Cum With KC
Burning Desires
Kari and Casey have compiled a few of the most submitted questions from their listeners to dive into. How can I get my partner to initiate sex? How should I prep for anal? and What are some ways I can spice up life in the bedroom?
Mentions in this episode:
Nightshade Burlesque
Carla Renee Intimates
Kari and Casey have compiled a few of the most submitted questions from their listeners to dive into. How can I get my partner to initiate sex? How should I prep for anal? and What are some ways I can spice up life in the bedroom?
Mentions in this episode:
Nightshade Burlesque
Carla Renee Intimates
it is that time again. Another episode. Another episode of Come With Casey with your host. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders and I'm Keri Sanders and we're the Wonder Twins. That'd be incestuous. Actually,
Kari:yeah, that's not, that's not what we mean, not
Casey:at all. Oh my God. I'm going to, I'm excited for this episode. We've had a good run of episodes lately, I think. Yeah, between our interviews and everything
Kari:else. Well, and I like that we're continuing the interviews. I like that this season we're starting to like Adapt and become like, just more comfortable. The first season was really heavy on us. The second season was really heavy on interviews. And this season we really just plan on not being a little bit of a mix of both. You have no fucking clue what you're gonna get. It might be us three in a row or we might have a pop in. Robert, what's
Casey:our word for the season? It is...
Kari:Sex. Education? Education! That was my idea and I'm like, I don't know.
Casey:But that's what it is. We are focusing on education. And if you listened to our last episode, we had a fucking blast with the ladies, the creators and producers of Nightshade Burlesque. Which is? Nightshade Burlesque is a Fort Worth local burlesque show, gothic. Theme goth burlesque show and I know that they don't like push this out as their message, but an all inclusive burlesque show Yes, so we get to see some really cool shit. We saw burlesque dancers
Kari:I mean every time that we've gone it has been an amazing show because it's not the same performers It's not the same concept. They stay very fresh. They stay very new. We've seen drag queens Yeah, I got to see my very first drag king. I've known what a drag king was, but i've just never actually Had the opportunity or joy of seeing one perform. And honestly, both times we've been there, there has been a drag King and this last time
Casey:it was it was, it was my chemical romance. Wasn't it? It was like walking around. Like it was fucking cool.
Kari:No, it was a fucking blast. And again, this will be like. Cannot say this enough about this show. It's the first Friday of every month. It is a gothic burlesque. You can get tickets Actually, the next show is September
Casey:4th I believe the link is in our bio to go to their site or you can check out nightshade burlesque
Kari:They're also on our page their link to their page and everything are the two different performers or the individuals Kind of like setting the tone for the show You can find all of their information on
Casey:our page. Last I checked, they had a couple of VIP tables left and a couple of couches left. Our recommendation to you guys is they're not expensive. They're not. A table, a table is well affordable for, for four people. And couches are well affordable for three people. And
Kari:if you want standing room, do fucking standing room. There's nothing wrong with that. But you're not going to get the same. No, you're not. You know, in normal cases, I would say that, but I'm going to slightly disagree. These. Formers like go out into the crowd. Like you're not a thousand percent missing out. If you're standing in the crowd, we've done both. We did VIP table and we did standing and honestly, both fucking times we've had a blast. Is it nice to have a place to fucking sit up front? Yes, it is right in front of the state. Yes, it is. And I even remember the, I, I'm going to call her a co host. And actually I'm going to redirect it to say, They, just in case, Squirrel, even came up to the VIP table and was like, Do you need dollar bills? You have a 20, we'll give you bills. Oh, I forgot about that. That was so frickin convenient. I was like, I didn't even fuckin think about getting, like, bills. Change. Yeah, and so
Casey:it was perfect. And they made it so it was like, you can Venmo or whatever app they use. Yes, that was the
Kari:other thing. And in return
Casey:for that,
Kari:we'll give you cash. Yes. Or if you just didn't have it, you didn't want to mess with it and you wanted to be completely just Venmo or your phone, then you could tip the performers as they went on. And so I loved that at I loved that portion
Casey:of it. You know what I'd love to see? What? If like they came across, this is, if it was like the, like you get like boxing, like the ring people holding
Kari:up the like a picture of
Casey:the performer with a QR code of their Venmo that was like, here you go.
Kari:Hey, I mean, I know who we need to contact about that. Yeah. That's like the third grade, the third
Casey:great idea that we've had for y'all show you're welcome.
Kari:So not only are we, you know, here to talk about this burlesque show that we're very passionate about, but we're also promotes.
Casey:It's a huge amount of body positivity. Yes. Right? Which is the other thing that we're super concentrated on.
Kari:And hyper focused on. Like we're not finding people to talk about that are like looking for the generic type. Like we're out. We're, we're fucking done with that shit. We want people to feel sexy. Yes. No matter who you are, where you are, any body type, any color, tone, shape, we don't give a fuck. And that is why we love Carla.
Casey:Well, yeah, you're reading the segue now.
Kari:Our photographer, Carla Intimates, she's again posted all over our Instagram page. I fucking love her work and I have been all about her male model shoots lately.
Casey:Oh my God. She did the one shoot with a guy that was, it was almost like a Barbie style. Yes, it was so tight. Pink underwear on. So it was in her, her puffy pink
Kari:wall and all that. And then she also does this really unique outdoor experience where she creates a rain room. And one of the things that we've kind of Fucking love her husband. I've never even met him and I love him. He has worked so hard to create Yeah, all of the like she comes to him and says hey, I have a vision. I want to do it Rain room and he just builds it like it's, it's really, really cool. I love the fact that they work together. So we've just created a rain room. Yeah, and I love that they work together and it's very practical. It is, but as as a wife that looks to a partner that I'm like, Hey, I have a problem and you're so solution based. I'm like. I connect with their relationship so much. I'm like, fuck yeah. Like they are working together at all points at every time. And I absolutely love that. So again, if you're looking for, for a boudoir specialist that is not going to do the most generic day to day basic ass shit, I mean, she's going to take you outside. She has locations in downtown Fort Worth that she shoots at even out of her own fucking garage that again, her husband helped her organize and build. Like they are a fucking power couple. For what it is that we are here to promote. And
Casey:I'm so excited to have her and her work is that she offers a spectrum. Yes. It's not just show up and here's your stuff and let's take your pictures and you're good. She can do everything from very tame photo shoots. To the most explicit you could imagine. Yeah. And
Kari:so, and I love her girl on girl shoots too. The the friend shoots. I
Casey:love those. Those
Kari:are, I know you want one. So cute. I want one with her. We'll get there eventually. We'll, I'm sure so,
Casey:So can that contacting
Kari:her? Yes. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I was jumping head. I was, we always need
Casey:contact info, so if you have not seen any of Carla's stuff, you can find her on all social as Carla Renee Intimates. You have to type in the entirety of it. Carla, C A R L A, Renee, I think it's R E N E E, Intimates. Put that in, you'll see her work, you will not be disappointed, and when you book a session with her, make sure that you tell her that Carrie and Casey sent you over, so she can make it just the best shoot you will ever have.
Kari:And then I have one more plug that Casey doesn't really know about, but I'm going to talk about it anyways, and it is premature. Is No, that was yesterday. Cute though. It's a friend of ours. This is premature, but again, I think it's good to kind of like tease it a little bit.
Casey:I'm being surprised right now. What are you springing on
Kari:me? It is. A friend of ours that she is creating and she has sent us a prototype of said box. But this is a box that can go under your bed, the side table, it can have a code, it can have I'm pretty sure she's actually doing it as a code as of right now, but it is a sex box. It allows you to have your stuff hidden, anything that you want hidden in that box. But it also the feature that I really loved about it is it had a plug in station inside the box. So you can hide your toys and you can charge them all at the same time. What are you talking
Casey:about? It's like a gun safe.
Kari:It's, it's a gun safe, but for chargeable dildos. Yes.
Casey:Okay, so that makes so much worse sense. So we're talking about a, a lock box you can keep next to your bed. So you're, you don't have to like put your toys hidden away in drawers. You don't have to worry about like your kids coming in and
Kari:finding them. And just seeing them out. I mean, I'm pretty sure you came to me this morning and you're like, Carrie, we have two very visual dildos just chilling. Can we please do something with that? There's like this
Casey:vibrating one on the, like right, I mean on this, on the fucking bedside table that I'm like, there it is. Our kids come through in the morning, so. They're gonna be like, what's this? I think
Kari:at this point now they're like, we ain't fucking asking shit. If we don't know what that is, we don't wanna know what it is. But if we had this lock box next to our bed, because in, in a lot of cases we have some of our toys like in the bedroom, or I'm sorry, in the closet. Yeah. And maybe you're in the heat of the moment and you don't wanna have to get up and go to the closet because you have toys that are hidden or the rock box, or you a frequently used toy or you frequently lose toy and you forget to charge it. And. Now you don't have the toy that you want to use. So, we, we love this concept. We will be bringing it out very soon. But we're actually one of the first ones that are going to be demoing it for y'all. So just stay in tuned. Stay in tuned with messages. And I have one more thing to announce and he also doesn't know this. I have one more thing to announce off the cuff today. I love it. No, thank you. Our website,
Casey:our website is not live yet.
Kari:No, it's not. But it, we're talking now about up and coming
Casey:things. I'm pretty sure you announced this like. Weeks ago, like a couple weeks
Kari:ago, I know, but I just want to give like an update on what's your
Casey:excitement is driving your announcement. Yes,
Kari:I know, but I want to talk about what we were talking about lunch today. What are aspects of our website that we're wanting to have on there? Like, why do we need a website to begin with? Oh,
Casey:so this is a question directed to me. Yep, critical thinking. Go have it. How? No, I'm actually happy to answer that one. I'm super excited about this. You're going to hear all about everything that's coming down the pipeline with this, what some of the features that we're going to be featuring. Features that will feature I'm sorry, I'm
Kari:just stuck on coming down a pipeline.
Casey:We're going to have the link to be a, to a sign up for coaching with us. So you can have one on one sessions with us where we can talk about your sex life, how to make
Kari:it even better, any questions that you might have. But we're also going to be setting it up to where you can talk with Casey individually. Or you can talk with me individually, or you can have both. So we want it to be able to seem like maybe you're a guy that wrote in and you don't want to fucking hear my opinion. You want to hear Casey's opinion. You're going to have the availability to either one or, you know, one or,
Casey:or both. Oh, go right ahead, please. So I'm going to take, I'm going to take it back now. Yeah. You're going to have the availabilities. You're gonna do all of our blog content, which if you know me, you know how much of a writer I am. There's gonna be a ton of shit on there Yeah. That you're gonna get from me. And if you follow our Instagram and all, a lot of our blog posts, our blog posts, our Instagram posts mm-hmm. you're gonna see those are more skeletons. Those are more like basic and very, very narrow. Our blog posts are going to be able to have very much expanded articles so you can get more in depth with a lot of the, the strategic ways that we help
Kari:you improve your sex life. Yeah, because Instagram not only limits the words that we use, but how many we use. And
Casey:how censored
Kari:we are. Correct. So, Our website is a non censored location and that is one of the biggest struggles that we have had moving forward with what it, the message that we're trying to relay out is that it has to be so, Censored our website's not going to be like that because people on our website can't report us And make all of our content go away other
Casey:other things that you're gonna be able to see on the website though We are going to eventually have a place for you to interact with us more closely We are gonna have What else like the mailing list? Yeah, we're gonna, you're going to be able to access our mailing list. You're going to be able to access all of our episodes in nice order and organized by topic and that kind of thing. So we're going to
Kari:be creating like individual videos. Like we're going to be able to create many messages and have a location to where we can set up these little mini conversations and these middle mini little like tips and tricks and whatever. But The website is coming.
Casey:You'll see that within the next
Kari:couple of weeks. Yeah. We're very excited about that, but enough about our announcements. I
Casey:know. Holy shit. We've been just yammering on about all this stuff. Let's talk about
Kari:stuff, but I'm over it. Let's
Casey:so today we want to get into one of our favorite topics. It's popular amongst a lot of podcast platforms. We like doing it because it allows us to interact on a more deeper level with you guys. We want to answer some questions.
Kari:And it's nice to hear from y'all too. Like, you listen to our stuff, and if you listen to an episode and then that poses a, like, further question, please ask. We love this shit. Whenever
Casey:you guys send in your questions, what we like to do, one of our favorite things is we like to compile some of the most popular ones together. Yeah. And then answer them as a whole all at once. all at once. And probably this first question that we're gonna answer is, I would say in the top three. Yeah.
Kari:We get this
Casey:often. We get this often. And most notably it comes from a penis owner talking about their partner, vulva owner. Yeah. You're right. And it's, it's a very specific question and it's always formatted the same way. The way that it reads is, I wish my partner would initiate sex more. The most latest one that we got was from this person who had said they already have a great sex life. They love that they do. They've been open, especially since listening to the podcast, which I love
Kari:hearing that feedback. That is always good. Yeah, it was something along the lines of like, ever since my wife started listening to your podcast, now we're like way more in depth with our sexual life than we've ever been.
Casey:However, the initiation always seems to fall on the penis on the guy. Yeah. This person has said that the most that their partner tends to do is come in and be like, Yeah. I'm horny. I want sex. Boom. Let's go. Yeah. And they were wondering how, what sort of strategies they could use to help communicate to their partner that they would love it if their partner initiated more, if they tease them throughout the day, maybe sent them pictures or went down on them to initiate things. So we want to dive into that first. I mean, Carrie are going to give individual answers on this. Yes. Now we're going to start with Carrie. Okay, so what I, what we're, we're going to reformat that question. What advice would you give to this partner to say you want them to initiate sex more?
Kari:So to be honest, as the in our scenario the vulva owner, I. Relate with that actually you have come to me and said I wish that you would initiate if you wanted initiate it So I'm gonna speak to vulva owners because I understand how it feels you get nervous you get insecure you're afraid of rejection And reject, rejection on our end or something that I've personally experienced is a far bigger rejection than any other. Like I can be rejected by friends. I can be rejected by like colleagues, whatever. But if my spouse rejects me, that's a fucking bruise. Like I might fucking cry myself to sleep. And so what I want to think that is, I don't, I don't know. I, I, I don't. I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that like we should never be rejected because we're women and we're put and on this like higher We're always wanted and so when we're not and it's or it's met with a no, I'm not interested I truly believe that we take it a lot stronger and harder Then as maybe you a a penis owner would take it not that y'all are used to rejection. Oh, we are okay You are but I don't want to make it seem so like male rejection like women hire like that's but an unfortunately In a sense, that's kind of how it feels because I have initiated with you and I was met with a no
Casey:and you know that I have definitely been like, I love you so much. Yeah, no, you're
Kari:nice about your rejection, but it doesn't change place right now. Yeah, but I was, I've cried because you told me no. And it's so silly. Why do
Casey:you think you put so much blame on yourself in those, in those
Kari:scenarios? For me, it's like what? I didn't fulfill his needs enough for him to want me. I didn't look good enough today for him to want me. I didn't, whatever, right? And, or I'm fucking bloated today, or I have acne and I feel insecure. So a lot of self blame. I think so, yeah. And, again, I can only speak for myself, but... Or as a vulva owner, I, I've chatted a lot about this topic, you know, but rejection is really hard and I would rather not bring it up than bring it up and be rejected, but there is a way to get around this, in my opinion, as ladies when I know that I want to engage sexually with you, Casey, my partner I'm going to let it be known earlier on I learned that mistake to not do it. As soon as you lay in bed, I want to do this now. That's not prepping your mindset to knowing what my wants are. And so what I started to do was send text messages or just, here's my tit, you know, like just one, just the one, just the one really. No, but I, but I do think that like setting up the stage for flirtation. And then on the other side of it, like Casey, if you know, all of a sudden you start getting a bunch of titty pictures from me and you start getting like these, you know what that means. Yeah,
Casey:that's a fairly clear message.
Kari:And so, How was your day? Here's my butthole. Yeah. Have I ever just sent you my butthole? I don't think I have.
Casey:No, but would you?
Kari:Maybe if there was a plug in there. But just a random butthole, that might be weird. Like a Tuesday morning butthole. For you maybe.
Casey:That's fair. I would be like message received.
Kari:But as a partner receiving these messages throughout the day, would that not put you in the mindset? That's a little bit of
Casey:pre framing. Your intentions are for the day.
Kari:So I think one, let's go back to the spouse act asking, how does he get his partner to want to initiate more? I think it would lead with, it would be so sexy if you sent me. A picture when you got to work because you've done that to me and whether it wasn't in my mind to do that You put it in my mind to do that and then I immediately wanted to start playing along I think it comes with communicating earlier on in the day what the intentions are leading into the night and Casey, you've come to me before and said, I want you to initiate more. And you, we sat down, we communicated it. We didn't communicate it at dinner with the kids at the table or prior to where it was busy and hectic. We sat down and we had a conversation on it. And, and I think that it kind of goes back to the post that we made today, where it was like what the touchy subject, like it, it's time to sit down and talk about these things that you want within the relationship. And I love what you had the writeup about. It was what are like, Oh, that was all about our three Cs. Yeah. Our most common thing that we talk about the most is our three Cs, which are.
Casey:Comfort, communication and consent.
Kari:So when you came to me and you set me down in a comfortable environment and then you communicated with me and you also did like, may I talk to you about something that I want to talk to you about? And we've had this conversation and I honestly believe that you opening up and telling me like, The text message throughout the day, the being more flirty, all of those things will allow me as the pursuer to not feel rejected and you as a person that I am pursuing to understand the mindset that's going to be like, look, you fucking know what's going to go down later. I'm going to let you know what's going down later, you know, but as someone on your side of things, I'm curious to know how you feel as. Being the individual that wanted to have it initiated for you. So you're not always feeling like you are.
Casey:All right. So I'm going to answer this question. I'm going to try to keep it as concise as I can, because I feel like I could talk on this topic for a fucking day. Rambling like I just did. I can just, I can know you did. I don't not think that you were rambling. You did a good, you did a great job. And now I get to add in just my two cents of the whole thing. I think your first point that you made was very important. And I think it's very important for everybody to understand is that those are the unfortunate cultural norms that we live in in America is that women are told. If all the owners are told this is the way that you're supposed to be, you're supposed to be pursued. You're not supposed to be rejected. You're supposed to be pursued and it's okay to reject, but it's not okay to be rejected. So there does come that discomfort I feel for Volvo owners whenever it's like, all right, well if I initiate and I'm told no, it's a slide against me when the reality is is that it gets a two way street really in the same way that a Volvo owner can feel rejection. So can a penis owner,
Kari:these are, these are, yeah, but you're supposed to be used to being rejected, right? That's
Casey:right. That's the issue, right? You're supposed to be used to this. Yeah. Our encouragement is to fucking break that mold and break out of those, that box because what sexuality is and just create your own. Like it's okay if someone comes to you and you say, I want to be sexual. And your response to them is I'm really place right now. Is it nothing to do with you or anything you've done? It may have everything to do. Stressors that I've been through throughout the day with issues that I've dealt with separately that have suppressed my arousal
Kari:I mean, you've actually said that to me almost every time is it has absolutely nothing to do with you Yeah, which I try to make that clear with you No And you do and that also also came after we've had a lot of conversations about me feeling like insecure about being rejected and you I, whether you realize it or I just fucking realize this myself, but you've always made it a point recently to be like, honey, it has nothing to do with you. I'm in a different state and that did. Yes. And that helped me not feeling rejected because of me. It was the situation is being rejected, not the person. Yeah. You know,
Casey:it's, it's understanding how arousal occurs in a person. Like that's that's really a major step is if you can understand how your partner's arousal occurs in the first place It is not a closed system of where it's like I'm on I'm off you're off. I'm off you're on It's that's not how it works It is a very individualistic thing if y'all can mess mesh up and then come together Great. If you want to use off, it has, it doesn't often have something to do with their attraction or lack of attraction to the, to their partner. But if you are wanting to alter this, if you are a penis owner and you're wondering, all right, well, how can I get my partner to initiate more when they are not typically the initiator? There are a few steps that I think that can be taken in order to make that happen. Some of the biggest ones are going to be approaching the conversation in a very positive light. Look, a lot of people already have. a great sex life, and they just want to improve it. Yes. And it's okay to sit down with someone and positively say, Look, our sex life is fucking phenomenal right now. I would like to also add in these things. And understand that you should frame it in terms of your own pleasure. So if I come to you, I want to say something like, Be so fucking hot if you initiated sex that would be that would turn me on so much I would get so much pleasure from you doing
Kari:this. Well, and that's the thing like hearing that though, too. I hope that when your partner Expresses to the things that they want that that is also then like a turn on for you Like when you came to me and said hey I want you to initiate more that really did kind of light a fire and I was like Okay, heard. I hear it. I want to do that. But if your, if your partner comes to you and Expresses something that they want and you're like, absolutely. No, then that needs to also be another conversation. Yeah You're going to find people that never ever ever ever want to initiate and I think that that comes from a lack of confidence
Casey:I do think it comes from part a lack of confidence But also I also I truly believe it comes from that that sexual narrative. How are you brought up learning about sex? Yeah, were you only ever given the message that it's not your job to initiate And that it's your job to be pursued that you, like, that's, first of all, to me is objectifying. It is. Cause it's like, you're, I'm, I'm a trophy to be one or what, what is this whole thing? So reframing the mindset is important, but if you have not had that mindset reframing, you are so set in your ways of, I am to be pursued. That's a very important conversation that you're going to have to have.
Kari:Well, and the thing is too, is it's not going to be one off conversation. Trying to it the this conversation right now needs to happen with your partner Often if you're with someone that whether guilt Rejection, whatever does not feel that they have it within them to initiate You cannot think that after one conversation, it's going to be better. You need to figure out the why in the relationship. Why is it not being initiated? Are you tired? Are you stressed? Are you whatever, right? Then figure out how to fix those problems. But if it goes back to the whole root of I don't want to be told no, I'm afraid if you reject me, then this needs to be almost, I mean, I wouldn't say we could conversation, but I don't want you to think that you're going to have this conversation once and it'd be over with. This is a very serious topic in a relationship and this is a topic that needs to evolve just as much as y'all do. Yes, exactly. It is not a, it is not a one and done. So what we stress about the most is our three C's. Communicate, let your partner know, I want to communicate what my needs are, what my wants are, give them that consent to have that conversation and seek their
Casey:consent to have that conversation. Yeah, exactly.
Kari:And, and again, just understand that it's not going to be a one and done. Let your truth be known. My truth is, I want you to initiate. I want to feel sexy just as you feel sexy when I initiate. I want to feel wanted. And I think that's part of the biggest thing. And that's why I talk a lot on like, send them fucking titties throughout the day. Send them a sexy message throughout the day. We're, we're gonna say this one and we're gonna skip back into it. But send them a porn that you want to watch later. There's a way to let your partner We'll get to that. That's what I'm saying. We're gonna get to that. That's the third one. We're not going there yet, but I'm just saying I know, you just had us tell people like, whoa, wait, what the fuck? Exactly. But it's a way to let your partner No, this is my intentions for tonight. Get home five minutes before bed and be like I want to fuck tonight That is not how to make it happen. I don't care if you're a penis over or you're a vulva owner That is not how you initiate sex in the last five minutes before
Casey:bed If that is your way of initiating sex and you do realize that it's time to kind of reevaluate things Because you have a lot of people especially if you're someone that's like Man, I want you to initiate sex to me and I want you to warm me up and have all of this like verbal foreplay and treat me in such ways. But then you also want to turn around and say, I'm horny. Fuck me now. That doesn't work. No, it doesn't. And I understand that if you get upset because your partner's blindsided by the fact that this is what you want. Like y'all both need to be able to engage in those actions.
Kari:Penis owners need to be wined, dined, and 69'd just as much as, you know, pussy owners. Sure. Speaking of pussy, let's talk about anal. That, just kidding. That doesn't match.
Casey:That was, okay. I mean, we do hope that that first question was answered in a way that kind of relates to you. And if you have further inquiries about it, reach out to us. We're happy to talk. I mean,
Kari:I think further inquiries are going to be more linked to our coaching at this point. Yeah.
Casey:The next most common question we have though is, is about anal, but it's not about anal sex. No, this is about. But plugs
Kari:the and the preparation for not the act and when it's happening But all of the preparation before and we've had a few episodes on this But it just it kind of seems to be the thing that people keep asking us about the most
Casey:You have a lot of people that's like I would like to try anal, but I don't know how to prep for it I would like to try anal or I get a butt plug, but I don't know what to choose There's so many on the fucking market There are like what am I supposed to get and all of them or half of them are intimidating And some of them are just downright impossible
Kari:for me. And, and then the act of it, like everything you, you've led up to it. Okay. Now you're in the act. So it's all things that we're going to discuss. But the first thing that as a receiver of said act I do want to talk about plugs and like you said, that was like one of the number one questions that we get, but those trainer sets, you can get trainer sets.
Casey:I don't think butt plugs
Kari:can come in. They are fucking tiny. Some of them are smaller than a finger.
Casey:There are some, there are some that are like, they come in all shapes and sizes. I think that's the most important thing to really note there is that whenever you think of butt plug, a lot of people go, all right, well, I'm going to see this little base and that's. Big flare tip, and it's going to just hurt. That's
Kari:not how it has to be. No, especially with the trainer sets, because again, you can go to the very smallest one and you can gradually move yourself up to a bigger one. But before we get into that, I do want to talk a lot on mental preparation, physical preparation. Mentally, it is something that like you do have to be in the mood for, there, there have been times where we've gone like months, like months be be between engaging in anything. Yeah. You should be ready for it in that way. You should be wanting open and willing. Yeah. But I, I will say when you start it, it does open that, it kind of like opens that door and you don't ever shut it and then you're like, Hmm, I wanna try that again. Even doesn't matter how long it's been. But the biggest thing that we will start with is lube. And again, plugs, but lube, lube, lube and, and my suggestion to anyone starting out, do it yourself. There have been plenty of times where I came downstairs and kind of, surprised Casey with the plug in, but I wanted to be the one to put it in and then let it kind of like, marinate a little bit, know, know that it's there. So to, to go into the muscles and the like, let's get into the, the
Casey:sphincter, lube. Talk on boob
Kari:boob. Well, yeah, yeah.
Casey:Well, there's different types of lube. There's all sorts of stuff.
Kari:Okay, well, come on, lube master. Go ahead. I'm the plug master. You're the lube master.
Casey:And all in all actuality, my only thing I want to note there is that you can use different types. You can use water based, you can silicone based, or you can use something more of a natural base. So like coconut oil or things like that. There's no wrong answer. Silicone base is usually going to give you more like you don't have to reapply it. As I said, it's a different feeling. It's a lot more sticky for sure. Water based is going to be a lot more intense at first in terms of allowing for penetration. Mm-hmm. I think but it is shorter lasting. So always keep it by you. Yes. That's one thing. People are like, well, I'll just apply it and I'm done with it. No, no. You keep it by the bed. You have to keep applying. Keep applying. And then like my favorite ones are the kinds that are like the pump.
Kari:I do prefer the pump. I don't have Sit all over your hands.
Casey:Yeah. Don't have to sit there and put in your hands. Gimme a pump any days. Hands sticky. Or one of our favorite ones, they have an applicator. It's my pulse. Uhhuh That, those are little bedside dispensers that you can get where you just put your hand underneath it and it puts your hand right there, or I bet if you're really funny, you could just
Kari:cock underneath back over. We need to try that. That'd be funny,
Casey:but al always keep it by you and keep plenty of it ready because you're gonna need to reapply. Yeah. Remember, it's your anal cavity. You do not produce natural lubricants.
Kari:Thank you. That's what I was just about to say. Say, that's why I wanted you to chime in with that. Yeah, that's perfect. So the, the muscle that is around the, like anus mm-hmm. is, is not the same your electro A nine. Yep. That, that one, like you said, it's not the same as your vulva. All of that is designed to pre lubricate and everything. But again, Well, all of it's design is
Casey:an exit. True. It is pleasurable for an entrance, but it's not designed that way.
Kari:And so whenever you start with lube, you know, you're going to have that. Keep it with you at all times, but you are like a baby into butt plugs. I love the trainer sets. You can get on Amazon. You can. Go shop you I mean they're everywhere and you'll see it says trainer set So you're gonna see very small all the way to very big all the way to very all the way to very not gonna fucking happen But I do want to explain and also give like hey understand the importance of anytime that you use a plug, it needs to have that base that the flared base, the flared base again, is to prevent not coming back out. Okay. It is very important to have that safety net. I think we've all seen things gone wrong. Exactly.
Casey:X ray of a butt plug in your pelvic cavity.
Kari:So if it has a flared base, you understand that it's already going to be a safer device to stick in your anus. Okay. And your asshole, stick it in your asshole. Start small. And again, my recommendation of that, we stick it in. But my, my biggest recommendation is do it yourself to start. If you are a little insecure about it, you've never done it before. Like I said, there are so many times I would surprise Casey with the butt plug in, but that was also because like I wanted to do it. Let me relax. Let me calm down. Let me get into my headspace. I'm going to like insert. I've never inserted dry. Never have I ever inserted dry. There's always lube before I do. And what's the golden rule
Casey:of lube?
Kari:Lube is not spit. Other way around. Oh, spit is not lube, whatever. There, it's, that's right. I just said it wrong. No, you're good. You're good. Spit is not lube. Spit is not lube.
Casey:No. In, in terms of butt plugs. One last thing that I wanna say about that is that under understand, and if you're, if you're on video, you can see that I like, I'm holding a little teardrop. Jeweled one. That's a little teardrop. They're not all of them are teardrop, but you do see the flared base You do see like the thin stem that is to prevent it to drifting into your anal cavity But there's different shapes that you can get there's some that are like teardrop shape. There's some that are like
Kari:I don't even know what the fuck to call it. Yeah, I don't know either.
Casey:But they have different shapes that you can get. So find something that works for you. There are thin ones, there are big ones, there are long ones, there are short ones.
Kari:But then there's also glass. Yeah, this one's made from a different material. You can get silicone, you can
Casey:get glass. Yeah. All sorts of
Kari:stuff. I do personally prefer or metal. They have like metal the metals are going to be a little bit heavier and a little bit more weighted. So those are more of my preferred. If I'm going to have that in while Casey plays with me vaginally which is
Casey:a great, like, honestly, you want to talk about somebody trying to live out kind of a double penetration fantasy. Put in a plug and then have vaginal
Kari:intercourse. Yes. And what I have noticed again is depending on what tool he's going to be using on me. So if I'm going to have a butt plug in, I'm going to use a glass toy. I'm not going to have a glass. butt plug. Yeah, I will say it can be a little over simulating in that way. So I do try to like counteract if I know that he is going to be penetrating me with his penis, then I might then use a glass. And then we also have a toy that we haven't fully used yet, but I've been really, really wanting to, but I know that it would have to be plug in first, wear that for a little bit. And then engage, but is a device that, oh, is it the DP one? Yes. It's the device that like attack. You were talking about the vibrating butt plug, I do wanna try that, but the one that we got is just too big for, for me. That one's very intimidating. It's a turn on and I'm like, God, I would love to do that. I
Casey:just need to be smaller. I'm smaller. Not gonna lie like I would, I looked at it and went, it's so big. I don't know about that. I don't think there's enough
Kari:tequila in my system. That I can, I can tolerate that one, but a vibrating butt plug is a huge turn on for me and one day we will do it and we'll have a whole episode on it, but an entire episode, a whole episode, it's just me moaning the whole time. No, we're going live in the background. You're like,
Casey:no, it's the, it's the Instagram. One of us has a
Kari:But yes, again, butt plugs, because again, whenever you set yourself up and you put a butt plug in one, they can feel really fucking good for you just to kind of like toy with and play with a little bit, but it will set you up to have anal later that night, which that's the biggest thing. Like butt plugs are not just there for show. They're there to relax the muscles, to expand it out a little bit. Get it to relax and get it used to whenever insertion does happen. It's not like the first thing that's entered your butthole in a while. So
Casey:many people we've had that have been like, listen, I don't like to do anal. I had a bad experience. And we'll ask them, okay, what was your experience? Like, well, they just put it in. Whoa. That's like the last thing on earth I would ever recommend. If you want to try anal is to the most painful thing is just to immediately go into it. You got to prep the most. Holy shit. Get yourself ready.
Kari:Damn. And because again, it is very enjoyable. I, I've come from you or from us experiencing anal together. But the last thing before we get done talking about anal is knowing when to stop.
Casey:See, this was a good one. This is a point you brought up the other day. Today, yeah. Was it earlier today or whatever it was? Is that just because you start anal doesn't mean you finish anal.
Kari:Yes. You do not have to finish that way. You don't, you can start it. But that's where communication comes in heavily into play. There are many of times where we have gone full all the way to the end. And it was amazing. And then there have been times where I've had to been like, okay. I'm actually ready to stop. The time has arrived, so let's switch back. Well, and the thing is, is like, you already knew that that's how I was feeling. So you are very aware of me and you're very aware of my cues. Even me being this like, sex positive, whatever. I don't give him the cues that I always should. Sometimes I don't communicate my very best. And you're really good at picking up on that and understanding like, Oh, She's not really moaning as much, she's kind of tensing up a little bit there are cues and ways to realize whenever you as someone receiving or your partner as you giving can kind of like pick up on, on when they might be done again, just because you start anal doesn't mean you have to finish anal. The biggest thing that you have to do in between. Is what? Clean it. Don't go... Don't and we actually experienced this the other night. If you're going
Casey:to switch back over to something else. Clean yourself. One of the golden rules of anal is like, if you're going to switch between anal and vaginal, A, you may have seen that in porn, where they'll go like ass to vagina, ass to mouth, and that's not a good idea. Or
Kari:you're not seeing where they cut.
Casey:And clean off and then start again.
Kari:Again, there are so many edits and stuff in porn that you don't even realize are happening. So just because you see them go from Anus to vulva, like no clean off. One of our favorite tools that we have are those sex wipes. Oh, clean af. Yes. The clean, clean AF wipes doesn't, doesn't leave an
Casey:aftertaste. Love those. It cleans you quickly. All of that. Yeah. The point being is to clean yourself off in between if you need to stop, like we've already said before it's okay to stop during sex Yes. And say, let's take a break. Or like, wow, we've been going really hard. Mm-hmm. let's just. Chill for a second. This is in particular situation. If you're having anal intercourse. And you're gonna stop, stop, go clean off, wait a minute, and then build back up and
Kari:start again. Yeah, and if you need to suck his dick more for him to like get ready and going, like do that. Understand that it's not a start to finish. I mean, any sexual experience should not be just start to finish. There should be available times to kind of like, quickies are an exception, but quickies are an exception. Yes. But again anal lube plugs. are very helpful. Set your mindset up, set your body up. Don't go eat a bunch of fucking Mexican food and then try to have anal that night. It's not a good idea. Not a good idea. But yeah, and then again, understand that anal can be stopped at any point. It does not have to go to completion. It is a great tool to explore your sexuality with you and your partner. And the thing is, is with partners, everyone has an anus. So this conversation is not strictly to boba owners wanting to have penetration. Everyone has a butthole.
Casey:Okay. You've got a partner that is interested in pegging. It's time to have that conversation. And, and
Kari:then the same rules apply. The exact same rules apply for a guy as it is for a girl, because we all have buttholes. Can I, can our, can our first book, I was about to say, can our first book just be like, everyone has buttholes.
Casey:I could go in so many directions. I
Kari:know. All right. So our next topic is slightly. Our last question. And the question is how to spice it up. It's a very simple question and there are a hundred. 101 answers. It does slightly go with what we're talking about. 201 answers. 201. There were it's slightly what we teased about earlier, but it initiation is a way to spice things up. Yes. But there are a lot of tools. There's a lot of revenues that you can kind of avenues, revenues, I swear to God, your wordplay is, I know, and she liked it and lightning different avenues that one can go around to spice things up. So I already have my example and you're not a lose, you're not allowed to use it because you already know what it is. So you have to come up with your own. What is a way to spice it up? Let's hear it Casey. What is an easy way to spice up? Easy way to spice it up. Spice what up? The relationship. The relationship? Yeah, the sexual relationship.
Casey:You're a fucking asshole. We already had this pre set with what I'm gonna say now.
Kari:You can't take and you can't use my answer. Fine, go ahead. Use my answer. I'll come up with
Casey:another one. You know that mine always is like continuous teasing. That is one of the Think for anybody to spice up a relationship is to keep someone going throughout the day. God. I'm a penis owner It's not hard to arouse us Especially if we're not in a high stress state Fucking that you send like a titty picture or you send a sexual act you want to try or you're sitting there back It'd be like hey, whatever you get home tonight. It's gonna be a lot of fun I'm gonna get I can't wait for you to get home and I'm gonna suck your cock. Yeah It's fucking words like just it builds arousal if you continue to tease throughout the day It just builds towards that especially if you're the person that's like I want my partner to initiate sex with me Okay. Well if you're talking about wanting to know them to initiate in the moment Then why don't you build them towards that? Yeah, even if you are someone that's like, I don't want to initiate, but I want them to okay. Well entice them to plant the idea in their head that they're going to initiate. Yeah. I love that flirtatious text, send them nudes, send them audio messages, whatever you need to do throughout the day. And if you're together, make it flirtatious with touch. What's their fucking love language? Initiate that. Engage in that
Kari:because the thing is, is like relationships are not just this like day to day. We just coast through and live life. No, like we have to fucking work at
Casey:it. We're told all the time how we should plan for everything in our lives, right?
Kari:Like your calendar out and plan this. for your kids and your schedule and what you're going to eat for the week. But are you going on Tuesday? I'm going to give him head on Wednesday. He's going to finger me on Friday. We're going to watch porn together. You absolutely can do that. But it's so rare for us to actually plan out to be intimate. And it's super important. We talk a lot about date nights. Yes. We talk a lot about continuing to date your partner. And that goes with exactly what you're saying. Dating your partner doesn't mean, okay, I leave for work at nine and I'll be back home at seven and our engagement between nine and seven is minimal. Or, and we go from picked up the kids. What do you want for dinner? That is not a flirtatious behavior to be with a partner. That is how you find yourselves in the like cohabitant, you know, roommate, like. We're just experiencing life together. We're not living life together and the point in in all of this is to just fucking live Like I want to live my life with you. I don't want to just like no, this is it This is what we've experienced. No, like our relationship together
Casey:because we have priorities to our business and our kids You have a way, people are always talking about like work life balance and they always talk about the work side of things and the life side of things, but they don't ever touch on like the sexual side of that life, like the subset that is the life side of things. So it's, I mean,
Kari:we get it better than most, we have two different careers. We run this podcast. We have a child that just went into high school. We have another one that's well into elementary school. We have someone that moved in with us that we didn't plan to have them move in with us. Like we are no different. We struggle. We have life just the same as everyone else. And here we are pushing the fact to keep a relationship going. And the way to keep a relationship going is to constantly spice things up. Date your partner. Initiate. Fucking watch porn together.
Casey:I was gonna say, you said, send them porn that you want to try. And I know that a few listeners went, wait, what? That's a
Kari:touchy subject. It is. It can be and... If you've ever heard any of our episodes before, I had a very, very negative upbringing to porn. It was the fucking devil in my household. And it took us almost 10 years, even into our relationship for me to get comfortable with the concept of porn. But that is one aspect that has really elevated our relationship because it's been like, not only Am I horny and I can send this to him and I know that this is gonna get him horny And then now we're gonna have this conversation between back and forth Sometimes it'll be like I'm a sin do this and I need you to tell me your favorite part because motherfucker I need to know that you watched it and I want to know the part that you like the
Casey:most You know that I send that shit to you. Yes. Hey Watch this and like.
Kari:No, you'll send me like four and be like, which one was your favorite? I'm like, no, I gotta watch all that's an
Casey:evolution. Cause it started off with, with being like, here's something here. Now it's like. My favorite thing to do with Carrie is to be like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna do this. Like, we're not gonna be around each other today. I would love to send you something that would spark your arousal. Would you, like, here's your options of categories. Do you want to see male female? Do you want to see a threesome? Do you want to see an orgy?
Kari:And that is helpful because my mind will change
Casey:too. Do you want to see, like, girl on girl? Like, what, what would arouse you right now? And then she's like, ooh. This category arouses me like this, this would be hot right now. So I'm like, cool. And then, so I will go online and I'll go on Pornhub or something like that.
Kari:And try and find within those, like
Casey:there's it's a perimeter. It's like a system now it's like search bar, type it in, filter this link. And then be like, cool. This shit pops up, copy and paste. What? Carrie, check these out.
Kari:Yeah, because in all honesty, if you sent me a I've been like, what the fuck? You can't say
Casey:You can't say that. You
Kari:just said it though.
Casey:I'm gonna bleep them both out.
Kari:You can't say that. I thought this was uncensored. They're gonna be bleeped out, and if you wanna know what I said, just DM me. And I'll let you know what I said, but this conversation portion is still remaining. He's just.
Casey:You're just going
Kari:to bleep it out, but anyways, if you were to send me something that I didn't want to see, then that could then be like a turnoff for me. So I love that you like, you give me a category, you give me an area and then you ask what is it that you want to see? Because sometimes or most times actually my answers are different every single time. We've had the
Casey:conversation where people are engaging in this kind of stuff and it's like, Hey, what do you want? It's almost like the, what do you want to eat? Yeah, the responses. I don't fucking know.
Kari:Yeah. Don't tell me everything because then I don't know, like narrow it down a little
Casey:bit of options. Be like, Hey, here's these categories. What do you think? Actually, that sounds good. Let's do that. Yeah. So that one's good. But the biggest thing that we like to get across to our audience about pornography. Is that you're watching a Hollywood production. This is one of the things I think is a big misconception and a myth within the world. Mm-hmm. is people are like, well, you know, you're gonna watch porn and then that's what you want now out of our sex life. And these are the thing, all the things that you, I'm not gonna
Kari:do what they're doing on
Casey:there. Yeah. That's not how it really is. Yeah. And our, our argument to that is we agree with you. That's not how it really is. It's a
Kari:Hollywood production. You're, you're living a fantasy with your partner. You know what? People
Casey:sit down and watch movies like The Notebook. To have an emotional response, people sit down and watch horror movies to have an emotional response. People sit down and watch action movies to have a fucking emotional response, but they don't watch an action movie about a fucking soldier to go learn and how to be a soldier. Yeah, they do it because it's an entertainment factor. It arouses emotion within them. And pornography is the same thing. You sit down with your partner because it arouses you. And we are, we are told that we should suppress that sexuality and that arousing feeling and that it's wrong. There's shame behind it. When in reality you can leverage that arousal and bring it into your relationship in a very positive way.
Kari:And it does take confidence in your relationship. Don't think that you're a new relationship and all of a sudden send your partner porn without. No, like that has to be a set down. I are, how do you feel? It goes back to our three C's where you're like laying down consent to do so comfortability and figuring out what they want to see. So you're not sending them something that they want to see and then able to like kind of communicate aspects of what I just sent and what I would end up liking to see. As some of y'all know, we've gotten recently into Shibari play. And the other day I was like, I want you to send me something with Shibari. And immediately, like two seconds later, like I got like five Shibari, you know, but, but it did help. And then it was like. Allowing me to engage with him a fantasy. And it was just like sharing and like this, like connective thing that we now have together. So you want
Casey:to talk over time, which has been really cool. Cause And now it can be like, Hey, let's sit down and put some on and we're not immediately engaging that you're like, let's just sit here and watch this together and, and engage our arousal together and experience arousal comfortably and without boundaries, like without borders together. Yeah. And how cool is that to be able to
Kari:do? And then the same thing that like kind of earlier though, understand that as you put porn. Doesn't mean that it has to stay on until you finish. Yeah. You are allowed, as either partner, to communicate, Hey, this was really hot, it got us going, now I just want it to be us. Right. And that then is allowed. Everything in the bedroom is allowed, if you do the three C's. Everything's fucking allowed. If you communicate what you want, you have consent to do it, and there's comfortability within the space. You can do fucking anything with your partner.
Casey:Yeah, I think that so many people are, again, On a, on a, on a cultural level, specifically in, in the United States are presented the way that things are in quotes supposed to be in the bedroom. It's supposed to be A to B to C to D to I come. Right? Like, that, that is, that's very patriarchal. It's very like, it's, it's really fucked in my opinion. Yeah. Sex is portrayed in such a way that is like. It's arousal, penetration, climax, and that's all there is to it. There's not a lot of preaching in the mainstream of how sex can be whatever you design it to be. And there's so many people trying to tell you what it isn't or what it shouldn't be versus a number of people telling you what it is. Can be and what it could be. Yeah, and
Kari:that's why we're fucking should be like communicate man Like it's not hard to be on the same page What do you want your ideal sex life? Yeah, you have to want to so I think we answer these questions pretty fucking well We've done good. We've done good. I've enjoyed this episode. We're always open
Casey:to more inquiries. Dump your questions to us. Please.
Kari:We love these. Honestly, it's my favorite thing on a show is to answer questions. So
Casey:it definitely has an air to it because it allows us to do a deep dive into some of these things that we can't answer everyone because out of all the questions we get. It's like you see on like was a fucking Bruce Almighty sitting there typing on his fucking computer and just answering all these the prayers. Yeah, we can't answer everyone, but whenever we get enough questions on the same topic, we're able to compartmentalize them and deliver them in such a way that is. is direct, concise, and provide you guys with some great content. Yeah. So keep shooting them over to us. Yes. Remember that you reach out to us. Come with Casey at g
Kari:gmail. com. And then understand that we're about to have a website going. We are having a website launching party. Carrie has decided that she wants to do a website
Casey:launch party.
Kari:It is going to happen like. We will let you know. Yeah, we will let you know But this is something that we're very much working on. It's something that we want our viewers to be there for and That's it. I'm done.
Casey:I'm talking there it is. Well for another episode of come with Casey. I'm dr Casey Sanders and I am just Carrie and we'll see you next time