When I Think About You I Touch Myself

Welcome to Masturbation May!

Today we are talking about modern masturbation including the toy industry FINALLY diversifying in their toys for penis owners!

We are also inviting you to the most wonderful gothic themed burlesque show in existence, NIGHTSHADE BURLESUE! This event occurs every first Friday of the month at The Cicada in Fort Worth Texas

Mentioned
Nightshade Burlesque
The Cicada

Transcript

Casey: 0:00

Welcome to masturbation. May.

Kari: 0:04

I have been looking forward to this month. Truthfully, because there's a lot to talk about. We don't

Casey: 0:10

masturbate for 11 months out of the year, but once May hits,

Kari: 0:13

it is on. No, it's a five times a

Casey: 0:16

day.

Kari: 0:17

No, it's a great topic to discuss. And I mean, obviously we do our research. We look at a lot of different things and I couldn't write enough. Or I couldn't not write enough about it. I mean, the list, I don't know how to say that properly. There was so much shit to talk about. I know

Casey: 0:34

I'm over here. We're like, I know I could. I could not. I

Kari: 0:37

couldn't not. I don't know,

Casey: 0:40

but I was always terrible with the double negatives.

Kari: 0:42

I'm you know, I'm really bad. What's the one that you fucking hate when everyone was like, I couldn't be more excited. What me? Yeah. That's the one that you're like, no, you could be,

Casey: 0:53

I couldn't care less. I couldn't care less. That's what it is. I could versus could not. Yes. Somebody says I could care less. I'm like, all right. Okay. That's the one.

Kari: 1:04

Okay. So let's backtrack a bit because we have some stuff that we want to talk about before masturbation.

Casey: 1:09

Welcome to come with Casey

Kari: 1:10

or

Casey: 1:12

your host. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders

Kari: 1:14

and I'm just Carrie

Casey: 1:15

and you're just Carrie. Just carry, minimize yourself, marginalize yourself.

Kari: 1:19

It's just been a while since I've introduced myself that way. So I thought it fitting.

Casey: 1:23

It's been a while. We haven't been doing as many episodes recently as we have in the past.

Kari: 1:27

Don't call attention to that.

Casey: 1:28

I will. We're human. No it's not a mistake. It's more by design and you'll all get there whenever you get there and you'll be happy you did. But this episode, so we're going to talk about a few things before we really get into the core topic, which is all about touching yourself. And we're going to allow everyone to experience the pleasure of touching yourselves, but not quite yet. We're going to edge. You got to

Kari: 1:47

tease it. Yeah, we're going to edging. There it is. That's so much better edging. You're right.

Casey: 1:51

So let's start it off by calling attention to, um, by the time that you're hearing this tonight. Is the one year anniversary of some of our, what have become some of our close friends.

Kari: 2:03

Yeah. We hung out with them this weekend.

Casey: 2:05

Exactly.

Kari: 2:06

That's crazy.

Casey: 2:07

So if you were a fan of burlesque, not only burlesque, but you're a fan of like inclusive burlesque, and you're a fan of the unique

Kari: 2:17

like goth at burlesque, the extravagance,

Casey: 2:19

the show. I mean,

Kari: 2:21

they really like toy. I don't think that burlesque has boundaries. But if they did, then Nightshade Burlesque is like a big fuck you to those. Yes. Like they go above and beyond. They're always bringing new acts. They have these unique, fun themes. Um, but with it being their one year anniversary, the show is going to be fucking insane. Yes.

Casey: 2:44

Tonight. of this episode is the one year anniversary of nightshade burlesque. We've got our usual table that we get every month. We're bringing some friends, some virgin. We

Kari: 2:54

always bring noobs. That's like our thing. If you have never seen a burlesque show, if you have never heard of nightshade, you are who we want to take. Yeah, we want

Casey: 3:03

y'all to come join our table.

Kari: 3:04

I want to shock

Casey: 3:05

you.

Kari: 3:06

The last time we took, and this one's going to be

Casey: 3:08

shocked and off.

Kari: 3:09

It is the last time we took a couple. Um, the male of this couple, this was his very first time ever

Casey: 3:15

totally getting a message from the person.

Kari: 3:17

Oh, I will. Cause you're going to get a message

Casey: 3:19

From the wife of this couple. That's like, you're talking about us. Yes. We're going. Yeah. Um, yes, we are.

Kari: 3:24

Not only did this individual get to experience like. The death drops of all death drops.

Casey: 3:32

That's true.

Kari: 3:33

It was at his side. Like I have never seen a death drop that close, much less like newbie at his side. And then there was a male. Performer that stripped. I had never seen that before. Oh,

Casey: 3:48

That was the, uh, the opera singer. The opera singer.

Kari: 3:50

This is the most talented and like, and he sings for the Dallas Opera?

Casey: 3:56

No, Houston.

Kari: 3:57

Oh, Houston. Houston, okay. Houston Opera. And he literally came on, he was like, I wanna be part of your show and I'm gonna strip while singing opera. What? Like,

Casey: 4:05

that's exactly what

Kari: 4:06

they did. That's a thing. It was so disrobe while the most majestic internal voice, it's still in my soul. I can hear him. And we had an absolute blast with this. We always do. Like we said, there's never a dull moment when we go to these shows. So if you would like to look up nightshade burlesque, they are on Instagram. Uh, it's probably the best way to see what they have up and coming, but they sell tickets. They sell VIP, they sell just regular door tickets. Um, but it is an event to, to be at. And not only that, but you're also going to get vendors. They have people that come out. We do. We have some friends of

Casey: 4:45

ours. We've got a very close friend of ours out there and her jewelry is fantastic. Last time we were there, she had introduced, I don't know if it was new, but it was new to me. She had introduced a new line where she was crafting small knives. So they were like, it was like cutlery on a necklace.

Kari: 5:02

Yes.

Casey: 5:03

There

Kari: 5:03

was like

Casey: 5:05

butcher knives and chef's knives and all. It was very horror themed in my opinion, but it was all functional. They were sharpened. They were ready to go. Did you know that

Kari: 5:13

she made the headpiece for my wedding?

Casey: 5:15

I did know that.

Kari: 5:16

Isn't that crazy?

Casey: 5:17

Of course I'm aware of

Kari: 5:18

that. I mean, we got married how many years

Casey: 5:20

ago? This was 2015. Yeah. 2015.

Kari: 5:23

Yeah. So how many years ago?

Casey: 5:25

Well, five plus five is 10. So, you know, here's the thing for 2020.

Kari: 5:28

I don't write a date

Casey: 5:29

plus

Kari: 5:30

four for 2024. I don't ever write a date. I don't have a job that I have to write a date. I don't ever have to do that. So I actually wrote something out for my son the other day and I was like, what year is this? And he gave me this like such like bleak look, like I'm an idiot. And I'm like, first of all, son, you have to write your date every day. I never have to ever. So, yeah. Um, however many years that we've been married, that we have no of this individual and they are insanely talented and again, it's Oh, Fortuna. Oh,

Casey: 6:01

H F. Yeah.

Kari: 6:02

O

Casey: 6:02

R T U N A.

Kari: 6:03

Yeah. And most times they have booths set up at all these fun, unique events.

Casey: 6:07

Yeah. So come check out Nightshade Burlesque. Uh, by the time you're hearing this, the show will be sold out.

Kari: 6:13

Yes, but you can get on board for next month, the first

Casey: 6:16

Friday of

Kari: 6:17

every month. At

Casey: 6:18

the Cicada.

Kari: 6:19

Yep.

Casey: 6:20

In Fort Worth.

Kari: 6:21

Oh, God. Is that the Gemini show?

Casey: 6:23

The Gemini? Because it's June. What is it? What makes it the Gemini show? Because it's June. No, that makes the people would be, there's people, but I don't think the show has a Zodiac. That would be cool

Kari: 6:36

though. They should do a Zodiac show. If any of y'all are listening, y'all should do a Zodiac show and let me be a part of it. We're doing

Casey: 6:46

12 performers. 13. If you're going off the old calendars,

Kari: 6:49

right now, we don't buy by that because it alters my,

Casey: 6:54

it makes me not what I think it

Kari: 6:55

makes me a direct reflection of not how I feel. So I'm not about that. What else is

Casey: 6:59

going on? We are doing have taken upon ourselves to, uh, we're actually introducing a Shabari instructional, um, So let's break this down a little bit, Carrie and I have been into Shibari for the past year and a half that we've really dove into it. So on one level, we are we've been studying this for a while.

Kari: 7:23

You've been, you dived in, dude, you dived in deep. You were roping up chairs and everything. I can get my hands on like. He, you would send me this like, video of your leg all wrapped up in a, and I'm like, O Okay. That's amazing. Yeah. But that's what you do though, is like you learn something and you dive on like into the deep end with it. My

Casey: 7:43

neurodivergent self Yeah. Tends to take a hobby and turn it into an obsession.

Kari: 7:48

Yeah, you went. It's something I do

Casey: 7:50

and with some hobbies I dive into them deep and then I recede. And I give them away and give them up. Shabari has been something that I have taken very close to heart. It speaks to me on a very deep level. And I love every single thing about it. We have talked with Shabari experts. We have from around the world at this point.

Kari: 8:10

I do think that Shabari has probably been our biggest guests. Appearance has been people. That's been the thing we've talked about the most on the show. Yeah. And so,

Casey: 8:20

so we decided to do after this much time of really diving in. Well, and

Kari: 8:24

how many people have asked

Casey: 8:26

for it? Yes. That's been the other driving factor. The other variable is that we've had many people say, Hey, we don't really have much about much like that in Fort worth that's outside of maybe a dungeon setting.

Kari: 8:38

Yeah.

Casey: 8:38

Um, do y'all have any plans to maybe instruct a class? And so we took it upon ourselves to construct and release An introductory class for bedroom play when it comes to Shabari. So we're going to be hosting is on May 26th of this year. We're going to be hosting this month of this month, right? We're going to be hosting an intro to Shabari class. We're going to be going over basic knots. Basic frictions. We're going to be going over, uh, anatomy of rope, anatomy of the human body. We're going to be going over consent. We're going to be going over

Kari: 9:12

how to be a bottom and what that means and what that looks like and how to be a bottom and

Casey: 9:17

a top.

Kari: 9:17

Yeah. And how to incorporate into your bedroom. Um, because here's the thing, like, yes, you can take Shabari and go the most extreme version of that and get into the suspension and the like subspace, and that is a whole other version of what we are trying to teach for this class. This is Shabari 101. And again, you're having a doctor teach you the aspects of the body and the location of the body in which you want to tie in areas that you don't want to tie. Yeah. Because at the end of the day. It's about the comfort and the safety of your bottom. And so that's why I do feel like this class is going to be such an amazing experience if you're trying to learn, because it is going to be, we say couples that just means more than one. That doesn't mean you're a couple.

Casey: 10:04

Um, so we, whenever we say couples, we more mean partners. Yeah.

Kari: 10:07

If you're

Casey: 10:07

a partner of two of three of four, whatever it is. We are accepting of monogamous, we're accepting of open poly. If you have partners, like it's okay to bring each other.

Kari: 10:19

Yeah. Basically it's just who was going to be the one tying and who was going to be the one getting tied. And we're going to give you one or ones where, yeah, but we're going to give you both perspectives. And that's one thing that I feel like I've seen a lot about when it comes to these different classes and the things that they offer, not always. Is it on both ends or they might hyper focus on one side of it being the rigor, uh, being the one tying and maybe a little less on the rope bunny or the bottom or whatever phrase that you prefer to, to be called. So, um, our tickets are available now. If you go into our Instagram page there, it's the first, um, it's the only, it's the only link. So there's no confusion. You just go on there, you click on it. Um, but if for whatever reason you're having issues with the payment, uh, just shoot us a message. There are other forms that we are accepting payments when it comes to the class. Um, but understand that this is also going to come with a rope that then you and whoever you come to the class with get to take.

Casey: 11:23

That was exactly what I was about to touch on. Is that part of your entry? Is having a rope to take home

Kari: 11:29

pretty much all of their entry because these ropes are not cheap,

Casey: 11:32

correct? So everyone will every couple that attends or every partnership that all attends, we'll go home with a hank of rope. And they'll be able to use, we're going to teach you how to use it, how to take care of it, all of that kind of stuff, uh, the different types of rope and where it's going to be an overall fun time. It's going to be a super

Kari: 11:49

relaxed. It's going to be fun, like planted to come. And then also meet some of the like core people that you're going to want to hang out with later. Like we're not just doing this for like, eh, whatever, like we're trying to build a community. And the most that we hear is that people want that community built and we are not a hundred percent finding it. So fuck it. We're just going to create it. Exactly. So let's masturbate. And that was a quick jump to the next topic.

Casey: 12:16

I feel like we said all we need to say about our,

Kari: 12:18

no, we, no, we did. It's just normal. We have this like unique segue. You're just like, that's my

Casey: 12:23

unique segue today. It was

Kari: 12:24

very unique. I wonder how much time it took you to make up that one.

Casey: 12:28

A while. Yeah. I was festering at it. I was letting that one stew for a little bit.

Kari: 12:33

So it's Masturbation May, and dammit, there's a lot to talk about when it comes to that.

Casey: 12:37

There is.

Kari: 12:38

A lot. We were literally sitting down at lunch earlier and writing down all these different topics and all these subjects and different things to do with like masturbation around where it comes to self masturbation or couples masturbation. I mean, we really just.

Casey: 12:54

Have been talking about a lot The biggest thing that we see here is that we went to lunch today and we were talking about Our episode we have waitresses walking by us bartenders walking by us as we're talking about masturbation So let's talk about let's start this off with the reason for masturbating in the first place Carrie In your personal reasons in your personal opinion. Why do people masturbate?

Kari: 13:20

I mean, can I just say why I masturbate? Yeah You Okay. Um, I'm bored. I can't sleep. Um, maybe I'm teaching a class coming up and I got like some strong nerves masturbate. Um, I love morning masturbation. You know, that's why I used to love when you would go get coffee.

Casey: 13:42

Go get coffee so I can just run one out real quick. You

Kari: 13:46

go get coffee. Yes, sir. Please. No, but I mean, but there's honestly, there's a lot of reasons to masturbate. And I mean, those are some of my like personal ones and I would say like,

Casey: 13:57

let's break those down a little bit. Yeah. What was your first

Kari: 13:59

one? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think I say when I can't sleep, I don't know. You said boredom. Okay. Um, I do have time now where say I'm off work on a Thursday and I have the entire day. Um, a lot of times I do like plan out what I'm going to do, but I don't really plan out the time in between my plans.

Casey: 14:20

So maybe you have like 20, 30 minutes.

Kari: 14:23

Yeah. And the thing is it's rare. It's very rare. Rare that me, I am home by myself. It is never fucking happens. And it's really new within like this year for me to be home by myself. The last, I don't know how 15 years I've never had a day by myself. So, um, that is something that I try to like take aside and do, you know, like it's a treat yourself moment. Um, and so I can't really say it fully comes out of boredom because, you I'll be honest. I'm very rarely ever bored, but it is nice to have that like self time to please myself, put on something that I want to watch, put on something that's going to be stimulating for me and just have my own moment.

Casey: 15:11

Yeah. Okay. So we have that boredom factor.

Kari: 15:15

I mean, how often do you masturbate from being bored or when you're bored? Oh, I definitely masturbate if I'm bored.

Casey: 15:20

If I'm at home by myself and I'm like, there's not much to do. I've completed my task for the day that I wanted to get done. And I'm going, I've got like a 30 minute window. Yeah, of course. I think that boredom is a great reason to masturbate. Now I have this like back of my head feeling that there's people out there being like, well, wait a minute. Masturbation is not okay to do. Uh, masturbation is taking away from something in my life or it's a shameful act. And we. Immediately wanted to dispel any of those myths.

Kari: 15:52

I hope that people don't feel that way anymore. And I know that they do. I know that they do. But damn it. Like stop it. Stop it.

Casey: 16:00

Profound thought there.

Kari: 16:02

Well, no, I mean, Damn it, stop it. You stop it. But like, Masturbation is a very healthy function of life. And so, and I've heard it. Again I've heard it from my clients that they're like, Oh, my husband told me earlier that he masturbated and I was just grossed out and offended. I'm like, what? It's his body. Like it's his time. It's his body. You're like, you don't get to, you don't get to dictate when semen comes out of his penis. That's not your job. And to feel jealous of what his hand, the

Casey: 16:40

toy

Kari: 16:40

that he

Casey: 16:40

used. So that's the core of the question for me, whenever someone's like, I don't like it with my partner masturbates is I want to say, okay, so like, what sort of, like, what sort of reaction do you have to your partner masturbating? Is it because they're feeling pleasure? That is not. Directly a result of your, you providing it. In which case I do strongly feel like a conversation should be had because your partner self pleasuring is just a version of self love and self support.

Kari: 17:10

I mean, it's like the strongest version of self love.

Casey: 17:14

I feel like that should be encouraged in a relationship is to be like, look, the more comfortable you feel in your own skin and the more you love yourself, the more you have the capacity to love me. Yeah. And in that instance, if you're able to sit down and pleasure yourself and feel closer to yourself and comfortable with yourself, you're not taking away from our relationship. adding to yourself, which allows you to gain the capacity to care for me and us. Our relationship grows, be go jerk off. So our relationship gets better.

Kari: 17:47

So I come home and you're in a better mood.

Casey: 17:50

Yeah. I mean, that is a side effect of masturbation for sure, but there's common misconceptions that we have with masturbation where people have been told in the past, some, all right, I'm going to lift some of these off and some of me, you're going to go. People really still think this. The sad reality is, yeah, people still think there are some cultures, white American Christians, that still perpetuate these myths as if it's like a real thing, but there's no evidence to support them whatsoever. So, um, masturbation is not going to cause blindness, headaches, or vision problems.

Kari: 18:26

I wonder who came, I actually, I feel like I remember the story of who came up with that. Kellogg's. Yep. Yeah. Cause they were like, we're going to create a cereal. That's so bland. Or something like that.

Casey: 18:36

I don't have the, I would have to pull up the actual story itself, but it was something along the lines of, it was like almost an anti masturbation cereal and I'm going to have to look it up. We're going to keep talking while I look it up. But what

Kari: 18:47

was the, okay. I'm going to interrupt you and I hope it wasn't the next one that you're going to bring up was the Harry Palms.

Casey: 18:52

I think that might've been the next one. That one to me is just, I don't

Kari: 18:55

understand that one. So semen will make you grow hair on your palms. I remember hearing about that in high school and like laughing about it. And then Eminem came out with the song where he talked about like, Holy shit, hairy palms. And I was like, Oh my God, that's hilarious. And I also remember having to explain that quote to quite a few people. And they were like, why the hell did he talk about having hairy palms? I'm like, Oh, my palms is too hairy to hide. Yeah. My palms are too hairy to hide. Exactly.

Casey: 19:27

Wait, hold on. So I pulled up the masturbation one from Kellogg's, uh, in the young United States, one of the loudest anti masturbation voices was John Harvey Kellogg, a physician and devout seventh day Adventist in Battle Creek, Michigan. In addition to running the successful surgery practice, Kellogg edited good health, the church's magazine, promoting Adventist beliefs and healthy living, such as adopting a vegetarian lifestyle. Abstaining from alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, uh, and it just goes on and on to talk there. Let's see, uh, the doctor had also come to believe that sex, including masturbation, was detrimental to physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. He personally abstained from it and never consummated his marriage. Wow. He and his wife kept separate bedrooms and they adopted eight children and fostered another 34. Holy shit.

Kari: 20:16

She did all of that. And she didn't get laid. Fuck that.

Casey: 20:20

I mean, I bet she did.

Kari: 20:22

By the way, all it was saying

Casey: 20:24

was that he never consummated his marriage. I was saying he abstained. Like, come on. No,

Kari: 20:32

this one was adopted. I totally wasn't pregnant.

Casey: 20:36

Kellogg catalog, 39 different symptoms liable to affect a chronic masturbator, including general infirmity. What the fuck is that? Defective development, mood swings, fickleness, bashfulness, boldness, bad posture, stiff joints, fondness for spicy foods. That's why I love spicy food. That

Kari: 20:54

explains everything. My masturbation

Casey: 20:57

led to my love of spicy food. Acne, palpitations and epilepsy. Oh my God. I'm just, I'm not even going to read any more of this cause this is killing me. In other words, this guy was so against any sort of pleasure on the sexual side that he made a cereal around it.

Kari: 21:15

I don't know, man, that's weird to me, but

Casey: 21:19

good Lord. So, uh, what else is it saying? Masturbation is not going to make your genitals shrink or grow. So we talked about this earlier. I. Actually fell for this myth whenever I was younger. I thought that if I

Kari: 21:30

hear it, Oh, I don't even remember where I heard it.

Casey: 21:33

But I remember thinking that like, maybe it was the way, like I, I gripped myself or myself while I was masturbating. Is that going to doing that too much? Is that going to make me like smaller? Is my penis going to shrink or become less in circumference because I'm doing this, but that is not factual at all. Completely unfounded in any sort of thing. Um, the becoming addictive portion. Of things is actually still debated today. And there's this growing movement, the majority movement now, which is like. Sex isn't. Addictive as a whole masturbation is not addictive as a whole. And the other side of the argument where they say, well, you're getting a drip of serotonin or dopamine or oxytocin is that you're becoming addicted to the drip of these chemicals still. Unfounded because we have many activities in our lives, which allow for those ha in quote, happy chemicals to be provided. So you're what you're doing at that point is starting to

Kari: 22:32

scrolling on your phone. Does it? Like, it's just silly to think. Yeah.

Casey: 22:36

So saying that masturbation or sex is addictive while these other things are not, but they're producing the same result is just kind of silly.

Kari: 22:47

Yeah.

Casey: 22:47

In my opinion. Um, it's not going to cause injury or harm. It's not going to change the size of shape of your genitals. And my favorite one. It's not going to release stored up sperm or sexual fluids. There, there's no such thing as like, uh, like the buildup stored, you have fighters, you have toxic masculinity, people who are like, no, I'm going to, uh, it's semen retention is what they do. And semen retention is not a thing. You know what it is? You know what happens? It's resorbed. Semen's produced, and then it gets resorbed if it's not used. It's not sitting in your ball sack, just waiting like, we're getting more powerful by being here. We're super, I'm super sane semen. That's not a thing to happen. We'll produce

Kari: 23:36

only boys.

Casey: 23:40

But what masturbation can do for you, um, as a vulva owner yourself, it can relieve menstrual cramps. And muscle tension.

Kari: 23:47

It definitely does.

Casey: 23:48

It can be a good source of physical and emotional relaxation. So because we have some of those good chemical drips after you have an orgasm, it could relax you. So if you're doing things like there's a, an examination coming up, or you're about to travel, or there's something that's causing you some stress in your life, that's on your mind. Masturbate,

Kari: 24:06

masturbate about it. Yep.

Casey: 24:08

Say that five times fast.

Kari: 24:09

Masturbate about it. Masturbate about it. Masturbate about it. Not being literal.

Casey: 24:13

Um, it can increase circulation in the body. Uh, it doesn't say what type of circulation, but circulation nonetheless, it can increase the ability, uh, or ease to be orgasmic. So you can, this is one that we've talked about in the past is that if you have trouble or, uh, achieving orgasm, masturbate, like masturbate before sex, masturbate during sex.

Kari: 24:33

If you have trouble getting aroused. Masturbate beforehand and it's not, it doesn't mean masturbating to come. It could just be edging yourself, which edging is a whole other topic that we're going to get into in a minute and we're not quite there yet. But if you find yourself not fully aroused and then the other aspect that we're going to talk about is like being reactive to pleasure. And we

Casey: 24:52

can talk about that now. Okay, go ahead. Um, one of the big things we look at here is that You have different types of arousal with the two main types of arousal we want to touch on is being spontaneous at Spontaneous arousal versus reactive arousal now for the most part research shows that males penis owners are Spontaneous arousal types that being that we could be walking down the street and all of a sudden it's I'm horny Yeah. Uh, now on the physical side of things, it doesn't necessarily mean it's like I have an erection, but it can just be like, I have images and fantasies popping in my head. I'm horny and I'm ready to go now. Uh, for the most part, Volvo owners don't experience that spontaneous arousal. There are plenty that do, but there's more that do not. There are more that are responsive to just that it's reactive arousal. They need to engage in something that causes arousal within the body. This can be foreplay. This can be flirtatious text. This can be touched, whatever, you know, however you react.

Kari: 25:54

Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. I mean, then that's a whole other topic, but like the communication and what they need for arousal, But that's

Casey: 26:00

so pertinent to this.

Kari: 26:01

It is, but I mean, yes you're correct. And I do, I was trying not to go on a tangent cause I'm really good about that. But the reason we brought all that up is because what I was saying beforehand is yes, you could be the partner that's sitting back, touching themselves and doing things to start that arousal. If it's not as immediate, um, and there's no shame in that. And it's also on the other side. I remember when we very first started being intimate together, you were the first guy that ever touched himself while we were together. And I was like, um, that's my job. Kind of, but just more of like, I more felt like I was doing something wrong because you were then touching yourself for arousal. And then I was like, no, actually, that's actually hot for you to be doing that and stumbling yourself and then.

Casey: 26:54

Absolutely. It was also something that we had discussed where we discussed, like you touching yourself while we're at, while we're having sex. And if that was something okay or not, okay. To which my response is always like, absolutely. For me, it's like, for me, that's a visual turn on. It's like, yes, touch yourself while we're together. That like that just adds to the pleasure and then, but I hadn't been

Kari: 27:14

with people in the past that they were not okay with that. They thought that I wasn't, that like I wasn't feeling good and so I had to like step in and do it myself when that really wasn't necessarily the case. Which

Casey: 27:25

is the stem from that large myth that men are told that it's like, no, you're responsible for your partner's pleasure, which is. Not factual. No, we are all responsible for our own team effort. Exactly. And especially in the bedroom, it's, it shouldn't be. I'm going to cause you to orgasm, change your thought process to, I'm going to facilitate the context in which you achieve orgasm. Yeah. Not I'm doing it for you, but I'm going to help you get there. Like that to me is a huge one. And I always enjoy talking about that because I've talked to a ton of men who are like, no, I'm going to make her come. Um, Not with that attitude. You

Kari: 28:06

know how you're not gonna make her come with that attitude. Yeah, that's fair Well, I'm the other topic that we kind of like briefly touched on and then we moved away Edging let's go into edging

Casey: 28:21

if you've listened to our show for any length of time You've probably extensively heard of us talk about edging Yeah, but for those that are still kind of going like I've heard about it I kind of know what it is. How can I engage it at myself? Edging is building towards climax and then backing off right before climax occurs. So this can be done, uh, masturbating on a solo level of just getting yourself really close, which actually can also be beneficial because it takes some self control to not orgasm. At that point, you have all this like arousal going, you have all these good feeling chemicals going through the bloodstream. And now you're like, I just want to come. But if you stop yourself from doing it, it teaches you a little bit of self control there. So if you can back off from that, Um, and then build up and back off and do that multiple times. And as we're saying, edge yourself, it can lead to some really cool results, including an intense, intensified orgasm, as well as if you're a penis owner, this can actually lead to becoming, uh, multi orgasmic, which is a bit, which is a big one that it's like, guys can't do that. Yeah. Yeah, you can. Yes, you can.

Kari: 29:26

You can. It's

Casey: 29:27

not necessarily going to be like the same intensity of orgasm as maybe like a primary climax whenever you actually ejaculate.

Kari: 29:34

Yeah.

Casey: 29:35

However, you can get through these really amazing feelings just by edging and whether that be done by yourself or a partner. is unimportant. It's just that it happened in the first place.

Kari: 29:46

Yeah. I mean, you have really explored into having more of like multiple orgasms through edging.

Casey: 29:52

Yeah, it works. Yeah. It's something, and that's, I mean, personal experience and academic readings, it works at yourself and do it a few times.

Kari: 30:02

And honestly, for like the Volvo owners listening, It's great if you edge and then stop and then edge and then stop. And then you're almost like this. You get to be like the dominated version of yourself while being the bratty version of yourself. And it's just really fun like game that you can kind of play. But I will say when you finally let yourself come, it's. Much more intense than just like rubbing one off real quick. If you have the time, like you have the time to sit there and like, take a bath and relax. You have time to like do your makeup regimen or your nightly routine. Like why not take the time with your vulva? And stretch it out a little bit. And I will say I'm even guilty of that. Like I'll just like

Casey: 30:49

stretch. Whatever

Kari: 30:50

the time spent with your vulva, not stretching your vulva out. And maybe you can, while you're exploring, but take the time and stretch it out a little bit. Yeah. Just stretch it out as wide as you can get it. We can do our own bat. Look

Casey: 31:07

at my bat wing.

Kari: 31:07

Exactly. We can do the same damn thing. I like to call it the

Casey: 31:10

flying squirrel. Then like a sugar glider.

Kari: 31:13

Yeah. Like a sugar glider. Give them the old sugar glider. But edging isn't just to like intensify orgasm. It's also again, about taking that time for yourself to yourself, to feel yourself, to please yourself. Like do it.

Casey: 31:27

I quote you on that one.

Kari: 31:28

You can, if you want.

Casey: 31:30

Oh my gosh. So then let's talk about like places to masturbate

Kari: 31:35

on the

Casey: 31:36

where's your favorite place to masturbate?

Kari: 31:39

Um, I would say i'm probably just like the bed just because that is easier like We don't really have a detachable shower head. So that thing doesn't really work. Um I know that a lot of women love to masquerade in the shower. Me personally, um, it's harder for me to masturbate standing up. Uh, I think it's just how my vagina is shaped. It's a little bit more difficult. I get a lot more sensation if I'm laying back versus standing.

Casey: 32:10

Um, but I know

Kari: 32:11

a lot of women

Casey: 32:12

contribute that in many ways to being like, you're off your feet. You're not having to work as hard to not only like stand up and your muscles are less active So you're allowed time to just relax everything

Kari: 32:24

Yeah,

Casey: 32:24

because part of the primary thing that facilitates orgasm during masturbation is the ability to relax How relaxed are you? Have you created an environment where you're relaxed? Are you in a location where you're relaxed? Are you in an area where you don't have to worry about outside factors such as maybe the environment? Children or roommates or partners that are just going to walk in the door. Have you created the context in which you can masturbate comfortably?

Kari: 32:49

Yeah. Okay. What

Casey: 32:51

about you? My favorite. I mean, standing up.

Kari: 32:54

Yeah. You're a stand in comer. Yeah. Honestly,

Casey: 32:59

like now that I think of it, I'm like, yeah, I like to receive lying down. Yeah, I like to receive oral. But if I'm going to masturbate, yeah, standing up, I would say, I've never seen all my

Kari: 33:10

videos. I've been you standing. So that makes sense.

Casey: 33:13

Well, that's just for camera angles. Let's try to get a few things in the picture and try to be more of like

Kari: 33:17

one. Um, so I also want to talk about being stoned and masturbating.

Casey: 33:25

Um, okay.

Kari: 33:28

Have you been stoned and masturbated before? I mean, you've been stoned and got head a lot. But have you been stoned and masturbated before?

Casey: 33:35

I don't know. I'd have to look back, but probably.

Kari: 33:37

You'd have to look back at what? Your masturbating journal? I

Casey: 33:40

got like a spank bank.

Kari: 33:41

Oh, is that what it is? I swear to God. Um, as often as I will say I smoke, I don't think that I masturbate when I smoke. Like smoking and then you going in and having pleasure and all that. That's like one of my absolute favorites are doing that. And even going down on you and like doing something oral. That's one of my favorites. Um, but I don't think that I've really explored stoned masturbation, but it was one of the top ones on our list. And it makes sense because we've really talked about like getting in that head space and relaxing and calming down and not, and because I feel like some people can overthink the concept of masturbating. Um, But you're not going to do that if you're stoned, I promise. I guarantee it.

Casey: 34:26

I don't know. You have some paranoid ass people out there. Right. What was that noise? Somebody's going to barge in any second, I can feel it, but it goes back to creating the context. Like, where are you at? Are you relaxed? Are you comfortable? Um, what are some suggestions we can give to people to create that relaxed environment? Obviously you're like, Hey, you know, get a little stoned. Can help. That'd be a great

Kari: 34:47

way. If that helps you relax. Set the mood

Casey: 34:49

with lighting. Yeah. Uh, light some candles. Make it dark, like whatever you need that makes you feel comfortable. So think about times where you're relaxing. So if you're somebody that takes baths, what is it? What is the environment that you set up whenever you do that? Is it something where you have like bubble bath and candles and music and all that do every single bit of those things and start to explore?

Kari: 35:11

Shit, get yourself some waterproof, like toys.

Casey: 35:16

Yeah.

Kari: 35:17

Masturbating in the bathtub.

Casey: 35:19

Got plenty of those. Our favorite. There's so many waterproof. You can even go to glass, which is always our go to. That's why I got one of our favorite ones. Glass

Kari: 35:25

is a lot of fun in the tub.

Casey: 35:26

Heat it up, cool it down. Use it in the tub. There's plenty of room. Glass is a lot

Kari: 35:30

of fun. But there's a lot of waterproof vibrators and, pardon me, and different things like that you can also use. But again, it's just about like creating the space, giving yourself the time, relaxing, and exploring. There was a lot that I learned about my own vulva when I really got into masturbating because that really wasn't something that I aggressively did. Did until honestly, I got older, like

Casey: 35:57

you felt okay to do it,

Kari: 35:59

I guess. So, yeah, because there was a lot of shame growing up, like within my household, it was definitely, I mean, they, my, no one talked to me about masturbating, absolutely no one. Cause girls don't masturbate. That is how it was thought in my household. And so if the boys, my two older brothers masturbated, it was like, ugh, Uh, why are you doing that? Oh my God. And it was just like this like odd negative mindset around it that I was like, okay, I'm not even spoken to about it. And when it's spoken about them, it's insanely negative. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to masturbate. Like I can guarantee it. I'm not allowed. Um, but it's just, that's one of the reasons that we really wanted to have this, like diving into this month and what it means. Because. You would be surprised knowing people that in this day and age still don't masturbate. Don't feel comfortable doing it. Don't feel comfortable touching themselves. Don't feel comfortable with their partners touching themselves. And it's just something that we're really, we got to break that mold. Like we are, this is not going to be our only episode. Talking about masturbation. It's not. We have more to discuss and we're already running out of time. We have so much more that I want to discuss on as far as it comes with like masturbation and the different toys. Like, we actually just went to the sex shop right by our house. Oh let's dive into that. You want to go dig into that one and then that'll be like our last topic. Yeah.

Casey: 37:33

You've listened to any one of our episodes about self pleasure. You've noticed that one of the biggest complaints we've had. Is the lack of discussion around male toys and then the lack of availability about male toys. But you know what? That fucking change, like perspective altered paradigm shifted because we've been

Kari: 37:57

going into sex toys for the last 10 years of our relationship, probably more. And the lack of male masturbators was strong. You got a fleshlight at best.

Casey: 38:10

Yeah. You had like these small little sleeves. Maybe a little vibrating thing,

Kari: 38:14

but I mean and then you had to manually do it

Casey: 38:17

Yeah,

Kari: 38:17

you had to do all by yourself Where we have vibrators that we just slap it on our fucking clit and call it a day like you don't get to do that and then we have glass and we have things that like Suction cup or clit up and down. And then we have like the rabbit that goes inside and we just press a button

Casey: 38:35

and it moves and vibrates and it vibrates,

Kari: 38:38

stimulates a clit. Like it does all of these things. And trust me, we're very happy with the toys that we have

Casey: 38:43

and penis hunters have not traditionally had. A lot of options. So we went and we talked with one of the sales rep at velvet box, which is one of our favorite DFW, uh, adult novelty shops. And we asked them, we're like, Hey, what are some of the newer things that have come out of the end of the market in the last couple of years that have really been geared towards males and they did not disappoint.

Kari: 39:08

No, it was really cute. It was like, she was excited to hear that because it was probably outside the norm as well than what they're like used to getting. But she walked us over to this glass case and. It was about six different toys. I had never seen before. I've never seen these at least six, at least. And they're these like bigger mechanical looking like gadgets, but the ability to like personalize it to what your wants are. Yeah, well,

Casey: 39:41

that was a big, one of the biggest ones she showed us, and we're not going to go into names. Because we'll do that a lot of later time, but there was one of the brands was a, it took a stroker kind of like a flashlight, but made it more compact and then put it into this little, uh, housing that will allow you to control the depth of the stroke. So how far it goes down, um, as well as adding like speed, as well as adding vibrations. And all sorts of stuff. Uh, so that was one of the big ones. There was another one that was manual, but you could change the insides. That was cool. Create a pattern that you liked. And as well as there was a button on the side that you could compress to create more section for it. Uh, there was other ones that were just different textures, different like clarity. So some of them were completely see through because and as

Kari: 40:31

you, you brought up, they have like the flesh lights where you can like model it after a porn star that you like, they had the exact same concept. So you could get different attachments that were to the porn stars, vagina shape or mold. And that's one that we've

Casey: 40:45

like stared away from in the past, because we're kind of like. Like, do you really, if you're into it and you're like, I'm going to get the pro model for this person, that's fine.

Kari: 40:54

Yeah. Be into it. That's what it's there for.

Casey: 40:56

Go for it. I'm not going to yuck your yum. But what I'm going to do is suggest that like, maybe go for, I don't know, the pattern inside that feels good over what it looks like on the outside. How does it feel? Go with that. Unless you just have

Kari: 41:08

an amazing imagination and you were just fucking that girl, like in your head, and you got it, then yeah, 100 percent go for it, but.

Casey: 41:15

And so many of these toys now are not only Bluetooth enabled, meaning that you can control them from your phone. Your partner can control them from their phone. You can do it long distance.

Kari: 41:24

Well, there was one toy that was like a girl toy and a guy toy, and then they could link together.

Casey: 41:28

Absolutely. They have plenty of those at this point.

Kari: 41:31

Yeah.

Casey: 41:31

Uh, but they also make them now to where they, you can actually watch something called interactive porn, in which case, if you're watching an adult film and it's able to, it syncs up with the film. So now the thing that you have matches what's going on screen.

Kari: 41:48

Could you imagine if it like the girl like pulled out and like spit on his dick and the thing like pulled out and spit on him? That would be a whole new level. You're going a

Casey: 42:02

little too futuristic at this point.

Kari: 42:05

Hey, give it a few more years. I'm counting on it. It's going to be full. Hey, if that little shake wake thing could,

Casey: 42:12

Spray

Kari: 42:12

water on you

Casey: 42:14

And dispense cab fare,

Kari: 42:16

shutting down. If y'all don't know what we're talking about, it's a South park reference. And so

Casey: 42:22

whenever shake weight came out, yeah, anyway. It's in terms of masturbation, this is, we're going to have a continuing conversation on this. What we want is we want to hear from you. So if you would, as soon as you're ready to shoot us an email, um, I believe it's ask it, come with Casey. com. Uh, you can shoot us a DM on Instagram, CW, underscore official. Respond to any of our stories, tag us in one of yours on anything. I

Kari: 42:48

want to hear like first masturbation stories. That's what I want to hear. Like, and you know what? The next episode, I'll share my very first masturbation story. I'll share mine as well. Okay. I love that. Again, this is may, this is masturbation main. We are not done talking about the subject. We have so much more that we want to touch on. Um, I mean, when, I mean, I have a whole ass list of stuff and I was literally looking up at the time and I was like, I cannot believe. How far we've gotten and there's still so much more to touch on.

Casey: 43:14

So for another episode of come with Casey, we are your hosts. I'm Dr. Casey Sanders

Kari: 43:19

and I'm Carrie Sanders. And

Casey: 43:20

we'll see y'all next time.