Cum With KC
It's the Holiday Season. Get Some Safe Dick
so I can't believe that we're actually finishing up the year. Yeah. It doesn't necessarily seem possible to be, you know, now done with the whole ass year. I thought it was like September a month ago. Hold on. Getting comfortable. There we go. You can see, man. And now I look like a, like, I feel like a, like a burglar from McDonald's Hamburglar. Yes. I'm literally wearing my black and white. Checkered high top vans with a black and white striped shirt, black pants. And a black and white hat. Yeah. So all I'm missing is the, you described it perfectly. I'm just missing the bag with the money sign on it. Yeah.'cause we don't have any money, It's Christmas time, All of it's going into the kids'. That's why, that's why we're, that's why you're a burglar. just robbed a fucking bank. So, okay, let's get into the show today. Before we get started, of course, we want to talk about some of our favorite people and why we support them and how we support them. If you've been, if you looked at our Instagram today, you probably saw us tagged to a few things from our good friend, Carla. Carla Renee Intimates. Killer boudoir photographer. Very talented, personable, helps people feel safe and secure, and body positive for sure. Well, and she has a very like unique style of photography. One of the things that I really admire about her is it's not just how you can shoot someone in a bed. She goes all over the place. Yeah. Some of my favorite ones, she does some in a, in parking garages. It's just so funny. That's the parking garage I used to park in every single day. I've taken so many photos in that parking garage. So funny to see. She ended up finding that like location of all places in a downtown Fort Worth, but it's not just that she does like in fields, she has her fields and multiple ones, different ones, different fields. Yeah. Just a field. Warren field. Carla might have been there. Fields. Yeah. Soccer fields. Many different kinds. She does not discriminate against fields. No, but again, it's just, it shows. I feel like anyone can create a perfect scenario. In their studio. Yeah, but to take What she does and put it outside in, in such a, like non controlled environments. There's a lot, there's a lot of variables to deal with whenever you're doing outdoor shoots. And we've talked about that in terms of lighting and things. It's, it is not a very controlled environment. So you have to make things perfect. You have to adapt them and the ability to do that takes a lot of skill. Yeah. She's very talented and we're actually going to be doing a outdoor shoot with her coming up very soon. Yeah. And a couple of weeks from now we're going to do an outdoor. We've been practicing our Shabari so much that we feel standing there so well that we've. do a little bit more of an advanced shoot. We've been, you know, I, I mean, I have the benefits of having degrees in like anatomy and physiology too. So the safety aspect is covered. Yeah. You definitely understand that aspect of it. And it's all been the technical stuff of like learning these various knots and understand the outdoor. You know, aspect of it. And I'm going to understand that. Just be quiet and be the bottom aspect of it. No, it's not about you being quite about, it's about you being vocal. Oh, feedback. Trust me. I am, but there's also a level of me being a bottom too. Experiencing what's going on and understanding the difference between like general discomfort or like my own discomfort. And so I love that we've been practicing it more. Obviously if you follow the show, we've been talking about it. So it's just something, another layer. One of the things I didn't want to bring up about Carla's work, we were talking about this earlier, is that one of the issues I take with a lot of boudoir photographers and photographers, like get at me. Let's have a discussion about it. But I see a lot of photographers doing very very dark shoots and the first thing that comes into my head is yes I get the artistic aspect of making something more dark and bringing the light down on it But sometimes I feel like there are photographers that are trying to hide aspects of their clients bodies by making it darker. I've done shoots before Where they've altered my appearance so much, whether it's making it like really grainy or, or like hazy or cloudy. I think cloudy is a better word for it or making it really dark. I've had both happened to me and it does make me feel like there was something wrong with me enough that they had to like alter it. So aggressively, you know, and, and when you're trying to do something that makes it more like sex positive or not body like shaming, that's a really quick way to make me start shaming my body. If the heads are pretty much black, you know? So again, that's something we'd love about Carla. If you haven't got a chance to, you know, we talk about this on so many episodes, go check out Carla Renee intimates and get with her to book a session when she's available, cause she's. She's a hot commodity. She is. For sure. The next thing that we're going to be talking about is something that y'all are also very familiar with, but it is actually happening tonight. If you're listening to the episode live for the day of air, if you're listening to this, the date of air, which is Friday, December 1st, 2023, it is a night shade burlesque is performing our monthly favorite foray into boudoir. I. We're less, we're talking about so many things. No, but this show I have gone to so many different burlesque shows in my, in my time Dallas, I've traveled to, there was one in Fort Worth there for a while. But the one thing that draws me back or keeps me coming to this event the first Friday of every month Is the uniqueness of it. The performers. I have seen performers do things that I didn't know they did on stage. I had known of a King performer. I've just never seen one physically. I think our very first show, they had two different King performers, drag Kings out there. So cool to see having like, more of a, more of a feminine type come out and just be so masculine. Yes. It was really cool to kind of see the flip side of that, but then also just talented performers that from what we've seen have come from all over. Yeah. So that's been one of the cool things that there is a a rotating cast. It's, you're not going to get the same show every single time. You're not getting the same performers every single time. You're getting just new faces. You're getting people coming in from Houston, Austin, Colorado. I believe they had from it's from all over the place at this point. And it's all of course held together by, by Vivian Vermouth. Yeah. That is probably hands down the best MC I have ever. Vivian does such a good job with her MC. Been a part of, and it's because an MC to me is not only like keeping the crowd going, keep them performers like up and, and ready and people spending money. But, but they are so interactive within the crowd, but they control the crowd. You see like comedians all the time where they do like crowd engagements and stuff, but they do, they have such a great way of like, they don't insult anyone. It's all love. It's all fun. And again, the way that they not only interact with the performers, but the audience, it's just. Fucking like mad claps, praise, bow down, Vivian. Like you're hearing this absolutely amazing. I actually had the honor in doing their hair not too long ago. Yeah. We ended up connecting and it was such like a surreal moment for them to be like, Oh shit, you're foreign on blondes. Like I've been seeing your stuff for years, but. It's a kind of like connect in that way. It was, it was really, really cool. And we have some stuff coming down the line with them. And it's very nice to be able to find like minded individuals that we want to work with. People that you can sit down with and have this cool open conversation and not worried about being offensive or bothering them in any way, shape or form. We just get to have a very, very raw conversation. And, and even then like them giving us ideas, Oh, well, what if y'all did this, this, this, or this, you know, and, and we're always open, clearly we're open to suggestions, advice. I mean, we're open to a lot of things. So to have met this group, we're so fucking excited. The show's tonight. It's a Friday night. If you ain't got shit to do. Go see the show. It's at the Cicada in downtown Fort Worth. It's right off of South Maine and Rosedale, I believe is the, and yeah. You're on point. You got this. Yeah. The next thing that we're going to discuss is you might've seen our newest post, what we call our circle post, but it is about a couples. Oh shit. I'm sitting there going, wait, what are we talking about? We're talking about our, our, our 12 days, challenge days, challenge, 12 days challenge. But we did this last year and we will say we were maybe a little overzealous with it. We fucking went out. We swung for the fences last year and we almost made a home run. We did. We had fun doing it. So last year we did a 31 day Holiday soiree is what we called it realize is too much. It wasn't too much in the sense of there wasn't enough for us to give tasks for. It was that people's attention spans began to fall off for a while. Fucking creative with some of the like different things that we did, we, we gave people a lot to do a lot to accomplish and it gave us a lot to accomplish. And in all honesty, like. For my memory of last year and everything that we did, like our, cause we did the same challenge. Like we didn't like, Hey, you do this. And we just like fucked off, but like, it really brought us together. We had a lot of fun doing it and it just made us realize this year it's something that we want to do again, but we're going to trim the fat where we're going to find our best by more than half, by more than half. We're going to. Find some of our best ideas, the ones that we got the biggest feedback from. And so basically what's going to happen is you're going to be listening to this right now, and you're going to immediately go over to our Instagram page and you're going to click our links. And in the links, it's the very top one that says couples challenge, whatever. It's the very first one. You're going to click on that. Give us your email address. When you send us your email address starting what we said, December 12th, 13th December 13th, you're going to get an email and it's going to be to date that challenge for that day. It's not just going to be like, Oh, here, go do this. We're going to give you tips, ideas different ways to like utilize it. And then. We give you a little background information about why we chose this because I mean if you followed along with us last year, it wasn't just simple tasks like, Hey, send a nude picture today. Was that task in there? Yeah. It was at some point, but we also had a bunch of more deep ones. Like we talked about sensei focus. Which was a big one that we did. That was probably one of my favorite days, actually. If you don't know what that is, go back and look. It has a lot to do with contact. That is a non sexual nature. In order to help build intimacy, it was developed by masters and Johnson back in the fifties. So go take a look at that one. If you, if you remember having it and. See something similar on this one again. It's 12 days people didn't do anything for 12 days Anything can be done for 12 days straight and then the Individuals that write us back. Hey, we did this we did this all of our top participants Are going to receive a gift basket or our top We will go through, decide who is getting to win to clarify anyone that participates in all 12 days and shows us evidence that you participated in all 12 days, you'll be entered in for a chance to win a gift basket from us that I can promise you. Will be worth the very little effort it's going to take to participate in this challenge I get so it's completely just a level of what you're going to get back from doing these simple tasks Well, and and yes what you're going to get back, but then so and I know touch on a little bit, but just like the intimacy that you're going to gain with your partner. That's the whole point. Yeah. Like we're going to open your idea to things that you maybe have never heard of before. It's going to be very informative great instructions. We're actually going to be working on some of it tonight and like kind of plan everything out. I'm super excited about it. We're finalizing some of the details on it and we have, there's been some of the days where we've been like, wait a minute, so let's switch day two and day six because we want to have it like this general flow. So just what makes sense, you know? And like one of them might be like cooking together. We're not going to put cooking together on Christmas Eve with your partner because we already understand the hecticness of that. So, it's going to be a great calendar. Again, go to the link on our Instagram page, sign up for it. And we are going to go to our next topic, which are, I love your segues today. Thank you. I just go straight into it. They don't need to hear. Here's what we're going to discuss next. And now we're on like a news report. I think that I have missed a calling a little bit, you know, like I want to be like a goth news reporter. Give me your, your best, like news, your best news voice. Like, like, critical thinking. I'm not good. Like critical funny, you know, I'm not asking you to be funny. I'm asking you to give me your best reporter voice. I can't, I can't, I don't fuck it up. We're moving on. Yeah. Another thing that you're probably seen on our Instagram is when we just ask questions We love questions and we love doing anonymously because some people really are afraid to like step up and say whatever it is that they want to say, which we urge like fucking quit it. Say what you want to say. There is no judgment here with us ever. Never have we ever passed judgment on someone reaching out to us a question. And so we love when y'all do this, please keep them coming. But the first question is When becoming open and in public. Oh, this is, this was about, they asked us about us specifically. So when becoming open and y'all are in public, what is the conversation about boundaries and what does that look like? So read that back. Cause I believe the, the question actually said like, what was. The conversation about, about boundaries was the conversation about boundaries. Right. That was, that was the first thing that stuck is versus was right. Oh, I'm sorry. How dare I? Well, the reason I say that is because the first thing that stuck out to me is the fact that we have ever changing boundaries. Our boundaries are not like, here's a line and here's where it's going to stay. It is always. Moving depending on us, depending on the way it's a hundred percent situational on who we're with. If we are with individuals that we have played with before, much easier, much more fluid, so relaxed. If we say we, when we went to that sex party, right, we went in there with totally different boundaries set and we knew it was going to be situational. We knew that. What we didn't know, right? We knew that we had no clue what was going to happen. And so we were going to play that one by ear. We have been in situations where we go out and I'm going to be with a bunch of friends and I'm like, Hey, Casey, the odds of me making out with every single one of them are high. How do you feel about that? going into this night in particular. And, and so I think the best way to answer that question is it's ever evolved. It has to be for us. That is what we need as a couple, which that's what it was directed towards is what do we do? But I would say we have pre Pre check ins. Yes, we do. And that's, that's an interesting one that I love talking about is that we do, we have, we talk about like the boundaries set for a given evening every time that we plan on being around people that we are willing to be more open with. It does become because I never want to go out and. Engage with someone that Carrie is going to look at me and be like, what the hell? Yeah. Like, why are you doing that? Yeah. And then not only that, but we do have little like signals that we have for one another. And this could be the simplest signal to say like, Hey, I'm uncomfortable with what's happening right in this moment. Or it could be a simple text message that we send to, or I were, yeah, however, we sent to one another that is just sitting there stating, Hey, I'm uncomfortable with what's happening right now. So our next question, and this was a slightly interesting one. And I think it's just. Because we've never had someone ask something like this before. Have y'all talked about hair removal or maintenance, but they partner. And I'm thinking about asking my partner to wax mine and just put my kitten, so I'm assuming my kid, my kid. So the first thing I see about this have y'all talked about hair removal or maintenance? We have actually on the show talked about hair removal and maintenance because somebody was like, how do you feel about body hair? And our response to that was it's really. Up to you and your partner to decide. Now, first and foremost, how do you personally feel about body hair? If you want it, have it. Yeah. I think that that should honestly just be a compromise. Like I want to give you what you look for, you know, and. If you have a preference, knowing that something turns me on, then you're like, it's not a big deal to me either way. Now, if it's part of your identity of how you view yourself of like, no, listen, I have dedicated part of myself to, I don't shave my legs, I don't shave my armpits. Like I grow everything out. Then your partner needs to be able to understand that and that needs, that's a conversation that And that at that point needs to be a conversational compromise and figuring out something that works for the both of y'all. I mean, I've told you my preference. I. I don't want it completely shaved. And I've done that like I had before, where I was like, I come out of the shower and I'm completely shaved. And you're like, ah, there it is. But that's just my preference. You know, I think I typically say like, you know, just, yeah, I don't really care. But but I love the thinking about asking my partner to wax. This is something that you've actually brought up quite often. And not you waxing me, but us getting, I want us to go get waxed together. Yeah. I want to do like a couples session, laying side by side, getting a full wax job. What would you get waxed? If I don't want it all gone, like she's going to wax your shaft. Oh, I would get, I would get my, I would get my undercarriage. Done. I'd get my butthole done, but what I just like, I bet you'd like it maybe, maybe I might, but I would be like, feel fearful for you for like the grow out. No, but it's waxing you. It's still regrows, but not, it's not the same as like with shaving was shaving. It's like chafing and bumps and I'm just so afraid and, and your buttholes never experienced that before. Like I said, I'm down. I'm imagining worst case scenario. I know. And I'm imagining best case scenario. Smooth on the carriage for a day. It's not going to be for a day. It is not going to see where you're going to have somebody that does like professional waxing, get on our page and be like, Carrie's talking about a fucking day. Yeah, I know. And please correct me everyone. And if you really want to correct me, get us in your space and wax us. And we'll see. There it is. That's what we're looking for is we're looking for one of our listeners who does professional waxing, who wants to do a couples. Wax job live show. And we're talking full show, but recording live show on our only fans. No, we had, we had a friend do that in the past. Actually. We're not, I'm not going to name names. I think it was like a chest waxing though. Really? Yeah. It wasn't anything, anything like inappropriate or, yeah, it wasn't anything embarrassing or, or too far gone. It, but he, yeah, he had his whole chest wax. And I remember I even made a meme that had him laying there shirtless, and I put the PornHub logo. Oh. And send it out to all of our friends. But yeah, in terms of, in terms of waxing and doing all that, that's talk about a decent bonding tool. We were talking about this at lunch, right? So you're engaging in something on a weekly, monthly, however often. That is this task of self care that you have, that you participate in on your own. What you're doing is you're becoming vulnerable and allowing your partner into that space and even handing over control of that task for that time period over to your partner. For me, I view that as a good bonding tool. Yeah. That's a way to be like, all right, I'm letting them in even further. This is into a deeper part of one of my circles. I mean, that's a deep level of trust to let someone wax you. Right. If you're into pain, then Hey, two birds, you know, so if you've thought about it, go for it. Yeah. Do it. And then of course, tell us about it. Let us know everything about it. I want to know how it was like, I don't know about the experience. So what else do we have for questions today? I think the last one that we have has actually been answered. I mean, we had a whole show on it, but it said for Carrie. When and how do you know that you liked women? Oh, yeah, when did you have this conversation with your partner? So we want to relive the story at all do have An episode it was season two. What was that season two episode 19? It aired June 2nd of I think this year actually. Yeah, I think that's one of the more reason. Yeah It was the episode was called queer adjacent. Yeah, because it was our it was our pride month episode. Yep I mean, to, to say simple answer, I knew probably in middle school, maybe younger and then I didn't really, is that from like tingly's of on the screen acting more just, I was attracted to women. I wasn't attracted to boys and then I got along with boys and I didn't get along with girls. And so I think that was when I first had this like. Thought of like, hmm, maybe I'm not meant to be friends with girls. I'm just meant to fuck them. And so, but to answer as far as like Casey. God, that was probably like five years into our relationship. Yeah. It was somewhere around there. And we just started talking about, I mean, we just started talking about, that's when we started like, Hey, where are you? What are your interests? Where are you into? Like, I think that's when we really start diving into the sexual side of our relationship. Part of it arose because we would go out and then you would be having a good time and you'd end up like making out with a friend or two or three or four. Throughout the course of the night. And then I've started being like, Hey, at the time we were in a fully monogamous, exclusive relationship. So it was like, Hey, quit doing that. Yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck's the problem? And your response to me was something along the lines of like, that's just something girls do. We still do. And my response was, it's not that something that every girl does. I mean, yeah, that's fair. But I think that ended up like kind of what started that conversation was just. It was out of, it was partially out of a misunderstanding that I had for you because I hadn't been privy to that portion of you yet, of your sexuality yet. And you hadn't been vulnerable enough to share it with me. Well, I mean, I didn't really understand myself either. That's the other part of it. Again, it's not like we fully had this like textbook on emotions and getting older and how we feel about things and people. And, and, you know, I didn't get that book like our mid twenties. Yeah. I mean, it took me a while, but there, I will say there was a part of me that just didn't really care. It was like, so what? I like girls. I'm not here to like. Feel the necessary or feel it necessary to like label myself in some way. And so, I will say that was in part of what kind of held me back from it. But then we just reached the point of our relationship that we wanted to talk about it and we did. So, but yeah, I would refer back to that episode. It's much more in detail on when I came out and, and then kind of the whole again, season two episode or episodes, episode 19 queer adjacent adjacent. But that, I mean, that brings up a good, a good point to be discussed. Though is when we had some of those conversations, what our relationship looked like at the time that we felt comfortable enough to have those conversations, because we often talk on our show about how you should have conversations. And we talk about like the setting and all that kind of stuff, but one of the overarching things that we don't really discuss that much of is how the relationship can ebb and flow and how you can leverage. The ebb and flow of your relationship to have those conversations and to grow together because you shouldn't you shouldn't necessarily if you're in a part where your relationship is, you know, you're having some struggles and you're not on the same page and you find yourselves arguing more and short with each other and all this. That's probably not the best time to have a conversation about a new kink you want to try or but it's a great time to be aware of that's that's an issue or that's happening. It's a great time to figure things out. It's a great time to reevaluate. It's a great time to explore a little bit about where you are, what your current state is and why you're in that current state. Well, and it's also good to communicate with your partner. Like if you're feeling a disconnect, that's not a bad thing. It's a, it's a great thing because it's an opportunity to grow. But the biggest part in that is when you are feeling that lull or that like I'm irritated or we are just not on the same page. One of two things should happen at that point in my opinion you either need to take a little bit of time to Think maybe and not like take time apart, but go take a goddamn bath and and think about what it is that you Want to say, or how it is that you want to reconnect, but being aware of the fact that it's happening is so healthy you and I, even now, like people assume that we're just this like constant, great, strong couple. We never have issues. Hell no. I mean, it was like two weeks ago that I was like, Hey, you know, I was actually going through a time where I wasn't feeling as close with you. And we, we kind of sit down and talk about it and why that could be. Now we ended up. Finding that it was just stressors from the holidays and stuff going on kids. And like for a second, listen to that, figuring out that your issues that you currently have with your spouse, they may stem from your spouse. They may also stem from other environmental factors. You, you must be able to take a step back and see the picture from a bird's eye view and say, what are all the things that are affecting me right now? What changes are going on in my. I work life and my social relationships and my spousal relationship or relationships, take it all into account before you're just like, I'm mad at my significant other for whatever reason. Well, and I love that you bring that up because there's a difference between like, no, I'm fucking mad because I asked you to take the trash out 10 times. That's why I'm mad. That is not what this is. We're not talking about like having a sit down to be like, you didn't do this and you didn't do this. What we mean is if you're with your partner and you're living your day to day, and you're just not feeling connected, that's when you want to kind of like sit down, I'm not going to downplay that other aspects can't get frustrating. But what we mean by kind of having these like check in moments, really try to focus on not. This is what you're not doing for me and maybe make it more of like, how can we do this together? How can we realize what's happening together? The whole point I'm saying is don't make this a fucking nagging session That's not what this is about when I came to you and I was like, hey, I'm feeling frustrated You I mean, I'm very thankful to have you but you do a good job on like, okay What do you think this could be stemming from? Yeah. And the one thing that I do also want to stress is to not take offense. You can't take offense when your partner comes to you and says, Hey, I'm struggling. Yeah. I mean, you, you can take offense, but you should examine with your partner. Yeah. It'd be like, let's okay. You're struggling. You're frustrated with my behavior. My, my productive response is not going to be. What the fuck? What do you mean? What did I do? I defensive mode walls up. Let me start to you'll get back at you What more to be like, okay, I hear you that you're currently frustrated right now Let's kind of take a look at what what are some of the things that might be frustrating you because you said something just a Minute ago that I started my gears going and it was that you you had said if someone sits back and tells their spouse You know, I've told you ten times to take out the fucking trash. You haven't done it. What the hell? Please spouse understand that it's not the fact Most times it's not the fact that you didn't take out the trash with your partner's frustrated because they don't feel they don't feel seen you're part of a team you're taking on roles at this point and whenever your partner feels like you just are ignoring them after they've said something and asked multiple amount of times it's not the task. It's the, Oh, it's the, it's what's happening within, within that task. It's the fact that you're, they feel ignored. They do not feel seen. They don't feel heard. They feel like they're by themselves and alone and you've entered into a partnership. You've entered into something where you're supposed to be able to work together. Yeah. And it's very important. We kind of have that mindset that we are doing this together. We are in this together. And again, that does go for both parties. Because again, if you can't like come together and sit down and talk about having a problem, it's only going to lead to more problems first. Yes, we're discussing like that ends and flows in a relationship, but those like. So correct me with that phrase, ebbs and flows, ebbs is like the bad time. Flows like water, ebbs like a tide. That was my Bruce Lee quote. That was really funny. That'd be like water. Wow. Yes, it's going to flow forward. It's going to ebb like the ebbs and flows of the tide. But the thing is, is like, if you don't allow it to flow. And you don't continue that flow. This isn't actually a show that's going to help you anymore. You need like counseling at that point. There's actually a question that we're going to, we didn't even get to, which we're going to. And I was just thinking that too. And it was, I, you know, we talked about this, we were like, we know who submitted this and we're not, we're not going to call anybody out of course. But we had a question that was submitted that was like, I've been through a massive amount of trauma. I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone again. I do want a, like a Dom sub dynamic in a relationship, but I don't even know how to begin to trust anyone with something like that and this, that's a point where we go. Hey, a, you need to find someone that is trauma informed. You need to find someone that is kink informed on a certification level. Our suggestions are always go with an ASEC certified sex therapist that is also has gone through like a kink certification and talk with them about it, they're going to be your best friend in this because we can sit down and theorize about it and we can discuss it. We can even get in deep with it, but this is something that's a little outside of our scope. Yeah. And, and, and I'm glad that you brought that up. And that question was, as you read me that question, I was like, fuck, they need, they need to talk to a counselor. Like that's such a deep question. And we really love that you bring that to us. But I, I bring that up in a way to say that like, if you don't allow the ebbs and flows and you don't take those serious, then you better take a counselor serious because those aspects in a relationship, if you don't choose to come together, That's where you start to grow apart. And that's, that is the worst thing. That's the worst thing in any relationship. Honestly, I don't care if you're talking to a family or a friend or a partner, if y'all find every relationship, you're going to have those ebbs and flows. And when y'all are kind of realizing that like, Hey, we, we are not. Flow in the way I want us to, and you choose not to have a conversation. It's just fucking one more, one more brick added one more. That's just going to add to maybe now we're both completely blocked up. We're bricked apart from one another. And now I can't even see you through it. Yeah. That's why the best thing that you can do for your relationship is learn yourself. This is something I've talked about with a number of people. Is that the, the one question, the question I have above all else is, is like, what can I do with it? There's one thing I can do to help my relationships become more successful. What is it? And it's in my, in my personal opinion, in my professional opinion, it's learn yourself. Know your identity. If that means going in and learning your personal attachment style, learning your personal love language. If you're an Enneagram person, learn your Enneagram. If you put a 16 personalities person, if you're a disc person, if you're at no matter what you need to be, don't give a shit. All of it. Know every single thing about yourself because you cannot truly know. A partner or someone in a relationship with you, unless you know yourself and how you handle things and go ahead. Well, that's one of the big things is that we've seen the popularity of attachment styles raised up over the last probably five, five to seven years. Is that what I would say that I've seen it become. An actual like all over social media kind of thing where people are really diving in and discussing it. And if you ever get the need, if you want to, there's a book called it's just got, I think it's called, it's called attachment. I can put a link for it in our show notes and you can go take a look at it, but it'll talk to you all about the various attachment styles and how you can work with them and how it may not be the most healthy thing if two of them get together. So, but again, one of the best things you can do is learning about yourself. How, how do you. Why do you handle conflict the way that you do? This is one of the reasons why things like counseling therapy and all that are super important because it helps people discover more about themselves in order to have healthier relationships. You're so good. And you know what though? I'll be honest. I think that earlier on in our relationship, I had a lot of like attachment things with you and it was because I didn't. opportunity or wherewithal to like learn myself. And so when we first got together, I would also say we slightly had some trauma bonding that we did. Oh, for sure. That's a whole other episode. We're not going to go trauma bonding. As much as people are like trauma bonding sucks. Yes, it can. Yeah. But if you recognize it and realize that. And don't make it like you, the anchor of your relationships. It's okay to have some level of, of bonding over a trauma that you both occurred. It can't be the only thing holding you together. But, but I will say we had a little bit of that. We, we had some attachment issues, I think in, in the beginning. And. Had we not really decided to educate ourselves and figure out who we are. And we started doing some self help concepts, started journaling. I mean, you had a different method of it than I did, but I do believe that had we not gone down that line and really started to figure ourselves out and then we could figure out. What we were then going to be together. I mean, that's in part on why and honestly, we do have a pretty solid Relationship that's doing the work in the relationship people often think that like what does it mean to do the work? What is it? What is doing the work me in the relationship people like well It's making sure that you're spending quality time together and it's making sure that you're learning how to do certain things The reality is it's getting to the fucking core of yourself and your partner to learn in the most raw in a real way who you are as people, how you handle everything. One of the killers of relationships is not being not being prepared and you'll sit back and you'll be blindsided by something and it could be something so big that it actually ruined your relationship. But if you work together to prepare yourselves for these kinds of things and put on your armor and get ready for fucking battle with each other and an effort to build each other and help each other grow, you're going to be in a position where when those things come about, cause keep in mind, it's not a question of if. It's only a question of when, because it is going to happen. You're going to have big things that you deal with. We all do. If you're prepared to deal with them and you know how you, you behave and you know how you react to things, stand your partner's argument style, conflict style, and the way that they resolve things. If you can come together and understand those with each other, you're going to be, have a much, much higher rate of survival. I mean, why would you not want that? I honestly, like. We all hope that the goal is when your partner and your partner, right? Like no one wants breakups. And so with that, it does come work and it comes with knowing your true self and knowing yourself within your partner. But I think one of the main purposes for this show today is really saying that, like. You're allowed to feel and in instances that maybe you're growing apart a little bit But you have to want to fix that and that's when we talk about doing these challenges Right doing these couples challenges or or forcing yourself to to really like dive in and and couldn't what? Date week, can I create with my partner because you have to reconnect? Yes. It is about spending time together About like taking out all the outside stressors and really remembering why y'all got together in the first place, but also understanding that these ebbs and flows are a hundred percent normal. If you are aware and you communicate and you talk through those times that you have in a relationship, it will come back. We've been together for what? How many years now, like since the dawn of time, we've been together a long fucking time. Like. We've both been bored of each other. It has happened. We have loved each other. We have disliked each other. We have load entirely I won't go that far, but, ah. And we've had rough lows of you bullshit. Yes, you have. We've gone through rough patches, but it's in those times that we, we begin at some point, we realized just how much we want each other. I think I've said this before is one of the biggest lessons carries taught me. And at first I fucking hated hearing it. And then it took me a while of reflecting on it to go. Actually. No, I vibrate with that. A lot more is that it's not, I don't need you. I don't. I don't need you. I want you. I am the, the actual power of wanting versus needing in a relationship for me is, is much more powerful. Which is such an interesting concept. I remember when we first, I first kind of started saying that and yeah, I'd say it to clients. I'd be like, yeah, I told Casey this. And they'd be like, Jesus. And I didn't quite get why so many people were offended by it. And I loved that you ended up. Understanding what I meant, I will say sometimes I lead with aggressive things and then I have to explain it through and then people like, Oh, I get it. But like, I've had clients come back to me later and use that on, and they're like, I use it on my husband and you know what, he's pretty mad at first, he's pretty mad and then he understood. What that meaning is behind it. Yeah. And not an actuality of very, the way that I started putting it for myself was that I'd be like, look, there's things in my life that I need. I need water. Yeah. I need food. I need shelter. I have these basic survival things that I need. If. If you were to go away and disappear, I'd be devastated. I'd be heartbroken. I would be on like on the brink of insanity, but it wouldn't kill me. And that's kind of more of where the shift happened for me is to be like, look, if you weren't there, it would be the worst thing that I could imagine, but it wouldn't kill me. So therefore, because of that, I don't need you, but I want you. And that power and that want is what drives that relationship. And I will say, I remember seeing it from my own parents, honestly, because I remember looking at their relationship and I thought that my mom needed my dad. You know, you start and we're getting a whole level of codependency needed. And so I was like. No, that is, that's just never going to be, you know, who I am. I'm not going to need someone, but God damn it. I would rather want, I would rather want you in my life. I would rather every single day I was next to you. But that, that word need just kind of became really like negative to me for a while. Yeah. And so, and, and I, and I. Get where you were with it. I love where you are now with it. And I love that it's kind of taken on this like new meaning and concept. Oh, it's like a whole fucking slogan. It would have been for us in all honesty, like our, I don't need you. I want you to t shirts. I'll go on our merch page. It'll be on there. You'll see it. Oh my God. We, we have, we've had these times. It's been fun with a lot of these topics that we've gone over. What was the other one we were talking about? What was it? Safe dick. Oh, yeah, we have. So as creatures of habit, Carrie and I are getting into like different streaming services is hard. And we started doing Apple TV because we were watching Ted Lasso for the longest time. And yeah, both of us do. We miss it so much. And so we're flipping through and I had seen a reel on Instagram and it was from the show Shrinking where it was. Such a good show. If you have not seen it, go watch shrinking where it was the guy, the guy that comes across and it's sitting back and it's like, Oh, Hey Pam. And she goes, no, we hate Pam. And he goes, eat a dick. Their relationship is really cute, honestly. Because they are like the epitome of we've been together a long time. We've seen a lot, we've done a lot, and this is how we now deal with life. They're a little aggressive and they're a little fussy. That is not how I want us to be. Of the like connection where it was like, Hey Pam, Oh, honey, we don't like, we, you know, we don't like her. Fuck you, Pam. Like no question. Yeah, exactly. But anyways, within the show, there are these like two Jason Siegel. I'm not going to say it because when someone wants to watch the show, well, there are two people that hook up and they had a term. Stop it. They had a term for them hooking up. That she said that she had called it and, and she called him safe Dick. We'll just get, she called him safe Dick because you're safe Dick. And I love that because there is such this big. And sometimes negative, like friends with benefits concept, right? Like our girls can never be friends with benefits because they're always going to want, we're not getting into that because that's measly women can't have sex without falling in love. We're not getting that toxic bullshit. We will do an episode on the, on the. I'm afraid to do an episode with you on that. I'm not even going to talk because you know how you're going to rant the whole time. I'm going to have an hour long rant on the toxicity for yourself, on the toxicity of alpha male culture and all the bullshit that they try to spout out. Good Lord. But anyways, what this had kind of said is like sleeping with someone and they're safe, Dick. You know, they're not going to harm you. You feel safe in their place, but they're also going to fall in love with you. Chances of y'all having. Like a deep, deep, like love, emotional connections are minimal. And so it's safe. It's safe. You're a safe person. We can fuck, I can ride you. Get fucked by you and it's not going to amount to anything other than pleasure for the both of us. And I'm not necessarily sure where that segwayed in, but I've loved that you brought it up because we're thinking about all of our topics and everything. And I just, we had talked about earlier about the fact that we like the show so much because it takes a lot of like these, I mean, if you've never seen it, it is about a small collective of therapists and the goings on within their lives. And so a lot of the situational stuff that occurs has to do with their kids, their, their spouses, their lovers, all of that. That's all, it's all very like, it's almost like watching an hour, like an hour long therapy session as they each deal with the conflicts within their lives. I think that's the idea behind it. It's just, it's amazing. If you haven't checked out, go check out shrinking and then. Tell us how much you love it afterwards. So anyway, for another episode of come with Casey we'll see you guys next time. I'm Dr. Casey. Just carry.