Cum With KC
Love Yourself for Kinktober
Let's talk masturbation! We're well into kinktober and we polled our listeners about how long it takes them to C*m when engaging in solo play. Some of the answers brought up some interesting conversation on this episode of Cum With KC
Let's talk masturbation! We're well into kinktober and we polled our listeners about how long it takes them to C*m when engaging in solo play. Some of the answers brought up some interesting conversation on this episode of Cum With KC
So we're what, like halfway? Almost halfway through kinktober.
Kari:Yes, I love kinktober. I
Casey:love kinktober. It's been fun, hadn't it? I've seen stuff online. I've been watching people that have been Participating there's like a list out there a few lists out there where they're supposed to like,
Kari:oh, so it's like this day Do this type of key? Yeah. Yeah, so it's like in a what do you call that the dang it? You're I know that's at the same fucking thing that you were trying to advent calendar You mean like our advent
Casey:calendar we do for for
Kari:Christmas? Why didn't we do that for this October first of
Casey:all? Why didn't we do that? Oh, I thought you were saying, why do we do that? Why didn't we do one? Because we are kinky every day. We don't need a list. We don't need a list to be kinky. We're just always on fun to participate
Kari:in though. But I think it's cool to have like a month that's designated towards kink. Kink is really important. I think it's something that individuals. Think is not for them. Like they hear that word kink and they're like, oh that's not for me well, they
Casey:immediately associate it with Abnormal then out there and different and that's a good thing The reality is is that with kink I guarantee you whatever you're into there's entire communities into the same fucking thing
Kari:and then there's no thing that you would be into that's Like weird or like
Casey:taboo. You might consider it weird or taboo, but you know what? There's another community out there that loves it for it. That's all. So while you may be able to not be able to sit down and talk about grandma you can definitely sit about and talk about it. Yeah. I don't know. You never know. Grandma might be a kinky bitch.
Kari:Listen here, boy. Come sit next to grandma. Let me tell you the real kinks. It'll be like,
Casey:we'll be that whenever we're old. I
Kari:was just about to say that. I'm like, so what are you going to
Casey:be? How's your sex life? Are you being protective? Are you getting STI checks regularly?
Kari:Mom, I don't want to go to grandma's house. She makes me talk about sex.
Casey:She pulled out her dildo collection. That will be us one day. Yeah. So we've been, we've been enjoying Kinktober so far. It's been really, really fun seeing all of the people online who do participate in some of the challenges and they're posting and they're getting closer with their partners and they're doing all
Kari:this stuff. Isn't that kind of what it's about though? Like you can have your own personal kinks and that's totally fine. But sharing your kinks with your partner, I really feel like that's. I mean, I don't feel like that's what this month is about, but I feel like it's a great way to get your own like self confidence into telling your partner what it is that you are into. And again, like whenever you explore these kinks with yourself, you can, and yes, you can explore kinks solo. But you also get to learn a lot about yourself, and then when you open up and share that with your partner, you get to learn a lot about your partner. You
Casey:get a boost in self confidence by sharing these things with your partner. You get a deeper connection by sharing these things with your partner. You open yourself up vulnerably to a whole new level of sexual interaction with your partner whenever you sit down and discuss these things.
Kari:Yeah, and in all honesty, I do feel like this is the perfect like segue over to our topic today. Which
Casey:I don't want to go there yet. Why not? I'm enjoying talking about kinks.
Kari:Well, then you should have let this episode be about kinks Cuz I done tried and you
Casey:said no, we've been having so much fun. We're enjoying it. So now we can go to our
Kari:top like you're saying like that like Exploration within yourself and then with your partner. That's why I was thinking like this actually really leads very well into the topic that we want to discuss today,
Casey:which is if you've been following along with us, you probably you would be able to do this really quickly. We sent out a question a few days ago. To our loyal fans and followers asking how long it takes them and here we don't have to be filtered like we do online. How long does it take you to come when you play with yourself? Whenever you masturbate, how long does it take you to come? I was expecting there to be like a few answers scattered here and there, but we had a, we had a
Kari:wave. We had so many people answer that it like timed us out. So where we had to repost it so people could then go back through and answer.
Casey:We had massive and it was all over the board. Everything from, you know, a minute or two to 45 to, it depends on my head space to, it depends on if I medicated that day. To not at all. Yeah. To never have I ever came by myself, which is, I know, right. I want to sit down and have a conversation because we want to talk to you. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but more along the lines of. Ask you the simple question of, is that something you want to achieve?
Kari:And like, why have it, if it's just not for you, that's totally different. But if you like, feel like it's not for you. And so it was really interesting to again, go through and see those different responses. I'll be honest. I threw a response in there. Mine was like two minutes in and out done. Thank you. Wham, bam. Thank you, ma'am. But but it was cool to see the different variations in responses, but then it's also interesting. That I still feel like that response or that question was a little taboo for some I had people. How dare
Casey:you ask me? Yeah, but I masturbate and how long it takes me to come.
Kari:Yeah, even on my personal page I had a few people message me and say like I was too afraid to answer on there and I was like well First of all, it's anonymous. Yeah, first of all, it's anonymous. It
Casey:doesn't I mean we'll see but yeah Maybe you don't want anyone to see period Yeah,
Kari:but I did have two different people that I know that messaged me and was like, Oh, I didn't want to respond to that. But here's my response. Yeah. So, but that did kind of make me think like, if you're too afraid to be anonymous within this, then like. That fear has gotta go a little bit further. And so I just wanna like dive into masturbation. Mm-hmm. and getting people to understand that self-exploration is one of the best ways to then communicate your sexual needs to someone else. If you
Casey:want to have better sex, masturbate, having sex with yourself because that's what you're doing. Yeah. Let's be upfront about that real quick. You are engaging in sex with yourself is the. Best way for you to have better sex with a partner. If you know what pleases you, if you know how you like to be touched, if you know where your sensitive areas are, you can easily communicate that to a partner by saying, here's
Kari:what gets me off. What I like because everyone's genitals are different and not just in the way that they look and then they feel and whatever, but in the way that they want to be touched and again, if you're not exploring that. Then how can you really fully communicate that with your park
Casey:and why are you not exploring it? Are you not exploring it? Because I mean, let's face it. A lot of us grew up in a generation that shamed masturbation. There was a minority of people who said you should masturbate. That's a healthy practice. There's also a large group of people that said you're
Kari:gonna get to marry palms if you
Casey:masturbate, you know Interestingly enough there was I remember what book I was going through but it was talking about the myth Like where the myth came from of you're going to go blind if you masturbate and it's perpetuated along the same timeline of whenever the catalog serial came around. Really? Yeah. So remember there's that whole old adage that they first developed. I don't remember what serial it was, but they first developed that serial to move people away from sexuality too. So they wouldn't masturbate.
Kari:Yeah. Cause eating plain cereal just really kills your libido.
Casey:But along those same lines, that was around, that was around the time that they were, I don't remember if it was the same doctor or who it was, but that was perpetuating the lie that if you masturbate you have a higher. I just don't get it. It depends on your views, your political, your religious, all of your views. And,
Kari:yeah, because I do think that's interesting
Casey:because I remember... We're in Western culture, we're in America, we're not exactly coming to a land where you know, sexual openness is the... At the forefront of society,
Kari:I know, but I guess I'm just wondering like, why, and like, why, why was it so taboo? Why would, why did they say your palms were going to grow hair on them? Like just anything to get people to not do it. Like it's so interesting
Casey:to me. I think they're coming from a lot of misconceptions and a lot of misdirections. There was a time, especially whenever we look and it is on it from a biblical standpoint. Whenever you have things like the, the iterations of the Bible that came out, the King James version that was discussing things, which became a negotiation with society where the authoritarians within the church were saying, this is what it means. And so whenever they were saying, Hey, don't masturbate because it's a bad thing you're committing a sin. What can we do to prevent boys from masturbating? The problem they were running into is that. Masturbation is a natural part of human evolution and development. It's, it's just, it's a natural thing that we've evolved to do.
Kari:Can I throw you for a loop and ask you why the fuck is it called masturbation? I don't fucking know. Sometimes I'm asking these just like obscure questions and he just knows. And then other times not so much. But that was something I was thinking. I was like, why is it called masturbation? I don't know what you want to Google it real quick.
Casey:I
Kari:got a phone right there. You go and chat away while I
Casey:Google. I was already on a, I was already on a nice rant about how we live. We do live in a society that has traditionally shunned masturbation, at least up until the last. You know, 50 years or so, but even, even then going further back into that, it was seen as something that was bad. It was seen as a sin and don't do it. How can prevent people from doing it? So they came up with whatever they could, whatever they could, whatever means they could to make sure that boys were not going to match, but you should have seen some of the products that have come out. In the past. And we're not going to dive into it, but it's like Google early 1900s or even the 1800s and Google devices to prevent masturbation. Oh, dude. Those are intense. There's, there's a lot of them out there. So check that out and then go, Oh, that's, that's what's going on there. So yeah, masturbation had been traditionally seen especially in, in Western
Kari:culture. Is literally what I'm reading is it's Manis, which means hand, which turned into the earlier phrase of master. And then the. Part of the word is to defile. So to defile with your hand.
Casey:Oh
Kari:my God. I love that.'cause that not just explains everything that we just talked about,
Casey:to defile yourself with. I'm not masturbating and defiling myself with my hand. Like,
Kari:that's so interesting.
Casey:So I'm calling it that from now on I'm gonna go and are you, I'm gonna go myself hands.
Kari:No, that is super interesting because I mean, babies masturbate, right? Like if you go down to the core of like, before you have guilt, before you have shame, before you know anything that you think is doing is wrong, babies fucking master.
Casey:Yeah. There's, there's evidence from from sonography. Showing babies masturbating within the womb but it's not like a, I'm doing this for pleasure thing. It's a lot of it has to do with the reflexes and things like that. But yes, there's evidence that the babies actually masturbate in the womb. And then from the time that they're born all the way up for the rest of their life, you're masturbating. But for some reason we're told that you shouldn't do it. That's not an okay thing. That is a shameful act. When in reality, masturbation, as we said, It's one of the best ways you can learn about pleasure. It's about learning yourself. It's about self confidence. It's about consent for yourself. It's about learning what pleases you. So you can communicate that to future partners. That is our official standpoint. I
Kari:mean, even if you go to like health benefits of masturbating, you can't sleep. Masturbate. Depressed? Masturbate. Hungry? No, I'm just kidding. Bored?
Casey:Masturbate. Bored? Masturbate. Are you doing it ten times a day and ignoring all your work? Seek help.
Kari:But, but at the same time, like, it, pardon me. It's just really interesting that we are in like today's age and I was really shocked to hear that like I don't at all and one of the people that did message me separately. That's what they said to I don't masturbate at
Casey:all. And you kind of want to know why it does spark curiosity for someone to be like, okay, well, you don't masturbate. Is this due to someone being perhaps asexual? Is this due to someone having a sexual narrative that they grew up with in which they have this internalized shame that masturbation is not okay. And so they are disgusted by it or drawn away from it. Do they see the act as dirty? Like what's going on? I, I need to know. I know.
Kari:I, I need to, I, I need, I need someone to answer these questions for me because it's so interesting. Cause I, I like, I literally from as long as I can remember. I masturbated from as long as I can remember. I don't remember a time that I didn't. I know
Casey:we've had this discussion before about like at what age each of us started doing it. And I think that I had said my earliest memory of actual masturbation was shit like seven, eight years old. Yeah. Somewhere in there. It was really early. So does
Kari:someone tell you to use a sock or is that just something that all boys do naturally?
Casey:See, this is the seer statement that you set up all boys use socks to masturbate. That's not true. There's no like secret code that you're like. There's a fucking story comes out where someone's like, Come socks. And now everyone's like, oh, that's what buyers do, they jack off in socks. Jack off in socks. No. I mean,
Kari:I think it's the same like, concept of like. All girls when they're younger and they masturbate, they like grabbing a cucumber. No, I was going to go the opposite way and like on a pillow or something like
Casey:rubbing on a pillow or something like that. There's plenty of ways to learn how to do it. And that's one of the poor things about sex education that we have is that we're not actually taught what's safe and healthy and what's. Probably not sanitary.
Kari:I think the very first time that I ever talked to anyone about masturbation I was in high school and it was a group of friends and we're all at like a party and they were talking about masturbating and me being who I am now. Even then I was silent. Like I didn't say a fucking word, but they're all talking about like all those different ways that they masturbate. And I remember thinking like, okay, I'm hearing talk about masturbating and I'm hearing the things that they do. And, and it's what I do to masturbate. And it was like the sigh of relief that like. I'm not alone! I'm normal! I do it the same way they do! And it's so interesting, because even then, like, being sex positive the way that I was, and it's... And an aspect of my life, I just remember even in that moment, being like too afraid to speak up or too afraid to say, yes, I do it too. And I do think that that is shifting. I think that people are starting to become more comfortable with it. I hope, I think people are starting to like, kind of have that conversation and understand it better. And
Casey:part of the driving factors behind that is how open is, are you seeing it depicted in movies and TV? Like whether we like it or not, that is a source for the world to kind of shift perspective, at least general society, the fact that that's true, but it's true. We see the conversations begin to be had on fictional TV shows between characters and we relate to that and it makes us feel more comfortable and then before you know it, you have a friend that also watched the show and now you're like, hey, listen, they were talking about masturbation. Do you masturbate very often? And then now you're having an open conversation and you're both like, Holy shit. Why have we never talked about this before? So there's many factors that affect the way that we actually have these open discussions, but that's for me is probably one of the main ones. You see it start to be talked about in movies and TV.
Kari:But like I said, it does need to be. And I also think it's something that if you have kids, it's really important for you to talk to your kids about. Yes. I mean, we, we have, we have a teenager,
Casey:we have a teenager and
Kari:a preteen, and we have a, she likes to say she's preteen, you're 10 slow down, but I mean, we have a teenager and we have, we, we keep,
Casey:we have the viewpoint that we keep an open conversation, anything that you want to know. Hey, listen, this is what's okay. And then we approach the conversation, we engage and
Kari:initiate conversation. It's not just like, come to us. Cause you're not, they're not going to just come to you. Right.
Casey:It is our job. I don't know how many children that are gonna be like, you know what? I'm going to go ask my parents about the best way to jerk off. Masturbating. So I was in the tub the other day. And
Kari:yeah. But it, it is something that it, as a parent, it is your job. It is your job to talk to your kids about what it means to masturbate and that it is okay. Like we really have to flip this mindset as far as like, Oh, I'm the parent. I can't talk to my kid about that. No, you have to, you need to, they need that. And they need to have this like adult figure. Helping them understand their body as it evolves
Casey:and understand this. This is probably my favorite fact about my favorite, and this is capital F fact about masturbation. People that masturbate more have sex more often. People that masturbate more have better sex more often. Those are truths. This is not something where you're in a relationship. You're like, well, if my partner is masturbating, then they're not going to want me. That's actually not the case. It's the opposite. It helps to drive their arousal. The regular interaction of that sexual function helps to drive arousal and drive attraction. So trust me, if your partner is masturbating, it's a good thing.
Kari:Yeah. Do not be offended by your partner masturbating. Which is a big
Casey:conversation that you should have in your relationship of being like, Hey. Listen, how often do you masturbate? How do you like to masturbate? Do you like to watch porn while you masturbate? Do you like to use your imagination? Like, figure it
Kari:out. Do you like to use toys? Do you like to use your hands? Do you, like, what, what do you need? What do you use? Like, all of those things are beneficial.
Casey:The last thing a partner needs is to be like, In their bedroom or something and starting to masturbate, but in the back of their head, like, Oh shit, what if my partner walks in? Are they home? Is it? Did I hear the car? It's like, you should be able to feel
Kari:safe and comfortable. You know how excited you would be if you walked in on me
Casey:masturbating? Oh yeah, for sure. I'd be like, no, by all means continue. I'm going to grab a bowl of popcorn. I'm going to pull up a chair. Pull up a chair, sit down here, pour a glass.
Kari:Which also leads to another thing. What's that? Masturbating in front of your partner. That's
Casey:a really good one too. That one is a great way to break through self confidence issues because the first time you've, you ever do it in front of your partner, it's almost like, okay, I'm being watched. Yeah. So
Kari:you're like trying to look sexy while you do it.
Casey:Give yourself permission to
Kari:just be natural. Yeah. Just be natural. Do it the way that you would have. No one was watching, but also like, I don't know about that.
Casey:You don't know how I masturbate alone. I don't. I might have like one leg on the top of a chair.
Kari:I'm just curious, your face when you reach
Casey:around from the back,
Kari:sitting on your arm for a while until it goes numb
Casey:and then going at it, the old stranger, you don't know how I masturbate.
Kari:I don't actually, I, we're doing this now. I mean, have we ever done that? You've watched me masturbate, but I don't think I've ever watched,
Casey:you've watched me masturbate. I've seen you videos of me masturbating. That's very
Kari:true, but it's not in person, it's not in person, but also speaking of
Casey:which you're welcome to sit in the corner quietly, providing words of encouragement. You got this. I'm so proud of you. You know what I like to do is I
Kari:twist. You really should be touching your balls right now. Can I just help you a little bit? No. All
Casey:right. I recognize that face. What you want to do next.
Kari:But it is important to not only masturbate and, and, and yes, masturbate in front of your partner, but it was something that you had like slightly said, which brought me into a top had also recently discussed on our
Casey:You must not be going off on some fucking
Kari:tangent. No, it's, it's a small one. It's a small, medium, medium. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. I am. No edging,
Casey:edging. Oh yeah, we had, we just talked
Kari:about that. We were talking about that earlier. If you follow our Instagram again, it's CWKC underscore official. Because our last page was removed. So if you are a listener and it's not following our Instagram, go over and do that now, but we made a post about edging and edging and masturbation to me can similarly go like hand in hand. And it's one thing that like. Like I actually personally love to do that there will be times that if I know that like me and Casey really want to Be sexual that night and maybe I'm not like fully into the mood Edging yourself is a great way. Would you like to go ahead and explain edging?
Casey:Just yeah, sure Cuz first of all, I'm gonna go and coincide you I do that same thing Yeah, I know that we're gonna be intimate later that night and we're gonna have still have a little fun. Yeah Throughout the day throughout build yourself up. Yep, like And that's, again, one of the favorite things to do is edging. So, if you don't know, it's so, such a familiar topic nowadays. But if you do not know, edging is either using yourself or a partner to build you up right to the edge of Climax. Whenever I say right to the edge, I mean just about as close as you can get. That's why it's the edge. Without going over. Which also takes, if you're doing this to yourself, takes some, like, self restraint. Because you're just like, I'm gonna come, but I really want to. I really want to, but I'm not. I'm not. I'm gonna. Hands off! Laughter. But you, you do that and then you do that again and you do that again and again for as many times as you like what it does, the benefits that you have of that is it actually is going to, because you're stimulating all the nervous structures in there over and over again, they're going to stay sensitive. Yeah, they may reduce a little bit, but it's going to be a lot easier later to get them to react to that sensitivity as well as, so it'll increase the intensity of your orgasm. It'll increase the what's the word I'm looking for it over, you know, it just makes everything better. Let's just go with that. Fuck it. It just makes your entire orgasmic experience better. And even the act of like, if you're having sex or oral or whatever sexual activity you're participating in, it makes it that much more intense because you've prepped. Those structures. So that does include not only the nervous structures, but the, but all the blood vessels in the area that I have every time you're edging yourself, remember they're expanding out and they're allowing for more blood flow. They're allowing for that increased blood flow. So now it's just already prepped and ready to go. So by the time you are engaging, it's like, it's rock hard. Well, vulvas are, are wet and ready and erections are
Kari:a plenty. There are times where I get to just be, you know, home by myself. And that is definitely something that I, I will do. Like it's, it's masturbation is taking a little bit of time out of your day, doing something like that. And then like you said, like having that mind or that like restraint to not come. And then you'll see like when actually you're then being intimate with your partner later on. It is, it's so much more intensified, so, so, so much more
Casey:intensified, but you can, you can use it. Yes. That was something that we had on some of our responses. I like that. We're going over a lot of these responses. Cause we also had some messages that were, that had asked us a couple of questions about things in terms of these responses, you know, why does it take me? 30, 45 minutes to come whenever it takes somebody else two minutes. I mean, there's a number of factors that go into play there, but the number one is, is going to be, for me at least, it's going to be what what is your, your mindset going into this? Are you already aroused and you are able to kind of zone in on your pleasure and concentrate on that? Or is your mind like. I got fingers inside myself, but I'm also wondering if the laundry was done and I'm also wondering, do I need to get this shit for work done? And I'm
Kari:also wondering. Yeah, you definitely have to set the tone for your own time for masturbation. Like you're saying you can have distractions. Like I'm not going to masturbate if I have like a house full of people and things are crazy and my mind can't settle. Like that's not the time. Sneak upstairs and rub one out. I mean, sometimes you need to, I swear to God,
Casey:but it sounds like a very de stress, you're wearing a de stressor right before Thanksgiving dinner.
Kari:Guys, I'll be right back. Just wash your hands. You wash your hands as well. No, but like, but you're right though. Like what you're saying is you do need to set the tone. And if you can't be someone that can just like go off real quick. And masturbate and come back. You need a little bit more of that. Like setting then set it up fine. Just romanticize
Casey:yourself, schedule it, set some time for yourself,
Kari:make it sexy,
Casey:put on some fun background music, set the tone. I mean, like read some spicy audio books. So
Kari:Casey, what is your like, what, no, but honestly, what is your preferred way? Like. Yeah. Or can you just like, nah, I can just go upstairs and do it. Or if you have a really busy day, does that get in your way?
Casey:If, if I'm going to, I'll probably just find a five to 10 minute window, right. And just be like, all right, we'll make time for this. Good news is you've got fucking technology on your phone right now. So you don't exactly have to go and sit up and set yourself a little area or anything like that. So no, my preferred way is if I have a five, 10 minute window in my day and I'm feeling particularly aroused or I'm. Like, honestly, if I need to take a break or I just can't get into a mindset, I'm feeling like low energy and all that, I'll go upstairs and put something on the TV or on my phone and just have a quick runoff and be back down and get back to work. But I think it's
Kari:important to realize that you can separate out times in your day or separate out like emotions that you're feeling or frustrations that you're having. And give yourself self pleasure. Yes, there's nothing wrong with that. Correct. I mean, it, it did take me a while to connect like masturbating with de stressing or masturbating because growing up it was like a lot of times. Honestly, I did it because I had trouble sleeping at a lot of trouble sleeping growing up, like the worst fucking insomnia ever. And that was one way that I discovered if I masturbate, then I get tired after that. Yeah. And so that was one. And, and a lot of times I also kind of just equated it to that. It wasn't until I got older that I actually started like masturbating almost for pleasure and then like throughout the day or at times when I just like needed to, but I don't know. I think, I think it's important. I think it's really, you can leverage
Casey:it for your health. Like, I mean, it's, we, we bring this shit up all the time, like you do so many things. There's so many trends where people are like, I'm going to fucking jump in an ice bath for the next five minutes. And that's the best thing that I can do to help regulate my nervous system. And here's all these things I'm going to try to do. I'm going to eat this. I'm going to do this exercise. I'm going to perform this. I'm going to do that. And right.
Kari:And we take all our time out of the day to think of all these crazy ass things that we can do. My
Casey:part, like, Hey man, make some happy chemicals, take a couple of minutes, go masturbate. Regulate the nervous system a little bit, dump out some happy chemicals into your, into your bloodstream and go about your day. Here's a little burst of something. Enjoy it. You deserve it. Go touch
Kari:yourself. So how would you approach a situation if there was a partner that did not want their partner to masturbate? So
Casey:this is. This goes beyond masturbation, honestly this goes further into an early on relationship conversation that should be had around boundaries. So the masturbation conversation should be approached delicately, especially if it's someone that's like, I don't want my partner masturbating. It's not that there's a problem with your partner. I'm going to make that very clear. This is we talked about this before, right? Me and you have, is that one of the biggest reasons people go into couples therapy in the first place is because one partner thinks there's a problem with the other partner. The reality is, is that there's not a problem with the other partner. It's a conversation only to have. And perhaps the person that doesn't want their partner to masturbate needs their thoughts and feelings and work to maybe alter their perspective around the act in the first place. We've already established that masturbation is natural. We've established that masturbation is healthy and it can be beneficial to a person and their sex life. To me, if you're still saying, well, I don't want them to masturbate. I need to ask you, what is your personal issue with masturbation? It's going to be a number of answers that can be given. Somebody might be, somebody might be under the impression that if their partner's masturbating, it means they don't want them. Yeah. That's a whole nother fucking conversation. And
Kari:that is honestly what I hear the most.
Casey:Yeah. Then that means that they don't want me.
Kari:Now, I will say if your partner's masturbating, but not having sex with you, That's a discussion. That's that. That's a discussion. We call these
Casey:variables.
Kari:Oh, for sure. For sure. But, but masturbation again, it is very healthy. It's very normal. And it is a discussion. I mean, obviously now we're so past that. Topic, but you and I never would have thought to sit down and have a discussion on, on boundaries and masturbation. When we first started dating,
Casey:we never, we didn't have a proper education around what that should, what those relationship conversations should look like, which is why we tell our listeners why we tell our clients, Hey, your early conversations around sex and your relationship should cover a wide array of topics, including setting boundaries and including having things about, you know, like, Hey Do you masturbate? Okay. Well, yes, I do. I like to masturbate. I do it X times, X amount of times per week or X amount of times per day, depending on the kind of person they are. Okay. Well, do you use visual stimulation during, are you somebody that watches porn or are you somebody that doesn't watch porn? That it becomes a whole, a whole nother level. And we have these layers that need to be added on. And every single layer has to be addressed because it is about that is how you develop and set boundaries within your relationship. Remember a boundary is not just about once you enter into a committed and this we're going to just, for example, use committed monogamous relationships for this which are some of the most restrictive relationships that exist. Is that what happens is you sit down to have the conversation and you're developing boundaries based upon these various layers. Yeah, so
Kari:well, and part of that too is you know, again, I, I get the fortunate enough opportunity to talk to a lot of women and I just kind of bring sex up often and another one that I've heard fairly frequently is. I don't care if he masturbates, but I don't want to masturbate into porn, which at a standpoint I, I get it. I have grown a lot as an individual and when Casey and I first met, I felt that way. I had, I remember that I had a very negative mindset to porn, but that was, that's because the way I grew up. Porn was like all but banished in my household. If you watched porn, you were disgusting. You were inhuman. How dare you? So you watched it cause problems. Yeah, and a lot of problems. I mean, huge problems, huge problems. And, and so I grew up in that mindset and you and I had over it. Yeah. And it wasn't until we really started to open up and, and talk about our sexuality. And, and I understood that my partner is not Looking at those women in hopes that that's what I was, or looking at those women in hopes that he was then with them. It's not about that. Porn isn't about that. Our
Casey:capacity for arousal. This is, this is one of my biggest points to get through to anybody. Cause I just talked about this. I was doing a writing a blog post earlier on on role playing and that is that. God, this is going to go back to those restrictive relationships that we are taught that you're supposed to seek out one person and you're only supposed to have eyes for them and their, their emotional set that they're currently at and their physical set they're currently at, and that's now you're attractive. That's not the way we're wired at all. People have the capacity to be aroused and attracted to a wide variety of, of various, of various people and things and all sorts of stuff. And by saying, well, we're in a relationship now, you must only have eyes for me is one thing. You can set those boundaries. If you're going to be in a monogamous relationship, great. That's awesome for you. Fully, fully respect that. However, we're now dealing in the land of fantasy. This is visual. This is not my husband or my wife is interacting with someone. They're not going and sleeping with someone else. They're literally watching an arousing piece of material. It's a piece of content, a fucking screen. It's a goddamn fantasy land. It is the same, the same way we've talked about movies in the past, where they're meant to evoke emotion. And you sit and you, you are somebody that sits and watch dramas all the time because you love the way that it gets you teared up and you love
Kari:horror movies because you love the thrill of it. You love the excitement. You love being scared. Yeah. I mean, you're experiencing
Casey:arousal and emotion and you're getting connected to it on some way. So to make the assumption that just because your partner is doing, that means that they want you less doesn't line up. And,
Kari:and, and, and I want to see if. If you can't move past it, then make porn together, make it together and let it be something that they watch. There's ways to compromise around it, but the, and I, and I will tell y'all because I, I have had people, we've talked about this in the past about my note of porn. And now, like we've watched porn together all the time, it shifted. When, honestly, Casey, when, when you had said that to me, like these people are not who I want. I want you. This is not an act of like, I'm viewing this because this is what gets me off. And it's the only thing that can, it's just a bonus. And then we started watching it together. I think that's what really helped kind of flip that mindset and it, and, and also it took time. For me to, to be comfortable, but I wanted to be comfortable with it. So the more we did it, the more we talked about it, the more I was exposed to it, the more comfortable I became. And now literally yesterday you sent me a porn. Hey, watch this. Sent you three yesterday, yesterday, you know,
Casey:and that was, that's a fun story. That was with you, with you being like, Hey, you know, this is how I'm feeling. I'm pretty aroused today. We're not going to be around each other. So I. You know, we'll got consent from you. Hey, I'd love to send you something real
Kari:quick. As any time he'd never just like, blah, there's a port. No, it's may I send you this for, for my pleasure mass and do this. I would love to send you
Casey:something. We're being flirtatious. We're having fun, but we're not going to be around each other. And I know that how I feel, the arousal that I feel, and I know, and I'm certain we've talked about it, that you feel arousal like this too. So I get, I get the consent. Hey, I'd love to send you something. To watch while, while I'm not here. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.
Kari:And he'll do the same to me. And sometimes it'll be an ask, like. Hey have you found a porn recently that you really liked that you would like to share it with me or could you send me something, you know, today or whatever. And there are times where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna send you something and maybe it is going to be me taking a video masturbating and sending it to him. I'm like, ah, surprise. Or maybe it would be three hot girls fucking. I don't know, but like it really did open up our minds to what we can do together when we started to understand. Our pleasure apart,
Casey:yes, engaging in pleasurable activities while not around each other and how we can, how we can access each other's arousal. And that was, that's a lot of fun to do now. Now we sit back and I do love it because we'll sit and be like, Oh, I'm going to send you this. I've got a permission. You're like, God damn, that's hot. Yeah. Like, wow, that's
Kari:great. Or it will be like a few days later and I'll be like, Hey, remember that third one that you sent me? I just masturbated to it. And then it just kind of brings up this whole other level of like. Arousal again, you know, like all those a few days ago, but Hey, here's this reminder. I think I did that too this morning, you know, and you're like, okay, yeah, that's
Casey:hot. And then there's times where it's a flat out. It's just like, no, you'll have times where we're together in the bedroom and we'll be like, Hey, you know, do you want to put something on the TV and have sex and be like, just us tonight.
Kari:Yeah. Okay. Cool. And then that's the thing too, though. And it's something that I really respect of you is because Casey will ask. And then if I'm, if I'm not in the mood for it, then I can just say that and it's no harm, no foul. Like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. So if, if you're a partner and your partner tells you no. Learn, learn how to hear. No, it's okay. Don't act, but hurt about it. Like,
Casey:don't let it ruin your night. Don't let it like just gets y'all pissed off or anything. Just it's, it's just a no right
Kari:now because there are definite times where. I'm not feeling it and I don't have to, and you respect that. And then there are times where I'm like, put it on, let's put it on. Let's do this. Lock the door. Let's do this. There's
Casey:no one home tonight. Let's have some fun. Those
Kari:are the best times. Truthfully, those are the best times. But
Casey:so that was a nice little rant on porn. But let's talk about, let's talk about how people masturbate because There's a few different ways.
Kari:Yes, we're girls. I, we have, it's so much easier than
Casey:y'all. How's that?
Kari:Hands, toys, vibrators, like you'll have a lot. We have a lot. We got, y'all have a very open list. We got. Like I said, we got 30 different vibrators that we can choose from. That's the ones
Casey:that look like, like dragon tails and I still want
Kari:one of those. God, those are insane. They're those like alien ass looking ones. Yeah. It's so interesting. I
Casey:want one
Kari:I went to like cosplay, like an alien
Casey:girl, We were, I mean we were in in our local shop the other day and they had a glass case that had these that were just like, Multicolored with tentacles and we're like, look like all these creature esque. They're very, very special effects looking. Yes. And you can look at them and go, I'm curious.
Kari:I mean, I want one now,
Casey:but yes Volvo owners tend to have a lot, a lot wider access, but I also, if I've said this before, I also think that it's due to the fact that typically on the feminine side, people love. Accessorizing they love variety. They love choice. They love different colors and shapes and I want one for every occasion and all this kind of stuff. And I feel like a lot of more masculine guy, like the guy side of things are more of that, like simplistic. Just give me something to fuck, which is unfortunate because I'm on the, I'm on the opinion. I'm envious of you guys. I want all the selection. I want to have all sorts of stuff. Like, well, I can be like, wow, that's cool. How can we interact with this thing? But instead it's no, they focus more on like the pro models. Yeah. I always call them pro model masturbators because it's like, Ooh, here's this famous porn star and here's a mold of her pussy. Which is,
Kari:I, I hate, I hate, hate, hate to use the word weird in anything sexual because nothing is weird, but I wonder who like started that. Like, I know what a guy wants, a mold of a vagina. And not just any vagina. I mean we
Casey:used to see that on back, like way back in real sex days too. Is that they would go on and they would do molds of vaginas. I remember them like
Kari:showing how they did that. Yeah. Yeah. It's just.
Casey:Someone realized there's a market for it to be, I mean, whenever you get porn stars that become really famous and they have videos everywhere, have a large group of people who are like, you know what, this person put out a mold of their vagina, I would totally take it home with me.
Kari:Is there a porn star that you would want a mold out of?
Casey:No, no, no, no, no. No, that's never been a big thing for me. It's fair. Like I don't need the pro model. Same thing. Well because I also, The same thing, well hold on, same thing with like, you know, skateboarding or anything like that. Those are cool models, like I love the fact that the pros have their own of them, but I'm not like rushing out to the store to be like, I have to have this one. Yeah. I'm not trying to go get the fucking Eric Costin pro model deck. I'm not trying. Deck or dick? Deck. Oh. Pro athletes start molding their. Yeah. Yeah.
Kari:There'll be a market for it somewhere, I swear. I'm sure there would.
Casey:I'm sure. But that, I mean, that is a draw. Yeah. You see, you see guys do that around everything, right? Ooh, I need to get the fuckin football jersey with my favorite athlete's name on it. Gotta get that one. Gotta get the stitched jersey with the name on it. I got to get the pro model of this and the pro model of that. So they just did the same thing with the vaginas. Let's get the pro model. Who's who are the most famous ones? And let's make bulls out of them, which is why companies like fleshlight have done so, so well and have grown so much because that's what they are known for. Yeah.
Kari:I do like those machine ones that you've seen lately, whether you have to like the double handed. You know, that
Casey:was, those are intense. I know you sent me the video. There was a video that Kerry sends me of because we had talked about like different types of masturbators and what we might get in case to me that sends me this video. And it's this device that sits on your lap that has buttons on it. It looks like a fucking flight controller for an airplane. Honestly, huge. And it's got you stick, whatever you're, you know, whatever masturbate you have inside it, and then you use the controls to make it speed up or slow down, moving up and
Kari:down, up and down, and then it'll like twist and go up and down and then it has a spot for your phone, right? That's
Casey:what's the best part. It had a phone, right? Literally like a phone on the front
Kari:of it. So you can just. I mean, I just imagine like laying back phone there, like, like a straw in the mouth and like a guy just all day, not moving all day, all
Casey:day, not moving. That sounds painful. That sounds painful. That sounds, that would be great for like a dominatrix to do, strap somebody to the bed
Kari:there and you come this many times.
Casey:No, not like I would. I mean, strap them to the bed and force it. What is he going to do? He's strapped to the bed. Now I'm putting it on there. I'm gonna make it go again and again, and again, and again, and again, that either hurt yet refractory period, period, but didn't do this until you use your safe word, so might as well get used to
Kari:it. I don't know. But then there's that one that we found that just weirded me out. The one that had the teeth, that was
Casey:too much. That was, yeah, that was, that was a little, that was a little much. It was a, it was a molded mouth. That had the lips and everything which okay, that's fine. That's all well and good. They're trying to make it more realistic. I'm sure But then you open it up and it has teeth Was literally plat like plat like lined with this polyurethane teeth on the inside of it and it had a tongue And like it was it was literally it was a mouth It was a straight up mouth and that kind of makes you go. I mean, I Understand what you're trying to do. Mm hmm, but it's a bit odd. It was just open it up. It's just
Kari:teeth I was like, okay, I'm so sorry. There are things within sexuality that I need to take serious. Yeah. In order for me to be aroused. Yes. And I could not
Casey:take that serious. And if we were to use something like that together, you, I would just laugh. You would just laugh the entire time. I'm
Kari:so mature. I would just laugh. I would intentionally try to make it to easy. You, you know,
Casey:But there is, there is. In terms of the market for sex toys, I, we have, in the last recent couple of years seen the market for male masturbators growing and they're coming out with some, you know, better looking stuff and more high tech stuff and stuff that doesn't look so fucking hulky. And like I would need to store somewhere in a storage unit. Yeah. So, I mean, we, we had had people talk on our questions about the use of toys, the use of assistants and things like that. I was surprisingly, I guess we didn't ask, how do you masturbate? We just asked how long it takes, but we know that for the majority of people, for the majority of Volvo owners, it is going to be through clitoral stimulation.
Kari:I mean, that's me personally. As far as like. Any type of like insertion. I don't really, I don't get off from that. Not personally. If you do it, that's vastly different, but
Casey:I don't get off when I do it. Which is an interesting factoid. It's like, Hey, you know what? If I'm touching myself, it needs to be clitoral stimulation. But if you're doing it, then it's penetrative.
Kari:See, there's so many. I know. It's so weird for me. Like, I don't think it's weird at all. That's fair. That's fair. But yeah, no, for, for me personally, there is no me fingering myself. It's going to make me come. I'm not, I'm just not. But again, clitoral. Yes. But yeah, if we're doing like we're having intercourt all, all day long, all day long, all day long, but
Casey:yeah. But we had some, I mean, we had some good responses. We, we, we got to learn a little bit more about masturbation. If, if you haven't listened to our previous episode, because we have done one before on masturbation, which was more about like ways in which you can do it, different lubricants that you can use, like different positions and techniques. And then that oh, so famous mirror technique for those who don't masturbate, who are wanting to start or who have always found shame or who thinks things like their vulvas are ugly. We have gone over different ways that you can kind of introduce yourself into that whole world, because as we've said before, what you see in porn is not reality. So whenever you're seeing all of these girls on screen who are being Photoshopped, who are having. Labiaplasties to make their vulvas look different who are, so literally like undergoing surgery and going through special effects and same with guys to, to make it, things look a certain way. Understand that whatever you got is amazing. Go look at pictures if you need to, to kind of see what actual vulvas look like or an actual penis looks like instead of comparing yourself to the people in the videos. Anyway, use today, masturbate, masturbate.
Kari:We come up with like a masturbation start now.
Casey:Rewind
Kari:to the front and do it again. I'm just saying to my voice, except for, I don't have a sexy voice. You would have a voice in me. No, my voice is
Casey:not sexy. We would need to charge for that one. We'll put it on our website. We'll have a whole section of like Jack off instructionals. That's it. You good boy. Lou and April fool's one too. They think it's going to be Carrie, but nope. It's Casey. So for another episode of come with Casey, we are your hosts. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders. And I'm just
Kari:Carrie.