oh God, yeah, and I was. I was like, wow, that's a revelation. And I was just sitting there at this really fancy taco place being like, um, what do I do? Did he just say that? So I asked a few like questions to figure out if it was true. And it seemed like that's where things were going. And he was like and then you kicked him to the curb, right. My partner and I was like, uh, no, I definitely fucked him that night and he was like, what you would fuck somebody like that?
Alisa Eddy:And I'm like, yeah, how many like unintelligent or low quality humans have you fucked because they were attractive, seriously Right and as a man, no one is like, oh, you should have had your principles. Where did your value system?
Jenn:go.
Alisa Eddy:Where? What happened to you? How could you do?
Jenn:that.
Alisa Eddy:How could you open your legs for that flat earther? I mean, he definitely ruled himself out of any future dates.
Jenn:That's so funny though that you fucked a flat earther. I would have been interested in seeing what he would say in bed. I know right. Oh, look the horizon. Does it look curved now For your pleasure or mine?
Alisa Eddy:I guess, yeah, for a flat earther he did like curves, I can say that. But yeah, I think that was a. I know that was a big moment for my partner because he was like, wait, what he's like. Wait, women do that too. Yeah, I was like, oh yeah, we fuck people that we think are stupid or annoying just because they're hot and at the moment it makes sense. And they might not even be hot, might just be like we want to have sex, just like men are, but just morbidly curious. Yeah. But sometimes, like women, we get held to this higher standard, like there's supposed to be some meaning about us as the fucky If, if the like, moral, intellectual qualities of the fucker are not high enough that that we're supposed to reject them. And I call bullshit.
Jenn:Yeah, I mean I have a story similar to that, not not a flat earther, but of like just really not that bright guys. After this fraternity party in college I was like flirting with these baseball they played baseball at Berkeley Maybe I shouldn't have said my college name, but I was just like they're, they're hot, and I was just wanted to bang them both and I had never had a threesome before, so I was kind of a noob at it and they were both trying to get at me and I finally was like, well, if you want me, and Right, and I was like let's have sex. And I mean I didn't know what I was doing, necessarily, but I mean I, I know how to move my limbs around, I guess more gracefully, I used to be a ballet dancer. I'm a little bit more coordinated and I thought maybe they would be coordinated because they're, they have bought, they play with balls. They should be coordinated with their balls one might think and be wrong, but it was such an awkward experience.
Jenn:they were so awkward to each other and like they, they were just trying to not touch and then, like they were doing kind of boring maneuvers, where he was just in the back and I was like sucking the other guy's dick, but it was just like they weren't moving in a rhythm that was like conducive to any pleasure.
Alisa Eddy:Oh, like they weren't syncing up at all. So you're like on three-quarter time with one of them and on like two-four with the other.
Jenn:We're in the ninth inning here and you're not winning, motherfucker. And I in the middle of the threesome, like a referee or something, I was like, all right, we're done, you're out, we're not, get out, you're out, get out, we're done. I was like I tried. They were really hot. You know you never. You never know what you're going to get. Sometimes the sex might be really good, sometimes it might not be good, but that wasn't really. My goal was to have a conversation with them, you know, like to really hang out afterwards? No, purely just for pleasure. Yeah. So women absolutely do that too, and men should know.
Alisa Eddy:I'm really proud of your negotiation skills. Like there doesn't have to be one winner here, we can create value for all parties.
Jenn:I didn't even realize that was what I was doing in the moment. I was like, yeah, that's awesome.
Alisa Eddy:That is awesome, we're a team. Yeah, I feel like I had an experience during my I guess it was during my divorce, but whatever like during divorce ho phase with a guy who the first time that he came over we met on bumble, I think, and the first time that he came over we had pretty good sex. It was really fun, we had a good time and then, um, I don't know, maybe a few weeks, month or so later, he wanted to come over again. So it's like okay, this is, this is going to be pretty good. And he was drunk.
Alisa Eddy:He was drunk.
Jenn:And I was sober.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah and well. Yeah, but he had no rhythm, oh yeah.
Alisa Eddy:And he was just like, yeah, no-transcript, we're fucking done. And so I had started my little countdown and then, as I'm like 93, 94, I was like wait, hold the fucking front door. I don't know this dude, I don't owe him shit, I don't owe him a single stroke inside of my vagina. That is not feeling good to me. And I was like wait, he's like what. I was like I'm going to call it absolutely. I'm not having good sex. Are you having good sex? Damn good, Good for you. And he was like well, I don't know, I mean, are you giving me a chance to like? You know, like?
Jenn:get with it, and.
Alisa Eddy:I was like actually, no, I'm like really turned off now and I don't want to have sex with you anymore and I'm just going to call it. And he was like blown away. He's like really, I'm like really okay, all right, okay.
Alisa Eddy:and I was like his place, or yours, my place. So I was like you are clearly too drunk to be transportating yourself, so you can go lay down and relax. You don't have to get out of the house, but there will not be any more sex. Good for you, yeah, but it was like such a corrective experience. It was so liberating, yeah, to be like I don't just be like no to be like.
Alisa Eddy:No, I don't owe you shit. I don't owe you any extra strokes. I don't owe you any extra tries. I don't owe you any extra time. If I'm not enjoying this, I don't have to sit here and count down from 99 to get to the point where I can allow myself to quit. I can actually just be like and seen.
Jenn:I mean, if you think about it, guys, for eons have been like calling you a cab the next morning, right, I've never personally had that happen, but it happens to women like oh yeah, we're done, get out of my house now, yeah, Like so fuck that. If we need to truncate the sex in the middle to be like it's not great, Thanks, I'll call you an Uber. Yeah, we do that. We can do that too. You can do that, ladies you can do that.
Alisa Eddy:I empower you to do that. I think it is.
Jenn:It saves everybody you can be a hoe at standards.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, you can be like it's not so much about having to be picky about who or when, but being picky about whether or not you enjoy it, I think is a good thing to be picky about.
Jenn:Yeah, 100%.
Alisa Eddy:Right. It was like I went, I talked to my therapist about it. Like two days later I went in and I was like I had a great experience with this random dude. She's like okay, a great experience with this random dude. She's like okay. And I told her she's like that is about the best corrective experience that I could possibly create for a woman to have Therapist approved yeah.
Alisa Eddy:She was like stamp of approval Excellent. So I really encourage you to remember next time that you're having sex with somebody and you're not enjoying it, that you don't have to try a different position, do something different, move this or that. You can also just be like I'm done, I'm over it, and you have your right to do that, literally mid-stroke.
Jenn:Never forget it we need stickers now we do mid-stroke?
Alisa Eddy:I quit mid-stroke. Yeah, that was a really good experience for me to have. So let me tell you a story. I was really excited to buy a new clit-sucking toy. So I went to the world's largest online sex toy retailer and I found hundreds of options with no indication which ones are quality and which ones are right for me. So I had to make my best guess. I ordered the toy, got it in the mail, super excited to try it, and, bummer, it's way too strong, even on the lowest setting, turns out I can't even use it and I wasted 80 bucks. So I throw it in my nightstand and a couple months later I look to discover that it has actually melted into another sex toy in my nightstand. I was so mad I decided to start my own sex toy company, juicy. At Juicy, we sell a highly curated selection of body safe sex toys and we test them so that we can give you all the deets about whether or not it's right for you, such as how strong or gentle it is, how loud is it and how easy is it to operate. How loud is it and how easy is it to operate? So support this podcast and buy your next sex toy at getjuicycom. That's G-E-T-J-O-O-S-I dot com.
Alisa Eddy:I feel like ho phases are super valuable as just a person who engages the world sexually. During these phases, you have the chance to rapidly learn new behaviors that you want to form. Right so, true, right. So, if you're like OK, I really need to get better at asking partners what their STD status is before we have sex, right so, true, kind of like, okay, what is my, what's my way of starting a sexual interaction with somebody? What are the things that I think need to be said and that need to be discussed, and instead of it happening so infrequently that each time that there's a new partner in your life, you're like oh, Back to the drawing board.
Jenn:Yeah.
Alisa Eddy:What are the things that we're supposed to say or ask or whatever? Getting practice with that so you can develop actual habits around it? I think is really valuable.
Jenn:I mean that's, I've learned a lot in my whole phases, I mean, unless you you have to have different kinds of sex play with different kinds of toys, different guys with different personalities or women, whatever you want. You know, like figure out like what your vibe is, like what you want to have during that moment, um, and I, I mean I've learned a lot from trying threesomes, just doing like missionary stuff, doing crazy shit in public, yeah. So you're like what do I like where? Where do I fit? Yeah, where do they fit? Literally, where do they fit?
Alisa Eddy:Is this one a candidate for anal, yeah, or oral, yeah, I think so. Learning so this is an area where actually the poly and swinger community have developed really good sort of standard operating procedures, right, where, when they're engaging with a new person, it's like, first of all, what are your boundaries? Which sexual acts are you interested in doing today? Might be, I'm only interested in oral Okay, receiving or giving? Maybe just giving, okay, cool, we got it. So you've got to find out what people want to do.
Alisa Eddy:Then, std status when was the last time that you were tested? What are you positive for? What are you not? If you have some of the long-term things, are you being treated or not? When was your last outbreak? So on and so forth. And then I really like this co-creation possibility, which is that, in the ideal situation of I really want to go find a bar somewhere and find a sneak off, and find a place in public to go down on you and that sounds really hot to me, yeah, right which is being creative and thinking what do I really want here, instead of just like whatever happens.
Jenn:Right.
Alisa Eddy:Mm-hmm, like whatever happens right, and so I think that in this kind of in the poly and swinger community, they do a really good job of exploring all that stuff and learning how to get comfortable doing it, and I think that that's a great community to take a page from when you're going into a ho phase.
Jenn:Yeah, I mean definitely asking the right questions so that you don't end up in a bad situation as long as no one lies. Yeah, no lying, and I mean you got to have consent rules. Be you know, given and received properly, like if you change your mind in the middle of something that should be respected too.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, Absolutely. I was talking with someone who I have been sexual with in the past, who was asking about my rules, or like my rules with my partner as a couple. And they were asking you know why we have boundaries where we do? And I said I don't want anyone to feel entitled to my body ever. So just because you and I have slept together does not mean that you have the right to come and put your arm around me at a party.
Jenn:Yeah, like the other time, right yeah, Next time yeah absolutely To come and kiss me without asking yeah. Just touch me without asking oh, we've already hooked up, so it's okay now. Yes, the gate is open forever.
Alisa Eddy:No, it's not like that and it should be a case-by-case, event-by-event negotiation between two people, and if you can employ that, it can allow you to feel much safer experimenting with different people in different places, because you're making really clear expectations that it doesn't mean just because we were at a party and you and I made out doesn't mean that you get to just kiss me without asking me at the next party, right? And I think I think, especially for women, one of the types of calculus we do when we consider whether or not we're going to take on another partner is will they feel entitled to my body?
Jenn:Yeah, and that's where kind of the fear comes in too. And I was going to say on your previous point, when within the swinger and like poly community, people are a little bit more comfortable talking about those things, like asking the right questions about the STDs and things like that. But for a lot of people they have a lot of shame around it and they're like embarrassed or afraid to say it. And honestly, the more you stand your ground and say it, the more respect you're going to earn from the other person and for yourself, and over time it'll become easier to just be like nope, I want to know these things, this is the experience I want to have, and you're going to find better sexual partners that way too. This is the experience I want to have, and you're going to find better sexual partners that way too.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, that is very true.
Jenn:Because the people usually that respect those things are better at sex. That's true Because they've probably had more experience.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, they have more experience, yeah.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, exactly know that in some places in the world there's this controversy about consent in terms of if a man asks a woman before he kisses her, does that ruin all the romance or the attraction? And I'm gonna shoot off some of my opinions about that. Let's go, um, here's what I will say. It shouldn't and I do mean to should all over people on this one. If I'm going to should my pants right now, you're shitting me, I'm shitting you. Um, so I'm going to use the stereotypical gender roles, um, for the sake of what is probably the most typical experience.
Alisa Eddy:But it could be anything but say that you are a woman and you are getting intimate, potentially with another male partner. You guys are getting close. It might be like that time that you're about to potentially kiss and they're like can I kiss you Now? There are some people who will be like oh, I just hate that, it just ruins the moment. And there are others who will say that's essential you cannot kiss me unless I have told you that it is okay, right, and everything in between. And I would say, for those of you who feel like it ruins the moment are you adult enough to say yes to the things that you want. Is the real issue that you're not comfortable saying yes, I want to be kissed, and so you say that it ruins the moment? Is it not more important that someone get your permission than that you not feel the discomfort of acknowledging your own sexual desire?
Jenn:Yeah, it's almost like consent with yourself too. Yeah, what do I consent with myself? What do I want to do?
Alisa Eddy:Yep, admitting to yourself yes, I do want to be kissed, and I think, the way that a lot of femmes are brought up in our culture, it can be hard to admit that, to say yeah, I do want to be kissed right now it feels dangerous to do, and yet I also think it's a little cowardly to say that it ruins the moment, when all that really ruined the moment was your inability to express your desire or lack thereof Right. Or lack thereof.
Jenn:Right, that's a really good point. Like it's not hard to say you know, yes, I want to be kissed, and then just have the experience. Yeah, Like don't put it on someone else to make the decision for you whether it's like to be kissed because you do want to be kissed, or then be kissed and you didn't want it. And now it's weird and awkward it is like it can be scary.
Alisa Eddy:I mean, I feel like when I watch the old movies where nobody asked and they were just like slowly lean closer and closer and be like their mouths are opening, and you're like, oh God, is it going to happen? Oh my God, I don't know, and I get like so weirded out.
Alisa Eddy:It's like usually such an awkward, like once they connect the faces, like it's always like a weird awkward, like some like they hit their teeth or yeah, and so I just think, imagine if you're like, oh no, it feels like the kiss moment's about to happen and you can be like hey, can I kiss you? Yeah, it just breaks down the barrier and then I have that awkward moment, yeah, and then that person can be like fuck yes, and then you can go like all the way in it instead of like was that okay?
Alisa Eddy:Like you know, it's so weird, yeah, it's weird. So to me it makes things a fuckload. Weirder to not ask and to not be given the opportunity to give permission than to be like are we going to do this, yeah, we're going to do this, and then you can go all the way into it.
Jenn:It's a good perspective. I think people need to hear.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, and I know it can be hard, especially for people raised as women who have been taught that their desires are not okay and that it's really all about what other people want. So it's all about you know them, getting what they want, and you're kind of the goalkeeper for others. Instead, maybe go out and be your own advocate and be like I'm looking at this dude, we're getting closer and I really want to kiss him, yeah. And I'm going to this dude, we're getting closer and I really want to kiss him, yeah, and I'm going to ask Right, and so kind of taking that power I think is good and the more frequent, it's sort of like scuba diving.
Alisa Eddy:So if you want to get good at scuba diving, you have to go like twice a day, every day, for a week or something. You have to get this frequency of experience doing it so that you develop habits, because if you're starting from scratch every single time and you don't have habits, you have to think about so much more with your brain, right? So my habit is asking. My habit is maybe, if they're getting close and they haven't asked me, I'm like whoa, would you like to kiss? Right, I can take control of that and I can ask do you have partners? Do you have? Are you monogamous? Are you not? Do you have consent to do what we're talking about doing from any potential partners? Do you have STDs? When were you last tested? All those things, getting in the habit of it. So it's the same thing as scuba diving, like checking your weight belt, checking your regulator, you know checking your mask and then you're not skipping really important shit when you're hooking up.
Jenn:I was just thinking under the sea for like cunt or cock.
Alisa Eddy:I'm not a sea, yeah, so I think that it's good for that in terms of habits. I think also, negotiating the experience you want in terms of, like, what sounds hot to you right now is sort of some next level shit in terms of hooking up with people who you aren't as familiar with, and I think that's the opportunity to take what could be bad sex. So here's the. I have a theory that one reason that a lot of women, especially those who are more in the monogamous community, don't have as many partners as maybe they could is because they don't want bad sex. Yeah, and most of the time, it's true, your first sex with someone is not usually great.
Jenn:If you find someone really good, you're kind of like it gets you get scared to lose that.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, it's hard to find good sex. It is hard to find good sex, especially the first time. Yeah, you gotta try out a bunch of them. Exactly, you gotta have a lot of auditions, yeah, yeah, but I think, because so often our first time with a new partner isn't great. Like it's, you can tell their skill level, you can identify certain things about them, but it's often not that you're going to have mind blowing orgasms the first time that you fuck somebody. And given that, that's where we can say, well, why, why is that? Well, because you have to learn each other. Do you have to learn each other? Or could you communicate to each other about yourselves? And, um, an example, I think I know I've read an article actually that, uh, sexual choking is becoming a big thing right now and that it's dangerous because a lot of the young people are just writing about it more, right a?
Alisa Eddy:lot of young people are doing it, but they haven't learned how to do it safely.
Alisa Eddy:Oh yeah, right, yeah, and they see it in a lot of porn and they're like, oh, I'm gonna do this thing, I'm gonna choke you. Well, I personally know a lot of women who who do like to be choked sexually, and a lot of them who will fucking karate, chop your balls off if you try to choke them sexually. And I think an hey, we're about to have our first sexual encounter. I actually really like to be called, I don't know, a slut, but I do not want you to choke me, right? So I don't care how many pornos you watched, where that was what they did. Please do not do that. That will not go well for us. And then the person knows oh, okay, cool.
Alisa Eddy:But now I'm going to call you a dirty little slut and it's like oh yeah, fuck yeah, I think that yeah, I, I kind of want to talk about public sex first.
Jenn:Oh yeah, let's talk about it, because I've had sex in some weird places. Oh, okay, I want to know. Okay, and I, I consider this kind of like part of the whole phase for me is just like whenever I decide that I'm feeling extra hoey at that point. But I want to hear some places from you, okay, but here's some of the weirdest places that just come up on top of my mind. Okay, we had this place in college, called it was like frat row basically and there was Channing Circle, which is like a famous street in Berkeley. Okay, and I was like we should have sex in Channing Circle, like right in front of this professor's house. Ooh, and I knew where this chemistry professor lived, lived, and I did not like him. So we did, we ended up and we were like fucking outside of the door.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah.
Jenn:And I was like fuck you, you know like fuck me and fuck you. And it ended up not being his house oh no, oh my God, oh my God what. And it ended up not being his house. Oh no, oh my god, oh my god what. Oh no, it was this really old lady and I was like, oh sorry, and I am like literally like buck naked, like just out on the street, oh my God. Like it was kind of later at night so there wasn't a lot of people around, so we were like whatever, but I was just, it was just like literally in public, and I was like I must have given her like a heart attack. So that was one weird place. Another place I think maybe I've said this before I was a porta potty at a festival, yeah, which is bold.
Jenn:Let's be clear it wasn't like a disgusting porta potty.
Alisa Eddy:It was a fancy one.
Jenn:Okay, it was a palatial. No, it was one of those bigger ones. I don't know if this really helps my case. I don't think this helps my case, but it was a bigger one that was like multiple urinals, it was just it was bigger and I was horny at this festival and like all the other lines were really long and like obviously the men's line was shorter and I just kind of like ran in there with my ex and I was just like I'm really fucking horny and we fucked in a porta potty and people were like banging on the door.
Jenn:I literally in the moment was like I cannot believe I'm fucking in a porta potty right now. I hope no one ever finds out. And then one other weird place was a gondola. Oh, that's hot. I think in I don't know, I think it was in heavenly and in south lake tahoe and people were calling it the gondola because they were like smoking each other out in the gondola. And then everyone got out and we just like went back around and like decided to bone in the gondola and I got such a bad. I got so contact high.
Alisa Eddy:Oh really.
Jenn:Like literally, like it was so hard to put our clothes back on. We were so high and like my like limbs were numb. I was like, is it still in? Because I don't really smoke weed, you know like it would fit me really hard In the gondola.
Alisa Eddy:That would get me too. I think I would be toast. Yeah, oh, my God. I think for public sex. I've had a decent amount of public sex and I'm not going to name like exact locations.
Jenn:So not just in front of people like lawyers and stuff. We've done that a few times, yeah, like public public, public public.
Alisa Eddy:So okay. So for my, I think it was One of my anniversaries with my partner, maybe like it would have been before COVID, so maybe like a four year anniversary we decided to go on a public sex pub crawl. Oh yeah, I love that. So we asked our friends where are places around town that you have had public sex successfully? So that we could hit up those spots and each place. Our challenge was to find a way to have sex in that place, and so we definitely fucked in a photo booth.
Jenn:Nice, yes, nice, a photo booth, which is actually trickier than you think. They're so small. They're so small. I'm impressed actually. Yeah, you're like when you get two people in there and take a picture, it's tough, like everyone's got an elbow in your face and someone's kneeing your back.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, and we actually got a picture while we were fucking Nice, nice, nice. But the thing is like the little curtain. I don't know if you now pay attention. This is probably why they do this, but the curtain only goes to like your waist.
Jenn:It does.
Alisa Eddy:I wasn't even thinking about that it does not go all the way down.
Alisa Eddy:Does not go all the way down, but I was wearing a really short dress, but he went all the way down yeah right, I was wearing a really short dress and no underwear and so I definitely fucked in a photo booth, fucked in a bathroom I'm saying all on this one night, um, at a bar and then we tried to have sex, like well, at the bar, like really tricky, didn't happen, didn't happen, but we got close. It was just like couldn't get the, get it into the right spot without being angle without the be able to reach behind.
Alisa Eddy:Too obvious at that point. Too obvious um dressing rooms of a number of different places we've had sex in. Um. I remember we were on a vacation in hawaii and we were shopping. And we're just innocently shopping as people do, right, I just happen to be wearing a really short dress without underwear, but we were truly innocently shopping. And then I had some things to try on and my partner had some things to try on and the lady at the store was like oh, do you guys want to go in together? And we just looked at each other and were like, like, is she egging you on?
Jenn:Yeah?
Alisa Eddy:We're like, you picked the wrong people. Yeah, sure, We'll do that, We'll work together. So that's happened a number of times and in these experiences we have been very mindful of not leaving fluids in places and not exposing people to that. So just to be clear, like you know, clean up after yourself.
Jenn:What were you using to clean up? Like, did you know, like that, just the clothes we tried on okay, because I was like you totally did that. No, I was like, because the pub crawl one, you were prepared, right. Yeah, we were prepared, but for this one it was like Well, so you didn't know. Yeah, when you do public sex, I mean, but you weren't wearing underwear, so yeah, so I mean theoretically, but what did?
Alisa Eddy:It could be something.
Jenn:What did you Like? I almost am like, should I Like if we, if we were kind of like going out for for nowhere, going to get horny, but sometimes you just don't know you don't know.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, like what you just use your clothes or yeah, you just use your clothes or napkins that are handy.
Jenn:You just walk around crusty now. You're like that was good.
Alisa Eddy:It's OK. But now you're like that was good, it's okay. But well, here's the thing you don't usually with rare exception, you don't usually fuck to completion during public sex. Oh yeah, you just fuck.
Jenn:You fuck for a little while and then you got your fuck on, so now you're limping around with blue clit and yeah you got blue clit and balls, but it just, it just makes you hotter edging each other. Yeah, until you get to the hotel.
Alisa Eddy:No, because if you're actually gonna, you know, go to completion, you need some more supplies that that I don't necessarily always have around yeah but if you're just gonna slip it in for a little minute for a little bit, for a little tiny bit, then you can do pretty much anywhere yeah that's good, right, yeah, yeah.
Alisa Eddy:so I think public sex is a really fun thing to try if you're trying to spice things up a little bit with your partner. Clearly there's weirdos like us around that do it all kinds of places and you can do it too. I think it's a good way to be a hoe.
Jenn:I'm like we're giving advice to give people do public sex. I know Like are we going to get in?
Alisa Eddy:trouble we might.
Jenn:Whatever, do it only at a nudist colony or that's even weirder I know it's even weirder because that's like a safe place for like nudity yeah, it is, and you don't want to make it weird and sometimes you don't want to do it in front of certain people that are there either.
Alisa Eddy:But for sure. So for me personally, it's not about getting caught. I don't want anybody to caught. I don't want anybody to catch us. I don't want anybody to notice or know, and so we've never wanted to do it in a way where people knew what was happening, because I don't want to, like, violate somebody else's personal experience. It's more like doing something sneaky, where there's some excitement about the fear of getting caught, but it's not about actually getting caught. Right, that's not my jam. Personally, I think that that's ethically questionable. Yeah, I agree with that, yeah, yeah. So when you're talking about what you want to do, like let's go have sex in that photo booth Important things to talk about are positions, right, so I want you to fuck me from behind doggy style. Maybe that's the way that you come the best right. Imagine just telling your first time partner this, instead of waiting six months for them to figure it out.
Jenn:oh god no right, and because then you speed it up to see if they're even good at that, you know, yeah, otherwise you're like, ok, we're engaged and I just figured out that you can't fuck and we're in trouble.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what positions you want? Really important things to ask in terms of that. We talked about choking. That's something to ask Like if you are, don't ever choke somebody without their permission ahead of time, number one. But also, um, dirty talk.
Alisa Eddy:Some people love it, some people get really triggered by it, so I would not or annoyed yeah, or annoyed, like I would not assume that somebody wants you to say, you know, talk dirty to them. I would ask, like, can I talk dirty to you? And if they want it, hopefully they have the confidence to say yes, and if they don't, hopefully they have the confidence to say no. Um, but I think asking for what you want just fast forwards your sexual relationship with that person to really you can figure out if you're compatible, instead of trying to be so subtle about what you like that you spend that six months being like I wish that he would just fuck me doggy style.
Jenn:I think. One thing I want to say, though, about that sometimes you don't know what you want, true, so it's okay to try things out, right? Like you don't always have to ask for exactly what you want if you don't really know. But you, it's okay to say no if you don't like it when it starts happening. Yeah, so it's okay to say no if you don't like it when it starts happening. Yeah, so it's okay to kind of like experiment and learn as you go, because I've definitely done that before. I didn't know everything I wanted until I did things I liked or things I didn't like. And now I like, know those things, so I know to ask for it. But like there is a period sometimes when you're on ramping in your ho phase and you haven't reached the climax yet.
Alisa Eddy:I like this analogy Okay.
Jenn:That you are kind of figuring things out, right, you're like seeing what feels good, what sounds good and for you and the person you're partnered with, and it's okay. But like, don't let something keep happening that you are uncomfortable with. Yeah, don't give that person that power. Don't lose your power. And you know, especially if you don't like it and you want to try something else, try something else, yeah. But like I don't know, I've like two, three times and during during you're trying different things. I think game over. You know like that's not the person for you. But yeah, um, it is so okay to experiment and stuff. Just hold your ground and make sure that you protect yourself and your body, you know, and your mental health and everything yeah, and that if you're not wanting to do it anymore, that you say I'm going to call it.
Alisa Eddy:Stop, blow the whistle, it's done. Um, I think so. There's an interesting thing about when you're in a promiscuous phase, making it clear what this, what this moment is to you, so that the person doesn't necessarily misinterpret where you're coming from, which can be hey, I want to hook up, I think you're hot, this is sexy. I'm not really looking to date anybody right now, but I really enjoy. Hooking up with you Is great. Or, hey, I actually really like you. I've kind of had my eye on you for like a couple months and you're really cool.
Alisa Eddy:Maybe after this, we can go on a date. I don't know, but I'm open to it and I want to see where this goes Right. These are different things, and I think when we can have the courage to be clear about that, first of all, I think it could open up some opportunities. Where do I treat them like a hookup or do I treat them like a guy? I went on a date with Cause. We didn't go on a date, you know, right, and so that's true. But then also, you know, you don't have to worry as much about people putting themselves out there, being really vulnerable emotionally, if that's not really what you're looking for where you're coming from.
Jenn:Yeah, cut the bullshit from the beginning. Yeah, it's so much easier.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, just Cut the bullshit from the beginning. Yeah, it's so much easier. Yeah, just being honest, just being honest and taking.
Jenn:Don't be a coward, you know. Like just say what you want and what your expectations are, and don't like drag someone along, you know.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, yeah, absolutely Like that person will give me attention, or I liked their attention, and maybe I don't really want to date them, but I want them to pursue me. Let's be careful about that kind of stuff.
Jenn:Yeah.
Alisa Eddy:Like, let's be real clear, I think, one thing that really surprised me, so my earlier ho phases. I was young and later in life, when I was 36 and I was getting a divorce and I went through that whole phase. It was hard on some of my friends who were not in a whole phase and I was going through. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and actually I mean some friends. I sort of lost as friends through that process and I think it sucks, it does.
Alisa Eddy:It sucks, it sucks, and I think that's just sort of life where you're not always in the same stage of life as all of your friends, but particularly when it comes to being promiscuous, it can be really triggering for people who are not in the same phase as you and I think it would be bullshit to not acknowledge that. And then it's a dynamic.
Jenn:Yeah, like especially I think it's a values thing too you just can't understand that your friend is kind of dating around and fucking around Just trying to have some fun and not let that affect you. Then you're more grounded and secure. But I think that when it affects people, to be honest, they have some insecurity about their own relationship. Yeah, and it like freaks them out that, oh, is my partner going to just go around and fuck everyone now and do all this crazy shit and it like rattles their world, or maybe they just feel like they can't relate to you anymore, which you haven't. Your core personality hasn't changed. You're just a hoe, you're just fucking more people. But you as a person hasn't changed, but also you're growing right.
Jenn:you're like kind of stretching your mind and your stretching something, yeah I didn't even mean to make that joke, but there we, here we are. Yeah, um, but but you know, and some people stay stuck in in the fate where they're at, and and you know what it's okay to have seasons of friends. Yeah, some friends are long term and stick around for a lifetime, or for most of your life at least, or for different parts of your life, like your childhood or adulthood, like you know. And some, some friends are there for you in seasons. And also, history does not equal friendship, true things, things can change.
Jenn:True, you can change, you know, and so don't feel guilty about trying to figure out who you are and what you like, and yeah. But I mean, yeah, I'm not, I'm not dismissing the fact that it hurts, you know, and it's really hard to heal from that.
Alisa Eddy:Yeah, I think my personal experience was that I got the sense that I, as the only single person in a group of people, suddenly was supposed to be unhappy with being single, and I was not.
Jenn:Oh, yeah, that thing, that whole energy, like like you. Like you have to have a partner to be happy. Yeah, it's like. No, I'm free of my gilded cage, ready to cage others. So true, it was mistress to you yeah, yeah, I felt like um felt like that too when I, when I broke up with this guy, I was like I am not even exaggerating, I was literally skipping to work. I was like I'm free, I get to fuck all these guys now. I was like so stoked.
Alisa Eddy:I was like and it just goes to show you that you outgrew this person, or just something happened where you just aren't compatible anymore and you just want to discover what's out there you know, yeah, and I think, let's see, I try really hard to be empathetic to the people who had a problem with my ho phase and when I'm sitting there like oh, what was going on with them? I'm like trying to think back to when I was in a marriage and a committed relationship and I was exposed to people who were being promiscuous and I mean, I kind of got over this kind of shit early because my friends were a bunch of gay guys.
Alisa Eddy:So like that was just kind of the deal, but the idea is that it's not safe. You're not safe. This is what they will tell you. You're not being safe. I'm just worried about you. I'm just worried about your safety because you have this many sexual partners. I'm just worried about your safety. I'm worried that you're not fulfilled or feeling joy because you don't have a partner. It's this like feigned worry, sounds religious, which not even necessarily religious, I know, but it's just like kind of associated with that it is.
Alisa Eddy:I'm sure subconsciously it is. But I also think it's like when I was with my ex and I didn't want to be anymore. But I was like, oh god, and this is hilarious to me now is that I thought, oh, who, who can handle being single at 36? Way too old for that. And now I'm like, oh girl, come on, that's silly. But I would sometimes think to myself I don't want to be married, I don't want to do this anymore. But I'm like but Elisa, what is it really like to be single? What is it really like? It's dangerous, it's lonely, and it wasn't dangerous in particular, and it definitely wasn't lonely in reality. And I think it scares people to be around someone who is single and fucking around with a lot of people and is not lonely and is not in danger. Yeah, because then it's like well, why am I staying in this situation?
Jenn:right. Maybe yeah, that's true maybe it scares them because they're like looking at their own lives now and they're like am I happy in my situation, am I trapped?
Alisa Eddy:and so they almost have to like bring you down to their misery, like misery, loving company kind of you know, I think for some people yes yeah that's hard and I also, with some people, got the sense that, um, they were threatened in the concern about maybe how their partner would perceive me, like maybe their partner would perceive me as sexually available to them because I would be so open about my, I should tell them a lot about their relationship yeah, yeah, it should.
Alisa Eddy:Um, so you know, those are things. If you're going through a ho phase and the rest of your world isn't in the ho phase, first of all, give me a call. I got you. Second of all, it's normal and there's a lot of dynamics to consider that are real, and I've been to some extent on both sides of those dynamics and I think the more that you can just openly talk about it, the better that it is. You don't have to change your friends or get new friends unless those people just can't roll with your new life right, yeah, I mean friendship honestly.
Jenn:Every relationship takes work. But friendship should be not organic. It shouldn't be so much forced work.
Alisa Eddy:It should not be forced at all yeah, yeah, I mean, if you guys, you know, if you and your friend get together on Sunday for brunch and your stories about your weekend completely freak them out, maybe, maybe this isn't the season for that friendship. So I guess that's just one of those weird little dynamics to keep in mind when it comes to that.
Jenn:But I think one big benefit to the ho phase is recognizing your market value.
Alisa Eddy:Ooh, yeah, true, yeah, so like for me, having been married for so long, been with the same person from like 19 or 20. It's like, limited to their point of view, yeah, so like for me, having been married for so long, been with the same person from like 19 or 20. It's like, limited to their point of view, yeah, well. And also you're just like, oh God, you know, I don't want to be single. I don't know what that's going to be like. And then you're like, oh, there's a lot of takers and it's fine. Like you might just be like oh, actually I am a really desirable person who should be choosing my partners based on whether or not they bring me joy and are good for me. Yeah, as opposed to feeling like there is a dearth of good partners out there in the world or a lack of people who will be interested in me. And so I think getting out there and and kind of slutting it up every now and again can be a good thing to remind yourself oh, I'm actually kind of a hot piece of ass.
Alisa Eddy:I got some good things going for me Right? Yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah, it's good. I think it's, it's uh, it's valuable for sure. Um yeah. So let's see, I think we've kind of covered this time. We talked about sex. Yeah yeah, we did really good. We've been doing some podcasts lately where we kind of forgot that sex was part of it.
Jenn:So proud of us for this one, to our level, I think. But I think sex is still part of it for other, maybe some people.
Alisa Eddy:But you're right, yeah, yeah, so we did a good job there, but yeah, so I think we're going to sign off. I think my parting words are it's really healthy to have phases in your life where you can be really promiscuous and just go and get and have what you want and not worry about other people and what they want or what they expect from you or what they expect you to not do all that crap and get other people's rules and opinions off of your fucking body and just experience that freedom word. Yeah, yeah, and it doesn't have to be how you live all the time. It is probably going to be something that ebbs and flows and phases for various reasons, but it's really good for you.
Alisa Eddy:And so, like I said, most women who I know well enough to talk about it have had a lot of ho phases and they'll be like, oh yeah, I used to do that back in the day, back you know when, when I broke up with that one guy for six months, and you know, and they have good stories to tell. So I would encourage you to not hide it. If you have this history and you have these great war stories and you have this fun time in your past, share it, be proud of it, think about all the great things that you learned from it and just embrace it. And I think a big note also is it doesn't have to be a phase. It can be a whole life, it can be your whole life, your whole life.
Alisa Eddy:Fuck can be your whole life, your whole life. Fuck, shame, fuck, shame. You can live a whole life as a slut, or whatever you want to call it. I'm reclaiming that term, so I don't mean it in a derogatory fashion, but you can decide hey, actually having a lot of partners gets my juices flowing, rubs my engine. I like this. You can decide I need more variety in my sex life all of the time. It doesn't have to just be a phase. It might be, but there's also the possibility. It could be your new life, could be new lifestyle, and it doesn't have to preclude partnership. You can be not single and living the whole life. Yeah, yeah, on that note, all right, thank you everybody. We love you.