Calendar Girl Part 2

Let's continue our discussion on celebrated days of sex! The second half of this promises more fun than the first. 

Enjoy!

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Casey 0:00

So this episode may not be like chronological exact. We did calendar girl part one. Yeah.

Kari 0:09

Back in December. And

Casey 0:10

then we like skipped a while. And then we went, Hey, we're going to go to the mountains. Yeah.

Kari 0:15

And then, well, okay. Let's be honest. It was fucking Christmas. It was the mountains.

Casey 0:20

That was poor planning on our part. We should have pre recorded some episodes. But, you know what? We didn't do that. And,

Kari 0:26

you know, I'm not mad about it though. Life goes on. We have responsibilities. We got shit that we do. This is our, like, this is our love space. The podcast, this is our love child and we don't always get to attend.

Casey 0:40

It's not like we've created actual children.

Kari 0:42

Fuck those kids. If you know me, that's just like a popular slogan that I have.

Casey 0:48

That's actually, that's like our biggest piece of it. We love, we love the phrase. Fuck them kids. We love our kids. More than anything in this world, but fuck them kids, you know,

Kari 0:59

because lovingly, respectfully, they take away from our day to day. Stop it. No, we don't have time. I thought you

Casey 1:07

were going to go lovingly, respectfully. Fuck them kids.

Kari 1:11

That would have been funnier. I wish I would have done that, but, but they do take away from our like day to day and December is just fucking crazy for us. So in all actuality, it was just a little too, presumptive for us to, to finish that episode out. So here we are, it's January. We didn't miss any dates technically. So we're going to give you a little bit of tease on what we have going on. And then we're going to dive into the episode.

Casey 1:37

What do we want to tease them with? Me.

Kari 1:39

No. So the biggest tease or the biggest things that we have going on is y'all need to understand that we are doing all this like background work that y'all don't really get to see or hear and, and maybe a little bit, but you still don't really understand how hard we're working. On the flip side of our podcast, you've been doing SHA or counseling.

Casey 2:01

I love a year and a half and I know it's longer than that actually. Yeah, I've been going through my certification to become a sex counselor since May of 2022. Yeah.

Kari 2:14

And so not only that, but we're like. Promoting or building a website. Like we have so many things that are coming for y'all with this website. It just, it takes a long time to, to get it up and running. I just started my coaching program. So there's a lot behind the scenes that y'all don't always get to hear about. But really the podcast to me is our like number one priority at this point. And so, yes, we wanted to kind of like bring you up to speed with what's going on this year. But the biggest thing that I feel like we've done together and we've been so fucking like adamant about is the nightshade burlesque that we attend, you know, you never miss it. It's just, it's, it's engraved in us. Now

Casey 3:00

we've been, we've been attending nightshade since I think it was their second show that they did and we haven't missed a single

Kari 3:06

one. No, because it's been so. Important to us and the people that we've met along the way are

Casey 3:13

good people. That's, that's one thing about if you ever have the opportunity to attend this fantastic what we view is as traditional burlesque, the way burlesque was always meant to be like, we're, we're, we're going to pound that into your heads as much as we can. That burlesque is not meant to be a, a bunch of like, I want to say this. I don't want to be offensive to anybody. I

Kari 3:36

mean, it's hard not to be offensive to everybody, but I know what you're saying. This isn't. Like you're not fitting

Casey 3:42

the box. It's, think about the movie burlesque. That's not

Kari 3:45

burlesque This is not burlesque. That is not what it is. And if you enjoy that movie, great. Enjoy it. It's still a good movie, but it's not really the true representation of the female form that we have grown to love. So God true burlesque

Casey 4:02

is body positive. True burlesque is sex positive. True burlesque is satirical. True burlesque is comical true burlesque. And this instance is, is like Gothic, which is our favorite aspect about it. Trust me on that one. Oh yeah.

Kari 4:18

But as soon as I, and y'all might've heard the story a little bit, but I was literally scrolling through my Instagram. And, and I saw gothic burlesque and I sent it to Casey, I texted to Casey, I called Casey and you immediately fucking bought a table the second, the second I sent it to you and every since then, this has just been like the thing that we look forward to the most. Again, it is nightshade burlesque the first Friday of every month at Cicada in Fort Worth, in Fort Worth fucking be there and y'all need to understand this show is blowing the Fuck up

Casey 4:52

when we first started buying tables, we'd be like, all right. You know, two weeks before the show, we'd get a table. Then it became one week. Now it's like, if you don't get tickets within a couple days of them releasing them, then you're done. You're not getting, you're done. You don't get a table. So that that's nightshade burlesque. It's it's inception was by our, our good friends violent Labrador. And Vivian Vermouth, go check them out. They have amazing performers. They're always changing performers out. They have drag queens. They have drag

Kari 5:25

queens. One of the best.

Casey 5:26

She's actually currently, currently seeking more votes. So if you have not voted for her, you need to check out her page because she has step out there. You can vote. I think it's twice per day. So go check them out.

Kari 5:38

So, for this episode, as we kind of discussed earlier is we are finishing out the calendar for the year for y'all. So we kind of have the last point that we stopped at. And, and we're just going to continue on. Spun a little game for y'all at the end. Here I am

Casey 5:51

with my organizational skills. The last day that we discussed was National Orgasm Day. So we did talk about National Orgasm Day. You remember what we talked about? You, you asked me like how many times, what's the most I've ever come in a day. I think I said five times. I, you were like, was that with me? Like, yes, it was with, yes, that in that instance, you are a

Kari 6:16

very sexual person, so I can never assume that I am one of those records, but you're

Casey 6:23

also a fairly sexual person. So if I've, if I've been with people in the past who are not very sexual or not, or not very fun, they might be sexual, but it doesn't mean they're like. Fun. Yeah, fun.

Kari 6:36

So you got me an insect.

Casey 6:38

Exactly. You, you, you helped me. You helped me want further into a lot of things instead of being like, Oh, okay.

Kari 6:47

All right. So let's dive in. What's the next day? So

Casey 6:49

today we're going to move on and we're going to hit, this is August 11th to 13th. Oh, it's got like a whole ass weekend. International. There's a reason for it because it's international swingers day. Oh, you remember we said that.

Kari 7:03

You have to do that. That makes the most fucking

Casey 7:05

sense. How else are you going to sync your calendars up? Dude,

Kari 7:09

y'all need to understand. The difficulty. It is hard being in the lifestyle, trying to plan around and oh, you got this kids this Friday. You got them this weekend or the next weekend, or can you do this, this date? Or that is the most appropriately timed weekend because it gives you a chance to plan it out.

Casey 7:29

Exactly. There is. Oh my God. There's so much. I like my mind is just falling apart while I'm thinking about all the planning involved whenever it comes like setting up dates and making sure everybody's on the same page. Oh, you work that day until this time. I work until this time. It's, it's not do that because of this. It's not something where it's two people trying to get together. You're talking about like four or more people trying to get together. Everyone

Kari 7:53

check your calendar. It's super difficult. So I love that as a three day event. And the thing for this is if you're like pre planning it, go to FetLife. FetLife is a great site to be on. If you and your partner are looking to be open you can even, maybe you have one person that y'all want to play with, sit down, put it on the calendar. Hey, we have this. These three dates that are really going to enjoy each other. And just set aside the time for that because not all of these days are something that you can do directly in the moment. And again, I love the fact that it's like a two to three day window

Casey 8:25

and a bit of a warning. If you are, some, if you are, have not been on FetLife and you're looking to like join picture a very. NSFW not safe for work version of Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's, it's very in your face. You're going to see a lot of things when you first get on there, but you can sift through all the stuff. There's plenty of events on there. You can seek out different you can see got dungeons in your area. You can see got events in your area. I'm sorry. I'm going to, I

Kari 8:51

would love to go to a dungeon. We are so going to do that and I can't freaking wait. All right. So what's the next date? Okay,

Casey 9:00

so moving on from there. Oh, we have This is August 23rd. One of my favorites. This is Go Topless Day. Oh! So what are some ways we can go topless? We

Kari 9:12

don't have to plan that. I don't know that we know what day that falls on. Is it a Friday? It's a Friday. We already know this. We know this isn't a Friday, but the thing with being like go topless day, if it happens to fall on a day that you don't get the opportunity to just walk around topless, that's fine. Maybe utilize that time or that day to I'm going to send my partner. Our partners as many titty shots as I can.

Casey 9:38

Yeah. Or just your friends in general. Anyone,

Kari 9:41

everyone gets a tick shot, you know, but it's just be topless. It's liberating to be

Casey 9:47

topless. I know there's times where I'm like, I love cleaning this house topless As, as a, as a male, I feel like privileged because it's socially acceptable for me to have my tits out. I know. So I don't have to deal with any sort of anything.

Kari 10:00

How does that feel? How does that. Feel to just have your top off. If I just walk to the gym with my top off, I would be escorted out.

Casey 10:11

I don't know that you would. I

Kari 10:13

just do a little shimmy the whole way through. They're like, no, you're cool. And they're like, she's fine guys.

Casey 10:18

She's trying out some new technique. This is a workout regimen. Leave her alone. It's like doing, you know, cold plunges, but you know, she's just bringing the

Kari 10:26

nipple, Eric Kegels, leave her alone.

Casey 10:31

Since when did your pelvic floor jump into your chest? I don't know.

Kari 10:35

Alright, what's

Casey 10:36

the next date? You were just asking me how it feels not to have boobs. I was then going to turn around and ask you how it feels to have boobs. I've got a, I'm a, I'm flat chested. Just a little top

Kari 10:48

heavy. Just a little top heavy. Just

Casey 10:50

a little top heavy. So next up we have September 4th, which is World Sexual Health Day.

Kari 10:56

And see, that's gotta be important.

Casey 10:58

Yeah. That's important.

Kari 10:59

What do you think health is not like blowjobs are great. No, like this is like sexual health. No, because I think like people are like, don't realize. How important sexual health actually is. Yes. This is going to be a day for us to just educate the fuck out of people. Yeah, for sure. But how would you recommend a listener to dive into sexual health?

Casey 11:23

I, this is one of my favorites because this is where I get to put on my doctor hat. I get to talk about what it means to have sexual health to me. So in terms of sexual health, things that I like to look at for people is a de stigmatizing STI, understand that they're, they're common. They're natural. People get them. Are there some that are uncurable? Yes, they are few and far between at this point. And all of them are treatable at this point. But the important thing is that if you're going to be sexually active, whether it be in a polyamorous relationship, Yep. You a single, maybe you, as you celebrate relationship anarchy, whatever it is, the important thing is to celebrate your sexual wellness by getting a routine STI testing. That's probably the biggest one for me outside of that is educating yourself on things like pleasure anatomy, educating yourself on new, new ways to, to experience pleasure, new ways to experience sex. And keep in mind, whenever we say sex, we don't, we don't mean. Penis and vagina penetration. No. That's not our view of sex. No. That's not sex. What we mean is I mean it is. Even you can, you can even go as far as to say, I'm going to redefine sex for myself to be inclusive. What does sex mean to me? So just celebrating Or maybe just look

Kari 12:36

up a term of sex that you've never, like, I'm going to look up bukkake because I don't know what bukkake is. Oh, you know

Casey 12:43

what it is. I do. I don't mean that that isn't, you participated in it, by the way, but

Kari 12:47

I'm just saying like maybe you utilize this day to educate yourself on an aspect of sex that you have never understood before. There is no harm in educating to an experience that you've never personally had.

Casey 13:01

You know what I want to recommend to somebody is to be like, Hey, I want you, I want this to be somebody that is traditionally uncomfortable. In their sexuality to extend it out and become more comfortable in other sexualities. So that might getting

Kari 13:16

all like the research they can on something that they talk to somebody. And

Casey 13:19

no, I mean like, as in talk to somebody else, if you are say a cisgender straight male, I want you to go out and talk to a a trans woman. I want you to talk to a a bisexual male. I want you to do something that would. Traditionally be seen as, as some that might make you uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone a little bit and learn something about

Kari 13:42

somebody else. That's what the day is about is education. So sex ed yourself. I

Casey 13:46

can educate. So what I got next, next we have October 1st. This is massage day. Dibs. There's no dibs. My

Kari 13:56

dibs. I get it.

Casey 13:58

You can tell them about the video you sent me the

Kari 14:00

other day. I know because this dude was like, like taking his thumbs and massaging like the base and around her neck and like in the hair. And I'm just like,

Casey 14:10

we talked about this. He was massaging the deep muscles of the neck, trying to get all the way to what he was going all the way to what we can call the suboccipital triangle. So it's small little groups of muscles. They attach between the actual occiput, the back of the skull, and then the second vertebra. The, and the neck and the first as well. Mm-Hmm. So they're these really deep muscles and they do a lot of stuff and they have a lot, a lot, a lot of sensory organs in them. So

Kari 14:34

why have you not massaged me there yet?

Casey 14:37

Because every time I've offered massage you've refused or we just don't do it? Wire, we, we on, we didn't engage so much. Hold on,

Kari 14:43

hold on. The thing is, is when my hair is curly and you try to, don't touch it. You can't, if you touch it, I'm gonna look like Mufasa. Don't touch my hair. So wait a minute. Mufasa. Mufasa.

Casey 14:56

Mufasa. Mufasa. Like from the Lion King?

Kari 14:59

Yeah. He has this big mane. What does that have to do with Don't touch my hair though. Because when you break up curls they

Casey 15:05

get bigger. He

Kari 15:06

had very straight hair. Listen, male with straight hair. You don't understand. When you alter the structure of curls, they just get bigger. I

Casey 15:19

understand that. I was curious the comparison to a lion with straight hair.

Kari 15:25

Because my, instead of my hair being to my head and curly, and then you touch it, it goes out of my head and it's no longer,

Casey 15:34

you're saying that you look like a lion if I touch your curly hair. Yes. Okay. See, now I can get on board with that. I was, it was just curiosity. No, it's fine. Straight hair. You know what kind of massage I want to experience? Anal?

Kari 15:46

No.

Casey 15:47

He does not like anal. A Nuru massage. Oh, what kind? N U R U. Nuru massage. It's literally where you massage me with your entire naked body. It's like, like super oily, rub your entire body all over me.

Kari 16:03

I would absolutely love to do that. I got lumps, baby. I got a lot of lumps. I can massage you with my lumps. I just imagine one of those like massage balls with the, like, that's what I am, just with tits and ass. Oh my

Casey 16:17

god

Kari 16:19

All right, baby, let's move on to the next day So we just

Casey 16:24

got we're moving on. No, we we finished with massage day. We're now moving on to october Kink day one of our favorite days of the year Why is kink day our favorite day of the year because

Kari 16:38

kink day allows you to sit down with your partner or partners to?

Casey 16:43

You sound like you're reading out of a book.

Kari 16:45

Cool. To try a clink, a kink, clink to try a kink that you've not experienced before. This is not a normal day. This isn't like kink forward, passionate person. I love that for you. This is not a day for you to do this shit that you're used to. This is a day for you to do that is outside of your like spectrum. So if you are vanilla, try something kinky. If you're kinky, go fucking extreme. I'm going to argue. But please do,

Casey 17:16

I do not think it's all about trying something. It could be about introducing something into a conversation. Well,

Kari 17:23

yeah, that's a more like simplest form of it. Of course. Oh, because again, like there are, there are so many levels of this lifestyle, right? You got like kindergartner, you got middle school and you got high school, right? So you are speaking to like kindergartner, nothing, they know nothing about kink and you're right. This is a day too. What if you don't even know what kink fucking means? Yeah, you got no clue.

Casey 17:53

Well, then you found this podcast, hopefully, right? And you can hear what we have to say about it.

Kari 17:58

But kink day to me is just exploring the next level. It doesn't matter what level you stand at. This is your opportunity to. Take it to the next, whether that be just visually watching it.

Casey 18:15

That's a good way to introduce yourself. So one of the things I like to talk about here is whenever somebody wants to open up to kink, but they're like, I don't know where to begin. And that's

Kari 18:24

a good, that's a great place to begin is knowing where to get

Casey 18:28

first thing you can do is it's a, it encompasses a lot. I mean, that's what we've

Kari 18:32

had.

Casey 18:32

One of the coolest things is that as out of context or abnormal, as you think the thing you want to do might be, might be, is it's, it's more normal than you think. Yeah, this is one of the biggest things that we've seen in research over the past, probably a decade or so is that whenever we look at kink, so many people think that the thing that they're into is like this unique big thing, but. And actuality, a lot of people are into that. It's probably a fairly common thing for you to be

Kari 19:02

into. Like you basic bitch King.

Casey 19:04

But, but you, what you should do is, is take an opportunity to research that thing that you might be into do that on October 6th. Now let's move on. October 17th is ass day. It's like tits, but the opposite. And I think

Kari 19:20

they ask day or no ass. Oh, love

Casey 19:24

ass. It's get on track, put your book down, put your book down and get on track.

Kari 19:32

I'm so distracted when you say ass though. Ass day, that could be taking pictures of your ass that could be watching like an anal porno for the first time, because I will say the very first time that I had like really got into porn, anal was not something that I like gravitated towards. I, I even thought it like taboo early on. You know, which like now I'm like, I fucking love DP. Like, let's do this shit, but

Casey 20:00

you jump from anal to DP.

Kari 20:02

Yeah. Like I know I'm extreme. Like I see it now. What's the most, you know,

Casey 20:07

I would like to see you fisting someone in the ass.

Kari 20:11

What's fisting day. I'm sure we,

Casey 20:14

And actuality that's next on October 21st. October. There's the laugh. October 21st is international fisting day. Guys, this

Kari 20:23

was not on purpose.

Casey 20:25

You were talking about like fisting in the ass. We're talking about, you're talking about this.

Kari 20:30

Fisting doesn't just like, it's not exclusively to the ass. I feel like it's more like predominantly thought

Casey 20:38

of. One of the things we love to do is take this calendar and help people implement it. Without feeling like they're going outside of their comfort zone. So whether it's educating yourself on what it means, performing an act, watching adult videos around the, the act, just having a conversation with someone around you about it, all of it can be, can be implemented in some way, shape, or form. And to fist like This is one where I'm like, Hey, listen if you typically use two fingers, go to three, if you use three, go to four, if you

Kari 21:09

use four, we're not telling you fish, your fucking partner, what we're saying is explore the next level. Yes. And, and, and again, we, we talked about it earlier. Maybe it could be that you watch porn around the act. It doesn't mean that you have to do it. It just means explore

21:27

it.

Casey 21:28

Yeah, for sure. Okay. So let's move on to who was a good one. November 4th day before my birthday. Hey, there's a good sex toy day.

Kari 21:39

Or this is before your birthday. You are the king of sex toys. I have never in my life been with someone that was more like geared towards sex toys than you. I love

Casey 21:52

sex toys. I think that anything that adds to the sexual experience is more than welcome. I don't understand this stigma or, or like people have been like, Oh, if you use a sex toy, it means you can't get the job done. That's not the case whatsoever. What is the case is that you're, you're adding a new layer of play, let's use some glass, let's use some various forms of vibrators. Let's use some like ropes. Let's use some chains and whip. Like all of those to me are sex toys. And if you can find ways to just bring them in so many people, Oh my God.

Kari 22:28

What did we do as children? We played with toys. This is no different. That's why they call them sex toys. Get outside your comfort, have some fun. And, and you

Casey 22:39

remember the scene in Armageddon or Ben Affleck

Kari 22:43

the animal,

Casey 22:45

you're getting, you're getting ahead of me. You're getting ahead of me where Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler are lying there. It is. I know, but damn it.

Kari 22:54

Carrie, I'm sorry. I know you. Yes, I was never more attracted to a navel. In my life, then he was like, the, the, the bad stumps up the, the, the aroused in that scene. I don't even want to talk about it. All right. Yes. I know what you're talking

Casey 23:14

about. I'm making a sound bite out of that. Please don't.

Kari 23:18

I'll make you a better sound bit than what that just was. But honey, we all know the scene you're talking about.

Casey 23:24

Those are sex toys. That to me is a sex toy. So anything that you can use around you, but our opportunity there is to explore and our favorite way to say that is to go to your local sex shop together. We've said this so many times in the past. A lot. Be loud. Talk to the sales associate. Well, you know, we went to the sex shop the other day and we were like, Hey, what are some of the new things you guys are seeing for 2024? And so we started getting, and we'll be releasing probably our own little list of what to look for, but we were, we were getting some great information on what. New technologies coming out, what things are becoming more popular, what things are decreasing in popularity and how you can access those. So be on the lookout for that as well. Next up we have November 23rd national polyamory day. Everybody in an open relationship. Raise your hands. Air sell.

Kari 24:17

All right. You know, we're actually, we have a parade for polyamory, you know, we have parades for all this shit. Let's just have a parade in Dallas for polyamory. Bring everyone together. Huh. There would be way too much lube and condoms needed for that.

Casey 24:34

I don't know. Pride has enough of that. I love my pride people and there is so much loop and economists are a plenty. I'd be curious to see like who has more, but I feel like those, those, the, the communities are so intertwined in that

Kari 24:49

sense. At this point we are and I fucking love that. I love that like just like sexual openness is, is becoming more fluid between gays and straights. Like it's not just about Oh, you're not gay, you're straight, but you're poly. Like, no, it's become this like family and I just fucking love it because love is love. Yes. Sex is sex. Love is love. Let's just,

Casey 25:14

and in Fort Worth, we love our saying that's been introduced. Y'all means all

Kari 25:18

about goddamn time. Yeah. All

Casey 25:20

right. Next date. Get onto it. All right. So next step we have December 20 national orgasm day. So we already went over international orgasm day. This is just, it's like international orgasm day on a smaller scale. So whatever the U S population is, I hope everyone has simultaneous orgasms. Yeah. Across the board, all at the same time. I mean, that's the best goal, right? Yeah, just make sure they're real. We don't fake orgasms in

Kari 25:45

this household. Oh my God. Thank you. I was just talking about this today and I was like, if you fake an orgasm, you are doing yourself a disservice. It is not even the person that you're with a disservice. It's you. A disservice because you are so hung up on achieving this. Performance goal. Yeah. That like, stop it. Enjoy it. Have fun. Yeah. Feel, feel what's happening to you without the mindset of I need to come. I need to make them feel that I'm coming and I, and I fucking. Thinking about this, because again, I was talking about this earlier today and the person I was talking to was like, no, I have, I want, I don't have to, I want to make them feel like I am enjoying this just as much. But why do you have to fake orgasm to make them feel like you're enjoying it as much? Why can you not just be a female that enjoys it? Without the actual act,

Casey 26:55

we live in a performance society. I know we, we, the standard, the standard of sex within Western culture is about performance. It is about this, like, I don't know why I do know why actually we've been, we've been taught this narrative that. My goal in sex is to make her come. My goal in sex is to make him come. My goal in sex is to make them come. We've removed the want to be like, no, it's about the journey and about just enjoying pleasure

Kari 27:27

about being

Casey 27:28

together, about enjoying each other and about pleasure, and it's been like, no. It's about the orgasm because the orgasm is the affirmation that I need to know that I'm doing a good job because there's someone tell me I'm doing a good job, but

Kari 27:42

I mean, honestly, Casey, I'll be very transparent with you. Like that changed in the last five years in our relation, you needed to know that I came and you, not in a bad way, but it was just like, did you come, did you come? Did you come? But that wasn't a me thing. And that wasn't a you thing that was engraved.

Casey 28:02

And also in that, that didn't stem from that stems from a lot of like me in my, my words of affirmation are a big one, like in terms of love language, words of affirmation are always big with me. So being like, it was less about me accomplishing. And it's more about like, are you having a good time? Yeah. Is this something that you enjoy? But I And the marker for that was orgasm. Orgasm, right. At the time, not realizing that it's not

Kari 28:31

about the orgasm. You just have

Casey 28:32

a good time. Yeah. I love you too.

Kari 28:34

Are we having fun? I love the intimacy. Right. Are you not entertained?

Casey 28:39

So that, I mean that really like wraps up the year. So the, the, where does it go? Like national

Kari 28:46

dress up

Casey 28:46

day, national dress up day, every day. Right. National co play day,

Kari 28:52

like Riley, you know, like national spanking day. Come on guys. We got plenty of days. I know, but we, we curated, but we our own national day. Well, we

Casey 29:01

curated a lot of these from various sources. True. And the, what we did is we included the ones that we saw mentioned at least three times. Yeah. It's one thing to be like, here's a calendar that where everything is mentioned. Versus here's some, what we would consider recognized days. So we went off of that

Kari 29:21

and we've, I mean, you know, from the podcast and everything that we've really done like a diver deep in. And so, yeah, I, I agree with what you're saying. It's not just like, Oh no, this is just random day. Like. No, this is a day that like people say, okay, listen, I have a game. I want to play with you. Do you want to play with me? Yeah, I've

Casey 29:42

always, you want to play with what game? You have a book in your hand. Is this the book you were

Kari 29:47

looking at? So listen guys we went to five below and through this little storm that is Texas. I love

Casey 29:55

that we were at five.

Kari 29:58

This is the start of a great story, five below,

Casey 30:01

which is next to half price books for us.

Kari 30:04

At least it makes like the five below trip, like meaningful. But we were at five below and they have this section set out for like Valentine's day. And so I was just like, I love journals. Like I love journals for no fucking reason. And so I was like in their section for Valentine's and I found this book and it's called the List, what's that mean? List it. It's like icky. It's gross. Is it like the burn book? I mean, kinda. Well, no, the burn book is more like specifics. This is like, instead of it being like specific to names, this is like, um, to acts

Casey 30:41

around a really, okay. So it's, it's things that like, it's like, it's a book or like a, like a book of red flags.

Kari 30:47

Yes. That's actually what it would have made more sense.

Casey 30:51

The book of red flags. Yes. I prefer the book of green flags.

Kari 30:56

We all want red flags. Hey, let's look at the good things. I don't want red flags. You're a red flag for a reason. But, I think that this book is really interesting because it gives you, like, a perspective to a dating that you, Casey, have not experienced before. Because you've been with me for how many f cking years? Fourteen. What the f ck do you know about dating? Do I know about dating?

Casey 31:22

Like, yeah, at this point, you know, more than I do about dating. True. But you've been on more dates than I have

Kari 31:30

any dates.

Casey 31:32

Me. Yeah, I know. That was the point.

Kari 31:36

That's why I've been on more. But what I'm going to bring to you are like red flags early on. Relationship and I want to like pin specifically because I'd really love to know like your perspective. Okay.

Casey 31:49

So to clarify, you're going to ask me questions.

Kari 31:52

I think they all got that. Yeah.

Casey 31:54

Yeah. That was for me. Not for them. Oh,

Kari 31:57

I'm calling you Bay immediately. Call me Bay Bay before anyone else. I'm fine with that. Really? So some chick that you just met just starts calling you bae and you're fine with that just met. Oh, is it? Oh, is this first date? First date? Yes. This is like immediate, immediate.

Casey 32:20

I think that I would, I would probably be like a little bit taken aback. Like you

Kari 32:24

talked to her twice and she was like, Hey bae.

Casey 32:27

Yeah. I'd probably be taken aback by that. I think that there's many, many good words that are out there. I am a lover of words, so I think that there's a much larger vocabulary you could access and instead of resorting to Bay,

Kari 32:40

especially because that means like for anyone else, that's like top tier,

Casey 32:47

Let's steer away from acronyms in the first day or two.

Kari 32:51

Honestly, thank you. Cause that's where I was at. And I was like, if someone said Bay to me. That quickly, that would, that's a red flag. I'm like, nah, I'm good.

Casey 32:59

Yeah. It depends. I mean, I feel like it would, I would, I would respond to that with an inquiry. I'd be like, what is, what, what does Bay mean to you? No, to this person, I know the literal interpretation. I mean, to them personally, whenever you, whenever I would ask that person, whenever you call someone Bay, what do you mean by that? Are you ready for the next one?

Kari 33:20

Yeah. When they refer to themselves as an alpha,

Casey 33:27

I would say, get the fuck out, which is interesting. I cannot stand. I consider alpha culture, toxic masculinity, 100%. I, those terms are mutually inclusive. Okay. That's toxic masculinity. And alpha to me are mutually inclusive. I cannot fucking stand alpha. I think it is just the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Like I could go on a rant for this for the next 30 minutes. That's

Kari 33:54

very whole podcast episode on men that call them or anyone alpha culture as

Casey 34:00

a whole, as a whole. I think is okay. Next I just, yeah, move on. Next

Kari 34:06

question before it gets too heated. All right. You ready? Yeah. Snapping their fingers at the server to get their attention. So

Casey 34:15

as, as former service industry, yes, because that's not, that's not proper etiquette whenever trying to get a service attention, you don't snap your fingers at someone like that. That level of being like, I'm superior to you to me is, is, is a red flag. It should be like, Hey Look at your surroundings, what's going on right now, get the server's attention in a different way. Whenever they're walking by you, a wave is fine if you can catch their eyes, but the snap is insulting.

Kari 34:45

So I've done the ma'am. Is that inappropriate? I go ma'am. Is that is that bad?

Casey 34:51

Oh, that's subjective. Why? Because I'm not a ma'am. Thank

Kari 34:57

you, asshole. I would say if you were, I'd be like, Sir, sir, but hey, in all honesty, right now, like, that's difficult for me, and I'm curious on how you feel about that, but that has always been my way to get their attention without the snapping. That one throws

Casey 35:15

me for a bit of a loop, because On the one hand, you want to be polite and be like, excuse me, ma'am, but you also don't want to sound like the Karen of the group, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, as long as it's done in a friendly tone and polite, I think it's okay.

Kari 35:31

Okay. I like that. Okay. Ready? Ooh, I don't, I don't know that you've ever done this, but it says ordering for you without even asking now, mind you, the, no, no, no, no, no. These are like, Oh, early on. These are early

Casey 35:46

on. So there's a couple of things there. One, have you had the conversation about how you like to do things? Have you had the conversation about. What they like, what you like, if this is first date, no, don't order for them.

Kari 36:05

I'm not going to lie. I am a big, that's a huge turn on for me. If you're going to order for me, like, that's a big thing for me. But if we're first dating and you were just to be like, I'm going to order this for you. I've been like, why are you doing that? Like, I

Casey 36:22

All right. Ask

Kari 36:22

me something else. Okay, oops, sorry. Next question. Oh so what if you're on a date first date and they send their first date back?

Casey 36:33

I'm fine with that. Me too. I think

Kari 36:35

that's just that's not like, no, that's not a character flaw or whatever. Like, that's just my food, right? That's

Casey 36:43

a person just asking for now. See, this is

Kari 36:47

a super vague, this one was a, no, this one was specific enough. I'm sorry. I didn't read it. I said, because it's not hot enough, it did give it like

Casey 36:56

a, yeah, no, I think that's fine. I think that if you're a food arrives cold. And you, and you recognize that and you politely tell the server, Hey, excuse me, let you know by my food arrived cold. I would like it fixed. Yeah. You're paying money for it. That's fine. Are you insulting the server? Excuse me. And like being an asshole about it, then we have a problem and we can talk about it. But if you're doing it in a polite manner that just lets the person know, Hey, this is messed up. I'd like this redone. That's all well and good. I have no issue with that.

Kari 37:27

I, I honestly, I, I agree at that point. And you're, you've been a server like you understand, like, that's not, that's not a, you think from the server to the person, like that's a different situation.

Casey 37:38

I mean, it could be the server. If

Kari 37:39

that, I mean, yeah, that's fair, but anyway, we're not going there. I get what you're saying, but so the next question was. If you go in for the hug, but they just want like the handshake, how would you feel like going in for the hug? Because to me, a hug is like, it's not that much, but some people can take hugs more aggressively. So what if you like first date? For the hug and she was like, no, like, how would you feel

Casey 38:08

at the, at the, in the, with the knowledge I have now, my response to that is that if I was going to give a hug, I'd be like, Hey, can I give you a hug? I would ask for

Kari 38:16

consent. No, that's true. And that's the thing. That's the difference between what this book is like representing is because you already understand like the consent aspect, right? Like you were going to ask before you do something like that. It doesn't matter if you're on a date, you are going to ask, Hey, do I have permission to, you and

Casey 38:31

I have already agreed, like consent sexy. That's what is so fucking in right now is that, and then we've talked about this, like in photos we've taken with friends or like, if I'm going to have somebody next to me, Hey, can I put my arm around you? Yeah. Hey, can I give you a hug? Would it be okay if I kiss you? Like just ask instead of, instead of playing with this body language, sign language, all sorts of stuff to try to figure out these mixed signals, just be straightforward. Ask and that's fucking okay to do. In fact, it's sexy whenever someone's like, holy shit, they thought about my emotions enough to actually ask me if I was okay for this. Like what's what the fuck is more sexy than that?

Kari 39:12

I will say since we've been more into this like lifestyle consent. Has elevated in a way that I've never thought possible, you know, I was working with a girl today behind the chair and this is a someone that we really admire. We, you know, we, we've seen her on stage and I'm cutting her hair and she goes, before I tell you the story, may I get consent before I do that? Like, what the fuck? Like, no client has ever said, can I just like dump my life on you? Is it okay before I

Casey 39:50

get really deep with you and like reveal things and talk to you

Kari 39:54

in depth about stuff? Do I have permission? And honestly, being 14 years behind the chair, that was the sexiest thing I've ever heard.

Casey 40:05

Usually I sit down like, let me tell you about all my in depth details. I know, because people just

Kari 40:09

sit down and I'm sorry, but sometimes people treat hairdressers like a fool. Fucking garbage bag. I'm just, I'm going to come in and I'm going to sit and I got to tell you all the fucked up shit and I just want you to listen and you have to deal with it because I'm paying you money and you just need to listen and that's honestly how a lot of us feel and it gets really fucking hard to take in everyone's emotional trauma while you're like smiling and everything's great because I'm doing your hair and it's. Fine, but there's no consent given,

Casey 40:41

but to have someone come in and say, Hey, you know, I have some things that I would like to really kind of talk about. And are you okay with that? And then it gets you to be in the mindset of being like, hell yeah. Like, yeah,

Kari 40:54

sure. Of course. Thanks for asking. Finally, someone asked me, you know, um, so the very last one that I'm going to present to you was And again, these are all like early date situations was what if they lean in for the kiss, that's not what you were doing. That's not what you're ready

Casey 41:15

for. So if, if someone tried to kiss me and I wasn't ready for

Kari 41:18

it. Yeah. Like you went on a date with the anyone and, and they were like the end of the night. Okay. I'm going to kiss you. How would you feel about that interaction without. It's oddly enough that we're talking about consent and that's what the last question led with, but like, how would you trying to kiss you and you didn't say that they could, again, this question is very exclusive to it happening to

Casey 41:41

you. I know because that's where I'm like, usually. As, and I'll bring this up again, usually like as the, the cisgender heterosexual male, it's like, that's the expectation. You go in for the kiss and you read the situation and all that. So to have it. So how do you feel

Kari 41:56

about being that, like, that role? Because I have no fucking clue what that feels like. Like, how do you feel in that? I mean, how did you feel the first night that we went on a date? Like, was it nervous for you to like, I know, but that was like a drunken bullshit, whatever. And I, and it happened, but like on top of my car, I'm trying to be professional. I'm not a slut. No. But like. Say we went to the movies and it was our next date and this was our serious date. There was no alcohol involved. You weren't like partying with friends. This wasn't at 2 a. m. Like, how did you feel about trying to position me for a kiss?

Casey 42:37

See, I'm a little confused right now because the question was, how would I feel if I was the person being pursued? And I feel like you're asking if I was the pursuer. So what role am I taking? Okay. If I'm the one being pursued and I don't want, and I didn't necessarily want it. Yeah. I'd pull back. I would,

Kari 42:54

you wouldn't like feel this like weird like, nah, I gotta oblige.

Casey 42:58

It's, it's, this is interesting because this is like as I am now. Yeah. If this was 15 years ago True. I probably would've just rolled with it. Yeah. And then been like, okay. And then walked off as I am now. I probably would've pulled back and then I would probably would've had a discussion or like, it's like, Hey, I'm friendly. Conver a conversation. Been like, Hey, I actually wasn't really feeling a kiss right now. Uhhuh. Like, I love the fact that you're leaning in and you're, you're feeling all this, but I'm not, this isn't where I'm at right now.

Kari 43:26

Isn't it crazy how like much of a change that's happened to us just for like doing everything that we're doing to understand that we're like allowed to say

Casey 43:35

no, it's okay to say no. Oh my God. That's a crazy

Kari 43:39

thing. It's not even that. It's okay. It's like I can do that. Yeah.

Casey 43:47

But if it was, as you said, because both sides, if it was the other way around, if I leaned in to kiss someone and they pulled back, I would probably have a little bit of embarrassment because I do try to read the situation beforehand, I don't want to just lean in to kiss somebody if I don't think that they are willing to accept it, but if they pull back and they're like, Whoa, that's not where I'm at, I'd probably feel a little embarrassed, but I'd still be able to regain and be like, That's fine. Would you apologize? I don't think I would apologize for it. Okay. I'm just curious. And that, that toes a line because I, I, man, would I apologize for that? I don't think so. I think that I'd be like,

Kari 44:26

Oh man. Okay. Fair. I'd be like,

Casey 44:29

all right, fair. I would apologize if I made you uncomfortable. Okay. That's yeah. I wouldn't apologize for my, for me being forward about things, but I'd probably be like, Hey, sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Okay. That sounds like you. It wasn't my intention to create discomfort. Yeah. I, I misread the situation, but I wouldn't apologize for actually trying to take the action. Can

Kari 44:49

I ask you to misread my situation? Oh,

Casey 44:53

absolutely. Let's go. What you got? Hold on. Let me pour it.

Kari 44:58

Like, no, we're done. I'm so horny right now. And that was a bottle of whiskey of the cap that you might've just heard. Oh, it's celebratory.

Casey 45:08

It is celebratory. So no, go ahead. I want to misread your situation. Open

Kari 45:12

air. Cheers. Cheers.

Casey 45:15

I thought you were actually asking me a situation. You're just having sexual innuendos. Those are sexual innuendos. Misread my

Kari 45:25

situation. My windows, baby. I'm so horny right now. I'm so sorry.

Casey 45:30

Who are you apologizing to?

Kari 45:32

Viewers, the listeners, the, all of it. I'm so sorry. I'm really fucking horny. Can we end this episode? Yeah,

Casey 45:38

for sure. For another episode of come with Casey. We're your hosts. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders.

Kari 45:45

He's going to be so mad for these edits. Liar.