The Conscious Salon
Are you reactive?
In today's episode delve into handling emotional reactions in business. We share strategies for managing emotional responses and emphasise the power of empathy and compassion in fostering better communication and resolving conflicts. By reflecting on our own experiences, we highlight the importance of listening and being open to other perspectives. It’s an episode packed with laughter, personal stories, and valuable lessons on emotional intelligence.
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
In today's episode delve into handling emotional reactions in business. We share strategies for managing emotional responses and emphasise the power of empathy and compassion in fostering better communication and resolving conflicts. By reflecting on our own experiences, we highlight the importance of listening and being open to other perspectives. It’s an episode packed with laughter, personal stories, and valuable lessons on emotional intelligence.
To follow our journey:
Instagram @aheadhair_
@the_conscious_salon
This podcast has been produced and edited by Snappystreet Creative
Here at the Conscious Salon, we acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which we stand today, the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation. We pay our respects to the elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Welcome to the Conscious Salon. Welcome back to the Conscious Salon podcast. Thank you. So you so much, nikki. Great to be here. So annoying. It's been such a long time since I've pulled that one out and it's come out at the perfect. Why not just, yeah, dust it off and recycle it again. You welcome everyone. We're back with another big episode of the Connie salon.
Speaker 1:The Connie C do you want to say that again? Or the Connie S, for anyone that didn't hear that, a few weeks ago, nikki tried to, um, just slip in a little nickname. Well, we live the conscious. Our lives are literally lived, lived through abbreviations or abrevs, as we have fondly. We haven't done that either. I've just tried to put that one in there. I've slipped it in. I've tried it on. Uh, it hasn't landed the way I wanted. No, so moving right along, no, not moving right along. For anyone that's like, what's that about? A couple of weeks ago, nikki just tried to very casually drop in that the conscious cell was going to be called the Connie C from now on, forgetting completely that it would actually be the Connie S.
Speaker 1:It was an iconic moment. I was really happy with that. It blew up in my face, it really did. It was great. Thank God, my brain was on watching that that day because I nearly slipped. I could have slipped past through to the keeper and that would have been a really devastating moment for us all. But no, she grabbed it. She hit it for six. It's a sports term. I don't even know what sport that's from. I'm like it's a goal, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, look, we're not, don't worry. No, don't turn your radios off, radios we're not going into. Like every other man that has a podcast about sport, I promise I was going to say for anyone tuning in for the first time today welcome. Um, what a time. The abbreviations, the attempted nicknames and me trying on some sport lingo, absolutely. But we are happy to have you here nevertheless.
Speaker 1:Uh, tess, the week that was. Why did you just take one sock off and pick one on? That was so weird. Okay, I've taken off one sock, I thought I'd try something else. No, that sock was really giving me the shits. I'm wearing two odd socks it shouldn't come as a surprise to you. There's the other one off. But, tess, the week that was, other than the sock dilemma that we've just had, how's your week been? Um, yes, the week that was was good. I feel good, so it must have been a great week.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think of oh, my gosh, this is the first time I don't have a diary entry. We're about to go, we're about to go away. Can't wait for that. We're going away with megan megan, so former, former team member of ahead, um, and one of our besties. We are going to dalesford for a beautiful weekend. We are. We've been planning this like six months, so you know, no, we've been talking about taking a weekend together. Yeah, we've been playing. We've booked this like six months ago.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's meg's final day of uni today, like for the trimester or commester or semester or whatever it's called. No, I don't think. I think she has like trimester something. I don't really understand what that means, but like it's her last term of uni right now, today. So tomorrow we're celebrating by going to daleswood for a couple of nights. Can't wait. We've booked all the restaurants. We've got all the activities missy's coming. We didn't realize that we're staying in a pet friendly accommodation, so, yep, she's got a little ticket. Great, lucky girl. Well, you know we're sharing a bed, so it's gonna be you, man, missy. Excellent, um, no, we're not. Yes, we are. We'll have to put the jog in with Megan. Anyway, we'll talk about that another time.
Speaker 1:The week's been good, though.
Speaker 1:Yep, let me just see. I did just have something that I was going to say I can't remember. Oh, it's a great day today, happy. Donald Trump's been found guilty of 34 counts of falsifying business documents during the 2016 election, so looking forward to hopefully seeing him go to prison. I'm not actually sure if that's up for grabs, but he won't. You know, first president to ever been convicted of a crime. So suck on that bitch. And also the irony of him being brought down by a um, was it? She's an adult film star.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, you're just staring at me blankly, so I know this is yeah. I mean, do I do? I do like I don't really like subscribe to media? So I don't um, I don't yeah, but we subscribe to like bad men burning. That's great. No, no, sorry, I didn't mean like subscribe in like a? Um, like that sort of phrasing. I mean like I literally don't follow the media on my social media, so I don't know enough about this. I meant like literally subscribing yeah, not like I don't follow the media on my social media, so I don't know enough about this. I meant like literally subscribing yeah, not like I don't subscribe to the mainstream media. I mean like I actually don't get any notification. I just you tell me about what's important and I'm like yep, I'll care about that. I do. Actually. I'm the news to nikki, which is great because I really get to push my narrative of what I think is right. It really kills my cup right up.
Speaker 1:This is my Peter Hitchener Tracy Grimshaw hello, did you know that? I went to a party with Peter Hitchener there and it was iconic and a real moment and amazing. Say more, let's just leave that Like a name drop and then just walk away. I guess we'll take that word for it. Here we go. Everyone don't ask any more questions. She's met him once and we won't ever find out.
Speaker 1:My dear friend pete? Um, no, so I I used to do here's another name. Would you bring it with me? Another name I'm about to drop, so I used to um work for emmy lou. Do a bit of work with emmy lou. Emmy lou loves um on instagram. She's like an influencer, um, and I worked with her for like about 18 months, um doing some like learning e-commerce and doing like.
Speaker 1:I did an event with her her 40th birthday and pete peter hitchman came to it and I was in charge of making sure he was okay. Huh, was he the biggest celeb that was there? Yeah, I reckon um did. I mean, that's less impressive. Now someone else came who was like on idol or something, but I was like I'm not 100 sure who you are, but can you like? You know you know my t-shirt.
Speaker 1:Anyway, you had that celebrity crush on race master and you were timo matic. I think timo matic came. He's great. I've got a couple of his timo matic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great um peter hitcher. I can't remember who else, but um, yeah, it was nikki. And great um peter hitch. And I can't remember who else, but um, yeah, it was there. We go nicky and hitchie. Do you know? Actually I'm gonna name drop over you.
Speaker 1:I went to a wedding and david kosh was there. Coffee, who's winning? Well, I'm not gonna say I don't want to give away who. I'll tell you off air, okay. Um, who's friend with the big gosh? He's well, edit this out, leah, this name. Here it was. Oh, really, yeah, the big dog gosh was there. He's actually quite tall. Didn't talk to him at all. You know, I'm one of the people I don't need to go from one fellow icon to another. Oh my God, were people asking for photos? I mean, you know, probably Did you ask him about that. There was a bit of it. There was word spreading. He was there. People would have been like sign my T-shirt, sign my bra, maybe a couple of the nans. I didn't see too much bra action myself. I certainly didn't get him to sign mine. Very good, yeah, that was the seagate.
Speaker 1:Do you want to tell everyone about the time when Harold Bishop came into the bakery? So, this is a true story, guys, harold Bishop. So I used to work at a bakery, clancy's Bakehouse in East Malvern. Delicious food, by the way. Get yourself down there. If you're not, I'm going to give them an absolute plug. Great coffee as well, actually. I did work there, and when I was about 15, I was a huge Neighbours fan. And when I was a huge Neighbours fan and when I was about 15, I was doing a regular shift and Harold Bishop from Neighbours came in and I'm just very much a person that's like, if I feel even slightly anxious or overwhelmed or excited, I'm like those you know, those fainting goats that you see.
Speaker 1:They're just like. They get like startled and then they just drop. She gets really bewildered. Yeah, no, but I actually have like dizzy spells really quickly, I get nauseous. Dizzy spells really quickly, I get nauseous, I'll get. She's a fainty girl. I'm a very fainting person. So if something's exciting, overwhelming, like anything like that, don't do a surprise party.
Speaker 1:When we got the helicopter for the girls, I thought I was going to faint when we were telling them about it. That's how, really, yes, wait. When we told them I don't even remember when we told them we like facetimed them saying like we're gonna put you in a helicopter and before the phone call I was like I better just sit down. I'm a bit light-headed. It's just like my reaction to things like the goats google fainting goats and that's me, but anyway.
Speaker 1:So Harold Bishop walked in and I was so overwhelmed and so not not excited. No, that's actually a character off neighbors. That's not this person's name. This is like the character that he plays? No, but I think it was just like, you know, when you see someone who you've seen on your TV and then you see them like IRL and you're just like. It's just so overwhelming. I'm like lightheaded. I'm not like a fan of his. Did you get him to sign your bra? No, I said, could you sign this pie? But no, he did. He ordered a chunky beef pie with sauce and, um, I just had to go out the back because I was like lightheaded and I had to sit down for a minute and I didn't tell anyone. I was just like I'm like gasping for breath here. There you go. Two name drops peter hitchner and harold bishop.
Speaker 1:The australian middle-aged white men community is really taking a good jump today exactly, but we are back with another episode of the conscious on podcast. You can't just be all celebrity sightings and I know I'm sorry to say, do we have anyone else? I'm trying to think, no, no, we don't have. No, no, she's over it, is she, I'm over it. I remember once, though, we did see um, was it steph? From neighbors also. Oh yeah, we have a couple of neighbors, people out in the world. She lives in belgrave. I remember you like ran up and like I was like tess. I was like, literally look over my shoulder at Steph's neighbors. I was like I'm dizzy, like hold me, get me a lemonade, I'm about to faint. Stars really have got quite a control over the accusations. I'm just like my head's still in Ramsey Street, but anyway, we run.
Speaker 1:We run a little segment around here, tess, what's it called Hot Girl Hotline. So if anyone new around here, we put up a questions box on Instagram every week. We ask you for your troubles, your woes, your business blues, whatever's keeping you up at nine, and we offer our advice around it. Tess, today is a bit of an interesting one because we don't actually have a listener question per se. Leah's like like great organized queens.
Speaker 1:But we wanted to talk about a topic that we have been getting DM'd about a lot in the past. I would say what three or four weeks yeah, and it's been like quite a common theme. Whenever we put up a hottie G questions box, people have been DMing us like cause we always say, if you can't fit in the questions box, just feel free to DM us and we'll keep you anonymous. And we've had a lot of people who have been sending through scenarios or screenshots or you know things like that. What have they been talking about? Yes, so we've been getting a lot of DMs mainly around like what would you do? So, like, I've got this scenario with this client and you know, I don't know how to handle it. Or this is playing out with my team and I don't know how to handle it, and a lot of it is because they are getting these, you know, informations, bits, snippets, whatever it is having a really emotional response and asking us how we would handle it. Yes, with keeping everyone anonymous.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give a few rough examples of what people have been talking about. So client feedback, people sending through text messages or DMs or whatever that clients have sent them in relation to what their experience has been in the salon. Clients breaking up with you, so basically saying like I'm not going to come to you anymore, or putting a complaint through Team members who are pushing boundaries outside of hours, things like that, team members letting you down, all sorts of different things. I just want to give like a bit of context of what we've been DM'd about, but obviously I don't want to talk about each scenario because I want to keep everyone's situations anonymous. So we thought there's a little common theme here playing out Mm-hmm, talk to us about that.
Speaker 1:Yes, so what I was saying with it was that there were things happening creating emotional reactions and then really trying to not lean into that emotional reaction which is amazing slay from you guys but also then trying to navigate that and not really like having the answers within, or self-trust or confidence to be able to say, like how to actually handle this, and from someone that is definitely an emotionally reactive person and still continues to work on their emotional reactions daily, hourly, honestly, sometimes it's minutely. I feel like I have got quite a bit to say on this matter, if I may. Did you want to? Sorry, I'm just looking, I'm like I don't want to just hold the mic. Did you want to jump in with anything there or am I happy? You're more reactive than me, so I'm like you take it well these days, but you absolutely took the cake.
Speaker 1:Growing up, nicki had a nickname of angry aunt, I guess when we were kids, probably because I got that name like if you, if someone names you, that you can't help be angry. Yeah, understood, yeah, I was like bullied by you and our neighbor, so name calling is like gross. So if you're doing that, please stop um anyway. So so this is something that I do have and have learned the hard way, especially in business, with being emotionally reactive and not really um, taking the time like having the pause and taking a moment to just kind of slow things down, not just have that instant response and having that like quick reaction, which is naturally something that I'm someone that reacts quite quickly. I'm a fire sign in every way and it really does. Yeah, if something riles me up, it's like striking a match. I can respond super, super fast. But that doesn't work in business.
Speaker 1:And what I have learned is I have been incredibly reactionary with team in the past. I have been incredibly reactionary with clients. I've been incredibly reactionary with every aspect of my life. I don't think there's an avenue of my life that I haven't had a reaction with, probably like well, these days not so much, and these days, anytime I'm really ever reactionary is with my black family. Otherwise I don't have it. With friendships, with clients, with business, with anything. I can still get triggered, I can still get emotional, I can still get upset, but I don't respond outwardly in that that moment and I'll pull myself away to go and deal with it in a really conscious way.
Speaker 1:So the first thing I think that's really important to identify in this is, quite often we think when people send us something, we've become a really instant society and I know this term's thrown out like all the time, like everyone's always talking about how instant everything is and we've got everything at our fingertips. You know, pretty much everything we do is communicating through a you know little computer that we have, that is, our mobile phones. But I think that now, with what I've learned the biggest game changer for me with slowing down my reaction is not responding immediately and actually taking some time to think about it, and that I find something that we forget constantly. As soon as we get a text message or an email or a phone call or a anything, we put pressure on ourselves to respond immediately and say it perfectly, and often, if we're emotional, we can say something we might really regret or have, you know, not like we'll have consequences. What do you think? I think one of the best things that I totally agree with you one of the best things that I ever was taught. I don't even know if I was taught it or if I just learned.
Speaker 1:It is like slowing down your reaction time and we always say at the conscious salon putting a beat between us and the problem. Yeah, and I think a lot of people don't realize that they actually have the freedom to be able to do this. So often if i'm'm faced with a problem, whether it's team related, client related, you know, business related, whatever often I'll say and the team know this about me I'll say I'm going to need some time to have a little think on that. Let me get back to you on that. So, normalizing being able to put a beat between especially if you are a person who tends to be more reactive knowing that you don't have to make a decision within the next two minutes on that. So an example of that could be something like if someone came in and said I want to have, uh, I've got a wedding on in three weeks time. I know I haven't, you know, done the leave process properly, but am I able to go? And that might be a situation where you'd say because normally you'd feel the pressure to be like I have to answer and give you an answer right now. Let me think on that. I'll get back to you. You know why didn't? I would ask the question why did you not follow the leave process? Is it like a surprise wedding, you know? Is it more information? You know more information? Please gather the information. Then I would ask the question if the information is just no, I just forgot to apply for it why did you not follow the process, get that information and then, okay, leave it with me and I'll get back to you? Yeah, and that gives you some thinking time, gives me some thinking time, because I used to feel reactive when I was put under pressure.
Speaker 1:I wanted to share another really important observation that has really helped me to be able to soften the other person who you know that I could potentially react to, whether it's a client, you know complaining, whether it's some an issue with a team member, whether it's an issue with a girlfriend, whoever, whatever whether it's an issue between you and I, and you're giving me direct feedback. Something that I've only recently started doing that I found has been extremely helpful is because often that other person will come in emotionally heightened yeah, so you might be completely blindsided, just like going about your day and then someone comes in and is like I need to talk to you about something and they've had this thing that's bubbled up for them and for them it feels really huge and for you you've like, you've got no idea that it's happening. And it's very easy, when someone comes in emotionally heightened to get defensive straight away, whether it's's a client, whether it's a team member, whether it's a girlfriend, you know, partner, whoever so easy to become really defensive. Something that I've only just been doing recently is changing my wording around it. So when that person comes into me, even if they're emotionally heightened, I always say it's okay, let's talk it out and we're going to work it out together. So even just that phrasing for me has been really helpful, because if I was the person who was coming in with an issue and emotionally heightened and I heard the other person say it's all good, let's sit down, we're going to work it out together, it would. I can't even tell you how much of a difference it would make for me.
Speaker 1:So, if you think about it, if you had a client complaining about a service or you know needing an adjustment or some sort of issue, from a client's perspective, if they come into it, that's a hard thing to come in and give feedback. Most people find it really uncomfortable to go back into a salon and you know, and client adjustments or client complaints is something that I've always really struggled with because for me, one of the big personality traits that I have that I've been working through and working on for nine years is that I really want people to like me. I'm a people pleaser. I want people to like me, and it's been like this thing that I've really worked on and I've had to learn how to care less and less what people think of me, and something that I've always struggled with is client complaints. So for me, I've always been extremely uncomfortable and I've always thought of that as being confrontational. And that idea that I've recently started to embody in so many areas of my life, that idea of like okay, talk to me, what's going on, let's work this out, we're going to work this out together. If a client said I'm really unhappy with my service, and immediately you say why, what happened? What are you not happy with? Or you can look at it as I'm really unhappy with my service, okay, let's talk about this, we're going to work this out together. It's okay, we're going to work it out together.
Speaker 1:Just that phrasing has really changed the way that I'm able to like. I used that the other day when, tess I want to share this you gave me some feedback about how I had made you feel, um, that I was like cutting over the top of you, tess and I obviously both two very strong women, two quite dominating women and, um, I had completely cut over Tess and cut her down and cut into you know her when she was in work mode and and what she was working on. You've actually given me a bit of feedback a couple times this week and I have to constantly be aware of the way that I'm showing up, especially with you, because often I can think, oh, we're so close, I can just do what I like. So the when you mentioned it to me, immediately I felt my body go into like ego mode and what I'd usually say is well, no, you also did that to me and blah, blah, blah, and the first thing I said was okay, it's all good, let's talk about it and we're going to work it out, and it helped me to relax and I hope that it helped you to relax and feel comfortable and to know that I was there with intention to work through the problem. So I think that helps with the reactivity, for sure, to almost declare to that person it's okay, we're going to come up with a solution together, especially from a staffing perspective. Like it's very easy to be like I think about the past experiences, years ago, and how much that phrase would have helped, because at the end of the day, I'm like like I don't want anyone coming in and like sweating over a conversation. I don't want anyone to feel like that. I want that person to feel comfortable straight away and my first thing is I'm going to let them know it's all good, come in, sit down, we're going to work through this together.
Speaker 1:I think that is a really good point because I think that has really changed the game for us as a as a whole, and I'm not too sure where we learned it or if we just picked one of us, started doing it. We started just in embodying that and really I think a lot of the time we've learned like really deeply on compassion and putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and understand you know, realizing that even if we don't necessarily agree with someone's perspective, that's their reality. So really trying to lean into that and you know, I always think of that saying with like, do you want to be right or do you want to resolve things? I don't actually think that's the saying. It's probably much better than that. It's like do you want to be right and win or do you want to be happy? I think that's. Are you looking to win? Are you looking for a solution? Yeah for sure. That's great. We'll actually use that one. That's wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think when we stopped trying to, when you're sitting in defense or feeling that you need to, you know that that really that narrative that still comes out of like you know power and like you know this, that kind of bow down thing that's still playing out in businesses, I feel now what we've done differently is that rather than and again, still something I have to work on constantly but rather than looking at things from a point of view of I need to respond, I need to be firm, I need to do, you know, be hard, I need to, you know, set the tone and the standard and this, and sometimes you do need to do that in conversations. There will be a time and a place and you guys will know when that is, but more often than not, when these situations present, it is more about getting to a point of understanding, softening, hearing each other out and seeing. So if it's a disgruntled client, you know, if you meet them with that energy of getting, you know defensive and feel like you need to puff out your chest and you know, well, no, actually what we did was this and you signed here and like this is all good, whatever the situation is, or sitting with them and going I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. I'd love to sit down and talk this through so we can come find a solution, as you said. Similarly with team, if they've got those situations when they're coming in or you know, in pieces over something, having compassion and understanding and kind of thinking, okay, cool, this person's coming to us and this would actually be really hard to come to us, or, you know, show up like this and have these moments, so really taking the time to just kind of sit with that and, and I think, rather than listening, for a space to respond, hearing what a person is saying, rather than the gap of when you can speak or put your perspective, because a lot of times in any like I think about this in every part of my life when you've got an issue and you're trying to work through an issue with any person in your life. If you're in an ego state or an emotional state or reactive state, you're not actually hearing the person at all. You're hearing for the gap so that you can put your point, and it literally becomes they've caught. Now you're going to get my perspective, like from my end, it's this or this is what I feel. I did this because of that and it becomes this real back and forwards and there's no real listening or understanding or hearing each other. It's just kind of this is my perspective and like who's going to be the louder one that gets their perspective heard and understood and that person will be the winner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I see that play out all the time and I still have to stop myself from doing that constantly because old me, old me who loved being an ego and you know, really embodying like the leo, like I'm right and all my ideas and everything, like I'm the one that's got all the solutions, follow me. I know what I'm doing. I've really lost and started shedding away at that identity and I don't think I have all the answers. I also don't think I'm correct and I'm like everyone, like all the rest of us doing this. I'm fucking up just as much as the next person. There are so many things I don't have my shit together on and I don't have my shit together on, and I don't need to or put that pressure on myself to have all of the answers, to have everything figured out, to know exactly what to do and how to show up. And I, I'm a human being, I'm going to make mistakes, but I really do try.
Speaker 1:Every time, every conversation I have whether it's, you know, something between you and me, or me and Mick, or whoever, or within within our team, or within a client, or within a business situation, or within a friendship, whatever it is I don't I have to work so hard at not sitting in my ego and trying to prove myself, and I have to sit in compassion and really try and understand their perspective, their reality. Even if I can't see it, I need to hear what they're saying so that I can help start working through that. And again, because for me it's not about winning anymore, it's about finding a solution, because I don't want to be the victor, I want to be peaceful. I don't want to have people out there thinking I'm an asshole or thinking that I'm. You know, I mean, and look, there'll be plenty of people that would think that I still am, but I really would think that I still am, but I really. That's truly my thing.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be showing up in this situation and I think you want to understand where people are coming from and show them love and compassion. That's what I mean. If I'm going in there and going nope, like this is, this is just the way it is that person is going to leave that conversation, first of all, not feeling understood, but also feeling like I'm an asshole and I and I I truly don't want that. I just think the difference between you and that person that you were is that you have made it like your mission to understand and love people. It's not even about, like, what people think of you, if you are this or aren't that, or who you were or whatever. It's just like I just see, in the last eight years, you've literally made it your mission to just love people and like be compassionate and understand them and help them and like I and I totally agree with that and I truly do that is something that it's like one of my uh, it's a core value of yours. Yeah, and it's one of the parts of me that I'm most proud of purely, but I've I've flipped it so much. I've gone from thinking that I know everything and need no one and still, like you know, follow me or you're an idiot sort of view, to now really wanting to understand and like, yeah, I do. I really do value understanding and connection and communication, compassion, empathy. I'm a very empathetic person and I think that's something that I really embrace now.
Speaker 1:I used to think that I had to be really strong and really hard and really tough and really like solid and for anyone that feels like they need to be this iron woman version or man version of themselves or iron person, you don't, you don't need to always feel like you've got this armour on that no one like take the armour off and like actually sit with people. When it comes down to vulnerability again, I'm okay if a client's upset and they're, you know, wanting to come in and tell me how they're feeling. I'm so grateful for that conversation, even if it's uncomfortable, because I will get something out of it. I'll get information out of it that I can really use. I'm not there to defend anything. I'm there to hear what their concerns are, what they're angry about, what they're upset about. I mean, look, angry clients I could literally count on one hand how many we've had in the 11 years.
Speaker 1:But I think about those moments and when I stopped trying to defend it and I just started going I'm so sorry. Feeling like that, like what can I do? How can I help, what would be, you know, our best solution, and genuinely meaning that not going well, what do you want me to do about it? Like, actually sitting in that place of like because I was I was really sad that they were feeling the way that they were. That's not my intention. I really want to change that intention for them.
Speaker 1:And when we sit in more of that space in any relationship that you guys have, you can really start seeing other people's perspectives and then you can really grow and learn and evolve from them as well. Like it's great because it just gives you how I feel within myself with changing this way that I used to show up. I used to be ready to battle everyone and take everyone on and, like you know, here she goes like I'm ready and look, she's still a fiery girl. Let's be honest, you know, I think I started this segment saying how happy I was about donald trump being found guilty it's. There are parts of that that's really useful where I can really like speak out on the things that I'm really passionate about and really, like you know, advocate for that. But then there's also parts where I've learned to stop battling every conflict that I come into and start listening and understanding and because during that and how I feel within myself, peaceful, calmer, not twisted up the way that it was little things can roll away and I don't lose sleep over it, but how people feel about me there would be people that meet me now if they saw a little snippet of who I was 10 years ago would be really like unrecognizable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I even had this conversation with one of our um friends the other day. We've been friends with it god, I don't know 15, 16 years and she said to me I still am getting used to you being so like kind and genuine because she's so used to me being so like being so like kind and genuine, because she's so used to me being so like piss taking and like quite like I would even throw out the word like almost like bully, not like I wasn't bullying, but you know, yeah, yeah, and just tough and hard and like someone that you kind of had to walk on eggshells around and, like she said this in the salon one of our team heard was like what Tess? Like that's weird. And I was like no, no, that's, that's 100% accurate. Like 100%, that's who I was at that time. Her majority of her relationship has been that way and I'm now different and that's she's still getting used to that. I thought that was really like interesting, that's huge.
Speaker 1:How do you feel? Um, I mean, I like who I am now. I think I can always be better, but I think I'm much nicer than what I was and I really appreciate those moments when I have react and I've reacted badly so many times with team and with clients and I've made such bad decisions so many we've talked about because I didn't take the pause. The pause really does help. Like the pause is one of the things that, like you know, pause breath, whatever it is. I have to say to myself every time I can feel my body getting hot and I want to respond in a way of saying I just need a minute or I'm going to get back to you really taking a breath and really slowing it down, and you you'll even notice like when we talk about slowing this down. We literally are slowing our words down and it is like this, really like, because it starts changing how you're feeling in your body. People that are reactionary aren't walking around and going. Yes, no, I understand where you're coming from. It's hot, it's fast, it's quick, it's fiery. So, taking the pause in the moment and realizing I don't need to respond to this immediately, I can give myself a second to really consciously work on this. Yeah, really change the game, and I learned that from you, so I really am grateful for that from you.
Speaker 1:We put a moment between us and the problem. That's what we always say. You know we just need a beat between us and the problem. Yeah, yeah, and and like. We're super open with our team about that as well, so they know that. You know, sometimes we'll say we don't have an answer right now. Let's put a between us and this and I'll get back to you on that. Yeah, but yeah, it's one of the most valuable things that I've ever learned in business, even down to like emails. You know I used to like with our landlord.
Speaker 1:If we had like a problem, whatever real estate, you know I'd be like so reactive, straight onto it, like now, I'm just like I just need a beat and I need to respond to this when I'm in a bit of a better headspace, because that made me feel a certain way reading that, and then I would like wait until now. Now I wait until the next morning. Or I'm like does this need a response? Does this need my attention? And you've also actively put in there that I can I be removed from this. I don't need to be involved in this. Sometimes with some of the group things like actually I'm like I actually don't need to be seated on this because I choose, like my own inner peace. Yeah, you know, that's the, which has been fine, like also putting that boundary and just being like I just, you know, I hate guys can just be removed from this. It's not, doesn't need my attention. And I think that's a really good point with that, because you have that moment of like realizing, even though this is around things that you're involved with, you don't actually need to be involved in that dynamic, because that dynamic between those conversations of those people was making you feel not great and rather than just kind of sitting there and being like, oh, I'll just like wait until this is finished, you were like, oh, I want to be removed. Yeah, I was like I don't need to be cc'd in on an argument that doesn't actually involve me. See ya, see ya, um, beautiful test.
Speaker 1:We end every episode in gratitude. What are you grateful for? Oh, I, as I said, I'm so grateful that you really did teach me the importance and the so necessary change that I needed to make with not reacting immediately. I still haven't mastered it. I feel like I've come a long way. I'm still, like all of us, every day getting a bit better. I'm so grateful that you taught me that, because I think there's really pivotal moments where that really changed for me and I'm super grateful that I have that skill up my sleeve and I can rely on that. I'm so grateful that I don't put the pressure on myself to have all the answers anymore or to know exactly what to say in that moment.
Speaker 1:And again, similarly to saying I need a beat, I've also very comfortable to say I'm actually not quite sure at the moment. I'm gonna need some time to think on that, or yeah, let me get back to you whatever it is, but being okay to say I just taken that pressure off, it really did change it for me and, like, the biggest thing is learning to see other people's perspectives even when I don't want to, yeah, and really sitting in that and not sitting in ego. That takes a bit to master Still mastering it, not always perfect, but I'm really grateful that I'm so much better than where I was 100% Beautiful. What about you? Grateful that I'm so much better than where I was 100 beautiful. What about you?
Speaker 1:Um, I am just super grateful that we have this, the opportunity to talk about this. You know I say this all the time this podcast, like I love debriefing and talking through things and if we can help one person along the way, amazing. But I would have loved to have had somewhere where I could have listened to people talking about this sort of stuff, um, and the stuff that I was going through. So I feel really privileged to be able to talk about this, yes, and be able to share this, because for me, it was life-changing and the the way that you know, probably both of us used to walk around with so much anxiety and anger and frustration and you know a pin could drop and we'd lose the plot. So getting really comfortable with not sweating the small stuff for one, but also what we deciding, what we will and won't put energy into. And you know, as we said, just being compassionate towards other people so important, it's so foundational and basic yeah, that's a really hard one. Being compassionate when you don't want to. Yeah, and even like.
Speaker 1:I've noticed the way that we used to talk about whatever was going on in our lives, like even that situation we were just talking about before, you know, whether it was like a client, a disgruntled client, or you know, something with a team or something with a girlfriend, or like something whatever, the way that we would tell everyone about that. Now we're just like something will happen. It's like it's all good, we've dealt with that. We understand that person's perspective, but we also don't feel the need to talk about it around, around in circles or tell everyone. That was like very much who we were, and now it's just like oh no, we're choosing a piece, it's all g, and I think that it really does become the game changer when you're choosing the piece. It really does Kingdom happiness.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys, so much for tuning in Beautiful episode. Stay conscious everyone. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and hanging out with us today. To hear more about our journey, follow us on Instagram at B underscore conscious underscore salon. If you're a shit speller, check the spelling of conscious or at a head hair underscore. Thank you so much for joining us today and we'll see you in the next episode.